I have used
the pages
that were in
the outhouse
and which
you were probably
saving
to read now
Forgive me
they were needed
the fiber
in the plums
When and how did this become a thing? I feel like it's been done here for ages. Was the Mineshaft just ahead of the trend, or what?
It was a thing here before I got here, but I invented poop jokes.
Well it goes like this: the plums, the box,
The sweet cold taste, and the breakfast lost,
Sung to the tune of:
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
NickS, did you get a front-page poster role on Standpipe's blog?
Tia!
That was me being slow, actually. I read the OP, didn't immediately spot the reference, and then had an earworm that I was trying to place.
I thought it started with "Variations on a Theme by William Carlos Williams".
It took me a while too, but IIRC my lack of cultural fluency led to the exchange that originally inspired Standpipe's blog, so that's not much of a consolation.
That's what's next level about it, see.
And understanding that gets to Level 3?
Has anyone posted this one before?
I have stolen
The cars
That were in your
Race
And which
You were planning
to use
In crimes
Forgive me
They were
So fast
And so furious
17 made me laugh.
Also I hadn't gotten the reference in the OP, although I was pretty clear that I was missing something.
Then I went on a small hunt to figure out which version sounds right to me - I had some canonical Hallelujah in my head - and you'll all think more highly of me when you learn that it turned out to be the version from Shrek, which the kids watch in the minivan on road trips, so I hear it in the background without really paying attention. At least it's Rufus Wainwright, who I believe is considered respectable? I think I like him.
17 is just the best.
Also, it's always worth rereading "I Will Alarm Islamic Owls":
I will be alarming
the Islamic owls
that are in
the barn
and which
you warned me
are very jittery
and susceptible to loud noises
Forgive me
they see so well in the dark
so feathery
and so dedicated to Allah
The rhyme really sucks on that one, though. nosflow's are much more clever.
I don't get it, confused the olds? The olds have been memeing plums since before the millennials were a twinkle.
Shit, I was on that before I even set foot here:
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010693.html
I'm still quite pleased with
We took the plums, we knew we took them, and things have come out against us; and therefore we have no cause for complaint... Had we lived, we should have replaced them in a manner that would have stirred the heart of every breakfasting Englishman. These rough notes and scattered plum stones must tell the tale.
It seems a pity, but they were very cold and delicious.
R. Scott.
For God's sake, look after our icebox.
19 is my very favorite of the poet's-name-anagram poems. Hooray!
There's a man inside the White House,
I guess you know him well.
His name is Donald J. Trump,
And damn his soul to hell.
We'll kick him in the tweeters,
And put him on the run,
And that'll be the biggest thing
That folx have ever done.
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano BuendÃa was to remember that distant afternoon when he ate the plums.
Easter Bunny, as portrayed by Katy Perry's ex?
31: Respect the sanctity of off-blog knowledge!
Oh, thank you for the link in 24. I had forgotten how wonderful Making Light used to be. Possibly still is, but that brought back so intensely the assuagement of loneliness it gave me in those years.
I really like, plums more than I like berries
I love them madly, they're so sweet and your icebox
had some cold, delicious ones you'd saved for breakfast
So I thought: "I'll eat them...then just leave a note"
So is the next level just that they are mashups?
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a meme mashing a cold icebox - delicious.
This one genuinely made me laugh.
24, 33: Making Light is more sparsely attended these days, for a variety of reasons, but still harbors moments of wonderfulness. I met up with about half a dozen denizens at the Helsinki Worldcon before scampering to a concert by Clipping.
It's the first place I thought of when it came to looking for references about wcwilliamsing.
This from 2005, in a post in which TNH hits on a method for not getting published by the International Library of Poetry.
This Is Just To Say
I deleted
the spam
that was in
the inbox
and which
you were probably
reading
as poetry
forgive me
they were meritricious
so false
and so bold
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/006498.html
The legendary Slushkiller thread (2004) reports second hand that a literary journal was using a pastiche as a rejection letter.
This is just to say we have taken some plums
we found in our mailbox.
You were hoping they would be
yours. Forgive us,
others seemed
sweeter
or colder
more bold
or whatever.
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/004641.html
Finally, duelling plums from a thread that starts with a riff on the 23rd psalm for software documentation.
This Is Just To Say
I have not read
the FAQ
that was on
the webpage
and which
you were probably
hoping
I would read
Forgive me
I am impatient
and dumb
and lazy
++
This Is Just To Say
I *have* read
the FAQ
that was on
the webpage
and which
you were probably
hoping
would answer my question.
Forgive me,
it did not.
FAQs seldom do.
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/016428.html
By jdparadise:
To filch, or not to filch: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the end to suffer
The growls and grumbles of outrageous hunger,
Or to purloin forthwith a taste of sweetness,
And by consuming end them? To taste: to thirst;
No more; and by a thirst to say we end
The want-ache and the thousand wanton needs
Such fruit gives rise to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To taste, to feed;
To feed: perchance to sate; ay, there's the rub;
For in that taste of bliss what needs may rise
When we have swallowed down this tasty fruit,
Must give us pause: there's the regard
That makes an enemy of our good friend;
For who could bear the cries and loss of He,
The dear fruit's lawful, the good man gone hungry,
The pangs of hollowed gut from man unfed,
The indolence of hunger and the spurns
Such blessed worthy to the sated gives
When he himself might his bellyful get
With a peeled orange? Who would a plum eat,
And beg and pule before an angry friend
But that the dread of some thin hungry lust,
The always empty belly to which bourn
The mind ever returns, weakens the will
And makes us rather eat those fruits we know
Than bear another that we like much less?
Thus app'tite does make gluttons of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is o'erwheeled 'neath the great force of need
And enterprises of best wish and intent
By this sweet fruit their resolve be dash'd,
And lose our friend's affection.
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010693.html#300765
So many of these are great. Every internet community does its own plum poems, apparently.
I'm sorry that happened to you, Mossy.
It started as an innocent joke. Then the spam filters came.
I ate the plums today
Because they were so sweet
And then I thought I'd say
I was sorry in this tweet
You probably had meant
To eat them up yourself
I'm sorry that I stole
Them from the icebox shelf
Oh, my sweetest friend,
What have I become?
A fructivorous prick
Who snaffles others' plums?
I thought I'd eat them all
And leave you not a bit
I have let you down
Golly, I'm a shit
Though you inverted the first two lines of the chorus?
Just popped up in my feed elsewhere:
This is just to say
I have given
your future
to the top 10th
of the 1%.
I know
you were probably
planning
on school
When I say
you should work harder
I meant
To enrich me.
You should have
been born like me
so rich
and so cold
-Elizabeth Bear
59: I was rather proud of that actually.
60 is excellent.
19: many more by the same author here. I am fond of the David Mamet 2001 (Dammit, Dave)
Whoops , here. http://www.yarnivore.com/francis/Holy_Tango.htm
The link in 66 is just wonderful. I don't think anything in the collection is better than William Blake on the Flintstones, but then, what could be?
LIKABLE WILMA
WILLIAM BLAKE
Wilma, Wilma, in thy blouse,
Red-haired prehistoric spouse,
What immortal animator
Was thy slender waist's creator?
When the Rubble clan moved in,
Was Betty jealous of thy skin,
Thy noble nose, thy dimpled knee?
Did he who penciled Fred draw thee?
Wilma, Wilma, burning bright, ye
Cartoon goddess Aphrodite,
Was it Hanna or Barbera
Made thee hot as some caldera?
Nice to see Felix in fine form here.