I had a chair-throwing teacher too. One day, pissed that most of the class hadn't done the reading or something, he just picked up one of those same desk/chair combination units and threw it across the room into the radiator. Freaked us the fuck out. He was huge, liked to spend all his afternoons after school down in the weight room.
It was an open secret that one of the teachers was dating a senior girl, though they somehow never got caught. Last I heard, a few years after graduation, they were still together.
Once, while scolding the entire class for giggling, the elderly white librarian at my private Christian elementary school turned to my African-American best friend and said, "And as for you, I didn't like you from day one."
What's a "homeroom advisor"?
"And as for you, I didn't like you from day one."
Holy shit!
Our high school librarian was driven mad by a student who went to school with the younger of my sisters (it's a long story, just take it as read) and as a result was off-balance and prone to aberrant behavior for the rest of her career. She "retired early" eight years later, when I was there as a student, after the assistant librarian (a cousin of mine!) found her applying "lipstick" and by "lipstick" I mean "red dry-erase marker" in a very highly stereotypical scene of the "a woman goes crazy and this is indicated by her makeup" variety. Eventually she was committed but word now is that she recovered enough to function on her own.
My 10th grade homeroom teacher would bring us to order for the day's announcements by shouting that The Great White Father wished to address us via the god-box.
4: No really, the worst part was later when he privately confided in me that he believed Mrs. Graham was "prejudice"; I told him, "I really doubt it."
Sorry Curvin!
it's a long story, just take it as read
Tease.
My friends who've become high school teachers were initially shocked, and are now totally jaded, to the fact that teacher-student relationships are more common than they ever would have imagined.
I've always wondered how I'll deal with teaching college students who I'm attracted to, if that ends up to be my lot in life. Hopefully I'll be all mature and stuff, or better yet, not be attracted to anyone I teach.
What's a "homeroom advisor"?
Something you get at fancy schools.
We had a notoriously sleazy teacher who would do things in class like come up to a girl who was dangling a shoe off her toe and tickle her foot, cup ears in his hand to look at an earring, and so forth. He did a fairly good job of coming across as sleazy-as-comedy, and didn't upset or frighten anyone I knew about, though. (OTOH, he had, early in his career, married one of his students a couple of years after she graduated.)
And there were a couple of teachers 'dating'(screwing) students -- probably more than I knew about, given that I was always out of touch on the gossip.
I had a drama teacher at school totally come on to me. I brushed it off and he didn't push it but a couple of years later he had a wierd tantrum at my then girlfriend [I'd left school a few months before] that could only be explained by his still having some 'issue' with me.
There were several male teachers who sleazed after female pupils and at least one couple who got together (but only after the girl left school).
Ah, memories, memories. There was Mr. Sample, the junior high science teacher who made fun of me for being fat and one of the other nerdy boys for lacking muscles as part of his lecture methods. There was the teacher who made me clean a refrigerator covered with chicken blood, essentially because she didn't like me. There was the high school "Global Studies" teacher who told us that one day an earthquake would make California break off from the rest of the US; it would drift north and "all the faggots would get cold". I often think that most people who want to teach junior high and high school have personality problems.
7: Supposedly he was an inventive and acrobatic young man and would turn cart wheels while her back was turned and such - things she would be sure to catch in her peripheral vision - and then baldly deny having done anything odd. Then he planted one of those music-playing cards, held open, in the ceiling; she would ask him (he spent months as a library assistant as punishment for a variety of infractions) if he could hear music coming from somewhere and he would deny it. It's not very interesting, really, because the methods he used feel too dumb '80s movie to be believable - surely someone else said yes when asked? - but they avowedly worked. What I know first-hand is that she cracked up years later with the dry erase marker thing; the rest is my (generally honest and sincere) sister's version of how it all started. I do not think he was awesome for doing this if it's at all true; she was in no way a bad person.
Mention of a drama teacher reminds me of this sad and funny story from Izzle Pfaff.
Also, come to think of it, I remember at least one female teacher who was pretty sleazy -- she felt my arse once, for example, and was widely rumoured to be screwing a friend of mine. Rumours I give some credence since a couple of times I was party to conversations between then that went quite a long way past the boundary of propriety.
Thanks for satisfying my curiosity, McManlyPants. I feel much better now.
It was rumored in high school that I was screwing the quite-attractive Spanish teacher (who was married). The rumours were not true, though I did very little to quiet them at the time. To this day I've no idea how exactly they were started.
Course, when I was at school in Scotland the teachers could still belt you with a leather strap.
If you were bad, or just cause they wanted to?
Also, one teacher used to drink really minging cold tea at his desk -- he'd lift the scum off the top with a spoon and then sip it -- so a friend took the radiocative sample from its little lead box and quietly dropped it into his tea when he wasn't looking.
The guy damn near had a heart attack and within a few days he left the school on sick leave and never came back. My friend was convinced he'd caused it, but apparently he'd been sick for a while.
re: 19
Mostly if you were bad, but some teachers were known sadistic fuckers who liked to give the belt.
Saying that, I only remember kids being belted maybe half a dozen times in the whole of seven years of primary school, and about the same in the first two years at high school. At which time it was banned (by the European Court of Human Rights, I believe).
My eighth-grade French teacher was driven insane by my class. These really dramatic pretty girls would come into the room, set their stuff down, leave, and then come back, screaming that someone stole their homework. It was so The Crucible. They'd shriek, and pull on Ms. Davis's clothes, and cry up at the ceiling. Why, God? Why was their homework gone? Their parents would kill them! Ms. Davis got so caught up in the act that she stomped up to the class's bad boy (my personal friend), and get an inch from his nose, saying, "You. Will. Give. It. Back. Now." Then he started wailing, "Why me? Why do you always pick on me? Those girls are liars. Why did you assume it was me?"
The scene went on far too long, with everyone shrieking up a pubescent storm, before Ms. Davis picked up her little Eiffel Tower desk statue and charged toward my friend to stab him with it. He screamed, "Ms Davis, what are you doing!" She stopped, and sort of crumpled up there, took her glasses off and began digging into the corner of her eye with the arm. Then she threw them into the hall, ran out, and raced around for about ten minutes, screaming.
We were terrified of her from then on. Given the circumstances, though, I think few of us could have handled it better. Lesson learned: never ever teach middle school.
I was paddled by a teacher in elementary school, for not doing well enough on my math homework. I wish I were joking. I'm can only assume it was legal at the time.
Given the circumstances, though, I think few of us could have handled it better.
I'd like to think I could refrain from trying to stab my students, but that does sound rather hellish.
One of my elementary school music teachers locked me in a closet to stop me from bonking kids on the head with a drumstick.
Yeah, I was caned a couple of times in primary school. And one of the teachers (who never taught me, but did teach my brother) at the same all-boys school was known to walk up behind students sitting in class, reach inside their shirts and put his hand on their chests. These would be nine and ten year olds.
