I have a friend who was once threatened with a samurai sword after he hooked up with a girl.
Holy crap. You must watch the video in the second link. It's totally portraying the video-watcher as a victim.
It's mighty embarassing not being able to tell sex-noises from being-attacked noises.
Unless dude in question was watching some really bizarre pr0n.
Which, I'm sorry, but if you're watching porn with screams that sound like someone being raped, it's probably because you're watching rape fantasy porn. Which make you one creepy-ass motherfucker, not the wacky misunderstood neighbor or, for god's sake, a victim.
rape fantasy porn?
Ogged, does this exist?
Far be it from me to disagree with the porn mavens of Unfogged, but doesn't a lot of porn feature women making noises that dude-who-lives-with-his-mother-with-no-phone could mistake for something untoward?
Is Becks seriously arguing that consumers of certain kinds of porn deserve to be attacked with swords?
I agree with 8. 6 is ridiculous. In a lot of porn the only noise you can hear for minutes at a time is the woman exaggerating her screams.
OK, maybe I haven't watched enough porn. I'll admit that. But don't "good screams" usually sound a little bit different than "I'm being held and raped" screams?
Once again, guy who lives with his mother and responds to perceived threats by brandishing a samurai sword.
From the porn I've seen or overheard, it usually sounds more like anxious little mewls of faked excitement. I did wonder about the sounds a few times when I lived above a sex-shop, but the "I'm in danger" sounds were in the definite minority.
Also, if you live in a building with multiple apartments---or an apartment with multiple residents!---you really shouldn't turn the volume on your pr0n up to 11. It's just bad manners.
14 - That's true. Hell, I was watching a horror movie over the weekend and turned down the volume specifically because I didn't want any of my neighbors to think I was being attacked and come knocking.
Wah, I'm a victim because I'm embarassed that my neighbor heard me watching violent porn and thought I might be attacking someone. Isn't this just where normal people would just cringe their way out of it?
Since we're talking about Wisconsin, I'm pretty sure this "I'm the victim" reaction can chalked up to what my friend calls Enwhitelment.
And the police confiscated the guy's sword, which he said was a family heirloom! (Ok, that one's probably for the best.)
Samurai sword guy has been waiting for that moment his. Whole. Damn. Life. Leeroy Jenkins to the rescue!
The porn-at-top-volume guy can't be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but frustrated vigilantes who live with their parents... shit. I guess at least he's not PUSA, that's something.
Once again, I don't know if we can assume it was violent porn. To refresh your memories: Guy who lives with his mother, and has no phone, and responds to perceived threats to a stranger by brandishing a samurai sword.
OK, I keep re-reading 12, 17, and 19 and laughing my ass off.
I just figure loony samurai sword guy probably has heard porn in the building before and usually doesn't burst in with swords. But maybe it was just loud screechy porn. Even so. Sidle sidle mutter drop it.
However! I can see some possible chain of events where this guy isn't crazy. I mean, if you heard what you thought was an attack going on next door, wouldn't you grab the closest possible weapon? AND if you weren't exactly in the position to be brandishing weapons all the time might it be that the only thing that looked workable was an heirloom samurai sword hanging on the wall? (if no baseball bats or golf clubs or such were nearby?) I mean, it's possible.
I think the possibility of it being misunderstood-samurai-guy/creepy-ass-motherfucker vs. crazy-samurai-dude/innocent-porn-watcher has to be at least 50/50.
5: 7: Michael, you need to get out more. There's porn available for anything ever done or thought of.
Beyond the indicator of guy who lives with his mother there's also that some porns attempt to have "plots" and one with "ever so grateful after rescue" isn't all that far-fetched.
As for the incident itself and the charges, from here it looks like morons alternating with idiots all the way down.
Loony samurai sword guy may live with his mother and may be a loony samurai sword guy, but he's 37. Hasn't he heard normal-sounding porn before?
But don't "good screams" usually sound a little bit different than "I'm being held and raped" screams?
I wouldn't know what "I'm being held and raped" screams sound like, and I'd be sort of surprised if most people had sufficient experience with screams to discriminate well. Having the cops knock down your door because you were watching porn (or even yer average scary movie, I would guess) would be bad; having your neighbor do it while brandishing a sword is well beyond that. The sort of guy who picks up his broadsword to do battle has to be giving off creepy vibes to begin with, no? Actual home invasion kicks it up a notch.
