I just find it hilarious when you start talking about Masters teams and meets. When I hear "Masters" I think of senior citizens, not people in their 30s.

Not that the Unfoggedetariat isn't the source of all knowledge, but isn't this a question you should take to some swimming board somewhere? I figure here you might have two or three serious swimmers, if that.

You will be solidly in the middle. You will be faster than many, but there will be a couple of former college swimmers faster than you.

Results from Masters Nationals Last year:

Men 30-34 100 Yard Breaststroke
===============================================================================
NATL: N 56.11 4/25/2004 JEFF COMMINGS
Name Age Team Seed Finals Points
===============================================================================
1 Chad Cron 30 GSC 1:01.90 59.97 11
28.15 59.97
2 Jared Walkenhorst 31 NEM 1:00.06 1:00.91 9
28.36 1:00.91
3 Christopher Collett 31 GAJA 1:04.00 1:01.93 8
28.63 1:01.93
4 Morgan Garcia 31 UNAT 1:03.50 1:02.65 7
29.03 1:02.65
5 Jon Rosen 33 CONN 1:03.15 1:03.53 6
29.86 1:03.53
6 Greg Burns 32 UNAT 1:07.01 1:04.41 5
29.90 1:04.41
7 Paul Hein 30 ADMS 1:06.56 1:06.28 4
31.20 1:06.28
8 Esteban Burgarelli 30 ADMS 1:11.16 1:06.98 3
31.31 1:06.98
9 John Morrison 33 IM 1:08.89 1:07.16 2
31.40 1:07.16
10 Keith DeSouza 30 LYTA 1:06.15 1:07.32 1
30.74 1:07.32
11 Don Sanderlin 34 IM 1:03.99 1:07.95
31.42 1:07.95
12 Lee Saber 34 UTAH 1:08.00 1:08.50
31.68 1:08.50
13 Mark Glass 31 DAMM 1:08.23 1:16.06
34.51 1:16.06
14 John Mejia 34 GOLD 1:06.52 1:19.66
36.58 1:19.66
15 Vladimir Shuster 30 REDT 1:19.00 1:20.44
36.57 1:20.44

Men 30-34 200 Yard Breaststroke
===============================================================================
NATL: N 2:01.01 5/4/1997 RONALD KARNAUGH
Name Age Team Seed Finals Points
===============================================================================
1 Chad Cron 30 GSC 2:10.00 2:10.68 11
29.29 1:02.51 1:35.62 2:10.68
2 Jared Walkenhorst 31 NEM 2:12.53 2:14.28 9
29.91 1:03.66 1:38.27 2:14.28
3 Jon Rosen 33 CONN 2:19.85 2:19.66 8
31.49 1:06.37 1:42.56 2:19.66
4 Christopher Collett 31 GAJA 2:25.00 2:20.77 7
31.50 1:06.44 1:42.58 2:20.77
5 John Morrison 33 IM 2:29.87 2:26.78 6
32.08 1:08.38 1:47.48 2:26.78
6 Keith DeSouza 30 LYTA 2:28.70 2:33.92 5
32.61 1:09.71 1:50.56 2:33.92

And, dude, you must be seriously freaking out about turning 34. You've mentioned it about 10 times in the last week.

That or, after the year you've had, you're very proud of it. Which you have every right to be. I can see the post now:

"I TURNED 34! WOO!!! SUCK IT, JESUS!"

3: And my lack of faith in the Unfoggedetariat is unjustified.

5:
I am hurt LB, hurt that you doubted me.

Never again will I question your ability to come up with average times for Masters swimmers.

7: Thank you. Was that so hard?

I am a Master of all that is average.

I would also suggest that you consider entering some open water swims. Of course, you are only allowed to swim breaststroke in an open water swim if you wear a cap with flowers attached to it.

I would love to have a swimming cap with flowers attached to it.

Thanks, Will. I had seen those times, but I wasn't sure how to adjust for push start vs. block start, SCY vs. anything else, how much turns figure in, etc. So if you can be more specific than "in the middle," I'd much appreciate it.