8: If you start off with freshmen, it's pretty easy to create an aversion to 18-year-olds. They are dumb, and their attention-getting behavior is ridiculous. The problem comes when you teach the more full-grown ones. Rule of thumb: try to maintain an active sex life at home.
The problem is that undergrads are almost always attracted to their teachers. They will do silly stupid things to flirt with you. They do not actually mean it, though they think they do. If you were to ever return any of their affections, theirs would melt away instantly. After my crisis of last fall (documented somewhere here), I try to keep in mind the time that the prof I painfully lusted after as a sophomore became repulsive to me the moment he propositioned me. All undergraduate lust is symbolic anyway, and none so much as teacher-lust.
20: Can't you, er, practically kill someone by doing that? Like, for real? That's about the most horrible thing I've read of a student doing, since it's so casually cruel and foolish rather than something done in the heat of stress and rage.
It'd depend on how radioactive the sample was -- given that it was in a high school classroom, it probably wasn't anything terribly exciting.
28: There are many well-documented cases of people's coffee getting spiked with radioactive samples. It's not good for you, no, but I'd doubt that whatever amount of the sample they were using in a high school lab would be lethal.
Legend has it that two candidates for a Harvard postdoc position in biochem were asked to compete for the position by performing a certain experiment that used a Geiger counter. One candidate slipped some P32 into the other's coffee, which backfired, because the radioactivity his body released was enough to screw with both their counters. Neither got the job, as I recall, but no one died either.
29, my deepest fears in junior high and high school were about the stupidity of my classmates. I was always afraid that someone would, oh, push me down the steep cement stairs and cripple me for life or something, just for a laugh. (And that did, pretty much, happen to another bullied kid in my brother's class. Just cause hey, it's funny to see the nerd fall down. That the nerd can't get up again doesn't matter so much.)
That's it, you people have convinced me--I'm moving to the woods to live alone in a cave. Everyone else can just cruel and foolish themselves to death; I'll be eating fried locusts and I won't care. Or is that what you eat when living alone in the desert?
Legend has it that two candidates for a Harvard postdoc position in biochem were asked to compete for the position by performing a certain experiment
I find this highly unlikely.
Yeah, it wasn't terribly radioactive -- they let kids handle it with tongs. This particular teacher was known to be paranoid about it but other physics teachers handled the sample quite freely.
The sample was way too big to swallow. It was a pretty nasty thing to do in retrospect but I'm sure no health damage was done.
I'm not counting college and beyond, since college instructors seem to be among the sleaziest people on earth.
As a current TA who only rarely masturbates himself to sleep by thinking about his students, I resent that.
re: 27
Yeah, I've had a couple of students flirt with me pretty outrageously. It was fairly easy to ignore though.
32: It might have just been a story told to scare me by the postdocs in my lab, but it supposedly happened in the 70's. I'm sure they don't do it anymore, if they ever did.
"only rarely" because usually you're asleep amidst a bevy of undergrads, right, geez?
I can't imagine why someone would think 35 required anonymity. Seems pretty innocent.
38: Maybe one of us was one of the undergrads.
I never even heard any gossip about teacher/student affairs in highschool, let alone thought it was going on. The teachers and students who might have had affairs were sort of segregated, because the nubile young teachers taught the freshman classes, while the 17- and 18-year-olds who might have been serious candidates for teacher affairs were largely taught by old and/or boring people.
20: Scum? On tea? What are you people drinking over there?
re: 38
Me too, but last time I mentioned it, with marginally more information, under my 'real' name -- I had a few comments that it might not be wise to write that sort of thing non-anonymously.
Seems silly to me.
My first thought was that I had escaped both high school and university without having any sleazy experiences to retell, even though both were highly selective places full of eccentrics. But in fact my years at the university (and several years after) were completely dominated by a cruelly exploitative "friendship" with a professor. Not sexual, except in the sense that any intense personal relationship will be, but a grossly asymmetrical exercise of power. I learned a lot from him, but there came a time (about five years after I moved away) when I realized I never wanted to see him again. Would that it had been as innocent as a gorilla-style play-humping.
My best friend's favorite highschool teacher got kicked out of school for sleeping with another teacher's daughter.
I remember being marginally disappointed when, after four semesters of TA'ing as a grad student, none of my students had hit on me. I could have used the ego boost at the time.
Oo, oo, in my high school two single, adult teachers were fired for sleeping with each other, which was apparantly against some sort of school policy. (Wasn't on school property or anything like that.) Bizarre.
My high school American history teacher was murdered by his wife's 15-year-old lover, who was a student of hers at the juvenile correctional facility. She put the kid up to it, and had him tie her up in the house where the murder was committed, trying to make it look like it was a burglary.
He's doing 25 years. She's doing life.
One of the deans at the conservatory near my college disappeared one day after being discovered screwing a 16-year-old flautist in the library. He disappeared from the area within 12 hours. I don't know if charges were ever brought against him.
In seventh grade, I publicly insulted my teacher in a fashion that was pretty far over the top for the time and place (1973, at a very conservative Catholic elementary school).
My teacher responded by glaring at my for a moment, mastering his temper, emptying the plastic flowers out of a vase and leaving the room.
When he returned, the vase was full of water. He dumped the water over my head and went back to teaching.
The punch line is that when I told this story to my brother (five years older than me), he told me that he, too, had been drenched in this guy's class.
The Great White Father wished to address us via the god-box.
I want to have this teacher's babies. I had a friend in high school who was surreptitiously sleeping with the young hottie first-year teacher. Compounding the scandal (because this was NC in the mid-80s) that never went public, he was black and the teacher was white. We all thought he was godlike.
Well, in my school teachers kept records of which students they'd slept with, and used these records to maintain an elaborate point system which decided which teachers taught which grades and classes.
adult teachers were fired for sleeping with each other
After I attended, my junior-high school principal and one of the teachers there got fired for having an adulterous affair with each other.
I've got some juicy high school murder stories, but they would be off topic.
In my senior year, I blew up at the scariest teacher at my school, a gruff old polisci meanie. I got up in the middle of class, charged his desk, called him a ridiculous, power-mad old coot, grabbed all my stuff, and, on a perverse whim, went to his office, filled his cup with coffee, and sat at his desk with my feet on it, waiting to be suspended.
When he came in, he asked me if I was okay, and if there was trouble at home. I thought that was remarkably classy.
When he came in, he asked me if I was okay, and if there was trouble at home. I thought that was remarkably classy.
Wow, that really was very good of him.
56- but did you sleep with him?
I've got some juicy high school murder stories
Oooh! Oooh! The murdered was my biology partner the year before and the murderer was in marching band with me. My friends and I went to the trial all summer after we graduated.
http://localtechwire.com/news/local/story/122287/
That's one thing about being the scary guy -- you've got more emotional room to take things gracefully, because they aren't personally threatening.
re: 51
We had a young hottie first year R.E. teacher. She was really beautiful AND had dyed hair and wierd clothes.
Some of us went to gigs with her a few times as she liked some of the same bands we did. All above board though, she brought her husband (who was a nice bloke).
juicy high school murder stories
plural???
