Maybe an autographed copy of SkyMall for your brother.

A really good present for your brother/sister-in-law might be (I don't know your family dynamic) an offer to take the niece and nephew off their hands for a day or to do so periodically.

Is Christmas even about buying people things they need anymore? I long ago resigned to just buy people things that show I'm paying attention to what they like and that I know who they are. Hope of fulfilling a need seems bizarre for people who actually have disposable income. Presumably, people buy the things they need and want.

For the niece and nephew: they either don't have Brio wooden trains yet, or they do. If they don't, they need a set. If they do, they need additional pieces (particularly powered locomotives, but anything will do).

Problem solved. And get your brother a massage, of the spa rather than the brothel variety. Manly, yet consumable.

get your brother a massage

This would be wasted on, for example, me. But if your brother is as gay as you are, it sounds perfect.

My dad, now, he's a problem. He lives in an unfurnished house and amuses himself with library books and NPR. He has no interest in clothes or any other sort of luxury item. Luckily, he's also really unfussy -- I may wrap a cobblestone for him just to give him something to open.

5: Have you ever had one? I would have said the same, but man, is getting professionally massaged nice. If I were stupidly rich, I'd be doing that weekly.

He lives in an unfurnished house

Um? Where does he sit while reading the books from the library? Does he stand?

...I wish somebody would give me a cobblestone...

For your brother, you should get fancy cured bacon that you buy over mail order, or some other luxury consumable (specialty nut oil or boutique honey or the like). If it's not exactly to his taste, he can eat it and it will disappear.

I just went to Macy's and purchased for my own brother's Christmas gift several pairs of underwear, socks and a belt. So, you know, I know what I'm talking about.

LB, it's weird that we have the same father, isn't it? Nephew's into Thomas, but I've given a couple of engines already and I don't want to be too predictable.

Ogged, I know you prefer the kind with the happy ending (or, as you gays say, "release"), but therapeutic massage is really enjoyable. I don't know if he'd go for it, but it's a good thought.

is getting professionally massaged nice

I'm sure it is, LB.

specialty nut oil

We're having a family christmas, not making some sick pornographic film.

For the three-year-old, what about a kaleidoscope? Those are always good fun.

Presumably, people buy the things they need and want.

This is completely my experience. My sisters are still at the stage where they're not completely able to shop at will due to having small disposable incomes, but it's getting to the point where there's nothing really that they want for Christmas that they're going to wait until Christmas for, except for the stuff they can't afford.

I tend to lean towards buying them things I can judge that they'll like but probably hasn't occurred to them.

13 -- wait, those are distinct activities?

I don't know anything about your family, FL.

Cala, I hate you. I completely lack that ability, and I envy it in others.

If Skymall doesn't offer gift cards, they totally should start doing so.

Not that I've ever seen anything in there that I'd want to buy, but somebody must like that stuff.

The travel thing was a bad idea, I realize, though at least it enabled a funny comment. He's been travelling a lot for work for years, so the odds that I'll find some useful, nonannoying travel thingy are about zero.

You should get this for your nephew. Or for your brother. Or for me.

FL, if the FLing and FLette are permitted to watch videos, Pingu, a claymation penguin who talks in penguin-honks and squawks, is a ridiculously adorable series good for young kids.

First off, on the 1 + 3 year olds, my wife & I just decided to send a note to relatives begging them to send checks for the college fund, rather than additional (unneeded) toys. Especially since one of the grandparents is overindulgent to a fault (actually, to a compulsion, but that's irrelevant here), so my 2 yr old will never want for stuff. So, seriously: cash. Especially with kids 2 yrs apart - Christ, that'll cost.

15, 18: My wife didn't even know that possibility existed before she met my family - her upbringing was a succession of it's-the-thought-that-counts inaptness. But if you like your relatives, and see them enough, then you should be able to do OK. I find music to be a fruitful avenue for this - there's always a risk of duplication, but the gift of a new favorite album is invaluable.

22: If not, they can enjoy a tin of biscuit conditionals.

23: That only works if FL doesn't mind being a lame uncle. My siblings' opinions of me aren't going to change, but damn it, their kids are going to fucking adore me. So: boring gifts for my sibs, and AWESOME SHIT for their kids. I don't care if those toys are loud, messy and use up every battery in the house; they are going to be the BEST GIFTS EVER.

