"Ben w-lfs-n is a little bitch committed to correcting your grammar. Also, he looks like Cornel West."
He listens to and promulgates noise that can only be loosely described as music while working towards a degree in something you're not likely to understand. His left testicle is exceedingly droopy.
Ben w-lfs-n, he was a desp'rate little man,
He carried two guns ev'ry day.
He shot a man on the West Virginia line,
An' you ought seen Ben w-lfs-n getting away.
Ben w-lfs-n, he got to the Keystone Bridge,
He thought that he would be free.
And up stepped the sheriff and took him by his arm,
Says, "Benjy, won't you walk along with me."
He sent for his poppy and his mommy, too,
To come and go his bail.
But money won't go a murdering case;
They locked Ben w-lfs-n back in jail.
Ben w-lfs-n, he had a pretty little girl,
That dress that she wore was blue
As she came skipping through the old jail hall,
Saying, "Poppy, I've been true to you."
Ben w-lfs-n, he had another little girl,
That dress that she wore was red.
She followed Ben w-lfs-n to his hanging ground,
Saying, "Poppy, I would rather be dead."
I been to the East and I been to the West,
I been this wide world around.
I been to the river and I been baptized,
And now I'm on my hanging ground.
Ben w-lfs-n walked out on his scaffold high,
With his loving little wife by his side.
And the last words she heard poor Benjy say,
"I'll meet you in that sweet bye-and-bye."
Sorry -- actually I just mostly wanted to say, "Ben w-lfs-n was a desperate little man" but somehow the whole rest of the song got dragged along with it. It's like potato chips I tell you!
I believe the vision he has of himself has been made clear, with all the references to the emotion-smiting logical dinosaur.
Is the suggestion in 7 that w-lfs-n's about page should describe him as a "Noted weiner"?
Ben w-lfs-n continues his awkward public love affair with failure, so it seems.
Ben w-lfs-n has a mild distaste for humanity.
He enjoys correcting people and non sequitors.
Ben w-lfs-n is so gay, he ain't that gay.
His reign of little bitchhood was tragically cut short when he was brutally pwned by Tia.
Is it Ben w-lfs-n that is the pre-eminent cock theorist of our time? Also, he is the proud creator of the w-lfs-n Indiscretion Error (WIE).
sequitors.
"Sequiturs". Also, Chopper, I just checked and they're about the same.
I know most of the "About" pages don't have graphics, but I think w-lfs-n's should definitely bear his image.
"Ben w-lfs-n" is an elaborate in joke at Unfogged, as opposed to Ben w-lfs-n, who is an actual real person. The latter makes very rare appearances, but is generally doing something else, whereas the former is ubiquitous and can, really, be described as the mascot and soul of Unfogged. When you have tired of him, you have tired of Unfogged, and you may ascend to a higher plane.
4 is great, regardless of Jeremy's implication to the contrary in 5.
But if you meant "3 was great", then thanks!
off by one error :)
(but not a fencepost error)
Yes, 3 is great, claims to the contrary made in 4 notwithstanding.
Various Unfogged readers email to say that Ben w-lfs-n is not the authentic face of Unfogged.
I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
There was a time when Unfogged opposed shaggy-dog indulgences and supported keen-eyed storytelling, when it wasn't a seething and ever-bloating mass of puns and catchphrases. That day is long past, and the artistic and intellectual decay of Unfogged is far gone.
So, Standpipe, what you're saying is that the sidebar should read...
Ben w-lfs-n is a seething and ever-bloating mass of puns and catchphrases.Append #1 and call it definitive!
The catchphrase complaint doesn't really adhere to Ben, though. Unlike—his mom.
6 and 7: What's the linguistic justification for using unfoggetariat rather than unfoggedariat? I have written "unfoggedariat" in the past, at least once (well it was three times, because I posted the comment thrice).
Reading it in the comment box, "unfoggedariat" makes more sense to me, but it may be that people pronounce it unfoggedariat. I want an explanation. I need to hear words like glottal stop and elision.
Yeah, and I might owe an apology to Cornel West. Strike that suggestion.
Ben w-lfs-n is the intact Cheerio in the otherwise steaming milieu of vomit that is Unfogged.
"Ben w-lfs-n" is not Ben w-lfs-n, but a blogger of the same name.
And can I just say I love this site and meant nothing by my suggestion for Mr. w-lfs-n's sidebar.
Proletariat, commentariat, secretariat.
The spelling I prefer is Unfoggedtariat.
And, as Labs doesn't believe in 'em, link.
There was a time when Unfogged opposed shaggy-dog indulgences and supported keen-eyed storytelling
I kinda like just "The Unfogged." But then Unfoggedonauts has some appeal.
Were Unfogged a city, its residents might be called Unfoggedians. Were is a middle eastern or central asian country, perhaps they would be Unfoggedis. I prefer to think of myself as an Unfo. More irregular!
Since we already have the domain name and the discussion forum, once we figure out what to call ourselves we can pretty much IPO.
