Dude -- how come they got so much better a write-up than we did?
Total NY favoritism.
He also had an air of practiced calm, and a steady smile, which said, clearly, post-traumatic stress disorder. Whether this is owing to his time in the military, or to other, unknown factors, we could not say.
Nah, he loved the military. The PTSD is a result of the marriage.
It should be noted that the first thing I thought when I read the title of this post was "Cooties Rat Semen".
And I, "Setec Astronomy". Forgot about the rat semen somehow.
Ok, because I thought C-tec Astronomy, and then realized it was the wrong anagram.
Also, quietness explained by a) tiredness and b) in general better at meeting new people in smaller rather than larger groups. Though the degree to which last night counts as "meeting new people" is debatable.
5 seems to contain an extraneous 'i', and 6 an extraneous 'y'.
I am extremely jealous. Lubbock is also very cheap. (Actually Lubbock is expensive to get to, which seems deeply unfair.)
Preempted and my spelling was off. Oh the humanity.
Matt, I was thinking about that yesterday: the problem of academic geography. At least I'm within a days' drive of a couple of cities. I should be less whiny.
Well, I'm within a day's drive of Austin and Santa Fe and Albuquerque and most of those other cities in Texas except Houston. But it's a whole day.
I thought college towns were supposed to be charming and quaint?
No more sympathy for the late hours, LB.
Charming and quaint = teh suxx0r.
I like the SW a lot, Matt--but alas, non-locals don't often have reason to travel to Albuquerque or Austin, so it's a bit isolating.
Doesn't Lubbock have, at least, Buddy Holly related gift shops or something?
Not to be self centered or anything, but I'm curious why Ogged is apologizing to Weiner for my alleged charm (I was kind of shy + sleepy). It's not Ogged's fault.
I lived in the same city in high school as Jackmormon. Only we were from opposite sides of the tracks, and now must rumble.
Was that too hostile? This seems like a good description of Lubbock so far, a suburb without a city. When I think 'quaint college town' I think of something like maybe Claremont or Wellesley, based on my limited experience, a sleepy place with a cute little shopping area near campus. Lubbock doesn't have that, partly because it's really very difficult to navigate on foot. For instance, I live five blocks south of campus, but the north-south streets have no sidewalks and the south border of campus is a seven-lane road (w/divider, fortunately).
Is the deep dark secret here that we are all, in the main, rather nice people?
Also -- Jackmormon is wonderfully tolerant -- even to a fault! -- of listening to tipsy others' life stories. Even when the tipsy others have been inadequately socialized to know when they have been going on too long and ought to shut up already.
19 was written right after 15. There is a Buddy Holly center but that only entertains you so many afternoons (actually I'm still saving up the center, though I did take a visiting speaker to see the statue).
Tia, he's apologizing to me for not talking to Becks.
Maybe during our congress in Fargo, Joe and I can find less wonky topics of conversation. That's assuming I survive my rumble with Tia, of course.
during our congress in Fargo
OK, I think you can stop feeling bad about the jokes you made during their "smoke" break.
I am an ass, I forgot that the word "congress" appears in the post. Off to grade.
21--You're not apologizing, are you?
How late were you all there last night? I had to split early -- Mr. Breath was, unusually, out for the evening and I had to relieve our babysitter. Were you all there boozing all night? (Which would have been great if I could have stuck around. As I had to go home, you're all a bunch of lushes.)
the problem of academic geography
Actually, of course, it's the problem of getting from any smallish town in America to any other smallish town in America -- two to four flights plus drives at both ends.
But as a sojourning academic, you get to rack up the frequent flyer miles until they put you in the class where they treat you significantly less rudely.
It's not getting from small town to small town... it's that living in the boonies, no one ever comes to visit, so you're always the one who has to travel.
Not too late, they had a very early last call, and it wasn't just because they wanted us gone.
27 - We were there until about 11. The absurdly early last call was around 10:30. I wish you could have stayed -- we didn't really get a chance to chat. Bummer!
26 -- "apologizing" is a bit strong. But wishing I had spent less of our lovely conversation time talking and more listening, well, yeah. I am happy to have met you and hope we meet again.
last call was around 10:30.
WTF? What kind of bar closes at that time?
The Mineshaft never closes, silly.
Hey Weiner—I don't know whether the workload keeping you in town or the allure of being some place else wins out over the holiday break, but if you're in Texas and looking for an awkward pint, I'll be in Austin from 30 Dec to 5 Jan. Be warned, I'm no Drymala or anything.
Or is an event only NMSWT sanctioned if Ogged is present?
What I meant was that when the Mineshaft crew shows up, every bar closes early.
Subtlety is lost on you people.
There is more than one bar in Manhattan, you know, such that after an early last call at any given establishment a party of persons could, as it were, "hop" to another.
I brought Matt F home with me after the DC meatup.
last call was around 10:30.
I swear Old Town didn't close that early when I was a teenager trying to pass as 21. I know I've been there past midnight.
They could stay open later on some combination of Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. That is fairly common behavior for this type of establishment.
Oy, the spam attack begins in earnest. Ogged, I thought you had blocked all .info domains?
Smasher, thanks. I'll be out of town 'til the 4th, and I don't think I'm up for a drive down to Austin as soon as I get back. But let me know if you're around autretemps.
Don't tell his mom.
Yeah, it's bad enough that she thinks I'm normal-gay. Mineshaft-gay would really push her over the edge.
5 seems to contain an extraneous 'i', and 6 an extraneous 'y'.
Too many secrets, Marty. Should've been "Cooty Rat Semen", I guess, but "Setec Astronomy" checks out.
My implicit approval of "Setec Astronomy" in 9 wasn't credible enough for you?
At least no one has made a "My voice is my passport please verify me" joke yet.
I'll keep my nose out of it if you provide the script I asked for.
Based on information in 21 and elsewhere, it's possible that I also lived in the same city as Tia and Jackmormon during high school.
