Of course, there are those times you're tired and just can't concentrate, but you don't want her to feel inadequate, and so....
this happened to a friend.
I think a lot of guys believe that the ideal is to just go indefinitely, and that the longer you hold out, the better... I can tell you that this isn't true
No no, this depends on penis size.
Depending on the type & enthusiasm of the activity, and presuming alterations in position, emphasis, et cetera, hours of copulation is perfectly acceptable. But mulptiple climaxes within that duration for both parties is preferable.
indefinitely is not good unless, well, she'll be coming 'round the mountain ...
But some women, ummm, can, well, long time, repeatedly, yes.
File under "posts that will attract a lot of comments".
With hiatuses like these who needs co-bloggers?
giving stopwatches to the sex partners
I can't imagine how, uh, distracting this would be. I'm amazed it really took place. But it's from a dependable news source and it's a little late for April Fool's.
You want a rule of thumb? Assuming you're paying enough attention that you know when and if she's coming (safe assumption for everyone here, right guys?), say, five minutes or so after the last time she came, if she doesn't appear to be progressing toward another climax, is probably a good time to think about bringing matters to a close. If she's not coming at all? After twenty minutes or so, it's probably a good time to finish up and progress to the Scrabble-playing portion of the evening. Perhaps involving a tactful conversation as to whether you should be doing something differently.
After twenty minutes or so
This is just too long. I mean, Jesus. Ten minutes seems really excessive to me. If it ain't happened in ten minutes, it ain't gonna happen.
Or so I have read.
I have to admit I'm pulling numbers out of a hat here -- I'm not generally looking at my watch.
Speaking as someone who can go for as long as the crowd keeps throwing money, I can tell you that this isn't true: polite boys quit.
You know, ogged, trying to pick up women by boasting about your sexual prowess on your blog only works if you aren't anonymous.
There's supposed to be a crowd that throws money?
Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?
And they're not supposed to have stopwatches? Geez, where have I been?
While we're on the subject, is it obligatory for women to say to a semi-regular partner, "You're the best I've ever had?" Because it seems to be. Obligatory, I mean. It's gotten to the point where I can't take that statement seriously anymore.
Part of it is polite hyperbole, and part of it is that anyone's most recent sensory experience is going to be more vivid -- think of how often you've had a good restaurant meal and wanted to say the same thing. Was that foie gras really the best ever? Maybe not, but right after you ate it you probably thought it was.
Suddenly I feel as though this thread has turned into "Sex Advice from a Dull Married Woman". I'll be getting some work done now, instead.
You know that's not the answer I was hoping for.
Well, golly Joe... (bats eyelashes), I mean, you're pretty darn compelling in blog comments -- the mind reels to contemplate how sexy you must be in person.
Is that better?
Come on, ogged. You have total control over the moment of ejaculation? Or do you mean that you know what it takes to get you worked up, and you just don't do it until around that moment?
The real reason ogged is keeping his anonymity is that he's a porn star.
I was wondering that a bit as well -- was the question "what's the ideal timing?" or "I involuntarily take a hell of a long time -- when does that turn into a problem?" That was why my answer above was on the long side -- I was answering the second question, and giving a number for around when I hit the "Get off me now, please," point.
The whole "I can go as long as I want" bit is starting to sound a bit like w-lfs-n's Infinitely Extensible Penis. (Man I wish I could remember how to link). I want empirical evidence; ex-before-last comments here sometimes, doesn't she?
Well, maybe he's like me, in that he doesn't lose his erection after climaxing, so he can just change condoms and keep the party going.
I can see that if it turns out to be the case that I have total control, Tim is going to commit suicide. That "throwing money" bit was supposed to be your clue: I'm like a shook bottle of champagne. No, ok, not quite that either. It really depends a lot; sometimes, of course, I'm almost a Drymala, but plenty of other times I'm "If you keep doing that, there's going to be much more, rather than less, Scrabble in your future...."
And really, does anyone ever get enough Scrabble?
I'll bet w-lfs-n is a fearsome Scrabble player.
Eh. I used to play the scrabble-alike on yahoo games with a particular friend a lot, but I haven't seen her about lately. She won maybe 60-70% of the time? We generally got pretty high scores, though.
Boy, I'd like to clear her rack sometime...
I'm fair, but not really good. (Huge vocabulary, weaker anagramming skills. The vocabulary doesn't help as much as you'd think it might.) But I do love the game.
