Re: Tell me something good.

1

It's still possible to reach new frontiers in redundancy.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:04 AM
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Redundancy that may not be your fault!


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:07 AM
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The instrument I've been fighting with for six months finally works. I now have tons of interesting data to analyze. This has been hanging over my head and causing anxiety dreams and the whole lot, but it appears to be fixed now. The fun part of the job is data analysis, which is my plan for today, so it should be a good day.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:09 AM
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4

All the redundancy seems to have been momentarily eliminated!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:29 AM
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5

I have 550 Magikarp candy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:33 AM
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6

Thanks to your merciless genocide, yes.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:33 AM
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I've often assumed that "Transferred to the professor" is the Pokemon equivalent of "given to a nice farm upstate."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:34 AM
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6 to 4, but I bet Moby's pokemons have committed some war crimes too.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:36 AM
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9

We beat the triceratops on Habitica and now I have pet triceratopes (sp.?) in my stable.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:37 AM
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10

All the HR/other bureaucratic steps for changing my name are going fairly smoothly.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:38 AM
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11

We found a place for mom in the less scary nursing home.


Posted by: Gerald Ford | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:40 AM
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12

The AP says I can use "they" as a singular pronoun if I want.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:43 AM
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13

Obligatory Chaka Kahn link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cm_cFzVAoo8


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:57 AM
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We beat the triceratops on Habitica

Habitica was really successfully motivating for me for about a year, and then suddenly it wasn't helping at all and I hated it. Really annoying -- I'd love to find something that was as helpful as Habitica used to be.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:02 AM
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15

Have you tried catching Pokemon? If you want to walk more while starting at your phone, it works.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:08 AM
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I am either not coordinated enough or I walk too fast and the streets are too crowded around here. I tried, but I needed to pause all the time and I was getting in people's way.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:29 AM
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My wife and kids got me into Pokemon, and we played together for maybe a week before they gave it up. But I'm hooked.

The ecology recently changed around here, enabling me to decimate the local Magikarp population.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:35 AM
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9. Spelling is fine. If you meant sp. for species, you can choose between prorsus and horridus


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:39 AM
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19

17.2: It's a special event for water. It ends tomorrow. Catch them soon.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:46 AM
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I had bubble tea last night. That was the only remaining item on my bucket list, so now I can die knowing I've lived a full life.

Incidentally, I thought the bubbles were kind of gross. I enjoyed the tea though.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:48 AM
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21

Somebody told me the bubbles were tapioca. I've always been too afraid to try tapioca.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:50 AM
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22

The bubbles are tapioca, and are indeed kind of gross.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:51 AM
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23

I like tapioca pudding.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:53 AM
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24

Do they come with the melted-on foil lids because they're pre-made in a factory somewhere outside Toledo?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:54 AM
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25

Tapioca is from cassava? I had thought tapioca was the thing you eat and the plant.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:56 AM
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If you ask for milk tea, you should get the tea without the bubbles. I don't mind the bubbles, but they always put in too many.

Good things: I got braces, which sort of don't feel good in the moment, but longterm will fix my bite issues.

I am writing an article on the behest of a committee member for a journal he helped found, and I sent a draft to him and he responded with positive feedback and only a few changes.



Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:00 AM
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18: I meant spelling of the plural; -opes was a guess. It seems to match the plural of the Greek root (ἡ ὤψ, αἱ ὦπες) but Wiktionary says "triceratopses" and the most common online usage seems for "triceratops" to serve as the plural too. OED does not specify, damn them.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:01 AM
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28

Apparently, cassava is about the least Atkins-worthy food possible this side of just eating refined sugar.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:01 AM
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19: Oh, damn. Thanks for the tip. I really need to get four or five more of the bastards today to max out my power-ups, but I should be able to accomplish that pretty easily.