You all realize that this was all just training for when I go to NYC, right?
Patience, young Ben. Perhaps the NWSWT will come to you.
When are you coming to NYC? I will try to avoid scheduling a conflicting appointment with my dentist.
NWSWT
The Not Work-Safe World Tour.
There were a lot of fights my freshman year - and by fights I mean freshmen getting beaten up - but I was never involved in any of them.
So I'm guessing you went to Harvard in the nineteenth century sometime.
OK, so you went to Rugby in the 1830s.
Did you rumble as a youth?
A time or two to be sure -- but I was always sure to say "excuse me" when it happened.
Hmm, I would be surprised if you had information sufficient to determine that you lived in the *very* same city. Neither Jackmormon nor I actually attended high school in the very same city in which we lived, and we attended different high schools.
Btw, I am totally going to take Jackmormon. Damn Socs.
Is this picking on the HS Freshman thing new, or maybe regional?
In my yute there was hardly any of that, although considering the soci-economic mix (mostly very lower middle class Chicago suburb) you'd expect it.
Now, in a squeeky clean MN HS, very solid middle to upper middle class you get these stupid Freshman harrassment things going on.
Neither Jackmormon nor I actually attended high school in the very same city in which we lived
I grew up in the same city Jackmormon has said she grew up in (I believe) but I went to school in that same city. Large public high school, diverse in a diversity of ways.
Similar to the other offers going around upstream, I'd stand any of y'all to a pint if you're ever in the Twin Cities. We could mebbe even have a MidWest meatup, with Emerson, Tripp, L., etc. (Hell, L. might even be old enough to drink by the time we actually get around to it.)
heh heh you said MidWest meatup, heh heh.
I'd go as far as Madison or Chicago.
Well, I went to public high school in a city a bit to the south of where I lived. I had to write a little essay about what I could get out of their public high school, and they let me attend. Perhaps we went to the same high school, but did not live in the same city. Let me know your precise address, and you can either take sides with me or with Jackmormon in the rumble.
I will likely be in Urbana for a coupla days this Spring. If that is midwest enough for you guys.
Hmm, a big reason my family moved from a city a bit north of where I went to high school was to get out of a problem-plagued school district without having to apply for out-of-district permits. I don't know if an essay would have been required, though.
I will referee.
Hmm, you must be older than me if you are ABD...
I usually generalize just a little bit with strangers about my hometown. Tia and I are both from the very random satellite of where I usually imply I'm from.
Oh, and Tia, your ass is so going down. I remain the unvanquished arm-wrestling champion of the NWSWT.
Who said we were arm wrestling? I'm not giving up my size advantage. I maintain I can sit on you and bam! Rumble over.
"Advanced Bondage and Discipline"?
Is this picking on the HS Freshman thing new, or maybe regional?
As a shrimpy HS freshman in Chicago in 1972-73 (I had been double-promoted, so was a year younger than the other kids), I certainly got abused.
I believe I'm a year or two older than you, Tia, but I was a bit young for my grade so if we did go to the same high school we may have been a bunch of classes apart.
ABD = all but dissipation dissertation
Well, I graduated in '97, and based on JM's last comment, I'm pretty sure we went to the same high school. But there are a lot of us in the world.
Some day we need a Boston meet-up. It could be some place like Somerville. Doesn't have to be in the city proper.
Observe the shift in decorum post-meetup: It doesn't stop the throwdowns, but note the suprising lack of offers to oil you up before you wrestle or requests for videotapes. One would think there would be more offers now that your cuteness has been established but the opposite appears to have occurred out of politeness.
We are nothing if not gentlemen 'round here.
Heh - I almost continued that comment with "Now all the NYC guys are going to have to funnel their requests through Apostropher".
Heh - I almost continued that comment with "Now all the NYC guys are going to have to funnel their requests through Apostropher".
Now all the NYC guys are going to have to funnel their requests through Apostropher
ATM
I like Boston, and it's been a long time since I've visited that faire citie. Try to find a good broken-glass-strewn dark alleyway for Tia and I to have our knife fight in before the next meet-up.
I'd go up to Boston. I have a few friends up there whom I haven't seen in a while, it'd give me a nice excuse for a road trip.
Alas! Our Boston visit is already planned for 2 weeks from now; which I imagine is too soon for the rest of you.
I graduated '95, so we weren't that far apart, assuming we really did go to the same school. Something like 540 people graduated that year (out of over 600) and we were the smallest grade in the school.
Also, Becks, was my offer to referee too subtle?
For English, did you ever have that teacher whose name sounded like the German pronunciation of a musical form suitable for dancing? God, I hated him even though all the other girls were just in love with him. I once witnessed a schoolmate recite the Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow speech along with him when he started declaiming in class, the both of them staring at each other intently. It was appalling. I knew the words to T&T&T too, but was happy to keep it to myself.
was my offer to referee too subtle
Yes, it seemed like a claim to neutrality rather than chivalry.
that teacher whose name sounded like the German pronunciation of a musical form suitable for dancing?
Herr Pfandangostein? Yeah, I remember him . . .
And he would say the most inappropriate things. Once, in a classroom discussion of The Sound and the Fury, he said he thought his cousin (or was it his sister?) was really hot, though he knew he had to stay away. I was wearing a hat with a rolled up cloth brim and I started rolling it down my face to express my distaste, not even self-consciously (I'm a pretty low self-monitor, and I especially was in high school). He also told us a story about pissing on his cat when he was drunk to take revenge on the cat for pissing on him.
We definitely went to the same school, or that's one hell of a coincidence. I actually liked that teacher - though not in that way - so I scheduled him more than once. Looking back, I don't think that was the best decision. There were better teachers in that school.
I remember the cat story very well. Also the buried car. I don't remember him being all that inappropriate, though now I can't remember much of what he said about anything literary.
Well, it's certainly possible that I would have interpreted his stories in a different, funnier light had I thought he was a better teacher. I just thought he was more interested in cultivating following among his students than making them learn; he was generally lazy, etc.
