Three days does not seem like a lot of time for a cat to get used to an entirely new household, let alone be positively affectionate.
Oh, for sure. We're still keeping her in the bathroom. Kids are only going in on their best behavior, sitting quietly on the floor, etc.
She's pretty flinchy about the noises coming from the rest of the house - like the bathroom is her bunker and the bombs are raining down outside. So maybe once she can see what causes the noises, she'll relax.
I just don't want to subject her to a miserable life if she's never going to be able to handle the noise...
(but keep the encouraging comments coming, they make me feel better.)
Are you all dog people? Somehow I got that impression that there are more of you here.
Yeah. No guarantees, every cat is different, but this can take a little while longer.
We adopted a shelter cat, maybe a year old at the time, who spent the first two weeks hiding in the basement. She now follows us around the house and is very affectionate - I wouldn't give up yet! (She's also smart enough to go hide in my closet when she needs time on her own.)
2. Seconding, especially where an actual kitten is concerned. Can you try cosseting her elsewhere than the bathroom, such as a comparatively quiet bedroom? Head scratches, chin rubs, etc., while not letting her run away. Cats are very concerned at all times about their environment, and especially in a busy household where people and things move around a lot, it will take a while for her to scope everything out and settle down. One kitten, especially if she is really young, needs extra reassurance.
GY is correct. The cat will hide in one spot where it feels comfortable. Then gradually expand its range while still avoiding people. Then stop avoiding people as much.
Cat person here, three days is not nearly enough time.
I don't know if there is data for this, but in my experience cats can also get accustomed to adults but then freak out if there is a different sized person (toddler) so hopefully it can become familiar with all of you at once.
I think my wife's cat took a while to get used to me because it was used to people a foot shorter than me (my wife and her grandma).
Creatures of habit.
7. Excellent way to put it. A cat is to your house as Putin is to Ukraine. One bit(e) at a time.
For the last three or fours years my wife's family would visit us for a week every July. Mother-in-law, sister-in-law, two young children, and occasionally more. Our cat--who was always very jumpy, and needed a lot of emotional support--would be absolutely freaked out at first, but by the end would be cautiously sniffing around the kids. Each year, the amount of time it took went down; by last year, she was friendly with the children by the second day.
It breaks my heart to see cats suffering emotionally, but this really is something that you have to take slowly. Establish a base of comfort, let her accept you, allow her to gradually engage her curiosity but don't force it. A week or two is a more likely time scale.
Perhaps open the door to the bathroom a crack when it's quiet at night, and let her look around if she wants?
Just to be clear, I'm not expecting her to be her regular self in 3 days! I would expect that to take 6-12 months.
I'm just saying that approaching a trusted person whom you cuddle and purr with, under completely quiet circumstances, is a pretty low bar.
(I'm arguing because I want you all to keep arguing with me. Keep convincing me!)
I was thinking about starting to let her explore the house at night, with the other cats put away, tonight. Not for the entire night but for a little while, give her a feel for the lay of the land so that she can find some hiding spots.
Then I guess introduce her to the other cats, when she's used to the house?
Our current cats are not terribly dominant, and she's so meek. They might all have a freak out, but I'm not ultimately TOO worried about this step. Maybe I should be!
Like, what are the indicators that she should achieve, in order to unlock full house access?
Also, planning courses for the fall has be procrastinating in overdrive. I've started, because I'm too nervous to delay, but I can't actually make progress without checking EVERY WEBPAGE first, because it's so stressful and full of the kind of tasks I'm worst at.
Maybe petting a cat would calm you?
I'm really confused about how to get students to submit math answers online for quizzes/exams. I don't exactly want everything to be multiple choice (too tempting to cheat), but they can't type calculus answers.
re: 14
Depends on the cats, I guess. When I was a teenager a friend and I found some abandoned kittens. Literally taped up in a box at the side of the road. I had them at my house for about a week.
My existing cat tried to kill them, whenever she could. No compromise. Maybe if we'd had them for longer, she'd have gradually come round. I don't know. That cat was a fairly fierce hunter, but had also had a lot of kittens of her own, so I was surprised at how aggressive she was.
18: Have you looked at MyOpenMath? It's got short answer questions, and they're really good about accepting a wide range of formats, or steering students towards acceptable formats.
Plus free/open source/etc. I found it worked really well last spring.
You can also put your own questions in it, although I've just used the question bank.
I have a shelter cat, got her when she was 5. She was completely terrified for three days, hid in crevices exclusively. After about a week, she would look around other rooms and sit in the open in an empty room, Took a while to decide she liked people, was especially terrified of kids. Now I am her best friend.
7, 11, 13 make sense to me.
20: How do you use that in an exam setting? We're supposed to use Respondus Monitor, which would then block them from going to another website.
I'm considering AIME-style every answer is an integer between 0 and 9999, combined with some projects where they write up answers to much harder questions than a typical homework/quiz (which is ok since it's honors).