20 et seq: This thread is for good things. Bubble tea and tapioca belong in the other thread.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:13 AM
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30

I've discovered the most of the Chinese restaurants that I like best are run by people from the ROC. I'm wondering where the people who run the ones I don't like are from. My suspicion is neither ROC nor PROC, but it seems horribly rude to ask.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:15 AM
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31

apparently cassava basically grows as a weed in all tropical climates, so soon all of us will be able to live on it in the ruins of our fallen cities.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:16 AM
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32

Poisonous if not properly prepared, isn't it?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:18 AM
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33

I have a friend who does fieldwork in the Brazilian Amazon, and he said last time he went he gained 15 lbs. He thinks it was eating a diet of straight cassava (manioc), and not getting dysentery to balance it out.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:20 AM
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34

It's a blessing to shit yourself?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:22 AM
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35

30: At least some of the places around here are run by PRoCers; definitely the karaoke place, and I think the Japanese place near Shady--I only realized that their Chinese stuff was specifically Xi'anese due to an article by JRoth they had posted in their entrance. The explicitly RoC-style ones are presumably run by RoCers, of course, but beyond that I haven't inquired.

Zaw's was my favorite Chinese/pan-Asian greasy spoon; they were from Myanmar.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:22 AM
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36

I wonder what cassava liquor tastes like. Fucking terrible I bet.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:23 AM
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37

Zaw's was great, but my wife wouldn't go in there just because there was grease on the walls older than her.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:23 AM
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38

34

You're going to have to really refine your marketing pitch if you want to earn money selling dysentery diet pills.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:25 AM
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39

Raw cassava soaked in raw chicken drippings. The salmonella will make you sick enough that the cyanide will seem a relief.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:26 AM
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40

32: yeah, it's loaded with cyanide. That must have been an interesting process of discovery. And one highly persistent hunter-gatherer tribe.

"Hey, Running Bear. Try this root I've just discovered, I think it might be edible."
"Ooh, thanks. URRRGHK."
"Hmm. OK, Brown Horse. Try this root I've just discovered. I've left it to dry in the sun for a few days, so it should be fine."
"Thanks! URRGHK."
"[writes] drying....doesn't...work. Hey, Deer Woman. Try this root I've just discovered. I steeped it in salt water for 24 hours."
"Sure! Mmm.... URRGHK."
"Shit. Salt water doesn't work either? Oh well, mustn't get disheartened! Hey, White Bird? Are you busy?"


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:27 AM
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41

I had the same thoughts about olives. Which, I guess aren't deadly.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:28 AM
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42

I have a new girlfriend! She's recently divorced after a long marriage, and apparently he was a selfish lover. I am by comparison a wizard in the sack. I'm not going to say I don't know what I'm doing, but the level of appreciation I'm receiving is well beyond what I've grown to expect in other relationships.

(She's also generally wonderful--smart, deeply caring, emotionally intelligent, cute as hell. But I wanted to brag about being a sex god, however undeservedly.)


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:29 AM
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43

When the post-apocalypse gets to be too much you just neglect your cassava preparation, sorted. True miracle crop.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:32 AM
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44

Also good(ish)--I've engaged a career coach and am actively doing informational interviews about a bunch of potential career paths. I haven't turned up any actual jobs, but it's been an interesting exercise in self reflection and I'm meeting/reconnecting with interesting people.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:32 AM
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45

The moral of the story is to always date the exes of horrible people.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:34 AM
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46

Horror is catching.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:36 AM
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47

Not if you pull out.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:36 AM
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48

Or maybe that's babies? I get them confused.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:37 AM
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49

You can take the ex out of the horror, but you can't take the horror out of the ex.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:38 AM
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45: so in fact it's selfless to be a horrible partner, because think of the happiness you'll be bringing to your ex and their next partner.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:39 AM
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51

so in fact it's selfless to be a horrible partner,

If you're looking towards your partner becoming your ex, then arguably, yes, it is.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:42 AM
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52

urple!


