So he wanted his nail polish to dry, what's wrong with that?
I'm kind of curious as to where you were when you saw this.
Didn't you know? Ogged works in a nursing home.
I wept because I had no shoes, till I saw a man who had damp feet.
old men in locker rooms are magnificent. They weild their bodies as schadenfreude weaponry.
LB, he might have been muttering that under his breath.
In the locker room at my gym, each morning, there is a man who shaves his grundle region at the sink.
That is as creepy and gross an image as I think you've previously managed. Thanks, ogged.
Does no one say "perineum" anymore?
I think grundel because it resembles more a monster from the 5th century, which is, of course, what it looks like as well.
I say perineum as well. But I wish it were pronounced per-i'-ne-um, instead of per-i-ne'-um.
there is a man who shaves his grundle region at the sink
Dinner's on me if you can startle him enough to draw blood.
There was a prof at my college who, wilst in the school gym's very public locker room shower, post-workout would turn the water to cold, bend over, spread his asscheeks, and get the spread area directly into the stream of the shower, then huff in a way that I can only described as shocked delight.
It made it very difficult to take a class with him after you'd witnessed this behavior.
urbandictionary recognizes "grundle", and I suspect that's the relevant authority.
per-i'-ne-um makes it sound a bit too much like a sort of flower, no?
And I prefer 'taint' as a descriptor for the relevant area.
ok, I was about to qualify that 17 was to 15, but, hell, it applies to 16, too.
On the contrary, you have described an enlightened man, Chops.
I will try that soon.
per-i'-ne-um makes it sound a bit too much like a sort of flower, no?
And this is inappropriate?
What I haven't described is how the man balances his heel high up on the sink counter so that he can better bury his head in the perineum and perform his delicate work.
After 16, I'm simply going to have to stop reading this thread.
I've never seen anyone do anything remotely as bad as any of this (well, I haven't seen toe-blow-drying, but that wouldn't bother me) in a women's locker room. Shaving your genitalia? In public? All women do is change, shower, and fix our makeup and hair. Some of the less well kept among us skip the last step.
What I haven't described is...
Weiner!
What I haven't described is how the man balances his heel high up on the sink counter so that he can better bury his head in the perineum and perform his delicate work.
Flexible! Bet the shaving's just a pretext for some other activity down there.
Or is he simply advertising? Text, I think you need to make a pass at him to gauge his reaction.
it is a selfless feat, though not for the benefit of others.
I am afraid that reaction would be positive. He is a large man, and by the looks of him, given to enthusiastic responses.
Bet the shaving's just a pretext for some other activity down there.
Thankfully, this isn't the "let your imagination run wild" thread.
I will try that soon.
Well it certainly had a way of getting the guy as much space as he could possibly want.
Getting the sound right may be difficult but I will work at it. Maybe it will be a natural reaction.
Chopper, your 16 gave me a total laughter buzz. I feel great. (Though not as great as that professor, I'm sure.) "Shocked delight" is very mot-juste!
re 16: Chopper, did I go to that school? I saw this in the locker room a few times.
Wait. So are we conceding the "blow drying your nutz" argument, or can I get a witness that (1) it happens and (2) it's worse than anything related to one's toes? Shave anything you want, but goddammit, man, I have to use that dryer too!
FL: It was Macalester college in St. Paul. You tell me.
If you want to tell me privately, my e-mail address is geof at visi dot com.
I'm class of 95. I will laugh my ass off if we have met.
diddy I think you've confounded several of our sordid tales into one mega-tale. Good for you. I concede.
All women do is change, shower, and fix our makeup and hair. Some of the less well kept among us skip the last step.
Especially if we suspect some guy's been drying his balls with the hairdryer in our locker room...
I would expect more locker room shenanigans from you, DE.
Yeah, DE's a big talker. I was in L.A. and did she email to say, "Hey, Ogged, you poor poor boy, come over for a nooner"?
No, she did not.
I can't even begin to imagine you doing anything other than squeeking in panic if she had done so.
I think you're looking for "hang up with a high-minded demurral about fallen women and the decadence of the West".
How does one hang up on an e-mail?
Ogged: Ha! Did you try to woo me with promises of hot Persian passion? Did you liken my charms to a gazelle, my eyes to a dove's? Did you offer to sing to me in the wilderness? Or even Culver City? No, you did not. A girl needs some expression of mad desire before she sends a booty email. Sheesh!
Text: [Is there a Subtext?] In the locker room of my former [and exceeding trendy] gym, there was nothing truly interesting to do, other than observe how many women had had boob jobs. And occasionally shower next to Princess Stephanie of Monaco.
I will go on record as admitting I've never had sex in a gym, nor have I ever shaved my pink parts in the women's locker room. Or the men's.
But I have had sex on Clare College bridge in Cambridge. Where it's green.
my charms to a gazelle, my eyes to a dove
Is that backwards? Dove's eyes?
