Somewhere in the middle of those 22 kids, I swear there's a balll.

A quick google search turns up this.

Back in my soccer days, I recall scrimmages being the most helpful practice. Also the most fun.

Teach 'em to head the ball. Make sure they know that head-butting is also a really useful way to knock other people down, or even break their noses, depending on your aim.

I know you're not allowed to use your hands to touch the ball, but is it okay to use them for eye-gouging?

Trash talk is the most important part of any sport. If you can distract your opponents by making them think of absurd and uncomfortable sexual positions for their grandmothers, you've got them where you want them.

Been there, done that. Without reading the link at 2. I would say teach them to keep spread out and to go to where the ball will be, not where the ball is.

Yelling at the referees usually works. Just scream, "let them play," whenever they blow the whistle.

My son says that sandwiching is fun. While you're running downfield, Sally and her best friend should run into an opposing player form opposite sides.

My brother was a hotshot youth soccer coach and I'll email him.

Thank you. Good little kid drills, and a link to a clear explanation of the rules (like, when do you throw the ball in from the sides, and when from the corner) and basic strategy (like, what are the positions, and what should they be doing) are what I mostly need.

Here you go, courtesy of one of my earliest blog posts. (Scroll down for the tactical diagrams.)

I have a feeling that in about two weeks, LB is going to know more about soccer than a couple of dozen people in the world.

Blast you, I was planning to be pathetically grateful. Foreigners all know about soccer, or football, or whatever you call it, don't you? Hrmphf.

12 to 10.

Is 11 missing an "all but"? Because if so, I have the same feeling.

GODDAMNIT! Look how much I wrote before realizing there was a tidy little link posted.

I've coached. Here are your main skills to teach:
1. passing the ball back and forth to each other with the instep of their foot

2. dribbling (all they need to know is: try to touch the ball lightly and run behind it.)

3. shooting (whatever, they'll just toe the hell out of it.)

Make them run a lap around the field.
Do two or three drills, depending on attention span.
Any drill you can think of will work fine, ie:
-they line up in two lines facing each other, pass the ball back and forth, then get in the back of their lines.
-they take turns shooting on a goalie
- they play mini-soccer with teams of two, in a small square.

Then scrimmage for the rest of practice. Oh look. A link. Or just do whatever the link says. The link is God, and I'm just pickled herring.

I was planning to be pathetically grateful.

Sorry for the slight swindle. But while 2 may have given you actual drills, my gift to you is the cultural capital you need to get by in conversation about international football with other football types. Those pictures are entirely accurate in that regard. Also you can use them to spot the styles encouraged by parents or coaches from these countries.

Try this. or this.

They're six. This means that no matter what you teach them, when they play, all twenty-two kids will encircle the ball and proceed to kick each other in the legs. Occasionally, the ball will squirt away; they they will chase the ball, surround it, and proceed to kick each other in the legs. The slower ones will do cartwheels and pick at the grass.

Kieran, that's awesome.

This could be useful. I recommend you click the link at the bottom, to buy the entire list.

18: We called it "the banana league" because the players clustered in such cute bunches.

There's an enormous initial advantage to the first player who figures out what soccer players are actually supposed to do.

Soon Davies or Ttam will come along to explain that soccer is best taught by kids to slightly younger kids, with no parents around.

There's an enormous initial advantage to the first player who figures out what soccer players are actually supposed to do.

Yeah, the thing is, in theory Sally as the coach's kid should be getting the individual attention to get her to this point, except that I don't know what soccer players are actually supposed to do.

I refereed a little kid soccer league when I was in high school, and they instituted a "bunching" rule. When the whistle blew, everybody had to freeze, and whichever team had more kids around the ball got the penalty.

24 is hilarious.

23. One thing you can count on though, is that several parents will willingly point out to you everything that you are doing wrong. They will not volunteer to help coach.

There are lots of links to resources for soccer coaches. I assume you have looked at some, which prompts the question, what, specifically are you looking for? A primer on the basic rules? Drills?

I was the worst player on my high school soccer team, so I claim no particular expertise, but I would think that knowledge of the basic rules and drills on what heebie-geebie wrote in 15 is more than enough for now.

It's funny, Sally was in this same program in the fall, and I didn't see the bunching -- kids seemed to be playing positions. They were playing badly, but not just chasing the ball -- comic incompetence meant that, for example, the kids playing defense would be staring into space while the other team ran past them, rather than that they'd be up by the other team's goal clustering around the ball.

27: Not really; I just got the call guilting me into this three minutes before putting up the post. The link in 2 is kind of confusing, but I'll be looking around for rules and stuff later on.

I looked only briefly, but this looks OK and and this has lots of links.

Some coaches believe that it's a powerful motivational tactic, after you've got the kids trust, to pick one of the poorer players and scapegoat and humiliate them until they either quite the team or commit suicide.

