Are you trying to move to San Francisco itself?
Why, have you had enough of Queens?
I have good connections in the East Bay, but not the city.
4 - There's plenty in San Francisco, thank you.
What neighborhood are you looking at? I think my one friend in The City is pretty nicely situated, but I can ask.
Ist der Grund wirklich wichtig? Genügt es nicht, dass ich so entschieden habe, ohne eine Rechtfertigung meiner Entscheidung geben zu müssen?
(I hit "post" in full fear that there are ten zillion horrendous mistakes in the above...)
snarkout: we've mostly been looking in the mission, duboce triangle, hayes valley (some surprisingly reasonable places), panhandle, haight/ashbury, lower haight, & like that there. Though of course even suggestions on where to consider would be worthwhile; as I said in the post, desultory.
You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.
Badness of reasons only rarely prevents one from taking a course of action, ogged, so I don't see how any discussion on that score is to the point.
You needn't share, dear Ben. I thought it might be relevant.
Have you considered the possibility that there may be some neighborhoods within San Francisco that are much less convenient than might be, say, East Oakland?
Something to consider: everyone in Oakland is murdered, every day.
You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.
And we'll totally take you in a hoop-it-up contest.
And we'll totally take you in a hoop-it-up contest.
I would pay money to see that. I'm betting that Yglesias can't go left. Also, the idea of w-lfs-n in the post makes me happy. Especially if he puffed out the fro, Corzine style.
I've been killing--or at least severely wounding--a lot of threads recently. Hmm.
To commit a minor indiscretion error, I was just theorizing to Ogged over email that NYC has the craziest Craigslist personals but the Bay Area has the craziest Craigslist apartment section.
The timing.
Kosher salt! But must he be circumcised?
Is that for real? Wouldn't it really hurt?
The opposite of Lot's wfe turns out not to be Lot's wife with a moustache.
I don't really know anything about Oakland, and I think craig wants to be in the city b/c he'll be working there.
Wait, we have to limit the unremitting mockery of YOU, or of Jo-Jo the Tan Room-mate?
I love how the woman in that ad specifies, "no creeps."
24 s/b "I really do not feel I need to explain this further."
Is it too late in the thread to make fun of the mistakes in w-lfs-n's German?
I found that ad on Metafilter and then I made the mistake of clicking around the NYC CL personals looking for other funny ones. Yeeech. Now I want to bathe my brain.
If the mockery were limited to the first 150 comments, would it be unremitting?
24 -- Wait, you're going to be living with craig? He of the list?
I really do not feel I need to explain this further.
Especially if it gets right in the bloodstream, it doesn't take that much salt to kill you. Packing it in there like that, who knows. I really want to believe she isn't serious.
Now I want to bathe my brain.
In saltwater?
I haven't put anything in a vagina since I read this Straight Dope column.
At first glance I read 29 as having been posted by RZA.
I haven't put anything in a vagina
This seems a bit of an overreaction . . .
You have to tell me what they are, and not just maintain their existence, bza. How else will I learn?
After I posted that, it seemed kind of pissy to go on. And I might be wrong too. But: "Entscheiden" has to be reflexive in this sort of case. And "eine Rechtfertigung geben" might be right, but it sounds kind of weird to me; you could use "ohne meine Entscheidung rechtfertigen zu müssen."
If we're going to talk about things germanic, it's probably more interesting (and relevant to the roommate search!) to consider the sitzpinkler.
The sitzpinkler thread. Ben's sitzpinkler post.
Verily, we are all little bitches. And this little bitch is going to bed.
You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.
And we'll totally take you in a hoop-it-up contest.
Dance-off or cook-off and I'll put money on Team West. Dude! We could have a training montage. I love a training montage.
Ok, I thought "entscheiden" should be reflexive, so I'm not too put out by that. No one ever explicitly told me when to use "ohne ... zu" bzw. "ohne dass ...", so I was worried about that.
cook-off and I'll put money on Team West
Maybe you're thinking of your own mad skillz, but I wouldn't put myself and ogged against Spackerman any day of the week.
You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.
Who would stab whom first?
Smart money's on whom.
Does anyone have a spare $250? I'm feeling acquisitive. I would like to acquire your $250.
Anywhere within walking distance of BART in the East Bay will be closer to anywhere near BART in the City than the Sunset, Richmond, Marina, etc...
My commute to the Financial District is faster from Oakland than when I lived out in the Avenues.
The only problem is the BART stops running after 12:30, so have friends' places to crash at or be forced to wander some unfriendly streets.
I wouldn't put myself and ogged against Spackerman any day of the week.
You'll take him no problem, after I put you through the rigorous training reqime, with the windsprints and the push-ups in slow motion and the practice chopping onions. Besides, we would be the underdogs. We're guaranteed to either win or to have a personal revelation that is even better than winning. Have you never seen the movie?
The important question is which river's water you prefer: the Tuolumne or the Mokelumne?
There don't seem to be any images of the MAD feature "Book! Movie!" online.
So exactly true and such an important consideration, eb.
49: If you post a public naked picture, SB, I'll pony up.
Anyone with me?
If you post a public naked picture
Of whom?
You'd sell someone else's naked picture? Tacky.
