I like the people who ask Google questions, as if it were the Oracle at Delphi.
1: I love that. Because of the title of my blog, I get lots of people asking "Is it a sin to make out?" and "Is it a sin to jerkoff?" and "Where can I find picture of Jesus to forgive my sexual sin?" That's my favorite one.
2: You should have a FAQ responding to the top ten such. In a kind, if corrective, way.
I'm googling "Will A White Bear have hot Monkey Sex this weekend."
4: Let's not taunt AWB about sex right now.
Ingredients of A White Bear include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
I hate to think that we led that sixth searcher there to Ann Althouse.
Sifu, I could've commented over there, but what the hell: this killed me the other day.
Resume Google-speak.
zombie joseph beuys
My work here is done.
A White Bear is coming down to Austin this weekend! She just hasn't realized it yet.
Will we have HMS, Heebie? I'm very vulnerable.
Will we have HMS, Heebie? I'm very vulnerable.
Somebody's gonna have High School Musical all night!
I'm told Herricks Middle School is very well reputed.
yes we ARE having heavy melting scrap! Oh yes we are! And lots of it!
I'm gonna get get get you drunk, get you... uh... nevermind.
So, I have a question. Is there a better way to say "I'd like to hook up with someone at upcoming event X, preferably you, but if you're not interested maybe your friend who seems to be into me"?
23 -- That's actually quite well-worded -- I would use that verbatim.
23: I think your approach should involve this Will Smith song.
You're arranging the hookup in advance? I'd say just play it by ear at the actual event.
Suppers on, AWB, suppers on. Come and get it!
The juxtaposition of 24 and 25 is delightful. Doesn't help much, unfortunately.
28: What did I say about taunting? I've seen your ass, remember.
27: That technique has proved to be markedly unsuccessful in the past.
Suppers on, AWB, suppers on. Come and get it!
Hot monkey stroganoff!
So, I have a question. Is there a better way to say "I'd like to hook up with someone at upcoming event X, preferably you, but if you're not interested maybe your friend who seems to be into me"?
I know it seems a little early in your sexual career for complex maneuvers, Teo, but this does seem like a potentially workable way to get a group thing happening. You act so innocent, but we know you're not.
Dear so-and-so,
I plan to bang, and will most assuredly be taking out that thang.
Smokey Bear says not to taunt the bears, because they'll attack. But he's not here, now is he.
23.---I'm so very sorry, but you already know what the answer is.
You're basically talking about a variation of the notorious "roommate swap"--in which you go from hooking up with a particular girl to hooking up with her roommate. This is an advanced technique, one not to be attempted by the faint of heart. I urge caution.
I could actually use a serious answer to this question.
39: You might want to actually ask those two questions seperately. Maybe give the first turn down a little while so you can pretend it's sinking in?
There's no way to say anything that you don't want Girl 2 to hear eventually.
38: Yeah, pretty much, which is why I'm concerned about not making any huge mistakes at the asking stage.
Teo, seriously, not only is it best to try to get together with one woman at a time (very liberally defined here as "a single evening"), but you might also reconsider macking on two friends. My advice is: carefully, carefully.
41: That's what I've been thinking, but the problem is that Girl 2 is kind of the subject of the conversation so far.
39: You could try asking each girl for advice, because there's this girl you like, and it's someone she knows really well, so if she doesn't seem too interested personally, you can tell her it's the roommate. But I think I saw that in a movie once and it didn't work out too well.
More seriously, you have to figure out which is the girl path more likely to put pan out. You're likely not going to end up with a person if they feel like they're your second choice.
38 -- 5-yard penalty for "Seinfeld" reference.
Are these two girls close friends?
Why is the site so creaky tonight? It's taking forever to post, and I keep getting pwned.
Make the explicit overture to the one you like best, and if she's game, great, if not, see what happens with the other, but don't make any explicit overture to woman 2 before the fact, because she'll hear about the first one and feel played (she might feel played anyway, but it's safer if things just develop in the event).