The closest thing I have is a kid getting kicked out for dripping mercury on the floor in certain areas in an effort to poison people. No harm was done, since mercury on the floor is not exactly hard to notice. I think he graduated from another school and then went to the Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology.
Well, we know how to make a good impression on AWB now.
Actually, the really strict macho engineering teacher we had at school -- a real stiff upper lip army type -- was the only teacher who made an effort with one of the troubled kids in our class.
He gave him extra tuition every lunchtime for weeks to help him pass his exam. He was a grumpy, bad tempered, overly strict bastard but there was absolutely no doubt he really cared about doing his job properly and helping his students.
After my #60, your stories would no longer be off-topic, Ogged. You're welcome.
Yeah, there's often a lot to be said for mean scary strict types; some of the people I've learned the most from were that type.
64: Act like you could murder me with your bare hands, but then say something nice instead? That about sums it up.
70: Oddly, that sums up most of my dating experiences, too.
One older married teacher at my high school was caught a few years after I graduated in closet screwing one of his students. I liked the guy, and he actually wasn't particularly skeevy in his manner in class, so it was a bit of a surprise. It turned out though that he'd been doing this kind of thing quite a lot over the years.
The most amazing thing I've ever seen though was in a Spanish course in college. It was taught by a visiting adjunct. She seemed basically ok, a bit nervous in mannerism, until the day we were reading a story in Spanish that was about an explorer in a jungle seeing lots of animals (which, it turned out, were all fleeing from army ants). So the first time one of the students reading says, "serpiente" in the parade of creatures, the teacher bolted upright from her desk and said, "Do not say that in my class". Kid reading was a bit slow on the uptake, and said, "What, serpiente?" She gasped and looked like she was going to faint. So then a bit later there was an anaconda in the story and the guy reading at that point didn't know that an anaconda was also a serpiente. So he says anaconda (keep in mind the snakes in this story are *totally* innocent--they're just running away from the army ants) and the teacher gets up, wretching, and runs out of the classroom. Comes back five minutes later, has obviously been sick to her stomach, says, "Yes, I know I have a problem. I'm working on it." End of class.
Found out later her husband was a psychologist at the nearby mental asylum...
In my Wobegon HS, around 1975 or so the football coach married a student within a year of HS graduation. They're still married -- he's a school principal and she's a lawyer. They bought the local weekly newspaper and stayed in town and ran it.
Around that time the HS principal was molesting his aides. During my time at least three faculty (2F 1 M) left town because of hanky-panky, one of them with a prominent local businessman.
The Justice of the Peace stealing the police car and hiding it for three weeks was the best story, though. He still lives here, too.
Ok ok.
1) One classmate came home one night to find his mother murdered. His father was eventually tried and convicted but during the trial, tried to shift suspicion to the son. It was horrible.
2) Another classmate, with whom I was friendly, but not friends, murdered two people in cold blood for no discernible motive. He had tried to poison some family members in the past, so we all knew he was psycho, but he was funny and smart, so I'd chat with him occasionally. Some time after the murder, but before he was apprehended, he was telling me about bad stuff he'd done and I asked him if there was anything else, and he said "If I told you, I'd have to kill you" and I was totally sure that he wasn't kidding. During that conversation he also asked me if I wanted a gun (which he didn't have on him at the time), which I later found out was the murder weapon. In retrospect, that wasn't very friendly of him.
My high school "Participation in Government" teacher had a bunch of medieval weaponry on the wall. Broadswords, axes, a mace. Also a bunch of patriotic paintings on black velvet, and, oddly, a dreamcatcher.
He also showed Silent Scream in class when we studied abortion, and when we did our dumb little reports on issues we had to balance liberal sources like Time Magazine and the New York Times with conservative ones like The American Rifleman and Rush Limbaugh.
Drove me crazy. By the standards of this thread it seems pretty mild though.
Here's the judgment in a post-conviction appeal of the kid who killed my history teacher. (I was mistaken, he was 16 at the time.)
True to stereotype, his middle name is "Wayne".
This is second hand, but apparently a theater teacher at my high school once walked into a room of absolutely quiet students and shrieked "Shut up!". He then looked around, blinked, and said "I'm sorry, the sunlight was bouncing off the blackboard and I thought it was noise."
Acid casualty, everyone assumed.
One of the teachers at my HS left under a cloud after it was discovered he'd been having an affair with two of the senior girls. He'd jilted one of them for the other, and the jiltee told. He was rumored to have gone on to an all girls' academy, which always struck me as being very unfortunate. I'm not sure why he wasn't prosecuted; maybe he hadn't had sex with them, or they were 18 already.
I'm not sure what the law was in your state, but the statutory rape age is younger than 18 in lots of places. He may have done nothing criminal even if he had sex with them.
I like 70. It makes me think that AWB's sex life is somehow Escherian.
I suddenly remembered the most inappropriate interaction I ever had with a student. She was a blisteringly gorgeous Scottish girl in an intimate class of eight students. She'd come up to me after class and stand what seemed like a few inches from me, asking me if she could write about the Barthesian erotics of reading and the novel we were discussing. She was obviously really excited by the material and talking about it. I would back up a little and try to play it cool, but when someone is stammering and blushing right in front of you, all kinds of alarms go off. So I looked down at her feet, and saw her nails were painted the same odd shade of bluish-red that I had just bought in a lipstick. Just as she was getting wrapped up in her description of the pleasures of the deferred orgasm (w/r/t reading, of course), I blurted out, "I love that color. I think it's going to be really big this season." We both laughed, sighed, and parted ways.
I never would have done anything, wasn't really even tempted, but the physical proximity of her own intellectual arousal was nearly overwhelming.
Oh, and her paper was really good.
79 -- I had a similar reaction. Then I looked a second time and realized, "Oh she just wants to avoid saying that 69 sums up most of her dating experiences."
Help! I'm trapped in 70 and I can't get out!
(Were I not trapped in 70, I'd know that I am pwned by 79 and 82.)
a few years after I graduated in closet screwing one of his students
Must've been some graduation ceremony.
Teaching at the sort of school where cheery female students often come to class -- or office hours -- wearing basically, e.g., just a bra or cami top + shorts, my anti-skeeze strategy is to allow whatever is-this-person-hitting-on-me radar systems I might once have had to rust beyond repair. My reasons are pretty much the same as AWB's: the options are basically (a) They are enamored with some image of The Perfesser And His Accent, (b) They are just behaving normally for them and it's a generational minefield, or (c) They are evil manipulative wretches. Mostly (b), I think. But cultivated ignorance and blithe cluelessness is an effective defence.
You went high school in New York?
She was a blisteringly gorgeous Scottish girl
That's my people ...
Teaching at the sort of school where cheery female students often come to class -- or office hours -- wearing basically, e.g., just a bra or cami top + shorts,
Sounds like this story needs to be prefaced with "I never thought it would happen to me, but..."
