Yes, if you smile at a woman you'll be arrested and/or shunned.
You have got to be the most paranoid man in the world.
First sentence: probably true; second sentence: one word: Gitmo.
Not all Muslims get dragged to Gitmo for grinning at jailbait, ogged. I hear Prince Bandar's Saturdays aren't complete without a brick of hash and a stoned Olsen twin.
Tonight we bring you Unfogged's production of To Kill a Mockingbird, starring Ogged as Boo Radley.
Maybe I'll try swimming in my flowing robes, and invoke the Saudi exception when they try to remove me forcibly. "Yahudi, do you think this pool heats itself!"
I've got a plan....There's a chance that the girls' mothers attend the same community center, right? So just go join the adult water aerobics and, since we're talking Jews here, and since I'm a racist who believes stereotypes dictate behavior, then I predict that after you get chummy with the mothers, they might hook you up with their daughters. Just remember, they'll understand if you say "shtup."
The answer to this quandry, as to so many others, ogged, is for you to convert to judaism. Plus, your mother may be Jewish already...
Maybe I don't spend enough time at the pool, but how attractive can a woman be in a swimcap, goggles, and unitard bathing suit? I also can't understand how some guys can pick out the hot one from the adrogynous swimmers in the summer Olympics. I have to wait to see the inset pictures where they show details like hair.
how attractive can a woman be in a swimcap, goggles, and unitard bathing suit?
Say what?! Seriously? I find the divers to be the most attractive athletes at the Olympics. Unitard suits can be very attractive. Swimmers are fit and energetic, which is a very attractive combination.
You were doing flip turns in a four-foot-deep pool? Forget about hitting the wall, I'd worry about hitting the floor.
Also, it's "quandary".
Ben,
You'd have to be really really tall to hit your legs on the bottom of a pool doing a flip turn. Growing up, the shallow end was 3.5 ft at the pool I swam at. While not so good for water polo, I can't remember anyone complaining about hitting the bottom on flip turns.
T-dope
Gitmo, good point. Remember Emmet Till. You must stop swimming immediately.
In To Kill a Mockingbird, it wasn't Boo who got in trouble for helping out a girl. It was Tom Robinson.
I believe you (it's been many a long year since I did one), but I'd still worry about it.
Kriston has a point. Usually, what you can tell for sure is that someone has a really nice body. People will occassionally take off their goggles and let you rule out "secretly heinous," but it's true that you can't be really sure that someone looks good until the swim cap and goggles come off. I don't, however, see the unitard problem.
And Ben and Tweed, you're both right. I did worry more about the bottom of the pool, and the very first time I tried one, I mashed my shoulder on the bottom. But, now that I can do them, it's not an issue.
Your hyperconcscious lifestyle makes for good blogging, but isn't it exhausting to live that way?
BTW, are you a practicing muslim? Or more cultural. Not that it will save you from gitmo if you look sideways at my daughter.
Verily, 'tis nothing but suffering. Actually, I'm much better now than I used to be, and yes, being among people is exhausting, but I've always told friends stories like this, so on balance I'm not complaining. I'm enough of an egotistical male to think that most other people are just oblivious and inconsiderate ;)
And I know less about Islam than any of the other major religions. But, like you say, Gitmo doesn't care.
It was Tom Robinson
Dammit. I gotta start googling before I cite a book I haven't read since high school. Right. Ogged would be Tom Robinson. Mystrerious, reclusive Bob is more the Boo Radley type here, I guess. Unf's a laywer, right? Atticus Finch, boyee.
F-Labs, I think that leaves Scout for you to play.
Your complete high-school education, online.
People will occassionally take off their goggles and let you rule out "secretly heinous," but it's true that you can't be really sure that someone looks good until the swim cap and goggles come off. I don't, however, see the unitard problem.
Though I probably overstated my case, because I was thinking about Olympians on television. I can be sitting on the bus and see the back of a girl's head and wager pretty accurately how hot she is. (Everyone does this, right?)
I do it, but an honest assessment would have me say that I'm not accurate at all. Lots of women look pretty good from the back who don't look so great from the front, no?
Remind me again why I even speak to you people.
What's the matter b, you have back/front issues?
You know what, ogged, you should just add a new blogger under some ridiculous pseudonym, and claim it's the new female co-blogger. A non-posting partner would hardly be anything new around here, but if you represent to yourself that you have to retain a female co-blogger (whose sensibilities can be arbitrarily refined), it might have a beneficial effect on the fraternal atmosphere around here.
Except for the rank dishonesty, that's a pretty good idea. We really need a female blogger on this site.
Lots of women look pretty good from the back who don't look so great from the front, no?
