Is this your way of being sensitive, Ogged?
I actually wonder if this is some kind of ploy of Matt's, to get people who already like him to like him more, and become protective of him.
And a tip: he should not glop regular sunscreen on his face. He should get a nice non-greasy moisturizer with SPF protection, meant to be worn on the face.
There was a time when I dismissed lotions prescribed for specific body parts as extravagant. But wouldn't you know, I was on my way to yonder Damascus when – squirto squitare squirtatus! – God himself moistened my face with some truly divine product, and my world was changed. Listen to ac, brethren and sistren.
Make that "God Godself". (God takes the Weiner reflexive.)
What, "squirtavi" isn't good enough for you?
Ben, I know as much Latin as my dog, and I don't have a dog.
If certain well-known bloggers go around bragging about their 6', 150 lbs frame, it is all too foreseeable that readers will come to believe that such an unrealistic build is the ideal blogger body. Over time, the ideal will become the standard, and deviations from it will be punished. Just as all cases of bulimia everywhere are chargeable to Calista Flockhart, so the comments on MY's post are ultimately the responsibility of the size 2 blogging community.
(You had to see this one comming, right, ogged?)
You had to see this one comming, right, ogged?
Actually, no. I keep forgetting that you're more obsessed with my weight than I am. Wanna know a secret? I weighed myself a couple of days ago (do it every few months) and I weigh 158 lbs.
That said, it's true that I do my best blogging at 150.
If you're not part of the solution, ogged, you're part of the problem. Eat more, swim less.
At 145, I will be the greatest blogger the world has ever seen. And mommy will love me.
Ben, I know as much Latin as my dog, and I don't have a dog.
Segmentation fault
If you get to 145 lbs and stay straight, she'll be about the only one who will.
I'm kidding. My mom says exactly what you say, "Eat more, swim less." If I don't get sick or injured, I'm pretty sure I'll be in the 160s by summer's end. Will that make you happy, Tim-bot?
You can avoid those in the future by taking advantage of the short-circuiting nature of "and". What you should have said is, "Ben, I don't have a dog and I know about as much Latin as my dog.".
I dunno, I started dating the 6'2" Mr. Breath when he was running about 135, 140. (I've fed him up to 160 or so by now.) To quote someone else's grandmother, there's a lid for every pot.
6'2" 135?? Tell me he was a serious runner. (Also, if Mr. Breath ever displeases you, LB, you know where to find me.)
How wrong is it that ogged is LB's type? There is no justice in this world.
There is for Mr. Breath, apparently.
Just has bones like a bird. Actually, at the time, he was lifting weights a fair amount, rather than running.
(Also, if Mr. Breath every displeases you, LB, you know where to find me.)
To be pedantically literal, I don't actually. Fortunately, the occasion is not likely to come up.
I think you just got zinged, ogged.
Ahem. Left 19 before LB ripped out my heart.
I don't actually
Well, you can find me here, for example.
he was lifting weights a fair amount
Ok, that's weird.
Hey, my options were zing or flirt, and I get all weird about flirting with strange men online. (And much as I love this place, all of you are distinctly strange.)
Girls have cooties.
Curses -- my secret shame has been discovered!
It wasn't much of a secret, LB—it was all over the playground by recess.
I was hoping the cootie shots had worked.
Segmentation fault
Ben, this blog has enough problems staying worksafe, and now you're insisting it be typesafe, too? I invite you to lend a hand and statically check your own dangling pointer.
It wasn't a matter of type safety, but of the dereferencing of a null pointer. A null pointer to your dog is still a pointer to your dog.
_|_
I'm going to pretend you didn't just school me. Nobody saw that, right?
Now if ogged swelled up past fat to superlative corpulence, he might then (by a suitable stimulus – lightning, magic, sneezing fit, &c.) explode into several smaller constituent oggeds, each with unstoppable blogging power.
Now, I was under the impression that we all knew that Standpipe's construction in 5 was intentionally humorous, and that B-dub was merely making another joke in 10. Now, it sounds like y'all are ready to concede that Standpipe made a mistake in 5, and that B-dub has righteously corrected him. I pray to god that that's just another joke, because it you're serious, you're all fucking banned.
he might then (by a suitable stimulus – lightning, magic, sneezing fit, &c.) explode into several smaller constituent oggeds,
Wafer thin mint?
And much as I love this place, all of you are distinctly strange
I think we can safely assume that it is not we who are perverse, but LB. The only credible explanation of a 6'2", 135 lbs. Mr. Breath is that, in a sort of hybrid Ms. Havesham/Norman Bates fashion, LB has dressed up a department store manikin and started referring to it as her husband.