Rule of thumb: try to maintain an active sex life at home.
That doesn't involve the undergrads.
"That doesn't involve the undergrads"
Exactly. So stop playing "Please help me with my paper Professor!" sex games at home.
I want to have this teacher's babies.
He was pretty awesome. He was tall and lanky and seemed to sort of drift everywhere with all joints bent in all directions at all times. His mother lived there, too, and wrote a weekly column for the local paper. It was dressed and presented as "little old lady writes a column about the good old days" twee but as often as not its content would be at least subtly subversive. They were a pretty amazing team.
It's so odd to me that so many people have murder stories from high school. Mine wasn't a direct killing but it did involve a sweet kid (let's call him M) who was threatened with death by one of our various cabals of avowed Satanists to the point that M eventually killed himself. Of course, this being the bucolic but isolated and highly weird mountains of Western NC, the story does not end there; at least once, before the suicide, the leader of their little pack of self-styled devil worshipers bragged in my presence that he had overseen a ritual designed to cause M to do himself great harm.
OK, what's so dangerous about "that dangerous supplement"? It seems to be completely lacking in danger as long as you shave the palms of your hands, etc., and it keeps you away from a lot of much dangerous, such as illegitimate children (Rousseau: 5).
I'm at the middle of Pride and Prejudice. Darcy, an unfriendly sort who had originally felt nothing but contempt for Jane Austen Elizabeth, has just confessed his love for her. She still hates him, but she's starting to weaken.
So we're going to have a goddamned relationship, when things had been going so well. No good can come of this. Jane herself was very sensible about avoiding relatioships, but the constraints of fiction and the dominant paradigm forced her to deceive generations of impressionable young girls.
This is a Mary Sue novel in which millionaires seek out sarcastic, smart girls. Nice try, Jane.
In Wobegon there are few murders, just lots of fatal drunk driving and a few suicides. My guess is that one HS kid would die every 2-4 years from a HS graduating about 70.
Sarcastic, smart, poor girls with embarassing families, you mean.
Sounds like this story needs to be prefaced with "I never thought it would happen to me, but..."
Yeah, except you know it would end, "and after that happened she was disgusted and appalled, reported the incident to the Dean, and procedures to terminate employment were initiated."
I don't remember any sex scandals or murders during HS or since involving anybody I knew from HS. They were deadly in a different way.
"and after that happened she was disgusted and appalled, reported the incident to the Dean, and procedures to terminate employment were initiated."
That really is how the best ones always end.
Where the hell is SEK? This is his bread and butter.
I think on the first page of Rober Graves' Goodbye to All That, a master, in gown and mortarboard, stands before the class and without context or preface of any kind, throws his hand to his forehead and blurts out: "Would that I hadn't done it!" and three days later throws himself under a train.
93: This reminds me, actually, of one of the happier memories of my high school career.
There was this bully, see, and he was pretty much sociopathic and also really diligent, never letting a class go by without constant whispering of threats, never missing a chance to stop by one's locker and mix threats with sexual innuendo. I mean, many bullies get bored after a while, but not him. And I was scared of him. He was violent and had a little gang of followers.
They also used to pick on this sort of punk outcast kid who wasn't a cool arty middle class punk with a colorful mohawk but instead a lonely, awkward working class punk with Dead Kennedys logos on his denim jacket. (This was the eighties, so even the middle class punks were outcasts; they were just more together and had more options in life).
And one day I was in class and I heard this awful yell, and the punk kid was chasing the bully down the hall with a pocket knife. And stabbed him! Stabbety stab stab! Not fatally, though.
The bully was never the same after that--sort of shaky and sick-looking and even I was able to tell him off. Sadly, the punk kid went to juvie and was never heard of again. I told my class that it was just as well someone had stabbed the bully now, because it would have happened eventually and someone would probably have used a bigger knife--a comment that would have gotten me expelled, I'm sure, in these days of zero tolerance.
And, amusingly, the news crew decided to spin it as "The Dead Kennedys made him do it, and they're a satanic band!" They interviewed all the middle class punks, who told them--with straight faces--that of course there were lots of Satanists here at Award-Winning (Yet Surprisingly Crappy) Suburban High School, starting a little media frenzy about Satanism in our schools.
juicy high school murder stories
I don't have any of those, but Timothy McVeigh was in my brother's third grade class. And briefly--for a few days, while she was a substitute teacher--my Mom taught him.
("He was a quiet kid as near as I remember," she says.)
My own education was fairly skeeze-free. Once, in the 5th grade, the teacher next door to mine took her class outside, stripped nude, then ran around the playground until she was taken away. And once my 12th grade English teacher asked me to run out an buy a six-pack for him. He wasn't skeezy, though, just a hippie.
20: Scum? On tea? What are you people drinking over there?
The water's very hard over there. You should see the fur on their kettles!
You should see the fur on their kettles!
And that's not a euphemism.
Wiki nostalgia:
Longet has never performed again. After the criminal trial, the Sabich family initiated civil proceedings to sue Longet. The case was eventually settled out of court for a large monetary settlement, with the proviso that Longet never tell or write about her story. They also demanded that Claudine withdraw from public circulation her recording of "Bang Bang, My Baby Shot Me Down."
I distinctly remember wondering in high school why teachers, even the really good ones, were generally so moody and well, odd. Once I started teaching, I figured it out.
It feels surprisingly personal to be up in front of a class, and something as silly as a student yawning (not ostentatiously, and probably out of genuine tiredness, not boredom) can feel like a slap in the face. Mix that with the general cluelessness of adolescents as to how their actions affect others (in addition to the lust AWB mentioned, almost all of their actions are in many ways symbolic) and it's easy to see how teachers become neurotic, moody wierdos.
#106. Claudine, by the Rolling Stones.
107: It seems miraculous to me that there is anybody alive today who cannot accurately be described as a neurotic, moody weirdo.
Going back to ogged's original story, it's my sense that many of the really-popular-with-the-kids teachers are overly dependent on student approval and end up getting themselves into trouble of one kind or another because of that, often because they have to keep upping the ante to maintain their student-approved status. The best teachers I've encountered cared deeply about the kids, but not so much about the kids' approval.
re: 110
Yeah, the guy in 65 above, he couldn't have given a shit if we liked him or not.
general cluelessness of adolescents as to how their actions affect others
This deeply grates on me, still. Yesterday, one of my students got up ten minutes before the end of class, knocked past a bunch of people, accidentally turned half the lights off with her arm, and headed out the door. I made my appalled face and said, "Hi, [student]! What's going on? How are you? Do you mind turning all the lights back on for the rest of the class before disappearing for no apparent reason ten minutes before the end of class?" She looked blankly back at me and announced, "Well, I'm going to the BATHROOM."
I would despise her if I didn't wonder if there was something deeply wrong with her. She talks out loud during the daily quiet writing time, though I call her on it every time. She raises her hand to announce that the rest of the class may be enjoying the text at hand, but she's gonna be the first to admit, she had NO IDEA what was going on, guys. "I mean, I am so totally confused."