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:44 AM
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53

You don't even have to be selfless, because your own supply of horror won't actually be reduced by horrible action,* but in fact will increase to meet the demands placed upon it.
*The infamous hump of horror fallacy.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:45 AM
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54

27. Depends on whether you say platypuses or platypodes.

42 sounds promising.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:47 AM
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55

I had the same thoughts about olives. Which, I guess aren't deadly.

I've had this thought about artichokes.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:53 AM
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56

42/44: Hooray!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 9:54 AM
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57

The moral of the story is to always date the exes of horrible people.

Gentlemennz.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:06 AM
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58

Oh hey, Raqqa is damn near surrounded. Not long for this world.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:10 AM
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59

The other moral of the story is that if a food seems to poison people, try soaking it in water and ashes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:13 AM
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60

Horror doesn't leach. You get to the sackcloth and ashes stage it's too late.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:15 AM
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61

The texture of the bubbles varies considerably from place to place and is indeed gross in the bad ones. Look for crowds of Asian teenagers in expensive sneakers-- if these are absent, then the bubbles will likely not be first rate.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:27 AM
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62

If I may be so bold as to bring the two threads together, if we get a climate apocalypse in the next 20 years, we don't really have to worry about our future careers and having enough in our 401Ks. That's good news.

(Excuse me while I go learn to suss out ground water with a divining stick.)


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:32 AM
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63

Good for you Chopper!


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:34 AM
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64

How am I supposed to tell you much sneakers cost?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:42 AM
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65

Related: I'm going to Vegas. I have never been as an adult. Too bad I'll be working.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:50 AM
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66

What does somebody who lives on a deeply intellectual plain do in Vegas when not working?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:53 AM
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67

Just when you think you understand Canada.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 10:57 AM
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68

I just want to know more about the deeply intellectual plain you live on.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:06 AM
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69

67 to 68.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:08 AM
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70

Anyway, living the life of the mind is both a blessing and a curse.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:12 AM
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71

The plain is in Canada? I thought you lived somewhere in Pennsylvania.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:13 AM
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72

Pennsylvania is a plateau* (but an eroded one), not plains.

* Thanks Stormcrow.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:15 AM
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73

72 only confuses me further. I'm starting to suspect that maybe instead of "plain", it's possible you meant "plane".


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:18 AM
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74

The moral of the story is to always date the exes of horrible people.

Taking over jobs from horrible people is also really great.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:18 AM
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75

Anyway, the intellectual plains are metaphorical. Granted, most people have intellectual planes, but they aren't from Nebraska.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:18 AM
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76

75 before reading 73.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:19 AM
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72: Only the part we live in. Half of it is Real Honest-to-God Actual Mountains Made in Orogenies, not the endless horizon-hiding undulation that is our dissected plateau. I mean, I don't mind it, but it still gives me an uneasy feeling after all these years. It's a landscape lacking definition.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:30 AM
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78

Since we don't have Orogenies, I assume it must be something like Wegmans.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 11:53 AM
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79

It's snowing today, after three weeks of clear skies. The clear weather was fine, but I do like snow.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:02 PM
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80

66: Are you asking for a friend?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:03 PM
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81

Also my girlfriend (with whom I have had an experience similar to 42) is visiting this weekend. So that's nice.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:03 PM
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82

80: In case I get one.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:04 PM
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83

81: Also your girlfriend has a charming FB presence.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:11 PM
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83: Aw, thanks. She's really great. I should come up with a pseud for her.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:13 PM
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85

Maybe "Sharky." She likes sharks.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:14 PM
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86

66: Valley of Fires State Park is really interesting.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:15 PM
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65. I kind of hate Vegas, but I spend a lot of time there for work- and work-adjacent reasons. Despite the crowds, noise, heat and general grossness, it's actually pretty awesome. Here's what you should do!

- Magic shows! Penn & Teller are great magicians, except the libertarian ranting will drive you nuts. Don't listen, just watch! There are often cheap tickets at the Half Price kiosk next to the Coke bottle on the strip.

