He didn't have his umbrella with him?
No.
(Is that from a different one? It sounds sort of familiar. Email it to me if it is (but don't tell me what happened!))
I think I've heard this one or a close variant, but I don't know how to be sure unless I ask a question that gives it away. Alas.
3: In some sense, I guess you could say yes, but not because it tasted bad.
It was poisoned with a neurotoxin that made him want to kill himself. Something like the parasites in rats that make them unafraid of cats.
Tia, check your email. I think I know this one.
5: no. 7: no. SP, you can email me if you want. Tia@unfogged
Does his wife/girlfriend/lover work in the restaurant?
Tia, my 7 was tongue-in-cheek. I'm spreading disinformation.
This might seem silly, but when you say "shoots himself" do you mean that he killed himself?
I figured, tweedle, esp. since you sent me the right answer, but I'm just going to take everyone seriously on this thread to indicate that the game is very, very serious.
I know! He realized he was illegal carrying his concealed weapon in a bar in Texas, and would rather have died than face the prison rape or whatever that this promised.
14 -- Woo-hoo! This sounds to me like an explicit license for everybody to dream up the zaniest stuff they can in hopes of penetrating Tia's solemn affect.
he realises everyone else in the restaurant is laughing at him for pronouncing it "abaloney" and his Gatsbyesque attempts to join high society are doomed to failure.
I've always heard this using albatross instead of abalone, but what restaurant serves friggin' albatross?
21: I'll say yes to that, if by funny you mean, other than what he expected.
Did the funny taste of the abalone indicate a death of importance to him?
He is deathly allergic to seafood, and intended to order "Baloney", but stuttered before the first syllable, so instead they gave him Abalone, which is something he never heard of. After realizing that he just ate seafood, he ponders his options, and decides to shoot himself before the agonizing death by anaphylaxis can occur.
Was the death of importance the death of a human being?
23: Perhaps albatross is served here?
He did not know he was allergic to seafood and has just shat himself. Honour demands he does the decent thing.
Did he find a ring, or some other unexpected object, in the abalone?
Was the death of a blood relation?
The man know the person of whose death he was made aware by eating the abalone?
I think I know, but I don't want to put the answer on the thread. Will email to see if I'm right. Also it reminds me of something in C.S. Lewis's The Silver Chair and also of an SF short story, so Gary Farber ought to have no trouble getting this.
42: no
43: yes, but I just want to say to be careful with the phrases "indicate" and "made aware." I said yes to a question with "indicate" and I'd say yes to "made aware."
Did he shoot himself out of unhappiness?
Dammit, I have to go soon, and I will be off the 'net most of the day. Andrew, I'm counting on you.
46- was the abalone in the shape of Jesus and he had three bites before his sin was revealed?
49: no, that's a different one, Cala, and also a good one. next friday, maybe.
50: no
48: yes
44: yes
Speaking of games, there was a cool interview (for those of us in/who-used-to-be-in the tech field in Make magazine this month. Here's a copy.
Does it matter that it was abalone specifically? Does it matter that it was a crustacean?
Had he known about the death before eating the abalone?
Was the different taste of the abalone one associated with the person who had died while the person was living?
Was his lover a changeling that turned into abalone?
I'm completely at sea on this one Matt
54: Not just any food would have made him shoot himself no, but you could set this up with a different kind of food.
Also, emr, got it, so props to him (her)?
Did he shoot himself out of unhappiness that a particular person had died?
Isn't there some rule forbidding the use of C.S. Lewis novels in these games?
Did he expect bad consequences if he continued to live?
(I'm assuming that 48 means that it is not the case that he had murdered someone, and the taste of the abalone somehow indicated that they had begun to fish the grotto where he had disposed of the body, and so he would soon be found out.)
55: yes
56: if I'm parsing that right, no.
This is kind of reminding me of a story, I'm trying to dig it out of the cesspool of my memory, a man -- I think he is Greek? Brings a guest into his house, the guest (he doesn't recognize him) bears a longstanding animus toward the host, and contrives to kill the host's children and serve them to him at a banquet. Host eats his children thinking they are non-human animal product, then discovers hsi mistake and kills himself in a frenzy of grief. But it does not quite fit because there is no restaurant or firearms in the original. though there may have been abalone -- I do nt remember.
