God, it's so gutting to talk with my mom these days. Nothing new, she just is super done living and ready to check out. "Past her expiration date," she says.
Oof. Is there a proximate cause that could be addressed?
She had an intestinal rupture a few months ago and has had some excruciating bouts and major surgery and now a colostomy bag, which may or may not be temporary. So she's had a rough go of it. Nothing that is obviously terminal except that people can go downhill fast when they give up.
She had cancer a decade ago, and she has always been kind of ambivalent about surviving that. I just am not very accepting of it, though. She's 76, so she's not outliving her peers yet or anything. I want her here.
I worry my mom will be like that some day. She's been basically ready to go home to Jesus her whole life, so far not in a way that's too extreme, but it's very easy to see it going there.
Your mom might not be right for an Eddie Money video.
Much sympathy, Heebie. That sounds awful.
a colostomy bag, which may or may not be temporary
I think this is a very tough thing, psychologically, and she's only had it a few months...
Sympathies, heebie. My mom is 70, living on her own, depressed and lonely and at the mercy of a pretty debilitating symptom cluster that might be autoimmune, where "autoimmune" is a proxy for "no one actually has any idea what's going on or how to treat it." She also talks about having outlived the life she wants. It's hard.
I had a grandmother who was quite ready to die by her late sixties (which was soon after I was born). She was legally blind, had very bad arthritis, had no teeth, etc. She lived past 100. So, one never knows. Though she didn't have any plans for the future, she did enjoy quotidian things such as talking books. She wasn't depressed, but she was ready.
When my dad found himself wearing an "adult diaper" at the hospital, he made me swear to fill out the paperwork for a DNR order. Which of course I did, always the obliging and obedient eldest daughter. This stuff is hard.
Dangers of a parochial view: I had no idea that things were this bad in the US. More covid admissions to hospital than at any time since the start of the pandemic? Good grief. And close to a record for ICU patients as well. https://www.bmj.com/content/376/bmj.o76
Yeah, it's really bad over here. Cases may be peaking in the Northeastern states that have borne the brunt of omicron so far, but hospitalizations are definitely not decoupled from case counts nearly as much as in a lot of other countries (presumably because of our lower vaccination rates).
hospitalizations are definitely not decoupled from case counts nearly as much as in a lot of other countries (presumably because of our lower vaccination rates).
Yes, that really jumps out at you. The decoupling between cases and admissions is really dramatic in the UK, and we aren't that much more vaccinated, overall, than the US is. Where the difference exists is in booster doses. 52% of UK are boosted; 22% of the US is.
The rates of hospitalization here are depressed in comparison to caseload, not sure why you'd say they're decoupled in any place - they remain proportional but the proportion has changed. We have hospitalizations above last winter's peak (driven currently by caseload in tbh Northeast as teo says), but the caseload is more like 4-5X last winter's peak. Caseload is running in hard-hit areas at 300/100K.
We just have a terribly high caseload and low boosted population. It's going roughly as expected, which is badly.
Heh.
Here's the NYT graphic (scroll down) comparing cases, hospitalizations, and deaths to last year's peak.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/us/covid-cases.html
Fine, "change in proportional relationship".
ICU numbers have decoupled in the UK though. They have been falling slowly for weeks and are now near a three month low.
Thanks all, for the support. It's not the first time and it won't be the last that I'll unload about this, because it seems to just have this ongoing stasis.
aaaaaaargh. Just rang up my mad fundie aunt to congratulate her on the son's impending second wedding. This is the one who assured me once that people were being raised from the dead at charismatic rallies in Africa all the time but it didn't happen here because we don't have enough faith.
And, of course, it turns out that she's gone full on crazy antivaxxer.
"You're going with the rhetoric. I'm going with the facts. I've put in hundreds of hours of research to get the real story, and not just the narrative the governments want us to put out. I have talked with Dr Malone who invented the MRNA vaccine ... still experimental ... why are they forcing it on us ... control ... planned for 20 years ... when omicron was released in South Africa ... Macron was under the man who runs the WEF ... nurses have seen thousands of people die in care homes after they have been given the vaccine .... it's not a vaccine: it's an injection ..."She is the widow of a rather distinguished doctor. I suppose under the circs he is better off dead.
On the other hand, she is perfectly sane and competent in other areas of her life.
And have some more support, Heebie. I spent years trying to persuade my mother that life was worth going on with, and it's a very uphill struggle.
My pessimism about the world (and the U.S.) is reaching new maxima. Anyone else here with me? It's not great.