25: 1 and 3 are a little young for that strategy to really pay off.

Along the lines of 24.

Actually 26 is a pretty good argument in favor of contributing to the college funds I think. Also dollars that you contribute right now will have more impact down the road than dollars you contribute in a few years time, when those dollars could be better spent on cool presents that will impress them and make them think you are the cool uncle.

If you want to be one of those uncles.

Also.

30 is great. How could an uncle not be single? If he were dual he would be two uncles.

("Heather has Two Uncles")

Dude--I am your brother (well, except for the travel bit. Amd while my brother is hugely tall, he's not gay.).

Anyway, sign him up for X number of months in an of-the-month club. Bacon, olive oil, cheese, whatever. Igourmet.com seems to have some good clubs. He/I would love the cheese club.

If the baby is a future blogger.

My thought: just ask. People usually know what they would like. My family is ridiculously easy to buy presents for as we all just tell each other what we want. This my not work with other family dynamics however.

25, 28, etc: Actually, if you are, in fact, the cool uncle, the gifts are irrelevant. My daughter admires my sister like you wouldn't believe. My sister, unlike me & my wife, skis; so in one book, my daughter (again: age 2) makes us change the words to say "'Auntie Ronica' teaches me to ski," to reflect that Auntie could/will, in fact, do that. No bribes necessary (not that Auntie can help with the spoiling...).

I have no suggestions about the kids, for adult family/friends my advice is to work as hard as possible to leverage any information / taste advantages you may have. If there is some category of consumable that you know more about or have better taste in, try to give that.

I, for example, tend to give CDs as presents to all of my music liking friends since I buy more new music than most of my friends I am more likely to come across things that I think will interest them. It doesn't always work, but it works often enough to be appreciated.

I am usually lost when I have to find gifts for friends /family that don't like music however.

35: This was the other gift-giving concept that was hard for my wife to get. We simply do lists. The difference between a list and simply "ordering" a present is A. the list should be longer & more extravagant than any set of gifts should be, meaning surprise will remain; B. the list will almost certainly suggest similar, related gifts; C. the list will probably include some vague items (e.g. bike clothes, or colorful socks) that enable you to employ some taste/selectivity. But at least you're not off-mark completely. And if you're stumped, just pick something - you know they want it. No waste, no BS.

You should get your brother a years subscription to unfogged.

Give him an account name and tell him that it's paid up to allow him to comment for a year. Cite this post if he gets suspicious.

38: There's also the gift that piggybacks on another. One person buys the TV, the next the DVD player, the next the new DVDs, the next the set of snack bowls & beer glasses, etc.

They're called beer goggles, Cala. Goggles.

40: Yes, love that - especially when you smart at the small end. "Oh, coasters.... Great."

Best gift presentation I ever did: I found an old-fashioned glass Coke bottle, and gave it to my sister. She unwrapped it, and read the note, "Give this to J." Quizzically, she did so, upon which I tossed her a great throwback Mean Joe Greene jersey I'd found (she's a lifelong Steelers fan).

In case any of you don't get the reference:

42: Sweet.

The piggybacking gifts thing does require a lot of coordinating when opening the package. But it's good for a family with, say, several children where the younger ones can't afford a real present but are old enough to know that mom really doesn't want another macaroni wreath.

3 "... Hope of fulfilling a need seems bizarre for people who actually have disposable income. Presumably, people buy the things they need and want."

This is not true in all cases. For example I am both pathologically cheap and prone to sentimental attachments to my possessions. So I continue to use things like the 14 inch Samsung color portable TV I bought in 1984 long after most people would have upgraded. But when my brother recently bought me a 20 inch LCD set it didn't take me long to get used to it.

There are also things that you don't realize you will like a lot, for example in my case a trial subscription to netflix proved a great gift.

Of course I am also lazy and so generally just give money myself.

Screw the kaleidoscope, a pocket spectroscope. They learn and have fun. Lots of fun.