60, no.
62: yes, but there are lots of different kinds of "bad consequences."
64: That's Titus Andronicus, and whatever source material it came from.
Did he shoot himself out of remorse?
Had he killed the person whose death we have been talking about?
66 -- the implicit question was extraneous to this thread and was ably answered by LizardBreath.
Did the man realize he was really Charlie the Tuna and had just eaten the Little Mermaid?
54- Abalone is a crustacean? It's not a fish? Um... I think I need some time to myself- goodbye, everyone.
Did the abalone (taste of) remind him of the death?
Did it make him aware that he had caused the death?
Did the abalone taste funny because of the way they were prepared?
Did the abalone taste funny because something was added to them?
Did the abalone taste funny because of where they were harvested?
Isn't that the source of the curse on the house of Atreus?
Did helearn something by eating the abalone?
Isn't that the source of the curse on the house of Atreus?
Did the taste of the abalone restore a memory he had lost?
The abalone made him recall where lay the Snowdens of yesteryear.
Would the abalone have tasted funny to someone else?
Had the man been eating something earlier that he believed to be abalone, and has now discovered to have been something else?
Was he previously aware that the dead person was dead?
I feel like I'm interviewing with Microsoft.
When there was only one set of footprints, was he carrying the abalone?
Is there a clue in the word "abalone"?
Also, the version of this set up I learned years ago has the protagonist going into a restaurant and ordering a platypus sandwich.
And was that someone else a loved one?
78 -- thanks, yes. I am thinking of the story of Tantalus and Pelops, and getting it backwards into the deal. However it may be that Titus Andronicus occured more as aI am misremembering the story of Tantalus and Pelops.
Had the dead person died recently?
Did the man find what he had thought to be abalone in the ocean?
103: Not that relevant. I'll say yes.
104: no
Was the man served what he had thought to be abalone at someone's home?
Well, I've run out of time. But...
Was the pseudo-abalone served to the man by anyone?
Does the man own the restaurant?
Was the man previously served what he had thought to be abalone at this restaurant? At another restaurant?
Does the man's wife own the restaurant where the pseudo-abalone was served?
Does the husband of the man's lover own the restaurant where the pseudo-abalone was served?
Is what he ate immediately before he shot himself abalone?
Was the pseudo-abalone served to the man in a prison?
Was the pseudo-abalone consumed by the man while stranded somewhere?
Had he thought that abalone was a fish before he ordered it?
116: yes
117: no, he knows abalone is shellfish.
59: Yay! I have to say, though, I didn't do what others are doing and patiently tease out the supporting reasons why that must be the answer. I just assumed we'd be shown the chain of logic later.
I've heard this before as part of a great story in the Granta food issue.
120: well, if you can guess it by intuiting, that's great. The goal is to figure out the answer, not to ask as many questions as possible. I think Andrew basically knows the whole story at this point, so we can give him some number 2 props. Poor Weiner, I feel bad he had to leave. Maybe we should schedule the next one.
You could delete the comment thread and let Weiner & others have a shot later, no?
I don't want to delete the thread, but I could put up a new one and warn people away from this one. Okay, I'll put a warning in the post.
When he shoots himself, does he do so to ward off an even more unpleasant death?
I think I know the basic answer also; just not every detail of the circumstances.
Is the man intoxicated (or otherwise druggily mood-altered) at any point in the course of the story? E.g., at the end when he kills himself?
Had the man earlier been served a strange dish by someone who might have murdered his child, and been told it was abalone?
Had he eaten it with relish?
131: I mean "enjoyment," rather than "relish". Relishes would not in the circumstances improve the story. "I ate my baby with mayonnaise" adds little to a mood of tragedy.
Andrew -- do you mean pickle relish or onion relish?
I don't know what abalone looks like, but this is unfogged. Are we working towards a cock joke?
Did the man realize he'd been pwned?
I think I sort of have the idea.
Does he kill himself because what he ate earlier wasn't abalone?
did the man suppose he had eaten any relative, or portion of a relative, when he shot himself.
