Re: On how to make the acquaintance of comely women and charm them to your advantage

1

Finger eyes?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:48 PM
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2

that I might enter you and ride and rummage you till the roots of your hair turn red

Huh? I must be doing somethnig wrong...

Although the phrase "ride her and ram her thoroughly and spiritedly" is unquestionably awesome.


Posted by: Brock lander | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:52 PM
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3

Spirit fingers?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:53 PM
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4

ride her and ram her thoroughly and spiritedly, no less than seven hours of the clock, genuinely and deeply till the final groan

That's some stamina there.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:53 PM
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5

I would tend to read that as describing a flushed face and scalp, rather than a change in hair color. (Although the latter would be impressive.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:54 PM
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6

Flushed, maybe. Or bloodied.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:56 PM
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7

It's like Smoove B, only wordier.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:56 PM
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8

Seriously, w-lfs-n, until I got to the citation, I was positive this prose was your own! It has your style, I dare say.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:56 PM
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9

I've often been told that all my graces and virtues are affective.


Posted by: arthegall | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:57 PM
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10

8 has it mostly right, but I also thought that w-lfs-n was just way high.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 3:59 PM
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11

and ride her and ram her thoroughly and spiritedly, no less than seven hours of the cock, genuinely and deeply till the final groan.


Posted by: pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:04 PM
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12

5: As impressive as the "seven hours" part?


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:09 PM
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13

512- considering it probably means her roots have grown out, which takes rather longer than seven hours, I'd say so, yeah.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:16 PM
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14

Paragraph One: Ugly chicks will love you for loving them.

Paragraph Two: Chicks love a well-bathed flasher.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:46 PM
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15

(I took some poetic license with the paragraph numbering.)


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:49 PM
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16

14, I thought Paragraph Two was supposed to follow from Paragraph One, that is, if you spend some time boning the low-hanging ugly chick fruit, you gain a sense of confidence and therefore the hot chicks you actually want will be drawn to you, plus they will think you are interested in their spirits rather than their hotness, because they already saw you boning the ugly chicks.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:50 PM
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17

"seven hours of the cock, genuinely and deeply till the final groan" just might be instructions to fuck her to death.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:52 PM
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18

Ogged, you have no poetry in your soul.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:57 PM
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19

You might want to take another look at my 15, B.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:59 PM
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20

17: Wouldn't that start chafing at some point?


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:59 PM
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21

I actually can't decide if the following is charming obnoxious.

Should you see passing by a woman plain to most (perhaps even to her own self), regard her in full light and admire her as if she were most comely and deeply desirable to you (for in truth she is)


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:59 PM
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22

The Teo U. library system unfortunately does not possess a copy of this book.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 4:59 PM
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23

22: back to the drawing board laundromat...


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 5:01 PM
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24

That reminds me that I actually do have laundry to do.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 5:02 PM
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19: I'll take a second look at nothing unless you reveal all your inner and outer fingers, even your rings, the same which you wore for me in your heart of hearts and on your limbs on account of your subservience and devotion to me.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 5:02 PM
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26

And if you were a sensitive reader, B, you would have realized that my objection in 14 is precisely that Greek Dudikus has no poetry in his soul. This is romance for slick-haired Mediterranean boys who are out to bang as many tourists as possible, but if it works for Ben, far be it from me to gainsay.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 5:05 PM
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27

Now, now. Touchy.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 5:07 PM
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28

I thought the whole point of being a slick-haired Mediterranean boy is that you shouldn't have to resort to flashing. Am I wrong about this?


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 5:09 PM
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29

Ugly girls
know their fate..
anybody can get laid.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 6:28 PM
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30

Count me among those who were crushed to learn that this was not original w-lfs-n prose. Sigh.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 6:40 PM
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31

Actually I do find this rather charming and endearing. Earnest. The eager man-boy who loves women, and tries to win their favor. "Gosh!" he says, "You're neat! May I love you?"

Having known at least one mature man who genuinely retains this sensibility -- it's charming.

Whereas sentiments about the ugly chicks are not so much.