I'd thought the way to introduce cats was supposed to be to keep the new one cooped up in a small room like you're doing, but occasionally swap so the others are smelling the new cat and the new cat is smelling them without interacting with them. That was my goal when introducing our formerly outdoor cat, but the three conspired to open the bathroom door from both sides and so he got loose on the first night (and they did it again immediately after we tried putting him back in the morning) and so we didn't do a gradual introduction. They still aren't all loving to one another, though the new cat lets the dog lick him and has actually emboldened the others around the dog, but he's good with the kids and adults. But he was also 3 and pretty lovey already. Good luck!
I thought you were supposed to let them look at each other's LinkedIn page first and see if they connected.
24: ah, we don't have any test-monitoring anti-cheating software like that.
Does it do the thing where they have to keep their camera on, and it flags if they look away from the screen in a suspicious way?
Are your classes too big where it would be prohibitive to have them write their answers on paper, snap a photo, and send you a PDF?
but occasionally swap so the others are smelling the new cat and the new cat is smelling them without interacting with them.
They're definitely sniffing the door, and the old kitties don't react anymore when I smell like new kitty.
But maybe I should lock the big kitties in the new kitty bathroom, when I take her for a test drive? Really let them marinate in it...
I guess we can't get a cat because we don't have a bathroom we can give up for that long.
We're still using the bathroom, but we're not showering in there.
Maybe that's why the kitten isn't warning up to you? Usually, I don't shit around people I just met for that very reason.
Technically she's a catlet-mama. She's about a year old, and recently spayed, and the kittens were re-homed.
27: Yes it does the thing where it flags suspicious times so you can go back and look at the recording.
We're explicitly told we can't use Zoom for proctoring, because it's a privacy concern to require students to turn on their camera when other students can see it. I suppose I can have them do it on paper and take photos, but that also makes cheating very easy at the sending it in stage. I guess they're going to have to be able to do scratch work either way, which means they can sneak in any notes they want.
Wait, so she's purring in your lap after three days and you think expecting her to also be okay with you approaching her is a low bar?
I would say that the level of comfort with you she's exhibited in this short amount of time clears a high bar of affection. Cats make a big distinction between approaching and being approached.
I've come to the conclusion that all I'm going to cover in the tests is the algorithmic stuff, and make the tests worth much less, and have them doing challenging problems during class that they then turn in with their homework for the grader, to build the deeper understanding.
I'm a little uneasy having the undergrad grader be one largely responsible for assessing their work, but I'm also not willing to grade their written homework, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Maybe I should collect certain problems throughout the semester and have those constitute a test grade. Hmm.
34: Almost, but your point still stands. I want her to approach me. (I really just want a sign that indicates that I'm not entirely coercing her when I pick her up and put her in my lap, even if she responds well to coercion.)
My idea was to get rid of exams and have weekly quizzes that were longer than usual so that they have to successfully cheat 15 times instead of 3, which is logistically a lot more challenging. But I can't even figure out how to do the weekly quizzes.
My experience is that homework is essentially useless today, there's just too much cheating on it. So I've been making homework ungraded but having quiz questions closely related to homework.
I have them do challenging questions in class, but in groups, so I'm not real happy with using that for assessment. And there's usually not time for them to write up full solutions to them. I'm thinking of having them write up some of them afterwards for grades. But I think they'll cheat a lot.
34 is correct.
Also I think you should let her out of the bathroom, but not if she might encounter other cats. Typically you want to keep them separated for... 2 weeks?
I was speculating that certain types of cheating are easier over zoom, but other types are easier in classes. Like, I was thinking if they work in groups in zoom breakout rooms, it's harder to straight up copy someone's answer than it is in live groupwork. Whereas anything that you can just google is much easier over zoom than it is during class.
37: So this anti-cheating software requires that you administer the exam or quiz through that site specifically, with its restrictions on capability? That's super annoying.
I'd expect the groups will all just exchange photos of one person's writeup and work off that.
Are you really going to have more than one good student in each section anyway?
36: Oh, I see, I missed the "I pull her in" part. Still, yes, you're expecting too much too fast. And I think at least some unilateral cuddling is an accepted method of habituation.
41: dang it, I'm sure you're right.
Mass education that places incentives in such a way that
1. cheating is highly rewarded if you're not caught
2. cheating is insanely easy
3. Stakes are high for low grades, and the course is designed to produce a normal distribution of medium grades
is just a doomed approach for education.
At any rate, I'm feeling much better about kitty. Thank you all.
Any stories of cats who never did warm up, and you just lived with cold, scared cats? Our current two cats haven't become significantly warmer since they were maybe two years old. They're five now. I did get one of them to regularly sit in my lap, happily purring, for about 30 seconds. It's good for her, but doesn't really count as being a proper cat.
