Oh, wait, you mean admissions essays.
It's Trump. Because the world is fucked.
My first thought was "presumably God" but I doubt that an American would have described God as a person. Jesus?
Trump was my next guess. Then Obama. Then the standard Facebook inspirationals - Einstein, Gandhi, MLK.
Then I looked at the answer - I don't actually know who that is.
I looked and was relieved, more or less.
OK, I googled the right answer. Hmm. Another one for the file of evidence that American undergraduates are no longer recognisably human.
Pwned because how can you guess if you read the other comments first.
Atticus Finch? (But probably not now if her ever was.)
Surely most college applicants are female these days, so 15 and 18 are off the list.
Heh. I bet girls apply to more colleges than boys, and so overachieving girls make up a disproportionate number of essays.
I had assumed Obama or Steve Jobs but ajay has resumably heard of them. Ergo, Taylor Swift.
The bigger scandal here is that ajay doesn't know who that is (the right answer, not Taylor Swift).
Good Christ, don't tell me it's Ivanka.
You can tell those people because of the black turtleneck in the headshot.
25: She's Jewish now. Not His problem.
In attempt to see if the answer in 10 was ever someone particularly noted in admissions essays I did a search. Unable to determine but I can say there is a strong market in selling Atticus Finch college essays in general (and admission essays specifically noted in a few cases).
I don't care about Him, I care about my peace of mind.
I looked up the answer, and it definitely would not have been one of my first thousand guesses.
Guessing from 21, maybe Ada Lovelace. Or Hedy Lamarr.
This is your "you should feel old" reminder: the person in question was born in 1979, and the works for which she is best known were first released in 1997. People currently writing college applications probably know her best from the movies. The might have seen the or sixth one in theaters, I guess, but probably not the earlier ones.
I phrased that vaguely to avoid spoilers for anyone who is still guessing. I think that's all technically correct but if I got any details wrong, apologies.
Longshot guess: Frederick the Great of Prussia
"I too aspire to be a gay enlightened despot who conquers Silesia."
Monkeys with keyboards have a better chance at mining a bitcoin than I had of getting that right. Who won the Battle of the Cedars?
35 reveals that the female thing is correct. Hermione Granger? Is it canon that those books take place in the present day, instead of a nebulous time? (looks it up) Yes!
I suppose, what personal experiences can the typical Ivy League applicant write about, whose entire life story is "goes to school and does well in school"? Being compared to fictional star students!
I definitely remember hearing a similar story about law school, with half of all essays being about being inspired to go to law school by watching "Legally Blonde".
Is that why Meghan Markle moved to England to marry a redhead who spent a lot of time in castle?
hugo grotius. the catholic portugese were all, "we're fucking with your ships" and the protestants replied with "BOOM: A 2600-PAGE TREATISE ON INTERNATIONAL LAW PROVING WE'RE RIGHT TAKE THAT". yeah, it's mos def grotius. #relatable
I phrased that vaguely to avoid spoilers for anyone who is still guessing
Now I'm trying to think of anyone who fits the criteria you listed to avoid spoilers who isn't the right answer- b1979, in a series of at least 6 movies starting in 1997.
no wait, sextus empiricus. college students seek ataraxia because they are lazy.
Are these people going to be on the test?
I asked my 12-year old daughter, and it took her forever to get it, even after I gave her an extraordinary number of hints.
Don't let her apply to college for a couple of years.
51: yes but if you take it in a bar you get a 20-sided die saving throw for each name.
Well most 12 year olds haven't heard of ching shih yet and don't know that they want to major in piracy on the high seas.
43: Fun fact, it's canon that the books take place about six years before the present day. (First book published 1997, set in 1991, each book was set a year apart but some were published more than a year apart.) There are only like two references to dates through the whole series, and they place it not in the years the books were published, but a little earlier.
47: A fair point, but I thought I kept some important parts ambiguous. (Best known for a work published in 1997, but the first movie was later, and I didn't say if she was a fictional character or not.) I was more worried about mentioning her gender. Also, I'm under the impression that if most people think about when the books are set, they assume they were set in the present day rather than earlier.
A movie where ching shih captures Brown and holds the aspiring [real answer] undergrads for ransom would be pretty great.
State School Cyrus doesn't know what "no spoilers" means.
and grotius could plead ching shih's case like in de praedae (on booty).
Do the kids still learn about Hugo Grotius? I don't think I heard the name until late in undergraduate years.
"Still"? When did the kids ever learn about Hugo Grotius?