You were there when they renovated the science buildings, right? I'm jealous, though I guess I did miss the fire in that other building.
Did you ever have the substitute teacher whose name was only one letter (or so she said), but who seemed to know who everyone was before calling roll?
he was more interested in cultivating following among his students than making them learn; he was generally lazy, etc.
This is exactly why I think it would have been best had I had other teachers earlier, but it's not something I noticed while I was still taking classes with him. Then I ended up getting a student teacher who was much better than he was, followed by a teacher whose name sounded like a farewell, and I realized how much I'd been missing.
Hmm, that doesn't sound familiar (the substitute). I think the renovation hadn't finished by the time I left.
Oh, and he made a student English teacher who I really liked cry when he obscenely rudely cut into her lesson to sharply disagree with something she was saying about a book. It was really fucking gratuitous.
So did you have Mr. [Something Naomi Klein would not approve of] for AP chemistry? He's still the best teacher I ever had. I still mean to write to him, since he wrote in my yearbook that I would be a credit to my race of alien beings if I went into science, and psychology is a little closer than I imagined getting at the time, and I want him to know.
I never had farewell and I am incredibly bitter, because I still hear about how amazing he was. Generally my English education was not so great in high school, but I guess I got a lot of it in college.
Yes, I had that AP Chem teacher, though that was when he first started teaching it and you could tell a few times that he was still working out how to run things. He was better than my AP Bio teacher, that's for sure. He actually seemed to think I was too interested in science, though I still don't think that was true.
I'm willing to bet that my going into history would count as a big surprise to just about everyone at that school, though since I really was more interested in math and science than I was in other subjects.
Did you ever have the teacher whose name sounds like a color, but is spelled differently? When I had him he made a big deal about how in an ideal class no one could guess his politics, but I heard he became more and more overt about his views as time went on.
For us, when he was teaching Avogadro's number and he brought in stuffed moles that were divided into halves to indicate that a mole never changes, no matter what substance it's made of, and then he put two of the mole behinds in a beaker, and asked the class, "What do we have?" We looked at him in silence. "Mole-asses!" he shouted triumphantly.
I think he did that for us, too, now that you mention it. Why else would I remember someone yelling "Molasses!" in school?
I think the uncertainty came from the fact that he and another teacher - who had taught the class for years - were teaching it the same year, so there was always a question of how closely the two classes resembled each other in terms of coverage, grading, etc.
on a different note, has anyone seen Brokeback Mountain yet?
I guess I'm too curious to see how that school turned out, even though we were both there at pretty much the same time. I haven't set foot on that campus since 1995.
'Case it was not obvious, my disapproval was mock. (I was leering when I wrote that.)
I was going to see BM tonight but Ellen won tix to a pre-release screening of Woody Allen's new movie -- "Break Point" maybe? -- which is supposed to be good and I'm always up for Woody Allen even if it is bad -- so hopefully I will watch BM Sunday, in time for the Mineshaft discussion group.
I will watch BM
Surely this is a case for anti-acronymity.
Why, what embarrassing thing does BM stand for?
I will watch BM
ATM. (both meanings)
Ah. got it -- I was not familiar with that acronym.
Silvana -- I will not say I've never heard someone use that acronym in the past because I probably have; but not frequently enough for it to be an actual part of my mental lexicon. I had to go to acronym-finder to jog my memory.
Weird, I would've expected the bekidded to be more familiar with that acronym than the rest of us.
It seems to have dropped out of the current parenting vocabulary, at least in my circles. 'Poop' is far more common.
A friend of my family decorated their hallway bathroom with framed pages from the children's book "Everybody Poops". It's, uh, interesting.
Yes, my experience tallies with LB's -- it was used when I was a kid but seems to have fallen out of favor.
Hm. Is there any newfangled terminology for 'fart'?
my parents didn't use it. But at a certain age, all children become enamored with synonyms for poo, young and old, and so all functioning adults should have a working knowledge of anacronystic scatological terminology.
For instance, it was imprortant to know what "BM" meant, because whenever those two words appeared together, or two words appeared together that were similar in some way to "BM" you could say something like "I left BM at the breakfast table," or "I walked with BM to school today" and it was funny.
BM may have fallen out of the lexicon, but I think bekidded really needs to take its place.
Hm. Is there any newfangled terminology for 'fart'?
Yes, "ogged".
eb, I did have the color teacher. He seemed somewhat conservative to me if I recall correctly. I also caught him lying to us once. He claimed that the word "nasty" came from the cartoonist Thomas Nast, and I went home and looged it up, and the dictionary said something like, "from the Dutch nestig. I told him what I had discovered, and then he claimed to periodically insert lies into his lectures to see if anyone would comment on it. You can email me at the above adress if you want to reminisce further, since Jeremy Osner is threatened by the mysterious arousal he feels watching our bonding.
"bekidded" is nice, though not in place of BM. Maybe Weiner can create a post around it, like AOTW*, so we can help him out.
*Still behind Anti/etam on the Web and A/rt of the W/est, darnit.
I got demerits for loogieing things up.
Agreed: Fontana is one funny cocksucker.
And Ogged is more bold on the blog than he is in person.
Now to read all of these comments...
And Ogged is more bold on the blog than he is in person.
Oh, by far.
Yeah, it's bad enough that she thinks I'm normal-gay.
Who was it who said at the DC meatup, "It's hard having that talk with your parents, telling them you're straight"? Sounds like Saiselgy wit.
he claimed to periodically insert lies into his lectures to see if anyone would comment on it.
I'm so using that.
Then I was led back to a booth with Jeremy Osner, and John Emerson.
So no one else found this sentence worthy of comment? Doesn't strike you as sinister?
#120: I'm so using that.
