an obvious point in the letter that the answer didn't address was the issue of whether you should worry that your blowjob skills will make you appear too experienced (= slutty). As a fan of ravenous blowjobs and a feminist I say confidently that anyone who is put off by your blowjob experience isn't worth dating.
Hey, Ogged's date's letter got printed right after that one!
But I’m especially grossed out by his ass. It’s really hairy!
Also, "ravenous" is cracking me up. "Hungry? Feast on this!"
"[I]n the biblical sense"? Plus the twin Jesus references...I think this guy has a guilty conscience.
"Forgive me, I have sinned...I licked her ass on the first date."
break out the whole arsenal of sex toys, strap-ons, whips and chains? This is one of those conventions, associated with sex for a long time, usually in a comic vein. Playboy cartoons used to feature it, I mean the whips and chains. But whips and chains has got to be a tiny subculture irl.
But if I were inclined to those devices, I'm the sort of guy who would try to make his own. Then, on top of the barely suppressible laughter I'd expect from the person to whom these things were shown in any case, would come the embarrassment of realizing she'd see that they were homemade.
Seriously, what depressing questions. Giving yourself a script to follow, a game plan. How about not planning, but seeing how you respond to one other? What's so hard about that?
Scripts and game plans are what the sexual revolution gave us, IDP. Did nobody inform you?
No, I guess I was out in the garage trying to make something when I would have been informed.
5 -- diy is a whole separate fetish.
People should just let their freak flag fly early on so that the other party can decide whether they dig it, or to break it off now because they're dating a sick bastard.
Is the letter really about "flying the freak flag"? I thought that was just the columnist's assumption; the letter itself looks more like a question about how fast a relationship should become sexual and how sexual it should get early on.
5 -- diy is a whole separate fetish.
I think that "diy" is actually common enough not to count as a fetish.
the letter itself looks more like a question about how fast a relationship should become sexual and how sexual it should get early on.
Which is impossible for a stranger to advise him about.
This seems to be at the heart of his concern:
is he going to be thinking, Jesus…she must be giving a lot of head to be that good? Or, if he gets into licking her tush, is she going to think, Jesus…this guy must have his tongue up lots of asses?
Frankly, it would not occur to me to wonder how often my partner had done [insert "freak-flag" style practice] with other people.
Labs gets it exactly right.
A fellatio, on the other hand...
No, seriously, get my finger out of your mouth, that's gross.
It seems like the questioner is more worried about looking like a slut than having fun with his/her partner. This seems to be worrisome. Perhaps he/she should concentrate on having fun and work in the fetishes as it seems to be appropriate, with appropriate communication. I.e., I don't think there's going to be a 'no whips before the third date' rule.
Enlightened people of blogdom, I think it was on Taxi Cab Confessions, or Real Sex that I heard a heartbreaking story of a woman who had licked her husband's balls, only to be thanked with, "Oh, you're one of those...." So, for possibly many people, this is a legitimate concern.
Please tell us that, newly informed of her husband's assholery, she immediately filed for divorce.
That story would be far more entertaining had the husband licked his own balls.
"I licked his balls, and there was his asshole! I filed for divorce." That's just how it went.
I don't think they were together anymore when she was telling the story. It really is one of the more horrible things I've heard of someone saying to someone else.
21: Is there no maxim that says 'discuss non-vanilla things before you try them'? The guy in the story is an asshole, but I presume the letter-writer isn't marrying someone, but just wants to be thought of as non-freaky or not push things. And shouldn't the answer to that be communication? I don't think there's a 'no-anal-before-date-eight' rule that will be helpful here.
Plus the twin Jesus references...
"Easier shall a camel pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man fuck me up the ass..."
I Corinthian Leather 29
max
['WWJF?']
You could even keep the 'w' for 'who?' and the 'd' for 'do', and then you wouldn't even need to change the bracelets.
25.--See, what's offputting about that situation is that I really wouldn't consider 21 non-vanilla. Sure, not the sort of thing to foist on a person out of the blue, direct from holding hands, but certainly not the sort of thing that would require a sit-down negotiation. As would some of the more specific fetishes or boundary-testing things.
27: Who wants to know?
I don't think there's a 'no-anal-before-date-eight' rule
Skimming, I read this as "a 'no-anal-before-eight' rule," and thought it seemed like a pretty reasonable restriction for a first date.