This thread is reminding me that I've done none of my Christmas shopping yet. I generally do what Cala mentioned in 15 and get people things they didn't know they'd like. However, this is hard to do deliberately, and usually requires that I start keeping an eye out for stuff a few months in advance. Thus, everyone's probably going to end up just getting books and mix CDs from me this year.

For the one-year-old.

Get the three-year-old a copy of The Gashlycrumb Tinies.

Anyone who wants to get me a present can buy me a 1TB (or, hell, 2TB) buffalo terrastation.

This thread's not all about you, ben.

Terrastation terrastation Terrastation terrastation terrastation terrastation Terrastation terrastation.

I could do with some advice for a cool 'old man' gift. My grandfather is 93 soon, and he's really hard to buy for. Last couple of years I've bought him audiobooks and CDs of music from his youth but I don't want to do that again this year.

I quite like 'craft' gifts for kids -- pinhole cameras, painting sets, that sort of thing. Or things that make a lot of noise. I gave my brother a didgeridoo one year, when he was about 8, which must have pleased my Mum.

Clearly you should buy him free-trade coffee. It's tonight's (tomorrow's, for you) special.

We're stuck on partner's grandfather so far this year, but in recent years we have bought him a weather station (one of those with a remote sensor you put outside and has a big digital readout inside), various warm clothing and accessories (he lives right on a particularly windswept bit of coast in south Wales and being 95 hasn't really got into fleece or other modern fabrics of his own accord), food, photo frames (he has a million photos all over the place), and random things the kids have made. He does loads of gardening (grows all his own veg and lots of fruit still), and has a load of 60 year old woodworking equipment that the kids adore, and those are two ideas we haven't yet used. Like the audiobooks or music gifts too.

For the 1 and 3 year old - ask their parents - if they've got lots of relatives giving stuff already, they'd probably be glad of the chance to coordinate some of the present-buying. With 4 children here and 3 lots of grandparents (divorced inlaws) I think things would descend into total chaos if we couldn't do a fair amount of steering.

Other presents we've bought so far include a framed photograph, theatre tickets and a Griffin RoadTrip. Partner may well be getting a ukulele ....

51 is great.

1 and 3 year olds are easy. Glow sticks. They'll go godamn nuts with playing with them. Better yet, they don't make noise, and you throw them out when they're done. Can be had cheap on ebay.

http://stores.ebay.com/TaxiMarket

Gave out cemetary plots last year: Haven't heard from anyone since. See, it works !

When my grandfather was in his late eighties/early nineties we bought him at different times bottles of excellent whiskey, really good warmly lined leather gloves, nice wooden shoe trees, a cashmere/silk scarf, various pipe-smoking related items, and a good hipflask. Not that I'm suggesting any of these are particularly cool.

Gloves sound good. I bought myself a pair of nice cashmere lined leather ones recently and they were quite inexpensive. That's a plan ...

Gloves, scarves, etc, are always part of my xmas giving. It's a little cliche, but it works out because my wife loses a pair of gloves every year.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one still scrambling to get gifts purchased at this late date. What is it about this year?

Oh, and does anyone still use paper datebook/organizers anymore? My wife just started a new job that involves a lot of scheduling and travel, and I was thinking of getting her this.

For the kids, toys that seem to have staying power (apart from the wooden trains) include the plastic or wooden food that's held together with velcro that they can cut apart with a toy knife; all matchbox or similar cars and tracks; plastic dinosaurs or other animals. For your niece, a nice big rag doll might work. For your nephew, maybe a big foam glider.

All small children seem to like the film My Neighbor Totoro which manages to be wholesome without being saccharine.

Good kids' books of relatively recent vintage: maybe Snowmen at Night, or Dinosaurumpus.

What is it about this year? I blame the weather. It just doesn't feel wintery yet. Can we reschedule for, say, late January?

books are great for someone who travels a lot, even if they're crazy busy. It's hard to get much done in an airport or on the plane. When I travel for vacation I am often too excited to do anything but make fun of sky mall and the in flight magazine, and would only read stupid books, but there's only so many times you can do that when you travel often.

my parents-in-law are wealthy enough that if they want something, they buy it, and they don't like surprises ever. We started paying to do fun things in NY together with them....going to the new MOMA when it opened, etc.

get your brother a massage

This would be wasted on, for example, me.

