And I'm going to hell for how much I laughed at that Schindler's List joke.
JEWS ON A TRAIN! featuring samuel l. jackson.
GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING JEWS OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING TRAIN!
Your comment about Instapundit is why I don't frequent political blogs. It's all these people who have exactly zero access to anyone working for either party having screaming fights about how to package the platform. Please. Who cares what any of these people think Al Gore should do or how Bush can package the run up to '06 elections?
Now, the Unfogged commentariat; that's a whole other ball of wax. Ahem.
(If there was any doubt about my afterlife plans before...)
I'm in pain over this George Washington thing. I can't watch the rest of it because the laughter-tears are standing in my eyes.
I know we're all supposed to be being all nice and everything to ogged because of his diseased emo liver or whatever, but I just can't help saying that you have always been my favorite Unfogged blogger, Fontana, even back in the day when you weren't even posting here yet. Even back before you even started commenting here. Even then.
I'M TIRED OF ALL THESE JEWS ON THE DAMN TRAIN.
7 gets it exactly right.
Oh and 5 too.
And uh, you're great too Becks.
M/tch's wife left him for an unemployed Iranian.
9: Whose version is that? Lacks conviction.
And quick poll: how many people on this thread do you think are Becks style?
11: That's certainly not going to help your poll numbers, ogged.
In the style of Becks? I count: Becks.
Probably M/lls too, since he brought it up.
I am not Becks-style commenting tonight.
And, now that I'm in the thread, me. But just a little.
AWB, you do know that at the Mineshaft, "Becks style" means posting while drunk?
When Becks is Becks-style, you can tell.
You're such a dick, with that timing, M////tch.
Just how long have you been gone, FL?
I've just realized that after listening to the George Washington thing, the first sentence of this comment is no longer operative.
Sorry, apostropher.
Oh, I do that a lot. But no one ever called it Becks style. I'll go get another beer.
A few weeks, teo. Long enough to get it out of my system.
Things would be a whole lot easier if you'd just asking me questions first before posting all willy nilly, FL.
And also, ogged conveniently neglected to mention that that unemployed Iranian was really really handsome. His arms weren't skinny at all or anything.
Glad you're back, Labs. I promise to do my part by only blogging about people who shit in the shower.
You know, Becks, I used to work out with a guy whose girlfriend took a dump on his foot while he was in the shower. Small world, eh?
It is well attested that G. Washington could attain land speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour. A little back-of-the envelope confirms that, because of the drag incurred by each marginal dick, motherfucker necessarily had no more than 20 goddamned dicks.
28 - Like, did he ask her to? Or did she just do it? On purpose or by accident? How does that happen?
One direct-to-foot hit, and one thrown at him, also in the shower.
He didn't ask for it, Becks, but the other details are hazy. This is a rare instance in which "a guy I worked out with" doesn't actually mean me.
Swear to God, round about comment 18 I was going to post a comment that began "Not to poop on Becks, but…", and now I'm very sorry I didn't.
32: Were both during the same shower?
This is the best Two Minute Mystery EVAR.
I suspect that I will only be able to appreciate that video when I get a computer with sound.
washington!
i'm in love with brad neely!
Last comment for the night: I think these were two distinct showers. This makes it better, in my view.
who would win a washington/rapebear smackdown?
Labs and Ogged. All is now right in the world.
Also, I never understood how you could read the freaky-ass right-wing blogs in the first place.
Labs and Ogged.
We are aimless beasts in comments, without our Siegfried, without our Roy.
motherfucker necessarily had no more than 20 goddamned dicks.
But, really, any number over 6 is just gratuitous.
JEWS ON A TRAIN! featuring samuel l. jackson.
YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!
would you stop yelling at me please?
Post: Lawyers, Guns and Money, while an excellent blog (what's the proper formatting for a blog title anyway? gotta be italics, right?), is neither Fresh Pepper nor Bad News Hughes.
46: HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY MOVIES? THAT'S HOW I TALK!
You shouldn't hide today's two minute mystery like that.
what's the proper formatting for a blog title anyway?
Link text, like you did it.
WHAT'S MY NAME?
Say "what" again, I dare you.
WRONG. ANSWER. MOTHERFUCKER. WHAT'S MY NAME?
*pistol whips apostropher across the jaw*
Uhh, that was the wrong answer. Ow. Stop that.
SAY IT. TIA. OR IF THAT'S TOO COMPLICATED, THE BLACK PRIVATE DICK WHO'S THE SEX MACHINE TO ALL THE CHICKS WOULD BE AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE. THE THINGS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.
I think Tia's been hypmotized into believing she's a badass or something!
Let's test her: Tia, what number comes after 5?
Who always comes through for you in the end, huh?
64: Seven, and don't even patronize me.
65: you are the hero.
and don't even patronize me.
Is this an offer to do it for free? Cool! I'll get the raccoon mask and the water dish!!
So I guess none of the rest of y'all saw the Shaft remake. Graham made me watch it because he, inexplicably, loved it. I used to try to startle him and then imitate Jeffrey Wright saying, "Why you flinch?" Later, I don't remember how, we got into a conversation in which we were trying to best each other with bird pun themed put downs, and I think I won with "Why you finch?" I realize this is not funny to anyone else, but I'm a poster on this blog now, which means I don't have to be entertaining.