Also the purposeful lies in lecture. Not a bad idea atall. 'Course, saying that would also be a nice cover for when one is just flat-out wrong...
erm, didn't mean to suggest that 'bekidded' should take on the meaning of 'BM'; I kinda was thinking of a lexicon as something with a lot of slots of words, and that 'bekidded' could claim the spot but not the meaning.
Self-pwn3d.
Cala, did you buy the cowboy boots?
Google reveals that I am not the first to discover 'bekidded'. One of the first is on a message board where one of the regular posters has a sig file with a quote from Varg Vikernes. Not a particularly innocuous quote from Varg Vikernes, either.
Yes, I did, B! Not red ones, though; they were too pointy, but I found a good deal on a different pair and now I'm skipping around Calaville in boots that no grad student should be able to afford, unless said grad student finds a lucky sale.
Looking forward to the empirical testing at Oggedcon Southern Hemisphere...
Tia, I've sent you an e-mail. No more eavesdropping for the rest of you! (Though I must say, e-mails feel much more serious than comments, I don't know why.)
I have heard of the lying in lecture tactic before, but I could have sworn that was from someone I knew in college. I never caught any of that teacher's lies (if he was doing that when I was there). I remember him being so serious about his subjects that the thought of him not telling the truth never crossed my mind.
Cala, awesome! It's always good to have the kind of shoes that no grad student should be able to afford :)
Rather than BM my family used the appropriate word from another language. I wonder if other families with at least one immigrant parent did this too.
What kind of dreck is that, eb? Puro caca.
In my family, no. 1 was "wee" ("make a wee") and no. 2 was "squeeze" ("make a squeeze.") Also, my private bits were referred to as my "colito" (calito?) because apparently that's what they called it in Southern Spain, where I was born, but I have yet to find anyone in Spain who's ever heard that slang (and I've met some Andaluces), so it's a little mysterious.
Sounds like Saiselgy wit.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was him. He and I have shared the same struggle, apparently.
Within my family all the "private" words were Chinese, which I don't even know how to transliterate. Not that I know Chinese, anyway.
So will my drugs succeed in reaching the top posts before ogged gets back? Stay tuned.
Man, I'm so bummed that I had no online access today.
It should be noted that while I'm certainly no stranger to salacious rumors, Jackmormon is far to dignified a lady for such talk.
I just saw King Kong. What a fucking disaster that was.
Jackmormon is far too dignified a lady for such talk.
Of course. The better sort understand that talk is cheap.
150 is just another version of "a gentleman never tells", anyway, and we all know what that means.
Ben, no one reads between my lines like you do.
herm, my investigations have revealed that "calo" (which conceivably could be a root of "calito") means "Gypsy slang." So maybe they were calling the vulva "little Gypsy slang."
Maybe they were calling it a marijuana bud.
Warm smell of the vulva
Rising up through the air
my drugs really needs to step.
Well, it does explain this unfamiliar, lucid, clearheaded feeling. All my drugs are out spamming.
I miss them.
Joe D--
Do tell about King Kong. I had high hopes.
Warm smell of colitis
Rising up through the air.
Straight dope Cecil tells me it ain't a flower after all, though.
Do tell about King Kong. I had high hopes.
In one sentence, it had all the portentousness of the Lord of the Rings films (filtered lenses, on-the-nose dialogue, unnecessary extended slo-mo sequences) without the mythological foundation.
Parts of it even seemed to be directed by Baz Lurhmann, which is a fine thing if you're trying to be a bit campy, but I don't think that's what Jackson was going for.
Also, the special effects kind of weren't that good, if you can believe that. Jurrasic Park did it way, way better, and for less money and with a shorter running time.
Hey, I just saw Break Point and that sucked also.
Er, uh, I mean to say "Match Point". Sucked as a feature film. As a painting, pretty good (for the first hour-and-a-half); and as an action short, pretty good (for the last half hour). But neither section rose above "pretty good", the two did not fit together into a coherent whole, and an hour-and-a-half worth of painting is too much. Though wow, there is some splendid photography in there.
While not-grading, I have occasionally been linking to Unfogged threads at other blogs. So far the responses are
Which makes me wonder--who the hell is sitting around stretching out a flaccid penis like it's pizza dough or something?
and
Bawdy?! Honestly, Professor Weiner, you're worse than the spammers.
They call you Professor Weiner over there?
What else should they call him? Sergeant Weiner?
You can't spring stuff like that. People need to be eased into it. The Mineshaft is a rough place, you need to take it slow.
Who the hell is not sitting around stretching a flaccid penis like its pizza dough?
By the way, totally unrelated, I assure you, I want to publically thank Washerdreyer for being such a gracious host, for not molesting me in the middle of the night, and for setting me on my way in the morning. Merci beaucoup!
What else should they call him? Sergeant Weiner?
Private Weiner.
(That fruit was hanging so low, I picked it up off the ground.)
God, y'all's penes come with pizza dough, too?
You motherfuckers have all the fun.
You guys give me some good chuckles now and again.
Amanda and co. just completely dodged the naked vs. topless question.
Non-com Weiner might deserve some mockery for this exceedingly nerdy comment at Crooked Timber, wherein he deploys his massy symbolic logic to prove that, in fact, Bush's statements are absurd.
And to 169--I just knew you'd be safer at washerdreyer's!
Amanda and co. just completely dodged the naked vs. topless question.
Yes, that was a completely legit question. It's not clear to me from the story, though, whether the female nude they substituted for the male nude was topless or naked. Of course, there's certainly no shortage of depictions of naked women in museums and such, but I'm sure a lot fewer depictions of naked men.
Warm smell of the vulva
Rising up through the air
Mmmm, vulva . . . .
/Homer Simpson
The stretching which Ben is describing in the linked thread ultimately does not seem that similar to the type of stretching one would perform upon a lump of pizza dough, which involves pulling outward on the rims of a disk -- you could do something vaguely similar with your foreskin I guess but (a) it would be quite uncomfortable and (b) I don't think that's what Ben was talking about. Seems more like "stretching one's penis like salt-water taffee" to me.