Ogged protests too much.

I thought of that when I posted, but no, still wouldn't do it.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one still scrambling to get gifts purchased at this late date. What is it about this year?

For me the gift scrambling is the same every year. It's the grad school war on Christmas. The rest of the world puts up lights and we get stupid papers to grade. But part of it seems to be that it feels almost like October here.

Hurrah! for Totoro. I almost mentioned him myself. My wife & I watched it for years before we had a kid. Makes me weep like a child (although not like a 2 year old - she gets inconsolable about that damn goat).

Try again on the Mean Joe spot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Iwnq0sFwRE

60: Here's a spectacular paper agenda.

58 reminds me of what I keep hoping my family will think to get me: an array of really good bourbons. I can't afford it, esp. not the super-premiums (like $40 for a fifth), but I'd love to explore. Somehow asking for that seems more greedy than asking for, say, a bike jersey. Maybe I just think, They should be able to figure this one out on their own, dammit.

the plastic or wooden food that's held together with velcro that they can cut apart with a toy knife;

This is excellent. Also, a weirdly popular little kid toy at 2-3 (and I swear it's unisex. People only buy them for little girls, and then the little boys whine and nag and snatch until they get to play too) is little toy strollers. There's something about charging around pushing a stroller that they all love. (Come to think of it, this may be a city thing -- I don't know if strollers loom quite as large for non-city kids.)

And little-kid musical instruments. Maracas, tamborine, xylaphones...

Yeah, Totoro is pretty awesomely great.

I've historically selected gifts for my young nieces and nephews by going into a large toy store and finding the toy that made the loudest, most obnoxious noise I could find. If it somehow make a mess too all the better.

This year I'm going to get something nice and quiet and civilized and hope that all is forgiven and forgotten. I fear I am to reap the whirlwind.

Buck was like that -- he gave every baby of his acquaintance the annoying FisherPrice popcorn-popper wheelie toy. Oddly, his friends didn't hurt us too badly. (His sister did -- loud toys that would keep on making noise forever without anyone interacting with them -- but she's like that.)

70: I fear for your safety.

68: Those push toys that make noise (we called them 'poppers') are also great. Though the parents might kill you. But if you live far away, they'll probably be too tired from the kid making all the noise to bother to drive up there and kill you.

ac, that link is great, btw. What kid wouldn't wanted a plush cuddly Socrates?

70: You're what's wrong with America.

Wow. Superpwned by 71.

The cuddly Socrates, when squeezed, should say "The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways - I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows."

Also available -- action figure Socrates with hemlock-drinking feature.

Annoying noise toys can get WAY more annoying than the popcorn popper on wheels or musical instruments.

We loved the popper we got Audrey. It's put away right now, but man, anything that would keep her distracted for five minutes, where you could keep track of her activities from another by simply listening to hear if the popping was still going--that was golden in the 15-21 month phase.

how about cuddly Trotsky?

78 -- The absolute worst (in my understanding of things) are the stuffed items which, when jostled, gelt out for seemingly about 5 minutes a lame lame version of (or takeoff on) a show tune. Like the stuffed duck with slicker and umbrella which does "Singin' in the Rain", or the stuffed baker (given at Hannukah by the insane) which sings "Matzah Man". Only marginally less bad are those that when jostled say something loudly but for not-as-long; and example would be the stuffed cat that if moved even slightly, yells "I just love to shop! Purrrrrrrrrr!"

("belt out")

78: yes. Also anything involving sirens.

whenever I go to CVS or a toy store or whatever I always have an impulse to set those things off, and end up backing away sheepishly. But I draw the line at buying them.

not really related, but this thread reminds me: did anyone see the Daily Show bit on Barney's christmas special last night? I take it that the annual dog's christmas video is real?

83 -- I saw that -- I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. It seemed like if that was indeed the video, not something cleverly dubbed in, then Bush was sending up his own incompetence -- but he wouldn't do that would he?

and example would be the stuffed cat that if moved even slightly, yells "I just love to shop! Purrrrrrrrrr!"

The same sister-in-law gave Sally a Big Bird like this as we left for the six hour ride home. I lasted about an hour, then tore its guts out to make it stop yelling.