The mistake was in 28—SB continued the joke with a reference to type safety, but type safety wasn't the (joke) issue.
eplode into several smaller constituent oggeds, each with unstoppable blogging power
But what would happen if those contituent parts got involved in a blog war? Would the lightest ogged' win?
Now, Tim, my infant tongue may not be able to make anything longer or more explicit of either my Christian or family name than "Pip", but even I know it's "Havisham".
Don't feel bad ogged et al., I doubt anyone could compete with Mr. Breath in real life, much less on the Internet. I have spent several years now hearing about him, and he is not human. He runs his own high-tech-related business, takes care of their kids and the house and still has time to make her coffee when she gets up in the morning (and sometimes, even packs her lunch too!). The guy is definitely making the rest of us look bad.
contituent
ObTitties: Titties!
All else being equal, the lightest ogged would win and the cycle would begin anew. Oggma, Oggnu, Oggva: creator, preserver, destroyer.
Re 40: Admittedly, I do have it pretty good.
Re 39: SB, what would be needed to make w-lfs-n explode?
I'm sorry that I got fat. I will slim down.
I'm not SB, but i think theyres lots of thing's that might make w-lfs-ns head explode.
SCMTim, I thought you'd want to avoid a proliferation of mini-w-lfs-ns.
Re 46: As soon as he comments again, I'll be able to confirm that my fondest wishes aren't getting the job done.
Re 47: Good point. Although, if there were enough mini-w-lfs-ns, we could distribute one to each, and no one would ever need worry about grammar again.
You'd think so, wouldn't you, Tim?
It'd be great -- some w-lfs-ns could generate solecisms, others could correct them, there'd be no need for the fun to ever stop!
Hot w-lfs-n on w-lfs-n action!
Syntaxxx Nannies IV: Unholy Conjugation
Shouldn't that be 'Sin-Taxxx Nannies'?
I think SB's version is better. Show some restraint in your titling; the gonzo stuff's on screen.
Only if the gummint gets a cut.
Make that "Dangeous Conjugations". Then we could complain that the original "Conjugaisons Dangereuses" was better.
Off topic: I cannot understand how anyone functions on the Web without the FF browser and the Dict. extension. I mention it only because I've had to use it a few times today whilst reading Unfogged. (No, I will not admit which words I had to look up.)
Listen to ac, brethren and sistren.
Yes, if I did start a religion, it would involve sacred skincare rituals.
And how is one admitted to the Church of the Supple Dermis?
My first church, clearly, would double as a salon.
Cue chopper: She puts the lotion in the basket.
You must kill the priest at Nemi with an aloe spear.
It rubs the lotion on its skin, It does this when it's told
It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose
And when it's done there's one more thing, a simple little task, it's
Put the fucking lotion in the basket.
There are a lot of crazy people in the world, and they're all sitting at their computers.
Let's hope Nemi has a priest glut, or that ac has very modest ambitions for the size of her following.
And somebody's already written the verse:
Sacrifice
Your hands are assegais,
your tongue an aloe spear.
Spined, thick with vicious juice.
I must remember this.
Or it could be like that Mithraic, I think, ritual, in which a bull would be sacrificed about a sluiced floor under which the initiate would stand so that the blood would fall on him, except with aloe. Tauroctony?
I was thinking a commandment to drink lots of water, with the goal of producing nearly clear pee. But, er, sluiced floors of aloe, sure.
I like a religion that can tolerate multiple viewpoints.
You know, I could get into this more if your religion didn't already exist.
nearly clear pee is something we all should shoot for.
Perhaps, as a test, there should be a large pewter basin into which each congregant must empty his or her holy water before engaging in the communion activities.
the fat of newborn babies is also good for the complexion.
The Making of the Waters will be held at 7 PM Saturday at Rosy Complexion church. Bingo to follow.
I'm going ot hell for the last two posts. Hope somebody laughed.
Repent, text, or it's an afterlife of chapped skin for you.
that's the result of my other, private, sinning.
Goodness, already I've succumbed to dogma-craft. Repressive orthodoxy, here I come!
Hey, if I have a religion, I get to ban people.
I can see the Great Schism coming already.
Priestess, I hear some of our number have secretly renounced exfoliation.
Hey, another church with respect to which I can be a heathen.
LB, maybe you can be a "cultural" Dermalist. You know, unobservant but still part of the gang.
Would that involve occasionally buying skin-care products and then forgetting to use them? Because I have that down.
AC, is your first name public knowledge? Because there's a fairly lousy pun I was about to post in this context, but it does depend on your name. (If the name's off limits, the joke wasn't much anyway.)
