Far worse than white shag was the olive-avocado color of the carpet in my parents' house. The carpet was flat and molded into raised patterns, and it covered the living room and dining room.
When they tore it up they discovered beautiful hardwood floors underneath. I hope under your carpet is pretty wood floors.
I hope under your carpet no longer, and have to find a new place to hide.
Ooh, we had the same carpet in my folks' house when I was a kid! So lovely.
God, don't even get me started. Our house has a bunch of maroon carptet in the upstairs, and one of the smaller bedrooms upstairs is fucking turquoise. I'm hoping to have enough money saved by the end of the year to rip it all out and put slate and bamboo as far as the eye can see.
Do y'all like to go barefoot at home? Carpet is better for that, I think. But still....
Don't fuck with me, Ogged, or I'll off you too.
I've already been stapled, Bob Villa, you can't scare me. Anyway, I wasn't disagreeing.
Labs, you may want to consider, for your guests' sakes, that carpet is easier on the knees.
When I bought a pair of kneepads at Home Depot I was surprised that no one seemed that amused by my fellatio jokes. imagine.
Re. barefoot and hard woods, I've totally decided that when we move, we are buying a Roomba.
What percentage of fellatios are actually given while the fellater is on his/her knees, do you think? It seems a rather contrived, pornish pose, and one an otherwise willing fellater might object to.
I really hope 9 is true, and that you made fellatio jokes at Home Depot.
Given Labs's height, it's not clear that the kneepads are for future fellaters.
We should totally compare notes on #11. Do you mean, on knees while fellatee is standing? B/c on knees while fellatee is standing, lying, or sitting, I'd estimate my percentage would be pretty high: 80-90%. It's just more comfortable.
Yeah, I mean while the fellatee is standing.
one an otherwise willing fellater might object to.
I'll omit an aside about Mrs. w-lfs-n. This is so true, but the iconography of sodomy is fixed in the popular imagination. You go to the comment box with the allusions you've got.
Okay, standing I'd have to say a lot lower, maybe 5% max. But not because I particularly object. Actually, I don't really know why, come to think of it.
Someone else here has to share, people. Ogged, what percentage of blow jobs have you received while standing?
16: You do realize that Mrs. W. found out about this blog, right?
18 - Does she actually read it or is she kind enough to know of its existance but not acknowledge it or read it?
A blow job while standing I don't think I've ever received. It would feel squicky, I'm pretty sure. And my memory might be playing tricks, but I think once it was about to happen, given where the bodies where at the time, etc., and the young lady just said "no" and had me lay down. It only occurs to me now that I should have made a "my way or the hershey highway" remark.
Mrs. w-lfs-n comments under the name DominEditrix.
20: I don't know, but if she does read it, it seems kind of tacky to make jokes about her. We should mock Ben's girlfriend or something instead.
If you're Mrs. W, are you proud or worried that your son is the grammar scourge of the Internets?
Actually, I don't really know why, come to think of it.
While the fellatee is standing requires a lot more trust and understanding between the two people because when the guy is standing, he has a wider range of motion for thrusting than when sitting or lying down. The fellater is in much less control of making sure things stay withing acceptable limits with regard to gag reflex, etc.
if she does read it, it seems kind of tacky to make jokes about her
It's a little late for that, don't you think? And it was w-lfs-n who started the YOUR MOM tradition at Unfogged, so no way does he get off the hook with "Oh no, my mom reads this thing." Anyway, wait, let me take my dick out of her mouth...yup, Ben's mom says she's cool with it.
See, I disagree with 26. On my knees, I feel like I can way more easily move away. Plus, I guess I'm fucking lazy, and I hate having to bob my head up and down and up and down and up and down and blah blah. It's boring. At least the standing/kneeling (or sitting/kneeling) setup is a little more mutual. When the guy's lying down, I feel like I'm "servicing" him, and it kind of annoys me sometimes.
when the guy is standing, he has a wider range of motion for thrusting than when sitting or lying down.
Thank god we have porn to teach us that what women really enjoy, among other things, is a good skull fucking.
When the guy's lying down, I feel like I'm "servicing" him, and it kind of annoys me sometimes.