- Other shows! O at the Bellagio is for real one of Cirque du Soleil's best shows. It's expensive though, and there are rarely cheap seats. Boys II Men is playing at the Mirage, I bet you won't want to miss that.

- There's a shooting range where you can shoot shotguns and semiautomatic rifles.

- The food is kind of great!

If you have several hours to kill, you should go to the Oyster Bar at Palace Station. The line will make you want to kill yourself, but you will be amply rewarded at the end with oysters and pan roast and cocktails.

The cheapest steak dinner of reasonable quality is at Ellis Island casino. You have to have a slot machine card in order to get the best deal, but the card is free or like fifty cents or something.

The meat pies at Cornish Pastie Company.

I didn't find Lotus of Siam to be the revelatory experience that everyone else said it was, but it had pretty good Thai food.

I like to take a book to the Venetian and sit by a canal under the changing sky. It's just like being in Italy, except you're actually in Vegas, and it's horrible.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:16 PM
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I think I'll try the meat pie. I can shoot shotguns and semiautomatic rifles pretty much whenever I want and I'm nervous around raw oysters, very old boy bands, and absurdly flexible people.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:18 PM
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89

Is Caesar's Palace nice? It sounds nice, combining my favorite types of residence and salad. If it is sunny, I just won't go outside.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:25 PM
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89. I think they recently redid it, and it seems fancy, although I've never been in any of the rooms. But they also built a huge mall inside, and it's now a shopping mecca, so be forewarned.

HOWEVER! There's a 90% incoherent, 100% awesome, animatronics show in the middle of the Forum. I couldn't really tell what it was about, but it seemed to be maybe a kind of a Clash of the Titans-type storyline? There were different animatronic gods and heroes, and they argued a lot, and there was a lot of fog and lights. A++ would watch again.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:33 PM
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91

I'll be sure to find it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:36 PM
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92

I might wander the casino floor looking for statisticians who are trying to count cards.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 12:48 PM
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93

67: I kept waiting for the bear to show up.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 1:05 PM
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94

14: Sorry to hear.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 1:21 PM
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95

[intervened upon by the better angels of my nature]


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 1:35 PM
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96

Schubert is really pretty good!


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 1:37 PM
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97

I'm glad I refreshed before responding to 95.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 1:43 PM
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86 "Valley of Fires State Park" is a weird pseud for a gf but why not?


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 7:06 PM
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99

She is fiery, it's true.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-28-17 8:17 PM
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100

52: Moby!


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 5:58 AM
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101

But is she a common good?


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:00 AM
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102

All relationships should be judged against the standard of the Pences. Apparently, he doesn't attend events were alcohol is served without her. I guess because he's more interesting when he's drunk.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:26 AM
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103

He also won't eat alone with a woman who isn't his wife. This avoids the appearance of impropriety because who can adultery on an empty stomach?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:31 AM
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102: I think you've got this wrong. She only attends events with him where alcohol is served, because she has to be inebriated to tolerate being around him.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:33 AM
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103: If he's eating with a woman then he's not alone. You're very confused this morning, Moby.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:34 AM
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106

Oh. That's sensible.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:34 AM
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107

106 to 104.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:35 AM
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108

Of course, whether or not alcohol is served is a separate question from whether or not you bring alcohol for yourself.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:37 AM
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109

Anyway, I assume that's why women have purses.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:43 AM
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110

Women have purses to carry derringers.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:47 AM
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111

But hip-flasks are still curved to fit in a man's pocket, because patriarchy.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:49 AM
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112

111: Women's pockets are cut too small to hold flasks, ditto.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:50 AM
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113

Also, no hip flask will fit a whole fifth of vodka.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:51 AM
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114

And the threads on the caps are incredibly long, so it takes forever to unscrew them. Especially if your hands are shaking.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:54 AM
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115

How are you, Thorn? Apart from sexist clothing design.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:59 AM
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116

Oh, I don't exclusively wear women's pants, so I'm fine on that front. Otherwise I don't really belong in this thread right now, but I'm getting by.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:02 AM
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117