I think this is a good example of a more general problem - you can't tell all sorts of important information from the back. I can remember a number of times when I've nudged a friend to point out an attractive woman, only to have her turn around and reveal herself to be too, too young. (I then feel like a dirty old man and resolve never to go anywhere where there might be teenagers). I can imagine that in 15 years time, I'll be faced with the ultimate horror - she turns around and reveals herself to be a friend's daughter. I may have to blind myself if that happens.
But yeah, you've got to see the face before you make (or voice) judgments.
What if she turned around and revealed herself to be a long-haired HIPPY MAN??? That would really be the worst of all possible worlds!
See also this.
That's funny. And I don't know if everyone was around back when we posted this.
You need two women bloggers (not "female" please--what are we, biological specimens? Don't answer that). Otherwise it's just tokenism.
I can't even find one, I'm not shooting for two. And I'm fine with tokenism. And, what's wrong with "female?"
"Female" = "biological specimen."
You can't find one? Yeah, right. Because there are no women bloggers who discuss the things you're interested in. Have you actually even asked anyone, or is this just one of those hollow gestures?
The friends who would be great are either too busy, or professional writers. I've looked at many sites written by women, and haven't found one that would be quite the right fit. And I haven't opened it up for nominations, because then people's feelings get hurt. Belle Waring, were she not already double-committed, would be perfect.
Oh, and I don't think that's the only proper use of "female."
Or there's the possibility that, if you ask someone else to contribute to the blog, the blog might actually have to change a little bit.
It's probably not the only proper use of the word, but people always use "female" when "woman" would do, and it irritates me.
(Oh, and there's that "hurt feelings" thing again....)
I tend to get annoyed by the substantive use of "female", as it really does have a frat-house air when applied to women, but would never have thought it was objectionable adjectivally. "Woman blogger" or "women bloggers" rings wrong as a compound (there's surely a word for this but it's apparently not hendiadys), and "womanly blogger" just doesn't mean the right thing.
I'm just being bitchy because my feelings are hurt that ogged hasn't asked me to the prom.
If you opened it up for nominations, but disallowed self-nominations, and kept the nominee list secret, you could mitigate the possibility of hurt feelings, if you really think that would be an issue.
I thought of that Ben, but then I worried that the people who did the nominating might be hurt that their pick wasn't chosen. Oy. You know, this hurt feelings business is funny. I'm sure my friends will back me on this: In real life, I probably hurt people's feelings as often as anyone I know. I seem to have inherited my mother's casual hypercriticality. (Though I do seem to have a capacity for regret that she doesn't have.) And, what might be stranger, is that I have no problem deliberately hurting people's feelings. I mean, I have no problem telling b that I'd never take such a slutty girl to the prom.
The people who would do the nominating are either people you know personally or people who know how to operate the internet in some capacity. The former group you can console, the latter by definition has thicker skin than that.
Also, keep up the "oy"s and maybe work a "gevalt" in there every now and then; that'll endear you to the community center folks.
Yeah, that's kind of my point: for someone so intelligent, you have these remarkably neanderthal opinions about women sometimes.
Who, me? This wasn't gender specific. I didn't assume that the nominations would come from women.
Dude(tte), you are slutty. You've said it yourself.
And, like I say, the hurt feelings thing isn't gender-specific.
When did this blog's comments become chat sessions?
When this blog's posts became invitations to chat?
I don't get the female/woman thing. I would say the four bloggers here are male bloggers; it sounds wrong (to me) to say they are men bloggers.
In real life, I probably hurt people's feelings as often as anyone I know.
Are you a Sagittarius?
They've been chat sessions as long as I've been around.
What I meant was, it's sexist, begging your pardon my dear, to worry about hurting girls' feelings (as I've pointed out before), and also to have some kind of prejudice against slutty women. I would never deny that I'm slutty, just that that's a bad thing.
Though I do seem to have a capacity for regret that she doesn't have.
If you survive to your mom's age, you'll have to ditch that for sure.
I was going to suggest bitch as your woman, 'til you f***d it up. She'd be great. But if she's not it's pretty safe because you know she's gonna stop blogging when she gets a real job.
Not a Sagittarius.
Once again, it wasn't just women's feelings I was worried about.
I don't know about "slutty." To my mind, it does describe something objectionable, but that thing can't be picked out just by counting sex partners or practices; more about self-control and self-respect, I think. So I'm not sure I actually would call you slutty; not least because I don't in fact know you.
Ah. Well, do you think I have self-control and self-respect? I'm thinking that's a no-brainer.
I don't entirely believe you that it's not primarily women whose feelings you worry about hurting. But I don't know you either, so I'll admit that I could be wrong. (Someone have this notarized.)
Oh, and cw, thank you. Ha. Left-handed compliments are the best kind.
I think I I would be ideal as a new unfogged blogger, in that I hardly ever posted to a fistful of euros last year.