Me and my gf are pretty evenly matched when it comes to Scrabble. NSM with Trivial Pursuit, which often ends with me sleeping on the couch.
It is fun when both players use all their letters on the first turn, though.
Way out of my league, there. All seven letters is a big event for me.
(A friend of mine who's very well read and good at word games used to play with her boat-mechanic boyfriend (also a smart guy. Went back to finish his undergrad degree in his late thirties, partially as a result of dating her, and went on to get his doctorate in EE), and usually cleaned his clock. One day he finally won a game by using all seven letters on CLITORIS.)
The distribution of letters is different on Yahoo's version (called Literati, I think), so it might be easier to do that kind of thing.
After twenty-five comments or so, it's probably a good time to finish up and progress to the Scrabble-playing portion of the thread....
LB, there's a "little-man-in-a-boat" joke to be made about your story, but I wouldn't stoop so low.
I think it would be awkward and forced at this point, actually; you don't want to rush straight to the CLITORIS joke without a decent setup.
It depends, Ben; you've got to approach it delicately, and it needs to roll right off the tongue.
LB, there's a "little-man-in-a-boat" joke to be made about your story, but I wouldn't stoop so low.
Hey, it's praeteritio!
Not really, as Drymala just mentioned a joke, but didn't make one; praeteriteo works because mentioning foo is precisely what you say you're not going to do, which you can't do without mentioning it.
I'm just being nitpicky because Drymala outclassed me with 38.
Anyone else notice that research funded by Johnson & Johnson was performed at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School? I don't suppose it's necessary to dig into the text of this story to find the cock jokes, but there you have it.
I think it's important to note the time it took for w-lfs-n to come up with that response.
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School
Wouldn't you just give anything if it were Richard?
Seven minutes, perfectly average.
(I do actually have a job, you know.)
But, see, I can fire one off and immediately start reloading.
I can tell you're pretty proud of that, but don't you think all this public own-horn-tooting is unseemly?
Yeah, ac, esp. since both "roger" and "peter" as verbs are funnier than "dick".
I want to praise ogged for the post title, a masterpiece of subtle emphasis.
You say unseemly, I say compensatory.
Was CLITORIS worth all that many points? The only tile worth more than one point is the C... plus the bonus points... meh. Seems a little anti-climatic. Was there a triple word score in there? Anything?
Too much attention paid to one move, and I get bored with the game. Otherwise, I can play Scrabble for hours.
I find that a curious comment to make, as I was referring to your own ego-stroking, but whatevs.
For some folks, CLITORIS is the whole shebang.
I find that a curious comment to make, as I was referring to your own ego-stroking, but whatevs.
I know. I was trying to counteract the stroking with a little self-flagellation.
Take that stroking and self-flagellation to the Mineshaft, Joe. It'll be appreciated there.
If you can toot your own horn, why would you ever leave the house?
I was trying to counteract the stroking with a little self-flagellation.
Don't you worry about chafing?
Don't you worry about chafing?
I was going to try to spout off a comeback to this, but I think I blew it.
To start with, if you have to use a stop watch then perhaps you are being just a wee bit precise on the time factor. Do we really need to know this answer to Omega Olympic Timing standards?
A tip - the question "how was it?" really means "how was I?" Answer appropriately.
And can I see a show of hands of the guys who have "faked it?"
I know, I know, to my younger self that would have been an absurd question but, well, it isn't.
Wow. I leave to go to lunch and this place just devolves into a sewer of cock jokes. I'm really disappointed in you people.
From the link
> Premature ejaculators .... also had higher ratings for ... lack of ejaculation control
science!
girl27--50 point bonus for using all seven tiles.
Everyone else: Priorities, people!
I can't fathom how a guy could go from a blogging hiatus to talking about his incredible endurance and massive loads within the space of a couple days.
While on the break he got to thinking about what's really important.
50 point bonus for using all seven tiles
Sure, sure. But if CLITORIS is the big move of the game, I'd be disappointed. After all, a good BANGING would beat that.
If you know how to play, the Bonus is neither the be all, nor the end all.
I am officially in awe of girl27's championship-league skills.
I can't fathom how a guy could go from a blogging hiatus to talking about his incredible endurance and massive loads within the space of a couple days.
And that, Adam, is why the Weblog can never replace Unfogged.
apostropher,
devolves into a sewer of cock jokes.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
what ogged meant is that he can take it endlessly so long as there's no reacharound. just wanted to clarify that.
and, for those who wonder, i think lucy mangan is another lying, hurtful bitch. I've left her 31 messages today and she hasn't called me back. Like, what's her problem? Even dropping ogged's name failed to cause her to lower the drawbridge.
doesn't she know that he's philosophy-related blogdom royalty? i mean, hello.