Sally loved it after that -- kept it around for years.

Okay, so again, the little thinkers have no stuffed William James or John Dewey. What is up with that? I mean, *I* would want one of those for Christmas.

And if you squeezed plush William James, he would say, "the trail of the human serpent is over everything."

Those leapfrog things are way up there for me, annoyance-wise, as a non-parent. People seem to think that bringing them along to places like the DMV makes their child quiet, but it just substitutes an alternate horrible noise.

Why's it so hard to believe that the president would waste his time on an inane dog Christmas video? I mean, he wasted his time on the "hum, where *are* those Weapons of Mass Destruction video."

Obvs., Barney's existentialist angst audio was dubbed in.

85 -- did the Big Bird say the same thing? It would make even less sense coming from Big Bird than from a cat. -- I mean to say, the cat is a made-up character who can be imbued with any attributes the doll-mongers like -- but Big Bird is a pre-existing character with a personality that doesn't include diva-y consumerism.

I assumed that they added the Barney voice over and the rest was real.

red, next time you could politely point out that the leap pads have an earphone jack, and maybe they'd have the goodness to use it.

Slol -- right, I'm sort of wondering what was Barney's audio before it was redubbed -- I don't see how it couldn't be a lampoon of Bush's Iraq policy which seems like a weird choice given the historical moment.

I don't see how it couldn't be a lampoon of Bush's Iraq policy

You have limitless faith in the administration, don't you? You can't imagine some world in which they didn't critique their own policy?

82: you transitioned so smoothly into talking about Hannukah that I doubt anyone would have noticed.

For my part, I have very fond memories of the Tin Tin books, although obviously you'd be putting the parents on the hook to read 'em to the kids.

89: No, it was "HI! I'm BIG BIRD!" The sound box kept on working after I tore it out -- I was going to throw it out of the car window but Buck wouldn't let me because that would be littering. So it kept on shrieking until we got to a gas station where I threw it away. As we were pulling out, a guy threw something on top of it in the trash can, and it yelled "HI! I'm BIG BIRD!" He jumped pretty entertainingly.

No, I can -- but in that world, they don't create a Barney Xmas Video with Barney looking at diagrams of troop movements in Iraq. And some of the things George and Laura said on the BXV didn't fit in that world (which I would otherwise have taken to be this one) either.

96 -> 93

The absolute worst

Noisy things are bad but IMO the worst are toys with small & hard pieces, like the Fisher-Price people or the Hasbro Lite Brite plastic pegs. It's not that I cared if the kids choked to death, it was that stepping on those things in the dark with bare feet on a hardwood floor at 3am that harshed my mellow.

95: awesome.

red, next time you could politely point out that the leap pads have an earphone jack, and maybe they'd have the goodness to use it.

I wondered if they did! That is good to know.

Oh oh oh! For the one-year old, there is a gift which never fails: a stuffed fish bowl. This toy is the best: you put fish into it, and you take fish out of it. Occasionally you chew on the fish.

Plastic toys that make electronic noises should be classified as torture devices and banned under the Geneva Conventions.

Cala in 15--

"I tend to lean towards buying them things I can judge that they'll like but probably hasn't occurred to them."

Cala on playing Chopin etudes--

"I tend to just put my fingers on the keys and play the notes as they're written."

honey, you make it sound easy, but that's the whole difficulty of it.

Veering off-topic, 102 is reminding me that I want our somberoed motorcyclist friend to become a professional pianist, and release an album titled, "Chopper plays Chopin".

100: But for completeness sake and to save you possible embarrassment, I've just discovered that it's only the bigger, standard-issue leap pads that have earphone jacks, and not the mini ones. But it's the bigger ones you usually see/hear.

IMHO, leap pads are teh suck for intelligent kids, who very quickly get frustrated (as with so many electronic toys) that the toy wants to train them, rather than do what they want. I advise avoiding.

Aren't leap pads just Gameboys with a conscience (because Our Children Is Learning?) and more dull games?

For young kids--3 to 5--a box of matches promises days of fun.

107: Also: big insurance windfalls! It's a win-win!

