The obvious recourse is to post her name and email so the hivemind can track her down. Just show up at her door in a speedo holding a bottle of wine.
Based on her manners, I'm guessing she moonlights as a recruiter in high-tech when she's not breaking the hearts of avoiding dates with guys at your pool.
Man I saw this coming about 5 years ago.......
Looks like Venkat the spice dealer.
It is! Looks like you're doing something else now. Congrats.
What kind of person agrees to a date and then stops communicating at the setting a date for the date phase?
A rather immature person.
That sucks. But that's the risk associated with dating twenty year-olds: immaturity. (OTOH, I've got a decade on her, and I'm probably still that immature. Maybe the risk isn't associated with youth, but rather gen'l beauty.)
Damn right, JM. My new pickup line is going to include something about Social Security benefits.
Maybe she Googled [Ogged's real name] and found its one unredacted appearance here?
For all you know, though, she could be in the hospital fighting for her life.
Maybe she Googled [Ogged's real name] and found its one unredacted appearance here?
Don't try to stir up shit, you wily Jew. My real name appears nowhere near this site.
Clearly the answer is to spend more time around toddlers. Yay forced choice! "Luisa, do you want to wear your pink socks or your green socks?" s/b "Would you prefer to meet this Tuesday or Wednesday?"
It's a move I can totally see my past self pulling. You don't mean to be mean, especially with the person, like, right in front of you, but you don't want to be too nice to someone you're not really sure you want to encourage, so maybe they'll just get the hint and wander away. Then I came to understand how shitty that was to do to someone.
Yeah, I do totally understand. It seems like such an easy way to handle the situation (and it is, and my feelings aren't actually hurt). But it's not the decent thing to do.
My real name appears nowhere near this site.
Not yet, anyway. Let me give you a list of suggested presents.
The decent thing for her to do would be to set you up with one of her hot friends.
It takes just two stalking episodes to clarify that this sort of thing is wrong.
Not yet, anyway.
Don't make me out you, Ben.
That always sounds like someone catching an unexpected medicine ball in the pit of their stomach.
I may be a Jew, but I'm not particularly wily. I mean, I have to borrow my wiles from my wife -- and they're feminine.
And Protestant.
All the other Jews, they laugh and laugh.
Looks like Venkat the spice dealer.
My college roommate had a theory that the best job in the world ever was to be a 17th century spice merchant.
Maybe she took your advice to ask out that other guy.
Stalking is such a harsh term, SCMTim.
30: Then who did she mistakenly think you were?
Only one?
One is all that is needed for "decent." More than one moves beyond simple decency into "best date blow-off ever" territory.
32: This guy. It's an understandable mistake.
30: Then who did she mistakenly think you were?
She had no idea. She thought someone had eyed her somewhere and tracked down her email address.
Yeah, right. Who could be such a rube?
I suppose if she really had _no idea_ who you were even after the second email that might explain it. . ..maybe. But if she had _any_ idea who you were, that's pretty dumb. I don't think I would have done that when I was 15 and first got email, let alone 23. I'm sorry. One less annoying date to go on, I guess.
On the plus side however, since she seems so flaky, it almost certainly has nothing to do with you at all and she's just super flaky.
She didn't know who was emailing her at first--it was like a secret admirer situation. Then she figured out that it was me, suggested lunch, and moved to Sweden.
On the bright side, this gives you an opportunity to send her a sophomoric email full of smileys and lols to see if she likes that better. When you have nothing to lose, you can experiment.
has nothing to do with you at all and she's just super flaky
Oh please.
Well, you wanted to just be friends with the grad student, and she left the country.
You wanted a short-term mainly physical relationship with the lifeguard, and she agreed to a date but now is fobbing you off.
So if you meet someone you immediately want to marry there's a good chance you might get as far as making out before she backs off.
42: Whatever dude, never underestimate the overpowering ability of flakiness to create deceptive chaos in someone's life. I have a different brand of flakiness, but I know of what I speak.
I'll still have NSA sex with you, Ogged.
As if ogged could get a security clearance.
Venkat! Cool, I hadn't heard about the business.
"And on the bright side: If anyone has to avoid the pool now, it's her. HaHA!"
No more dating for you, sir, until you learn that schadenfreude has no place in dating.
Venkat, I don't know who you are, but someone finally put Sambar powder in a jar, and for that I salute you.
Sorry, Ogged, but lunch-date signals friendship or saving-face retreat, not NSA sex.
Yes, this was noted with sadness at the time.
48 Petey, you do not understand that a good pool is hard to find. It is a lot easier to find a young girl who pretends to want to go out with you and mocks you while your face is in the water than it is to find a good pool.
"Petey, you do not understand that a good pool is hard to find."
I'm down with the general principle. I once avoided dating a woman who worked at a favored watering hole, despite a mutual attraction, just so watering hole rights wouldn't become a problem. (Happily, a tryst did end up occurring after she terminated her employment.)
My only point is that Nelson Muntz remarks are not compatible with correct dating attitude.
An Iranian man with a scar who swims at a pool I lifeguard asked me out by email.