We're 100 comments in, you can say whatever you want.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:03 AM
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118

116: Are you still planning on visiting the heart of the heart of it all?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:05 AM
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119

118: Yeah, I have to email you. Or I could just comment here and tell you to email me when you want to hang out and I'll make my friend's husband (who is also a friend and not just a poor oppressed man, but his wife and I are closer) watch the girls.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:06 AM
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120

Anyway, I ruined it all yesterday with the bubble tea.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:06 AM
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119: So, you want to go out and get bubble tea with me at the Dlicious Café?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:08 AM
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122

Just don't forget your expensive sneakers.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:09 AM
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123

Should I borrow my stepdaughter's Hello Kitty tshirt?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:11 AM
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124

Whatever makes you most miserable, peep dear.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:18 AM
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125

Yes. Also grow bangs.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:18 AM
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126

Or maybe Thorn can handle that part.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:19 AM
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127

I don't think I should grow bangs. I got kind of an undercut style last time, not as extreme as I was hoping but whatever, perhaps I'm not an extreme person. But then it's grown out to be so much like the bob my grandmother wore for almost all my life that I kind of want to keep it like this.

I am so tired of being in limbo with Lee. Facebook does these stupid "on this day" things and today I got to see the one from a few months before we broke up where she posted about how much she misses me while I take the girls traveling for their spring break and how I deserve a break after that, somehow eliding what she'd been doing to undermine me while I was gone. The goal is still for me to be supportive and encouraging and play along to let her feel she's being a good parent every time she moves farther away from having time with the girls. She only has two more weekends with the younger two (if Mara even goes, which she doesn't want to and didn't last time) before she's leading a study abroad trip and gone for a month, and surely I can handle that. But my last child-free overnight was in August and I am still not doing what I should in terms of babysitters and we spend way too much time at Children's hospital. It's all fine, but it's hard.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:45 AM
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128

What's the cut-off for bringing them to adult hospital?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:49 AM
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Oh, they're getting great care! I'm just tired. Friday was eight hours between physical therapy, non-emergency x-rays, and urgent care/ER for a digestive problem. Tomorrow we can do PT again and then dinner in the cafeteria, which is the most exciting thing ever, then the heart-health exercise class for 90 minutes, then bedtime. Rinse, repeat.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:59 AM
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129 sounds like an exhausting routine.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:04 AM
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I'm really partly just whining. It's not that bad every week. If we weren't doing PT, it would be swimming lessons or something else. But balancing physical and mental health stuff plus dealing with a selfish jerk of a co-parent is just not fun no matter what.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:09 AM
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I think whining is important. It means you're exhausted and need sympathy. We all like you and think you're justifiably exhausted and can't really show up and babysit, but we can super sympathize. So the online part works out well.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:16 AM
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Sure, sympathy is nice! And I have a sort of tacky ATM I'd been thinking about sending but I kind of don't want to.

I get a monthly stipend from the state to care for the girls because that's what happens in adoption the state deems to cover kids with special needs or who are hard to place. (They also have Medicaid, so I'm not even paying except at the hospital cafeteria.) This was a long, annoying fight with Lee but eventually once our old house sold we got things settled so this money comes directly to me for all three girls. (One is with me 100%. The other two spend two hours a week most weeks with her and every other weekend, except you know when they're sick or whiny or whatever and she can't handle it.) Anyway, that's the backstory.

She's been adamant she can't and won't pay child support and I was partly going by Halford's advice to trade money for time. If I can have them with me as much as possible and benefiting from that stability, which has clearly been how things worked out, that's worth not getting extra money because I have enough for us to get by and have a decent life. On the other hand, the reason the state says kids deserve to have financial support from both parents is to keep one parent from scraping by while the other can't afford to pay child support because she bought a BMW and goes to restaurants every night, just as a hypothetical. The last time my lawyer raised the issue, bad stuff happened and we ended up agreeing to drop it during mediation. But I'm still sort of tempted and I know it's the part of me that's vindictive and that hopes she'll sign away her rights or something rather than pay anything. (It's not clear the judge would let her sign away her rights anyway since I don't have a partner who could do a second-parent adoption and a lot of judges in our area think kids need to have two legal parents no matter what. And the state would enforce payment and garnish her wages if there were an order in place.)