When the girl's kneeling, I feel like she's "servicing" me, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
we are buying a Roomba.
Also, only eight comments before this thread turned to sex. Impressive.
27: It's not that *he* should get off the hook. It's that joking about fucking someone who overhears you saying it, but isn't actually part of your friend network, is crappy.
Although I suppose fair enough, she isn't the intended blog audience and for all I know isn't reading. But still. Ick.
When the girl's kneeling, I feel like she's "servicing" me, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I've found that kneeling down to return the favor a few times is a remarkable way of curing that discomfort.
31: Well, tough shit. If I'm giving the blow job, my comfort is more important.
34: Exactly. Plus, fewer cricks in the neck (at least, if you're kneeling down at the foot of the bed, say). I mean, really: any position where your head and spine are in alignment is going to be more comfortable than one where they're at an angle somewhere between 45-90 degrees.
The obvious compromise here is leaning back in your armchair while watching tv.
34: Exactly. Plus, fewer cricks in the neck (at least, if you're kneeling down at the foot of the bed, say). I mean, really: any position where your head and spine are in alignment is going to be more comfortable than one where they're at an angle somewhere between 45-90 degrees.
Although when the floor would be really hard on the knees or just super uncomfortable, I've known girls to do it from standing by just bending at the waist. Wood floors don't necessarily have this problem, though I'd imagine tile and stone would be a bitch. My high school dorm rooms just had the worst carpet ever.
What's the matter with you people? I was just wondering what portion of blowjobs were given in the iconic way. The answer seems to be: not many.
Bending at the waist? Fuck that. That *would* feel freakishly submissive.
35: I've never heard anyone say that kneeling was particularly comfortable before. I certainly can't kneel for more than one minute without starting to wobble a lot.
Also, the "tough shit" was unnecessary. You often seem to be assuming that people who frequently comment sympathetically on intensely feminist-friendly and intellectual blogs like this one and yours are secretly closed-minded male supermacists who need to have some sense knocked into them by what will probably be the first woman they've ever heard say a dirty word. Please stop assuming the worst.
I've found that kneeling down to return the favor a few times is a remarkable way of curing that discomfort.
I tried that once and it was ludicrously awkward for both of us, partially because of the 14-inch height difference.
I seem to assume what? I assume that people can take a joke, is what I assume.
1. I think that wall-to-wall carpet might be a generational thing. My mom can't understand at all why I hate carpet so much, even when I try to explain to her the utter soul-sucking power of a rental house's dingy carpet. Everyone I know who's my age absolutely refuses to move into a house or apartment with carpet, unless they're financially desperate. I'd rather live with a shitty scratched up splintery hardwood floor than a carpet.
2. Despite the "servicing" symbolism (though when it's two guys, the down-on-your-knees thing isn't as politically charged), I'd rather kneel on a hardwood floor to give a blowjob than do it to a guy who's lying on his back -- it makes my neck tired and sore, working from that angle. And when he's standing up, he can move and thrust and I don't have to do all the work.
41:
I certainly can't kneel for more than one minute without starting to wobble a lot.
As a recovering Catholic girl, I know some people who can beat that feebleness right out of you.
Just say the word.
Just for the record: the fellating agent is a "fellator," not a "fellater."
I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't actually read this blog, and that, having done her best to get me to know and respect the use of the English subjunctive, and as a former English teacher, she'd be quite pleased to learn that I'm the grammar scourge of the internets.
Everybody seems very taken with "fellatee" -- a more apposite choice would be "irrumator".
Everybody seems very taken with "fellatee"
Well, they'd have to be, really, wouldn't they?
Dunno. I'd think "irrumator" would be a bit more pejorative than people are thinking here - a *lot* more, if my recollection of Catullus is right.
reaching for my copy of "Politics and the English Language", I find myself wanting to strike out against the introduction of a polysyllabic Latinism of dubious provenance and stand up for the simple demotic Anglo-Saxon "cocksucker". Although I must admit that I am at a loss for a specific citation to the works of Orwell; the index in my edition of the Collected Essays is worse than useless.
In my simple demotic cocksucker!=fellatee. Rather the reverse.
ahhh see this is why I never became a High Court Judge, never had the Latin for it. There isn't a simple Anglo-Saxon word for "one who is the recipient of oral sex", perhaps because the practice was unknown in the British Isles before the arrival of your mum.
