Missing a period at the end of the quote.
It would have been genius if I'd planned that.
So yesterday I managed to get the whole sign-off team to AGREE on the wording for the press release, and VP of Clinical said that I always do a great job!
Then I went home and saw my hot wife, and beautiful, giggling daughter, and cooked a gourmet meal.
Missing a period at the end of the quote.
Actually, s/b "quotation."
To be really pedantic, there was nothing wrong with the punctuation of apostropher's comment. Furthermore, you seem not to have ended your own sentence, bitch.
Typographical conventions be damned!
The final sentence of those rules is quite amusing -- a call to be unpleasant on altruistic grounds.
"Typographical conventions be damned!"
s/b, "I'm a little bitch."
I see w-lfs-n is heeding the call.
s/b, "I'm a little bitch."
We all know that I'm a little bitch. What I am has been settled. Why not move on to the more interesting question of why I'm a little bitch? Or consider my modality, for instance: must I be a little bitch, or is my little bitchiness contingent? Might I have been more or less of a little bitch had things gone otherwise in the past?
Ben Franklin was a great American -- the greatest American, IMO. But since when is he the "father of his country"?
But since when is he the "father of his country"?
Ever since the famous incident in which he asked George Washinton "Who's your daddy? C'mon! Tell me! Who's your daddy?"
Apostropher: great American or greatest American?
Or we could discuss the ineluctable modality of the little bitch: at least that if no more, thought
through my eyes.
My guess is, it's because you won't go to Sandymount with me, is why.
"Usage Note: People have been using the noun quote as a truncation of quotation for over 100 years, and its use in less formal contexts is widespread today. Language critics have objected to this usage, however, as unduly journalistic or breezy. As such, it is best avoided in more formal situations. The Usage Panel, at least, shows more tolerance for the word as the informality of the situation increases. Thus, only 38 percent of Panelists accept the example He began the chapter with a quote from the Bible, but the percentage rises to 53 when the source of the quotation is less serious: He lightened up his talk by throwing in quotes from Marx Brothers movies."
Unfortunately, the quotation is from Franklin and not Labs, else I'd be 53% in the clear, rather than merely 38%.
"Yes." I said, "Yes." I said, "Yes, I will. Yes."
Nitpick that, bitchaz.
Apostropher is the hero. Apostropher may be the greatest American. But apostropher is not the greatest American hero.
Nitpick that, bitchaz.
New assignment: correct all non-standard grammar in Joyce's writing. You have one hour.
Apostropher is the hero.
So it's you leaving spam over on the Options thread! I shoulda known. Very informativity.
Not all nonstandard grammar is mistaken grammar of the sort that is susceptible to correction. You lose!
Not all nonstandard grammar is mistaken grammar of the sort that is susceptible to correction.
The College Board would disagree. We are not going for artistic merit here. Mindless conformity, people, come on! If I can't read your essay in under 3 minutes, I'm taking points off.
"Yes." I said, "Yes." I said, "Yes, I will. Yes."
-Yes, I said. Yes, I said. Yes I will. Yes.
Are you thinking of that idiotic article in the Atlantic Monthly some time ago, perchance? That article was pretty idiotic.
--That is nitpicking.
Hooray! Ay! Whrrwhee!
--What?
--A shout in the street.
No, I'm just referring to the way they tell us to grade essays in the SAT class I teach. I have a little checklist. Didn't read the Atlantic article.
Your little bitchness is essential, b-wo. Without it, Hubert Humphrey would win the election and we couldn't tell Nixon apart from a light switch or the man drinking the non-existent champagne.
"We all know that I'm a little bitch. What I am has been settled. Why not move on to the more interesting question of why I'm a little bitch? Or consider my modality, for instance: must I be a little bitch, or is my little bitchiness contingent? Might I have been more or less of a little bitch had things gone otherwise in the past?"
--Benjamin w-lfs-n, "Rules for making oneself such a little bitch"
Might I have been more or less of a little bitch had things gone otherwise in the past?
I've been waiting for speculation on this.
Ben Franklin was a great American -- the greatest American, IMO. But since when is he the "father of his country"?
The country in question is France.
Ben Franklin, also a member of the Swimming Hall of Fame.
Ben Franklin, also a member of the Swimming Hall of Fame.
I take it you were referring to the International Swimming Hall of Fame, but he's also in the Pennsylvania Swimming Hall of Fame and the United States Swim Schools Association Hall of Fame. He's also a member of the World Chess Hall of Fame, and ten other halls of fame. Let's face it, he rocks.