I just found myself thinking that, if I were to be dragged off to a trial as a heretic who failed to observe proper rituals for care of the complexion, I could truly say that no one expects the Anne-ish Skinquisition.
Decloaking is wrong. It only works for w-lfs-n because it's impossible to believe that the name doesn't represent a consortium of text book interests.
I'd say that was worth it. Excellent, excellent.
Adam Kotsko and Matt Weiner might want to have a few words with you, Timmy.
I was actually hoping for my usual banning, but I suppose praise will do instead.
Eh? "Adam Kotsko" is the name of a walk-on body thetan in Dianetics.
People are hoping for bannings now? Yeesh.
LB, I know I haven't been banned as often as you have, but I'm pretty sure praise from me counts as banning once removed.
Well, getting banned had kind of gotten to be a habit.
Dreadfully sorry LB. The people responsible for bannings, have been banned.
I may know less Latin than a head-squid, but I am proud of this. I think it would make a fine motto, if we did mottoes around here.
Eiciendi te salutamus!
I think you want either "eiecti te salutamus" (we the banned salute you) or "eiecturi te salutamus" (we who are about to be banned salute you). "Eicendi" could be a gerund, but those don't come in the nominative—it would have to be genitive singular. "We salute the you of banning"—doesn't work.
'Course it's been years and years since I studied latin.
Thanks, Ben. "Eiecturi te salutamus" is what I was after. Let me tell you, with nothing to go on but a few random web pages and the ability to pattern-match, getting the wrong answer was rewarding enough.
I believe that's "correcturi", and salutamus right back at you.
'Saluto' isn't it? Unless your Standpipaciousness is plural in number.
(I'm on very thin ice here -- while I've spent a fair number of years in Latin classes, it mostly didn't stick. Odds are, if I try and correct someone else's Latin, I'll be embarassingly wrong.)
Waitaminute, "eiecturi" and "correcturi" are (like "morituri", I guess) future active participles. I was thrown because morior is deponent. This seems to say that SB was right all along.
My head is hung in shame.
I mean, what a pleasant surprise. I guess this makes up for the null pointer thing that didn't happen.
107 - I'm sure it's just "I", but wouldn't an "erecturion" be more of an active dangling body part. ?
Sometimes I wonder why I don't get larger comment threads. Then I realize that, in fact, this thread is 110 comments by like eight people. Wow guys, wow.
Incidentally, Matt's readers were weirdly cruel, and unjustifiably so. I had lunch with him two weeks ago and the new look is actually quite flattering. Something I'm only allowed to say because I have girlfriend.
my erecturion certainly does not dangle, madame.
was that your first cock joke?
Oh go on, admit your man crush, Ezra. You're in a safe place. It will just stay among the eight of us.
112 It doesn't dangle? Does it stand in full salute? Or droop like a little participle at half mast?
Rather, text's erecturion is so called because it is one of a hundred battle-hardened warriors sworn to Caesar.
Why is there so much fucking Latin on my blog? I'm particularly perplexed because it's clear that y'all don't even know Latin.
Φινε, ου αβουτ γρεεκ ινστεαδ?
You forgot the rough breathing over the "ou," though.
I couldn't find the rough breathing mark. The best I could manage was a grave accent, which wouldn't have cut it, either.
Actually, what I'm aiming for is more inclusiveness.
You mean, quit the faux-Latin showboating because it will turn people off, unlike the juvenile humor?
"Just has bones like a bird. Actually, at the time, he was lifting weights a fair amount, rather than running."
Two different somewhat disturbing mental images conjured, beyond the one perhaps initially intended.
I do hope that, for the sake of the bird-like bones, they were very light weights.
"Actually, what I'm aiming for is more inclusiveness."
Exclusivist people are banned!
I don't not know Latin.
I could translate this, say; the second half and some of the first without even using a dictionary.
Well sure, it's just the lyrics to the Mister Rogers theme song.
Ich glaube, es gibt mehre Leute hier die auf Latein als auf Deutsch sprechen können, Μαλακα.
</prays Austro doesn't wander by>
You know, it goes like, dum dum dum, "et in terra pax hominibus".
Θελω να παω στην Αεγινα. Think about it.
124 to 122
though we have moved on to speaking gibberish.
Is trúag aní narta de nar n-daltanaib Ogged.
Ben, you want to swim in the Aegean? You want to do something, all right.
Mine is: It is sad what befalls us, the fosterlings of Ogged.
I'm sore wounded, red with blood, but baby you can drive my car.
My, the amount of big cock talk that a 'little' fun cock talk will arouse.
SB, it says I want to go to Aegina. Or it would if I could have figured out how to get the accents.
My, the amount of big cock talk that a 'little' fun cock talk will arouse.