In my case I don't need to worry about a normal distribution, because it's an honors class and I try to match the grades to where they'd be in the normal version of the class. But that also means they're all used to only getting A's, and will still cheat to try to turn a B+ into an A, even though there aren't any real stakes. They've just internalized the pressure to get perfect grades.
Have you tried keeping them in a bathroom and gradually introducing them to the stupider people in the university?
Also I think "watch my eyes" technology might make me super nervous during a test.
Focusing the camera on their chest is probably going to be much worse.
I don't know why you'd even suggest it.
Any stories of cats who never did warm up, and you just lived with cold, scared cats?
In my first North London place, we had a regular cat visitor, who was extremely insistent about being let in and getting attention, but equally standoffish about actually being petted. Eventually it would sometimes sit on your lap, but 9 times out of 10 it would just move a few yards away and meow at you.
There are only three words in the English language that contain the series of letters 'meow'. They are meow, meowing, and antisuburbanhomeownership.
45: "never did warm up" =! "cold, scared cats". My cat, Buddy, is friendly but not a lapcat. He likes being around people. He'll sit down and hang out around us indefinitely. (Sometimes this is probably because his food is kept in the living room, but anyways.) He'll always beg to have his head scratched or for us to pet him. He'll occasionally play with a cat toy or even pen on the floor despite being out of the habit. He purrs a lot. In the winter he'll sleep at the foot of our bed. But, laps specifically? If anyone puts him in a lap, he'll get up the second he's no longer being held down.
We've had him for about seven or so years now and he was a stray about a year old when we adopted him, if that helps you calibrate things.
extremely insistent about being let in and getting attention, but equally standoffish about actually being petted. Eventually it would sometimes sit on your lap, but 9 times out of 10 it would just move a few yards away and meow at you.
These are our current cats! They love meowing at us to pet them. From 6" past armslength away. They want you to want them. (And I do adore them.)
My cat is chonky enough I don't think he'd be comfortable on laps, but he sits on the couch facing away from me and jamming his butt against my thigh. (And at other times, licks my scalp/forehead for however long it remains in his reach.)
A lap cat or bed-cuddler is my favorite, but I think a leaning cat (or even one that stays within arms reach) is still doing their catly duties. I want to pet a kitty for long stretches of time, while I'm reading or bumming around online.
OTOH, my mom's cat licks her deoderant when she's trying to take a nap, if she's wearing a tanktop. That's so wrong I don't even know where to start.
That's so gross. Why would you put deodorant or a tank top on a cat?
Wait, it's not a condiment where you live?
I thought the white, flaky stuff was dried ranch dressing.
The white, flaky stuff is the patriarchy.
Maybe. I stopped caring enough about other people enough that I don't even bother with deodorant unless I'm in need of a shower.
I've put it on maybe twice since covid. It's a public health measure, like adding hydrogen sulfide to natural gas.
The patriarchy hurts men too, but realistically, if I smell funny everybody just assumes I had to run for the bus or something.
I put it on when we got back from the pool a few hours ago.
That's good news if your kitten grows up to be pervert like your mom's did.
I kept thinking about getting a dog now that I'm home all the time, but I decided that I'd rather be able to leave cheese around the house unattended.
My older cats are somewhat stand-offish and only approach people when they want to. I just blamed myself as defective. The newer one is more lovey, but that means he's really Odile's.
Rich people still suck. Who could have guessed?
Our cats were farm kittens before we got them, and they have never become lap cats. They are sociable, somewhat affectionate, and definitely glad to see us when we have been around for a while. But they also spend a good bit of time outside and would not do well if they couldn't.
I'm feeling less pessimistic today. I just want incremental progress, no matter how slow. She'll get there!
54. Our cat has become more insistent about getting cosseted as she gets older. Used to be that the "I WANT" vocalization was only for "the food dish is empty," then expanded to "I WANT" to play, but now she uses it when she WANTS patting, skritches, etc. She has a much different vocalization for "I've caught a mouse!"
Cats are great but have you tried waiting impatiently to see what the New York AG is going to announce today?
If NY dissolves the NRA, can they just set up camp in another state, and leave virtually everything as is? Or is it more disruptive than that?
Probably. There's always South Carolina which is fine with whatever grift Falwell does.
If there's one thing America is good at, it's fraudulent charities. I can hardly go a week without one calling my house.
I thought I'd heard when a charity is dissolved it has to donate its remaining money somewhere? So they might need new seed capital. Not sure that would be hard, but it's something.
If it were to happen. I assume it's a gambit.
I would like any charity devoted to convincing white people they are about to die could fill the same role.
USCCA Disaffiliates from SRA
Hmm, that's interesting, I wonder why this is higher in my results-- must be all the Trump sites you have read :)
I can't join because I'm not working class. I did have a colleague who wants to start a left-wing militia. He lives near Tree of Life.
Elliot Abrams is in charge of Iran policy now, so many we won't live long enough to see if Covid can kill a half million Americans.