23.--Well, if it ever gets to court, that defense would be brought up. It would be instantly countered with the "normal people call the police" argument, though.
26 - OK, true. I'd think a friendly "umm...is there anything going on in there..." knock or a call to the cops would be warranted before breaking down the door.
Huh. So this is what being BitchPhD feels like.
23: An acquaintance was once rescued from a violent jackass (he'd broken her arm and she had barricaded herself in the bathroom while screaming) by a neighbor with an ice axe. "Nearest thing to hand" sounds plausible, except that all white guys who live with their moms who have samurai swords hanging on their walls really ought to be smacked for being annoying.
(If they're one of the serious collectors, instead of the gaijin ninja alliance of doom, they'll understand and accept the slap.)
29. Not until you claim 6 was a joke we just didn't get it.
29: Nice. (I seem to be saying that a lot; perhaps I'm regressing to sixteen.)
Well, if it was actually a family heirloom, it might have been one of those trophies of war that a number of WWII vets from the Pacific Theater brought home.
On the whole, I'm inclined to give the guy props for caring about the safety of his neighbors. It does sound like he's a bit weird in the interpersonal department, but he sounds decent enoough.
And maybe his mom is sick and dying of cancer and he's her caregiver? Any of you heartless goons think of that?
24. I was trying to make Ogged play resident-porn-expert again, but he didn' fall for it, the sly persian.
Also, are they in a big city or in smallville? In smallville you probably have a while before the cops show up, and it would be nice if the neighbors called the cops but made sure the screams weren't an actual crime.
Incroyable !! Rape porn and Jet Li all in the same building. Must be a hell of an address.
I'm inclined to side with the Samurai; like Cala says, it's basically a noble impulse, but breaking down the door without knocking is definitely odd, and "I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," is kinda weak.
38: Either your punctuation is confusing me, or I don't know what you mean. You are on the nutter's side or the other one?
Dude--read the articles. It was a cavalry sword, not a samurai sword. About a kajillion of them are floating around as heirlooms from family that was in cavalry units. Still weird to be threatening someone with, but not as obviously dorky as the guys who have samurai swords.
Confession: I own three swords. But it would just be easier to beat the guy to death with my massive cock.
It's worth watching the video in the first link just to see the facial expression of the guy when the reporter asks him if this means he'll stop watching porn. ENWHITELMENT.
breaking down the door without knocking is definitely odd
Definitely fatal if attempted around here. A shotgun with a 21" barrel beats a samurai sword every time.
I used to own one more sword than I currently own, but one of them was taken from me by the police. In an airport.
My ex and I once called the front desk of the hotel we were staying at because we were *convinced* the guy next door was killing his wife. This was probably a hallucination brought on by having seen The Conversation all too recently, and never having had a normal fight ourselves, we didn't know what they sounded like.
That said, when I was with Abusive Ex (like eight years ago), I kept wishing someone would hear me screaming and knock down the door with a samurai sword. That exact visual may have been involved.
I can't watch the video, but I'm pleased to read that the guy is at least considering turning the sound down.
42 - It's also worth watching the video to see what they decide to do close ups of as they're talking about the incident: the TV, the porn DVD, the speaker, and his hand.
I would gain a lot of respect for any Concerned Women of America-type group that decided to champion sword-guy's cause here. Mostly because I don't like having to listen to pr0n when I haven't signed on for it.
Note that the porn-watcher said that the sword guy burst into his apartment several hours AFTER the porn had been turned off. A point in the sword-wielder=nutter column.
42: Small town Iran is apparently just like small town America: "If'n you weren't doing anything wrong, there wouldn't be any trouble."
I kept wishing someone would hear me screaming and knock down the door with a samurai sword.
The reality is less exciting than your fantasy.
49: Maybe he's just slow getting up stairs.
You know what would've been better? If Cap'n Heroism had loaded an antique dueling pistol, walked up and knocked on the guy's door, then smacked his unsuspecting prey twice across the face with a white glove while saying "Unhand that lady, sir! I demand satisfaction!"
A little more seriously, it's a lucky thing that story turns out to be comedy instead of tragedy. More often than not, vigilantes suck.
