Oh no! You caught whatever's going around, too!
No actually, I just have my goddamned period. However, it managed to hit me so hard that I was seriously in danger of fainting before I got from the subway to my job--staggering, spots in front of my eyes, the whole bit. I lay down in the lounge for a couple of hours, and feel better, but I'm still not up to the grueling demands of Botticelli. Why is my period so obnoxious? Why?
I came up with an excellent character for botticelli-ing, but I am not available.
I'd do it again, if I'm allowed to after the Chatterton episode.
I've consulted with the committee, and they've ruled that you can proceed.
I need to confer with my own committe for a second.
6: My committee is faster than your committee.
7: How are you feeling?
Ok. Once again I'm not sure if this person is way too hard or way too easy. It begins with a K.
(Are you playing the My Alter Ego variation, or original style?)
8- I had a little old person come in to see me, and got a call from my boss while conferring with my committee.
8 - Mostly better. I think some much-needed time out of the office should get me the rest of the way there.
Why is my period so obnoxious? Why?
I blame Eve The Patriarchy.
Or w-lfs-n.
Do people often invoke your name when making their mark upon a spot?
Also, sorry you're feeling lousy, and hope you feel better soon. You too, Becks.
Oh, of course. I thought it was some pirate lore thing.
Are you opposed to "Esprit", "Coca-Cola", and "M & M"?
That's not quite what I said. Hey, I'm trying to think of a way to ask hard questions when I haven't really heard of anyone no one else has heard of.
Did proceeds from your textbook series allow you to install a pipe organ in your home?
Another first order: Do you play Tad on TV's All My Children?
Another first-order:
Are you the subject of a minimalist opera?
If definite descriptions count:
Do people recognize you by your facial expression wherever you go?
25- Proceeds from my textbook... hmm, Krugman?
26- I should know who plays Tad on All My Children, but I do not.
Still another first order:
Is a disease whose proximate cause is actually vitamin deficiency named for you?
(Michael E. Knight plays Tad. Also, did you ever answer the "Esprit" question? Are you stumped?)
Third or fourth:
Do you believe that some are superior by nature, and that morality is mere convention whose shackles should be thrown off?
You're not Don Knuth. I'll wait until you've answered the reality question to cash in my second-order question.
You're neither Klinghoffer nor the Knight of the Woeful Countenance (though you might think this one doesn't count). I will await defer to you as to whether the second counts, and wait for more answers before framing more questions.
Two questions: Were you born after 1850?
Are you from Europe?
32 -- ??? I thought Michael Knight was himself a fictional character, one played by David Hasselhoff.
Stumped on Esprit. I would say that the fictional characters should have proper names, but for now will allow the Knight of Woeful Countenance.
Did you often dress in women's clothes (though you were a man), but not because you particularly enjoyed it?
Have you been resurrected hundreds of times?
I actually think K of the W.C. is no good. He's a Q. That's just a nickname.
No, you're not Naomi Klein.
30- Thinking, "scurvy doesn't begin with a k...."
Well I still have the Europe question because of Klinghoffer.
I totally know what Tia's talking about in 30. I never have an opportunity to display this knowledge, and now, of course, it would be unfair.
If ac says she's stumped, you can tell her, w-lfs-n. Because that's just how generous I am.
Did you win the world chess championship by forfeit?
It's kwashiorkor.
33 and 42 still outstanding first-orders.
52: That actually wasn't the disease I was talking about. So many diseases caused by vitamin deficiency. Take your vitamins, boys and girls.
Did your disagreement with Benjamin Constant lead many to think your moral system was far too stringent?
I don't know who dressed as a woman. But if there are different avatars of Krishna, does that count as resurrection?
33 and 42 still outstanding first-orders.
, not to mention 28.
I am pronouncing ac stumped on my disease question. You're not Korsakoff. Corporal Klinger dressed as a woman. And I don't think having avatars counts as a resurrection, and besides, there are only 9, I thinnk. But I realized "hundreds" might be an overstatement, so I want to amend that to "scores" and give you a chance to answer, lest a charge of inaccuracy be leveled at me later.
Kalel during his experimentation with the evil side of superpowers, of course.
Before I ask the second orders I've racked up, "Are you alive?" is still outstanding.
Did you grow up to be the man of steel?
Oh wait nemmine, I missed 59.
Haven't I answered 63 already?
How many second orders do you want, Tia?
Is that hyphenated spelling still Kan-On?
It's not how many I want, it's how many I've earned. Once "are you alive" is answered, I've got one for Korsakoff, one for Klinger, and maybe one for the resurrection question.
Note that my answer to 33 may be based on one episode of Smallville. Which may be why I can't spell it.
