Re: Coffee turns you gay!

1

Headline should have been "Coffee makes you perky."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:26 PM
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I was going to say "Coffee turns you Mexican!" But I thought it might be too oblique for a title.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:28 PM
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3

"Coffee makes you perky."

It made this guy a drip.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:35 PM
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4

Bob Jones' new motto: "I was out there loving someone when I could have surrendered my youth to the people I feared."


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:41 PM
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3: But Starbucks is making people consume gayness! Also, it was apparently a humanitarian decision because BJ gave Starbucks plenty of time to apologize for not disapproving of teh gay sex, and they still didn't apologize! Obviously, they have an agenda of treating gay people like they're human, and they won't even act ashamed about it. So really, BJ didn't have a choice in the matter. And there's nothing funny at all about calling your school BJ over and over again. BJ.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:54 PM
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The cups were never even used on the BJ campus.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:57 PM
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7

Did BJ the Bear Jumping Bear Jumper go to Bob Jones?


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:58 PM
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8

That's not the point. The point is to be morally pure.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 10:59 PM
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9

BYU can whup Bob Jones in moral purity any day of the week. My BYU-attending cousins still know the arguments against Mountain Dew by heart.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:19 PM
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10

Videlicet?


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:24 PM
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11

Videlicet?

Nancy-boy.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:29 PM
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And yeah, I'm sure BYU wouldn't settle for no "It's permissible to bring the coffee on campus." (I wanted to report that I discovered that it was possible to carry a cup of coffee across Temple Plaza in peace -- but why would I have been doing that? I don't drink coffee. I did finish reading this book in Temple Plaza -- I think I kept the cover hard to see, and certainly no one looked over my shoulder to discover that it was largely an extended bondage fantasy, though by the time I made it to Temple Plaza I think I was up to the meditation on the state and history of Scotland anyway.)


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:31 PM
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13

I'm so ashamed that a gentile like Weiner has better personal stories about Temple Square than I do.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:35 PM
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14

I always thought I should disambiguate the two sense of 'gentile' by using 'goy' and 'heathen'.

Also, it occurs to me that it could have been hot chocolate in a Starbucks cup.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:37 PM
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15

I like going to Utah because it's the only chance I get to be a gentile.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:40 PM
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(I know hot chocolate is OK, but onlookers would have had no way of knowing what it was. For hot chocolate in tha SLC, I recommend Cocoa Cafe on 9th South and approx. 3rd East. It's like a sundae in a cup.)


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:44 PM
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Also because the streets don't have names.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:45 PM
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In which respect it's like New York City, but not in some others.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:51 PM
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I'm so ashamed that a gentile like Weiner has better personal stories about Temple Square than I do.

I always thought I should disambiguate the two sense of 'gentile' by using 'goy' and 'heathen'.

What "two senses"? The Mormons are wrong.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:54 PM
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Yo! I am of the tribe of Ephraim! A Danville, CA patriarch said as much, who are any of us to disagree?

To be serious, coming to the realization that most Jewish people thought that Mormon historiography was insane was a Big Deal in my life. And, although my high school was approximately %40 secular Jewish, that realization only really hit home in college, and specifically in the Bible and Literature course of Ri/cha/rd E. Fr/ied/man. (To tie this comment into earlier threads, I recall getting a somewhat mediocre grade for that class despite its having blowing my mind.)


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-06 11:57 PM
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I am also of the tribe of Ephraim, so sayeth some dude in Texas.


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 12:01 AM
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I suspect that most white-ish American people get tapped as Ephraim-descended, frankly.

And yeah, Ben, of course the Mormons are wrong to appropriate "gentile" to mean "non-Mormon." What are you going to do about it now?

By "now" I mean the time when I plead fatigue and go to bed.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 12:05 AM
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I figured I'd go to bed myself.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 12:09 AM
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So now that BJ's has taken a strong position on this, can Oral be far behind?