For wee kids (who aren't yet little materialistic brats), buy clothes. In maybe a size bigger than they need. Or stuff like bath paint or bath crayons, which get used up and are really fun.

For my difficult elderly, rich, liberal friends, I bought a flock of birds from Heifer Int'l. For my aunt with MS, I bought bees from Heifer, and I'll get her a little something to open.

My mom gets a leather bound journal (very pretty) and a little xmas ornament tied onto the package. Dad gets a boxed set of Jones soda Holiday dinner (flavors: that was in my gturkey&gravy, dinner roll, etc.) b/c I couldn't resist, and I'll probably get him a subs. to the New Yorker as well. My sis got one of those mom calendars with columns for each member of the family (I know, it's lame, but they're SO USEFUL) plus help buying plane tix for her family to come out here. If I get around to it, I'm also going to frame a copy of an old poster from the Mexican revolution (it was in my grandparents' house for years, and we both loved it) for her. My older neice gets a copy of the new PotC, and my younger gets a couple of books. PK mostly gets books from me, but Santa will come through with some toys.

Total cost of holiday shopping (almost done, except for the Santa thing): about $300. Booyah.

a box of matches promises days of fun

This is a good point. In the same vein, a magnifying glass and a quick tutorial on how to fry ants with it is a lesson in energy, optics, hand-eye coordination, predation, and the circle of life. Plus, they'll think you're cool.

109 -- thanks for the great idea -- my dad is getting a water buffalo, I think, or a goat of some kind.

Yeah, Ben reminded me and I was like "duh!" It's pretty much the perfect gift for adults who don't really need shit.

111: I think I can go one better: a humane killer and an uncle with a backyard full of unwanted cats. That's not just fun, it's educational, and arguably could be the beginning of their coming-of-age stories.

s/b "110"

uh oh. first instance of mental overlap with ogged.

I too was thinking about magnifying glasses. It was about age seven or eight when my kid started burning a lot of things. Vast fun. The best thing is to go to office depot and get the 8.5x11 size fresnel sheet lens, you know, looks like a clear sheet of plastic with a lot of circular grooves in it. Far better collection than any sherlock holmes hand lens will give you--you can kindle asbestos with them.

so i assume this means i've remained on the phone line long enough that ogged has been able to trace my call, and now has the mental wire-taps in place, reading my thoughts.

well, read this one!

(A share in a water buffalo, that is.)

When I can't think of what to give a female relative, my defaults are nice-smelling soaps and pretty stationary.

I know it sounds lame, but I really love perfumed soaps, and nobody minds them even if they don't love them.

Unless they're allergic to perfume, but you'd know about that.

117 -- "nobody" s/b "nobody female". (And should have caveats like "ok, well, some women like Clownæ's wife and mother hate them, but on a general principle".)

wife sister

Even the really nice ones?

68 is correct: 3yos love toy strollers. PK had one.

Re. annoying stuffed toys that make noise, my dad (really, his wife) fucking lvoes to get us that shit. We had a hobbyhorse that said different things--in two different voices?!?--when you pinched his ears, and a "hip hop" bunny whose song about hip hoppin' for easter is the most appallingly white thing I have ever heard. Both of those "accidentally" got left behind when we moved.

The craft kit toys for kids are absolutely fabulous. Highly recommended.

In past years I got both my parents Netflix subscriptions. For the really old people, you know, probably the best gift is to spend a day with them.

121 -- to the best of my knowledge yes.

116: Why do you think I gave people birds and bees?

It is annoying to enclose "accidentally" in scare quotes. If you say "Both of those were accidentally left behind when we moved", the sarcastic voicing is understood without you needing to punch it up like that.

My own grandmother, who is quite old, quite healthy, and fairly petulantly senile, adores good homemade cookies more than anything else. This is extremely convenient for me, especially as somehow no one else seems interested in making them for her. If any of the people on your list might incline that way, an additional advantage is that food gifts get used up, so they are rarely much of a burden to receive.

124 -- I assumed it was something having to do with sex. But not sure.

"petulantly" is an awesome modifier for "senile".

Aha! Finally found the brand name of the soap I buy whenever I'm feeling rich (or really really sorry for myself): Roger & Gallet.

128: Not a bad band name either; Stanley -- did you catch that?

