Oh, yeah, what a burden.
Wait about 20 years. Problem solved.
I'm unclear how the problem will become solved. Do blood sugar issues go away magically at 50?
Personally, if I don't feed the beast a substantial quantity every few hours, I get a little crazed. And then I'll cut ya.
I usually eat a lot, rather quickly. This past week, my own ex and I were out eating, and she kept asking me a lot of questions, and at a certain point, she said, "This is a historic moment" -- she had finished eating before me.
I'm likely to only eat half of what I'm served if we go out to eat on our date, so I'll share :)
Chopper,
I meant never being able to eat enough.
In the last 20 years I've gone from being a football-playing high matabolism eating machine to a desk-sitting low metabolism have to watch everything I eat guy.
With people who can't finish their meal, I'm of the same mind as Adam Sandler in Billy Madison -- "You've ordered a meal, you've taken on a responsibility. So you don't pick at it and then leave it sitting on your plate. You get out there, and you finish that fucking meal!"
Yes, I "went there" with the Adam Sandler reference. So worth it.
I'm likely to only eat half of what I'm served if we go out to eat on our date, so I'll share :)
Ah, but in which direction is the sharing occurring? This is a topic in which I'm keenly interested, and consequently have wild and paranoid theories. To wit:
Before realizing that continuing the policy would jeopardize our relationship, my girlfriend would frequently decide she'd like to share an order of somethingorother.
"Oh no," she'd say, "I couldn't possibly eat an entire order of fries. I'm far too delicate and petite. I'll just have a few of yours."
A few of mine would inevitably reach a point where the portion allocated to me fell below how much I wanted and intended to consume. But what could I do? Say "I'm sorry, but I'm a big fat pig and would rather you starve"? Eventually I began ordering double-portions of any food in which I detected even a slight interest from her, and she began to accept that I'm just kind of a jerk and that's okay. But for a while there she was very upset about my desire to bring an end to this sharing policy, even though I was happy to pay for all of the food in question, and accept that some of it might be wasted. Why was she so intent on maintaining the ridiculous sharing system? Two reasons, I think:
a) it helped promote an image of slender femininity.
and
b) it satisfied a primal urge requiring her to test her mate's willingness to provide food
I'm happy to help her indulge whatever irrational eveolutionary drives she'd like. I just don't want it to interfere with my buffalo wing consumption.
Tripp--
Personally, the days of never being able to eat enough left sometime in early college from a "however much you eat, you won't get fat" perspective. I just need to eat regularly to maintain some semblance of normal, rational thought--I develop conspiracy theories about the people I love ("She doesn't love me, or else she'd know I need to eat now."). Fortunately (or not) my wife has the same problem, so we've gotten pretty good about communicating our needs for immediate ingestion of food.
Tom, food tastes better when you've taken it from someone else.
I hear you, Tom. Ex and I used to have this problem with (non-alcoholic) drinks: she drinks a lot, and I a little, so we'd share, which turned out to mean that I would get the melted ice.
Tom,
Besides tasting better off your plate I'm pretty sure it has fewer calories, too.
There is definitely a primal thing about sharing food with your sweety.
I married my meal moocher. Back in the courting days my solution was to eat a sandwich before we went out. Then I wasn't all that hungry, but could consume everything if I needed to.
As I sit, stirring the gruel I'm allowed to eat while I try not to get fat, I eagerly await the next installment: "It's Hard Being So Handsome."
Bastard.
Chopper,
You "I forgot to eat and now I'm cranky" people crack me up.
Personally I have NEVER forgotten to eat.
Sometimes I've forgotten that I have eaten, and then I'll eat again.
I have no appetite anymore. It's 4 and I'm still working on the muffin I bought at 8 this morning. I have half of it left. And I'm supposed to be playing a game after work. Hope I don't collapse.
Tom is so right.
In my observation, women are usually distinctly more "into" Asian family-style restaurants where everyone eats a little bit of a variety of dishes ("How fun!"). In general, men seem to be more territorial about their food.
I am more than willing to help my date finish her meal if need be. I am less enthusiastic about giving her permission to eat off of my plate at her sole discretion.