Nah, Noel Coward had an anecdote from before WW1. Odd that there isn't a word for something so mundane though.
perhaps we could try to make "headless man" catch on, as a tribute to the dear departed Duchess of Argyll?
Worth a try. Want to explain this one to our transatlantic friends?
Valentine's Day card ideas -- running thru my head --
Darlin' won't you be my irrumator
I'll be your sweet fellator
Don't need no generator
The sparks are gonna fly
Oh when you irrumate me You cum enough to sate me I'll strap one on and you'll fellate me My darlin' irrumator and I
insert line breaks in the second verse -- damned HTML!
I want Joe D. to score it.
55: Never fear, I looked it up. Note the "characteristic pearl necklace."
"signature... pearl necklace," rather.
Definitely a carpet job, too
Suppose Daleks, rather than "exterminate . . . exterminate . . . exterminate", had gone "irrumate . . . irrumate . . . irrumate." Would they have been more or less terrifying to small children back in the '70s?
I don't think that's an easy question to answer.
more or less terrifying to small children
Perhaps I did not watch Dr. Who early enough -- the Daleks never seemed anything other than hilariously campy.
the Daleks never seemed anything other than hilariously campy.
Yeah, metal sleestaks.
the Daleks never seemed anything other than hilariously campy.
But would they have seemed more terrifying had they demanded constantly and with robotic intensity that they be sexually serviced?
Perhaps the writers missed a trick there.
I so wish Tom Baker and Louise Jameson had done low-budget pr0n flicks on the side, with Daleks in supporting roles. My world would be marginally closer to complete.
Landlords put carpet on nice hardwood floors to protect the valuable floors. Perhaps homeowners do too.
I've been researching internet porn recently. My purpose is to investigate their Mapplethorpian use of light and shadow, of course, and I strictly bracket out my own erotic response as irrelevant to my study, but watching women give guys blowjobs is definitely not my thing.
I don't remember finding the Daleks scary and I'm prime 70s Dr Who age. I was 9 when Baker stopped being the Doctor.
I did find some of the other monsters scary though, iirc.
Like most people around here, I prefer wood floors, but don't carpets reduce heating costs?
43: thank you, John, for returning this thread to its orginal topic.
When I was tearing the stuff out, I kept wondering what these people were thinking. Did it really look good at the time? It's hard to imagine, but so many things about that style mystify me.
JM: Short answer, yes. Longer answer, you can insulate your wood floor adequately if you are/know a competent builder, but carpet may be cheaper.
Guys: Wood floors should not, properly, be left bare. This does not mean wall-to-wall carpeting is acceptable. Area rugs are the way to go -- you get the beauty of the wood floors around the edges of the room where there is not a lot of walking going on, you save on heating, you get the nice æsthetic experience of lovely area rugs.
If you live above someone else, carpets are pretty much a must.
If you've ever lived in a flat below someone with wooden floors it could drive you to murder. Very very quickly.
(Also they are good for bare feet and knees.)
(And for downstairs neighbors' ears.)
I will walk barefoot on wood floors, but not on carpet. Ick.
71 Gets it exactly right. Decent Persian rugs can be had on eBay surprisingly cheap over here. Is this not the case in the States?
Also, if you're on the ground floor, you probably still need to think about underfloor insulation.
Suppose Daleks, rather than "exterminate . . . exterminate . . . exterminate", had gone "irrumate . . . irrumate . . . irrumate." Would they have been more or less terrifying to small children back in the '70s?
At least one '70s-era Dr. Who companion seemed to think that's what they said. (NSFW)
If you've ever lived in a flat below someone with wooden floors it could drive you to murder.
For about the last eight years; I've learned to deal--and also to walk rather quietly on my rickety floors.
One of the not-so-bright things the owners of my current rental did was to put wall-to-wall carpets in exactly two rooms in the house - the bathroom and the kitchen. Everything else is exposed wood. I think they decided that the floor needed some renovation, and happened to have a big roll of office-floor carpet around.....
Not being a fellator myself, I'm assuming area rugs would be acceptable for a person who wants both bare floors and blowjobs.
