Chocolates. Chocolate is universally recognized as A Really Nice Little Gift.
A Mineshaft gift-certificate?
Also, high-end sex toys are nice, and universally considered to be in good taste.
Huh. And I just got a call saying they may not show after all, so chocolate is recyclable.
I should have said "lawnmower," to build controversy and allow others to participate, before I laid bare the foundation.
("lawnmower" being of course a euphemism for a pubic-hair trimming device -- similar to chocolate in its recyclability I hasten to point out.)
A young couple in their early 20s? Get them a black market baby.
If this is the couple for which you baked the cake for the shower, kitchen stuff might be useful (they recently moved, yes?) and usuable by you if they do not show. That said, chocolates is an excellent idea too, and if they do not show, you can eat the chocolates after dinner.
black market baby
They might prefer a Mexican market baby -- some people are picky that way.
Young people like myspace. Get them one of those.
And on a more helpful note: movie gift certificates are nice.
A-and wait; you baked a cake for her shower and yet you still consider her a total stranger? That seems odd to me. I mean you went to her shower and spent an afternoon with her right? You didn't get any sense of her as a person? Perhaps a book of cryptograms would be an appropriate gift for such a cipher.
She's polite, a good listener, and doesn't talk a lot. And baby shower talk, particularly with people you don't know, is very pregnancy-story oriented rather than general 'So, what do you guys do for fun?'
If decide to go with booze, I recommend vodka. It's the most versatile of the hard liquors, and I can't imagine someone who drinks hard liquor not drinking vodka.
Get them a black market baby.
I always love watching people open these on Christmas morning.
"Wow, what could this be?"
"Stop! Don't shake it! You'll snap its neck!"
17 -- no way dude. Wine is a much nicer gift for somebody you don't know.
Get them a black market baby.
Just make sure you have the baby properly examined before you give it to them.
Could you ask someone who does know them better whether they drink, or would that be too direct an approach?
Also, gift cards make good presents for total strangers.
I don't not drink vodka, but I'm pretty much exclusively on gin for mixed drinks at the moment so as to obtain that delightfully retro 1958 housewife vibe. Clearly what any young couple needs is a pint of Gordon's.
17 is crazy, unless LB knows they have a well-stocked liquor cabinet already.
I think this is the situation for gift cards. NPR says that gifts of gift cards to people we actually know intimately has gone way up, which is boring, but gift cards are appropriate for strangers.
something small, nice, and slightly exotic--
have you thought about a few millicuries of Polonium?
I like to give a gift certificate for the Ritz Carlton's chocolate buffet. Used to be $15 per person; now I think up to $18. I assume NYC has a swanky hotel or two that has some event like this. What is lovely about the Ritz is that for the price of the buffet you get all the ambiance and the pomp and theatricality and people-watching, without the $300 room rate. It's a fun excuse to dress up and eat something delicious.
And, as others have pointed out, it's always good to have a gift that you can use for someone else and/or keep for yourself if the guests don't show.
Boar semen is always appreciated.
I haven't yet gotten anything for my wife, and don't know what to get. Also, my wife's birthday is Christmas day. I haven't gotten her a birthday present either. I am so fucking screwed.
Gift certificates for a massage and a day spa, Brock.
19 is conventional wisdom, but I submit that, given the division of wine drinkers on the white/red axis, you are more likely to please J. Random Boozehound with a gift of vodka.
Or you could go with a bottle of Jägermeister, which should liven up the Xmas party, as the recipients will feel compelled to open it up and have everyone do shots.
I am so fucking screwed
So you think your wife is going to adopt a protest strategy the exact opposite of what Aristophanes envisioned in Lysistrata?
You could get them a CD; some musical artists are popular with just about everyone nowadays.
Jägermeister really is the best gift to bring to a party where you do not know many people.
34 -- While this might make a nice adjuct to another gift (like see my 3 and 5), I would argue that an invitation to do something is practically never a proper gift on its own.
My first thought was that you should purchase Barack Obama, but that's probably too much of an investment in someone you don't really know.
How about you purchase the asshole in my building who for some reason thought it necessary to stop my dryer load so he could determine whether my underwear was damp enough to remove from the dryer?
Why not a bound copy of the complete works of Dsquared?
Or else, what about an Iraq? Then you run off and leave them to work it out!
Whether your underwear was damp enough to use as a piñata?
What candy would spill from Cala's damp underwear?
I don't know about Cala, but it's looks like by "Bag-O-Goodies" just exploted.
I am drawing so many fan arts of apostropher.
Whoa, Cala, that's beyond the pale. What an incredible asshole.
I hate it when people touch my laundry, even when I recognize it's justified; what this dude did was just a violation.