Maybe when you are kneading pizza dough (rather than the final flattening out for the topping stage) you would need to stretch in in a manner like unto the penis-stretching.
I dunno, I've never made pizza.
And come to think of it Ben and others of his tribe probably couldn't do any stretching with the foreskin.
I didn't mix and mingle as much as I should have.
I was too busy trying to solve the riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a sweatshirt that was John Emerson.
The mysterious bald lurker really did grow up just a
few blocks away from my home. I almost immediately recognized him as a fellow ex-pat from his very obviously home-and-native-land accent (you
can run, but you cannot hide, from that Canadian 'ou' sound). But we didn't attend the same schools. He went to the public school in our neighbourhood, while I was bused out to an R.C. school to be catechized.
A few random observations:
Lizardbreath is just cool.
Ogged was exactly what I had expected, only more so.
Fontana Labs really is too tall for his own good, but can somehow get away with it.
Jackmormon is a bundle of energy, but in a good way. I'm surprised nobody has yet to mention the silver-haired gent from another party who was seriously trying to hit on her. Let me be the first to mention it. There was a silver-haired gent (or maybe not so gent) from some other party who kept passing by our table in a way that seemed (well, seemed) to
require brushig up against the chair, if not the actual person, of one of our own party, namely the person who goes under the name of Jackmormon. At some point, if I mistake not, he even made a Jackmormon-directed utterance, which didn't seem to have the desired (desired to him, that is) effect. Am I lying?
Joe Drymala cracked me up. In a good way.
I don't think it was exceedingly nerdy--it hardly exceeded my normal standard. I then went and did two more posts on it on my own blog, though that was partly out of desperation since I hadn't posted anything in eleven days.
You're not lying -- he chastised her for hanging her coat on the back of her chair, where he had no choice but to step on its tails, rather than on the hook provided for the purpose.
Which makes me wonder--who the hell is sitting around stretching out a flaccid penis like it's pizza dough or something?
The guys at Puppetry of the Penis?
175: But Amanda implicated that the Venus de Milo (pictured in her post) is naked, which I think false.
ogged has committed a similar sin. In the linked clips, Mlle Poesy retains her panties, and is so topless rather than naked. Or so I have been informed.
J, it really all depends on who's doing the molesting.
As for the next Mineshaft gathering, you could always join me in crashing Fontana's classes when they start up again next semester. ("Excuse me, Professor? Yes, which philosoher had the largest cock? That's really the only one I'm interested in reading.")
I dunno, I've heard some stories about Wittgenstein...
Plato: Athens must be ruled by philosophers!
Athenian Citizen: Wait, aren't you a philosopher?
Plato: *whistles, twiddles thumbs*
Anyone who can make an argument like that would have to have a huge cock.
But Aristotle, or so I've been told, actually tried to do it.
I've heard some stories about Wittgenstein
Yes, there's a well known one about his "poker"
Also, I deny being a particularly gracious host.
With whom?
Alexander the Great.
No worse than Plato in Syracuse, really.
In the linked clips, Mlle Poesy retains her panties, and is so topless rather than naked. Or so I have been informed.
The dude has a kind of Mr Bean thing going on.
179--Wait, you're saying that the old dude was hitting on me as opposed to being a serious pain in the ass who wouldn't get a clue about non-intrusive traffic flow?
Are you trying to make me feel bad about having been mean about him?
Maybe she's trying to make you feel good about it.
Oh yeah, the reason (one reason) I happily put up Michael for the night was to not cockblock your chance at the annoying old dude, who was in fact hitting on your 4th grade style. Obviously you and Joe D. were just a ruse to distract from the flirting with him.
I deny being a particularly gracious host.
Are you saying you did molest me?
Seriously, you were hella nice, especially consider you had never met me.
"hella" may be the worst word in all of Christiandom. Just sayin'.
Far from the worst band in all of Christendom, though.
How could I have been so blind? Truly, Washerdreyer, you set me up, Joe provided the assist, and yet I failed to score.
167,170: Major Weiner? General Weiner? BurgerMeister Meister Weiner?
By the by: FL is so huge, well, it might actually make sense that he might be so huge. Good on him. HA.
Really, we need to marry FL off for size. It'll be pure waste if he marries someone of normal height. Maybe LB has some gigantic cousins that might work out.
Yeah, you guys can't leave yet, I"m still working.
Seriously, dont leave me alone here with my drugs.
Oh god, please don't let her drink and drive…
167,170: Major Weiner? General Weiner? BurgerMeister Meister Weiner?
With a name like Weiner there's only possible rank: Regimental Sargeant Major Weiner.
It's got some of that rolling grandeur and dignity shit going.
ash
['You could go for truly tasteless tho...']
I don't not know that the interaction of 211 and 212 create a false implication via double negation.
Wiener Weiner Weiner Weiner? Ex-PFC Weinergreen?
(Hoping this is not going to lead to invocations of Godwin's or similar laws...)
...Took some thought but based on my own 176 and 178 above, I have figured out who the hell is sitting around stretching out a flaccid penis like it's pizza dough": A Jew in Nazi Germany, who is trying to pass as an uncircumcised Gentile, of course. So obvious I am amazed it escaped me at the moment.
In my haste I omitted an opening quotation mark in 217, there should be one immediately before the first "who".
And I am realizing that I am assuming I know something about Ben w-lfs-n's tribe, where in fact his entire online persona could easily be pseud and I would be none the wiser. So appypollylogies if the assumption was unwarranted.
And finally, the most popular at the Mineshaft, Rear Admiral Weiner.
But I basically stole that joke from Sweeney Todd.
217: Most gentiles I know are circumcised. However, artificial foreskins are now available.
Able Seaman Weiner or Ordinary Seaman Weiner?
Before this thread runs its course, I would just like to go on record as saying that "mysterious bald lurker" would make a great euphemism.