A`ohe hana nui ka alu`ia.
Literally translated, mine was 'Chicken, owl, coconut, coconut husk," but in Samoan it means something more like "What goes around comes around." What's the Hawaiian, SB?
138 - And, baby, I love you. It is after 9 pm somewhere so ogged is allowed a happy hour.
138 is a translation of the line that follows what ac quoted, if you can believe it.
From here (pdf).
Aside from the Beatles bit, that is.
It's "no task is too big when done together".
I cheated, though. I don't know Hawaiian.
I don't really speak Samoan any more, either. Proverbs stick in my head, but I certainly couldn't follow a conversation.
"Woe, what us befel therefrom,
Us, dear Scathach's fosterlings,
Me sore wounded, red with blood,
Thee no more to drive thy car!"
Check it out, Cuchulain is in this thing. He must have got free of Flann O'Brien somehow.
Ben, if I eat your brain, will I gain your command of erudite trivia?
...arrecaim comrad chind-cherchailli eturru.
...such was the pillow talk between them.
chind-cherchailli eturru.
So that's what those guys in Mary Poppins are singing. Strange survivals of folk knowledge crop up in unexpected places!
Have you read the bits about what Cuchullain wears into battle? The most impressive feat in the poem is sucessfully standing up under all that leather.
Well, isn't the backside to him sufficient for fifty fifties of people to play handball against, or something? Most of what I know about Cuchulain comes from At Swim-Two-Birds. (The rest comes from The White Goddess, which isn't the most reliable source.)
The most impressive feat in the poem is sucessfully standing up under all that leather.
At The Mineshaft.
w-lfs-n, I think that's Finn MacCool whose backside is that big. (Google google....) Yes, but this leaves it open that Finn MacCool and Cuchulainn are one and the same; I had remembered the poem MacCool recites as "Cuchulainn Astray," but it's actualy "Sweeney Astray."
My favorite part of the book is when Jem Casey interrupts Finn to recite his own poetry, and in among the rest of the dialogue is Finn explaining what would be done in the old days to anyone who interrupted him.
This makes it seem as though Finn and Cuchulainn are definitely distinct. Everything I know about Cuchulainn comes from Yeats, myself.
(And when you link to a 400-page non-searchable pdf, do ya think you could include a page number?)
They are definitely distinct. That is, I haven't got a cite offhand, but the stories about them don't have any significant area of overlap as far as I'm aware, and their life histories are incompatible.
Should I read At Swim Two Birds? I've seen it recommended elsewhere, but never got around to it.
I was unable to get very far into At Swim-Two Birds the first time I read it. The next time I read it pretty much straight through.
The trick is: You know how Moby-Dick is full of bullshitty little bits that your high-school edition cut out, and how those were the best part? @Sw2B is entirely bullshitty little bits. Read it in that frame of mind and you will enjoy.
But you might want to start with The Third Policeman first, which has a plot and is a little easier to read but equally delightful. This excerpt may give you a flavor of the non-plot parts. You should probably be thankful that I am not in a position to call you up and read you the entire part about "I still think there is an electric lift," 'cause I probably would.
I actually enjoyed the whaling bits of Moby Dick (the chapter categorizing whales using printers' terminology? Excellent.) so I am on Amazon and ordering as we speak.
I'm also trying to read Heidegger. After the first chapter, the main effect is that 'being' has ceased to be a word and has become a sound effect, like 'boing', but higher pitched.
'being' has ceased to be a word and has become a sound effect, like 'boing', but higher pitched
Excellent. You're getting it.
I had At Swim-Two Birds assigned by a TA freshman year, for which I am quite thankful. I have not yet read any other O'Brien, but what I have read is excellent.
And when you link to a 400-page non-searchable pdf
I could search it in xpdf, which ignores directives to make it nonsearchable.
Is The Third Policeman the one with the bicycles? If so, it's great. I would recommend against starting with The Poor Mouth.
The Third Policeman is indeed the one with the bicycles. I think those are the only two I've read. The Dalkey Archive, an extremually cool press, is named after one of his books, but I've heard that isn't as good.
("He" is Flann O'Brien--it may have become unclear somehow.)
I almost applied to work at the Dalkey Archive. I think I met one of the editors there, or my mom talked about me to one of them, and then I when I met (either again or for the first time) that person—name of Chad, IIRC—at BEA a few years ago he was all, "I remember you, blah blah blah".
I can eat glass. It doesn't hurt me.
Hey, wtf? By all accounts Mitch's comment ought to come BEFORE those it actually succeeds!
I don't get it. AM-PM, what's the probelm?
Ben, do you want to ban him, or should I?