He's also in the "Make an ugly woman your wife" Hall of Fame. He was a non-looksist in his choice of sexual partners, and a spokesman for non-looksism.
No report on his verdict on bestiality.
How did he feel about boning the underage (or at what age underagedness begins), that's what I want to know.
The age of consent then was probably 12, so the question doesn't come up. However, his reasons for preferring ugly women seems to also mean he'd prefer older women. He was into conversation and shit like that.
One of his lady friends in France was quite young, if not actually underage (by today's standards, at least). I'm pretty sure he went after her mother too, though it's possible I'm mixing people up. He certainly made the rounds when he was over there.
That was John Fund, and he went after the mother first, when the daughter was about 3.
42: Attractive women can be good conversationalists. Or is it simply that men are too stupefied in their presence to engage with what they have to say?
How did he feel about boning the underage (or at what age underagedness begins), that's what I want to know.
He opposed it, explaining in a letter to a friend that, "The debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy." and "The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections." He advocating boning women over 45 instead.
Frederick, that doesn't really answer the question, although it is an interesting letter. He might have thought that it was entirely appropriate to marry the "underage," and therefore that boning them within marriage was entirely appropriate.
I read that Franklin defended his pursuit of older women with the quip "in the dark, all cats are gray".
My 47 is inaccurate. Franklin advocated boning "old women," explaining as one reason for this, "Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience." The "over 45" is the gloss given to Franklin's statement by the person who put up the link I gave in 47. Actually, it is possible, if improbable, for women over 45 to have kids -- one out of every 2,500 live births in the U.S. last time I looked. Dunno how many of those were technologically assisted, as Elizabeth Edwards' last pregnancy (she gave birth at age 50) was.
Ben knew all about the Inconvenience of "irregularly produc'd" children. His love child became a Royalist, and was imprisoned for that during the Revolutionary War.
He might have thought that it was entirely appropriate to marry the "underage," and therefore that boning them within marriage was entirely appropriate.
True, although w-lfs-n's reference to "boning" to me implied non-marital sex. Of course Franklin thought it was fine to bone one's wife.
I read that Franklin defended his pursuit of older women with the quip "in the dark, all cats are gray".
Yes, that's in paragraph 5 of the letter to which I linked in 47.
46 / 42. My point is that by and large, 16 year olds are not good conversationalists, and that conversation was one of his positive criteria. Ugly women are as good at conversation as attractive women, and some are better.
Ah, Becks, only now do I understand your cleverness.
OTOH, while he was being wined and dined in Paris, he refused to send his daughter French lace for a formal party, telling her snarkily that if she wore her cambric ruffles long enough they would look like lace, and implying that she was unpatriotic for wanting to wear anything but plain homely clothes.
Which makes him an insufferable little bitch, says I.
Hey, Kevin Drum rocks:
You can have your Washingtons, your Jeffersons, and your Madisons. All great men, to be sure. But for my money, the greatest of them all was Benjamin Franklin, my favorite founding father and the first great American liberal: an outstanding humanist, brilliant scientist, and incomparable statesman; a man who could run a postal service, a small business, or a legislature with equal ease — and who'd be happy to share a friendly beer with you after he was done.
Happy 300th Birthday, Ben! We could use a few more like you these days.
Saith BPhD:
Which makes him an insufferable little bitch, says I.
He treated his wife like shit, too. And I've already alluded to his great (not!) relationship with his son. I didn't say he was perfect.
Ogged has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.
In Japan it is considered rude to talk with apostropher in your mouth.
BitchPhD is the number one cause of blindness in the United States.
BitchPhD is the number one cause of blindness in the United States.
It's the sight of her bqqbies.
Matt, are you joking? The correct usage is "would have been", not "would of been".
No, "would of been" is correct. "Would" is a subjunctive form of "will", and in a sentence such as "James would of been happy to see Edna", what's being asserted is that the content of James' (unfulfilled!) will is to see Edna. Similarly, the sentence "James will see Edna" is a contracted form of "James has a will of seeing Edna" or (if you like) "James wills seeing Edna". The futurity enters because willings are always directed towards future events.
Once you have glimpsed them, what matters sight? For you will never look on anything that compares.
ben did not deserve to see them, b. The way to get back at him would be to show them to someone more empathetic, with a quick, monosyllibic handle, and rock hard abdominal muscles.
Ben, your view, while undeniably creative, is contradicted by every style guide I've been able to find online.