I'm talking to my lawyer and getting a second opinion and we have to get through our coparenting therapy to make a parenting plan first probably, which at this rate won't happen before she's back from her trip in June I bet, before I'll file anything. But even if we consider the girls' adoption subsidies as income to me, she's going to be responsible for an amount she won't want to pay according to the state calculator. And if people here are going to say I should just keep placating her because I'm getting what I want, I'm open to that.

I'm just also really sick both of having to placate her and be kind and supportive (all communication supposed to be through emails copying the coparenting therapist, though she still texts a lot) and of every professional we work with including the state abuse/neglect investigators deciding that the best course of action is to have me do more than they'd ask of an average person because I can do it and it makes everyone else's lives easier and I will because I care about the kids. So it would be kind of nice to punish someone who deserves it and get to roll around in money like Scrooge McDuck, right? Or just whine to friends online.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:30 AM
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Do you have enough income to comfortably have a babysitter take the girls on half-day outings on a monthly or bi-monthly basis?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:41 AM
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I mean semi-monthly. Once or twice a month.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:41 AM
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Four hours at $15/hour is only 60 bucks, which is easy. I don't think I have the time and energy to make that happen twice a month, but maybe one of my weekends I could. Double that for food and so on and it's still fine. I haven't done well actually finding babysitters, in part because the kids have been too volatile for me to feel safe going out anyway lately, but I have some people who've said they have names for me. I'm just not at the point where I'm even making that happen. We hike, we swim, we do stuff together. I just don't really escape.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:45 AM
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But this is a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem, it seems. Let's figure out what would constitute a restorative break on a regular basis, and then figure out how much money Lee should cough up to make that happen. I'm in favor of making her pay.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:47 AM
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I think she should pay too. Not to be vindictive but because hell yes, she should pay.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:48 AM
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Really that kind of break happens anyway. My mom takes them from about 10-2 once a month, which covers my travel time to and from the adoption support group I run plus a quick lunch. And then I get the girls and we go swimming the rest of the afternoon, which I hate but at least it wears them out. But that's probably not what you mean.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:48 AM
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I have no idea what you should ask for (is there a bat-signal for will?), but I would suggest documenting the time that you're spending doing things like hospital visits.

Even if it doesn't cost you money, it provides a good reason for bringing the question of child-support to the table. There are countless ways to trade time for money, and having so many demands on your time would make the extra money helpful as a way to deal with anything else.

But hopefully somebody who is either a parent or a lawyer can offer better advice.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:50 AM
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2nd 138.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:53 AM
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137: Oh, I don't think there's much flexibility. Either I say I want support or I don't. If I want it, our incomes go into the state's calculator and a number that would cover multiple days with a babysitter at that rate pops out. It saves her about $100/month if you consider the subsidies as my income, I think.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:53 AM
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The thing I'm stuck on is that when Nick S says There are countless ways to trade time for money, I think he means the exact opposite of what Halford seemed to advise you back in 133, I was partly going by Halford's advice to trade money for time. If I can have them with me as much as possible and benefiting from that stability, which has clearly been how things worked out, that's worth not getting extra money because I have enough for us to get by and have a decent life.