Got it! As he was eating the abalone, in a sudden flash of revelation he came to understand the meaning of existence, and his place in the universe. And realized that holding such knowledge made him unfit to continue to exist.
Was the un-abalone a human part?
Did the man realize he had eaten a human being earlier, supposing it to be abalone?
Okay, got it more or less I think. I feel there's a pop culture/literature reference I should be getting in a flash of insight, but I'm not.
Since I haven't a clue about the puzzle, I'll lead off in the other direction. Is it true Pacific Abolone must measure 7 inches or they must be thrown back?
Was it someone he knew?
Was it part of himself?
Did he cause the person's death and not know it, until eating the actual abalone made him realize the chain of events?
136, 143 -- You could say we are laboring Sisyphus-like toward a cock joke.
Can 145 and 146 both be true? I mean, did he eat a whole human?
If not, was the bit of the human important?
In other words, is this a long-winded cock joke?
If this is a cock joke, the German cannibal who ate the guy's cock said it was tough. You'd expect that. My suggestion is that you use a recipe for tongue, which as I recall requires marinating and / or pounding.
Or, of course, the recipe for this. (Picture courtesy of The Valve; the valve is on the right).
marinating, pounding, tongues ... is the world ready for the Mineshaft cookbook?
In other news, who is Andrew Brown and why is he stealing all my thunder?
said it was tough. You'd expect that.
Depending on the source, that is.
I guess the answering questions portion of the thread is over.
What, it's only 10-15 minutes since her last answer -- cut a little slack huh?
Who is that command directed toward, Joe?
151.1: yes
151.2: no
151.3: no
It's an advantage to be many timezones away, so I can knock off work and pay here with a clear conscience.
I can tell you this: Andrew Brown is not my brother of the same name, but reading his name here is disconcerting every damn time.
Andrew Brown is not "Andrew Brown", but another commenter of the same name.
Thanks tweedle. I had to go make some copies, sorry.
oh fuck. unveiled. pwned I mean. whoever I am.
Dude! I've heard good things about your "Darwin Wars."
He's been commenting here for a year.
tia -- this may be obvious by now but I am particularly dense and at sea. Did the man kill himself because after tasting the restaurant's abalone, he came to understand that the stuff he had eaten previously was not abalone? I don't see how just knowing that something you had eaten previously was not what you thought it was, would be reason to go to such lengths. Did realizing that it had not been abalone somehow carry with it an understanding of what it had in fact been, and that was something gross enough to inspire suicide?
Did the man kill himself because after tasting the restaurant's abalone, he came to understand that the stuff he had eaten previously was not abalone?
yes
Did realizing that it had not been abalone somehow carry with it an understanding of what it had in fact been, and that was something gross enough to inspire suicide?
yes.
I only answer yes or no questions, Osner. If you want to know without playing, reading the thread carefully should explain this to you, but I'm happy to keep on answering questions, because I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
It's really distracting when you say things like this, Tia. Please be considerate-- I have to get some work done.
I'm sure we could figure out a way for you to mullti-task, Labs.
So: at the risk of making you repeat above answers which I did not understand, was the thing which he had eaten previously thinking it was abalone, a human body part? Separate question: did the person who served him the thing under discussion intentionally mislead him into thinking that thing was abalone?
at the risk of making you repeat above answers which I did not understand, was the thing which he had eaten previously thinking it was abalone, a human body part?
yes
did the person who served him the thing under discussion intentionally mislead him into thinking that thing was abalone?
yes
The man had been tricked into eating his child or other loved one, thinking it was abalone. Having eating abalone, he realized what had happened and shot himself.
This has begun to remind me of another thread.
This is tiring... what time will the answer be posted?
180: no to child. That's basically it but there's slightly more to the scenario that Andrew teased out.
Right? Did I miss something?
It doesn't completely make sense.
Was the person who served him the human body part and led him to belive it was abalone, responsible for the death of the person who the body part used to belong to?
What? No it shouldn't. Man you guys are getting testy.
Tia, the only question left is whether it was his own. But in that case he might, you know, have noticed.
OK -- so he comes round after the accident and is served a special meal. Is that right?
