Someone needs a big ole glass of perspectivejuice.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ESPECIALLY ME
WHOSE FAULT IS THIS?
Ironically, a solution to social security would be to encourage everyone to smoke so they die younger and leave plenty of money in the system.
I'd say a glass of whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout juice.
We should just pass a law: either you kill someone on your 21st birthday, or you get killed.
As long as Leroy's mama's alive, smoke nazis must die.
This is great. Does Godwin's Law hold for newspapers?
5- Shouldn't it be your 65th birthday? That way you contribute to SS your whole life, then if you want to get retirement benefits you have to kill someone to make space in the program. UFC senior circuit.
9- now *that's* something I'd pay to see on Pay-Per-View.
That way you contribute to SS your whole life, then if you want to get retirement benefits you have to kill someone to make space in the program.
This would also work for tenure.
Translating Fontana Labs:
I want to see Yglesias in that ring.
Michael, that's a horrible mistranslation. "I want to see Yglesias in that ring" comes much closer.
14: That's not a ring, that's a tube or lumen. You need a photo of a sphincter to make your point.
9: That way you contribute to SS your whole life...
Godwin and I misread this, and our version is better. (Less guilt-ridden, at least.)
Admit it, people. There are more serious issues out there.
Come to think of it, there are more serious issues out there than about anything you could name.
Nice! I'ma have another cup of coffee and a cigarette while I enjoy my complacency.*
*Actually true. Have decided, after overspending on a party and then cleaning up the next day, that having money makes everything so fucking easy. Leftovers? No biggie, I'm not cash poor and nothing wrong with having a lot of wine around. Mess? No biggie, toss the (expensive) disposable plates in the trash, load the 12 wine glasses I bought into the nice dishwasher that holds stemware, pop the top of the easy-clean stove, put all the party stuff into ample storage, and hit the "clean" button on the Roomba.
Goddamn it's good to be rich.
Just you wait until the Revolution, b.
Are there buttons other than "clean" on the Roomba? Can you set it to make the carpet dirtier?
In Soviet Russia, easy-clean stove pops you!
9: I'm tempted. There are lots of people who need to vanish, starting with the drooling morons who try to get on elevators before others can get off and working around to dog-walkers with those retractable 20 bobby-trap leashes attached to defecating fashion accessories.
You wash the wine glasses? You don't just smash them after the party and get new ones next time? Pauper.
One doesn't put crystal in the dishwasher, of course, so either B's actually poor or she's some kind of parvenu.
18: I know. I'm wiping the tile counters with the environmentally correct and rather expensive and extremely effective all-purpose cleaner (that citrasolve stuff, if you're curious) and thinking, "we've been considering hiring someone to clean the house? How fucking lazy are we?"
19: Sure. You just empty the little dirt container somewhere other than the trash, and voila.
22: Yeah, I still retain some habits from my days in poverty. I refused to pay $40 for 4 wine glasses at Macy's (where I went after finding that the JC Penney sale meant that they were all sold out of their cheap glasses) but managed to get 12 for $8 at Target. Made in the USA, even, so no guilt about exploiting Chinese children.
23: Not poor. Cheap. Wine glasses break, and I don't myself notice a real big difference in the taste of the wine if you drink it out of crystal. So glass it is.
Don't gloat, B, not when some of us are still shopping at the Goodwill because we pretty much have to.
You can take revenge at UnfoggeDCon, JM.
I don't myself notice a real big difference in the taste of the wine if you drink it out of crystal
Not poor. Parvenu.
I can assure you that the Flophouse accomodations are excellent.
Can you assure us that you didn't post that with a knife to your ribs?
Unfortunately for you, though, I didn't get a chance to test out catherine's bed.
Why should that be unfortunate for me?
Hey, if you want to go in without any reconnaissance, that's your prerogative. I'm just trying to help here.
It's not as if I'll be sleeping in it.
Reading 13 and not bothering to click the link because I know what kinda funny cock joke Michael is making already and then reading 14 and sputtering OMG, you mean Michael had the opportunity to make that joke and tried for a different one--
26: Would you prefer it if I pretended that my current good fortune was nothing to be happy about?
28: Fine, parvenue. God forbid, the shame and horror.
we've been considering hiring someone to clean the house? How fucking lazy are we
Despite being a rather cash-poor person myself, I've found that having someone come twice a month to clean the house makes life much more pleasant.
You have crystal wine glasses, ben? That's pretty sweet.
39: No, it's much ruder not to be happy.
Should I wish for a Roomba? I can't quite ever tell if they would be worth-it helpful for our two-story, rugs-on-hardwood-and-a little-step-up-to-the-kitchen, numerous-shoes-on-floor duplex.