No, I'm not alive.
I'd like a religion scholar consulted on the Krishna question. Or at least someone who pretends to know about religion. In the meantime, you have two.
Did you specialize in goofball characters on sitcoms of the mid-to-late 20th C.?
64
51- Kasparov?
That's a good guess, but Kasparov actually beat Karpov to become world champion.
Karpov became champion after Fischer refused to play.
I'm not even sure which episode of Smallville I'm referring to--maybe the red kryptonite one. Or maybe the one where Clark gets reborn or something (or resurrected!--wait, can I use Kal-el for that answer too?) and wakes up naked in a field.
Was 74 -> 73? Because if so it was not whom I was thinking of. But now I'm thinking 73 was probably too vague and should not be allowed. What think you?
Doesn't matter if it was who you were thinking of, only matter if it answers the question as phrased, no?
Oh is that the rule? Ok then we're good.
Should people not turn around when you're in town?
You should take a different 2nd order. I have already said I'm a man. (2nd order answers are bolded, so you can keep track.)
85- I want to say Billy the Kid, but don't know.
Disregard 85, it fails to meet your criterion in 40 now that I think about it.
(I had in mind Der Kommissar.
"No I am not Der Komissar." Sheesh.
87 -- oops! missed that one!
then.... are you are a writer?
Has an answer to 33 been attempted?
My dear Mr. w-lfs-n, kwashiorkor is actually caused not by a vitamin deficiency, but by a diet lacking in protein (though sufficient in overall calories).
Oh. I know nothing about Kal-El, so I'll trust that he actually thought that. (I was thinking of Kallikles.)
1st order -- did you consider tossed bricks a sign of affection?
Were you a pirate-hunter-turned-pirate?
Three first orders:
Were you the original force behind MAD Magazine?
Did you vanquish enemies by inhaling them into your gaping maw?
Are you a native to the Outworld and former bodyguard to Shao Kahn?
Did this entity in 102 consider thrown bricks—that is, any brick which had been thrown—or the act of throwing bricks a sign of affection? (I echo TMK's sentiments in 105.)
107 --- then I guess you're not Krazy Kat.
2nd order --- were you a scientist?
And you know I'm so likely to get the Outworld reference. Still thinking about the maw...
So, you aren't Harvey Kurtzmann. Are you saying you're stumped on the third question?
Second order: Are you an immigrant to a European country?
Stumped on third, yes.
No, I'm not an immigrant to Europe.
So, you aren't Kintaro. Are you an emigrant from Europe?
Were you shot in the back seat of a convertible?
Then what the swyve did you mean by "sort of from europe"?
Are you a developing country politician who recently got a chance to thumb his nose at the IMF?
123 -- I reckoned she probably meant she was from an island near Europe. Although this would make the usage "sort of from Europe" a bit strange.
Well, I'm sort of from Europe, sort of not. I could explain that further, but seems to give a lot away.
Some people might consider me a European, some people not.
You mean you're "from sort-of-Europe".
Does a song aver that you authored a publication about the temperature at which the typical man prefers to play a certain sport?
Or rather, that the report contained this information, among other things.
132- The only thing going through my head on reading that is Kelvin.
134: No you're not Kinsey.
(According to the Kinsey Report every average man you know/much prefers to play his favorite sport when the temperature is low)
Are you Russian?
2nd first order question:
Were you the tall blond original host of a now-popular evening cable show?
Sorry, JAC, was your 1st 1st order the leader Kenya, whatever his name is? I think that begins with a K.
No, I'm not Craig Kilbourn? (sp?)
Do you have a daughter named Bianca Montgomery?
Do you give up on 106.2?
First orders:
1. Do you have a percussive guitar style honed in the NYC subway system?
2. Are you a violist who records for ECM?
3. Did your fretless bass style help create a distinct sound for a New Wave band?
4. Are you equally reknowned for your ethnomusicological pursuits as for your experimental recordings?
5. Have you recorded a version of a Bacharach tune for accordion and voice?
6. Are you a komungo virtuouso?
7. Were you one of Frank Zappa's trick guitarists?
8. Did you set Rumsfeld's "unknown unknowns" speech to music?
9. Did you do the soundtrack for Rosemary's Baby?
Do you discourse on the ramifications of the drug war?
No, I'm not Elizabeth Montgomery? No, I'm not General Montgomery? (No idea.)
Hmm... I was actually thinking of Kirchner, the Argentinian president. I'll look into Jomo Kenyatta though, since I think that's who you're referring to.
Kandinsky?
correct!
did you lead the provisional government?
143: No, you're not Erica Kane (more from All My Children).