No, I never forget to eat--sometimes my life dictates that I wait longer between meals than I (and everyone around me) might like. Also, if it creeps up on me, sometimes I develop a fixation about what kind of food I'm going to eat, and I get crazier and crazier as I insist that, no, I can make it until we get to the restaurant half an hour away, get seated, place our orders, and have the food arrive, DAMMIT WHY DO YOU HATE ME.
Nah, being handsome is easy.
Too right.
When I was in Greece there were three guys on the trip and 21 or 22 girls. I usually ate my meal and half of three other persons' meals, if not more, when we ate as a group.
I think the most outrageous episode of eating someone else's food without permission to which I've been a party was having part of someone else's lollipop. It was surprisingly warm.
men seem to be more territorial about their food
You ain't kidding, brother. I hate family-style. God knows what other people are going to order, and I know what I like and I'm there to eat it, not wonder about whether it's coming around again.
It's 4 and I'm still working on the muffin I bought at 8 this morning.
I have known women like this. I don't understand them. How do you not, in fact, collapse?
I typically don't eat off others' plates. If they offer a bite and I'm interested, I'll accept a bite. If they're ordering fries and I want a few (and I mean a few) I'll ask in advance if it is OK and not have more than a few. Fries are really the only thing I'll mooch and even then not many because I know how pissed I get if someone eats mine. If I want a full portion, I'll order them. No problem whatsoever with eating a lot in front of others.
American portion sizes are generally much more than I need to eat. Sometimes I'm hungry enough that I can eat everything I'm served, but most of the time I can't. And if I know I can't, I welcome the others who are eating with me to have some -- often before I've even touched the food myself I will section or cut off a portion for them.
Women who claim they don't eat and then eat everyone else's food are kind of silly, IMHO.
I'm not usually like this. I told you I used to be plow-pulling. I think there's something wrong with me.
having part of someone else's lollipop. It was surprisingly warm.
Now that's sharing ...
Actually, guys, it is a big compliment when the lady asks for the food on your plate when eating together. It has to do with trust and, well what the German language knows as Geborgenheit. I find it is so worthwhile not getting everything on the plate, just for the feeling of being so trusted.
I've noticed that when I eat alone I eat incredibly quickly, but when I eat with others I'm one of the last to finish.
I take this to mean that while I can have food any time, I'm starved for conversation.
Yesterday I had a meal that consisted of nothing but appetizers, shared among many people. I'm still kind of hungry for a mozzarella stick, but I gave mine to the five year old girl sitting across from me. Apparently, this starts young.
I know exactly what Chopper means in terms of the fixation thing -- it's worst for me if I get hungry at work, because I get into my mind that if I don't get to eat this particular thing, I will never be happy again. Usually it's a burrito, but there are only twenty Mexican restaurants within a block of my house, so I rarely get to have one.
Mmm, I'm just chewing the last of my burrito. Yummy.
I think there's something wrong with me.
Well then, get to a doctor, ac. We totally hate it when commenters die.
What I find unnerving is the rate of decline from bluff, good humoured, team player to dangerous sociopath. With me the transition phase lasts about five minutes. Can blood sugar drop so fast?
Good question, Austro. Too much of the time, my clue that I'm hungry is a thought like "If that motherfucker coughs one more time, I'm going to break his neck," or, "Come on, you little shit, come get your ball in the middle of the street." It sounds bad, but it just means: dinner time!
Yep. Its when I start destroying the careers of innocent juniors in public for cruel pleasure, that a little voice chimes and says "have a sandwich!" - apologies invariably have to follow.
Lesson?
I ALWAYS eat something around 11am, it helps prevent staff turnover.
I bet the applicants to that job are having second thoughts now.
Are you a font of identifying information, SB?
No. Why do you ask?
Too late, they' re company property now.
BTW you're fired, you didn't turn up this morning.
Thanks, SB, that's all I needed to know.
I was waiting for details on the relocation package.
You were waiting? oh man you've gotta be more proactive than that in this corporate jungle. Sheesh the youth of today! In my time.....
eb: what could it possible stand for? Tiriakin?
The proactive thing is great, because then you don't get the job because you were too annoyingly insistent. Everyone hates a "go-getter."