Pseud nude shrewd, dude.
Stewed dude on 'luudes queued to view lewd nudes, said Hugh'd wooed prude too into crude mood.
What's your problem with Jo-Jo? He's hot, cool, fun, and no drama. Are you afraid you're not good looking enough?
60 rock the mic while I strum tha oud
51: this is America, there are no personal revelations better than winning. Personal revelations come after the defeat in the middle of the movie, and lead inevitably to victory in the final sequence.
59: I'm not the one who's all squeamish about naked pictures.
D'oh. I just finished searching for housemates for my Berkeley flophouse. Some of the craigslist catch was really weird. Ah well, all done now.
holy shit is that straight dope column for real? that's going to give me nightmares. . .
I heard that if you blow in the vagina of a female that it could kill her.
Usually, though, they just inflate and float to the ceiling.
I can't speak for whom.
Speak not for whom the belle trolls.
Indiscretion error in 70?
I was referring to bitchphd.
Spaq commands the court from the point, but Team East has its share of role players: C-Money's a diverse threat at the 3, running baked goods and pasta dishes. Becks rocks the 4 with her Midwestern game. As the SG I deliver slow-smoked brisket & ribs and Tex-Mex. MY picks up the offensive rebounds.
I hadn't really considered Catherine. For some reason, I imagine her as being a sort of Stephen Jackson: a good and decent player and person who might shoot you. Not because she's particularly angry or anything; she might shoot you out of pure happiness.
Cala has vicious mood swings? Or does she like to dance with Bunnies?
I don't know how well it describes Catherine, but 76 is a terrific character sketch for somebody. Welcome to my home page! I kill you!
Bitch PhD floats on the ceiling?
Blowing in vaginas is a very inefficient way of killing people, even women. The guy who first did that probably was really missing his favorite blowup doll. Sort of like calling out the wrong woman's name in the heat of passion, except that calling out the wrong name is an even less efficient modus operandi.
Richard Thompson wrote a song about a man who divorced his wife to marry a blowup-doll, whom he divorced in turn three years later to marry a different blowup doll.
Unknown Hinson's "Polly Urethane" is my favorite blow-up doll love song.
...You're soft and yet resilient
Your colors are so brilliant
Even says right here you're waterproof
Polly Urethane, that's a purty name
I know you won't play games
Play games with my heart
You're adorable, and you're portable
Polly Urethane, you're everything to me...
calling out the wrong name is an even less efficient modus operandi.
More of a suicide method than a homicide one.
Christine Lavin's Artificial Means is also in the same genre:
She says "our love is being kept alive by Artificial Means
You've grown emotionally attached to that polyethelene
Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems
'Cuz our love is being kept alive by Artificial Means"
I remember thinking that "Be My Girl--Sally" by the Police was incredibly edgy when I was 14 or so--OMG! He's singing about--doing it--with a doll! But I'm pretty sure I had no idea what a blow-up doll was before I heard it.
I've never had sexual relations with a doll. I presume I probably know someone who has, but I don't have any knowledge of that. It seems an exceedingly creepy thing to do. I know someone who had sex with a dog; the doll thing seems almost worse.
It seems an exceedingly creepy thing to do.
Please don't otherize people.
I know someone who had sex with a dog; the doll thing seems almost worse.
Uh, no. It really, really doesn't. (Not that there's anything wrong with having sex with a dog if there is some sort of indication that the dog doesn't mind, etc.)
For example, if you were hiring an assassin and the first applicant's preferred method was blowing in the vagina, you'd probably interview more candidates.
Dog's play hard-to-get sometimes, but they love it.
(Not that there's anything wrong with having sex with a dog if there is some sort of indication that the dog doesn't mind, etc.)
I'm on board with saying that even if the dog has a screaming orgasm rivaling the millions of mice, there's something terribly terribly wrong.
No kidding, what will you raise the children as?
I find it despicable that Unfogged has not taken a strong, official position against sex with animals.
In related news, a new twist on jumping the shark.
Cala condones sex with blow-up dolls while denying the lower animals the right to feel loved.
I know someone who had sex with a dog
Just out of curiosity, in what context did he (I'm presuming the person in question is a he) divulge that he had had sex with a dog? Or did you learn about their tryst in some other manner?
93: I think the term is "canine-theoretical."
94: I believe the proper term for that is humping the shark.
There was a girl in high school of whom it was said that she liked to play with her dog's penis. I wonder if a similar situation gave rise to "curiosity killed the cat."
There was a case here where a guy stopped having sex with his gf, started having sex with the dog. She was naturally upset, so she called the cops.
97: He had a website he maintained with a group of old money friends, racking up points based on number of species molested. Extra points for sex outside your phylum. (Sure, sponges are easy, but after that it gets tricky.)
100: Jeebus, how did that come out?
how did that come out?
I'm not a vet, but I think it's just hanging out.
#97. Couples counseling, I'm guessing.
re: 100
I think those stories are urban legends. There were identical stories at my high school too.
how did that come out?
Redrocket redrocket redrocket redrocket...
Dumping your gf for a dog sends a pretty effective message.
There were identical stories at my high school too.