I thought we called ourselves the Mineshaft?
Next person to rechristen the comments gets an Aeron chair.
thebestestcommentsintheworld!
where's my chair?
43: I thought the mineshaft was where we were, not who we are.
Hold on, Tia. Your chair is under a pile of Nerf gadgets ten years deep. This could take a while.
Ben w-lfs-n is a charming fellow. He is kwashiorkor-negative and "kwashiorkor"-positive. He enjoys King Crimson, pie, and aesthetics.
Ben w-lfs-n is a charming fellow.
Let me get my hands on your mammary glands!
"Ben w-lfs-n" is a deliberate corruption of "BHWH", known as the bentagrammaton. Do not utter it lightly.
Ben w-lfs-n is a perv. "King Crimson" is the name he gave his penis. He is an occasional consumer of protein.
"King Crimson" is the name he gave his penis.
My tumescent, incandescent, rubescent, sweet-scented, fertile crescent!
You should be more quiescent, woman.
So Ben, is an About page in the works or are you opting to remain aloofly mysterious?
An about page consisting of a link to this thread might be in the works.
It is my belief no man ever understands quite his own artful dodges to escape from the grim shadow of self-knowledge.
"Man?" I thought Ben was barely pubescent.
I suppose I could have changed "man" to "one", but that's not how it appears in the original.
Disqualified. I've already used that one.
Too much more of this, and I'll long to be convalescent.
Perhaps I can indicate my maturity in another way, by saying I have proof I am the opposite of glabrescent.
My tumescent, incandescent, rubescent, sweet-scented, fertile crescent!
Crescent?
Not just the soil but also the seed is fertile.
Yes, that's right. Soil. I said it.
I am in thrall to the stinking rose, after all.
Its iridescent shine and pearlescent luster.
74: That would be mixing the two dirts, I believe.
But the pleasure in B's comment remained, and wasn't lessened.
We're in a rut so deep, we could hang posters. Time for a new rhyme.
I often find off-rhymes not a little pleasant.
We're in a rut so deep, we could hang posters
You know, I heard you say something like this last night. Where was it? Oh yeah, The Mineshaft.
Apo, ATM, I'm going to take your pawn en passant.
ben please do about page misery put out of us thank you
Now is the winter of Standpipe's discontent.
"pissant" does not rhyme at all with "pleasant", not even femininely, on account of the stresses. Now, this is a good example of feminine rhyme.
I actually don't get the "peanut" comment.
tomorrow is m'last day at work! and I'm a little tipsy! and I'll be quite drunk tomorrow!
Before a baby can eat solid foods, you have to wean it.
If you'd seen The Princess Bride, the meaning might not be immediately obvious, but you'd be able to glean it.
If you want to know what the seed of the French Revolution was, you have to glean it.
No good, Ben, already used.
I have seen it.
when I lie on my side, I have to lean it.
text, I'm at a loss for what's up with your decision to leave your job, would you care to elaborate in a way that I might glean it?
It hadn't been used when I composed my comment, b. Curse this slow site response! Utterly disappointing's how I deem it.
And, previously, Tia: dammit.
All good thoughts have been thunk and expressed before I get there. You guys are hogging the hive mind.
Utterly disappointing
Just what I said when you tried to ream it.
the comments are too slow, putting Chops in a live bind.
Apo: hold still, I'm about to cream it.
once in a while, in the eighties, I used to charlie sheen it.
Is that related to Porky Piggin' it?
More obscure sexual metaphors: figgin' it.
do I want to know what that means, ben?
I was going to follow the charlie sheen line with another about weaning myself off the charlie sheening, but that would have pwned me. awful.
if you do it standing up, you're john riggin' it.
B, Remember the scene? It
Was on the boat, after the kidnapping, before the ravine; It had Vizzini, full of spleen; it
Was a show of wit so keen; it
Reminded one of Dowd, Maureen; it
Rhymed every word; Fezzik and Inigo'd drunk too much caffeine; it
Contained the line "Anybody want a peanut?"
Which completed, "No more rhyming now, I mean it."
Tom and Val, behind the scenes, were upside-down-mig-ing it.
Why is it Porky Piggin' it? Why not Donald Duckin' it? I would think that would lend to better rhymes.
It must just be apostropher's fondness for all things porky.
Tia, I remembered after Chopper privately proclaimed it.
I don't think I expected to find the answer at the Washington Monthly.
Only from this thread.
I can't say I blame Standpipe.
I am tired of all this leaving. so the chips are down. so we aren't very funny tonight. real men don't leave.
Whether or not SB is any kind of man at all is an open question, you know.
I'm tired of all this ambiguity. We should just put it to a vote, and assign SB a nominal gender. Let's create some reality. With enough votes, it could be 64.6% masculing, 33.2% feminine, 2.2% don't know/no opinion/don't care
No, Standpipe is Standpipe. There is no reason to put people in boxes. We love Standpipe for Standpipe's own Standpipeselfness.