BTW, I admire you all for not making a pun on "shag carpet." Very classy, that restraint -- it's one of the reasons I visit Unfogged.
If you've ever lived in a flat below someone with wooden floors it could drive you to murder. Very very quickly.
Yeah, this is the sort of thing that makes me so happy my building has 6 inches of concrete between floors. Throw on a floating wood floor and a suspended ceiling, and there's a completely blissful lack of noise from above and below.
You can still hear the next door people, though (thankfully they're quiet fellators).
Also, I'll agree with the area rug business, especially for areas under furniture. If you can get a good flat rug for under the dining room table and living room it stops the chairs from scratching up a beautiful floor.
Unlike jmcq, I am disappointed that noone, not even w-lfs-n, has made the obvious "Labs' carpet so shaggy, it ain't that shaggy" joke.
Hardwood floors don't work too well if you have a series of kids going through the first year or two of standing up and walking. Lots of falling down on their giant heads.
My eighteen-month-old had the good fortune of learning to walk in my house that has brick floors. He spent most of the time looking like he'd just come out on the losing end of a prizefight. So far, no sign of brain damage.
Hardwood floors are also great for shattering the illusion of cool and dignity that cats try to maintain at all times.
They also heighten dogs' natural genius for physical comedy.
Tiled or linoleum hallways are good for that too.
1: Far worse than white shag was the olive-avocado color of the carpet in my parents' house.
Not necessarily so bad, so long as it matches the drapes.
PK learned to walk on hardwood without carpets. The clunks never seemed to bother him.
>If you've ever lived in a flat below someone with wooden floors it could drive you to murder.
I used to live in a hard-wood-floored one bedroom apartment with 3 kids and we drove the downstairs neighbor to move.
I had an ex g/friend who lived in an attic apartment with hardwood floors. Her downstairs neighbour used to constantly complain about the noise even though we weren't noisy nor were we clumpy walkers. I always thought she was batty until I experienced the same thing a few years later. It sounds like you are living beneath a heard of elephants. Other sounds, music and speech, for example, also carry much more.
3 kids and hardwood floors! I'd have moved too.
re: 88
When I was little we lived in a caravan -- impoverished hippy parents -- and I learned to walk very early but didn't learn to crawl as there was something to grab on to everywhere. When we moved to a house we had hardwood floors -- painted with hippy paintings -- and apparently that's when I learned to crawl. Clunking wasn't a problem there, either.
Matt:
We have a cable channel in North America, HGTV, that is about design and home decorating. It's shown the BBC series Trading Up, although not at the moment. Looking inside UK homes, admittedly those chosen to benefit most from quicky sprucing-up, the obvious oddity is how often they have the most appalling carpets imaginable — worse then anything you ever see over here. I don't know why that is.
PK learned to walk on hardwood without carpets. The clunks never seemed to bother him.
You'll be singing a different tune when he turns 18 and registers as a Republican.
Yeah, well, if he does that I'll just refuse to send him to college.
Ah, now I know where my neck problems originate.
I think perhaps I should reconsider the wall to wall carpet...brick floors are indeed a bitch.
Yeah, well, if he does that I'll just refuse to send him to college.
Which he'll then fund by his tell-all book.
My boyfriend is anti-carpet (hush you) because he thinks it's bad for babies. Area rugs can be taken to cleaners.
91: I too saw a lot of horrible carpets in the UK, although firsthand, not via the telly.
When an American friend and I were looking for an apartment in London, in one of the places the owner had just put in carpet in the kitchen and was bragging about it like it was a major selling point.
Fortunately we found this crazy architect who needed two roomates and who owned a rustic but lovely tall thin semi-detached in East Dulwich with hardwood floors on every landing. His bedroom was on the ground floor and mine was above his but he never complained about any noise.
They also heighten dogs' natural genius for physical comedy.
Lord yes. I wish I had video'd our dog skidding wildly around corners and down hallways.
Carpet is bad for people with allergies, too. It traps mold, pet dander, dust and other nasty stuff. You can never completely clean it.
If I ever had my own house I would have a house with no carpet. It would be a happy existence without the constant sneezing.
Then all the dust would be from...human skin!