Jesus, Mr. Control Freak. Just enter a race and see how you do.

4: Along those lines, I figure if I can make it through the next month or so without one of my close friends kissing me, I figure things are going to be okay. I'm also on the lookout for anyone who's just come into a bunch of money.

You've mentioned it about 10 times in the last week.

I've noticed that too, but it seems to keep coming up. I think it's more noticeable because I keep saying "about to turn" instead of "am," but I do that because it seems misleading to say "am" when it's "about to be."

Have you considered stereoids?

I, too, would like to wear a swimming cap with flowers attached to it. A big plastic daisy, please.

Michael, he's asking about swimming, not voice lessons.

If we all had caps like that, we could meet at a pool and do Esther Williams routines.

Your 25 time does not mean much to me, except that you are a moderately good breaststroker. Swim a 50 breast today at 90 percent effort. Then, we can talk more.

How good are your turns? etc...

If I understand your question, you will not embarass yourself. I suspect that you would go 1:07 to 1:09 SCY. Just a guess.

you are only allowed to swim breaststroke in an open water swim if you wear a cap with flowers attached to it.

The manly alternative is to shave your head and get flower tattoos. Carnations look particularly nice.

Let's get to the important question: How old are the lifeguards at these geriatric water-sports events?

20 --> Me

Just do it, Ogged. If you compete and beat a few people, you'll be motivated to come back and do even better next time. If you come in dead last, you'll be motivated to come back and at least beat a few people. AND you've got that nice scar and can use cancer as an excuse if you get your butt kicked. No matter what, you'll come away motivated and rededicated.

Now that we have a few people around these parts who know about swimming, perhaps they'll indulge me in a question.

So the rest of us are just supposed to shut up and refrain from queering your cockamamie plan?

I suspect that ogged's notions about what might be embarrassing are somewhat idiosyncratic.

Near my house is an old 1950's themepark. They used to have Aquamaids who demonstrated Real Mermaid Life, Underwater. Breathing through little tubes off to the side, they'd sleep and brush their hair and - my favorite - eat a sandwich.

Swim a 50 breast today at 90 percent effort

Today I'm weak, out of shape, and my timing is all to hell, but I'll do it in a month or two.

I suspect that you would go 1:07 to 1:09 SCY. Just a guess.

Ah, that's very helpful. My turns are ok, but not great. (Who the hell practices open turns at a public pool, you know? I practice them about once a week.)

And it should go without saying, but just in case, get your steroids from a qualified doctor. Don't trust the street stuff.

A good start vs. a push is probably worth 2 seconds, but your hand is probably on the wall for about a second during a turn. If you're doing a 16-17 second 25, I'd think that a 1:10-1:15 100 is not out of the question. It'd be a lot more useful to know an approximate 50-yard time - when I "trained" for our alumni meet I managed a :28 50 free from a push and turned that into a :54 100 free from a start.

Short course yards to long course meters is usually approximated as 10% slower for the distance plus one second for every turn you lose, so a 1:00 100 in yards would be a 1:08 100 in meters.

Good stroke coaching will help a lot (not sure how much the Swede gave you). Practicing racing as opposed to just swimming will also help a lot - things like working on starts and turns, concentrating on good underwater pullout form, occasionally just doing 10 25s on a slow interval swimming as fast as you possibly can. A month or two of that kind of stuff, if you haven't done it before, is easily worth a second or two per 100.

I have found sexual fantasies about mermaids to be pretty unsatisfying. That's very white bread of me, I know.

I have caps. I got them as a joke. Our Masters team swam a Division II school so I got caps with flowers, and granny bathing suits.

30 Unless you like perma-virgins, mermaids are not for you.

Next year for halloween I want to put a hook through my lipring hole and go as a caught fish, incidentally.

Also I was a horrible breaststroker and did as little of it as possible (did you know that breastrokers are generally neurotic head-cases? it's true.), so my feel for times is probably off.

Thanks, Jake!

