I hope you made sure that she had health insurance and that you contributed to soem sort of retirement savings account.
She's had health insurance throughout, and we've been paying into Social Security throughout. Other retirement savings have been up to her.
I was trying to write this in a way that didn't sound too self-congratulatory: we've paid a premium for her services over what the people I think of as peers pay, and it was expensive for us. On the other hand, we weren't paying all that much once the taxes were paid and she was taking it home. And, we had the option to pay reasonably well solely because I'm overpaid -- people I'm comparing myself to, who pay what I think of as obscenely low wages for childcare to people with no other options, themselves don't have the economic ability to pay anything civilized. I don't want to live in a society where rich people can have civilized relationships with their childcare providers, and everyone else is stuck exploiting each other. I want to live in a society where no one is desperate.
I didn't think that you sounded overly self-congratulatory; I didn't mean to imply that you did. (I realize that my tone sounded a little snotty.) I don't know whether she worked for an agency--that *might* make it easier to get health insurance, but it does highlight how complicated things like retirement planning and other benefits can be for small employers. It would be awfully complicated for you to set up a qualified plan if you wanted to match her contributions. And when an individual purchases insurance, it's rarely tax deductible unless s/he incorporates, and then you're just an independent contractor. Social security is great, but it would be great to have--in addition--a top-up portable 401K. Plus, you know, universal healthcare.
"This is a large part of the selfish reason I favor redestributive social programs; I really, really don't want to deal with desperate people in any capacity."
Any decent human being would feel the same way. The question is: Are there enough decent human beings like you to make a difference? I think not, and that a sad statement about our society. If we could only wave a magic wand and eliminate Intolerance and Greed.
I have always been a fan of the phrase, "You get what you pay for." This includes goods and services. The people who cheap out on childcare are asking for problems with their nannies/babysitters. LB paid a premium and seems to have received premium service.
we have never had any kind of childcare. we have always had two careers. they have always been in ruins.
we have tried handing over the kids once or twice. my wife's mother has taken them for a night here and there, when she has been in town. In fact, she accounts for probably 3 out of the 5 times that we have spent the evening away from our kids since they were born, over ten years now. good thing we never much liked going out, even before kids.
we once tried a nanny who came very highly recommended from very close friends. it just didn't work out--after about two days it was clear that she was not someone we wanted spending time with our kids. it was a shame--it meant giving up some career aspirations, scaling back others, doing a bad job at the ones we had. but we couldn't see asking our kids to spend hours a day with someone we would not be willing to spend hours a day with.
so...child care has always been me or her, her or me.
let me tell you--buck is just completely delusional. but there's nothing i can say now to convince him, and in a few months he won't need convincing.
since you're used to care, you'll go back to it. start interviewing for your next, soon.
This is a large part of the selfish reason I favor redistributive social programs; I really, really don't want to deal with desperate people in any capacity.
This cannot be highlighted enough. Desperation creates crazy incentives. I just had a conversation about a university policy of paying grad students $200 a head for "recruiting" people to take a course they are teaching. Apparently this is creating a situation in which faculty and staff are entreated to sign up for the course (since it is free to them) regardless of genuine interest.
That's a petty example -- although for a grad student living on a stipend and sending money home due to an unexpected family crisis, not quite so petty. Others are a lot worse. Last spring I met a woman who had to quit her (legal, decent-paying) job in the U.S. to hurry back to France to get her children from her mother, who was suddenly called back to Africa to care for her dying mother. Heartwrenching enough to leave your children across an ocean while you seek better work -- how awful to have to give up after you cross so many hurdles to get here.
I think he'll manage okay -- she took a month off in November to go back to Colombia for the first time in a decade, and he did fine. I worry that it'll be a strain long-term, but it's sustainable at least for awhile. And I, of course, am looking for a job that gets me home a little earlier in the evenings.
We had a regular babysitter for a few years, who was a bit daffy and hippy-dippy, full of notions, but my daughter loved her and the bond was real. Not desperate. My wife's teaching schedule permitted substantial time home, so it was never one day after another. We've always considered ourselves lucky that the choices we made felt right to us when we made them, and haven't regretted them since. This was when our income was highest so it was easiest to pay for. I've always been home for the evenings. Had either of us had a more demanding career, it would have been a lot harder.
looking for a job that gets me home a little earlier in the evenings
You should totally write a syndicated column of some sort. Maybe a mix of political opinion and advice. You could be crazily successful.
She should finish astronaut school first, then write the syndicated column from space.