29, 31: One of these days, I'm going to have my last press conference, and then you won't have B to kick around anymore, fuckers.
Also, "enwhitelement" just cracks my shit up.
It would seem the porn is mightier than the sword.
Wait a second, people. Based simply on the way the sword guy looks, you're not siding with enwhitelement man? Sword guy has a fucking pointy beard and crazy googley eyes, folks.
(I have to put in a word for the guy-living-with-mom thing here on account of my friend who lived with his elderly grandmother until her death, both because San Jose rents are outrageous and because he's a super nice guy who really loved his grandmother. Also, he's fucking gorgeous and I'd date him in a heartbeat except that we grew up together and it would feel incestuous.)
Wait, you mean the pointy beard doesn't mean he's a minion of Satan? I guess I owe my building's security supervisor an apology.
I didn't notice before, but this incident took place in one of America's few lipogram cities. How many other cities have 5 of the same vowel and no other vowels in their names?
60: and all the vowels are pronounced the same way: Ah-KAH-nah-mah-wahk.
You know, when I read a story like that about the motherland, my heart fills with love for my people. Oh, James, living with his mom. Oh, Bret, the deve living upstairs. You're all right there, doncha know. You're all right.
I find it amusing that here we are arguing over who is crazier, and over at Lindsay's, they are arguing about different kinds of swords. I guess people really can have very different reactions to the same thing.
You know, when I read a story like that about the motherland, my heart fills with love for my people. Oh, James, living with his mom. Oh, Bret, the deve living upstairs. You're all right there, doncha know. You're all right.
Whereas I want to run, screaming.
How many other cities have 5 of the same vowel and no other vowels in their names?
It may well be the only one. Five vowels is a lot.
A commenter at Lindsay's says,
According to the Wisconsin Circuit Court Web site, he has a prior conviction for impersonating a police officer and a few disorderlies
I guess that settles it. Porn man wins.
close ups of as they're talking about the incident: the TV, the porn DVD, the speaker, and his hand.
I watched that, thinking, "what the hell was that close-up about?" Thanks, Becks.
I bet there are some cities with 5 A's or E's in Germany.
If you want to be a truly enormous loser you could use this as a starting point to find one.
I'm an enormous enough loser to have just spent rather a lot of time looking through an atlas for American examples (in vain), so I'll take a look. I'm pretty skeptical about the prospects of finding any even in Germany, though.
A lot of Caucasian languages only have one vowel, so that could be your next starting point. I'm sure Emerson can refer you to a good interlinear gazetteer.
What about Wooloomooloo? Not in Germany, granted.
(And there's probably an argument to be made that there are only 4 vowels in Wooloomooloo.)
Okay, I looked at the German list and I didn't see any. I didn't look all that carefully, but I doubt there are any really long ones I missed.
The one-vowel thing is a myth, by the way. Kabardian has two, which I think is the lowest attested number.
I knew it was a bit sketchy when the language most frequently given as an example (Ubykh) has 2 vowels in its very name. That led me to believe it was an artifact of a mistaken attempt to create an alphabet.
The problem in the cases we've looked at is that English and German aren't languages that have both very long words and very few vowels. Oconomowoc and most of the other American examples that come close are from Algonquian languages. Australia and Polynesia would be good places to look for others.
72: The deal is that for some of these languages on a phonological level it's almost possible to posit a working system with one vowel or even none (in which case all vowels would be predictable allophones of certain consonants). People have done it, but the systems always break down in certain circumstances.
"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren.
pretty much sums it up.
Doesn't RedHat have a product named after that?
76: I see at least two different vowels in that one.
For some reason, I can't help but picture Dwight from The Office as the guy who charges in with the sword to save the day....
I hope he gets off with community service. Maybe six months of community service, but c'mon: this guy shouldn't go to jail.
There are a number of Australian names with 5 or more a's but they all have junction or creek or well or something like that. I'm not searching anymore.
I believe this turn in the conversation heightens the contrast noted in 62.
69 contains a misspelling; the city's name is Woolloomooloo.
Mandazarana. The secret city of the Lur.
How many other cities have 5 of the same vowel and no other vowels in their names?
Meeteetse, Santa Barbara (if multiple words are allowed), and sometimes Greeley Center.
