Ha! My gynecologist is a stern German nurse practioner who likes to deliver VD test results one at a time. "Chlamydia! [pause] Negatiff. Gonorrhea! [long pause] Negatiff. Haitch. Ahee. Fee. [longest pause] Negatiff!" She's terrifying.
Damn, AWB, that's hilarious. The guy I go to is one of those distracted and too smart for his own good types who babbles absentmindedly. I forget how it came up, but I said something about a number of people in our contraception discussion saying positive things about the ring, which led to him distractedly saying something like "Oh yeah, that's a great advance. It's perfectly safe to keep it in for three weeks -- no worries about toxic shock or anything. As long as it's silicone, it's OK. For example, sometimes when women give birth, their uterus will fall out and we'll have to fit them with an appliance that expands to hold it in that they have to wear for the rest of their lives. They just have to take it out and wash it every few months or so." At this point, he looked up from the notes he was writing in my chart, saw the sheer look of absolute horror on my face, and started laughing his ass off. He concluded "perhaps I shouldn't share that information with the unmarried girls".
Ooh, I totally want to see your gynecologist.
Don't bother with that ring stuff -- the pull-out method is fail-safe.
Buh. Scary. This reminds me of the time I admitted my intense Jeremy Irons crush to my mother (I was 16) and she decided to "cure" me by making me watch Dead Ringers. All I heard her say was "hot ... Jeremy Irons ... steamy sex ... gynecologists ... twins" and two hours later, I excused myself, trembling, to my room, vowing never ever to go to a gynecologist for any reason.
6 to 2.
3: Deeelightful. The first time I had a pap by her, it was performed by a student from my uni, with the nurse looking over her shoulder saying, "Look at how white her flesh is! Look how pink it gets!"
I am now going back into the mode in which I withhold some things about myself.
The German OBGYN I saw told me I had a beautiful cervex and explained the German phrase about the "mother's mouth" or was it "world's mouth"? Anyway, he was very nice...
{I think this thread makes it official: The King is Dead, Long live the Queens!}
I can't remember which gyno I had that gushed about the beautiful pinkness of my cervix, but I found it kind of amusing, actually.
I also remember the gyno who would tell me about the tattoos and things that other patients had. So interesting!
12, was that OBGYN male or female? The German was the first male OBGYN I'd ever had, so the complimentary remarks on my cervex seemed particularly strange.
[Hi, ogged! At least we're not denouncing you as an insufficiently wonkish substitute for unf, right?]
I think he was male. The one who talked about the tattoos other patiens had was a mtf transsexual. The nurse practitioner who told me yogurt prevents yeast infections, bless her, was a woman.
A MTF transsexual gynecologist? How awesome is that?
Totally awesome, actually. She delivered PK.
My girlfriend said "she liked vaginas so much she had to have one!"
"She," in that sentence, referring to the gyno. Not the girlfriend, who as far as I know, had a vagina from birth.
I had a gynecologist once whose pap smear patter went like this, "Where's that cervix? I know it's in here somewhere! Here, cervix! Ah! There it is. Little bugger. Couldn't hide from me."
{I think this thread makes it official: The King is Dead, Long live the Queens!}
Somewhere, Ogged is weeping.
I for one welcome our new bwo/cwo overlords. Or should that be "overladies"?
Anyhow, this shit is priceless. Keep it comin'!
We knew all along that in the long run, Unfogged was going to turn out to be a feminist blog.
1 -- your gynecologist ought to be a judge on a reality TV show. That is exactly how they deliver their verdicts. Perhaps something along the lines of, "Who Wants To Be HIV-Negative?" or "Project Pap Smear".
I had a friend who read pap smears. It's a very difficult and stressful job, because there are a lot of tricky cases and the stakes are extremely high. As of 1000, anyway, as much an art than a science.
John, is your friend's name Methuselah?
Also, John, have you considered studying Colonial America?
The confluence of "Pappa Don't Preach" and gynecology have me thinking about a Weird Al-style takeoff song titled "Pappa Don't Smear".
"confluence" s/b "juxtaposition"
This thread is stale, but I have another question: is it the experience of the other ladies that docs and n.p.s who provide gynecologic care are, hands down, the best doctors? Sure there are some freaks, but by and large they seem more dedicated to patient education, more open to questions, more responsible, and more enthusiastic about the importance of their profession than pretty much any other professional I've ever worked with.
Or is it just me?
Or is it just me?
Maybe it's just your vagina that inspires their enthusiasm. Is there anything special about it?
Is there anything special about it?
"Look at how white her flesh is! Look how pink it gets!"
None of them have gone blind, if that's what you mean.
Three of my friends and I all have the same general practitioner, who is awesome. We were singing her praises over brunch one day and I asked if she had referred them all to the same gynecologist, too. They all looked at me quizzically and said that our GP just took care of their annual exams. At that point, I remembered that the GP said she wanted to refer me to a specialist for that because of a family history of breast and ovarian cancer, but for a fleeting minute I felt a little rejected.
29: This is exactly what I don't like about going to the gynecologist. When you go to your general practitioner, you usually get a "no, that's normal; that's how everyone is" response. Every time I've been to the gyno, I've gotten lots of weird comments about how special and unique I am. Now, I have friends who have truly unique girl-parts--set at odd angles, difficult to find, with bizarre protuberances--and I am not one of those girls. If everything's where it should be, why don't they just say, "Yup, looks normal!" I'm sure the Bitch is glad to know her cervix is a pretty princess pink and I'm happy to know I blush everywhere, but give me a break. It's too much to think about.
Oh, one more good gynecological tale:
A friend of mine in college was running from job to school to home, barely keeping it together. She realized, suddenly, that she had a gyno appointment in ten minutes and hadn't showered. She grabbed what she thought was aerosol "feminine spray" and went to town with it and hopped in the car. When the doctor saw her in the stirrups, she said, "My, aren't we pretty today!" She had grabbed her little sister's spray glitter on accident.
Whenever I imagine that doctor's face at that moment, I smile.
OT, (anything I said would be) but w/r/t feminine spray, isn't that the obverse of the product we were discussing earlier in the week? Back in the seventies, I remember a lot of discussion about how it was merely a new useless product to prey on women's insecurities. Overt advertizing disappeared, although I'll bet the product didn't.
I have heard many, many variations of this story.
36: Goddamn it! That story was the only good thing I got out of that friendship, and it was a fucking lie! I hate that girl so much. She also lied about not trying to sleep with my boyfriend at the time.
37: Of course no self-respecting woman uses that. Or douche, which, similarly, needs no advertisement. Some people will do anything to erase the cooch.