Example:
"He would have been elected," not "He would of been elected."
And then there's Google hit counts:
"would of been" 396,000
"would have been" 70,600,000
Ben, were you punking me? If so, well done.
#63: It was never a question of Ben's deserving them, although clearly he did not. It was a question of me agreeing to send the pic to Ben in exchange for Michael using my Amazon link to buy his new laptop. Because I am a pathetic penny-grubbing whore, basically.
you say "ogged" in one syllable? It's always been two in my mind.
one syllable is for when it's used as a verb. besides, I'll be he's already seen them.
Ogged has most assuredly NOT seen my breasts, thankyouverymuch.
It should be noted that Michael didn't consult with or otherwise involve me when he made his proposal.
What difference does that make? Could you possibly sound more ungrateful?
Just saying.
Of course I'm grateful. I even make an offering before them every night.
it was wrong of me to assume that. the capacity to admit that I was wrong is why I am the deserving recipient of the photographs.
Agreed. Next time one of the Unfoggedeteriat buys a computer through my Amazon link, you get the tit shot, text.
ben uses the lean, tough cuts for his sacrifices, whereas I would use only the finest hindquarters, and sprinkle them with expensive grains.
I even make an offering before them every night.
That is most obscene.
I'll have you know I posted my tits here, free of charge, for everybody. Because I have a little thing called artistic integrity.
I have a little thing called "anonymity." And another little thing called "students."
Well, just the one tit, but still.
I'd have paid, apos. you sell yourself short.
I wonder if I could make enough money to replace the goddamn Subaru by selling pictures of my tits.
Apo, I thought it was called Spanky Johnson?
apostropher, your tit-offering has and continues to be greatly appreciated, fret not.
Geez, Apo's tit-offering gets appreciated where w-lfs-n's is called only obscene -- talk about a double standard!
BPhd, your anonymity will not be harmed if you flash us, unless you have the habit of flashing your students and colleagues too, and even then only if they also bear an identifying mark, such as an AC/DC tattoo, or the face of Christ.
"They" meaning your boobies, not your colleagues.
Apo offered his own tits, I made an offering before another's. Big difference.
If ben were to offer up his own tits, they would be similarly appreciated.
John, there are plenty of people who know who I actually am. And I suspect there are a few who suspect. And god forbid I ever get outed and there's a link to my naked tits on teh internets.
I already said, I don't have a camera.
I know. Isn't that the lamest excuse ever?
He could go to any computer store, use their camera to do a tit shot, and email it from there.
I'm willing to bet the manager wouldn't like that.
I would not only want to see the resulting tit-shot from that, but the security camera footage. Teh awesome.
You could do an ASCII art approximation, Ben. And leave offerings.
B, perhaps you could post someone else's tits as yours, and then if it ever becomes an issue, explain that they weren't really yours and flash the investigating committee to prove it. After they see the AC/DC tattoo they'll believe you.
At this point even I want to see some tits. Speaking of which, I just replied to your email, w-lfs-n. No tits there, sorry.
B., I'm not really arguing, you know.
Perhaps we should change the subject to something less disturbing, such as bestiality.
The key question here -- how does Ben know they're really Bitch's tits? Couldn't she have found a picture online, with the head conveniently cropped off, or some kind of object obscuring her head?
Did Emerson pwn me, technically? I'm still trying to learn the lingo.
Ah, w-lfs-n -- I remember when I was that innocent, but now my heart has been broken too many times for me ever to trust a pseudonymous blogger again.
For the last time Adam, you didn't get it from me.
"It was a convention among the metrosexuals of the first century of the third milleniumto patch over awkward conversational silences with stereotyped comments about bestiality, the way earlier generations had talked about sports and the weather".
Emerson, are you holding yourself up as a paradigm metrosexual?
I thought that that was unquestioned.
John Emerson was known to recommend sex with dogs with the following rueful comment: "At least you know you won't get the bitch pregnant."
No worries. Someday I'll get drunk again and email pictures of my tits to all of you, if only to make myself a disagreeable companion by trying to engross the conversation.
That wouldn't be very disagreeable.
Oh, and on the subject of bestiality, I'll let on that the sensation of mice crawling around inside one's shirt is actually quite pleasant, in a trailing-fingers-goosebumpy kind of way.
Until they pee on you, but that might get two fetishes for the price of one, I suppose.
It's not polite to talk when I'm in your mouth, B.