Given teens and their hormones, I'm more inclined to think that people everywhere do it, rather than that they're all urban legends.
if there is some sort of indication that the dog doesn't mind, etc.
Remember, "Arf!" always means "Arf!"
re: 110
That's also a possibility.
I need not repeat that in farm towns stories about sex with animals name names and give helpful "how to" details.
You know what else fits into one of those nozzles on a milking machine?
97- I think he was about 14 when the "incident" occurred, and by the time I knew him (his mid-20s) he had distanced himself enough from the event to be surprisingly open about it. Open enough that I thought at first it was just b.s., but I believe he was sincere.
Given teens and their hormones, I'm more inclined to think that people everywhere do it, rather than that they're all urban legends.
...he said defensively.
"Arf!" always means "Arf!"
Totally cracked me up.
Well, sometimes "Arf!" means "Meow."
To elaborate on 115, this came out in the context of a conversation in which another participant was openly discussing how he routinely received oral sex from his pet ferret. (A consensual arrangement, trust me.) Also, I should note that I'm no longer friends with these people.
118 brings this strongly to mind -- though I know this is not the Children's Literature thread.
And 119 is way disturbing.
Are you trying to top S/EK? How do these conversations occur? I just can't imagine. Apparently, I'm much more of a prude than I realized.
whom it was said that she liked to play with her dog's penis.
Not to get all bullying/oppression-of-women conscious on everyone, but if your knowledge wasn't directly from the alleged-dog-masturbator herself, isn't the likeliest explanation both in Ogged's and ttaM's high schools that people were spreading false stories about some girl out of malice? Playing with a dog's penis, as providing sexual stimulation directly for the dog rather than the person, is a pretty low-odds form of bestiality.
It might have been nastiness, of course, but if you're really curious about penises, and there's one right there.... Anyway, a quick google indicates that she's now married, so I think all's well.
re: 123
Yeah, that was my initial thought re: the stories I heard.
Bringing the conversation back into the gutter, has anyone else here ever bottlefed a calf? There's a farm chore I wouldn't assign to a teenage boy.
I'm amused that the dog masturbation discussion is in the comments to a post titled "Worth a shot".
Also, better just to train your dog to do it on its own.
re: 126
I've bottlefed a sheep [I was about 7 at the time though and innocent of all the gutter-dwelling insinuations] ...
? Playing with a dog's penis, as providing sexual stimulation directly for the dog rather than the person, is a pretty low-odds form of bestiality.
Can I just say that I am so happy that the malice-tell was that ogged's story was insufficiently attentive to female pleasure?
And 119 is way disturbing.
No kidding. I mean, either that ferret had one hell of a big mouth, or . . .
No, I will not contemplate it.
Don't ferrets have sharp teeth? I'm inclined to disbelieve that one.
I've bottle fed calves, camels, lyynx, monkeys, lambs, and zebras.
How on earth do you make that sexual?
You have a very clean mind, and I'm not going to explain. I will say that I felt comparatively inadequate.
For example, if you were hiring an assassin thinking of having sex with someone and the first applicant's their preferred method was blowing in the vagina, you'd probably interview more candidates.
I will say that I felt comparatively inadequate.
130/131- as he told the story (and I can't believe I'm elaborating on this), mouth-size and sharp teeth didn't come into play. The process involved some sort of syrup stuff that his ferret loved, and lots of licking.
I need to hire someone to click on apo's links for me.
Playing with a dog's penis, as providing sexual stimulation directly for the dog rather than the person, is a pretty low-odds form of bestiality
But when prominent cultural figures do this sort of thing, it ups the odds. For more information, Google search "xaviera hollander" and "german shepherd".
That one was harmless. I'm not cautious enough generally -- if there's any centralized log of how often I run into the netnanny block on adult content, I'm in terrible trouble.
"You have a very clean mind, and I'm not going to explain. I will say that I felt comparatively inadequate."
Your mouth isnt full of huge teeth and amazingly frothy?
Yea, our animals tug and bite at the bottle. Vigorous may be nice, but biting and tugging, not so much.
130: Maybe he spread ketchup or something on his, er, dog, and let the ferret lick it off.
But when prominent cultural figures do this sort of thing, it ups the odds. For more information, Google search "xaviera hollander" and "german shepherd".
I'm not going to google because I'm at work, and of course I'm stating the blindingly obvious, but there's a difference between what a woman who gets paid to perform sexually for men is likely to do as part of constructing that persona, and what a woman is likely to do because she actually gets a sexual kick out of it.
If the ferret doesnt lick, you must acquit him of buggery!
143: This was a very young calf -- I'm not remembering teeth.
I'm going to firmly say that the "did you know that so-and-so plays with her dog's penis?" high school story is utter bullshit. The fact that people make bestiality porn notwithstanding.
I need to hire someone to click on apo's links for me.
You might ask your Indian manservant to do this when he isn't busy peeing.
re: 148
I generally agree.
Although, in one case, I've heard someone claim to have been doing that sort of thing [themselves], but, I suspect that was also bullshit -- in the sense of a joke combined with a bit of 'aren't I so dangerous and exciting' posturing.