Are you a political figure?
I don't think I understand how to play this game.
It would be great if 1-9 of 141 all referred to the same person. (A person or persons unknown to me.)
Yes, I'm a political figure.
Is your sister's name anagrammable to a breath freshener?
138 - Doesn't look like Kenyatta ever had interactions with the IMF, especially as he died in '78 and the IMF didn't really start getting involved in developing country debt until the 80s.
1st order question: Did you famously bang your shoe on a UN table?
ac -- did you give up on 142?
I meant the current leader of Kenya, but would have taken Kenyatta, if that went my way.
Did you spend a lot of time making blue paint?
Okay, now that I've read the rules I guess Nikita Khrushchev.
are you (arguably) responsible for ending a genocide in africa?
Or Kandinsky, or Klimt, or... trying to come upp with other artists beginning with K. Most of whom probably spent time making blue paint! Right?
And have no idea about 153. Breath freshener, what?
141: I know 2,5,6, and 9 offhand, might be able to come up with some others, and I'm not sure these pass the "reasonable people would have heard of them" standard. And you misspelled "renowned."
I suppose that's right, although I didn't think of that, though I guess most artist do make/mix their own paint. Poorly worded question on my part.
Was your father of noble blood and your mother the daughter of a military man?
(First time I've played, so if I submit my questions wrong, please just slap me around until I'm in line.)
106.2 was Kirby, but if your guy also did that, good on you.
Are you saying you're stumped w/r/t 141?
161 -- I don't think you paid sufficiently close attention to the minutia.
Oh wait, 141.4 is "did your family start a prominent healthcare company?"
166: That's not the rule for first order questions. The answer must only be reasonably in the public domain. Your person can be as obscure as you like, as long as you could read about them in the library.
No you're not Katherine from Taming of the Shrew, whose sister Bianca's name anagrams to Binaca.
168- Seems as though lots of noble Russians would fit that bill and yet I can think of none of them.
Are you the mac, and you're bad, and you'll give me something that I never had?
173: Yes, he's really goddamn rich. The copy of Martin Denny's Quiet Village that my old roommate had had liner notes about how "----- K----- is developing Hawaii" where ----- K----- was his father, of the same name. Or, looking at Wikipedia, possibly his grandfather.
"Possibly" because AOThatW I hadn't read the whole Wikipedia article about his grandfather.
181- Um... Kris Kross? (Is that the most ridiculous answer possible?)
(Whatever the correct answer, ac, please say yes.)
1. Do you have a percussive guitar style honed in the NYC subway system: Kaki King
2. Are you a violist who records for ECM: Kim Kashkashian
3. Did your fretless bass style help create a distinct sound for a New Wave band: Mick Barr
4. Are you equally reknowned for your ethnomusicological pursuits as for your experimental recordings: Henry Kaiser
5. Have you recorded a version of a Bacharach tune for accordion and voice: Guy Klucvesek
6. Are you a komungo virtuouso: Jin Hi Kim
7. Were you one of Frank Zappa's trick guitarists: Mike Keneally
8. Did you set Rumsfeld's "unknown unknowns" speech to music: Phil Kline
9. Did you do the soundtrack for Rosemary's Baby: Krzysztof Komeda.
175: Well, I just remembered my dude was born before 1850 and was both a writer and a scientist, anyway. Damn.
(My dude was Kropotkin.)
Oh, do you want to decide if I have a 2nd order question for the Kirchner / Kibaki question?
But wasn't Kropotkin a 1st order? I didn't guess, so you get a 2nd order. w-lfs-n has 8 outstanding 2nd orders. And Tia has one.
RMcMP, we're not playing by those rules. We're playing by the permissive anyone who begins with K rules.
Wait? I have a first order? I mean, I think I should have one for the resurrection question but you think I should have one without it?
191- You may as well, since there are 10 others going.
Oh right. Wrong Mick. It's actually something else, Mick Karn. Mick Barr is completely different.
No, Tia, never mind. I forget about Kruschev, since it had come up before (1st orderly). But you can ask your Krishna question.
Hott silvana-ac Boticelli action.
There was one (1) of w-lfs-n's I didn't get and thought I should have; Phil Kline seemed familiar but that was because of Kansas's asshat Attorney General, Phill Kline.
Oh wait, somebody or other linked Kaki King's website before, that looks familiar. And she indeed has a percussive guitar style. And a major label contract. Still.
Does a Redwood City bookstore bear your name?
196 - Thanks, damned decent of you, ac.
Are you a Communist?
Tia, period: do you use b.c.p? If so, why not ask your ob about just using the pills to suppress the evil period entirely?