Even if the rest of the class is sometimes rude to me, they stop when I call them on it, and they at least care that their classmates don't think they're morons. I can't understand a 21-year-old woman wanting to announce her own complete cluelessness at every moment to her peers. It doesn't even seem to be a ploy for sexual attention.
110: Mmmm. It's by no means all teachers, but a surprising number of them forget that they aren't adolescents themselves, trying to get the approval of the high status kids in their classes. At which point they just get weird.
It doesn't even seem to be a ploy for sexual attention.
112: Does she try to pull that old "I'm soooooooo drunk" gambit in class?
general cluelessness of adolescents as to how their actions affect others
Of course, they can also be the most genuinely compassionate and caring little bastards on the planet, often in between bouts of being either clueless or genuinely vicious. I think the best policy would be to send all adolescents to workfarms (although calf-feeding would still be left to the adults) until they settle down a bit, hopefully by their mid-twenties or so.
114: Yes, but even their compassion and care exceeds appropriate school boundaries. It's sweet that they get so moved by things, but they are often incapable of letting go of them. I'm guessing this is all hormonal. A friend of mine told me recent neuroscience shows that neurons don't fully mylenize until one is 27 or 28, around the time that sound, rational thought and behavior usually kicks in. Before then, it's like emotions come in and grab their sweet little hearts and choke them to death every few days.
I am guessing the friend who told you this is 27 or 28?
The mother of my junior prom date was reported to have killed her husband and disappeared in her sailboat. It was a really nice sailboat, 40-feet, equipped for long, solo journeys. I helmed it once.
At the time she was turning 30 and realizing that the past three or so years of her life were a great deal better managed than the previous 27.
I am guessing the friend who told you this is 27 or 28?
And that he wants to run a dog rescue service?
115: So you're happy in your work, then?
OT, but can I just say that I can't read this thread title without thinking of the song Human by the Human League and it's bothering me.
118 -- Huh. the "better managed" thing still hasn't kicked in for me, so much.
121 -- What?!!1/? You mean The Human League released any songs other than "Don't You Want Me Baby"?
110 is equally true of good parenting.
I had nothing exciting to add to this thread until "physical assault by lower-class punks" became topical. Still not that exciting, but my lockermate, a nice but slightly off kid, once cold-cocked a kid in the hallway with a motorcycle wrench. He passed the wrench into the surrounding crowd, and so, even though the other kid's head was pretty well split open, my lockermate was punished as if he'd done no more than hit the guy with his hand. I have no recollection of motive, and I doubt there was a very good one.
114 -- There's merit in the workfarm suggestion.
Cn an unrelated note, I'd be interested in opinions on whether the coolness/non-coolness factor of my daughter's tattoo -- a line from Vonnegut across her chest -- has increased or decreased by the man's death. Or stayed the same.
Many of the really-popular-with-the-kids teachers are overly dependent on student approval....
You might be the studliest guy in the world, but one single time you're impotent, and then you start crying hysterically and chase the girl out of your house naked, and the whole goddamn rest of the year the little shits are smirking and playing practical jokes on you. You just can't trust students.
Your daughter is worth a lot of money now, Charley.
126: But at least they call you "sheepfucker" a little less frequently after that.
125: Now is the best time to sell your daughter. There's always a prize bubble after a death, but it doesn't last.
You know, I'm not sure why, but I was surprised to not see a post up at apostropher's lamenting Vonnegut's passing.
127 -- Then she owes it to me for all the grief I took over the thing. She got it while the wife was out of town. Over my objection (tattoo, not travel) I'll add, but there's not much you can do with an 18 year old. I told her to conceal it, which she successfully did for about 5 weeks until the wife took her up to Vermont for college, and the daughter slipped up while going to brush her teeth in the motel room.
Let's see. There was the religion teacher freshman year who said things like "god is like a woman's blouse--you can't quite see through it, but maybe a little bit, and you want to reach for the abundance within," and whose final exam had some weird reference to ozzy osbourne on it. My best friend and I got him fired at the end of the semester.
There was the wussy 8th grade english teacher who praised the "bravery" of the students (everyone, except for me and a quiet filipino boy) who "boycotted" his class when he assigned a novel at the same time as the social studies teacher, because it was too much reading. To this day I am pissed off about that.
There was the elementary school teacher who slapped a kid once just before an assembly.
Well at least the wife was far away from you when she found out.
Unless she's the deviant planner type. In that case it would probably be worse than finding out in your presence.
And um, I feel really skeevy asking, but where "across her chest" was this tattoo? And what line did she pick?
Tattoo parlor gift certificates are a great gift for teenagers. The age of consent is probably the same as for sex.
Charley:
It depends. Is it this:
"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind. "
Or this:
"Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are."
It's high enough that it shows when she's wearing a tank top.
I got an immediate phone call. The son, then 10, knew about it even before i did, and he got in trouble too. I'm not saying I didn't deserve what I got -- I certainly did.
138 -- Geez, will, we're talking an 18 year old girl.
Everything was beautiful . . . and nothing hurt
137: No, B. just has zero tolerance for spoiled brats--in an honors program, no less--who think that they shouldn't have to be reading something in two classes at the same time. Assholes.
Plus disdain for the teacher who didn't realize that the *brave* thing to do was to flout the other students, not his wussy ass.
140: Hmmm, I've heard that getting a tattoo can be sort of painful. Not to mention the damage to you and your son . . . .
My best friend and I got him fired at the end of the semester.
How'd you manage that?
a post up at apostropher's lamenting Vonnegut's passing
Everybody else already had one, and I didn't feel I had anything to add. I do have a picture of a crocodile with a human forearm in its mouth, though.
143: We went to the dean of girls (who was an awesome feminist nun) pretty much every day after class to tell him what kind of skeevy shit he'd said that day.
A transgendered feminist nun would be even more awesome.
145: Did you do any guilding of the lily? That could have been a lot of fun, and partial mitigation for the awfulness of his behavior.
112:
She looked blankly back at me and announced, "Well, I'm going to the BATHROOM."
This wasn't high school, but college? Wow.
I began to realize something had changed when, in my early 30s, I guess, I began to refer to my students as "kids": The kids in my such-and-such class. Though they were (only?) 10 years or so younger than me, at age 31, I was not exactly some big, mature grown-up myself.
Bizarre sort of distancing phenomenon: the kids, especially the girls, were, yes, flagrant and inappropriate in their sexuality and dress. Ever after becoming so acutely aware of that in a teaching environment, I can no longer do it myself.
Last thought: keeping students from behaving like disrespectful asses is obviously task number one in a class. Damn damn damn. I haven't thought about these sorts of authority issues in a while.
Lemme think. This would be an interesting story except that nothing happened. I was a high school senior, he was a first-year teacher, of the sort of personality that is now happy it's legal to perv on Hermione, and he had a crush on me that he confessed some time after I graduated. It's a boring story because nothing came of it, but the weird thing is we're still friends.