I honestly don't understand the skepticism. If you were to have asked me, for some reason, what percentage of teenaged girls play with their dog's penis at least once, I would have guessed something like 40%. Kids get curious. (Note: I've never had a pet.)
You've also never been a teenage girl, Ogged.
Even very young calfs have back teeth. My mom has a scar on her finger from learning that the hard way as a kid.
152- 40%?! I was mighty curious about vaginas at one point, but I don't recall ever playing with my dog's vagina as a teenager.
I don't recall ever playing with my dog's vagina
Non-denial denial.
152: The skepticism comes from the fact that in high school people often spread stories about girls that aren't true. The most common one was the "she got a hot dog stuck in her vagina and had to go to the hospital to get it removed."
I think we've opened a window here on some of Ogged's problems with women.
145: IIRC (I was maybe 14 when I read it), the dog incident happened well before the sex-worker career. Maybe she made it up, but it didn't seem out of character. I hasten to add that I'm not making any generalizations, and mentioned it only because, well, the Mineshaft.
I'm generally willing to believe most crazy stories about adolescent (or older) guys and sex, but (a) bestiality is a move too far for easy acceptance, and (b) perhaps because of internalized sexism, or because I assume they can have sex whenever they want, I assume girls (and women) are much less likely to behave in ways that many in society would deem strange and sexually aberrant.
161: I would hypothesize that, if true, there was some abuse situation going on in the background of both the dog sex play and the porn career.
159: Hey, I remember hearing that one!
In other crotch-related news, this picture I took Easter morning demonstrates the great risk under which mine remains.
re: 159
Yeah, there were variations on that in my school. Also stories involving confectionary. To be fair, there were also similar stories told about some of the guys too -- but it was always slightly dorky social awkward guys who couldn't fight back.
Once again, as in the Volokh/bloodlust threads, I'm surprised by y'all's genuine belief that people are basically civilized. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'll bet there are a lot of dogs that, if they could speak, would say different.
164: That's your younger kid, right? I can never remember his name.
I assume girls (and women) are much less likely to behave in ways that many in society would deem strange and sexually aberrant.
My experience of high-school and immediately after is that there are more girls out there doing things society really wouldn't approve of than you think ...
169; I probably should have included some further qualifier like "and less obviously sexually stimulating than just sex." I'd be pretty surprised if there were that many guys who got (and I can't believe the need for the qualifier, but...) human sex regularly, and yet were still nailing the dog.
168: Noah. Keegan's the redhead, who's about to turn 10.
A friend of my cousin's brother-in-law's neighbor was in the hospital when the hot dog was pulled out with a forceps.
She didn't want to have it cut out because, you know, wasting a perfectly good hot dog.
Any woman who knew ttaM in HS and immediately after was a slut. Spread the word. Slut! Slut! Slut! Scottish Slut!!!!
I can't believe the need for the qualifier
That's known as a retronym, one of my favorite silver dollar words.
I'm surprised by y'all's genuine belief that people are basically civilized
I don't believe that. That's why I'm inclined to think that people are spreading rumors about some girl to ruin her reputation / make her cry.
159: Yeah, it's the combination of a very common form of malice, and an activity that wouldn't be particularly attractive to the person engaging in it.
161: The relevant timing isn't when the dog incident allegedly happened, it's when the story was told, isn't it? At which point she's a sex worker writing a titillating memoir.
163: Quite possibly. I'll leave that for others to find out, as "The Happy Hooker" is a book I'm unlikely to pick up again.
an activity that wouldn't be particularly attractive to the person engaging in it
This I also don't get. I mean, there's a penis right there, who could resist?
A guy at my school supposedly had sex with a box of noodles. As a teenaged girl, I believed it totally and ruthlessly mocked him. Behind his back, of course.
171: Awwwww! That gives me hope that maybe if I *do* have a second kid, PK's disappointment when the age gap means they aren't really playmate won't be permanent.
Man's best friend, faithful, undemanding, adoring, low-maintenance, can be put to sleep at will, edible. What's not to like?
When young N. Kinski was asked to play a young object of male fantasy, she modeled her character on her dog.
167: I think it's not that people don't do it, but that you should rarely believe anything about it second-hand, since it's more likely malicious than not.
It's a pretty nice age gap, actually. No fighting, and Keegan is actively helpful with tending the little guy while we take showers or fix dinner or what have you.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'll bet there are a lot of dogs that, if they could speak, would say different.
This may be lack of familiarity with dogs, but if you've got a male dog, you've seen a dog erection. They're frequent, bright pink, and slimy looking. The only information you'd need to touch the dog's penis to get would be 'what happens if I masturbate the dog to orgasm?' and the level of sophistication required to have a good sense of how one goes about that would be beyond the level of someone who was looking for information about human sexuality by comparison with a dog hardon.
Seriously, it's not that girls are unlikely to do sexually adventurous/aberrant things. Just that they're unlikely to do such things if they're neither getting direct sexual stimulation from whatever they're doing themselves, nor doing them for an audience.
178 has *got* to be a joke.
No, Ogged honestly can't resist a penis.
B. doesn't like penises. Lesbian!
re: 180
My nephew is 14 and my niece is 6 -- they get along really well most of the time.