Would we love Standpipe less, if Standpipe had an assigned gender? Are we genderists? And we'd be putting SB 56% in one box and 33% in another box, perhaps.
Some people just can't handle ambiguity, can they.
139: which is why standpipe, although real, has had no difficulty in leaving.
And, although Standpipe has said goodbye from this thread, I must say that I smile all of the time walking through NYC seeing all of the "standpipe" signs. I must walk past 20 of them just on the way to work. There's one right outside the door of my apartment, even. Someday, if I get really ambitious, I should take a picture of every standpipe sign I pass in a day. I suppose that would be either really cute or really creepy but I haven't quite figured out which.
I don't know if we'd be putting standpipe in a box, or if we'd be. I'll stop.
For a second I thought 134 was going to lead to a compromising picture of Kevin D.
It was by association to actual standpipes that I mistakenly assumed SB was masculine. Somehow I'd have expected a woman to be Standpipette.
93: _
Also, does this mean you're about to move to Nashville? Congratulations.
Ben w-lfs-n is the son of the wolf's son.
I have compromising pictures of Kevin D! Insofar as you agree that his posing in a USC sweatshirt next to a guy wearing a Texas sweatshirt is compromising.
Somehow I'd have expected a woman to be Standpipette.
I'd suck on that pipette.
Also, posing in a USC sweatshirt is compromising simpliciter.
Ben w-lfs-n is the son of the wolf's son.
Or, grandson of the wolf.
156 -- You've got to watch your friends play golf,
Beatniks are learning how to rolf, yeah,
Wo-oh, must be the grandson of the wolf.
When I look...
I'd suck on that pipette.
That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me, Ben.
Hmm, if I would be Standpipe Bridgeplate but for disliking Sufjan Stevens, and Ben would be Standpipe Bridgeplate but for some unknown quality, is it possible that I am Ben w-lfs-n?
There's a little Standpipe Bridgeplate in all of us, Tia -- Jeremy was heard to make this remark as he put on his jacket after the 4th annual Unfo Feast, where the entree was Standpipe Bridgeplate.
Doh! Forgot you are vegan. Sorry, did not intend to offend.
Osner, you're worred Tia was offended at your cannibalism joke because she's vegan? That just seems a little...off.
We have not yet determined whether Standpipe Bridgeplate is made of meat.
Tia—probably not.
(Warning: Link to Innocence.)
I thought we solemnly passed out little pieces of Standpipe like communion wafers?
162 -- Well it seems like a wider gulf separates the vegans and the meat eaters, than separates the non-cannibalistic meat eaters and the cannibals, doesn't it?
Nevertheless the appetizers were amazing, attendees raved, and in particular the cocktail Weiners.
(That link, BTW, not so easy to find due to our Muslim friend calling them "crackers". Betcha can't eat just one!)
All the numbered interreferences in the "Innocence" thread are off by one. I suspect someone approved a quarantined comment.
The secret of happiness may have been snuch by in that quarantined comment. But which one is it?
167 seems highly debatable to me.
170: Oops - that would be my bad. It was this comment of mine that contained five links.
I will let you get the secret of happiness and then delete it shortly, since (like so much else on that thread) it was a throwaway.
171 -- so go 'head. See I am figuring, the difference between vegans and meat eaters is that one eats animal flesh, the other does not. Pretty categorical. But the difference between non-cannibal meat-eaters and cannibals is much more subtle -- one abstains from a particular species of animal flesh while the other will eat that species in addition to the others that they eat in common.
It was this comment of mine that contained five links.
If they were pork-sausage links, then that would be the secret of happiness.
Damn, but that would be a stupid debate, mainly because its resolution would require agreeing on some relevant vector of similarity/difference.
Veganism and cannibalism: natural bedfellows.
Happiness! I like those links. Perhaps you could preserve them for posterity somewhere?
173--It's just that I think that the taboo against eating other humans would break down for vegans maybe just a little bit more slowly than for standard (non-culturally cannibalistic) meat-eaters.
This discussion reminds me of the most inappropriate exchange I witnessed in a grad seminar full of 'em. We were discussing the shipwreck scene in B's Don Juan, and for some reason the crazy old coot of a professor thought it necessary to go around the room and ask each of us: "Would you eat the tutor?" Most of us understood the point--that civilized sensibilities aren't worth much compared to death--and answered yes after a second or two. And then this one girl, quite offended, answered "No." The professor asked: "Why?" And when she answered, "Because I keep kosher," he just erupted in laughter. (As he had unusually long, blackened, and snaggly teeth, his laughter was really something to behold.)
Perhaps you could preserve them for posterity somewhere?
Problem solved. The comment has been magically moved from #85 to #1354 and the original numbering has been restored. Man, dealing with that post from the MT control panel is sloooow going.
Ben w-lfs-n is so gay, he ain't that gay.
ogged said it first, and better.
Yeah, I noticed that. He forgot to add that Ben w-lfs-n is a hoagie-munching loner.