I made a pun once. It was awesome.
I realize this is not funny to anyone else . . .
I think it's funny.
I did see the remake, but on a really crappy bootleg VCD on a really crappy television and with a bunch of snarky drunk people, so we didn't catch much of the dialogue. Or story line.
I seem to remember there was a bad racist who eventually got his come-uppance. And did Jackson play Shaft? I seem to remember it was Ving Rhames. Maybe I'm mixing it up with Jacky Brown . . .
(also, sorry if I seemed to patronize, I didn't mean to)
I realize this is not funny to anyone else, but I'm a poster on this blog now, which means I don't have to be entertaining.
You have learned well, grasshopper.
I've repressed all memory of that movie.
It was a pun about the human condition.
I'm lying. I didn't make a pun.
I don't have to be entertaining.
You know what's a sure sign that a blog post is going to be entertaining? When it begins with the sentence "Oh, I just remembered — one time I made out with this retarded kid in church."
We should probably start all of our posts that way.
The combination of bad-assery and "why you finch" is so, so hot.
so, so hot.
You should try getting smacked across the jaw with her secret weiner. Sizzle!
You wanna hear about injustice? That a hot chick like me with bird puns and a secret weiner was in a relationship with someone who made her watch Shaft, but continues to insist that The Princess Bride is a mediocre movie.
also, sorry if I seemed to patronize, I didn't mean to
It's just so insulting. You think I can't count? I have eleven fingers just like you.
Nice try, Tia, but "secret weiner" != "extra finger".
Dude, that shaft remake sucked, but the original is awesome nonetheless. Princess Bride is kind of lame, I have to say, in sort of the way that the Grateful Dead and Monty Python are lame, viz., partly because people get so irritating about them.
81: You left off "knowhatImean? nudg nudge wink wink eh?" on the end of that last sentence.
Labs obviously does not know better than to get involved in a land war in Asia.
84: I bet he doesn't expect the Spanish Inquisition, either.
But he knows instinctively that every silver lining has a touch of grey.
Christ, I should have known better. You people are merciless.
Life is full of disappointments.
people get so irritating about them.
Also known as Ayn Rand Syndrome.
I'm trying to come up with some joke now about White Rastafarians, but I'm drawing a blank.
Mon.
For a while there in the mid 90s, I thought I was going to have to start killing massive numbers of people to make them stop quoting Pulp Fiction.
Would you have gone Medieval on their asses?
Don't give him trouble, w/d. He's just trying to be the shepherd.
I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet. It's the one that says Bad Wittgenstein.
Who would win in a grudge match, Shaft or George Washington?
Cookie! Can you dig it?
I have indicated as much before, but it's worth repeating: Cookie rules. But seriously.
70: And did Jackson play Shaft? I seem to remember it was Ving Rhames.
Damn. I hate to the play the card, but that is quite possibly the whitest sentence I've ever seen on Unfogged.
Crap, link in 100 (Kobe!) should be to comment 135 of that thread, which I can't get to work. Wtf?
I pwned and then I was pwned.
I see what you mean. Just sort of a creamy off-white sentence, then.
Well in my defense, I must say that the location where I watched the crappy VCD on the crappy TV with all the drunk snarky people was China, and the cognitive load of trying to tell all those inscrutable Asian people apart, much less understand them and their inscrutable ways, was too great to allow me to devote any synapses to the also challenging task of telling black people apart. Plus it's not my fault if those racists in Hollywood choose black actors that all look and act and sound alike.
And anyway, black people love me. Dig?
Also, I watched Jackie Brown around the same time and under the exact same conditions. Except I think Jackie Brown had Thai subtitles or something like that. I do know that both bootlegs were produced in the time-honored fashion of having some guy sneak a handcam into a cinema. So you got to hear all of the audience's reactions, as well as their cellphones, not to mention the occasional silhouette of someone getting up to go to the bathroom. Sort of the poor man's (as in too poor to afford robot commentary) MST3K.
Of course, the fact that Ving Rhames is in neither of those movie isn't really helping my case. Did I mention that the crappy television also had a really small screen? And that some of my best friends are black people?
No worries, M/tch. You had me at "inscrutable."
That "Black People Love Us" site is teh awesome, I must say.
I've been toying with putting up a site sort of like that about my now awesome knowledge of Chinese people and culture and incredible air of ease around them called "You Don't Know From General Tso".
I know the people behind the "Black People Love Us" site and dislike one of them intensely.
Who Was General Tso And Why Are We Eating His Chicken?
Well, no. Maybe that's the problem.
Are the people behind the "Black People Love Us" site Jews????
108: You should do it! I, for one, do not know from General Tso and would find it an invaluable educational resource.
Is that a sincere question? If so, yes.
112: The proper answer there is, "Only when it's convenient."
115: I KNEW IT!!!!
Actually it wasn't sincere. Hence the extra punctuation marks, my general method of indicating I'm not being serious (not that you would know that). I was just sort of running with the stereotypes theme, and the one about "the Jews control everything" just sort of came to mind. It's kind of amusing that the answer is "yes", though.
N.B. Jews love me.
That would be a good answer to 113 as well.
Jews love me.
That's what you think.
Jews love me.
Only when it's convenient.
Jews would love me, if they weren't such a hateful race.