Ooo, the first one of those looks very useful.

My wife and I did a lot of soccer coaching when we lived in the US (recreational, mainly girls). Sally is fairly young, right? (6?, 7?). A few thoughts:

At the young ages particularly, touches on the ball are everything. Try to have a ball on every girl's foot almost all the time. AVOID drills where there is a lot of standing around (such as lining up to take shots).

Don't talk too much. They won't take much in. Try to get them doing drills and then -- as best you can -- give individual encouragement and guidance while they are doing the drills.

Teach them how to stop the ball when they are chasing it -- this means they have to get a foot on the far side of the ball.

At young ages, some of them are missing even the most basic idea of the game -- what the aim is, which direction they should be going in.

The "freeze" when there is too much bunching up is great; we use it a lot. But I wouldn't award a penalty (which, apart from everything else, will confuse them about the rules). Once they have frozen in place, tell players where they should be. (I know that's easier said that done if you don't know the game...)

Don't get too hung up on fancy drills. If you can teach them (i) basic passing; (ii) basic trapping; (iii) spreading out rather than bunching up; (iv) basic dribbling (keeping the ball close), then you will have accomplished a lot.

LB, you're getting the good stuff. You won't need my brother's help.

Yeah, she's 7, and the program is 6 and 7 year olds. Passing, trapping, dribbling, and don't bunch up. Got it.

And just hope that no one expects me to demonstrate credibility by juggling the ball with my knees or anything.

I'm not sure what drill would have been good for my problem: running away from the ball during fast play. (I got scared!)

I have the same problem in softball games. I'm fine in the outfield, where I can see it coming and place myself, but in the infield I almost got my shins smashed by a hard line drive last summer, and now infielding makes me very nervous.

I also sucked in the outfield. I would see the ball coming, place myself, and then kinda squirm away at the last minute. There are reasons I ended up in dance.

I rocked at kickball, though.

I never got the hang of any ball sport at all, which is why I'm a little nervous about this. Sally's reaction: "But Coach Jamie [the guy who had them last fall] was good! How will we get good when you don't know how to play?"

The most important component is providing alcohol to the parents. A keg, a couple of cases, tequila shots...any of the above.

For the kids, make sure parents bring excellent snacks and drinks. Get your daughter to tell you the best kind (ie ones with the most sugar).

Get a hot 19 year old girl to help you.

My ex coaches our daughter's soccer team. And while there is a bitter, spiteful side of me that guiltily enjoys listening to some of the too-tightly-wound parents on the sideline griping about how badly he does it, the angel on the other shoulder reminds me that he means well and tries to at least make it fun. One day I'll just snap at them all that, while I think he's generally a miserable schmuck, this is actually one of the decent things he does so they can all just shut their stupid traps. (And, yes, they griped about him in front of me back when we were still married, too, so there is no shame amongst soccer parents.)

The kids seem to enjoy themselves and don't seem to mind too much that they have won only one game in the past three seasons -- but be forewarned that you may have to deal with some obnoxious parents who, while unwilling to actually volunteer for the job themselves, have plenty of time and energy to snipe from the sidelines.

How will we get good when you don't know how to play?"

THe best swim coach I ever had (he was an age group and college swimming and water polo coach and in the later role was several times in the running to coach the US Olympic team) could barely swim. Learn the rules, drill them on fundamentals and let them have fun.

22 made me laugh because it's true.

The advice above all seems good, though. Dribbling, ball control, trapping, shooting, basic positioning on the field, passing, etc.

Doing one-twos, too -- where one kid passes to another who traps it and then passes it back to the first kid who has run ahead (repeat). It should look like a zig-zag movement of the ball while the two kids move ahead in parallel lines. Once you get good the passes are one-touch with no trapping.

http://expertfootball.com/coaching/combinations.php [shows how it is done]

The BBC produced a couple of 'soccer-school' DVD sets with famous British players showing all the basic techniques, practice drills, and so on.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Owens-Soccer-Skills-Owen/dp/B00006420S

I watched it at the time as I was a bored student -- and it was excellent.

I'll bet it would be worthwhile to watch a few games -- real games (on DVD or whatever) -- once you've got a handle on the basic techniques and concepts and can see them in action. Suddenly you'll see how things work.

Our high school soccer coach was the Scottish national coach (for under-18s) and coach of the national team's reserves. Ironically, when he took us for soccer* I don't remember us ever really doing drills -- we just played games -- but that was 15 year olds who'd been playing their entire lives.

* in P.E. class, I was never in the team and never anywhere near good enough

Oh yeah, and all the drills mentioned so far (as far as I can see) are geared towards players with the ball, but you'll need to work on tackling and defensive play, too. And goal-keeping.

http://expertfootball.com/training/tackling.php

[has some good advice -- in fact that site seems generally excellent]

Ttam, my brother's Vancouver BC youth soccer team toured Scotland when my niece was about 15 (approx. 1998-2002). My brother was a chaperone and ruined my niece's life, because he wouldn't let any of the other girls go lookig for skeezy Scottish guys, so thay all hated him and her too.