When is the "just come already!" moment?
For foreplay? Never.
For the banging away part? If the girl hasn't come in 5 minutes, give up.
- OLS
Five minutes? LB up at #8 says 20 for the first orgasm, five minutes for every orgasm thereafter. I'm so confused.
Yeah I saw that. I don't see how anyone can last 20 minutes of banging away without an orgasm - face it, if he's be in for 20 minutes and you haven't had an orgasm, he's doing something wrong. Or you are.
Or maybe she's referring to the entire act, including kissing, fondling and other foreplay? In which case, I still stand by my previous comment that that can go on forever! ;o)
Of course, if she's having multiple orgasms, then just keep going until she stops... or you run out of puff, whichever comes first! ;o)
- OLS
Well, like I said, the ladies are going to have to sort this out. Maybe when Alameida wakes up she can cast the tie-breaker.
Better. Closer. Warmer.
Is that a Tenacious D shout-out?
I'm no girl but uh, 20 minutes is only long if it's not being done properly...
Ez, I think ac meant 20 minutes till the first orgasm is too long.
But, everyone's different. I've only had a few partners, but orgasmness among them has been radically different.
I've only had a few partners, but orgasmness among them has been radically different.
I've had a bunch and the standard deviation is very large indeed.
I meant for the first one.
I've just talked to bunch of women, over coffee, but my sense is that it's a question of how attracted she is to the specific guy. The same woman who is taking 20 minutes with one person has generally had at least one experience of being with someone who could get her from 0-60 much faster. It's not like women are usually internally consistent here.
I'm sure there are some people who just take a long time to get warmed up, but in general I've asked women that exact question (has there ever been someone you were particularly attracted to/gagging for/who could just touch you and make sparks) and the answer is usually yes.
Mmm, yeah, my initial 20-minute answer was intending to, allowing for a wide range of personal variation, indicate a point at which a woman who hasn't come is pretty much certainly bored and annoyed. That wasn't meant to be "just long enough"; it was meant to be "you can be fairly certain this is too long."
Within that limit, everything is wildly variable, of course.
What ac said sounds about right.
Is that a Tenacious D shout-out?
It is. It was for Labs, who doesn't appreciate the kisses I blow him.
Here's another one, received yesterday from a friend's office (she's a talent agent):
TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY (New York Release)
Feature Film
New Line / Red Hour Films
JB: CAST (JACK BLACK)
KG: CAST (KYLE GASS)
[THE STRANGER] A strange older man, he is a seedy character with a limp, who has a mysterious knowledge of the schematic of the Rock And Roll Museum. Quick to deduce that JB and KG are a pair of thieves, intent on breaking into the Museum and stealing the Pick Of Destiny, he graciously (or so it seems) tells JB everything he knows about the institution's air duct system. But in fact, he's hoping that JB and KG will do his dirty work for him, so that he can steal the Pick afterwards...3 speeches & 16 lines, 3 scenes (54)
[LIL JB] JB (Jack Black) seen as a 10 year old boy, he is a small, portly rocker wannabe with an acoustic guitar and a fiendish grimace. He outrages his father by singing a profane song in a bad English accent at the dinner table, and later, weeping, sings another song to the Dio poster on his wall...2 songs, 1 scene (2) MUST RESEMBLE JACK BLACK
[LIL KG] A young chubby boy, who seems to be an over-groomed only child, he is KG seen as a child. Obviously Mommy's precious little man, Lil KG is taunted by a gang of bullies, who knock off his baseball cap, revealing the same "ring-of-fire" balding pattern KG has as an adult...no lines, 1 scene (25) MUST RESEMBLE KYLE GASS
STORY LINE: This is the story of a friendship that changes the course of rock history forever, of the fateful colliision [sic] of minds between JB and KG that led to the creation of the precedent-shattering band Tenacious D, and of the two heros' [sic] quest to find the fabled Guitar Pick Of Destiny...
