Re: Thoughts

1

The French reaction to the submarine thing seems so undignified. Like, OK, the Australians don't think your submarines are good enough, so you're going to have a tantrum and withdraw your ambassadors over it? That can't be good for relationships with other potential customers. If the Australians breached a contract, just take it to the ICJ or some kind of arbitration, like a civilized country. I feel like there must be more going on behind the scenes to have provoked such a reaction.


Posted by: Yeet the Rich | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 7:39 AM
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2

Possibly California changing its laws a couple times in the past few years?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 7:52 AM
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3

The conversation suggestions link is very nice, thanks for posting. Superficial, but reminds me a bit of Deborah Tannen's writing, which I like a lot.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 7:57 AM
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4

If France can come up with a good price, I'd like to buy a nuclear submarine.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 8:04 AM
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5

Oh, 2 is to OP2, not 1. I was trying to figure out why France would not even finish its Brie because we ended single-family zoning.


Posted by: lourdes kayak | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 8:04 AM
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6

OP1.


Posted by: lourdes kayak | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 8:05 AM
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7

Hard conversations are usually pretty easy to avoid because the other party doesn't want to deal with it either.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 8:37 AM
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8

The conversation suggestions link is very nice, thanks for posting

Agreed, and I also liked this recent article -- about building structure for conversations: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/09/delaying-conflict-better-venting-relationships-scheduled-disagreement/620057/


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 9:16 AM
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9

4: The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuclear submarine is a good guy with a nuclear submarine.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 9:59 AM
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10

Right, but I'm hoping they won't sell one to a good guy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 10:06 AM
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11

It would make a good test case for a more expansive reading of the second amendment that SCOTUS probably supports now. Didn't Scalia say there were reasonable limits on things like bazookas? Fortunately that liberal squish has been replaced by a true conservative.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 11:05 AM
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12

The founding fathers clearly meant that I need enough explosives to regulate a militia.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 11:09 AM
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13

8: That is a good article, but I had to skim the second half because I was preoccupied with finding out whether or not the main couple's son died or not.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 11:24 AM
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14

The correct way to have difficult conversations is, of course, to get increasingly grumpy until someone blows up, then sort things out in the lulls between bouts of biting each other's head off.


Posted by: DaveLHI | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:09 PM
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15

Or at least that's my advice to Macron.


Posted by: DaveLHI | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:10 PM
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16

OP2: Overall nice, but this?

Rather than causing shock by blurting out news that is unexpected, begin by giving the background or (often better) by asking the other person to tell "the story so far". For example, you could say: "I want to talk about Mum's health. Tell me how you think she's been recently ... ". That initial recap creates a space where the new, unwelcome information is less unexpected. Now you can add the bad news, beginning with: "I'm sorry to tell you ... "

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. How do you think Mom's health has been? Seems like she's turning a corner! Glad she has such a great team of doctors! How do you think our relationship is going? Fantastic! I am so crazy about you! Wouldn't change a thing!

Well, I'm sorry to tell you . . .


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:21 PM
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17

16: I agree, but I also can't think of an alternative approach that feels better rather than worse.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:28 PM
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18

17: I think just giving the background (as the article does suggest) is better. As you know, Mom's numbers are steady, but they aren't improving. As you may have realized, I've been a little checked out lately. Then, you can pause to make sure the other person seems like they are at least with you on the intro facts and ready for bad news.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:37 PM
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19

"Your mother is now a nuclear submarine."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:37 PM
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20

18: Yeah, that makes sense.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 12:50 PM
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21

19: I though reincarnation didn't really work like that. I'm refraining from a joke about sailors inside my mom, FWIW.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 1:00 PM
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22

Wait being a little checked out is a warning sign? I've been getting less and less interested in a bunch of outcomes for about 10 years now.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 1:06 PM
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23

Wait being a little checked out is a warning sign? I've been getting less and less interested in a bunch of outcomes for about 10 years now.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 1:06 PM
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24

but of course am not having any problem focusing on clicking that button.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 1:07 PM
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25

I agree that 16/18 is an improvement.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-21-21 1:21 PM
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26

16. Reminds me of the "your cat fell off the roof" joke.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 09-22-21 10:47 AM
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27

"As you know, your mom has gotten steadily worse at catching mice."


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-22-21 1:06 PM
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