B. just has zero tolerance for spoiled brats
Yet you seem to disapprove of slapping kids before assemblies. Or was this kid one of the rare ones that wasn't asking for it?
Did you do any guilding of the lily?
I didn't realize flowers needed a professional organization.
148: No, absolutely not.
149: This from someone who posted about *two* different skeevy h.s. instructors who apparently hit on young women? Gimme a break, you fucking enabler.
147: Does it help that the ob/gyn who delivered PK was transgendered?
It might explain why you haven't cut that boy's hair.
The lilies had to form a guild, to compete with the Tulip Cartel.
Of course, they're going to end up getting crushed by Big Rose, but at least they're trying.
152: Good point, but this was in like kindergarten. Where even if they do deserve it, the theory is that the teachers are supposed to be a little more mature than the kids.
I had lewd thoughts about some of my students in Samoa, but given that I was 22 and they got up to 19/20, and that no such lewd thoughts were actually communicated, I think I'm in the clear. Peniamina was about the best looking human being I've ever seen, though, and was really really sweet and helpful. Not particularly successful calculus-wise, though; sadly, none of the three or four students who got anything out of my classes academically was all that attractive.
*two* different skeevy h.s. instructors who apparently hit on young women?
What? I posted no such thing.
156: PK proudly informs me that he is making much progress on pulling his foreskin back.
I think I'm in the clear.
Jimmy Carter begs to differ, adultress.
162: Does he report his progress in millimeters, or as a percentage of length?
161: 1. giving him shit about skeezing on the girls
2. One of my male high-school teachers was just so damn obviously smitten by one of the girls that it was uncomfortable to be in class with the two of them.
Here's where a slide rule comes in handy.
"In her heart, she knew your IndianSamoan manservant".
Shouldn't there be an 'e' in there? Otherwise, it looks like a hair product: Adultress -- shiny hair for those days when you want everyone to know that you're married, not dead.
We gave him shit, but it was entirely without evidence. And the other one was smitten, but never acted inappropriately. Snitch.
164: He holds up his fingers and says "about this much."
170: The fingers of one hand, or two?
154: In which direction? Either way, it seems odd for an OB/GYN. Probably odder M>F.
160: I'm not sure why it would be sad that the good calc students weren't hott, but it sure as hell isn't surprising.
168: Both are acceptable spellings.
none of the three or four students who got anything out of my classes academically was all that attractive.
So the smart/attractive disjunction holds across cultures!
169: Being so obvious that it's uncomfortable to be in the classroom isn't inappropriate? And "joking" about a male teacher hitting on the girls isn't either? Enabler.
170: Anyway, his results are meaningless unless he includes a time axis.
174 pwned by 172, and anyway "smart/attractive" s/b "smart/good-lookin'".
There was one teacher who got caught sleeping with students. He got fired. It was sad, because his wife was a really amazing teacher and my advisor. It was really rough on her. She wound up getting a job at a school that was probably a better fit, but still..
I had a Latin teacher who was really intense. I had him for an independent study my Freshman year. Everyone thought that the class I was in was going too slowly for me, and since he was retiring that year, they set it up. I was sort of scared of him. I think that I would have preferred a class, since I didn't have other kids to slow it down so that I could really learn the material.
The school had only gone co-ed 4 or 5 years before I got there, but the trustees had set the boy/girl ratio at something like 55 to 45%. On average the girls had higher test scores etc. This teacher would, therefor assume that all girls deserved a 95 until they proved otherwise. Boys had to prove that they deserved better than a 60. His exams were pretty hard, so it was not uncommon for people to get grades in the low 70's or high 60's.
172: M to F. One of my girlfriends said, "aww, he liked vaginas so much he decided he had to have one!" The funny thing is, she had pictures of her kids on the walls of her office, and they were both beautiful girls who looked exactly like her. Whoever did her surgery did a fabulous job. And the tech who told me about the surgery was being kind of unprofessional, to say the least.
M/tch, I think that between questions about Charlie's daughter's chest and my son's penis, you're definitely the perv of the day.
173: Still looks like a hair product.
Now I feel bad about badmouthing the charms of my few successfully attentive students, who I'm sure grew up into fine, stalwart men and women with a firm grasp of the power rule. It's just that none of them had the combination of superhero musculature and Bambi eyes that the most attractive boys had.
178: All my students are divided into three parts....
I forgot the important bit in 178. He used to rap students knuckles with a ruler.
I'd be okay with a M->F transsexual delivering a baby, but not performing a circumcision.
M/tch, I think that between questions about Charlie's daughter's chest and my son's penis, you're definitely the perv of the day.
But but, you guys brought it up! I was only, um, seeking clarity, that's all. Yeah.
Is there a prize associated with winning?
179: Well, obviously the surgeon was working to her models.
So you chose this OB/GYN thinking it was a woman, then learned she had been a man? Was this at all weird? Maybe it's a cliche, but women preferring female GYNs has always made sense to me.
183: So THAT'S why she chose the uncircumcised route for PK!
Is there a prize associated with winning?
Don't get excited, M/itch - it's not a framed picture.
185: It was fine. First, by the time I found out, I was already perfectly comfortable with her; second, when she was my OB/GYN, she was, in fact, a woman; and third, I'm actually pretty okay with male gynecologists. My current doc is a guy. All other things being equal, I'd rather have a woman, but if the guy is a good doc and has a good manner, then whatever--it's a medical procedure.
Charley:
Still, I would have thought she would have gone with one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.
If your son is looking for ideas, I vote for:
"You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns."
or
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.
maybe a little wordy for a tattoo, but guaranteed to get noticed
There was the infamous incident in my school where the kids who had done worst in a history test had to wriggle on their bellies across the floor to collect their results. Those who performed slightly better were allowed to crawl. The top perfomers got to walk. The story passed into legend and the teacher was forced to formally apologise, but for some reason I only found out yesterday that my little sister had actually been IN that class. She defended the teacher: "he didn't mean it in a bad way." I have my doubts. I always suspected that particular teacher of having sadistic pervy inclinations, based on
a) he blushed and stammered when a hot girl used the word "masochist" in front of him
b) he also taught PE.
I once heard about this blogger who got brought up before the ethics commission for "dating"(screwing) several of his commenters. Yeah, he was the one that would fly off the handle and then apologize adorably.
Was he the one who was impotent and started crying, and then chased the naked commentress out of his house?
We had a crazy government teacher who used to keep a hand grenade on his desk. I assumed that it was a fake but he would have been the sort to get a kick out of it being real.
He was one of the two notable Vietnam vets in the school that really captured the whole essence of our present military adventures. The psycho-gun-nut-kill-em-all sort of guy with the grenade had been a cook in the Navy and seen zero real action. The other was the quiet respectful decent guy who had been a platoon leader out in the jungle -- he did not say much about it -- except one story about a 10-11 year old girl who had been a sniper and killed 3 of his men. I do not remember how that topic came up but he was reluctant to say anything and I am 80% sure he was the one who got her. You can guess their what their opinions on the current mess would be.