If only I'd seen Weiner's symbolic logic refresher earlier this week. Nobody has yet mentioned that Mr. B speaks in intriguing cryptic statements that require Venn diagrams to parse ("If X statement about my real life is true, then Y may be true but if Not X is true then Y or Z may be true...that is, if I'm even describing real-life truth and not blog truth."). If you want your mind blown, sit by him.
If you want your mind blown, sit by him.
(And, if it's unclear, I mean that in a good way.)
Maybe LB has some gigantic cousins that might work out.
I do have gigantic cousins, but they all married young. Although I'd like to see FL in the same room as my cousin Chris, just for the entertainment value of seeing Chris look comparatively small and swarthy. (Normally he looks as if he should be posing on a tractor, triumphantly holding a turnip up to the sunrise, while the other workers on his collective farm cluster joyously behind him).
Mr. B speaks in intriguing cryptic statements that require Venn diagrams to parse
Definitely did a marvelous job of being entertainingly enigmatic about the anonymity thing.
But I basically stole that joke from Sweeney Todd.
Who stole it from Jane Austen.
223: Right, but in mid-century Germany, not so much. (This applies to both of your statements.)
And finally, the most popular at the Mineshaft, Rear Admiral Weiner.
What's wrong with Vice-Admiral Weiner?
Also, if you can't make it to Bareback Mountain but want some close-up pictures of male genitalia, you can visit the Viafin-Atlas website that Apostropher links.
Who the hell is not sitting around stretching a flaccid penis like its pizza dough
Well, me, for one.
bp,
Well, me, for one.
Ah, but you couldbe.
Yeah! Beat apostropher by this || much!
I still got it baby!
In the room the women come and go
Stretching out cocks like pizza dough
Look at us, bp, vying for your attention. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme.
I grow old, I grow old,
I shall leave my cock unrolled.
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Do not ask "How big is it?"
Let it go, and make it's visit
oops, I need to borrow the macro BW owes w/d.
I have measured out my cock with coffee spoons
I know the hard-ons dying with dying fall
I think we're in danger of lily-gilding. The poem is already shot through with the cock joke nature.
Although I'd like to see FL in the same room as my cousin Chris
LB's casting for the Giantish retelling of Brokeback Mountain. Cool!
(I note for the record that I am coming to believe that much of baa's reputation for decisiveness is based on his promiscuous use of exclamation points. It works!)
Yeah, I read these lines and I was like, damn, not much to change there:
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool
The poem is already shot through with the cock joke nature.
See, for instance, 240.
And see, for instance:
"Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?"
From "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cocks":
The Naming of Cocks
The Naming of Cocks is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cock must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the Mineshaft crew use daily,
Such as Weiner, or Peter, or Johnson or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, or George or Bill Bailey -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are manlier names if you think they sound harder,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cock needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his head perpendicular,
Or spread out his scrotum, or cherish his pubes?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Corsoppystock,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -
Names that never belong to more than one cock.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover -
But THE COCK HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cock in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effin' A effable
Deep and inscrutable scrotular Name.
Today, on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, we visit the latest wilderness, the blog comment arena.
Limited to the typed word, the modern male still makes every effort to impress the female with his prowess and desirability. As their ancestors have done since time began, the males vie for attention while circling, circling, keeping one eye on the female and one eye on each other.
Look - the contest has attracted a third! And now another female joins the group! Performing what is perhaps the most important task of their lives, the courtship dancers strut and sway, thrust and parry, compelled by instinct to perform actions and tasks they may not even fully understand.
Thus life is born anew, a new hope, a new beginning for this ancient species.
much of baa's reputation for decisiveness is based on his promiscuous use of exclamation points
That, and his comments are thoughtful and clearly writ. Also.
But you know, there's fun in making the already obvious even more protruberant. IYKWIM.
D'oh! "Electra, Demeter" should have been switched out for "or Ari, for starters".
Tia,
I think I do:
Protruberant = protruding/exuberant.
That is awsome!
That, and his comments are thoughtful and clearly writ
Goes without saying. Which is to say, since he's a Republican, we should never, ever say (admit) it.
I wish I could take credit for a brilliant portmanteau, but protuberant is a real word I happened to misspell. (Isn't it?) And is better with the original spelling, because then you say "tuber," heh heh heh. Which brings us back to the wondering masses gathered around LB's cousins miraculously large turnip.
the males vie for attention while circling, circling, keeping one eye on the female and one eye on each other.
And here I thought y'all were keeping one eye on each other and the other on your manly stretched cocks.
No one made the joke I expected, about the stretching of the labia--which, obviously, far more pizza-dough-like.
And anyway I am at least moderately pwned.
since he's a Republican, we should never, ever say (admit) it.
I didn't say he wasn't also wrong. I'm reminded of the correct way to argue with Milton Friedman.
Yoi. The correct way to link to the correct way to argue with Milton Friedman.
Actually, can we clone baa? Because I'm so tired of arguing with irrational Republicans.
Hey, I actually talked a semi-rational Republican into coming to the meetup.
far more pizza-dough-like
Perhaps yours are, Ms. Deep Dish.
Who the hell is not sitting around stretching a flaccid penis like its pizza dough
Well, me, for one.
Yeah, but when you get your hands on one I daresay it tends not to remain flaccid.
Heisenberg's Cock-stretching Principle?
Shall I compare thee to a deep-dish pie?
Thou art more crusty and more Sausagely...
I'm waiting at my sister's house (St. Cloud, Mn.) for the oxcart which will take me home, and she has a connection here, so.....
Ogged's lingering resentment of my earlier Ulugh Beg comment explains the "Grizzly Adams" comparison. Hmph.
A lot of people here from the same high schools or the same small neighborhood (5 from 2). There were also 2 1/2 Canadians there, counting Jackmormon (who was cuter than I expected, since she's not a guy). Jackmormon confirms that the Yukon is boring if you're not an elk.