Ah yes, The Pick of Destiny. I can hardly wait. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365830/
you know, I've never had an orgasm during sex (the banging kind), but it's still my favorite dish on the menu. I'm pretty young yet, and not that experienced, so it doesn't mean that I never will. but I've *really* enjoyed some sex in my life, so I'm not sure that either of us was doing something wrong. for a long time I didn't know how to have an orgasm during oral sex, and then I learned, and it got a lot less pleasurable, because it just took away the real heights of intensity. luckily, after a period of celibacy, I lost the knack again.
my point is, not all women consider orgasm the end-all of sex, and I definitely wouldn't want to stop the banging part after 5 minutes just because I wasn't coming. 20 mins. might be an upward bound without a break, but I would want to again maybe two minutes later.
Apparently some women simply can't reach orgasm through vaginal sex, without clitoral stimulation as well.
I believe that's actually more common than not (anecdotally, at least). It should be noted that direct clitoral stimulation during sex is both possible and encouraged.
BTW, Katie -- not meaning to be intrusive, and obviously you enjoy what you enjoy and more power to you for it . I just wanted to check that I was understanding you correctly: first you didn't know how to come from receiving oral sex, then you learned how, and the sex wasn't as intense, and then you managed to stop coming and the sex got better again? That is, the orgasms were interfering with the pleasure you were getting from oral sex?
If this is too nosy, forget I asked.
20 mins. might be an upward bound without a break, but I would want to again maybe two minutes later
I'm getting old. I feel like I should be thinking, "All right! I wanna party with that girl"; I'm actually thinking, "I'm tired."
I'll make a guess that the concentration involved in achieving orgasm was a greater negative than the orasm was a positive.
LB, I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't want to talk about it. But yeah, that's it. My patient boyfriend could spend...well, I don't actually know how long since the point is I was enraptured and wasn't watching a clock...but a long time with his hands and his mouth, and it felt great, but I never had an orgasm, just finally, after [the unknown length of time] it would get to be so much sensation I couldn't bear it any more, and I would just ask him to stop, and either just breathe myself down for a spell, or give myself an orgasm (that was super anticlimactic, just a little bit of muscle tension release). When I learned to have orgasms myself, I would have them before I was worked into the states I used to, and I never had the same feeling of being out of control, and the orgasms themself weren't as good as the kind I gave myself. Then I forgot how, during aforementioned period of celibacy. But recently I visited that same boyfriend, and had the old kind of oral sex, no orgasm, and it was great again.
Don't get me wrong, I like orgasms. I just have had a lot of sexual pleasure independent of them and I feel like advice to quit fucking just because there's not going to be one is not necessarily sound. It's the journey, not the destination. But people have different preferences, and like I said, I'm inexperienced.
And yeah, Michael, that was part of it. Having an orgasm meant tensing my muscles and doing a lot of stuff that made me feel I was taking myself out of surrender to my partner.
You might think of yourself as inexperienced, Katie, but it sounds like you've got a good handle on what your body likes.
That said, I'm with SCMT at #90.
I follow you -- that does make perfect sense now. (It does also sound like something that is, in part, an effect of inexperience; anecdotally and from personal experience, similar patterns of response tend to change over time as one grows more accustomed to one's body's responses.) (Good heavens I sound prissy. Not really all that comfortable talking about sex in detail with people I don't know on the internet. Back to politics.) (Actually, back to those goddamned motions.)
I'm more demure than prissy, I believe. You'll notice I'm given to euphemism here.
I didn't meant to suggest it's a race, it's just that I have a general suspicion that a lot of women don't really pursue their true desires and that if they did, this question of how to satisfy a woman would go away.
But it may be, as Katie suggests, that women's sexuality is in fact more diverse and diffuse and I can't generalize in this way.
but a long time with his hands and his mouth, and it felt great, but I never had an orgasm
Isn't that foreplay though? If he's using hands and mouth, then it's not what I include in the "banging away" part. Maybe what we have here is a problem with terminology.
To clarify (and hopefully not gross anyone out too much):-
"banging away" in my terminology is the part where there is penetration and lots of up and down (or in and out if you prefer). In my experience (and from chatting to guys), this is the part where guys tend to start trying to think of other things to prevent themselves coming too early, and my point was that it's normally not necessary.
Foreplay can last for HOURS as far as I'm concerned, but the actual banging away part gets pretty boring pretty quickly if there's no orgasm. Not that I don't enjoy the banging away bit even if there isn't an orgasm, but I just don't want it to last forever.
I still think that guys are better off concentrating on getting the girl "prepped" for the "banging away" part so that both orgasm quickly, rather than trying to concentrate on something else so they don't come. I can always tell. And I generally prefer that the guy is concentrating on ME! ;o)
- OLs
chatting to
Huh, here it's "chatting with."