Oh, Mick Karn of Japan. Who told David Sylvian it was a good idea for him to sing, anyway?
I actually have basically no idea what to do with my nine questions.
No idea on Redwood City. (Which is presumably 1st order?)
Yes, I'm a communist.
Are you Krupskaya in the closest possible world in which she's male?
Well, I think I know who it is, but I couldn't spell his name properly or give any great identifying details about him, so I guess I'm out.
I'm not even sure I recognize the difference between a first-order and second-order question, so I think I'm going to hang back and keep watching for now.
Why, no, I'm not Krupskaya, because I'm, like, a man.
209 - First order questions are asked with a person in mind, and the answerer has to respond with a person satisfying that question. Second order questions are yes-no questions about the person the answerer is thinking of, and you only get to ask one if you stumped the answerer with a first-order question.
Hence "in the closest possible world", etc.
211: But your being a man doesn't prevent you from being Krupskaya in the closest possible world in which Krupskaya is male. I think the question is ill-formed, anyway.
No, I'm not Kerensky. And wasn't he a socialist or liberal or some such rather than a communist?
Is Tia going to kill me because no one can guess this? He's completely notorious, I tell you. Completely notorious!
Sorry, I had to help my mom pack up her classroom this morning and I just got back. I'll e-mail you my two minute mystery for next week.
175-- then you are not Paul Kagame.
2nd order -- are you Kalinin?
Well, I'll take a stab with the one factoid I can remember:
Were you a member of the post-Krushchev Troika until Breshnev took over? (I can't spell Russian names to save my life)
Oh! OK, now I get 1st/2nd order questions. Hrm. OK, here's my 2nd order: Were you a military officer?
If so, why not ask your ob about just using the pills to suppress the evil period entirely?
I know people do that, but the idea weirds me out. Not that I can answer for Tia. Just throwing in an unsolicited, off-topic two cents.
I pre-date Krushchev's rise to power.
No, I am not Kalinin.
I'm pretty sure I was a military officer at some point, in the Red Army, but this is not what I'm known for.
222 - Wow, I'm completely beat then. Clearly I know too little about those crafty Commies
Was the answer to 142 Mark Kleiman?
ac, are you famous for your performance as a contestant on a game show?
Military officer during the civil war, that is. (I think.)
203/221: I can't answer for Tia either, but.
Ken Jennings, since I don't have to fit the previous second orders, right?
Retracted, apparently it's last names only, my baf.
baf s/b bad, but do I have to do last names? I scrolled back through and pretty much all of them were.
Oh, I missed that. Was just responding to the order question.
Aren't you supposed to need a period four times a year? And Matt's link was on point.
I'm never going to be allowed to do another one of these, am I? (Completely notorious, I tell you!)
Did a retrospective of your films play at Lincoln center in the past year?
w/d, it's last name unless the person doesn't have a widely known last name. And I don't really know the names of any Communists that start with K besides Kruschev.
234 - No. The new Seasonale pill gives you four per year but you don't have to take it that way. You can suppress it entirely if you want. If you can handle being on the pill, that is.
Were you very briefly the (nominal) head of the Soviet state?
228: Oh yeah, right.
I have no idea if you "need" a period. I don't see why. But re. weird, it might help to realize that the "period" you get on b.c.p. isn't real, anyway, in the sense that it's not part of a proper menstrual "cycle," since the whole point of b.c.p. is to suppress the cycle. It's just that withdrawing the hormones that make your body think it's already pregnant suddenly causes bleeding. Really, it's more like having a monthly miscarriage, hormonally speaking.
Which is ironic, given that the only reason b.c.p. don't, as a default, suppress bleeding for months at a time is b/c the inventor was hoping to get the approval of the Catholic Church by making it seem more "natural."
240- Is that 1st order? I don't know. (I don't for 2nd order either, though I assume not.)
241 - You can also suppress it using another form of hormonal contraception, like the patch or the ring, if you skip the placebo/time off week.
Oh, I meant it as 1st order, but it could easily be taken as 2nd order, and I didn't mean it that way, so I'm ditching it. Here's another 1st-order question (or one I intend as 1st-order) with the same person in mind: were you married to Trotsky's sister?
Didn't know Trotsky had a sister, so I'm stumped.
Lev Kamenev, who was married to Trotsky's sister (Olga) and was briefly the nominal head of the Soviet government in 1917.
2nd order question: Are you notorious as a perpetrator of a crime?
243: I actually have a question about that, re. ring. It's supposed to be for monthly use, right? You have to replace the stupid thing every month? Will one last for all four weeks, or do you end up losing efficacy? B/c that would suck.
Really, I just want to go back to Norplant. Stupid insurance coverage.