Posted by: ogmb | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 12:17 AM
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Have I mentioned yet that the oft-linked photos of w-lfs-n resemble my very first boyfriend, the Honorable Jesse Jackson? (That's his name, sans honorific, of course; I presume no google-proofing is necessary.)

So: yeah baby! But until Ben can stop my Mormon tongue more effectively, I'm going to bed. Right. Now.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 12:28 AM
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But until Ben can stop my Mormon tongue more effectively, I'm going to bed. Right. Now.

Gimme four weeks and five days.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 12:53 AM
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27

So Antonio was a Mormon?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 1:19 AM
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3: No, no, he's against Starbucks for poor customer service. Obviously, if his handsome barista had given him the attention he asked for, he would have given them five stars. The barista could have even used the cup in question. But now he has to expose Starbucks for what it is.

There's also a famous synagogue in NYC named BJ's.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 3:26 AM
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29
from a man who supports a gay lifestyle

I haven't read the whole article, but isn't this just a scary way of saying "a gay man"?


Posted by: Matthew Harvey | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 4:55 AM
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30

yeah, if they "support a gay lifestyle" then you can say they're active sinners.

seems to me that it's good Starbucks withdrew from doing business with them. now, if the BJ people would just object to a few other of the accoutrements of modern living, such as wireless routers, Macs, fax machines, and oh, maybe airplanes, we'd never have to hear from them again!


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 6:02 AM
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29: Not necessarily. I'm not gay, but I support (and envy) several different versions of gay lifestyle.


Posted by: reuben | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 6:07 AM
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I think there's a difference between moral support and putting your body on the line to make sure the gay lifestyle continues to exist.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 6:51 AM
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a man who supports a gay lifestyle.

Don't people know who Armistead Maupin is? This is like banning The Jungle Book because it's "from a man who supports an imperialist lifestyle."

Or does knowing who Armistead Maupin is make you a decadent coastal elite? I've also read some works by writers who support a Negro lifestyle, you know. I may be dangerously cosmopolitan.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:08 AM
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34

slolernr is teh Mexighey!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:10 AM
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This is like banning The Jungle Book because it's "from a man who supports an imperialist lifestyle."

I'm not buying that analogy. Bob Jones did not ban Tales From the City (I'm sure that's been taken care of already, thanks very much), they banned Starbucks based on Starbucks' running a quote from Maupin -- what is the source of the quote? One of his books? -- it's more like [WARNING! INFELICITOUS ANALOGE ALERT] banning Disney "Jungle Book" merchandise based on an imperialist quote from Kipling. Or something.


Posted by: Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:23 AM
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That would be Greenville's alleged newspaper, not a BJ organ, that refers to "a man who supports the gay lifestyle." Presumably it's a conscious editorial decision to say "gay lifestyle"; probably it was a compromise between BJ's "homosexual lifestyle" and, I don't know, "Sodomite."


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:23 AM
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Damn -- the computer which edits my comments and posts warnings doesn't spell very well.


Posted by: Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:24 AM
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38

Osner, it doesn't matter what they're banning. My point was as to the identification. Maupin ought to be well-enough known that they could say, "from Armistead Maupin, author of Tales of the City and other gay-themed works."

Likewise, Kipling ought to be well-enough known that they could say, "Rudyard Kipling, author of many imperialist-themed works."

Will the analogy police let me go now?

Also, "the Mexighey" would make a heckuva business card.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:26 AM
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Will the analogy police let me go now?

They've already turned you out of the cell and focussed their attention and truncheons on me.


Posted by: Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 7:29 AM
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40

"Coffee turns you gay!"

It doesn't seem to be working. (It doesn't even seem to be waking me up, and I've been drinking it for two hours; I'm sure getting only four hours sleep has nothing to do with that.)

Do I need to add more milk, or make sure there's no milk, or something? Stir counter-clockwise? Use a gayer mug? Stare at pictures of men while sipping or gulping?


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 9:03 AM
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14: "I always thought I should disambiguate the two sense of 'gentile' by using 'goy' and 'heathen'."

That takes a lot of fun away from a Mormon addressing a Jew, as I noticed with a former-Mormon (now former-friend) friend circa 1978.