Oh man. But flaky != NSA. You may have dodged a bullet. Also, the pool (watering hole, gym, bookstore) thing.
You're better off. You want someone who's honest enough to respond to an unfamiliar email with an 'who are you?'. Plus, the typo! Better off!
My saying this guarantees you will be affianced to her within the year.
Kids these days.
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/02/27/icymi-watch-out-the-emos-are-coming/
I choose to believe Ogged already had the date (and hot NSA lunchtime sex!) with the lifeguard, and now he is making this unresponsive story up in order to protect the girl's privacy and to keep us from asking about it.
See how much nicer I am than your regular commenters Ogged?
42: "Oh" s/b "neighbor".
And um, condolences, ogged.
This all comes back to the fact that asking people out on "dates" is an unproductive way to go about things.
58: Man, cops don't know nothin' 'bout emos. If you want the real deal, you gotta talk to the farmers that raise them.
This all comes back to the fact that asking people out on "dates" is an unproductive way to go about things.
I'm willing to believe this, but have you elaborated on The Drymala Strategy here before; beyond "be passionate, boyishly charming, and do cool stuff," I mean?
Nah, I got nothing constructive. I just like to swoop in for the "I told you so."
65 - Go into the arts and wait for some groupies?
Maybe she's an old-fashioned girl who thinks that when you ask someone out, you're supposed to be specific about what and when the request entails, instead of this nonsensical passive-aggressive "wanna do something?" "sure." "what?" strategy.
What the hell, people?
Her mother got sick, an ex rolled back into town, her car broke down, her cell phone was stolen, and her roommate is a psycho bitch! She's just too busy to deal with email right now!
w-lfs-n is out with her THIS VERY MINUTE pretending to be you, Ogged.
Or, alternately, she's dead or badly injured or something, and here you are smearing her character. You're a terrible person, Ogged.
Although I like the hypothesis presented in 59 also.
71: Hey, just trying to fit in.
75: See?
Although I like the hypothesis presented in 59 also.
Hamilton Lovecraft is banned!
Geez, ogged, must I do all the work around here?
And yeah, 76 is indeed awesome. Apo's still got it.
72: Actually, considering how much HL seems to know about her personal life, I'd be more suspicious of him.
I'm glad you banned M/llsy. He's an asshole, and his handle is too similar to mine.
Wait, what am I banned for this time?
I once didn't get a callback for a week from a woman with whom I had had a reasonable first date and had agreed to a second. It turns out she had been robbed at gunpoint just after our date and was traumatized. When she was ready to come back into the world, she called me and eventually we went out for several months.
Most of the rest of my stories don't end like that, though.
87: Because usually the actors who play the robber show up on time and you're able to play the hero?
88: Suspicions have been raised, yes. It turns out, by the way, that dating someone with low-level PTSD is less fun-and-games than you might expect, even though in the early phases the fact that I made her feel "safe" was great.
The other side of this story is that all subsequent dates with anyone at all have been classified as "but at least there were no guns involved."
More typical though: I once asked out the sweet, lovely, and recently-divorced HR woman for the company I was working at. She responded with too many excuses (both involving her HR-ness and her recently-divorcedness) but remained friendly. Then 4 months later the company folded. Then a month later I asked her out by email, which we've all agreed now is lame, and she never answered.
But then 6 months later she sent ME an email suggesting we get together for lunch (ahem) sometime. So I said sure. And then she didn't answer me. And then I sent a "what happened to that" email, which she answered, and put me off until after "the holidays", this now being December. And then I never heard from her again.
It took me about 3 months to work out what must have happened: she was HR and recruiting for her new company, and had heard that I was still out of work. By the time she sent the email proposing lunch, I had just started at a new job, which I of course mentioned in my reply email. So there was no point in lunch, but she couldn't really say that, so she just bailed.
This may have had a point once...oh HR girl, why do you taunt me so?
The other side of this story is that all subsequent dates with anyone at all have been classified as "but at least there were no guns involved."
Guns can make for a good date. A lot of chicks, even ones who don't think they will, have fun at a shooting range.
I may have mentioned to some of you my desire to try out one of those RPG thingumabobs at a firing range somewhere.
I know a guy who hiked through Asia in Taliban days, and he said that in Afghanistan, they offered to let him shoot an RPG for $x, and shoot an RPG at a cow for $x+y.
I want to shoot one at a poorly constructed shed. Or a haystack.
You can do that in Bulgaria with anything up to a DShK for under $200 per cow. But you don't get to keep the cow afterwards.
That reminds me, I wanted to post something about guns.
65
"be passionate, boyishly charming, and do cool stuff,"
There are other proponents of this approach.
It may lead to making love, though. The dating thing is for the birds.
I thought haystacks were for flamethrowers.
I know a guy who hiked through Asia in Taliban days, and he said that in Afghanistan, they offered to let him shoot an RPG for $x, and shoot an RPG at a cow for $x+y.
Holy shit.
Admit it people, that cow thing sounds awesome.
96: RPG : DShK :: Lightning : Lightning bug
(What the hell, I've been banned like six times already)
Wait, what am I banned for this time?