I was able to get a Canadian-content PC response out of IA with a slur on Screech-drinking Newfies.
Tia, eb, and Jackmormon speak very euphemistically indeed. Was this a reform school that they attended, or maybe a lesbian ninja training school? Or does the faculty there read Unfogged?
No one apparently has mentioned Ogged's lovely and charming Ex. (I failed to praise NYC enough and she seemed defensive about that -- really, NYC is fine, Ex!).
I didn't get a change to ask the big questions: "Are the rumors about Ogged true?" and "Is the image of inadequacy Ogged projects just a sly cover for something which is really much worse?"
Heisenberg's Cock-stretching Principle?
The more the cock is stretched, the less flaccid it becomes, and vice versa.
Heisenberg's Cock-stretching Principle?
No, it's The Ogged Test of w-lfs-n's Theorem of Penile Elasticity
John, you will find more commentary on the NY meetup (mixed in with who's-drinking-what and commentary on the divine nature of w-lfs-n) on the NY thread lower down the page.
NYC is fine, Ex!
Actually, John, it was that you kept saying that NY was "just like Portland," which she took to be a sign of total insanity. Otherwise, she found you charming.
Sorry I forgot to beat you up.
It occurs to me that, to the extent oggedville remains a secret, we might think that NYC or DC could actually be oggedville. Anyone catch ogged being surprisingly knowing about your city, and then suddenly scrambling to make a bumpkin comment?
Gee, Emerson, you really know how to make a lady feel special.
Bowing a taut string of liquids and vowels, I have stolen Weiner's blogheart.
As a complement to "yoi", you might like to know, the lower register of my lexical cello has a sonorous "Goa'uld".
BTW John, were my fingers-crossed-for-luck-not-deception instructions of much use to you, in finding the airport?
What I said was that any given block in NYC might be matched with a block in Portland, but that there were about 20-30 times as many blocks in NYC. This is the fractal kind of thing, where the bigger thing and the smaller thing are "the same", but the larger thing has more levels of detail and distinction in a pretty similiar urban pattern.
Manhattan is noticably dirtier, and also lacks Portland's wealth of stripper bars, but I didn't want to nitpick.
Jeremy, it probably would have been fine, but someone told me about a shuttle near Grand Central station.
I've done the whole trip except the oxcart part on various forms of public transport plus walking, so for me this has been as much an education in transportation as anything else.
What I said was that any given block in NYC might be matched with a block in Portland
So you're going with, "insane." Play to your strenghts, that's what I always say.
There is a sense in which all pedestrian-friendly cities feel similar, if what you're comparing them with is either non-cities or sprawl cities. While I've never been to Portland, thinking about Boston and Chicago I'd say that they're strongly recognizable as the same kind of place as NYC, even though they're very different from it.
Well, I suppose that I should start backing and filling. How about "a large proportion of Manhattan is pretty unexceptional, though there's an awful lot of it" and "American cities are all pretty similiar, in a fractal sort of way". It's true that you're not going to bump into the MOMA in Portland.
In order to really blow Ex's mind (assuming that's what you were going for), you ought to have made the comparison to Phoenix. "Manhattan would be exactly like Phoenix if in place of Central Park there were a Camelback Mountain."
Eastern North Carolina would be exactly like NYC, if you replace the people with hogs.
What makes NYC special is not MOMA but the people, or, more properly, the density and diversity of people. NYC is a living demographic mashup.
The one black I saw that couldn't possibly be from Portland was a whole block full of spas and beauty salons. Unfortunately, for me one spa is too many, so I didn't get my transcendent NYC "aha!" experience from that.
When I walked through Wall Street, for me it was a mega-version of walking though Portland's miniture business district. Again, if I were interested in finance, I would have thought differently.
Wouldn't replacing the people with hogs make NC less like NYC? Or are you denigrating New Yorkers as piglike?
NYC is more international. If I stayed longer I might have appreciated that, but walking past people on the sidewalk diversity is pretty much wasted. NYC actually was rather whiter than I'd expected.
Portland has more suicide girls per capita, most likely.
She set Mr. B straight on the "does water go down the drain in the opposite direction in the Southern Hemisphere?" question in classic Lizardbreathian manner, with information that Becks did sensibly wonder why, in this internetical age, no two people had thought to videotape flushes in the hemispheres, and post the results.
Holy shit! (So to speak.) I've heard the "clockwise in one hemisphere/counterclockwise in the other" claim presented as true several times, but apparently it is, in fact, nonsense.
The one black I saw
Noted without comment.
Portland also has whole blocks full of unsuccessful indie musicians.
NYC actually was rather whiter than I'd expected.
You stayed in downtown Manhattan, which is a non-representative subset of NYC. When Mr. Breath comes downtown for something, he has a tendency to walk around boggling at all the white people. (Not that there aren't plenty in my neighborhood, but never close to a majority in sight on the street.)
I'm sure you can decipher my syntactical misfire, Osner.
From the Pandagon comments:
Because I am twelve years old, I am sitting here giggling that a guy named Matt Weiner has the definitive discussion on stretched-vs-erect penis length.
I'm not sure whether we and they should have a mixer or a rumble.
Portland has more suicide girls per capita, most likely.
Williamsburg, the East Village, & the Lower East Side would have a pretty high concentration. And taken together, would be like a city within the city.
Same applies to unsuccessful indie musicians.
ac, I see a successful career ahead of you in drawing congressional district lines.
Remember, too, that I have a more comprehensive experience than the rest of you, since for me Portland and NYC are at one end of a continuum, at the other end of which is the peasant village to which I will return once the oxcart arrives. I speak for billions of voiceless peasants.
Jeez, you guys are defensive. NYC is fine!
What Emerson says about density and layers does not seem objectionable to me. But I have only visted, and not lived in, New York.
People just say mean things about us so much -- we get sad and cranky. But as long as you had a good time, that's okay.
Portland is nice. But it's true that NYC isn't white if you get out of downtown, which you should, on your next trip.