Well, they can't go up steps, obviously. But you can put it to clean a room, and then when it's done, pick it up and move it to the next room and press the button again. I'm not sure about the rugs thing, though; it tends to fold up the little bathroom rug, so I pick it up, but w/ a heavier one it might manage to do 'em both. But yeah, they do kind of require you to either keep crap up off the floor, or pick it up before running 'em.
Not that that's entirely bad.
You have crystal wine glasses, ben? That's pretty sweet.
I personally don't own any wine glasses at all, actually.
39.---Sorry to jump down your throat. As you suggest at the end of 17, it feels good to feel rich.
39: If it makes you feel any richer better, thanks to houseguests, my wife, my kids, myself and especially a certain goddamn cat that I can't wait to turn into a banjo, I don't have any crystal wine glasses either.
50: No, don't be; sorry I was stiff about it. It does feel good to be rich, and it feels shitty to be poor. It's not really gonna hurt me, sitting around watching a robot vacuum my floors, to have my friends schlepping to Goodwill being rolling their eyes and muttering under their breath at me.
51: Be nice to the cat, she's more valuable than any stupid wine glass.
more valuable
are we talking pre-or post-banjo transmogrification?
A new style: "banjo transmogrification" -> "banjmogrification". Probably works for other "turning something into X" compounds too!
When our cat is being particularly bad, we tend to threaten to turn him into cat fillet, but a banjo is far more amusing.
more amusing
Makes more sense from and ROI standpoint as well.
Let's take a moment to appreciate the genius of 2.
"as I get older and near retirement is people will live longer and as Social Security fails, what will be the Smoke Nazis' final solution to that problem?"
Yes, a "final solution" for the "problem" of too many elderly. That is clearly what the smoke nazis are going for.
Scott McLemee addresses the issues raised by Mr. Kleeberger in today's Crooked Timber.
Ok, maybe this to refresh everyone's memory:
According to the American Cancer Society, there are a total of 553,400 cancer deaths in the US in 2001. The fourteen cancer killers are lung and bronchial cancer (157,400), cancer of the reproductive system cancer (58,500), colon cancer (48,100), breast cancer (40,600), cancer of the pancreas (28,900), cancer of lymphoma (27,600), cancer of the urinary system (25,000), leukemia (21,500 out of which 2,300 are resulted from myeloid leukemia), liver cancer (14,100), stomach cancer (12,800), cancer of the brain and nervous system (13,100), cancer of the oesophagus (12,500), skin cancer (9,800) and cancer of the mouth and throat (7,800).
Has anyone here ever had a family or friend die of cancer? Is the writer now comparing the Nazis to the CDC? Maybe we should have the same policy as in China, where they don't have warnings on cigarette packages because the government wants to kill it's citizens before they reach retirement?
If you got-em, smoke-em. However, don't expect much help from future medicare or emergency services when you have a health problem related to smoking. You know, personal responsibility and all that entails.
I'm only being honest when I say that comments like 60 make me want to beat the commenter to death to illustrate the health risk of haughtily pointing out what every smoker already knows.
Smoking makes you smell like smoke, apo.
Don't shoot the messenger.
See, now that's useful advice, since I can hardly smell anything, due to smoking.
That's the difference between friends and dominoes.
The difference between friends and enemas is even more pronounced.
On a tangential side note, cigarette packs in Canada are twice as large as those in the U.S. because half of the packaging is dedicated to full-color, often gruesomely illustrated warnings about the dangers of smoking. Pictures of diseased gums & lungs, and the like. Though my favorite one says 'Smoking Causes Impotence' and features a cigarette, heavy with rather... limp ash.
66: Nah, the packs were that sized before the adds existed... .good thought though.
Ah. They're sort of funny, like someone's going to one day look down and say 'Holy shit, this stuff is bad for me?!?!' I imagine as far as the cigarette companies goes, it adds to the danger & mystique factor so they don't care so much.
That's a fantastic book, by the way. The author quit smoking while writing it.
I'm pretty sure no one still smokes IRL. It's just books/movies/blogs nowadays.
That's a fantastic book, by the way.
Agreed, except that I've actually only read the intro and part of one chapter.
The author quit smoking while writing it.
Is that in the parts of the book I haven't read, or something you picked up extra-textually?
It was in the introduction or foreword of the edition I read.
I love it when you see warning labels, "This product contains substances known to the state of California to be cancerous."
Loose tobacco and products with lead-covered wires are two such items.
69: yeah. The companies fought it tooth and nail, but I guess it's one of those things... so long as everyone has to put hte same warnings on, it doesn't really hurt them much. Or at least, not relatively. I somehow doubt they've been very effective.