Hahah.

Depending where they toured the guys could vary between pretty skeezy and wholesome strapping country types. The skeezy areas produce the best footballers, obviously.

OK. Divide the mob by a factor of five. Do the same with the pitch. Make them play five-a-side.

This is good because a) it beats the bunching, b) five-a-side forces everyone to get the ball, c) it teaches the single most important skill, the first touch, and d) the speed is roughly double that of a full-sided game, so it makes them twice as tired and therefore half as troublesome.

I keep thinking of more helpful points. Like: Purchase cones. Use light/dark t-shirts to divide up teams, whenever you have teams.

Make games other than scrimmages, like competitions to see which team can accomplish task X the most times without messing up.

Make as many drills as possible involve running, instead of standing around, ie after the kid performs a task, they run to a cone and back. The team that loses runs a lap. Etc. Run run run. (Not so much that they start to hate you, but just to keep more kids active at any given point.)

Your goals are:
1. Get all the kids thoroughly tired by the end of practice.
2. Get them all familiar with basic terminology: dribbling, shooting, passing, trapping.

(These kids might be old enough to start learning not to toe the ball, incidentally, because that's a habit that should be broken as early as possible. I was thinking you were coaching 4-5 year olds, instead of 6-7 year olds. Also how to head the ball. E-mail me if you want more info on this stuff - I've got tons of opinions.)

For coaching during the game: you'll need to know the positions and (I barely mean anything by this) what each one does. All you do during the game itself is cheer them on and respond to any complaints.

Lots of good drills here, LB.

Don't forget to only play the good kids.

You guys are all incredibly useful. Now I just have to spend the next two weekends in the park with Sally and Newt all day, trying to get myself to the point where I can kick the ball straight for demonstration purposes.

At that age, it is relatively easy to make everyone happy.

Be energetic and enthusiastic. Keep it simple for the kids. (ie don't bunch). Practice the basics.

Let them have fun.

Make sure that every kid gets the same playing time. This is absolutely the most critical part of your job.

re: 52

That is easier said than done! No toe-poking.

http://www.footy4kids.co.uk/how-to-kick-a-soccer-ball.htm

The second page describes the various types of kicks -- with the instep, inside of the foot, outside, etc.

The link given by Apo in 50 looks really good although some of the drills look quite advanced.

OH yeah, Scottish novelist, Christopher Brookmyre has a very funny description of playground football as actually played by kids [free from parental supervision]

http://www.brookmyre.co.uk/bamparch5.htm

To ensure a fair and balanced contest, teams are selected democratically in a turns-about picking process, with either side beginning as a one-man selection committee and growing from there. The initial selectors are usually the recognised two Best Players of the assembled group. Their first selections will be the two recognised Best Fighters, to ensure a fair balance in the adjudication process, and to ensure that they don't have their own performances impaired throughout the match by profusely bleeding noses. They will then proceed to pick team-mates in a roughly meritocratic order, selecting on grounds of skill and tactical awareness, but not forgetting that while there is a sliding scale of players' ability, there is also a sliding scale of players' brutality and propensities towards motiveless violence.

re 54: LB doesn't need to be able to do it herself. She needs to be able to determine which kid is able to do it correctly and have them demonstrate it.

I'm serious about this, especially with heading the ball and shooting the ball, which she won't master very quickly.

(As a vote of confidence: I had coaches in youth soccer that didn't play themselves, and I didn't think twice about it. Practice was fun, got done, we ran around and you don't have much frame of reference at that age anyway.)

As a coach, the only time I got yelled at by a parent was after I'd had them do a bunch of trust-exercises, ie catch each other falling type things, near the end of the season. He came over and reamed me out for not having them touching the ball during practice after we'd lost all our games all season. Then at the season-end tournament that Saturday, we won our first two games. In your face, Asshole Dad.

There's no heading in this program -- when they turn 8, they graduate to the next level which might include heading. Which is good, because that's not a skill I'm at all interested in acquiring. I have a very strong instinctive 'protect the face' reaction.

Oh! This was weird, too. I met my team - 9/10 year olds - and had the first week or two of practice leading up to the first game. Then the best three kids mysteriously disappeared from my team.

Turns out the mom-and-pop duo who always had the winning team in each age group rigged their teams by cherry-picking their roster after they watched the kids play.

She needs to be able to determine which kid is able to do it correctly and have them demonstrate it.

I suppose that makes some sort of sense.*

Also, it works differently in the US, I suppose, where there isn't a culture of football watching.

* not being negative, honest! The kids'll have fun either way ...