More importantly, it's faulty parallelism: "Did you liken my charms to a gazelle, my eyes to a dove's?"
Ye gods, w-lfs-n, go get laid. 'Tain't a gazelle's charms, just the bloody metaphorical gazelle. Implied is 'my eyes to a dove's eyes', rendering the construct parallel.
Ogged: Classical allusion, that dove's eyes thing. Also the gazelle thing. Do no one read anymore??
No wonder there's so much freakin' Western decadence, what with TV and iPods and the internets and no one ever reading a fucking book of poetry.
I could see comparing you to a gazelle, but your charms to a (single) gazelle, and not aspects thereof, threw me.
I've heard the gazelle thing, but not about dove's eyes. Ah well, sounds like really cheesy poetry.
Yeah, that Song of Songs really cheeses it up.
You ain't kidding, brother.
Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast
doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
Consider that Budweiser is more likely to get you laid.
Why are you so filled with hate, w-lfs-n? And I would have thought there would be no wooing or charm involved in a relationship with a DominEditrix. I mean, she shouldn't be asking you to come by for a booty call, she should be telling you to do so, shouldn't she? (I admit my understanding of S&M is effectively nil, though I believe the end of at least one long relationship qualified.)
Why are you so filled with hate, w-lfs-n?
What in the world are you talking about?
"My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me. I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, upon the handles of the bolt."—can you say that's not pretty awesome?
I read "dripped" and I reach for an anti-bacterial, but I don't hold liking it against you.
This from the guy who likes facials.
Hey - some of us had Song of Songs read at our weddings, and were quite quite thankful for it given the other choices recommended by actual religous professional staff people. So lay off the gazelle, ok?
OK, I'm not sure that I can ascribe this to the presentation you make of your online persona, but...when I read, "My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me," the image conjured up was of w-lfs-n opening a covering to the cavity of someone's chest (e.g., Restoration) and pulling out the heart.
Think that says more about you than about me, Tim.
I like the belly/navel bits: "his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires" & "Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies."
Why do you think facials and "drip" belong in the same category? Such a young man, too...
Wait, that kind of facial? I think I'm too delicate to be on this thread...
1. Oh, I agree, w-lfs-n, I agree.
2. This blog and its comment section are such treasures, in no small part because of the misapplication of a fair bit of education and intelligence to silly, low, and base subjects. And I love them all. So it's wierd to realize (or perhaps just believe) that if the post linked in #66 had been my first exposure to Unfogged, I'd probably have fled immediately. So today I learn that ogged is old and I'm a real prude.
I should note, ogged, that I am now hardened, and flooding the zone with such posts will no longer deter me.
Hey, that was a good post, tastefully done, with good comments. I probably couldn't do a post like that now, because everyone would think it was just an invitation to make crude jokes.
Re: 63: Tim: DominEditrices require careful wooing, usually involving correct use of the word "yclept". [Never, by the way, in the form of 'I are a miserable worm, Mistress, unable to parse a sentence'.] We have it on good authority that we are charming [i.e., from someone not trying to get into our knickers]. We do not bark commands, but issue them quietly with a blue pencil. We haven't drawn blood in a fortnight. The practice of Simile & Metaphor is sophisticated...
Re: 61
Were it not all too Demi-and-Ashton, not to mention incestuous, I'd propose to you, young Ben.
We haven't drawn blood in a fortnight.
Nor will till a a fortnight hence.
"Yclept" is a great word, but I have to admit a fondness for "hight".
(As for your proposal—I'm blushing.)
We haven't drawn blood in a fortnight.
That reminds me of a girl I knew in college one of whose many complaints about a guy she was sort of seeing was that he "bruised too easily."
I don't know how to punctuate that sentence.
I dunno, ogged. I've seen my share of porn, but facials, except in jokes, are strangely troubling. It could be that good comments to that post are themselves troubling, in that comparison of those responses to my own reaction demonstrates conclusively that I am a prude.
It took me a long while to sort out that women like sex, too, and that I didn't have to somehow trick them into it; apparently that hard-won knowledge is not quite bone deep.
I really don't think I can discuss facials (read the comments on that post with a frown, perking up more at the fleeting mention of something else on there), but, er, I was sort of asking on my blog the other day whether porn heavily, directly influences the sex you want to have in real life, or is it a separate phenomenon?
I was thinking about linking to that post. It's a complicated question. There are some things I've seen in porn that made me think "that seems interesting," but more often I think "there are some sick people in the world." So I guess it can be suggestive, but I'm not sure how much it determines taste.
Ok, what perked you up?
But actually I dated a British guy last year who had a spanking thing and it didn't work so well. Perhaps it's just in theory. As with many things. Part of why I asked.
Interesting. I have no spanking thing, so it seems pretty artificial to me, and if I'd spanked any of my girlfriends, I would have been killed on the spot. More on point: I don't think any amount of spanking porn would make it interesting for me.