Good stroke coaching will help a lot (not sure how much the Swede gave you).

This is what I really, really miss from the Swede. She was great at this, and noticed every little thing that was off with the stroke.

doing 10 25s on a slow interval swimming as fast as you possibly can

Yeah, this I used to do. I'll get back to it when I'm a little fitter.

So if you enter this tournament, which one of us gets to shave you? I vote w-lfs-n.

seriously freaking out about turning 34

Yeah, really. Ain't nothing but a number, dawg. Come talk to me when you've got a mortgage, a divorce, and three kids and tell me how old you feel then.

Jake makes excellent points. 1:10-1:15 might be a good guess, except Ogged appears obsessive. So if he gets the right coaching, I think he goes a little faster.

Keep reading Glenn Mills. He is a great teacher and knows his technique.

But get someone to look at your stroke and help you with your turns.

Not, God forbid, a carp.

That's what you wanted me to say, right? You're much much cuter than a carp.

36 Amen.

did you know that breastrokers are generally neurotic head-cases?

I didn't, but it totally makes sense. Tuning the breaststroke reminds of nothing so much as tuning a golf swing (not that I've played golf more than twice in my life, but you know what I mean).

35: I think it should be waxing, not shaving. Smoother, and more comic.

36: Tell me about it -- I go out drinking with all the single childless commenters, and feel about 112.

36 - Yes, but then there's the "OMG! I should have a mortgage, a divorce, and three kids by now!" freaking out to be done.

Ogged appears obsessive. So if he gets the right coaching, I think he goes a little faster

This is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in weeks. I'm totally serious.

Oh, so another question: I lucked out by finding the Swede on Craigslist, but it's not like the place is crawling with Olympic breaststrokers offering lessons, so if I don't want to join a masters squad (which I don't), what's the best way to find a coach?

Am I as cute as a mackerel? Or a tuna?

Another VERY important point: if you are massively hairy, just shear it off. Don't shave with a razor blade.

Make your obesssion work for you - I have never been to a masters meet but I assume that most people who do masters swimming do it for fitness reasons rather than competitive reasons, which leaves open a possible advantage if you are willing to use techniques some would consider "unsporting".

Consider doing double-underwater-pullout drills (should be looking straight down at the bottom of the pool and squeezing your ears between your biceps), and squats. Breaststroke is inherently slow - the less time during the race you can spend actually swimming, the better.

From here on out, it won't upset me if I see Ogged on my lawn it won't upset me, because I know that he's just another old, harmless like me. I'll greet him warmly with the secret AARP handshake, because we're brothers now.

42: I'll let you borrow mine 'til you get over that feeling. I predict a quick return.

From here on out, it won't upset me if I see Ogged on my lawn, because I know that he's just another old, harmless like me. I'll greet him warmly with the secret AARP handshake, because we're brothers now.

You're not old 'til you start repeating yourself.

Do you want a private lesson? Find out who the good breaststroke coaches are in your area. Call the Masters programs or the USS programs. See if they will give you a couple of lessons.

Another VERY important point: if you are massively hairy, just shear it off. Don't shave with a razor blade.

I'm reasonably hairy. You mean, use clippers? And why is this very important?

techniques some would consider "unsporting".

Now that they've legalized the dolphin kick on the pull-out, what else is there? (Not that I would be unsporting.)

Thanks, guys!!!

Do you want a private lesson?

Yes, this is what I was doing with the Swede.

The flying fish is tremendously cute, so that's what I'll say.

I have never been to a masters meet but I assume that most people who do masters swimming do it for fitness reasons rather than competitive reasons, which leaves open a possible advantage if you are willing to use techniques some would consider "unsporting".

My only experience with master's level stuff are things like friends training for triathlons, or adult skaters training for adult competitions, but my sense is that the people who are relaxed at these meets will be the former collegiate swimmers, who will have those techniques at hand, and the obsessive late-starters like ogged, who will be wanting to learn those techniques.