For the really old people, you know, probably the best gift is to spend a day with them.

Again, I think people are overlooking the humane killer.

131: People like home-made gifts, right? Bet you could make your own with an old .22 and some framing nails...

I am exceedingly fond of the $12/bar "lemon sugar" soap made by Fresh, and also of the pinchpenny habit of tucking the nice soaps into the dresser to fragrance my clothing for a few months before I break down and actually use the things.

132: But then you continually need to buy new nails (though maybe not for the really old). My understanding is that with a humane killer, the slug shoots out and then retracts back into the pistol. I assume most energy is spent washing rather than procuring parts. That seems important for people like kids and the very old, who may be housebound.

the pinchpenny habit

That's a charming phrase that I'm going to use all of the time, even when inappropriate.

"Petulantly senile" is, I think, the perfect phrase for my grandmother. She's always been both highly charming and highly self-centered; in combination with the senility, she comes off very much like a very pretty, spoilt eight-year-old.

My grandma is getting a couple of bars of Fresh soap this Christmas! Tuberose and, um, lavender-cardamom, I think the second was.

126: Perfect idea for my aunt, thank you.

135 -- Redfox is totally on top of the charming usages today.

137 -- I was like Wait, you're giving grandma tuberculosis for the holidays? Seems inappropriate to say the least.

The one I always find kinda difficult is my sister's husband, the museum curator. He's smart, but doesn't have time to read; he's not especially materialistic; and the main thing I know he likes, art and photography, isn't something I'm qualified to pick out for him. Thinking about it, though, I realized he's the same age, roughly, as all the guys here. So music it is.

95: so great.

the same age, roughly, as all the guys here

47?

And if you squeezed plush William James, he would say, "the trail of the human serpent is over everything."

Dammit. I want a plush Henry James and I want him to say "Cats and monkeys--monkeys and cats--all human life is there!" when I squeeze him.

Wine is always a good gift. Only if they drink, though. Otherwise it's a really lame gift.

I'd want my plush WJ to say, "..a positive and active anguish, a form of psychical neuralgia wholly unknown to normal life."

"Everyone knows what attention is."

"Dear Miss Stein, I understand perfectly how you feel."

143: Young---ish.

Okay, I know I'm coming in extremely late (especially since Hanukkah starts TONIGHT!) but . . .

In my capacity as the coolest aunt ever, I'm getting the 2-year-old twins those nylon tunnel things they can crawl through. Fun, quiet, portable.

For the 8-year-old niece, I think a kit that allows you to put together a brain. (When I tried to find it online, I found this creepy thing, but I saw it a groovy toy store.)

Also, something gross. She's at that age.

Good thing Hanukkah has a 7-day grace period for procrastinators.

The person I'm stuck on is my brother's mother-in-law, who's pretty much the female, sixytish equivalent of 141's in-law. That side of the family has a cheap Christmas gift policy ($5-10), but my go-to consumable gifts (fancy soaps, nice candy or homemade Christmas cookies, wine) are all out because she's not a perfume kind of person, doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, and Two-Buck Chuck doesn't make a very nice present. She likes to cook, so I thought about some kind of herb plant that she could grow on the windowsill, but I don't know about giving her a present that comes with the obligation to take care of it. An indispensably cool kitchen gadget might work, but I think she already has a microplane grater and I can't think of anything else. Arrgh.

Clearly, we here represent an adequate market for a William James plush toy. Oh, won't the catallaxy provide?

$8-10 wine is dramatically better than Two Buck Chuck...what about some exotic spices or other ingredients rather than herbs? I don't mean from the supermarket--do you have an Asian or Indian or Middle Eastern grocery store nearby?

though if your biggest problem is your brother's mother in law I don't know why I'm giving you gift advice.

Herb plant sounds kinda good to me--rosemary's easy, and smells nice. Or you could go with fancy vinegar, or a wine bottle stopper (if she drinks), or the new trendy artisan honeys (I love blackberry myself, but manuka honey, i.e. tea tree, or buckthorn isn't so sweet. Plus interesting cooking potential). Or fancy tea in a nice tin. I've gotten nice and inexpensive foodish gifts from Trader Joe's, if there's one near you. Niman ranch has really good bacon or sausage for under $10. Or a nice cheese. Or Tamari almonds (Trader Joe's has 'em) in a pretty box or something.