29: I mostly meant the letter writer who seemed to be wondering when to bust out the leather.
Corinthian Leather will amuse me for years to come.
Ogged, that's a weird story. It's not like ball-licking is some extreme fetish. On the other hand, she'll have a fun story to tell future dates.
No, seriously, get my finger out of your mouth, that's gross.
A waste of perfectly good suction is what that is.
The letter writer seems to have two not-too-well-differentiated questions, one of which is when to worry about showing her sexual experience, and the other is when to break out the leather. I may be fallaciously putting blow job concerns in a somewhat different category than bondage concerns.
I really wouldn't consider 21 non-vanilla. Sure, not the sort of thing to foist on a person out of the blue
Foist away. Any guy with half a brain, even if that's not his cup of tea, will recognize the potential of a woman willing to go that extra mile.
Ogged, that's really impressive, I'm surprised you can say that word with my balls in your mouth.
Really? I hardly noticed them, roid boy.
Your own... grammatical Jesus...
Someone to proof your words,
God of the nerds
[twang twang twang]
So, so glad the t-shirt didn't get redacted.
And he still has us blogrolled. I love that guy.
MoMa has a Leather Day? What does the Guggenheim have? Sk8ter day? Is it culturally significant that I once had sex on the lawn of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts at 3am?
I agree with Rob - anyone who is upset at the idea that his/her partner has had previous experience isn't worth dating. Or fucking, because I guarantee you they won't be any good at it.
I do think, tho', that if one has terribly outré can't-do-without kinks*, they ought to be revealed before anything like a relationship is considered. I don't think it's fair to go beyond casual dating without mentioning that lack of X in one's sex life would be a deal-breaker for any long-term coupling.
5: IDP, this should help you in your diy endeavours.
7: JM, don't be silly; we were far too busy loving the one we were with to take time out for scripts. However, naked Twister on acid seemed like a good idea at the time. And Strip Sangria Scrabble.
12: B-Wo, it's a fetish if she screams "Home Depot" during sex and refers to your cock as your Johnny Jolt Power Plunger.
*Like, say, being unable to have sex unless Slim Whitman playing in the background.
And that rushmore thing still cracks me up.
Chuck is signing off each post with "If Islam means submission, I will not submit."
Dude, I honestly thought you were joking. Wait til I show up at his house with my scimitar.
Strip Sangria Scrabble
Alright, this I definately need to try.
Anyone who is capable of coherent thought while on the receiving end of a 'ravenous' blow job is a better man than I. My entire intellect is reduced to 2 words, 'Don't stop'.
your Johnny Jolt Power Plunger.
Or your Big Beaver portable drilling rig.
Alright, this I definately need to try
I'm challenging "definately," dude. Take off your shirt.
Also, Helmut Lang loves a big black cock.
Is it culturally significant that I once had sex on the lawn of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts at 3am?
!!!
Last night I dreamed that I was at an Unfogged meetup, and LB told me that Brock Landers has been commenting from jail, because he murdered someone.
50:
What is that even supposed to signify?
If running a marathon means training, I will not train.
Goddamit, 5 more seconds and I would have had:
If marathon means running, I will not run.
On the freak-flag question, I think people are underestimating the embarassment of the sexual faux pas. I had one very chatty sexual relationship, and then, with the next woman, I responded a bit too enthusiastically to a comment of hers, and there was an awkward pause. I still cringe, 10 years later.
I think the hard part is recognizing what it is that you do that may be a bit, um, specific, for others. Dirty talk and ass play both seem like things that can be awkward early on, even if both partners are fine with it 3 months in. It's like an open-door bathroom policy: no matter what, it's just not OK on the first date.
I think that it was solve problems of this kind that the suffix "-curious" was invented. So for any kinky * of yours, you need to find out if your new person is *-kinky or *-curious. If they're not *-curious, your fucked, in the sense of "not-".
61: Ah, but even if a person does not initially recognize themselves as *-curious, they might become more so if they are sufficiently interested in you. So there is a tension there over how early to introduce discussion of *: too early, and they might respond solely out of prior impressions of * rather than the idea of *-with-you; too late, and you find out that * is a deal-breaker.
And of course, just because someone is willing to indulge in *-with-you at one point in their life, there is no guarantee that they will continue to do so.
60: Hey, that's the "You're reading too much into it" movie!