Back to the funny crazy government teacher thing, after I went off to college he took a leave of absence and then did a murder-suicide with his wife. A couple of his daughters were in the house at the time, man, that also must fuck with the mind.
We also had a gym teacher and the principle who both were sleeping with some of the students, sounds par for the course. The super skeezy thing was the principle had a foreign exchange student staying with him. She had already been moved out of her previous host family because the son was a total perv and was harassing her (imagine a hick version of Ricky "I'm sorry your mom blew up" Smith). The nice principle took her in and... well out of the frying pan and into the fire. She left the country abruptly later in the next semester.
Oh yeah, one final one was our typing instructor (who was/is quite attractive) making porno movies in the school and had her own website on the internets. Surprisingly, the locals did not take kindly to that and she lost her job for improperly using school property. I ran into her in the grocery store a couple of years ago when I was visiting and so wanted to ask her WTF she was thinking. Alas, my good manners prevented me from bringing it up.
Writing this all down makes me kind of think that my sleepy home town in Reddest Bush Country might not have been as boring as I remember. Still I can only dream of being associated with the levels of debauchery the headless one grew up around.
Mayberry High had two pervy teachers that I knew about. The first was my math teacher, who, when a guy in the class and I had a question at the same time, announced he would help me first because I had better legs. He harrassed one girl in another class to the point where she ran out of the class in tears. Why he didn't get canned I'll never know.
The other perv did get canned -- he was a young, charismatic guy whose only crime seemed to be being entirely too aware of how hot some women found him, until he was fired for sleeping with a student.
The typing teacher kept a hockey stick in his classroom, which he used once to whack the top of my typewriter when I was paying no attention at all and yammering with one of my friends. Not a light tap, either -- a full-on WHAM. I just about hit the ceiling.
One of the history teachers was good for at least one story a month. The only one I remember is the day when a student was twirling a piece of paper on the tip of his pencil eraser. This went on for a while, until the teacher grabbed a pencil, balanced an entire ream of paper on the eraser and started madly cranking his arm until the paper had flown all over the classroom. He quit teaching a couple of years after that.
Oh, and there was the girls' gym teacher who wore inappropriately short shorts from time to time. The flash of gym teacher vag we got still makes me want to claw my eyes out.
Around 1980 my brother had a college sex-ed teacher who met students in a singles bar for extra credit work.
Why college sex ed? It was a state school, and I think it was part of health and PE. But yeah, stupid, stupid, stupid!
The other perv did get canned -- he was a young, charismatic guy whose only crime seemed to be being entirely too aware of how hot some women found him, until he was fired for sleeping with a student.
Why would you use the word "perv" here?
Screwing high school girls doesn't qualify an adult man as a perv these days?
Depends on how "young" he is. WANTING to screw high school girls, and having them want to screw him, doesn't make him a perv.
"doesn't make him a perv" s/b "is completely normal".
Yes, but only affectionately. "Oh, you perv!....*giggle*".
But he wasn't just wanting to, he was actually doing it. (Heck, I fessed up about having evil thoughts about high school boys.) I think that qualifies for 'perv' in the pejorative sense, whether or not there was anything objectively unusual about the man's sexual appetites.
I knew juniors and seniors at my high school who dated Marines as old as 23 or 24. Gotta love being close to Camp Pendleton, and car dealers who'd sell a Mustang to anybody with a crewcut a Mustang.
Yeah, I called him a perv because he did actually sleep with a high school student. I don't know for sure that she was underage at the time, but that's the way to bet.
ukko, you're one of our younger commenters, right? Because that's quite a density of pervertry in this day and age.
203: This is where we need someone with military experience to come in and say something comically disparaging about the morals or sexual practices of Marines generally, isn't it? Leech, Idealist, anyone?
In 6th grade my teacher, who was my favorite teacher up to that point, got canned for verbally abusing and eventually physically abusing a student.
4 years later he took a shotgun to the town library, where his wife worked, and shot her point blank in the face in front of a crowd of people. Then he went home and did the old tailpipe/monoxide trick.
In lighter news, we had a high school teacher who was pretty crazy in a very pathetic and easily exploitable sort of way. People would purposefully try to aggravate him, because he'd get comically angry but not actually do anything about it.
This included people farting loudly in class. This actually occurred often enough that the teacher began keeping a Lysol can on hand, which he would pull out and use when necessary while muttering under his breath about the barbarity of it all. Once, after a particularly rough barrage, he was heard to mutter: "Flatuating Bastards!!"
He left for never-explained reasons about 6 months after that episode.
he went home and did the old tailpipe/monoxide trick
He had time to do this?! Where were the cops??
203: A good friend and long-time colleague of my dad's married a soldier in his late 20s when she was 14. They're coming up on 50 years together and still going strong. Not the usual outcome, but it happens.
75: zadfrack - my first thought on reading your initial description was "Pamela Smart," although some of the details didn't quite match. So there was another such case just a few months earlier? Wow. I wonder if Ms. Smart got the idea from the earlier case, or if this sort of thing goes on all the time but just rarely makes the national news.
209: I don't actually know the details of the timeline, but I think he shot her, everyone scattered, he walked outside, got in his car, drove home and did the deed in the garage shortly before the cops arrived.
Now that you're quizzing me on it, I feel like I'm not fully sure of the carbon monoxide angle. But he definately made it home and killed himself there.
211: Pamela Smart! The description was reminding me of that case but I couldn't place the name.
Jackmormon - I am in my mid 30's, so I think that makes me a bit older than most but younger than Emerson. This little idyllic paradise is within shouting distance of the Utah border. I do not know if that contributes to the relative depravity or not.
If you're in your mid thirties, how did you have a high school teacher with a website?
Sounds like she didn't necessarily have a website when he was there: "who was/is quite attractive."
Or we could have him brought up on perjury charges. Your call.
Oh, true fact. I just saw the initial post with the website, and mentally marked Ukko down as very young, which left me boggling at his stated age.
"Smart met Flynn [the teenage triggerman] at "Project Self-Esteem" at Winnacunnet High School in Hampton, New Hampshire, where Smart and Flynn were both volunteers."
Self-esteem is bad.
On the internet nobody knows if you are a dog, Woof! The typing teacher was was fresh out of school my junior year and this little scandal was after I graduated. I really wish that it was reported in the media so I could google for specific dates but rough. It was about 5 years ago and she was in her early thirties at the height of her, ahem, modeling career.
The forensic database guy will have a report on Ukko sometime tomorrow. Don't anyone jump to any conclusions.
Ahead of the online porn curve, was she?
It's paint the lily -- the line is something like "to gild pure gold, to paint the lily ..." No lily-gilding.
John Emerson - I always wondered why they didn't just get the email from Echelon, I am sure that all of Rove's stuff is in there.