In Thailand there were all these jokes about "feeding the ducks" a few years ago.
I'm guessing the man is recently back from being, um, Lost.
But this is still a pretty stupid puzzle, because the backstory which I'm guessing forms the right answer isn't well-enough connected to the events in the puzzle. Boo hiss.
190: No, it wasn't his own.
191: The first sentence of 191 is more or less right, but the rest of it is the sharper that a serpent's tooth ingratitude of a blog reader. You only come to understand an Ogged until you've blogged a mile in his shoes. I hate you all.
After the guy shoots himself, does the waiter then say, "I've seen other customers react badly when I bring them the wrong dish, but damn!!!"
183: Well, is there enough of a twist that it will be worth fifty more of these questions? Because I don't see a lot of cock jokes.
He woke up one day without his penis. Thinking it would show up eventually, he went down to breakfast where his friend served him what he said was abalone, and he loved it.
Days later, still hoping that his penis would show up somewhere sooner or later, he decided to have abalone again. But it didn't taste right at all, and suddenly it dawned on him what he had eaten.
But rather than trying to figure out a different source for tasty penii, as a rational person would ahve done, he gave up on life.
193: no
194: Well, you should understand why someone would have served him human flesh and called it abalone, which has mostly been answered. The story is improbable, but it's not nonsensical.
195: no
I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
That was a Damon Knight reference?
Can I ask questions to help them along, given that, as mentioned above, I've previously heard a version of this?
196: I'm totally not buying that, eating abalone and thinking it tastes different from the abalone he ate last time, he jumps to the conclusion that the last time had actually been human flesh. There are any number of alternate explanations for the difference in flavor -- perhaps the one last time was going off, or had been prepared poorly. FTM why couldn't the previous one be abalone and this one be human flesh/whatever? Rather than shooting himself he could complain to the chef, "This tastes nothing like abalone! What are you guys, trying to sell me some weak imitation abalone?! I demand a refund! Whaddaya think, I'm a cannibal?"
I'm having the same leap-of-faith problems that Jeremy describes in 201.
Okay, okay: I have a new story in mind. Same set up, I'm answering questions.
17 - yes
19 - no
43 - yes
46 - yes
47 - no
53 - yes, yes, and no
74 - definitely no
114 - of course
116 - no
118 - yes
123 - no
Okay now figure out the answer.
I was expecting a puzzle more of the "what color is the bear" variety -- a one-line answer that explains the whole situation.
We could also play "Animal, Vegetable, Genital".
Or "Rock, Paper, Genital" -- that might be fun.
201, 202: Maybe he already had buried suspicions, and eating the abalone was confirming something he hadn't wanted to face previously.
Washerdreyer, go for it. there's not much mystery left at this point.
D'oh! I mean of course, "Cock, Paper, Scissors".
Did an accident, possibly a transportation accident, lead to him being stranded somewhere? (I know stranded was mentioned, but it's been sort of dropped)
Did he suffer any dimunition of his senses in the accident?
208: In that game, doesn't "scissors" win every time?
Urple -- many of your answers are not to questions. Is this intentional?
211: Goddammit, Osner, don't give it away already. Some of us are still trying to figure it out.
209.1 yes
209.2 actually, no, not in my version. I always pictured the captain just keeping what he was doing a secret. But that would work too.
211- well, not to obvious questions perhaps. But all of life is a question on some level or another. My game is not as easy as Tia's.
Wait, is this a plotline from a TV show??
210 -- think about it -- I'm pretty sure you would win if you threw "Cock" and your opponent threw the open hand which represents "Paper". Paper covers cock but this is not at all a bad thing for the cock -- indeed it is win-win.
215: Not that I know of. In fact, I could tell you something funny about who I got this game from, except that would be a Tia Indiscretion Error at my own expense.
216 - okay, so paper-cock is win-win. But I think MAE's point still stands: scissors win every time.
218 -- all depends what you're into I guess.
Jeremy are you claiming your cock would win a battle with a pair of scissors?
The cock could practice assymetric warfare and disappear into a dark crevice.