I know. And then he's making small talk!! I'm like, fuck off, I can get removing the stuff from the washer as I was 30 seconds late but there is no reason to check the dryer load WHEN THERE ARE TWO DRYERS FREE. At least no reason that doesn't you a pervert, future piñata.
And as a result, I think I shrunk one of my sweaters. I am really pissed.
Whoa... two dryers free? That really is way beyond unacceptable.
It is sad that women essentially assume the risk that someone is going to check out their underwear if she walks away from the dryer or washer.
Christ, sorry for making light. Calabat is the answer.
I could happily give up many current luxuries, but going back to coin-op laundry would be one of the hardest.
Seriously, I think you'd be justified in saying, next time you see him, "Hi, Mr. Neighbor, nice day, oh, and if you touch my laundry again I'll hunt you down and cut off your toes. See ya!"
Of all the crimes Guiliani wanted to punished, he didnt include laundry fondling?
(Our guileful former mayor...)
The former mayor who was clearly a laundry fondler himself.
going back to coin-op laundry would be one of the hardest.
Preach it. Having to go back is what motivated my all-plastic wardrobe. I'll wash my stuff at home thanks.
And dittoes to "incredible asshole" to the laundry fondler.
I could happily give up many current luxuries, but going back to coin-op laundry would be one of the hardest.
Same here. I dread the prospect of renting for a year wherever we wind up moving for my next job, because of the prospect of a return to coin-op laundry. Noooo!
Oddly, I've rarely had problems with the laundry room. But one day I will have my own washer and dryer and I won't ever have to look for quarters again!
It's the most versatile of the hard liquors, and I can't imagine someone who drinks hard liquor not drinking vodka.
Right here. Vodka sux.
You and I can never marry, w-lfs-n. You'll have to content yourself with that picture of my cock.
Are you admitting to having sent one in?
I don't think they were retrieved from the old server, actually. All the cock pictures have vanished into the great bitbucket in the sky.
Ben, we've been over this. I have them.
A photo frame? Always a good standby I find, especially if they're going to have a baby.
If she's pregnant, you can't buy booze. What are people thinking? (Not that pregnant women shouldn't drink, but that most pregnant women ime buy that bullshit, so you might as well just assume she has, too.) Gift cards are teh lame-ass gift. Chocolate's great, unless she's reading that WTEWYE bullshit.
In other words, I have nothing helpful to say.
Brock, you're screwed. Then again, my husband's doing the "what do you want for Xmas?" thing, so he's in trouble too. And Apo's right: spa day, if you can't think of anything else. DUH.
(Not that pregnant women shouldn't drink, but that most pregnant women ime buy that bullshit, so you might as well just assume she has, too.)
Whaaaat?
Come on Ben, she lets her kid smoke, whaddaya expect?
75: Most pregnant women don't drink. This is news?
But one day I will have my own washer and dryer and I won't ever have to look for quarters again!
This alone is reason enough for me to dread the possible return of coin-op. Ugh.
My surprise was that you expressed the opinion that it's ok if pregnant women do drink.
The studies about fetal alcohol syndrome were conducted by observing women with severe drinking problems and seeing what happened to their babies. There isn't a whole lot of hard data on whether a glass of red wine with dinner once a week causes the same sort of damage. Understandably, there aren't people lining up to test it, but it's apparently not unheard of in Europe to have a drink while pregnant.
79, see 80. I had the odd drink when I was pregnant. And you met PK last night. FAS kids are hyperactive and have learning disabilities. Was PK hyperactive?
I'd read in the NYer (I think) that the point at which fetal risk jumps up is 2 drinks/day, and I've known a few women who report that their OB/GYNs say it's fine to have a glass of beer once in a while.
Right, moderate drinking won't harm a fetus, but nobody has established what the safe level is (and it would vary from person to person most likely), so the medical literature just errs on the side of caution and says don't drink.
Nobody should worry about a glass of wine with dinner.
Was PK hyperactive?
Hmmm. No. But his spelling sucked.
"the medical literature just errs on the side of caution and says don't drink."
s/b
"the medical literature just errs on the side of bossing women around and tells them don't drink instead of telling them the facts and advising them to use their judgment."
Ever compared the wording on the warning labels re. drinking and driving--"use caution"--to the ones about pregnancy--"should not drink"? I've got an entire series of rants all ready to go on this subject.
his spelling sucked.
Yeah, I admit I'm a little worried about that. It probably wasn't the booze, though. Maybe all the shaking.
Hey, British persons! What does "hallows" mean to you?
Wondering about the upcoming HP book, Armsmasher?
Yah--what does "hallows" actually mean? It's translated to "hollows" for Am. audiences, but as far as I can tell "hallows" doesn't mean "hollows".
"Godric's Hollow" is the name of the place where Harry's parents were murdered.
You mean like "All Hallows' Day"? Means "saints".