That would work. Except probably she would have less time to spend with the kids.
The kids would become rockets, which she would use to launch herself into space. Disconsolate, Buck would cry a fountain of black tears that would destroy the universe. I think this is entirely reasonable.
Buck drinks the world and draws all colour to him.
that would destroy the universe
Kinda defeats the purpose does it not?
But does solve the childcare problem. No universe, no problem.
I may adopt that as a general motto. And start plotting the destruction of the universe.
And start plotting the destruction of the universe.
Apparently, liberals have problems with mission creep. Let's finish the job we started first, okay?
Without tooting my horn too much, I will say this much to calm any fears anyone might have for my sanity. I fully realize the difficulty of what I am doing, with running a business and taking care of the kids in the afternoon. But it can be done. In fact, it has been done.
Because I need them to understand what we are doing, both Sally and Newt have given me plenty of feedback on how we can get through the days without losing our minds. Sally was already doing her homework in my office half the time as it was in the afternoons. On that front, not much will change. And Newt doesn't really have homework yet, but he does have plenty of stuff to keep him occupied until dinner and bath.
I have thought about this considerably before making a decision. I knew I was crazy when I bought Nancy a gym membership so she would have something to do while the kids were at taekwondo three times a week. Now, Nancy keeps her gym membership, and I have one, too, and I go to the gym with the kids and get up off my ass three times a week.
As much as I love having Nancy and the entire nanny network around, and kids roaming all over the apartment during my work day for the past seven years, I really must tell you that taking time out of my day to pick my kids up from school and having a snack with them is well worth all of the late hours I am going to put in. I was working until 10 PM anyway. And now, I work til 10 PM, but I get an energy boost from being in the gym and the satisfaction of taking care of my kids and teaching my children to help take care of the house and themselves, too. This is how I was raised, and it seems perfectly normal to me. I did dishes standing on an apple crate because my Mom worked nights, and my sister and I were cooking dinner from a very early age.
I have to admit, though, it is a bit comical from about 2:45 PM to 8:45 PM. I do interviews sometimes with two kids in two different baths, and then crank out dinner while I am waiting for an edit on a story.
We'll make it.
Wow. So much for "Moderate SafeSearch".
That was great, Buck. How much do you read this site? My wife reads it every so often, and will sometimes offer an opinion or judgment about something/someone she's read here.
As a generator of content who runs the household and a small publishing company, I don't have a lot of time to read. So I haven't read Unfogged very much.
Unlike LizardBreath, who can read the New York Times as fast as she can turn the pages, I am a bit dyslexic and read about twice as fast as I can talk. Which, by the way, is the speed at which I write. So, I read slow but write about as fast as any person alive. Hence, my reading is somewhat limited to technical stuff that is boring, but it pays the mortgage and keeps my five employees and half dozen part-time writers paying their mortgages.
As I write all day, I listen to several different public radio stations, and I try to catch the NewsHour at 7 and then the local news at 10 and then 11. I read the Nation, the Atlantic, the New Yorker, Scientific American, and Technology Review fairly religiously, too.
When I do get to read at the end of the day, usually with the news in the background, I tend to go into history these days, and more often then not, political history. I have always been big on the Founding Fathers, and part of me belongs in the 1770s. I have also been reading a lot on energy issues and new technology in the field, since I think this is a pivotal issue in the world. When I get a chance, I read some science fiction, and I joke sometimes that at my age (two score and one), the only three things that matter are history, the business section, and science fiction--what did happen, what is happening now, and what we could build towards or avoid, if we have any brains.
That said, my loving wife has been involved in this blog for some time now, and I am going to make an effort to read it. I like to watch her think.
Which is why I married her. The smartest thing I ever figured out was that even if she was meaner than a velociraptor when provoked, if I could somehow get her on my side and me on her side, I would be invincible. I was right about that, and like LizardBreath, I like to be right.
okay, i take it back.
you'll be fine, or at any rate you know what kinds of fineness and not-fineness you're letting yourself in for.
and believe me, it's the same preferences for fineness-of-that-kind, even at the cost of not-fineness of those kinds, that my wife and i have made again and again.
so i hope it works out well.
yeah, good call on marrying the right person. about the only smart thing i ever did, either, or at any rate the one from which the other stuff has flowed ever since.
actually, the smart part was waiting till after we were married to point out to her that she really needed to get a new prescription for her glasses. by the time she could see clearly again, it was too late for her to get out easily.
Buck! Nice to see you here. Great posts.
Oscar Wilde, "The Soul of Man Under Socialism"