For praising the post that got someone else banned. Like, duh.
God, I love lawyers.
That's ex-lawyers, oggedsy. Me, Venkat, all the kool kidz are doing it.
Admit it people, that cow thing sounds awesome.
Yeah, I admit it.
105: Squirrels, sure. But cows? With those big dumb soulful eyes?
you'd never know whether you hit a squirrel with an RPG. A cow, on the other hand, would make one damned impressive splatter.
What about if you stitched a bunch of live squirrels together in the shape of a cow?
108: Kinda like those Oscars shadow dancers.
109: I didn't see the Oscars, but I take it these dancers of which you speak must have been pretty horrible for you to want to make them splatter.
No, they were great, but they seemed to demonstrate a good way to turn a bunch of Squirrels into a cow--or snakes on a plane.
In Sri Lanka that make cows out of soy protein that vegetarians can shoot. You can't tell them from real cows until your up close. If you're a Tamil vegetarian they even let you strap on a belt and suicide-bomb the veggie cow.
103 ...so, uh. Why was 59 banworthy?
Are there some RULES WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE that I need to see?
They're written down on Standpipe's blog.
Unfogged is thousands of years old in blog years, Hovercraft. Many of the Ancient Ones are already in the next world. We obey their judgments without question. Someof us are strict constructionists, some original intentists, some original meaningists, and I personally follow for living-tradition blank-slate hermeneutics.
I'll confess to being a newcomer to enjoying guns.
I was asked to teach the legal portion of a concealed carry class. I found that it was a ton of fun.
Hovercraft
I feel all tingly now.
See how much nicer I am than your regular commenters Ogged?
Being nice to ogged? Have you ever even read this blog, HL?
Of course, 119 definitely belongs on Stanpipe's, and I think I'm probably banned now.
Hovercraft is full of eels. I recommend putting him on probation rather than banning him.
121: Anguilliformist. I don't need your soft bigotry.
What type of bigotry would you prefer?
125: Hot, hard, eel-on-eel bigotry, obviously.
Unagi is pretty much my favorite sushi.
I have to confess that I did not know before that "victuals" is properly pronounced as "vittles".
Say, I should have posted that in the other thread. But unagi is victuals, so whatever!
The a and the g make a big difference, though. The one time I tried uni may have been the most unpleasant gustatory experience of my entire life.
Uni is sea urchin? I've never tried that.
I've had people tell me that I must have had old uni, and that it goes bad really quickly. But I don't know whether I could bring myself to put it back in my mouth again. Not spitting it out on the table was an achievement on a par with climbing a mountain or writing an opera.
I haven't actually eaten sea urchin myself, but I witnessed a good friend eat it at a very, very fine sushi place; apostropher's description of what it felt like matches well my memory of what it looked like.
134: Eating it the first time is nothing, apo; eating it a second time would impress us.
129 -- I've always thought that more words should be pronounced, or abbreviated, like that. For instance: nuptials.
"Please allow me to congratulate you, on the occasion of your recent nittles."
Or, you should be allowed to unpronounce similar words.
Riddles --> Ruptuals.
I have to go with the you got bad uni thing. sea urchin is delicious. one of the best meals of my life I had in sicily and started with sea urchin. it tastes like cold, fresh crab fat or tomalley. not nasty crab fat; the creamy crab fat inside a crab you just caught and threw live into a pot of boiling water with lemons, celery, red, black and white pepper, and are now eating outside over a newspaper-covered table with melted butter and lemon, saltine crackers, and a cold beer. that's the crab fat I'm talking about here.
on the whole thinking about drinking turns my stomach, but that mental picture is one which makes me say, mmm, cold beer. I find that imagining myself drinking room-temperature gin at 7 am usually disenchants.
101: yes, but RPGs drift upwind when fired. That's just wrong.
140: That's the tragedy of alcoholism -- good gin causes you to forget to put the bottle back in the fridge. And the Communists have made it impossible to keep servants any more.
I read a story once about a man who married into a wealthy Dutch-Indonesian family in Indonesia and found that the servants expected him to follow all the practices of his late father-in-law (from whom they had inherited the place). So every afternoon at 3:00 he was brought one (1) bottle of Heinekens. He could not get two (2) Heinekens, and he could not switch brands or times or skip the Heinekens entirely. Everything in the whole house was like that.
On the balance, though, having a servant to put the gin in the fridge would be a good thing.
Ruptuals
This should be the term for divorce proceedings.
And "invlovement" should be the clinical name for romantic attachment, as in "Louie's invlovement with the psychopathic nymphomaniac means we won't see him for about six months, but when we do we should be ready to take care of him".
True story: my father touched his eye after eating some uni, which triggered an alarming case of allergic conjunctivitis. It was pretty nasty: the white of his eye got all swollen and distended so that it started bulging out over the cornea. Happily, it cleared up with some steroid drops and an antihistimine. Uni-eaters beware.
Which leads to a new hypothesis: lifeguard is hiding from ogged because of a hideous, uni-induced case of allergic conjunctivitis.
I think uni tastes metallic. Which isn't awful, but isn't great, either.