1st order -- were you bummed when your mentor's corpse stank?
No, I'm notorious as the victim of a crime.
I find I'd really like to know the answer to 248.
Okay, I think I know who it is. I'm not really playing, though.
Did someone travel down a river to find you?
Good that someone knows.
252- Er, Omar Khayyam?
248 -- Alyosha Karamazov.
and now I have to leave and I have no idea who it could be.... and I was briefly a graduate student in Russian History!
Boy, it would have been irritating if Trotsky's real name had turned out to start with K.
Were you assassinated after establishing a moderate bloc in the Politburo?
I was thinking of Colonel Kurtz, in Apocalypse Now. Is that true of Khayyam?
254- Oh, come on! Turning point in Soviet history! (Sits in the corner in fetal position.)
I just cheated, and the name should be familiar even if you do not know (as I did not) any facts about this person. Or even that the name named a person.
Ac, that's not how you play. THat was a first order question, so you're supposed to say "no, I wasn't so-and-so", becasuse you know whom he's talking about.
Holy crap! Do I guess now? I don't know that part of the rules. (I don't know any part of the rules that aren't explained to me slowly.) OMG. Would you believe I failed that class?
I can't remember his first name or his real last name, either. But I've been in the metro station.
Ac, that's not how you play.
That's not howm you play.
But I've been in the metro station.
Are you petals on a wet black bough?
Oh, damn, I said something that could give it away, didn't I? Oh well. Wow. I know who it is. (I think.) I feel so satisfied now.
I have to leave now. Someone else should say the name. And then you can talk about how many of you have heard of this person/incident, and whether any future botticelli privileges of mine will be revoked.
The Committee is very displeased, Comrade ac.
You'll all be slapping your foreheads, I'm sure.
Yeah, that required an in-depth trip to Wikipedia.
Ouch.
I don't think someone who considers Jin Hi Kim an acceptable first-order has revocation powers.
MW, first orders are allowed to be obscure.
274 - How about those of us who were pretty stupid the whole way through?
Am I allowed to be both anti-war and think the Fleet Week guys look totally hot?
My mom has a co-worker whose son just joined the Air Force and she's considering getting her a bumper sticker that says "Anti-War, Pro-Troops." So yes.
I actually have a question about that, re. ring. It's supposed to be for monthly use, right? You have to replace the stupid thing every month? Will one last for all four weeks, or do you end up losing efficacy?
It's for monthly use. You use it for three weeks and then use nothing for one week (the break is equivalent to the placebo week for the pill). You have to replace it once a month. One lasts for all three weeks. Were you to do continuous usage, you would use a new one every three weeks and not take a break. I tried it for about two months after it was suggested by the Unfogged commentariat but even with the lower, localized hormones, I had the same side-effects as with the pill and had to stop.
Am I allowed to be both anti-war and think the Fleet Week guys look totally hot?
You should probably ask one of them.
Your mission, Becks, should you choose to accept it, is to pick up a high ranking officer and blog the experience.
This comment section will self-destruct in 10 seconds. 10...
281 - Brilliant, w/d!
282 - I don't know about a high-ranking officer. In fact, most of them look barely 1/2 my age + 7. But I may have to undertake that mission for the sake of the blog.
283: Truly, Becks, you are the blog-sister of ogged. May there be 72 Sleater-Kinney tickets in your future. (Farmer Ted rules: underwear as proof.)
I had an annoying Russian person sitting in front of me at the time that I chose the name. This may have had something to do with the fact that assassination crossed my mind.
Nikolaev. But he had unidentified helpers. Where were you before eb? Where?
Out, and then caught in traffic. My knowledge of Soviet History is pathetic, so I probably wouldn't have gotten it. But once I saw Kirov I recognized it as something I should have remembered.
A copy of Who Killed Kirov? may still be on the shelves of a used bookstore I used to frequent, where I saw it, but never did more than read the title on the spine, each time I visited the store for years.
I like that subtitle: the Kremlin's Greatest Mystery. Not, say, the Story of Some Totally Obscure Dude in Russia Somewhere.
Should I open the bottle of wine?
Hmmm...I think so.
Man, I am totally sitting here squealing and clapping my hands. I can't remember a damn thing about that fucker except that he got shot and the purges started and it was probably one of those 'two birds with one stone' things for Stalin because didn't all that lead to Trotsky getting pushed out, too? At the very least it got the ball rolling for Stalin to take up his preferred path to consolidating power. Oh, and the metro station was all weird but I can't remember why now. Wow. I am so damn self-satisfied right now. The last people to see me play Trivial Pursuit would shit their pants in surprise.