The only information you'd need to touch the dog's penis to get would be 'what happens if I masturbate the dog to orgasm?'
There's also, "I wonder what it feels like?"
179: Cooked, I hope. Wouldn't raw noodles be sharp?
184 is very heartening. That's what I'd hope for, plus actual affection. Hmm.
So, basically, we know a few things: (a) kids are mean, (b) kids have (or had) a sufficiently limited set of sexual experiences such that all manner of crazy stories involving sex seem possibly true to them, and (c) kids are sufficiently ramped up on hormones as to make all manner of crazy stories involving sex credible to adults who remember those days. So you order those truths, and pick the perception on "she nailed a dog" that makes sense of that ordering.
Personally, I don't believe the story ogged's selling. But I guess I can see why he might.
190.--We never found out for sure, but we all assumed uncooked. I think we may have wanted to be disgusted.
LB must have hung around with the nuns-to-be.
Color me skeptical about canine penis-playing stories, too. It isn't impossible, I guess, but malicious gossip seems so much more likely--oh, +85% (to pull a number out of my ass) of the time, at least.
I need not repeat that in farm towns stories about sex with animals name names and give helpful "how to" details.
reminds me of:
Farm boys wild to couple with anything ...
176: Right. She was unquestionably a sex worker writing a titillating memoir; I brought up the timing only because the wanking of the german shepard may not be just a part of the constructed persona, it may be, you know, the actual persona. I don't care either way myself, since I don't have a dog in this fight, so to speak.
189: The answer to that is fairly obviously "Slimy".
189: Seriously, Ogged. First of all, most teenage girls know what a penis feels like. Second, as LB said--dog penises are, frankly, disgusting. Third, EWWWWWW.
I know your own penis is vitally important to you, and you can't imagine the girls not all being so fascinated by such a lovely organ that they simply can't resist, but come on.
we all assumed uncooked. I think we may have wanted to be disgusted
Call me a pastafucker if you must, but I don't get what's so disgusting about this.
And, you know, I'm not committed to the idea that no teenage girl has ever touched a dog penis. It's a big world, and everything's happened somewhere. It's just much, much, much more likely as a malicious rumor than as anything anyone's likely to do for sexual gratification (which was the initial story -- 'liked to' play with her dog's penis. The whole naive curiosity about teh cock, and the dog's is the only one available, idea is a very different story. Not a much more likely one, but a different one.)
re: 200
Carbs, obviously ...
Call me a pastafucker if you must,
Isn't that Derek Jeter's nickname?
First of all, most teenage girls know what a penis feels like.
Or so the mullahs would have you believe.
199: Okay. What kind of freaky sexual experimentation did *you* do in h.s.? Anything comparable to playing with a dog's dick?
195: The laureate of the hillbilly sheep-fucking joke, James "Purty-mouth" Dickey.
Perhaps it would be tactful to shift to a topic with which B. is more comfortable. She's our friend, and everyone has things in their past they'd just as soon not talk about.
Like you, B, I'm as pure as the rivulets of melting snow in the High Sierra in the spring. But other people...
You are just chain-yanking, right? I'd hate to have to worry about you.
Me? No, I'm totally serious. I never had a pet, and I think animals are kind of disgusting on the best of days, but teenagers do all manner of crazy shit when no one's looking.
208: I'm not that pure, and I certainly played with shit like inanimate objects and other people's affections. But by the time I was older than, say, five, I had a pretty clear sense of difference between people and animals--much as I love animals--and was socialized enough to think of animal sex as taboo.
The real question here is "What kind of pasta?" Ziti, I'm thinking.
206: Indeedy. A man can go far on a few good sheep-fucking jokes.
152: And one time I heard about how this girl was in the pool and some boy thought she was hot and he came and then the sperm swam up and got her pregnant!11! And then she woke up in a bathtub full of ice and a note saying call 9/11, and it's good that she did without turning on the light because the guy had murdered her roommate and left a note saying "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?" after masturbating with the coke bottle.
40%?
Me? No, I'm totally serious.
"A man can have sex with animals such as sheep, cows, camels and so on. However, he should kill the animal after he has his orgasm. He should not sell the meat to the people in his own village, but selling the meat to a neighbouring village is reasonable." - Khomeini
210: Go back and read 129. Sexual pleasure is a powerful drive, and people violate taboos to get it all the time. People don't violate taboos to do sexual things that aren't pleasurable for them. This really shouldn't be hard to grasp.
What percentage of teenagers do you think eat shit once or twice, just to see what it's like?
It's not about pleasure in this case, but simple curiosity.
re: 215
I'm generally on the 'it's a nasty untrue rumour more or less all of the time' side on this one.
However, as a general point "people don't violate taboos to do sexual things that aren't pleasurable for them" seem false. For some people, violating taboos is what's sexually pleasurable for them and any definition of sexual pleasure has to include that kind of thing: someone doesn't have to physically get off, to get off.
So, you'd say the story that she liked to play with her dog's penis was maliciously false, but that it's probable that she touched it out of curiosity. And somehow (?) the story got around to be a subject of gossip. This sounds likely.
Again, do you think a lot of people violate other sexual taboos out of pure curiosity?