Well, my original offense was merely to say that NYC was like Portland, but 20 or 30 times bigger. Implied was the urbanologist's truism that bigger cities have many more different kinds of things in them. But at street level that's not visible. Most of the particular things I saw were like other things I'd seen.
JM, this is just your strategy to get me to go easy on you, since I know I'll need you when we fight the Pandagonians.
Easy for you to say. I say: mixer.
Hey, I emailed the yahoo address on your Blogger profile with my contact info. I'm entirely psyched about finding a bridge game (and one that sounds as if its not too far above my level)!
I'm not sure whether we and they should have a mixer or a rumble.
Can't we do both?
You really don't like that two diamond bid, eh?
Games will (or should) start up again in Jan. Don't make fun of my real name when you learn it.
And w-lfs-n, we must preserve the death instinct of small differences.
Yeah, my postmarital last name is no bed of roses either. (Hyphenated, and his half is silly.)
Can't we do both?
Would that be a mumble?
What makes NYC special is not MOMA
Man On Man Action?
310 - I had an English teacher in HS who got married and became "Jane Arndt-Green". She was mortified at the prospect of living the rest of her life with a grammatically incorrect name.
a grammatically incorrect name
But hopefully it was a true assertion, with grammar corrected.
Unless it described her resentfully envious attitude toward the normally-named.
This occurred to me while I was writing 314: can a grammatically incorrect clause be a factually correct assertion? I was trying to figure out whether "Jane aren't green" is the same as "Jane isn't green" but garbled, or if it's an entirely different statement, a meaningless one without any truth value. Whaddya think?
I'd say that if the grammatical incorrectness leaves it unambigiously comprehensible to the typical hearer, it has a truth-value. But I have no idea of how to justify that position.
It's an rare, obsolete, irregular plural of "Jane", comparable to "deer", "sheep", "fish", etc.
Man On Man Action Museum of Modern Art.
I call shenanigans on the NYC is like Portland thing. I haven't lived in Portland, but I've been there several times, and I did live in NYC for a little while. Those cities feel very different to me, although they both have good public transportation. Portland has this granola hippie thing going on that has no equivalent in NYC. Also, all I would have to do to look trendy in Portland is wear fleece. Preferably with Tevas or Chacos. That would so not fly in NYC.
Yeah, my postmarital last name is no bed of roses either. (Hyphenated, and his half is silly.)
"LizardBreath-Doofus" or something like that?
Mr. Breath's premarital name was on the order of Alex Cockburn, silliness-wise. His is now less silly, mine is more.
(Not too far from where we live, Seaman Ave. crosses Cumming Street. There's a church there, which sadly is not the Church of the Immaculate Conception, but should be.)
singular girl -- there is a very moderate bit of granola hippiness going on on the Upper West Side of Manhattan; and a larger amount of it in Park Slope, bits of Brooklyn south of the Heights, and scattered throughout Queens. Park Slope Food Co-op is definitely ground zero for granola in NYC, or was when I was a member about 7 years gone by.
Frederick -- LizardBreath is obviously her first name, which generally does not get hyphenated. In this day and age anyways.
323 -- is Alex Cockburn more, less or equally silly as Bruce Cockburn?
I don't thnk of "Cockchafer" as being a silly name, LB. You should be pround to be a hyphenated Cockchafer.
Wait, I wasn't supposed to tell people, was I?
Granola has lost its power, I think.
Portland is an important world lesbian center, if I'm not mistaken.
Yeah, there are a lot of them in Park Slope as well. I think "granola" and "lesbians" connote some of the same imagery.
NYC has apparently been colonized by Portland lesbians. Fleece and granola aren't identified with lesbians in PDX.
John -- your two statements in 329 do not jive with one another. NYC lesbians must be different from Portland ones if in Portland that identity does not hold. Perhaps NYC has been colonized by Burlington (VT) lesbians.
Oh wait, nevermind, I think I see what you meant.
As opposed to Burlington (Coat Factory) lesbians.
Jeremy -- fleece and granola are, or were, pervasive in Portland (not specically identified with lesbians). Thus, in NYC they are markers of Portlandness, not of lesbianness.
John -- yeah that is what I had in mind when I wrote "I think I see what you meant". I ought to have been more explicit.
SCMT -- the latter, and don't call me w-lfs-n.
I think he was calling me to bring the sweet light of truth to bear on the matter, Osner.
Oh. I thought he was accusing me of an infelicity (mea culpa), and getting my name wrong into the bargain. But if you are the acknowledged referee in such matters I will bow to your judgement.
Noticing incidentally that the NYC meetup thread has attracted nearly 10 times the number (and quality) of comments, as the DC report. Rock and Roll.
Noticing incidentally that the NYC meetup thread has attracted nearly 10 times the number (and quality) of comments, as the DC report. Rock and Roll.
We may be small, but we're feisty.
Incidentally, in the event of a rumble between Tia and Jackmormon, I'm siding with Tia.
So did Tia wear Groucho glasses or what?
I dunno, Jack looked as if she has a lot of quick. And Tia revealed her secret identity (or, rather, her secret profession.) I'd tell you the exciting facts, but security considerations forbid it.
That may be true, but I have to go with school loyalty.
I'm siding with the lithe & lissome dancer's body.
Is 345 a record for unfogged? dancer's body or no, i think this thread qualifies as a virtual worldwide circle jerk. which would make it the best sex ogged has had in what, three years?
Is 345 a record for unfogged?
No.
Lord, snees, you've been away and w-lfs-n's being coy.
Here.
Extremely passing comment here. Wave.
350!
Is 345 a record for unfogged?
Not even close. I have no idea whether it holds the record, but here's a post with more than thrice as many: 1154 comments. The incredibly thought-provoking post in question:
From the Goldbarth:
"My wife's friend Jane's young son announced, / in case we didn't know it, 'Men-have-penises / Women-have-vagendas.'"