I have no idea on the coaches. Even if you don't want to join a masters team, it's probably worth going to one of the practices and telling the coach "hey, I want to do a masters meet in six months and break 1:07 in the 100 breaststroke, but don't want to join a masters team, know anyone I could pay for hourly stroke lessons?"

Or post on craigslist (or here...) looking for someone to train with.

Yes, clippers. Bc you will cut the living hell out of yourself otherwise.

Turns: Push HARD, in a streamlined position, off the wall. You will do better than 75 percent of swimmers.

I'm reasonably hairy.

For a Mexican, that is.

50: Senior comment! You already said that, Emerson.

http://www.usms.org/placswim/

Darn you, Apo. Darn you to heck.

telling the coach

I was thinking that since I'm close to Cal and Stanford, somewhere there might be able to help. Am I better off going to a local masters coach?

Now that they've legalized the dolphin kick on the pull-out

Wait, really? Damn. When did that happen?

53: Oh, I think they let you drop a shoulder on the turn, too. Kids these days, they don't know how good they have it. *shakes fist*

By "unsporting" I just meant all of the little details that require a seriousness that B would find unseemly in an amateur. Starts, turns, detailed coaching, a lot of speed work in practice, a little bit of smack talk, etc. Rejecting the "just in it for fun" approach for a "whatever it takes to go fast" one.

Now that they've legalized the dolphin kick on the pull-out

It's still much, much more reliable to use a condom, Ogged.

18 months or so ago. You can see a video here.

Although most analysts agree that a dolphin kick on pull-out is still more gentlemanly than a donkey punch.

The Stanford Masters program is no joke. I'd imagine the Cal one is the same way. I looked at the team record board the last time I was at USF and it seemed much more reasonable. Plus, I think that Amanda Beard does breastroke coaching there, which will satisfy both your swimming technique and nubile youngster cravings.

Yeah, I wouldn't actually join that Masters program; I've seen Masters swimmers at that level, and I ain't them. I was just going to ask them to point me somewhere. But USF is an option I hadn't considered.

Wait, where does Beard to breaststroke coaching?

The USF pool is really nice. It's a bit spendy though. I have a multi-use card that I haven't used since October.

I saw a flyer on the USF pool talking about her doing coaching there. I think. Although maybe I am confusing her with Allison Wagn/r (silver medalist in the 400IM in 96, also presumably no joke). Their webpage.

Allison Wagn/r is now available for private lessons. Allison's background includes coaching and teaching for the past 8 years; 1996 Olympic Silver medalist (400 IM); current world record holder (200 IM); 13 time National champion; 16 NCAA All-American honors; and 2 time world championship silver medalist (1994).

Allison teaches Tues, Thurs, from 3 pm-8 pm; Fri 5 pm-8 pm; and Sat 10 am-3 pm. Lessons are $45.00/half hour. Call Cathy Hu/ang directly to book at 422.6247.

I thought Beard was a Cal swimmer. Thanks for the link. In any case, it only matters that the person has swum at a high level.

Hey, I went to high school with All/son Wagn/r.

Thank you so much Jake!! That's exactly the kind of thing I've been looking for.

Like, we were friends.

Masters does seem a ridiculous title for people in their early 30s. Pro soccer players are at their peak in their early 30s.

On the other hand, I just turned 35, so this gives me a chance if/when I compete.

78: No way. Was she clearly going to be an Olympic medalist then?

77: Let me know how it goes. Now I'm having one of my recurring thoughts about how it would be a good idea to try to train for the 200 IM again and see what I could pull off.

"Masters" is just sometimes a way to say "dedicated amateur who isn't going to compete in our Olympic competitve stream, but still wants an outlet."

A friend's father was an Olympic medalist in Water Polo. The friend was however a drug-ridden wastrel.

Let me know how it goes.

You and the whole world.

it would be a good idea to try to train for the 200 IM again and see what I could pull off

Yeah!

Yeah!

If we can find two more people, we can have an Unfogged Medley Relay!

Because relays are fun.

I don't know who's local, but I think eb and slolernr have both mentioned that they swam in high school, and phred swam in college. (But I think eb and slol both swam breast, so we're a little overloaded there.)