Of course, I've only attended state schools.
58: Unlike those who went to a school known for clinging to concepts and ideas well past the point where they no longer add any tangible value to the world.
It's too bad my stepdaughter didn't get to write a college application essay. There wouldn't have been a dry eye in the whole Admissions Office at her description of the grief of young Simba and how that inspired her to take responsibility.
63: shut your whore mouth about my classics degree! it adds lots of tangible value to...um...yeah!
I looked up the answer and didn't know who it was and assumed it was some academic or public intellectual I'd never heard of. Then I googled the name. Now I am skeptical of the accuracy of the anecdote.
I'm pretty sure that we can tell from the anecdote the specific Ivy League school the admissions director was from.
The anecdote is completely plausible. You're writing an essay about your life so far and how it has led you to want to attend a prestigious Ivy League college. Your life so far has included no experiences worth writing about, making these essays utterly pointless, but you still have to write one.
So you write about what a good student you are, which necessarily includes a (maybe self-deprecating) mention of how you identify with, or have been compared to, the modern archetype of the good (female) student: Hermione Granger.
Upon peeking, my reaction was the opposite of urple's: "Of course!"
Obama would be trite, Jobs trite and misplaced. The truth is just vaguely sickening.
Hermione Granger is the good parts of Neoliberalism, personified. Umbrage, the bad parts.
The only thing I'm surprised by in this thread is how many people don't recognize the name. I realize not everyone sees the same movies, but I would recognize lots of references to things I haven't seen personally. It's not like we're talking about an obscure franchise. It's like, "I don't even own a TV, see major movies, subscribe to a streaming service, or do anything that could even expose me to an ad for visual media. I don't use my Web browser for anything besides this blog I am currently commenting on."
Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised. Five years ago when I moved into my current neighborhood, I happened to be wearing a "Republicans for Voldemort" t-shirt. Some neighbors didn't recognize the name and assumed I was a Republican.
72.2: Are you sure they didn't recognize the name?
When I see people in Trump t-shirts, I never think they are being ironic.
Ag school admissions essays frequently mention the Granger movement.
I don't use my Web browser for anything besides this blog I am currently commenting on
Even that restriction should not prevent you from knowing who Hermione is, at least if you were on the blog around the time she turned 18.
Hogmarts, a locally owned chain. Voldemart, a national big box store.
I mean of course I know who Voldemort is. But I don't know the names of all the side characters.
Voldemort is more of a side character than Hermione, if anything. I guess his name is more memorable.
I applied to colleges in, I suppose it must have been, 2001. Wonder what the most common was then. My guy was Alexander Pope.
More interesting to me is the implication that Ivy League admissions directors are familiar with the works of JKR. I suppose most of them have kids, is the answer.
EVERYONE IS FAMILIAR WITH THE WORKS OF JKR. Who are all you fuddy-duddies? What is this, Crooked Timber nowadays?
EVERYONE IS FAMILIAR WITH THE WORKS OF JKR.
This is correct. I haven't read the novels, but I'm still familiar with the basic outlines and characters (in part because of unfogged discussions).
It's one of those things everyone has to know like that Hans Solo was captain of the Enterprise and that Orestes killed his mother and married his mother.
87 turned out even wronger than I planned.
When I saw the name, I knew who it was. Haven't read the books or seen the movies, and couldn't tell you anything interesting about her character. Would not have included her on a list of influential people, real or imagined.
68.1 strikes me as correct.
Your life has included no experiences worth writing about
That's what the person I hired to ghostwrite my autobiography told me.
I'm still skeptical. Would kids apply to college today even be familiar with Harry Potter (except in a general cultural sense)? This seems like an anecdote from 5-10 years ago.
Urple, that's when the essays today's kids are plagiarizing were written.
59 Does Grotius even do booty calls?
My son won't mention Harry Potter in his college application because I'm going to tell him not to, but he's dressed as Harry Potter for Halloween twice. Of course kids still know/read Harry Potter.
Local man plans for teenage son to listen to him.
I'm going to start now, before he's a teen.
96: Moby's already written his son's essay, and it's all about Pokémon characters.
I call trolling on 92. There's no way someone with kids thinks Harry Potter was some flash in the pan phenomenon that kids today wouldn't have heard about.
those who went to a school known for clinging to concepts and ideas well past the point where they no longer add any tangible value to the world
You might be recalling that I was admitted to the U of C, but forgetting that I did not attend.