Especially in this city. To be successful in this town, you have to make an art form out of not trying to get things done. But God help you if they don't actually get done.
I have a theory that between 8am and 5pm the career guys hang cool and then between, say 7pm and 2am, actually do the work.
I'm practicing that at home as we speak.
eb,
when I eat with others I'm one of the last to finish.
I think that means you are doing most of the talking.
I could really go for some pizza right now.
Pizza...
Pizza...
Or attentive listening, n'est-ce pas?
mmm, pizza.
Wood-fired, with buffalo mozzarella, san marzano tomatoes, prosciutto, and arugala...
SB, depends on the decibel level of your chewing, i guess.
Chopper... I' m hungry would you please put a sock in it...
The gamy flavor and chewy texture of still-damp sweatsocks makes them an admirable pizza topping for vegetarians who still want a touch of the meaty on their pies.
I omitted to mention that the bitter sharpness of arugula is an extremely pleasing counterpoint to sweaty socks.
Do you want to elucidate what you mean by "admirable" there, Ben?
Austro, I suspected you might have that reaction.
Rosemary foccacia rubbed with olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt, accompanied by chevre and cracked-black-pepper spread.
I meant simply that the socks provide are texturally and in matters flavorful reminiscent of meat-based toppings (sausage, for example), while having an animal-free origin.
It's both 45 and 47. I do talk a lot, if given the chance, but I also listen as best I can. The problem really is the unfamiliarity of eating with others; in the emptiness of my days I've fallen out of the habit of doing so many things at once.
And, therefore, fulfill their role admirably. Rather obvious what I meant, I thought.
I omitted to mention
Of course you did.
Fresh figs, stuffed with feta and wrapped in pancetta, skewered and grilled over a wood fire.
You know what I hate? When people eat with their mouth open! And smack! It's the most disgusting thing ever. EVER!!!
I shall now go and boil my socks for soup.
Grilled asparagus, wrapped in paper-thin speck and drizzled with a cream and mahon sauce.
Unagi, yellowtail, and pickled mackerel ngiri.
Ogged, can we have some calls to order here please, this is victimisation of a hungry man.
Braised Chopper shanks with plum sauce and candied acorn squash! Chopper niçoise with toasted almond cous cous! Chopper chopper chopper eat chopper chopper!
Dry-aged, grass fed ribeye, charred to a crust on the outside and bloody in the center with a pat of herb butter melting on top, served with fried onions and wild mushrooms.
Yeah, I'll stop now, because I'm starting to do it to myself.
Don't you kids have something in the constitution about cruel and unusual punishments? Chopper I m gonna sue your ass
I omitted to mention that the bitter sharpness of arugula is an extremely pleasing counterpoint to sweaty socks.
I am a big fan of the bitter sharpness of arugula (although I wouldn't know how it stands up to socks).
This reminds me of a question, though. Does anyone have any idea why in Italy arugula -- the Italian word for which is rucola -- is invariably translated in Italian-to-English menus as "rocket garden"?
I have seen this many, many times, and have no idea what it could possibly mean. From the Italian I know, this isn't a compound word situation.
I've seen it as just "rocket", no "garden".
Dame's rocket, sea rocket – what, no hind rocket?
Thin strips of sweaty sock could play the role of pasta quite well.
Oh, Austro. Pan-fried chops of spring lamb, rare, served with a rosemary, sour cherry, and butter port wine reduction, sides of fingerling potatoes and haricots vert.
Don't you think the rosemary flavor would be too strong, or at least, jarring, with those ingredients?
I think your next dish should incorporate fennel mashed potatoes.
Actually I have occasionally made a roast pork loin with celery that would go very well with fennel mashed potatoes. Celery is an underutilized ingredient that really changes when you cook it.
You could substitute lemon zest and lavender for the rosemary, I suppose.
hah, I'm immune to your taunts now. Just running up an ommlette with button mushrooms sweated lightly with garlic and a little pepper, some steinpilz mushrooms and a little bit of tirolean cured bacon cut into cubes and browned for flavour, in which i shall then sweat the onion and add to the ommlette mixture, which i shall lengthen with some sour cream I fear. See you in ten.
lamb and rosemary, reminds me of the mint sauce, which is the real reason i fled England.