Most non-ball sports - "athletics"? - peak at or before 30 - after that, the various systems start to decay, scar tissue/cartilege damage kicks in, etc. In ball sports, there's enough skill/hermeneutic knowledge to stretch the peak out another 5 yrs or so. But Lance was like 32 for his last TdF, and was viewed as being oldish. What's amazing is that you don't reach TdF level until you're in your mid-20s, so the whole window of opportunity is 5-7 years. Obv, you can be a lower-level performer (still in the Tour, but not in the top 50%) for longer, but it's a tiny window.

In pure speed events - track, swimming - you can peak earlier, but I think only the super-elite can hold the peak more than ~6 years - it's why winning medals in 3 Olympics is so rare in many/most events.

Is there a 4X breast relay?

I can swim fly or free. Back if absolutely necessary.

I have started swimming again bc I have a reunion of my college swim team in April. The trash talking has already started.

Well, I'll swim anything but breastroke, so the rest of you can fight amongst yourselves.

But seriously, relays are so much fun that if you even think you might actually enter a Masters meet I'll pay the membership fee and train more than nominally.

80 - yay, thanks for caring!

She went to the World Championships our freshman year and got a gold medal, so everyone knew she was big time.

Senior year she swam for our high school team. Poor girl, she pissed everyone off. She couldn't train with them because she needed to be training with her coach, she hadn't swam with them for the past three years, and everyone else's Big High School Glory paled in comparison.

89: It's fighting dirty, but don't be afraid to spend $50 on booze for your competitors the night before. Preferably cheap tequila.

Why dont you want to swim Masters?

Masters = choice. Some people are intense, but most are not. Swim hard if you want (softball for apo), go easy if you want.

Shit, you know what would be fun/funny? A mixed length relay - running or swimming. Like, 100M, 200M, 400M, and 800M. You'd have to switch up the order to maximize excitement, but imagine how teams with different strengths would have different anchors (and Michael Johnson would relay to himself).

91: Ugh... I can only imagine what it would be like to have to swim against an Olympian in high school. Luckily for me, that's very much a woman thing. Some friend of mine in high school was on a similar track, but ended up getting 3rd at Olympic Trials in the 400 IM halfway through college.

92: You should know that alcohol the night before is a prerequisite. That just dulls the pain.

94: Or have an actual sprint triathalon. 100 yard swim, one mile bike, 200 yard run. Might want to enforce 30 second transitions with a stopwatch.

Why dont you want to swim Masters?

Partly because I'm a loner, but mostly because I don't want to explain, in a group setting "I'm going to skip this lap because I'm having some premature beats and I'd like to avoid going into afib, thanks." It doesn't come up so often, but I had to cut short a couple of workouts with the Swede, and it's just a lot easier when it doesn't make a scene.

100 yard swim, one mile bike, 200 yard run

This would be hilarious. I would change the order to bike, run, swim.

98: Hmm. You think "Hey, guys, medical reasons may sometimes cause me to cut my workout short" would be met with "What? Huh? Tell us more, we must know" instead of "Oh, OK, thanks for letting us know so we don't worry?"

98:
You are being foolish.

I have AV Nodal Re-entrant Tachycardia.

Even without that, I make a point of pride to stop whenever I want, draft whenever I want, come late and leave early.

but mostly because I don't want to explain...just a lot easier when it doesn't make a scene.

translates as "I wouldn't say anything out of politeness and instead would just do the laps and then keel over and DIE."

Actually, it would be met with "Tell us what it was like growing up in Mexico."

102: It's manlier that way. Also, good for meeting lifeguards.

You are being foolish.

I'm being uptight, for which, I assure you, there is no cure.

99: Ogged nails the order. Although Christ, would you be winded at the end. I imagine a lot of people inhaling water in the last 25M.

This is all the advice about your stroke you need, ogged.

104 - Lifeguards? Not quite.

Uptight is banned from most Masters practices. I'll check the rules.