91: Was it called "Godric's Hallow" in the British print?
A hallowed area? A hollow barrows?
"Deathly Hallows" is kind of lame.
The title is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. All the stateside papers are calling it . . . Hollows.
Hallows are the parts of a hare given to dogs after a hunt, apparently.
Or shrines, as I suggested—hallowed areas.
OED says it can also mean "the gods of the heathen or their shrines".
Maybe Harry is going to square off with Voldemort at the place where Voldemort killed his parents. Or maybe that's where the last horcrux is (or was created, if Harry is the last horcrux).
93: Unless the British HP fans have very little net presence, I'd say no.
I'm kind of hoping that Neville is the last horcrux. There are some kinks to work out in the science of horcrises in order for this to be true, but wouldn't that be satisfying?
i feel sure that neville's gonna bite it.
thanks ben!
The end of the sixth book in a seven-book series is awfully late to be a) breaking the narrative model for the other books and b) introducing a new quest-motif. I don't think she's shooting for a second series, but I do think this last book is going to be 1,500 pages long, and late.
Something has to be up with Neville. But if Harry has kill him/let him die, that's going to suck. Or maybe Harry will decide not to kill Neville, thereby ensuring that Voldemort lives on--'cuz evil can't really be vanquished, you know. God, I can't wait for the last book and I don't care who knows it.
No way man, Neville heroically sacrifices himself in the end to kill the big V. And Harry tries to stop him, but can't, and it is going to be So Sad.
i think 106 has got it; that's what i think will happen, anyway.
also if harry dies i will kill everybody.
Snape is probably going to be vindicated, to die, tragically.
Neville heroically sacrifices himself in the end to kill the big V
This does seem likely.
Harry sacrifices himself, allowing Neville to deliver the death blow to Voldemort. Two characters will die, but is it two only? That can't be right. Voldemort/Death Eaters have to take out a few more in the course of the book.
It's going to be a bloodbath! Cho? Ginny? Ron, or one of the Weasley twins? Could be! Draco? Maybe. Lucius? Likely!
and what was the clue that neville is himself a horcrux? missed that one.
When did we learn that horcruces don't have to be inanimate? I better go re-read the series to confirm.
Not a horcrux, but the prophecy was that "yadda yadda, born on the such and such date yadda yadda and neither can survive while the other one lives...." Harry was born on the date in question, and everyone assumes that he's the one who can't co-exist with Voldemort, but Neville was also born on that day...
When did we learn that horcruces don't have to be inanimate?
I don't think the books say, one way or the other.
I'll go on the record with my prediction: Hagrid is so dead.
My other prediction: In Book 1, there was an empty spot in the window of one of the shops, Olivander's I think. That's important in some way.
116: Dumbledore speculated that Nagini the snake was a horcrux.
an easy bet that ginny will survive.
but will she be designated as dumbledore's replacement?
that way the series could end with the reopening of hogwarts.
or is she headed for the ministry?
118--
man we're getting macaronic here.
I'll drink vodka, but only if there's nothing actually interesting around to drink. Vodka is for people who don't like to drink but want to get drunk anyway. And it's astounding what such people will pay for a pretty bottle of basically the same damn clear spirit that's in Smirnoff bottles. Suckas, the lot of them.
I bet one of the Weasley twins will die.
Granted that I didn't know what a horcrux was ("Huh? a whore on crutches?") until just now when I read the Wikipædia article; but that makes it seem like a non-inanimate horcrux would be pretty counter-productive, since the purpose of a horcrux is to confer immortality on its maker -- if the horcrux is itself mortal, it won't work so well. Am I missing something here?
"Hollows" is a terrible sub for "hallows".
Vodka is distlled and redistilled to such high proofs that any trace of the original distilled stuff is disappeared, which makes it somewhat mysterious why people have opinions about the relative merits of, say, Ciroc over grain vodkas*. However, apparently vodka makers are allowed to add back in trace amounts of flavoring chemicals, glycerine for smoothness, etc., plus the water used to bring things down to bottle proof makes a difference. High-end vodka is basically pure profit.
*this may not have been true in the past, though.
108 must be right, too. Snape dies in saving Harry's life; and Neville dies in killing Voldemort. Fred/George, Aunt Petunia and Dennis Creevey all die, just to make it extra tragic.
No, not Fred/George! I take it back. Poor misguided Percy: Goodbye!
124: Yes, and that's remarked upon in Book 6. Basically, Voldemort is so evil that he creates horcruxes (horcruxen?) just for the sake of doing it, and not as part of advancing his ambition of immortality.