Yow! Skulduggery in the playground. Again, this is a very low-key, educational program -- the idea is mostly to get the kids familiar with soccer before they start really playing competitively at eight. (At which point I get to choose between the co-ed league and the girls league. You people mostly sold me on the idea that the girls league would be better for her, but I might try and reopen discussion on that this summer when I have to decide. And then Newt starts the peewee program in the fall.)

How much structure is provided for you?

I know a lot of youth coaches these days in Europe and the UK are moving away from traditional soccer drills and competitive play and more towards just getting the kids to have fun with the ball with a view to developing the sort of advanced ball skills that translate to actual play a year or two later.

LB, it's been a long time since I've watched kids play, so I may be getting the stage wrong. However, if I remember correctly your main problems (besides scouting from the other teams, apparently) are going to be twofold. The natural inclination for kids this age is a) everyone runs after the ball, all the time (keepers only mostly excluded) and b) nobody remembers what they were going to do with the ball when they get it.

This second point results in a few behaviours, depending on the personality of the kid. They will either kick it away as fast as they can (in a somewhat random direction) or try and run with it as fast as they can (in a somewhat random direction). Very occasionally they will just stare at it. Or run away. Or sit down. Every once in a while the ball accidently ends up in a net and both sides make noise. Oh, and oranges at `1/2 time'.

If this accurately describes the league your are coaching in, any amount of drills or strategic talk are best aimed at addressing this `swarm' effect. Have them practice passing, and running with the ball. If you can actually get them to perform a `give and go' (two people on one team can get past one person on the other team by passing, basically) then you are doing marvelously.

Huge amounts of structure -- I'm freaking out because of complete incompetence, and because the guy coaching Sally's team in the fall seemed to know what he was doing so much, but I don't really need to know much.

There are maybe ten eight-kid teams in the same park -- the program starts with them all in a huge circle, and the guy who runs the program talks a little and runs them through some drills. Then the 'coaches' run off with their teams to separate areas and do more drills. Back in the circle, for some more talking and more communal drills, and it finishes up with a scrimmage against another team. My role is really 45 minutes of drills, and managing the scrimmage; not more than that.

BTW, it's conventional that the ball should not go over head height in a five-a-side game.

What else? Drills should involve running like a bastard, then doing something pointful - say, sprint to the line, turn, complete a wall pass with the next person, and shoot between the cones.

re 62: hope I'm not repeating too much. I should note this characterization is probably much more fitting to north american kids, who often haven't really seen any football at this age.

LB: might find something useful here .

I pity the fool parent who tries to yell at LB.

My favorite soccer coach was the old Italian guy who "helped out" the main coach for our all-girls preteen team. He chewed on a toothpick and laughed at us and was generally very happy like only a retired mafia don can be. I never figured out what his story was.

As a coach, the only time I got yelled at by a parent....

Heebie-G must be scary. Some of the sports parents I knew would have cursed their own mother, Mother Theresa, or the Blessed Virgin herself if they had been coaching.

I pity the fool parent who tries to yell at LB.

Well, LB has a niceness problem , but we can hope that she'll be able to overcome it.

For the Rogans of the world, this is not original to me:

A must read for Parents and Grandparents.

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose, we do it together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother".

I'm not scary, just taught a bunch of kids with normal parents who knew their kids sucked at soccer and didn't care too much if we won or lost. Also I was 16 years old. Maybe they didn't want to yell at the junior in high school.

49 and 62 have it right (and 53 and 61 make good points), and I think there might be good games in the link in 66. The other links are mostly too advanced for LB's age group. If she can't explain a drill in three short sentences, she probably shouldn't do it.

They're never too young to learn good habits. No kicking with the toe, as mentioned in 49, is one. Using both feet is another -- they should do all drills with right and left foot equally. The coaches who get these girls later will love you forever.

How to kick a ball? Planted foot to the side of the ball, a couple of inches away, knee slightly bent, pointing in the direction that you want the ball to go. Kicking foot at 90 degrees. Try to hit half-way up the ball, with the instep. Follow through just a little. Got it? OK, get out to the park and practise. Right and left foot!

Er, to be absolutely clear, it's the foot, not the knee, that should be pointed in the direction that you want to kick.

My wife coached my son for 4 years when he was young and ended up liking the experience, and my son grew up thinking that his mom knew all about soccer. She had not been a soccer player before, nor was she a team sports person. She did three key things the first year: (i) found a co-coach -- one of the dads -- who ended up sticking with her through all the seasons; (ii) got a coaching certificate from US Soccer that taught her the rules and a bunch of drills, (iii) made sure that the team parents participated in the snack schedule, helped during games, and threw the team party at the end. Of these, (iii) was probably the most crucial, both to the kids and to the parents. Her last year, she designated herself as "stretching coach" and had the boys (all boys by that time) doing yoga. I grew alarmed...