Self-deprecation is required. Skipping laps, drafting, feigning illness so you can rest and beat people at the end.....now that is a Masters practice.

106: Well, it's a sprint. If you can climb out of the pool right away, it means you did it wrong. I wonder what one would have to do to set that up - I should talk to my old swim coach.

Or rather, if you aren't sucking water the last 25 yards of your 100, you should have gone out faster.

I'd think the venue would pose a logistical challenge, unless the swim were open water.

Well, and 1 mile is a really short bike ride - you'd almost want to do it on a (banked) track. So all you need is a velodrome with a running track and 4 lane lap pool in the middle.

There are several in most communities.

4 lanes because keeping track of a few dozen people sprinting 200M would be beyond insane.

There are postal relays all the time, just for the loner in each of us.

Jake, go!
Ogged, go!

111: It just seems to me that people would be massively winded going into the water, would try to force their way through, and would have a lot of trouble at the end.

Although a 200 takes a lot less air than 400, so maybe not as bad as I'm thinking.

The funniest thing is 4 minutes of activity with 1 minute of changing.

Hell, you can sprint 200M in bike shoes, if you get the right ones. And you don't need padded shorts to go 1 mile. So maybe the only change is ditching the shoes at the water.

Venue shouldn't be a huge problem - most colleges would probably have enough paved sidewalks to put together a one mile ride, ending about 100 yards from the fire exit doors from the pool deck. Bike, drop your bike, when the transition officials say "go" run to the pool, when the guy at your block says "go", swim like hell.

And "a lot of trouble at the end" is practically the point. It'd be like the other Jake that I swam with in college who did the 200m fly, out in 1:00, back in 2:00.

maybe the only change is ditching the shoes at the water

That's what I was thinking. You don't even need socks for a race that short--just a swimsuit and shoes. God, this would be fantastic chaos.

I find all the swim talk really fascinating. I swam in high school, but I swam shitty, and never got any actual coaching; the team was large, so there wasn't any time for giving any particular attention to the bottom of the barrel like me. Plus I think the coaching was just not very good -- there was no general instruction to speak of, just a series of swimming activities that we all did. Also, I do not and never have had a swimmer's physique. My shoulders are so narrow that they hardly exist at all. Basically my arms go directly into my torso. People who do butterfly competitively amaze the hell out of me, as I have never been able to do it in a way that involves getting enough height to breathe, ever.

And if you do it bike-run-swim, you might not even have to have the timed transitions. Just need some officials to shout out lane numbers as you approach the pool "You - lane 8!"

As much as I loathe long course, long course 100M would make this a lot easier. Maybe the finish line would have to be twenty yards from the end of the pool.

I swam in high school, but I swam shitty, and never got any actual coaching; the team was large, so there wasn't any time for giving any particular attention to the bottom of the barrel like me.

Oh man, was that my experience. My high school swim team was serious; we had serious contenders at State every year, and then there were the people like me who were on the team because athletics were mandatory.

I ended up not completely sucking at backstroke, because I have the build for it (skinny) but I was never good enough to complete first string.

Best anecdote indicating how good our team was and how bad I was: our last meet of my junior year was against another high school that wasn't quite as good, but had some decent swimmers. We had won the meet handily before the last event, which was the 4x100 free relay. There were a few swimmers on there team who needed better times to qualify for state, or something, so our coach agreed to set up a team to basically pace the other guys. The team consisted of our three best swimmers, and, for laughs, me on the anchor leg.

By the time I hit the water, I had a three length lead. We lost.

Gah! "there" s/b "their." Must preview.

Has anybody produced a toddler triathlon, featuring tricycles, wading, and running?

What sport is designed for the slight, short, shoulderless, and curvy? No sport, I think. Alas.

Polo?

There are high schools where athletics are mandatory? Jesus.

125- be the boatdriver for crew, either fours or eights (not gonna say it, so there).

but I swam shitty

Interesting: "shitty" gets ~8.5 million google hits, but "shittily" gets only 18,100.