Mrs. Weasley would be a good one to kill off, for sheer tragicness.
not sure it's so much a vehicle for immortality as a spare key for life-continuation.
the soteriology/eschatology/psychology is all a bit dim and hazy, imo, but the horcrux seems to function like a spare soul--if 'i' get killed off in one animate form, then 'i' can take refuge in another soul-portion located elsewhere, sc. my horcrux.
all a bit dubious if you've thought much about personal identity. but as the test of the colored bottles in book i showed, jkr is not so good at logic, just really, really good at telling a story.
no knocks on her if her animism is not very coherent--that's how fairy tales tend to be.
You people are terrible. Not Neville--I like Neville! Admittedly I've only read parts of one or two books, but it was so sweet when he learned to dance for the ball.
High-end vodka is basically pure profit.
Donald Trump is launching an eponymous brand of vodka, which only proves w-lfs-n's point.
you know, bphd raises a good point: neville is a very sweet character.
so I guess that means the author would never kill him off.
good thing we've got an expert on literature to guide us here.
The spare soul thing is an old trope. Crops up in Norse mythology. Except I think actually they hid their (original) souls elsewhere, without ginning up new souls.
135--
ginning up new souls--christ, w-lfs-n, can you lay off the sauce for one comment at least?
you act as though there's some connection between spirits and spirits, or aqua and vita, which is clearly ridiculous.
Rowling has declared that she's going to finish the series and be done with Harry Potter, but does anyone know whether she or Scholastic owns the rights to further series?
As much as I've enjoyed the books, more fascinating to me is the Harry Potter publishing phenomenon. There has never been anything like it, and I'd be surprised if it dies quietly after book seven.
136: I threw all my cares away after putting my soul in an old bottle of aquavit.
yeah, i put mine in a bottle of tequila, and people thought it was a worm.
126 is true, but I still maintain that vodka is the most suitable liquor for gift-giving, if you don't know the tastes of the recipient.
If someone gave me a bottle of vodka as a present, I'd consider it an insult.
"What, you think I have no taste? Thanks a LOT, racist!"
135 - A heart in an egg in a nest in a tree in the churchyard on an island on a lake no one has ever seen, and the like, yeah? That's familiar.
I would find vodka an odd gift, myself.
Vodka hidden in an egg in a nest in an ash tree among the rocks on the island shrouded by mists at the center of the lake at the top of a mountain that no one has ever climbed, though, I guess could be OK.
How many lakes are there at the tops of mountains, generally?
More than you might think, young Ben.
And there'll be more soon, with the melting of all of Earth's glaciers and whatnot.
144, 145: Okay, I concede. Vodka makes a lousy gift.
This is why my wife does all the Christmas shopping for our families.
basically the same damn clear spirit that's in Smirnoff bottles. Suckas, the lot of them.
Did you see the Mythbusters where they did a blind tasting of a cheap vodka, a high-end vodka, and the cheap vodka put through a Brita successive times? The vodka connoisseur ranked them correctly, from worst to best: cheap, put through a Brita once, twice...high-end vodka. It was pretty impressive. One of the show's regular hosts also ranked them correctly, but with two of the Brita iterations reversed.
Ben, Ben, Ben. Please tell me you've gotten into the Sierras once or twice since moving out to California?
Ben. Please tell me you've gotten into the Sierras
He never said he didn't like beer.
I get homesick when I think about granitic outcroppings.
Please tell me you've gotten into the Sierras once or twice since moving out to California?
I doubt Ben has a shot at the obvious Sierra, much less the others.
BTW, Ogged, you should take a look at this.
You fucker. But I realized what it was before the picture loaded. The only problem is that revenge will be difficult, since there's nothing I'm willing to look at that I don't think you would look at. Hairy balls, maybe.
Do pictures of star-nosed moles freak you out, Ogged?
42: Alex, we were talking about you tonight at Justin's blog book launch. Not a lot, obviously.
OMG, I hate you all. My little brother and I were at dinner and came up with this great theory about how Neville was the last horcrux and he would sacrifice himself and yadda yadda yadda and log onto Unfogged and see that you all beat us to it.
Y'all suck.
Generally, those of us who want to keep up with the intellectual life of the polity don't turn to teenagers first, Becks.
I wouldn't be surprised if the Harry was the horcrux. I can't see it being Neville, though. Maybe this has already been pointed out before, but, from near the end of book 2:
"You can speak Parseltongue, Harry," said Dumbledore calmly, "because Lord Voldemort...can speak Parseltongue. Unless I'm much mistaken, he transferred some of his own powers to you the night he gave you that scar. Not something he intended to do, I'm sure..."
"Voldemort put a bit of himself in me?"
"It certainly seems so."
I don't think Neville is a horcrux, but it's not unlikely that he's the boy in the prophecy.
You don't trust Dumbledore at all, do you? But, do you really think that Rowling would be willing to let go of her "there's no such thing as fate" lesson?
Moles with stars upon thars are so great. Ogged, you're crazy.