Jackmormon - Actually I think she was riding out the dot com bubble, ATM. I also guess the fact that I cut my teeth on usenet has me a bit confused on this whole porn curve, I mean we had grainy old gifs back in the day with 2800 baud connections. And we liked it! Hell we even had smut on the Apple II+. What is this porn curve you speak of?
224: I call shenanigans. Ain't no such thing as a 2800 baud modem. You're actually nineteen, admit it!
This guy teaches at my old high school, where my mom still teaches. His wife, also a teacher there, was a year older than me and was someone I knew from friends in common and marching band. Good times.
I probably shouldn't comment on porn.
What kind of porn do you like, Jackmormon?
228: The curvy kind, apparently.
Pretty much all visual porn makes me feel like an anthropologist, and not the sexy kind of anthropologist.
There's a sexy kind of anthropologist?
Only 13 hits for sexy anthropologist.
I get 114 for "sexy * anthropologist"
I was sure google would provide me with a good response to 232, but it turns out that actually no, there's not.
Apparently, the "sexy forensic anthropologist" captures a certain ... cultural zeitgeist.
225: Oops, you are right it was 2400 we then moved up to 4800 after that. I remember it well since it was '91 and I had to spend my own starving student money on the thing.
Back at that time a modem like that made you ultra cool on campus, well maybe not. One thing that did help among the studious geek crowd was that a man with is own modem could register for classes half a day before others on campus. It was kind of funny but we had to sign up for classes on the computers in the labs, which did not open until 8:00 am or thereabout. However, the computer would let you sign up for classes at 12:01 if you could just get in. If you had a modem you could dial in and beat the rush, we always got into the sections we needed and avoided the dreaded 7:00 am lectures and 4:30 pm Friday lab sections.
This entirely too geeky moment has been brought to you by Hayes Modem Inc., it may not help you score but it might just give someone a reason to stop by your dorm room after midnight once a semester.
"What kind of porn do you like, JM?" S/B "What kind of porn do you like, JM, and what are you wearing?"
Didn't free trade annul the "penetration by a foreign object" offense?
Oddly, the National Geographic never showed sexy anthropologists wearing the native costume (except maybe the unsexy Inuit costume).
236-
I get no videos and only this picture. What's this "cultural zeitgeist" to which you refer?
I may have mixed up stereotypes here. It's the sexy archaeologist, isn't it?
Inuit could be very sexy to a certain kind of tundra furry. I'm guessing, anyway.
Guys are never sexy, JM. Indiana Jones leaves normal people cold.
But Lara Croft was supposedly an archeologist, right? And then there's that wierd movie with Tara Reid in glasses where she's an archeologist. I think. And then she takes off her glasses and most of her clothes and puts on lip gloss.
And then she takes off her glasses and most of her clothes and puts on lip gloss
In the discipline this is known as "going on a dig."
"Lip gloss," and that's not a euphemism.
Why has there never been a movie about sexy female archaeologists called "Gold Diggers," one wonders.
Only a seven-movie genre, but all seven look like pure brilliance.
That is, all five movies, plus "Relic Hunter" and "The Gene Autry Show".
Everything was beautiful . . . and nothing hurt
CharleyCarp's daughter's mother was just upset because she had to find out from a tattoo not only that her daughter wasn't a virgin anymore, but that her first time was better than her own.
I thought Indiana Jones was the only movie archaeologist.
Scarlett Johansson going native in Polynesia, that would be non-gratuitous semi-nudity.
Blue Car was a pretty depressing movie, but on topic.
253: I think ben has just stolen my crown . . .
I heard some rumors about sleazy teachers long after I graduated. The only questionable teacher behavior I ever saw firsthand was a teacher who through erasers. His aim wasn't so good; I felt sorry for the people who sat near me.
Okay, so I've been fleshing this out a little bit:
SCENE: external, pyramids at Giza. Dusts drifts lazily across the frame. As Kanye West's "Gold Digger" plays, a secret door in the front of the Sphinx slides open and the PUSSYCAT DOLLS stride towards the camera in slow motion, bedecked Mr. T-style in shiny, solid gold necklaces and baubles.
VOICEOVER (Donald Sutherland): "They are the best of the best. They won't settle for anything short than the finest treasures of antiquity, and they won't take no for an answer. Archaeologists, scholars, lovers: they are THE GOLD DIGGERS!"
I also said "anything short than", but let's just gloss over that.
Hah, I said "gloss!"
257: I once threw a piece of chalk at someone to wake him up.
Sifu, Sifu, Sifu. They have to start out wearing glasses and tweed and severe buns. That helps to establish them as Serious Archaeologists, providing a narrative arc via costume changes.
What are you talking about, JM? You can't have them start out dressed all hot.
w-lfs-n my dear, you might require a sub-category of Sexy Archaeologist Pr0n.
I regret to inform you that all of Traci the Amateur Archaeologist's videos have been removed from YouTube.
263: we can cover that in the prologue. I maintain the importance of the slo-mo. Also Donald Sutherland.
261: I had a French teacher who was a dead shot with a piece of chalk. If he saw you yawning he could lob it straight into your mouth from the front of the room. Never missed.
re: 269
That must be a common thing. We had two teachers at school who could do that (the irradiated physics guy mentioned above) and a history teacher. The history teacher did it with his back turned about half the time.
He'd just shout:
'be quiet, Smith'
and then ping the chalk backwards over his shoulder.
He was also prone to chucking blackboard dusters. I'd imagine it hurt if one of them hit you.
The history teacher was quite a character, actually. I'm pretty sure he was a communist, for example. He also lived miles and miles away and used to run to/from the train-station (about 3 miles from the school) every day.
Same teacher I mentioned in 49 was a chalk-thrower, too. One time he did a no-look throw that beaned the intended target - a girl talking in class. He was pleased with himself. "Nice shot, eh?" he said. I responded to the teacher, who wore glasses, "Well, it helps to have four eyes."
Hey, it was the seventh grade. I was a wit! This got a big laugh.
Without speaking another word, the teacher started scribbling on the chalk board. Then he took an eraser and erased his scribbling. He may have done this another time or two, until the eraser was encrusted with chalk dust. Then he asked to borrow a comb from someone, and my friend Jim offered his. This all took several minutes.
He told me to come to the front of the room.
He took the eraser and started beating it against my head to work in the chalk dust. Then he took the comb and ratted my hair up. When he was done, he told me to take a seat, and returned the comb, covered with chalk dust, to Jim - who then took the comb between thumb and forefinger and threw it in the trash.
Apparently I looked quite the clown. I used my own comb to start working out the tangles, and eventually was permitted to go to the restroom to finish the job.
The weird thing about this guy - the only teacher who ever physically struck me, by the way - was that despite our repeated attempts to publicly humiliate each other, we really got along. The key was an unspoken agreement between him and his students that no matter what happened, no principals or parents would be brought into the picture. Absolutely anything could happen in that class, and many things did.
Frank Borman says in his autobiography Countdown that he was an eraser-thrower, and that it was much more congenial to him to get somebody's attention that way than have to make it an authority/rank issue.