Of course, whether the writer is earnest or a rogue is a question, but you know, there's not necessarily a great divide between these two.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 6:56 PM
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32

Sound more like ben marcus than w-lfs-n:

"Intercourse with Resuscitated Wife"

Intercourse with resuscitated wife for particular number of days, superstitious act designed to insure safe operation of household machinery. Electricity mourns the absence of the energy form (wife) within the household's walls by stalling its flow to the outlets. As such, an improvised friction needs to take the place of electricity, to goad the natural currents back to their proper levels. This is achieved with the dead wife. She must be found, revived, and then penetrated until heat fills the room, until the toaster is shooting bread onto the floor, until she is smiling beneath you with black teeth and grabbing your bottom. Then the vacuum rides by and no one is pushing it, it is on full steam. Days flip past in chunks of fake light, and the intercourse is placed in the back of the mind. But it is always there, that moving into a static-ridden corpse that once spoke familiar messages in the morning when the sun was new.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:07 PM
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33

Actually I do find this rather charming and endearing. Earnest. The eager man-boy who loves women, and tries to win their favor. "Gosh!" he says, "You're neat! May I love you?"

Really? Those kind of guys seem like they'd be creepy, but I'll defer to the ladies on this call.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:11 PM
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34

33:

It may be a delicate call.

Some guys mean it; many don't. If you encounter the former, you can usually tell, if you have any judgment at all. Or so it's seemed to me.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:39 PM
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35

33 -- Though I won't purport to speak for "ladies" generally, in my experience that sort of guy initially seems rather sweet and charming in a pathetic sort of way. After awhile, more like needy and annoying. Again, in a pathetic sort of way.


Posted by: di kotimy | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:40 PM
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36

30: Indeed.


Posted by: Pooh | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:44 PM
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37

But if what you're looking for is to get laid, what do you care what he's going to seem like after a while? You don't have to marry the guy.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:44 PM
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38

And you wouldn't, speaking from the boy who might learn something's point of view, have to have all these characteristics, nor share the attitude completely, to benefit from this outlook, and seeing how true it might be.
Sometimes a guidebook can be dis-inhibiting.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:52 PM
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39

The part about cleaning yourself up is as old as Ovid, in fact when I first read that and until I got to the mention of cigarettes, I thought it might be Ovid.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:54 PM
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40

God you people are jaded.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 7:55 PM
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41

I'm back from the laundromat. There were no women there.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 8:34 PM
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42

Are you sure it was a laundromat?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 8:43 PM
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43

I sure hope so, otherwise I don't know what I just did to my clothes.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 8:51 PM
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44

There's some interesting info here, but what's most interesting is the way the author continually refers to Eroticon as a novel.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:09 PM
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45

Is it not a novel, then?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:11 PM
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46

I would not call it a novel, no.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:13 PM
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47

So what would you call it?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:14 PM
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48

A user's manual?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:16 PM
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49

A parodic manual.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:16 PM
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50

Would you classify it as fiction?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:20 PM
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51

Moving on from "a woman plain to most" we have and call to her from within you, humming either the song of the scorned or the hymn to the unjustly slain. Thereupon she will turn all her radiance upon you...

Translation: "chicks dig that emo stuff"


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:50 PM
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52

17 questions left, Teo. Use them wisely.


Posted by: L. | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:51 PM
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53

I figure I'll get it in ten or so. Assuming he keeps answering, of course.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:55 PM
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54

...but hey as long as we're here, "check out and smile at the ones who seem plain at first glance" seems like it's in no way bad advice, whether you're trying to bang tourists, trying to find a mate, or trying to increase the number of smiles in the world.


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:55 PM
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55

Sounds like it'd be classified the same way something like The Areas of My Expertise is.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 9:57 PM
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56

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

hehehe.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 01-25-07 10:00 PM
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57

I would not classify it as fiction.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 01-26-07 1:00 AM
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37: Again, speaking only for me, if I'm just trying to get laid and unconcerned about what I'll think of him down the road, "sweet and charming in a pathetic sort of way" wouldn't do much for me.

"Prostrate yourself, my dearest, that I might enter you and ride and rummage you till the roots of your hair turn red," on the other hand, would probably be a pretty damn efffective line. 'Cuz I'm one of them plain gals, I guess...


Posted by: di kotimy | Link to this comment | 01-26-07 5:30 AM
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59

What a bizarre site!

Good wholesome quirky fun tho!


Posted by: a very public sociologist | Link to this comment | 01-26-07 6:36 AM
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Would you classify it as fiction?

Not at all. It's incomplete, tho'. All the way through high-school and college I found giving a good back massage the best way to end up with a bed-partner. "Okay, we've done this chapter. Wow, you look tense...."


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 01-26-07 6:45 AM
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We rocked out to this, and I dare say it worked quite well. It helped that we had a handsome guest Kiwi. Also, youtube.


Posted by: Captain Automatic | Link to this comment | 03-10-07 1:59 PM
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