Eh, mouse pee. Once you've raised a kid pee no longer bothers you. Nor connotes any kind of thrilling forbidden naughtiness, to be fair.
Actually I am a revolutionary metrosexual, initiating a paradigm shift. All y'all are normal metrosexuals, working within the established paradigm.
Ogged, when were you going to talk to everyone else about the proposed format shift toward all-bestiality, all-the-time?
#108: I could have, but you forget how lazy I am, Adam.
I stand firmly against the having of sexual relations with metros.
Once you've raised a kid pee no longer bothers you.
When Keegan was just starting to talk, I used to get in the tub with him for baths because it was easier on the back than leaning over the edge. We often played a game where I'd stick my face in the water, then come up and he'd laugh. Then he'd stick his face in the water and come up and laugh. He was easily entertained.
Anyhow, one night I come up and he laughs and I say "Your turn!" He gives me a very serious, frowny look and says no. So I dunk my face again, and he just cackles.
"Your turn!"
"No, daddy, no."
[Dunk face again to hysterical laughter]
"Your turn!"
"No, daddy, no! No turn!"
"Why no turn, Keegan?"
[ear-to-ear grin] "Pee pee!"
One of our great PK stories:
Mr. B. and PK go out after dark to walk to the store to get cookies for pre-menstrual or otherwise cranky me. Mr. B. doesn't bother putting on shoes; he is wearing slippers. He steps in dog poo, swears, tries wiping it off, doesn't have a lot of luck, leans down to pull off the slipper and scrape it on the curb, puts his hand in poo.
PK (just starting to talk): Papa, you stepped in poop?
Mr. B.: Yes.
PK: You have poop on your shoe?
Mr. B.: Yes.
PK: Papa, you have poop on your hand?
Shut up, tweedle. It's rude to laugh at the parental cute kid stories.
I mean, "laugh at" in the mocking sense, of course.
And I mean "shut up" in the fond, "g'wan, you" sense, of course.
I took baths with my two sisters when I was little. When I was about four my two-year-old sister pooped in the tub and then smiled the happiest smile you could ever imagine. I still tease her about it.
She meant "shut up" in the fond "Go die, you childfree parasite!" way.
well, I actually thought it was funny, and was originally going to type HAHAHA, so I was actually more making fun of myself for not having anything better to say.
Nah, I don't have a beef with those who are helpfully lowering the population count and thereby possibly ensuring that PK and his offspring will have enough to eat for a few more months.
Oh. Well, in that case I'm sorry I told you to shut up.
it's ok b. i'm a bit young to start being a father.
It's never too early to start, TD.
I'm off to bed. My tits need their beauty rest.
Y'all do realize that Ogged and Baa are bonding over their mutual appreciation of *Journey* over in the other thread, right?
Apostropher was cuing me, obviously.
Tweedledopy, if you're under 16, or even 18 in some states, for legal reasons you should use artificial insemination if impregnation is desired.
JE, I'm older than that. But still, no kids.
The personal info is behaving strangely. Every time I open a comment window without commenting (and without checking off the "Remember info?" box), it erases one line of my personal info, starting at the bottom. I liked the old way, when it would remember my personal info no matter whether I checked it or not -- or maybe you could try a system where the box stays checked.
(I use the latest Firefox, on Windows XP. My sign is Cancer.)
Kotsko, change the remember vertical position to no. because that's screwing it all up.
49: Dissertation topic: Romatic love evolved in response to the development of lighting technology that allowed you to see your beloved at night.
146:
I forget the reference but I am reminded of this:
" It is amazing how many normally sober men fall in love by the kind of light in which they would not buy a suit"
Beauty is only a light switch away.
When my firstborn was about six or so she came home from school feeling sick. I held her quitely while we watched "The Lion King" and she went 'cough, cough, BARF!!' It was a stream of bright red projectile vomit that spewed a few feet directly in front of us before falling to the floor. We both sat there dumbfounded for a moment or two before I sprinted with her to the bathroom. The second and final spew showered the bathroom wall and floor. The vomit was bright red from the Fruit Punch and Fruit Rollups she had eaten.
Shudder.
I'm with Bphd. Raising kids toughens you up for a lot of things.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
With the contacts out all bathrooms look clean.
Oh man. I have a great vomit clean-up story, that ends up with me almost getting my ass kicked for being a nice guy. The question is, should I put it in the comments here, or post drive visitors to my blog?
We already have one little bitch, we don't need another. Here, I say!
Dissertation topic: Romantic love evolved in response to me running out of money to buy more drinks.