Wow, pretty much the best possible outcome for an arsonist. I wonder how much higher the crime rate would be if we didn't have a huge military.
To be fair, he set fire to the lawn accidentally but I think that still qualifies him as Worst Housesitter Ever.
I have a cousin whose son really wants to study pyrotechnics. I haven't told her that this means she raised a very sweet serial killer. (I used to work with an ex-parole officer who said that the scariest and weirdest criminals, by far, were the arsonists.)
This kid divides his year in half - everything he earns from his afterschool and summer jobs from New Year's to the Fourth of July he spends on fireworks. Everything from the Fourth to the end of the year becomes his spending money/savings for the rest of the year.
I don't think you can say that anyone who spends half his income on fireworks set fire to something "accidentally."
You know, given that there have to be explosives experts out there, it is probably a good thing that this guy should be directing it in a socially acceptable way, right?
I think 7 is constructed wrong. "Given that there have to be explosive experts out there" s/b "Given that there are people out there obsessed with explosives" or something like that. "There vave to be explosive experts out there" would work as an introductory clause.
Exactly. That's why I'm all for it. Normally, the idea of one of the neighbor boys joining the military and possibly getting shipped to Iraq would worry me but this kid's probably much less likely to get hurt over there with some good outlets and adult supervision than over here blowing shit up in his backyard.
Pyrotechnics rules. It's what got me interested in chemistry. I was making my own stuff before I could drive. Two must have books are this and this.
United Nuclear specializes in hobbyist sized chemical orders, and Cannon Fuse has good prices on, well, cannon fuse and stuff.
Vave on, you crazy diamond.
Though I am not a pyro myself, it is not a hard enthusiasm to understand. Fire is pretty! Explosions are awesome!
Remember the kid who almost built a breeder reactor in his backyard? Now in the Marines (though they won't let him near anything nuclear, because he's exceeded his lifetime allotment of exposure).
yeah, I think this kid and the Demo squad are a perfect match.
Still, fire is a fascinating thing, and its fascination spreads far beyond the small group labeled "pyromaniacs".
My wife used to be a firefighter, and assures me that well over half of those people just *love* fire. They are kind of like the Ducks Unlimited Conservationists. You know, the hunting crowd that also does good work preserving habitat and keeping game populations healthy?
Kinda the same dynamic. They love killing them. But they wouldn't want to drive them to extinction. If the species is extinct, you don't get to extinguish the individuals anymore
I once (accidently) started a prairie fire in a National Forest in the NC mountains.
A high proportion of chemists got their start as kids blowing shit up. (Coincidentally, chemistry sets are no longer legal, because their components can be used by meth labs).
Every boy in my family, to my knowledge (n=5) was involved in pyromania at one point or another.
A lot of kids don't have the chance to build real, ordinary fires anymore, in fireplaces, furnaces, barbecues or campsites. Reminds me my son ought to be allowed and asked to do it next time.
Yeah, without campfire experience, you don't realize the proper use of kindling and the need for a good airflow, and your fire down in the basement just fizzles.
I once (accidently) started a prairie fire in a National Forest in the NC mountains.
Given that there's no prairie anywhere near the NC mountains, that's one hell of an accomplishment. What were you using, medium-range missiles?
Just *think* how great it'll be when this kid comes back from the war with PTSD!
19: It was a few acres of open grassland. What's the proper name for that?
20 addendum:
If you really know the area, it was just a few miles southwest of the Brevard fish hatchery. I think.
22 -- so it was an attempted fish-hatchery sabotage gone horribly awry?
"It was a few acres of open grassland. What's the proper name for that?"
a fireplace. clearly.
I mean, it was just *asking* for it.
yeah, pretty often. How 'bout you?
Not any more, after our trip to fucking Ikea.
wow, I would have said that the more time you spend at Ikea, the more vacant you are.
Just look at the stares of the people in the store.
25: Nope, it was an attempted fish-fry gone awry.
If you are attempting to fry the fish while they are still inside the hatchery, that counts as sabotage.
31: It's true, we were sort of in zombie mode by the end of it. But after all, that's perfectly acceptable at this time of year.
To be fair, fish hadn't been fried on this scale since Jesus paired them with loaves.
Hushpuppies would've really been the preferable accompaniment.
30, 31: Heathens! Blaspheme not against the Great Temple of Ikea, Granter of Bookcases to the faithful! All hail the Billy Bookcase, the Sacred Cradler of Holy Reading Matter!
Re: Military as a refuge for nascent serial killers:
A. Has anyone seen "Dexter"? There's something terribly appealing about a lethal sociopath who has agreed to only knock off bad guys.
B. Has anyone other than Farber read Stand on Zanzibar and remembers "eptifiying"?
s/b "eptifying" [ept from "Education for Particular Tasks"]
I do -- a particularly creepy bit of the book. When he's explaining to his roommate the number of ways he knows how to kill him?
But wasn't the point of that bit that whatever the character's name was (Donald? I'm remembering Donald) was this entirely non-violent researcher type, and they could do that to anyone?