Ben, re celery: you're so right. Carrots, too.
Fennel mashed potatoes? I'd try it. The mash I'm in love with at the moment is white cabbage, chopped, simmered in milk and butter and soft and added to mashed russets. Yum.
Ben, you did read above what happens to my social skills when I get hungry? yes?
haricots vert
Je think you oublied an "s".
I did read it, Austro, but it didn't mention your spelling.
Austro--that sounds good. No cheese? Perhaps emmentaler?
Je think you oublied an "s".
Really> All my French is from menus, but I thought haricot was the singular for bean, and vert meant green. I don't go around calling the American analogue "greens beans," but I'm willing to learn.
Cheese, soured cream and three eggs? Sounds good but id like to make it to 45.
Ben my spelling and punctuation is, as you well know, tentative at the best of times. With the shaking hungers and hallucinations of roast beef, I just dont give a fuck, got it?
*smiles sweetly, exits left*
Like I said, I'm now doing this to myself as well, this one actually has my stomach cramping:
Duck confit, warm, with cracked black pepper and a dab of currant jelly, on buttered toast points.
Ooh, ooh, or:
Pate de foie gras, piped onto brioche toasts, drizzled with fig molasses.
Chopper, the adjective must agree with the noun! Haricots verts.
I regularly went 'til 6pm without eating at least once or twice a week until I quit smoking cigarettes. Now it only happens about once a month.
When people eat with their mouth open!
I'm so with you. I've had two first dates that were last dates because of that.
Drinking, mostly. Today was the first one back at work...
Aaah! The comment spam suggests that I gamble on horse-racing. My fragile little mind!
This comment probably won't make much sense after the spam is deleted.
Let's make 100 dessert, shall we?
Freeform pear tart with apricot glaze, served warm with a scoop of cinammon ice cream and cognac whipped cream.
That would be a lot better than the Ben & Jerry's I'm about to have.
This thread is a cesspool of gourmography. I'm simply aghast that someone would blitz the comments with their mattress-stash of Food & Wine centerfolds in such an utterly comestible fashion. Our formerly innocent children, dear Chopper, will be straining tonight to hear the sound of one lip smacking, thanks to you. I hope you're satisfied.
Chopper, the omlette (spelling courtesy of B-Wo) was fantastic. Even if it was midnight and seriously unhealthy.
Yeah, I went a little nuts yesterday. Sorry to abuse you all with my powers.
If it's any comfort, I had a splitting headache by the time I got home last night, and almost got into a fight with my wife. Amazingly, everything was better as soon as dinner (avocado and tequila-lime chicken fajitas) was served.
Austro--I'm not shocked. It sounded fantastic. As far as healthiness, just don't eat one like it every night and you'll be fine.
So its now 5pm here, and this whole thing is going start again...
It occurs to me, Chopper, that given that the words are so evocative (and they are), then if there were a way to Blog olfactively you could start small wars.
Hope your day is good.
I am become Shiva, Destroyer of Blood Sugar Levels!
And, Austro, I promise not to start again. Unless provoked.
Small wars, Austro, or smell wars? Hmmm.
you could start small wars
Or start a cult. "Of course you want to keep hauling granite slabs to my temple site. Just let me tell you what sumptuous rewards await you…"
I wonder what the nuclear option is in a win-strategy for an olfactory Krieg?
If we put "Fish and Chips" into the field as PBI - what wins?
Ahh .. America wakes again... you know it gets lonely here all on one's Tod. I even had to do some work today just to keep my self amused.
SB, that sounds like the kind of Cult with a very short life expectancy for the head-person.
Eventually the Choppismatic Leader would have to deliver the goods – but only a taste, oh yes, only a taste. Hail Choppismatic Leader!
Aside from the wood-fired pizza/focaccia (I don't have a wood-fired oven), and the foie gras, I'd be able to make any of the dishes I described. This is a good portion of the reason my wife started dating me. (The fact that I'm a sex god also helped.)
So you have one acolyte already, two including SB.
Maybe you too can phone an actress and get a date... see next post.