Also the depressed elders in this thread are, I think, on the leading edge of what is going to be a massive number of people longing for euthanasia, or worse yet actually doing it, in the next few decades in wealthy countries: it's going to come up a lot more often, and there will hopefully be more efforts to address it on a mass/societal level. I have a strange sense of perversity about life and death, and despite being suicidally depressed off and on for my whole life, I might get excited about life again if it seemed like so many people were suicidal that it had become basic and uncool. I'll let you infer what you will about my current levels of self-hatred from that phrasing.
One reason to go on for a little while: are there arepas that are as good as the best pupusa? My kid and I watched Encanto last night -- I'm so happy that I guessed "Colombia" before references to it appeared, more or less on the basis of flora and fauna -- and I thought about taking her to a Venezuelan place in the Mission after school (for takeout jesus ppl). But then I remembered that I had totally mediocre arepas in the distant past, and so is it worth venturing out of our cave to get a food that dry? Dry and airy? Delicate and discrete? I cannot say.
Kind of. It's sort of less upsetting but more guilt-inducing that I'm not picturing any particular bad things likely to happen to me or my family as a result, but I think things are going to get worse for the people of the US generally, as well as the people the US affects in the rest of the world, for quite a while and I don't see how it ends. I really want to stick my head in the sand and pretend I'm just not the sort of person who's interested in politics: it's not true, but I wish it was.
I've never had an arepas. I hadn't heard of a papusa until a couple of years ago. They're really good.
16: Elderly unboosted are getting hospitalized in New England. Maybe 43% I. Some hospitals are vaccinated. The hospitalizations aren't as intense as the pre-vaccine ones, but they are still happening. Non COVID care is really suffering in MA but our Governor won't reinstate a mask mandate.
Kind of. It's sort of less upsetting but more guilt-inducing that I'm not picturing any particular bad things likely to happen to me or my family as a result, but I think things are going to get worse for the people of the US generally, as well as the people the US affects in the rest of the world, for quite a while and I don't see how it ends. I really want to stick my head in the sand and pretend I'm just not the sort of person who's interested in politics: it's not true, but I wish it was.
Thinking about this I find myself going in circles a bit. (1) There are reasons for optimism. (2) I am not optimistic about American politics, (3) that implies that part of what I am depressed about is the feeling that whatever future is coming I believe it will be distributed in profoundly unjust ways. (4) I'm not sure what the proper frame of comparison should be; it's clearly possible that good and bad things have historically be distributed in profoundly unjust ways. (5) it does, nevertheless, feel like we're squandering a chance at a much better future.
I guess to tie my comments together I'll say: I'm not sure how we encourage people to embrace life as a radical act, in the midst of so very much devaluation of human life across the board in U.S. society (and elsewhere). But I hope there's a way. The right language and concepts must be out there.
That devaluation of life is usually quiet and insidious; this month, though, not so much.
Lots of my son's friends have COVID, again. We had a big outbreak before Christmas, and another one seems to be in progress. One friend, his kid had COVID in November, and he has it again now.
I have an urgent appointment to get checked for basal cell carcinoma. Doctor doesn't know, so he is sending me to get it checked next week. Never rains but it pours, as I also might need a crown on a tooth, and a root canal.
Sorry to hear that and wishing you the best.
ttaM, good luck with it all (and hope nothing gets added to the list).
I'm not worried about the possible BCC, afaik, it's not likely to be anything serious.
y pessimism about the world (and the U.S.) is reaching new maxima. Anyone else here with me? It's not great.
Yep. I'm with you. Every time I think there might be some reason for hope and that I might have any agency in the communal future, it gets immediately stomped.
I watched my mom get BBC cut off her face. Or at least I watched the other side of her face. It didn't seem that bad, but they had to open her cheek three times.
35: Solidarity, as a fellow pale and cancerous type. I just had my fourth basal cell removed a month or two ago -- no problematic health consequences, but I do have scars. Some people just shouldn't go out in the sun.
They had to cut open my mom's face and remove internal tissue.
I took us out to dinner afterward and she insisted on ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. I think she had no idea I wasn't in college anymore. She also ate like half my food because hers wasn't very good.
14: There's a reason the USians here have been so stressed out about hospitals lately! This is already harming people I know.
"Delaware hospitals are in crisis.
ChristianaCare, Bayhealth, TidalHealth Nanticoke and Saint Francis announced in a joint statement on Monday that they all will be implementing Crisis Standards of Care. This means that the hospitals will, among other things, begin to prioritize care among patients and change how resources are distributed.