I was going for the parallel with, for example, "He plays ugly."

Does coxing involve much in the way of sustained athletic activity? I've often wondered.

I think I hadn't even turned 30 when I started rowing masters.

I swam in high school, but like a couple others here, sucked pretty hard and was basically ignored by the coach. I did it not because of a school athletic requirement, but because of my parents' "don't be such a pussy" requirement. I started again recently, only because a friend was really enthusiastic to do it, and I needed his enthusiasm just to get me into the gym for anything. Now that we've been at it a few weeks, though, I'm really enjoying it and entertaining myself with fantasies of getting all hardcore about training (thus the question about training paddles). Kind of like our host, perhaps.

I'd much rather be rowing, though.

130: Sure, I'm not casting aspersions. I just realized that I had never actually heard the word "shittily" said out loud ever, and had probably read it fewer than ten times. And I'm pretty certain those times were only when it was being used to modify an adjective rather than a verb (e.g., a shittily designed plan).

Now I'm just saying the word over and over again to myself.

130: Jeez, I go 130 comments suppressing my juvenile urge to joke about breast stroking, and then you have to go and bring up coxing.

Breast coxing can be a good form of exercise if you have the right spotter.

The cox had to breast stroke ashore after the stroke caught a crab and capsized the shell.

130, 132:

"Uglily"

I will stride about declaring: "Oh, he said so incredibly uglily ...."

Daring anybody to say a fucking word about it.

127: 'Twas the bane of my high school existence. There were some ways around it -- you could be the equipment manager for the "C" basketball team, for example.

In retrospect, I wish I'd taken advantage of the mandatory physical activity to become a bit less scrawny.

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream:
Shittily, shittily, shittily, shittily; life is but a dream.

"life" s/b "lifeguard"

Throws the meter off, unfortunately.

It's a folk song, so it doesn't matter if you put a couple extra syllables into a line.

don't matter, that is

Hey are you the guy who made the incorrect Lehrer reference (s/b "we'll try to stay serene and calm") recently? Come on man, get with the program.

Is anybody else reading the title of this post as "Swimming Reality: Check, Please" -- is the ambiguity intentional?

143: No, that's not a line that I'd fuck up. Suppressing my inner w-lfs-n was a challenge.

143: I noticed the misquote, but I'm trying to exercise the suppression of pedantry.

"suppression" ought to be the collective noun for a group of pedantries.

(or "a w-lfs-n of pedantries")

138-140: clearly, "lifeguard's but a dream." No meter problem.

Thanks, lurker!

147: A correction of pedantries.

Now that they've legalized the dolphin kick on the pull-out

In one of the last meets I ever went to, I got DQ'd for doing a dolphin kick underwater to start the breastroke part of the 200 IM. I had no idea I did this - I still think I didn't, never having done it before and breastroke being my best and most competed event - until an official handed me the DQ slip. It would have been my best time by 10 or 15 seconds, too.

breastroke s/b breaststroke (twice)

A mixed length relay - running or swimming.

Track actually has these, but they call them medley relays. High schools and colleges often have them in meets, but I don't think they do them internationally with professionals except for exhibitions.

Not to get all Wofsonic but isn't the use of 'shittily' in 132 also adverbial?

It's the designing that was shitty vis the thing was designed shittily.

Personally, I use 'shite' and it's derivatives, but fucked if I know how you'd spell the adverbial derivative. 'Shiteily', 'Shite-ily', 'Shitely'?

Of course the whole swimming project could just be to manufacture a plausible reason to shave the hair...

Or I could just be grumpy because I am a really bad swimmer and when I took some "improvers" lessons, my improvement was incredibly slow compared with everyone else. This doesn't happen me with other exercise, that is, I'm the opposite of athletically gifted but if I put in effort I can become noticeably better inside a few months.

Mmm, maybe I should defer to better pedants, but "designed" is an adjective describing "plan," isn't it? "The shittily designed plan was destined to fail."

Yes, "designed" is an adjective modifying "plan" and "shittily" is an adverb modifying "designed."