I don't get it. How do you know if the donkey has conjunctivitis as opposed to allergies or something?

It does seem dreadful, but I wonder how much of that is no tourists under COVID. Maybe if it ever gets fuller they'll do floor shows or something.

I think it's even odds whether someone actually put their heart and soul into it. There seems to be a weird niche pipeline where entrepreneurs throw branding combinations at the wall and on one of them the money machine starts churning.

As a clearer example of this, the horribly conceived, now-dead Garfield-themed pizza takeout shop in Toronto. Video series: one, two, three.

Did they at least sell lasagna?

3: Yes, but it was bad.

Honestly, lasagna isn't my favorite anyway.

How do you feel about Mondays?

They're fine.

I really like a good pasta dish, but lasagna is too mushy and has way too much cheese.

I thought themed restaurants were supposed to suck.

The Willa Cather-themed pizza place in her hometown (Pie Antonia) was really bad.

Certainly it could be no worse than the War and Pizza in Moscow.

I think the monstrous prices -- really monstrous -- for clearly mediocre food are her main target.

The Old Man and the Seafood has a great price on the marlin if you're old enough for the senior discount.

1: Anybody who has ever hung out with donkeys knows how much they love their weed.

The problem is they love your weed as much as they love their weed.

In general, I hate it when someone receives cruel feedback on a project that they poured their heart into and felt vulnerable about

Unless it involves never having seen a violin.

The article is written by one Grace Dent, possibly related to one of Batman's arch-nemeses. Suspicious, no?

Nerd.

16: Oh god, I actually feel horrible about that, and yet still can't not find it funny. It was really mean of me. And yet, if I came upon it today, how could I not share it here?

That was one of the funniest things ever.

Moved to tears, of a kind, by "Pie Antonia." Do they put hamburger on it? Kolachy? Oh my god. DEATH COMES FOR THE BLUE CORN CHIPS.

I assume you made this up but wow.

If you go to school in Nebraska, they make a bigger deal out of Willa Cather than at most high schools in other states. Not that we read a whole book of hers.

My brother reminisced recently how they read the first half of The Jungle, but stopped before they got to the socialism. Like their teacher aimed for the stomach and forgot the heart.

The worst part was when the drunken fop gives him $100 and the flop house owner steals it.

I'm thinking there ought to be a Thurber-themed restaurant here in his hometown. Any suggestions for the menu?

There was a Star Trek restaurant in Vegas that I scoffed at, but I was sad when I heard it closed.

In general, I hate it when someone receives cruel feedback on a project that they poured their heart into and felt vulnerable about.

I thought about Bari Weiss and her university, and Trump and his presidency.

27: If it makes you feel better, I have it on good authority that it wasn't actually closed, it was just beamed into a different galaxy.

18 to 27.

Star Trek is nerdier than Batman which is nerdier than Star Wars.

Is there an explanation for why this place never mentions Batman? That seems like the weirdest part.

Lawyers.

Not in the review, certainly, but my hunch is that it's meant to make visitors feel more like they're in the know, that they get the subtler(?) references without having to be led by the nose.

The references aren't particularly subtle, though. It's got "Gotham" and "Wayne family" everywhere. Just no "Batman." I'm sure it is lawyers in some way but it's still very weird.

The fact that it's got so much unambiguous DC IP all over it makes me doubt that it is the lawyers: I can't imagine that they could do as much as they've done here without a pretty broad license, so it feels like a (highly questionable) creative decision instead, to me.

Yeah, that's the weird part. It would be one thing if they were skating right up to the line of referencing DC's IP without crossing it, but they're clearly using some of it, just not the most obvious.

If its really operated by the Wayne family you can see why they might want to be hush-hush about Batman.

I mean, they couldn't make it *actually* subtle without risking having lots of their guests miss things.

"Subtle" may not be the right word for what I'm talking about anyway -- based on their website it seems like they want the tone to be highbrow and classy, while still calling to mind the comics that the public presumably loves. Maybe they felt like having characters walking around in costume would make it feel like a theme park. Which, on my theory, they did not want to be. This is all rank speculation, of course.

Do they serve peanut butter and watercress sandwiches?

39.2: Subtly paying homage to some of DC universe's most iconic heroes and villains.

https://parkrowlondon.co.uk/monarch-theatre/

They have a dress code. I'm not sure what "smart casual" means. No t-shirts that have swears?

But, as noted above, the prices are fucknuts by any standards I'm aware of. And I pay $2 for a bagel sometimes.

42, 43: It's classy, you see.

Really, the dress code and price point reinforce my theory. Some executive somewhere had the idea to make a theme-park like experience for people who are too grown-up and sophisticated for Disneyland or Universal Studios. "If we take this thing that kids (and many grownups!) love and make it 50% less fun and 25% more expensive, then we can draw in a wealthier adult clientele."

42: Please kindly note we operate a no costume/themed attire policy at Park Row

They have a Batman-themed restaurant and they don't allow their customers to wear costumes?

Furries?

I see that it's part of a theater, so I think the idea is you dine with your kid, get shot, and let your butler deal with the results.

Is there no Batman-themed floor show?

Are there no asylums for the criminally insane?

Batman doesn't complain about prices. Are you a little Gotham diaper baby?

Batman is pissed off about everything. It's Bruce Wayne who doesn't worry about the prices.

The Batman movies have been downhill since they got rid of the nipples.

Hey now.

Batgirl was the only one without nipples.

My only memory of controversial Batman costumes was that you could see Michael Keaton's erection when Michelle Pfeiffer was licking him.

I wonder if that's allowed at the restaurant.

I wonder if that's allowed at the restaurant.

You can probably get licked by anyone willing to lick you. It's London, not York.

There's a lot more sexual activity in York than in London in my experience. Residential weekends for the win!

To be sure. But I'm guessing not in the restaurants.

13: I left hungry, though.