214 just sounds like the worst advice ever. It makes no sense from any consistent ethical position.
However, as a general point "people don't violate taboos to do sexual things that aren't pleasurable for them" seem false. For some people, violating taboos is what's sexually pleasurable for them
Sure. And for someone in that category, the taboo-violation is rewarding in itself. But that's a minority taste, not general horny-teenager behavior.
I mean, even if you did play with your dog's dick.... how are we imagining this going down? She did it in front of an audience? Told her friends?
Plus, about 35% of American homes have a dog. Not all of those have a teenaged curious girl, so if we think that 40% of American girls have done this..... wouldn't that be nearly all girls who own dogs?
(Silly Cala. They go and molest their neighbor's dog.
Color me skeptical on the Khomeini quote.
you'd say the story that she liked to play with her dog's penis was maliciously false, but that it's probable that she touched it out of curiosity. And somehow (?) the story got around to be a subject of gossip. This sounds likely.
Yes, exactly.
I'm pretty sure 214 is fake.
I hate when you're trying to circulate some malicious gossip and everyone is all "Oh, that's malicious gossip!" Well, duh.
What was her name?
So the point of all this is that it's going to be impossible to find a roommate in SF who has not had at least manual sex with a dog?
219:Someone ought to look it up in what it's written in, either Farsi or Arabic, and see if we're dealing with a wretched or deliberately misleading translation.
The fact that I first read of the "writings" of Khomeini in The New Republic in the late seventies/early eighties now leads me to question their veracity looking back.
how are we imagining this going down?
You're sick. As I understood it, another classmate was her neighbor and had spied her in the backyard. Perfectly plausible. (And it's 40% of teenaged girls with a dog, of course.)
another classmate was her neighbor and had spied her in the backyard
You are the most gullible person in the universe. I thought I was bad, but this is risible.
226: 40% of teenaged girls with an un-neutered male dog.
If I'm getting pissy here, it's because I'm getting the feeling that the syllogism in ogged's head is as follows:
(1) In today's modern liberated world, we must accept that women, and teenage girls, have strong, active sex drives.
(2) What would a strong, active sex drive look like in a woman? I know, let's turn to kinky porn made for male audiences -- that's the truest expression of unfiltered female sexuality!
(3) Of course teenage girls are going to be jerking their dogs off, nasty bitches that they are.
(4) No, I don't know where the clitoris is located. Why do you ask?
According to the book Dog Love (written by my college Shakespeare teacher) in the chapter "Sex and the Single Dog" the vast majority of women who have sex with animals have sex with dogs (mostly oral sex, as the penis bone makes dismount painful) while most men who have sex with animals have sex with sheep (mostly vaginal).
The amazon reviews for this book are priceless as they're either of the form "I thought this would be a nice cute gift for a dog lover I know, but it's evil and repulsive (0 stars)" or of the form "I only got this for the chapter on dog sex, but the rest of the book is really interesting too (5 stars)."
I believe everything I read on websites whose titles drip with blood.
Damnit, missed a slash closing out that italics. That'll teach me not to preview. Sorry.
This is bizarre. Don't you people know any scientists or biologists? They want (and wanted) to feel and smell and taste everything. I know a girl who, of her own volition, collected and catalogued animal droppings and bugs. Plain old curiosity. I don't know why you think the scary dog penis would have magical keepaway properties.
229.4 is definitely justified. But I think you're skipping a couple interim steps, like (2a) Having never owned a pet, because animals are disgusting, I can only imagine that people who like pets cannot distinguish between animals and humans. (3) It doesn't have to be "nasty bitches"; it can just as easily be "silly naifs." (3a) Those silly girls! They're probably so fascinated with penises that they just want to touch one, even if it belongs to an animal and looks almost nothing like a human penis!
Plus, let's not forget the most basic assumption underlying this whole thing: Someone told me someone else saw something by peeking over the fence! What do you mean that's not reliable?
I don't know why you think the scary dog penis would have magical keepaway properties.
We haven't been sufficiently liberated from society's instruction on sex roles.
So, you're not talking about girls particularly (that is, you'd expect aspiring young male biologists to be jerking their dogs off as well), or about any sexual motivation at all. It's all SCIENCE!
This seems pretty far from the initial gossip you found plausible, and still pretty unlikely.
You can troll your own dog penis blog.
Amazing how quickly things slid from blowup dolls to beastiality. I want to return to the plastic blowup doll front: those are totally 20th century. Check out the new wave:
235: I think you and LB are underestimating the extent to which we might find similar stories about guys credible. (I'm not sure how to read LB's reference to porn, so maybe I'm wrong.)
234: Because there's a difference between a very strong sense of intellectual curiosity that overwhelms weak taboos, and what you're assuming is a *normal* sense of sexual curiosity that overwhelms very strong taboos.
Ok, I give up. Apparently you're all either so genuinely incurious about the natural world or so committed to anti-bestiality taboos that this seems implausible to you. Like I said, I would have figured that many people would have done this, and it doesn't strike me as particularly odd. I hate you all.
Color me skeptical on the Khomeini quote.
Me too, but it came up high on google when I searched for "Iranian animal sex".