I know I'm late, but I can't believe any of you were siding with the crazy googley-eyed sword guy.
Also, I can't believe this happened in Oconomowoc, which I associate solely with a nice Jewish camp a lot of my friends went to.
Damn, I should have looked at India; John's got some great ones. All I came up with is Guadalajara, which works if you don't consider the u a vowel (which you shouldn't).
India is a place to look, but there are those who might claim that those are fake names.
Teo, does it make a difference that Indian cities with names like the ones John made up would not have any vowels in them at all when written out in their proper alphabet?
Here's an Indian one that isn't made up. Also, the capital of the second most backward district in Karnataka.
95: I considered that possibility, but I'm sure there are actual cities in India with similar names.
96: Not to me, no. And I don't think that's necessarily true.
But assClown, if you start making exceptions for that, what about names whose proper language doesn't even have an alphabet?
Acharapakkam, Alampayalam, Ayyampalayam.... - Kanakkampalayam, Kangayampalayam, Kannamangalam... also Gummidipoondi, which is where I want to live from now on.
Sa'adatabad in Iran is real. The " ' " is a consonant of sorts separating two a's.
98 -- Right, it's probably not necessarily true; but most of those vowels will be short a's, which are not written out in (the alphabet whose name I forgot which is used to represent Hindi) -- also would long a's be considered the same vowel as short a's? That city Ned linked to is written in another alphabet that I don't know, but it sort of looked to me like there might be some long vowels and some not long, based on the marks above several of the consonants.
Vowel length is an issue to be sure, but I wouldn't worry too much about orthography. I'm basically just going by sound.
The script to which you refer is Devanagari.
the alphabet whose name I forgot
Devanagari
104: How can we be going by sound here? This is strictly a Richard Lederer-style exercise in orthographic trivia, along the lines of "flooddoorroom is a real word, and oh what an awesome word it is!"
How can we be going by sound here?
Because many of these names are not usually written in English orthography (indeed, as you point out in 99, some of them are not usually written at all).
Why should you be attacked just for having a rape fantasy? Lots of people have those.
And why is it worse to listen to porn than to have a real life girl screaming in your kitchen?
I have actually done this. Heard screaming/'help' noises from elsewhere in building; ran up stairs; kicked in door ... and stopped a rape in progress.*
I imagine I'd have been pretty dammed annoyed if the woman upstairs had been watching i) dodgy porn or ii) enacting some kind of fantasy scenario with a boyfriend ... but still.
Googley eyed sword guy wasn't necessarily wrong. Although the sword is a fucked-up touch ...
* not a joke, this really happened.
w00t ttaM. you kick ass. I can remember at eighteen crossing amsterdam ave to tell a 6'2" guy that he should quit smacking his girlfriend around, and she turned to me and told me to mind my own fucking business. oooookaaay.
I've been at the stage of putting my coat on to go next door, when a girl jumped out of a third floor window, bouncing off my balcony on the way down. No charges of anything were ever brought, but the east European student who lived there madea sharp exit shortly after.
The guy concerned was an ex boyfriend of the putative victim. They got back together again (!) shortly after this event. Luckily that didn't last long.
The guy was all obsequious and shit whenever he saw me after that, though.
Also, the police (who were called and did turn up) were fucking useless.
ISTR a news story sometime last year about some poor fool who heard screaming, went to investigate, discovered a rape-in-progress, and ended up by seriously disappointing the couple whose seriously fucked-up sex plan he'd queered. I'm at work, so I don't dare google it...
Brooklyn's finest were once called to my apartment after the gentleman in the financial industry living next door saw a pair of hands cuffed to the bedroom window bars.
He could never look me in the eye after that. The funny thing is, I was out of town that weekend; my exgf was crashing there with her fiance.
63: it's like Southern eccentrics. you grow up with them, you're used to them, their motives make perfect sense to you -- e.g. "Of course Van Iveren had a sword. He was living with his mom!" -- and you miss them when you leave.
111. Me too, but I hope I'd do it again.
MRH's point about Oconomowoc resonates with me: my kids went to the camp he referred to, and I've stayed over in the town several times. I've gotten to know small-town Wisconsin and its apartment dwellers fairly well over the years.