Stand on Zanzibar is a long-time favorite of mine. I've raved about it somewhere 'round here before, but I'll note that despite being published in '69 (IIRC) it still feels like a pretty plausible view of the not-too-distant future. If he'd only foreseen the personal computer revolution, it would be the Scariest Book Ever--but it's still pretty close.
When he's explaining to his roommate the number of ways he knows how to kill him?
Is it anything like the murder-methods conversations between the two mystery-geek friends in Shadow of a Doubt?
If he'd only foreseen the personal computer revolution
Like in Shockwave Rider?
re: 42
There's a creepy piece of 70s pulp fiction called 'The Death Freak' about two guys who are both experts in 'Unconventional Killing Devices', often made from mundane household objects, going head to head in a 'the only way out of this job is in a coffin' type scenario.
There must be a few hundred ways to kill people listed in that book. It's blackly comic and disturbing in just the same way.
40: Yes, it was Donald Hogan - but after he was beautifully trained in the art of assassination, there was really no comfortable place for him in society. [As one of the Chad Mulligan quotes says, re: military training: 'I don't approve of people who encourage psychoses in their fellow human beings. You probably do. Cure yourself of that habit.']
Seems to me that training a baby pyro how to blow things up bigger and better leaves him/her few options in civilian life, because the professions for which such expertise is useful don't seem to have all that many job openings. Powder person for movies; building blow-upper [I realise there's a technical term, but I can't remember it], oil/gas fire squelcher, field clearer, whatnot. If one's chief pleasure is observing that X blowed up real good, it's going to be hard to settle back into "we mustn't plant explosives under the neighbour's dog, Bobby".
And fire is sooo pretty...
Oh, I dunno. I've got a friend from my last firm who comments here sometimes (Idealist) and spent twenty years in the artillery. I've certainly heard him muse wistfully about how much fun blowing shit up was, but he never seems to have any difficulty not setting his office on fire.
46: Law school tends to drive those whimsical desires out of one. I gave up poisoning random people after Crim. Law and swore I'd only slay the guilty [oh, no, that was just a Dexter flashback...]. The question is, was Idealist the sort to stuff dynamite up the neighbour's cat just to see what would happen before he joined up, or does he just like watching pyrotechnics? I think most of us enjoy fireworks, but few of us ignite them under small children just for fun.
but he never seems to have any difficulty not setting his office on fire.
"Seems" may be the important word there. Or maybe he just he can separate work and fun, and sets his fires at home.
Artillery lends dignity to a battle that would otherwise be a mere brawl.
I thought the Marine in question was being trained in EOD- which is not blowing stuff up, it is defusing bombs. Sometimes they do that by blowing it in place (fire in the hole), some times not. I'm sure you perverts can have fun with the jargon.
Plus my reaction to 45 was, "Say, there are a lot more civilian blow-upping* jobs than I thought!"
*Not to mention blow-abouting, etc.
To be fair, fish hadn't been fried on this scale since Jesus paired them with loaves.
This, rules.
I like fire and bonfires and fireworks.
And there's lots of jobs in the oil industry, or seismic technology, or anything like that, really, that involves the ability to safely wire & drop explosives down holes to look for gold or oil or minerals. If the kid plays his cards right, he'll be pulling $125K a year in Texas once he gets out.
It's not an academic job or a professional job or an office job, but it'll pay.
safely wire & drop explosives down holes to look for gold or oil or minerals
So, literally ATM? How underwhelming.
I think my grandad used a fair amount of dynamite in his time. He was a mining engineer.
The word from my film techie friends was that the problem with the explosions and fire guys was that they didn't like to do things half-way so often freaked out the directors and producers.
46-49
I am not sure how to respond to the question of whether I was the sort of person who would stuff dynamite up the neighbour's cat just to see what would happen before I joined the Army or whether being a soldier made me that way.
50 gets it right
A. Has anyone seen "Dexter"? There's something terribly appealing about a lethal sociopath who has agreed to only knock off bad guys.
My mom has; she likes it a lot.
56: I knew your mother and I had something in common.
I just chatted with a friend in OC who is a juvenile probation officer. Her biggest problem is kids who set things on fire, from waste bins to their siblings. Evidently it can develop into a fetish. [And some of you thought Leather Day at MoMa was kinky.] She interacts with the fire department a lot; she says a couple of studies show that some pyromaniacs become firemen. Those [very] few who are really over the edge set fires in order to put them out.
Her comment was that, given that pyromania is an impulse control disorder that is usually treated with behavioural conditioning - teaching the pyromaniac to associate fire-setting with negative consequences - that encouraging the behaviour is Not a Good Thing.
So let's hope the housesitter Becks had isn't a real pyro, just a kid careless with matches...
The book the show/character is based on ("Darkly Dreaming Dexter" - it may be part of a series, but if so it was the first book in the series) was pretty great. I haven't seen the show, but it was a great genre fiction book.