244: I can't wait for ogged's book on the same subject: "If I Fucked It, Here's How It Happened."
B is a cafeteria Catholic, and the part about bestiality is one of the ones she feels most strongly about.
240: I don't think I'd find the kind of stories that JM and ttaM reported upthread about guys plausible, no. Spreading malicious gossip about people, especially sexual gossip, is extremely common in high school; I'd be disinclined to believe any story that was of a particularly shocking kind of sex behavior and was attributed to a specific individual.
I'm willing to believe things like "some teenage boys have sex with sheep" or "some teenage girls have touched dog dicks out of curiosity," sure. But "Bitch, specifically, likes to play with her dog's penis--this girl I know in math class said she saw her doing it once over the backyard fence" is highly implausible, because (1) it takes the form of most urban legends; (2) it's clearly malicious; (3) it's improbable on the face of it--how could you, looking over a fence, see clearly that someone was playing with a dog's dick instead of, say, putting medicine on a bite wound? Why would a girl performing an obviously taboo and highly stigmatized sexual act do it in the backyard during the daytime? Who the fuck peeks over someone's backyard fence and just happens to catch them masturbating a dog?
Come on.
Not that I'm suggesting it's likely, but at this point if a female commentator were to say she had done this, would she be believed?
The first line of attack would certainly be identity/veracity—"Martha Washington" wouldn't cut it.
instead of, say, putting medicine on a bite wound
I looked over the fence and saw BitchPhD biting her dog's dick.
Furthermore, I'd say half of high school girls, whether they're sexually active or not, are a little freaked out by their own vaginas, and wouldn't seek out a dog penis because there's no curiousity when you're freaked out.
248 captures my thinking exactly.
"I think we should shoot for limiting the unremitting mockery to the first 150 comments, with only discussion of the plausibility of various bestial acts after."
Prescient of you, w-lfs-n.
248 nails it. High school kids spread nasty rumors. That's far more likely than the daylight dog-diddling.
Though I'm sort of wondering how many other high school rumors ogged believes as fact.
Incidentally, y'all we're pwned by a schizophrenic.
In high school there was this girl that everybody said used to suck a snow leopard's ass.
It really bothers me that, after decades of liberation, women still feel that they have to deny something that they all do.
255: Those lyrics are restricted to education and personal use only.
255: Snow leopard's ass is commonly believed to taste like cotton candy, so that's at least believable.
Though I'm sort of wondering how many other high school rumors ogged believes as fact.
Did I mention that I hate you all? Note that I never said I believed or disbelieved the story, and was careful with my original wording. My gripe is that y'all think it's so implausible.
Those lyrics are restricted to education and personal use only.
There's one poem somebody's daughter could recite for her assembly, then.
258: The snow-leopard-rimming lobby hires an amazing PR firm.
My gripe is that y'all think it's so implausible.
But people are disagreeing with just that. If you had said that the woman sucked her dog off or mounted it, that would have, of course, been different.
I'm more inclined to think that people everywhere do it
It might have been nastiness, of course, but if you're really curious about penises, and there's one right there.... Anyway, a quick google indicates that she's now married, so I think all's well.
Those, plus the 40% theory, pretty clearly imply that you believe the story, you prevaricator.
Well, yeah. We're not defending your classmate's honor because we know her and she wouldn't do a thing like that, we're making fun of you because the story's implausible and you don't get that.
you prevaricator.
I heard Ogged prevaricated a dog in high school.
I heard he let the dog prevaricate him.
Obviously the believabillity is predicated on whether the dog (snow leopard) was fixed.
You disbelieve the story about ferret masturbation which someone claimed to have done himself, as well as the Craigslist ad about salt and circumcision which was (I assume, not having followed the link) posted by someone on their own behalf. Both first-person stories involving human dicks. Whereas a third-person story about a woman touching a dog's cock seems plausible to you.
Maybe LB's 229.2 and 3 wasn't so uncharitable after all.
Ogged prevaricated a racehorse's bootyhole.
A simple phone call could settle this. Are you still in touch with the dog-pecker lady?
You disbelieve the story about ferret masturbation which someone claimed to have done himself, as well as the Craigslist ad about salt and circumcision
Teeth, pain. Different than (one reading of) LB's charge. I don't think he disbelieved the story in which Brock's friend fucked his dog.
Looking again at that Criagslist salt ad, I don't really believe it either.
Teeth, pain.
But kids are curious! Maybe they wanted to know what pain felt like!
There are no guys who can get it up who are unaware of what pain in that area feels like.
271: He shouldn't rock the boat. She and the dog just had a baby.
And there are no girls with a healthy sense of sexual curiosity who are unaware that bestiality is strongly taboo.
249: Not me, but I've heard some stories about Hannah Van Buren -- It's not an accident that her "maiden" name was Hoes.
There was a girl at my high school that everybody said was Richard Gere with a gerbil up his ass.
Again, "taboo" is different than "pain." Believe it or not, there are, on the whole, strong sexual taboos against dog-fucking for guys, too.
(Coincidentally, Hannah was on the first women's basketball team at Rutgers.)
Wow, I hadn't seen this thread until now, and boy am I glad to have missed it.