I'm always looking, and sometimes finding, signs of intelligent life but my wife sees the psychic desolation and can't stand visits much longer than two days, such as to the town my mother was living in. The guy with the saber is a type, I feel like I've met him.
The police blotter out there is mostly about long drives to score drugs, people getting really wasted and colliding with trees. Low life there is very biker in style, and methy. And the town my mother lived in is part of a sort of Bermuda Triangle of kids-in-cages stories. Bob Greene used to live off them, like a vampire.
114 etc. These things happen regularly, along the lines of the guy who used a gun to halt the actor running away during filming of one of those dumb "true crime" recreations and the idiot who lost his dog to a Good Samaritan with fast reflexes when testing (by faking a heart attack) to see if the dog would let someone help him.
It's been a while, but I think I remember the basic standard is you can do what a cop would do under the same circumstances but as a civilian you don't have any immunity if something goes wrong. So, Sword Guy would probably been okay if he'd pounded on the door and yelled a bit first, and only broken in if he got no answer. And the DA and jury believed his version.
118: Neat, IDP. I bet your kids and I know people in common.
112 is truly disturbing.
Are doors really so easy to break down?
re: 121
Unless the door is properly reinforced, yeah. If you really want to kick a door in and you're a reasonably sized adult male they are about as much impediment as a piece of damp cardboard.
Depends on the door, but usually the frame will bust.
A lot of Yale-type locks just open when given a hefty boot -- with no permanent damage to the frame. It's all in the leverage. And even the tougher locks, as Cala says, the frame will burst.
Some are, some aren't. It's the frame that usually pulls away from its attachments to the walls even if the lock is more than trivial to break or force away from its engagement with the frame. Sometimes you can tell by just looking at the construction but several coats of paint can disguise many weaknesses. Just lean against yours and see what starts to flex.
I've busted through an external door with my shoulder before. It was a very manly feeling. They're more impediment than wet cardboard (or else nattarGcM is The Scottish Hulk), but you could kick one in if you needed to, I'm sure.
re: 126
Most of my direct experience has been with cheap student accomodation and/or dodgy flats in badly maintained Victorian tenements. Where I stand by my 'wet cardboard' assessment.
Modern doors look a lot harder. My parents both have modern doors with the metal rods that shoot out into the frame on all sides when locked, and with steel reinforcement. It'd take equipment to open one of those.
Most of my direct experience
You do a fair amount of door-busting, eh?
"His downstairs neighbor, ttaM nattarGcM, heard a woman screaming in the movie, but thought a woman was actually being attacked. Instead of calling police, he took matters into his own hands, ran up the stairs and broke down the door, all while brandishing a sixteen-foot long Highland Games-style caber."
Cheap student accomodation doors are easy. At my old place the door was very loose in the frame; I'm pretty sure I could have kicked it in if the deadbolt wasn't locked.
Shivbunny is not thrilled about weak doors, but this is coming from a guy who lives so far out in the country that not only is the front door rarely locked, but the keys are usually in the ignition of the car. His risk assessment is pretty much "there are others around. this door needs more locks."
re: 128
Drunken coming home late at night without keys. Yeah. Or coming home to find other drunk flatmate has locked the door from the inside and isn't waking up. That sort of thing.
"sixteen-foot long Highland Games-style caber."
ATM
If you're brandishing a caber, it would be foolishness not to use the caber itself to break down the door.
re: 132
I thought we'd already established in many previous threads that the two are the same thing.
My parents both have modern doors with the metal rods that shoot out into the frame on all sides when locked, and with steel reinforcement.
McG's parents live in a bank vault.
"Instead of calling police, he took matters into his own hands, ran up the stairs and broke down the door, all while brandishing a sixteen-foot long Highland Games-style caber."
With a shout of "It's me! Hurrah!"
I have been recruited for Highland Games, which I have heard are played in NC as well as places I've lived, but the whole thing has seemed too ridiculous to me.
re: 134
Heh. Our local authority back in Scotland replaced a lot of the doors and windows on the houses. So they all got new doors with high-security locks and frames.
My parents both live in state/social housing (i.e. what we call 'council houses') so they didn't have to pay for the new doors.
136: yeah, they have them all over North Carolina, for some reason.
Malavarayankaddaiadampan, Sri Lanka (10 a's)