For ChristianaCare, it is the first time implementing such a drastic change in about 130 years.
For weeks, the hospitals have exceeded maximum capacity as Delaware sees an unprecedented number of hospitalizations during the latest surge in COVID-19 infections.
Under Crisis Standard of Care, the focus shifts to saving the most amount of lives over the needs of individual patients.
"Delawareans who need emergency care might not be able to get it," Gov. John Carney said earlier this week. "That's just a fact. It's time for everyone to pitch in and do what works.""
Yeah. The doctors are warning that ordinary injuries could be fatal because treatment will be impossible and that we should stay off ladders and such.
Welp, we all have covid here. M (P/P/P, booster in October) is pretty sick, and tested positive Wednesday. I (P/P/M, booster in November) am basically fine except for a scratchy throat and tiredness (although, I am tired and/or have a sore throat like 40% of all the days of my life, so are those really even symptoms?). I didn't bother to get tested, and am isolating under the assumption that I have it.
So all of that kind of sucks, BUT who cares because omg, Alex Hawke recanceled Djokovic's visa. What a delightful shitshow. This has been the most amazing development in a grand slam tournament since Djokovic got DQ'ed from the US Open for attempting to murder a lineswoman.
oh no! I hope M recovers quick, and you keep feeling okay.
Get well soon or stay well, as applicable.
Why are things going to get worse for people in the US?
We were not in good shape before Omicron hit and my guess is that some infected people are deliberately spreading it as a way to get the Burger King to go back to regular hours.
The Complete Guide to Cryptocurrency -- at checkout counter next to the cooking magazines at the supermarket.
Seems like the bubble will get bigger before it bursts.
You need to get your shoes shined to find out.
Matt Damon says it's a good investment and if you can't trust Will Hunting who can you trust?
I'm sure someone's made the "how do you like them Dogecoins" joke.
Well, shit, I wasn't expecting to have an immediate sequel to 11, but apparently my mom downed a bottle of Klonopin and a bottle of wine last night, was found this morning by my brother-in-law and rushed to the hospital. It sounds like she's out of immediate physical danger but I have no clue what we do now. It's hard to imagine psychiatric care options that will help. The last time they tried to put her on antidepressants she had to stop because of seizures.
I'm getting everything by relay text, my brother-in-law (a doctor) at the hospital, to my sister at home, on to me. They're currently in a private room in the ER but I don't know where they'll put her overnight; this is in Colorado which currently has the same overflowing-hospital problem as everywhere.
I should go out there but this is a hell of a time to fly as I only just got my name change court order, half of the government has me under a different name from the other half and I don't currently have a photo ID that looks like me.
Oh, geez that all sounds rough. It's probably a completely unreasonable drive, right?
That's a lot to deal with even without the world falling into chaos. My thoughts for you and your family.
oh lourdes i am so sorry - if there's anything i can do let me know. you have my email? if not heebie can hopefully pass it along.
Thanks, guys. Google thinks the drive is 19 hours, which lurid (correctly) says I am not allowed to do, in winter, crossing both the Sierras and the Rockies under emotional distress. I have a DMV appointment on Tuesday, not sure how long they'll take to process the new ID but I have more travel options after that. First step I guess just to talk to my mom on the phone and see where we are.
I did a 17 hour trip to see my mom about a year ago. There were no mountains, but horrible driving conditions and so, so many trucks that were in the ditch. Lurid is right.
I did get to see with my own eyes that windmills work perfectly well at 20 below as long as nobody from Texas regulates them.
Lourdes, so terribly sorry. Parent emergency + pandemic is bad enough without an extra administrative hurdle to your travel.
Sounds like everyone in Colorado is getting to bed somehow or other, my mom somewhere in the hospital, I hope not literally in a hallway. Tomorrow they'll do a psych evaluation and I suppose decide whether to stash her somewhere for a time before sending her home. I haven't talked to her but she was apparently lucid enough to tell my brother-in-law what was going through her mind and it was a moment of extreme impulse.
It's sounding not so much like the sort of emergency where I need to get on a plane immediately, which thank God, because, while I can legally fly with my current ID, I understand I might be in line for assorted TSA hijinks, the humiliating questions, the crotch-grab pat-down, all that good stuff. In a couple of weeks with a new card I hope I might pass more under the radar.
My brother-in-law has been a mensch and a pillar today and I'm glad we have him.
Thanks for being around, imaginary friends.
oh fuck, lourdes, I'm so sorry. That's so stressful.