It sounds like Lee's time with the kids is fraught and not necessarily to your benefit, but I think your extra time deserves compensation and that the compensation shouldn't be discounted. Accommodating Lee has never worked before, and it's frustrating as hell, so fuck it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:55 AM
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Hospital visits get documented. Everything gets documented. She ignores the documents. Last time this came up, she had her lawyer file to request that I pay her child support even though the schedule was effectively the same at that point. All she understands is that this is all my fault and isn't fair and I'm ruining her life and need to stop being a terrible person.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:00 AM
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A judge presumably will not ignore the documents. Obviously you need to work out your optimal legal strategy, but IIREverythingC she's done more than enough, on record, simply to lose all rights and have support garnished, under a restraining order to boot.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:04 AM
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145: Ha, nope, the state found her responsible for abuse but thought I could just work out custody with her since they're safe while they're with me. No one cares. It's possible I can get full custody of Nia since they haven't spent time together in more than a year at this point.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:08 AM
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?


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:14 AM
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+ !!#!$!!%!?


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:15 AM
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I probably/maybe shouldn't talk about that? Stuff like that is why I haven't been posting all along. But we went through a 10-month investigation by the state only to find her responsible on all charges... with absolutely no punishment or case opened or anything. It's just my job to make sure nothing ever happens again, but if it does THEN they'll totally open a case. Maybe.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:15 AM
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In unrelated news I'm having my first ever gin and tonic which I made myself. I bought gin a couple of weeks ago when I went to the one place you can buy booze in Arrakis and some tonic and limes at my corner bodega this afternoon(what's Arabic for bodega? In Morocco we called them hanuts, OTOH it's run by Indians from Tamil Nadu). It's good.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:24 AM
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148 to 149. Anyway, this mineshafter thinks that that shit is outrageous and some laying of furiously angry vengeance is in order.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:25 AM
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And last time I filed for child support she threatened suicide and I had to go over to let the police into her apartment because she wouldn't open the door to them and so the girls saw her taken away in an ambulance yelling, though I contextualized that in a way that's kept them from knowing exactly what was really going on. So that kind of thing is what we're trying to avoid as much as possible.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:26 AM
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152 How disgustingly manipulative. Don't let yourself be manipulated.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:39 AM
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Right, we agreed in mediation that any future threats (this was the second iteration) can't go to me or my family members. So there's that. But I can't really also sit back and let it happen (not that I thought it would) and then tell the kids that oh sorry, I didn't feel like being manipulated.

Anyway, fun times like this are what have been keeping me quiet and mopey for the last long time.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:42 AM
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153 is exactly right.


Posted by: Heebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:46 AM
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Don't be mopey! You deserve better! Fury! Vengeance! Extra money!


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:58 AM
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I have fury, believe me. And I'm doing fine as a parent. That's the stuff that matters.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 10:02 AM
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First you get the money then you get the vengeance.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 10:03 AM
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Preach it, sister.


Posted by: Opinionated Medea | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 10:05 AM
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Thorn, just wanted to chime in with the support. I hope her interest in even minimal parenting continues to tail off. You've been more than patient. I'm rooting for the day when you get to block her phone number (or change yours), put her out of your head, and never look back. Bonus if that comes with extra money. (Also, 152 is WTF regarding the police. If anyone, the police seem like they ought to be trained for such a situation!)

You're a good mom, and I know the girls are healing and growing because of your hard work. Eventually, this phase will pass.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 10:18 AM
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160: I'm a little confused too but apparently she called the police herself to see if she could get a supervisor to get the police at her door to go away and that meant there were two groups of people giving instructions and so the ones who'd told me I could move my car before anything happened weren't the ones who decided she'd escalated enough and had to go. And then by police request I got to spend the rest of that night sitting in the ER waiting to have to show the doctor the text she'd sent. She still wants me to pay for the cost of the visit and ambulance ride, though I think her lawyer talked her out of taking that to court, alas. Allllll my fault, as previously noted.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 10:23 AM
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Yikes. If karma actually exists, I hope that coming pack as Pegasus will be enough compensation. Hang in there.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 11:25 AM
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Stay gold, flying-pony girl.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 11:29 AM
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My sympathies. That's really some next-level awfulness.


Posted by: X. Trapnel | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 11:36 AM
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This seems important to me in my part of the country: http://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2017/03/american-opioid-epidemic.html


Posted by: roger the cabin boy | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 11:39 AM
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I'm not sure 165 is appropriate for the good-news thread.