I have the strangest feeling, like I'm watching a train wreck in slow motion.
Are the trains entering a tunnel set in a mossy, dark mountain?
Have you been raiding my porn collection again?
what, is no one going to go for the "i am now hardened" thing?
unfogged is where i come for the cock jokes. you guys disappoint me.
Sil, when SCMT says "I am hardened," that is the cock joke.
I think you're confusing "a cock joke" with "a cock's joke," ogged.
That's the real reason for the pleats, right?
Ugh. I just went back and read through all of these comments. I kinda wish I hadn't.
Yeah, I'm not completely over the "dove's eyes in her hair" thing either.
I reach for an anti-bacterial, but I don't hold liking it against you.
He does, however, like holding it against you.
Me and my big cock.
Your big EMO cock. Did I ever mention that I think you should call it Bright Eye (real name: Conor O'Burst)?
Damn it, Mills. *I* remembered that, but I was hoping no one else would. You haven't commented in ages, and you show up now? (And I ask you again, howcome you're not in Greece already?)
Holy crap, that's his real name!
If you rename your emo cock Conor O'Burst, teenage girls would line up to see it perform.
At which point another name change would behoove you.
Speakin of Mr. whiny-emo-rocker himself, have y'all seen the Leno performance?
Wait, am I supposed to have heard of this guy?
When before did you ask me why I wasn't in Greece already? (Geez, I didn't realize it was so important to you).
The answer: the fiancee is doing an LLM (Masters in Law) and won't be finished till later this week. Then she'll spend the next couple months studying for the NY Bar Exam and take it at the end of July. After that we'll remain here in NYC for at least two more months while she does an internship with the International Center for Transitional Justice. Then we'll decide if we want to stay or head to Greece. Or elsewhere in the EU, maybe Scotland or Italy. There's even a (slight) chance we'll move to Austin for a while.
As for not commenting much, I truly miss having the time (and computer connection) to be able to participate in Unfogged. But I recently started a new job / career, during which I don't sit at a computer (or sit much at all, really) and so I rarely have much time online to even read through all the comments, much less make many of my own. And usually by the time I get to a thread, the party's over.
Wait, am I supposed to have heard of this guy?
Only if you've paid the slightest attention to the music scene in the past few years. I don't fault you if you haven't.
Got it. Well, good luck, wherever you end up. Those all sound like good options.
I asked here.
Do you really work for them? That seems awesome. Don't get sick of yummy stuff!
Ah, now I see. But it demonstrates my point about not being able to keep up.
And yep, I work for them. And mostly it's awesome. It sure doesn't pay anywhere near as well as lawyering, but I'm much happier at the end of the day.
Oh wow, I assumed you were in-house counsel (and I was trying to make sense of the not-sitting). Congratulations on the switch; that's tough, and takes some courage.
It sure doesn't pay anywhere near as well as lawyering, but I'm much happier at the end of the day.
Funny how that works out, isn't it?
I loved law; it was the clients I hated...
It took me a long while to sort out that women like sex, too, and that I didn't have to somehow trick them into it
Tim: It's housework you have to trick us into. Or you have to resort to a professional. We prefer the latter.
I was sort of asking on my blog the other day whether porn heavily, directly influences the sex you want to have in real life, or is it a separate phenomenon?
I'd say the sex I have in real life directly influences the kind of porn I want to read. [I'm not a big fan of films; they usually bore me silly unless they're well-acted and witty - words seldom associated with porn.] By now, I know what turns me on and what doesn't, and my library reflects that.
I suspect that most people have fantasies/turn-ons that are better kept in the realm of unreality. The logistics and gymnastics involved are frequently too convoluted, and the emotions and reactions often too unpredictable. Learning the difference between what is good in one's imagination and what works in one's reality is A Good Thing. [One wonders what Martha's favourite fantasy is...]
Only if you've paid the slightest attention to the music scene in the past few years. I don't fault you if you haven't.
Attention to the whiny, crappy music scene, that is.
It's housework you have to trick us into.
I dunno. I've found that just caring less (a lot less) works pretty well--the housework just seems to happen.
Attention to the whiny, crappy music scene, that is.
I enjoyed the album that first brought him to attention outside of Omaha--even went to see him play a local bar. Then his schtick got really, really, old.
his schtick got really, really, old = teenage girls like him
Re: 109
That's exactly how I felt about art school. Although I gues it was the art students, not the clients....
I loved law; it was the clients I hated...
That could be an interesting thread:
"I loved art school, it was the art students I hated."
"I love reggae, it's the (white) reggae fans I hate."
"I love peace, it's the dirty hippies I hate."
etc. etc. etc.
I love commenting, it's the snark and dick jokes that I hate.
Suppose a comment has some fruit hanging in it somewhere. How low must the fruit hang for it to qualify as a hated dick joke? For example, if an entire thread proceeds without the phallic subtext penetrating the surface intercourse, would you let it slide?