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 9:06 AM
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It doesn't seem to be working.

Not just any coffee, Gary. It has to be made from Starbucks' special gayspresso beans. That's why you pay extra.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 9:12 AM
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43

Coffee enemas, Farber.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 9:13 AM
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44

Stare at pictures of men while sipping or gulping?

Man, I'm trying to make a crack about "low hanging fruit" and I'm getting caught in some kind of self-referential joke vortex.


Posted by: Matthew Harvey | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 9:56 AM
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45

I've heard that most Starbucks now offer a free back, crack and sac wax after the purchase of any 10 caffeinated beverages.


Posted by: reuben | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 10:27 AM
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46

Oh, my god. Y'know, I'm not unwilling to undergo pain for personal ornamentation (hell, I had pierced nipples for about 5 years) but the very fucking thought of having that done has me shuddering. Some things are just not meant to be done. Is that really a thing?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 1:18 PM
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42: "Not just any coffee, Gary. It has to be made from Starbucks' special gayspresso beans. That's why you pay extra."

I'll never get gayer, then! Being forcibly cheap-ass (there's some LHing for ya), I stick to home-brew and freebie. How will I ever advance the Gay Agenda further?!?

No wonder I never liked Will And Grace. I haven't drunk enough Starbucks. Much becomes clear.

Maybe someday I'll find a cheap gayspresso machine for sale at a gay garage sale. Meanwhile I'll just try to keep my pinky extended when I drink my heteroffee and hetea, to compensate.

I did finally wake up, pretty much by virtue of hiking out to the supermarket and hauling back some "food," and then by finally re-arranging some Apartment Crap, which involved lifting the Awkward-Placed heavy-ass tv without herniating myself, so as to get to the incredibly awkwardly placed Storage Spot, and thus finally putting said Crap into it. Almost all of my floor (not occupied by furniture) is now actually visible, which is a shocking change for the better, and it's only taken me two and a half years in this apartment to get to this point.

Gosh, that was fascinating, wasn't it? I think I'll have another cup of coffee now.

44: "Man, I'm trying to make a crack about 'low hanging fruit' and I'm getting caught in some kind of self-referential joke vortex."

What, it's sucking you down?


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 5:37 PM
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48

[redacted]


Posted by: [redacted] | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 9:21 PM
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49

I like my mugs capacious. However: my favorite mug is slim, and bears the name of a law firm with which I have no relations, other than to enjoy their mug.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-22-06 10:54 PM
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"I'd click the paypal button if it would make you gayer, Gary."

Yeah, but whose paypal button? And that's a cute euphemism, I must say. How often do you "click the paypal button," FL?

Now, if you'd click my PayPal button if it would make me gayer, how do I go about showing you teh required gaiety?

Because I'll do a fair amount of whoring for cash, honest I will. I still have a dream of buying a toaster oven, so as to have some sort of non-microwave oven at all. For instance.


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 12:20 PM
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Dutch ovens are free. Though not nearly as fun when cooking for one.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 12:22 PM
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i had sworn to stay clear of this site until the hidden imam of unfogged -- aka the great and glorious ogged, who's apparently up to sumpin unsavory behind that curtain -- reappeared, but this is too important. when will we realize that the u.s. is only a few hundred thousand loonies/morons short of a fundamentalist revolution? these people want to turn us into iran, for [insert appropriate god's name her]'s sake.

i don't like that idea at all, though LB would probably be quite fetching in a hijab. so, for that matter, would w-lfs-n


Posted by: peter snees | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 4:47 PM
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Oh lordy, now they're trying to reclaim the rainbow. Can't the gays have any fun? [via]


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 7:18 PM
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(Besides all of the hott sexx that is)


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 7:20 PM
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"Dutch ovens are free."

They are?

Can I heat/cook frozen foods in them? Can I at last have fish-sticks again?


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 7:42 PM
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Can I at last have fish-sticks again?

I'll let you decide.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-23-06 7:44 PM
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