In good news in my house, my 10-year-old broke my 8-year-old's nose on Sunday, and today we learned that the break is "clean" and won't require reconstructive surgery or anything similar.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 12:00 PM
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166-1 I don't know why it wouldn't be. I've seen people post here about how awful white people are, and how much better things will be when they die off.


Posted by: roger the cabin boy | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 12:23 PM
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166.2 does sounds like good news indeed!

165: My mom will have the kids Friday afternoon for a few hours and I was thinking of going to Narcan training at the library if I finish work early enough, but I'm not actively involved with any heroin users on a regular basis (AFAIK) and I can't leave the girls alone to go out and administer anything, so it really wouldn't do anyone any good. It just feels like the sort of thing a person ought to be able to do.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 2:08 PM
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166: yikes! good!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 2:24 PM
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Petty response to 133.5 - surely a bit of computer cleverness could enforce that all email not cc'ing the mediator, and all texts, got turned into emails cc'ing the mediator 20 minutes before you had to see them.

Passive-aggressiveness translated into code is disturbingly pure quill.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 2:29 PM
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Thorn, in 168.2, do you need to spend your only free time on something you "ought" to do? Because that class doesn't sound relaxing.

Lap patchwork in a cafe that does cream teas, maybe. (Trying to remember what you've said you like.)


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 2:52 PM
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Yes. What she said.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 3:04 PM
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Of course, learning about heroin is probably one of those things that's hard to quit.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 3:05 PM
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Thorn, FWIW, I'm on Team Great Vengeance and Furious Anger. Make her pay every last damn penny she owes.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 3:38 PM
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170: Probably, but I've specifically been asked to be more straightforward and kind so I don't come across as snarky.

And I won't ACTUALLY take on more burdens. I'm not really making any progress on patchwork or knitting projects, though at least I still read. Definitely no progress around the house cleaning or unpacking. I should have a little time off to prepare for spring break with cleaning and naps, I hope.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 3:58 PM
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And then by police request I got to spend the rest of that night sitting in the ER waiting to have to show the doctor the text she'd sent.

Tell those hillbillies to just have you bring it up on your phone so they can take a pic of it and if the doc really needs to speak with you he/she can call like everyone else.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 4:38 PM
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I have 779 Magikarp.candy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 5:44 PM
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176: I did suggest that and was denied. The ER doctor believed her that she was just venting and was reasonable not to answer when the police banged on her door because she wanted to relax and watch tv instead of deal with drama. Both the police and ER are in her town/county and I haven't had to deal with them otherwise, thank goodness.

This is all long ago by now, almost a year. I'm just bitter because things still aren't resolved but that's also because I've gone deliberately slowly and every chance she gets she gives up more parenting time. It would be nice too get her down from here, but we'll see. She doesn't send as many messages saying I'm fat and mentally ill and worthless as she used to, so things are improving I guess.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:41 PM
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Current goal is not to be told by the police to hang onto this phone when it's dying so they can have physical evidence if they need it, which would be a nice change after my last two. I can't believe this is my life, but the kids are doing so much better than they would if we were together, which is the most important part.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 6:44 PM
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I've been traveling so I'm late on this. Good things: Unfoggèdteers. I had lunch with Thorn yesterday at a solid Mexican restaurant in her town. I had tongue tacos. Today I had lunch with JRoth at an excellent noodle restaurant in his town. I had lots of food there, including soup dumplings. Both Thorn and JRoth are excellent company. All good things!


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 7:53 PM
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It was great to see you again! If we'd had a soup dumpling option in walking distance, I'd have gone with that.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 8:33 PM
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The Mexican place was great! You are great! Lee is a nightmare! Emotionally I'm on Team Vengeance. Practically, that doesn't matter. She should contribute her share. She isn't doing it with her time, so money.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:23 PM
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But most importantly it should be what works for you and your children.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 03-29-17 9:24 PM
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