155 to 151. Oh, and if you're looking for an inexpensive yet really nice wine, this Joel Gott Sauv Blanc (just over your price limit, but I swear I've seen it in shops for a little less) is really quite good.

Ooh, a lavender plant might be a nice gift.

Tamari almonds are yummy.

Good thinking, Katherine! I got an ounce of saffron for my birthday recently, and it has made me so very happy. And smug, and a bit giddy.

You can find very good prices for spices online; don't pay more than $30/ounce for saffron, and even that's too steep.

You people who live in California have access to cheaper and better nuts than people in the rest of the country; my mom ships walnuts and almonds to a lot of her relatives for Christmas.

It's a bit late for this, but I repeat my recommendation for World Spice as an online source for spice. There spices are great and I met the guy who runs is a while back and he's a good guy.

I can't remember how much I paid for the saffron I got last year (of which I still have some, since I don't really know what to do with it and am a terrible no good very bad cook in general), but could it really have been around $30/oz? wow.

Vanilla beans are pretty nice.

I swear, California is food nirvana. I thought I'd lose weight since the weather doesn't suck and I'd get out more, but I seem to be putting it on instead. Oh well.

Nuts. California's just full of them.

Thanks for the suggestions in this thread. I got a 2-yo niece Totoro. I also got her an Alligator Records retrospective collection because she's into the blues lately. Toddlers these days!

Saffron = paella. Risotto. Etc.

Mr. B. brought me back about 3 oz of saffron once from Saudi Arabia. Sigh....

MD, funny. PK is a big fan o' the blues too. Which thank god....

An ounce of saffron is a shitload of saffron, Ben. My ounce fit in a box that's, um, like ten CD jewel cases stacked up.

The trick with saffron, Ben, is that you have to let it infuse in a bit of hot water for about half an hour before it's released its flavor. You may know this; I didn't until recently. Then you can add it to a crème fraîche sauce for pasta, or to stews, or to almond brittle, or, as I did recently, to icing for sugar cookies.

An ounce of saffron is a shitload of saffron, Ben

Right, forgot about that.

I just got mine to make some bouillabaise. It was good.

Jack: I actually knew that before the first time you told me.

170.--Sorry. I was so excited about finding that out.

Tell me more about this crème fraîche sauce business.

Crème fraîche sauce for pasta is often my I'm-starving-there's-nothing-in-the-fridge-but-condiments solution. If you have butter and onions, you sauté those together. If you have any vegetables, you sauté those in. Then, no more than two minutes or so before your pasta is ready to serve, chuck in two or three tablespoons of crème fraîche. Let it melt, stir it, let it bubble a bit, but it shouldn't cook too long.

Somewhere in the middle of that last step is a good place to add some saffron-infused water.

This recipe is beneath you, I can tell.

I never have crème fraîche.

It can be a handy thing to have around, and it takes a long time for a container to go bad--almost a month, I'd say.

I've seen recipes for growing it at home from cream, but they make me very nervous.

Sylvia helped me make a Water Buffalo Christmas card for my dad that was way way nicer than the one Heifer Project gives you to print out. Though it was very nice to have fixed my printer last night and be able to print the Water Buffalo photo as a model for Sylvia, who was not sure what one looks like, to use in her drawing. A drawing which, I should point out, took me by surprise at her grasp of proportion.

There is pretty wide range of food gifts, which are my usual choice for most nowadays--gourmet soups, crabcakes, fruits, exoctic teas or coffees. Gift cards can be nice, too especially for home or kitchen items--from Home Depot, or Crate and Barrel.

178: Ooh, a hand-drawn little kid's card! Most clever. I printed out the one they offer, but I may indeed have to redo it....

Not very sexy or especially fun, but almost all travelers on my gift list are getting a solid selection of ziplock bags and an assortment of small jars and bottles. All are 3ozs or less and includes atomizers and dram-sized (think perfume samples) bottles and pipettes to transfer perfumes too. This was NOT an easy task, but I did find much of what I wanted on ebay and made up nice gift bags.