No I'm just sayin. The enlightened player of Cock, Paper, Scissors will go for the maximum payback, which is available by throwing paper or cock rather than scissors.
Paper covers cock but this is not at all a bad thing for the cock -- indeed it is win-win.
Depends on the paper. Flypaper? Sandpaper?
Also, in games of this sort, when both players throw the same thing, it is generally considered a draw. But what about when both players choose cock? Win-win? Lose-lose? Win-lose? Is hand-stretching allowed?
Flypaper? Sandpaper?
Neither -- it is rather a fleshy simulacrum of paper.
But what about when both players choose cock?
Then comes the penis fencing.
Hello? Supply room? This is Mr. Alter Ego on the 5th floor. Can you order us a couple of reams of fleshy simulacrum paper? Bill it to Marketing. Thanks.
Could the man, in fact, taste the abalone?
Whoa, someone's still playing? Yes, he could taste it.
If I am not mistaken, and I haven't googled to find out, abalone look a lot like pussy.
Therefore, I conclude that the man had been shipwrecked on a desert island with his wife, lover, girlfriend, whatever, and had survived b/c she served him "abalone."
Part of you looks like that? Are you sure?
Now that would be sastisfactory twist.
Therefore, I conclude that the man had been shipwrecked on a desert island with his wife, lover, girlfriend, whatever, and had survived b/c she served him "abalone."
And the man had sold his pocketwatch to buy her a hairbrush, right?
Oh, wait. Different story. Sorry.
Now the thread is over
I'm so tired
Then I see you coming
Out of nowhere
Much communication in a motion
Without conversation or a notion
Abalone
You know, I could be wrong. And I have no idea how one small meal would save a man's life, or how it is that he wouldn't have recognized the mutilation after they were rescued.
238: That pussy doesn't look so healthy.
I have to wonder if no one's having guessed that before me means that the men here have never seen pussy, or that they've never eaten shellfish.
And, apo., how about this one? The one on the left is diseased; on the right, healthy.
I would if I could, Tia. I would if I could.
the men here have never seen pussy
Of course not. If you look directly at one, you'll turn to stone.
That's it, this blog relationship is over.
You have to use one of those pinhole things, like when there's a eclipse.
You have to use one of those pinhole things, like when there's a eclipse.
You can also use a webcam.
Perhaps. I haven't been willing to chance it since I caught a sideways glance at one and felt the hardening process begin. Luckily, it went away.
For the record, it was not his wife's pussy that he ate. I mean, at some point he probably at his wife's pussy, but she never called it abalone. It was a shipmate of his who died in the shipwreck. The captain cooked up the body on the other side of the island and called it "abalone."
it was not his wife's pussy that he ate
There was another woman on the boat?
And you could add in that he'd never seen pussy before the shipwreck, since, after all, he *was* a sailor.
This may be a silly question, but does this scenario strike anyone as even remotely psychologically plausible? Is there any record of suicidal remorse among survivor-cannibals?
Well, there are people who have starved to death *rather* than engage in cannibalism, so it's not *entirely* implausible. The proper question would be, is there any record of suicidal remorse among *unwitting* survivor-cannibals?
Shiver me timbers, Apostropher!
That isn't particularly relevant or funny, but it's fun to say.
I think we're paring it down to a pretty small sample population. The standard error on this is going to be enormous.
Oh, but to be sure it follows a power-law function.
but it's fun to say
Shiver me timbers, Apostropharrrrr!
Well, there are people who have starved to death *rather* than engage in cannibalism
Oh, yeah, but now the buckshot is already in his face, as it were.
So why did he bring his gun to the restaurant?
In case the abalone turned out to be somthing other than what he had been served before.
Because he had just turned 40, and weight of the gun pressed reassuringly against his ribs as he sat at the table and ordered abalone and a shot of McKendrick, straight up.
No, I don't understand why he shot himself either. I mean, it's not gay if you eat it with a knife and fork.
Doesn't it depend on whether the knife is a 2 1/2 inch butter knife with a floral pattern handle, or a more manly 2 pound meat cleaver? Doing it to the hilt isn't as meaningful with a short blade. Good knives have more tang, even if you use apostrophes in dialect: butt'r.