It wasn't one of those cute little old lady dogs, was it, like a shihtzu or a Pekingese?
That would be really sick. But I don't see what the big deal would be about a nice, healthy, loyal, sexy German Shepherd.
My high school had the kid who claimed he fucked horses using WD-40 as lube. Kids claim a lot of shit they don't do so that they can sound experienced and are pretty value-neutral a lot of the time about whether that experience counts as good or bad.
Hey, ogged, I have some property I'd be willing to sell you...
C'mon, Labs. Haven't you ever wanted to masturbate a dog?
282: Too busy rimming snow leopards?
There was a girl at my high school who everybody said mistook a blue whale's testicle for her Volkswagen bug.
And when she drove it away from the drive in, she found a hook hanging off the vas deferens.
A whale's penis is called a dork
...
And said, "why does it taste so salty?"
There was a girl at my high school whose nickname was supposedly "Turtle" because "once you get her on her back, she's fucked."
I never heard anyone call her that directly, though.
288: Arr! The white whale nuts will be MINE!
I just always found that funny, not like it's the most shocking thing ever.
There was a girl at my high school whose nickname was supposedly "Turtle" because "once you get her on her back, she's fucked."
Deeply wrong, but awesome. I'd never heard that before.
Some of the things Beefo Meaty says aren't entirely trustworthy. Be warned.
291 We used that nickname for a girl in our circle in college. She didn't mind. Her boyfriend at the time, however, was not amused.
Don't you people know any scientists or biologists? They want (and wanted) to feel and smell and taste everything.
No I didn't.
Well, not with Oggers around claiming that by "everything" he means "every penis".
242:
No, it's not particulary odd. Maybe odd to diddle your dog or cat for your own sexual satifisfaction, but not odd to have done it out of curiosity, or a simple impulse to please the animal.
(Haven't read comments since 242, so maybe I'm repeating something)
Turtles are very insistent about their penises.
225: One quoter here gives citations. It's a start.
302 That was some lackadaisical insistence.
Turtles spread salmonella. Avoid mouth-to-genital contact and use protection.
Maybe odd to diddle your dog or cat for your own sexual satifisfaction, but not odd to have done it out of curiosity, or a simple impulse to please the animal.
Don't you have to diddle female cats in heat so they don't get all crazy?
I could look it up, but I'd prefer apostropher to.
Maybe the girl was just trying to stock up positive-utility-points in preparation from doing something negative. If she got the dog off, everything's cool.
I thought it only counted if it was mice. Or rabbits.
At least everyone is agreed that doll fucking is worse than dog fucking. I was worried I'd gone out on a limb with that one.
308: Kind of a pay-it-forward thing involving peanut butter and a hard-up friend?
A friend subsituted his cock for a young calf's milk bottle. He emerged in pain but uninjured, saying that the roughness of the tongue was the real problem.
A friend substituted his cock for a young calf's milk bottle. He emerged in pain but uninjured, saying that the roughness of the tongue was the real problem.
313 and 314: Can you spot the difference? Sorry. I thought it was a save, but it was a gaffe.
LB's comparative adequacy has been restored!
312 - Yep. We diddled a young resident cat in heat in that way. It helped her. Else teh crazy.
There was this one girl? In my geometry class? And like, everyone said she, like, trained her cat? to, like, lick, you know, her, you know? eewww!!!!
244 is pretty much the bestest apo comment ever.
I would think LizardBreath of all people couldn't be made to feel inadequate by a mere calf.
On the urban legend tip, there was a boy in 8th grade known as Skippy for a peanut butter adventure with his dog. I think you all had one too. I didn't know him well, but I thought of him as a lower-rung jock -- hapless, predictably abused, but played enough sports to have some status.
321 came up first when I searched for "lingual tricks" "lubricated cavities".
When I heard that story, the dog's name was Skippy, and he was there in a Jif.
323: "The accelerator muscles are essentially sphincters." Hott.
325: I've clearly been driving all wrong.
326: Now you know why in-car Kegel exercises are such a good idea.
At least in stop-and-go traffic.
326. Oddly, it is when my wife steps on the accelerator that my sphincter engages, but your mileage may vary.
It occurs to me that Emerson could start a dual-purpose organization to address both critter love and his no-relationship policies. Perhaps Americans Against Anthrophilia. That's not a word, of course, but this is just brainstorming anyway.
334 isn't it IYKWIMAITYD?
335: North American High School Girl Dog Penis Touching Association
Wouldn't dogs be better than bananas for explaining proper condom use?
"OK, boys and girls! See how Duke is showing some pink? He's hot to trot, but your mommy doesn't want any puppies. So what can we do, boys and girls?"
338: I hadn't realized proper condom use involved neutering.
Just, personally, that's not the solution to "don't want any puppies" that would leap immediately to my mind.
307: Yeah, you can do that. But you can also not do it and just be sadistically amused by the cat's desperate horniness.
Neutering is cruel. Dog condoms are humane. I thought everyone knew that.
It gets better:
Use of these recalled condoms may result in unwanted canine pregnancies. Additionally, meat-scented Dog Condoms® may present a choking hazard, ...
They're still updating that site, huh? They've gotten a lot of mileage out of that one.