And I wasn't seriously denigrating state schools, just reacting to the auto-innoculating latent snobbery of the original tweet: this is at an Ivy league school, so don't think it's the common folk doing this...
So does anyone remember their own college application assays? I only remember that my dad came up with some anecdote to start the assay with, something about how we were late getting me to Smart Kids Camp one year, and I took it from there. Not sure if it worked.
That's the thing urple says you find hard to believe was sincere?
My kids were interested in Harry Potter years ago when there were movies coming out, but not more recently than that. They have the books on their bookshelves, placed there by their mother, but have never shown particular interest in them. She read them the first few when they were younger.
I'm going to ask them at dinner tonight if they recognize the name "Hermione Granger." I will report back.
"Say Anything, except 'expelliarmus'."
Guys its BROWN and the actress who played Hermione went to BROWN and therefore there are 10,000 application essays that say "I first learned of BROWN when I read
That the actress who played my childhood heroine and lifelong inspiration, Hermione Granger, was going to attend BROWN, indeed (indeed!) ever since that day I have dreamt of nothing -- literally nothing -- other eating quahogs and that chocolate milk thing and other strangely-named Rhode Island-specific foods while attending your esteemed institution named BROWN."
Does Princeton get the same thing but with Natalie Portman?
106 suggests the kids are just brown-nosing (no pun intended) in these essays, instead of writing something sincere. Sickening if that is really what happens.
Based on 106, the person most mentioned in college essays at my alma mater would have been Dan Marino.
that chocolate milk thing
EXCUSE ME, IT'S COFFEE MILK
Not Orrin Hatch or Michael Chabon?
110: Rhode Island invented putting coffee in milk? That's pretty great. Coffee is too bitter otherwise.
a school known for clinging to concepts and ideas well past the point where they no longer add any tangible value to the world
Like Big 10 football?
108: urple is now shocked at insincerity in college admission essays.
100: You might be recalling that I was admitted to the U of C, but forgetting that I did not attend.
Ha! No, I don't think I ever knew that. Just assumed that you had attended.
114: 2017-18 Bowl records:
Big 10: 7-1
PAC 12 : 1-8
117 is irrelevant.
Big Ten football doesn't fit because it never added any tangible value to the world.
Send email asking me for money:
Big 10: 2-14
PAC 12: 0-12
No. Getting me to feel guilty enough to open your emails is a win.
116
Is saying "you seem like a U of C alum" simply a mildly politer way of saying "you seem like an asshole?"
199: Even so there are 14 schools in the Big 10, and so if you think of it as wins and losses it should be 2-12.
This may be the stupidest comment I've ever been serious about.
107- What? Portman went to Harvard.
My 8 year old is reading them but like so many before him has stalled on book 5. He gets to watch each movie after he finished each book but even that isn't pushing him through the 700+ pages.
I always get those universities confused.
Maybe Brooke Shields went to Princeton?
Portman went to Harvard.
I remember Zadie Smith's description of, "that tiny, exquisite movie star trailed by fan-boys through the snow wherever she went"
Also, Yglesias, "My main pursuit has been a remorseless quest to become the most famous member of the class of 2003, a mission in which I've been stymied at every turn by Miss Natalie Portman."
127: Now he has to contend with Jared Kushner's rise to prominence, too.
I once, pre-Trump, had a thought of "who is the stupidest major public figure I can think of, in the sense that the intelligence to successful career ratio is as small as possible (just inheriting money or a throne excluded -- you have to have been actively very successful, just while being extremely stupid.) The best I could come up with was local sports talk radio personality "Vic The Brick." That same day I learned that he went to ... my alma mater, Cornell.
I think Portman is the one who ran into Yglesias in college, and thought his name was Mike Iggles.
In my defence I would probably have known who they meant if they had just said "Hermione" but I didn't remember the character's surname so it defamiliarised the name when I saw it.
Hans Solo was captain of the Enterprise and that Orestes killed his mother
But at the end of "Seven Against Hoth" it turns out that Orestes really is Hans' mother.
134 And his father is Captain Christopher Pike.
Update: my kids both know who Hermione Granger is.
Too easy. Ask them if they know who Charity Burbage is.
136: They're ready to apply to Ivy League Universities! Congratulations!
107: The brown-nosing name was/is constantly changing. In the 10 years before my application, it would have been someone involved in Hill Street Blues, Ted Danson, and Holly Hunter. Subsequently, Billy Porter and Christian Borle, and now 2 cast members of Hamilton.
For a chosen few, it's the guy with the big nose from "Benson".