47: See, the problem is that I think Girl 2 is the path more likely to pan out, but I would really much prefer to go with Girl 1 if at all possible. Girl 1 is also the one I'm currently communicating with.
45: Whose stearing the conversation towards thefriend, you or teocrush? If the former then I'd take that as a signal that teocrush knows better than you which young woman is into you.
50 - It's been like this for a couple of days. We couldn't even break 400 comments the other night without it slowing to crawl. I blame teo, if only to pile it on.
That's a Seinfeld reference? I was talking about my old friend from college, Nick.
49: Yes.
53: In the immediate conversation, me.
If you don't hustle it up, Ogged, Teo's going to get laid before you do.
The site creakiness may have something to do with the fact that we've had a serious traffic spike this week. We've gone from our usual ~23,000 hits per day to ~30,000. So it's all your fault.
Why should the aged eagle spread its wings, young Becks?
Ogged, your only hope is to seduce Teo now. At least that way you'll tie.
Girl 2 is the path more likely to pan out, but I would really much prefer to go with Girl 1 if at all possible.
Then you have to make a strategic choice. Whichever you pick, though, you won't be able to switch--you're pretty much locked in (at least for that one night) once you move beyond a certain point.
you guys have been hiding all the advice in this thread! no fair.
If they're close friends, then you might want to back away from macking on friend #2. It sounds as though you've been pursuing friend #1; friend #2 might have warm feelings toward you because she's happy to see you pursue her friend, or maybe she's in secret competition with her friend. Either way, you want to be careful jumping ship, as you could get crushed between them.
I am in favor of macking and making mistakes, though. You're graduating soon. Carpe diem.
For some reason memory use is maxed out at the moment; I'm going to try restarting the web server. Things might blink out for a few seconds.
Here's what you've got to do, Teo:
(1) Purchase large aviator sunglasses at a drugstore.
(2) Score with chikz and their friends.
Okay, to give some context, here's a rough outline of the conversation thus far:
Me: So, um, is Girl 2 only coming to Event X in order to hook up with me?
Girl 1: Well, I'd like to think she wants to spend time with me before I leave for the summer, but you never know...
Me (verbatim): I can see that; it's largely why I'm coming, too. But seriously, do you think this is something she has in mind?
Girl 1 (also verbatim except for my name): well teo, i think the question is what do you have in mind?....
23: There is no way to say that without coming across as a cad. There's a very scant possibility that the woman in question will be understanding about it on account of your acute inexperience, but it's a caddish question.
If Teo gets them drunk and has his first time be a threesome, he's the king.
go for the one you like, teo. and don't tell either of them ahead of schedule. first, buy the sunglasses.
it's so easy! I wish I had me back in the day.
You don't have to go all the way to Event X to hook up with yourself, teo.
70 gets it exactly right.
This lab closes at midnight, so if anyone has any other advice go for it.
50 - It's been like this for a couple of days. We couldn't even break 400 comments the other night without it slowing to crawl. I blame teo, if only to pile it on.
You only worry about probabilities when you aren't really interested in anyone. If you are interested in Girl1, what's the point in hooking up with her friend, except for making everyone miserable? To tell us about it on unfogged?
On second thought, try to hook up with both of them in the same night, just to see if you can.
72: Dude, my first time was this close to being a threesome. That missed opportunity still haunts me.
Why not just go for broke and lay a price on that precious V of yours? There could be bidding and everything!
Rebuild failed: Renaming tempfile '/var/www/unfogged/html/archives/week_2007_04_15.html.new' failed: Renaming '/var/www/unfogged/html/archives/week_2007_04_15.html.new' to '/var/www/unfogged/html/archives/week_2007_04_15.html' failed: No such file or directory
Not it!
I have gerbil, do I hear monkey? Monkey. Monkey, going once...
Obviously, I'm having trouble commenting. Ignore me...at your peril.
Wait, so do you have any actual evidence that thefriend is into you? Teocrush's comments certainly don't imply that she does. If thefriend were known to be into you then Teocrush would probably have answered your question differently.
If you are interested in Girl1, what's the point in hooking up with her friend, except for making everyone miserable?
That the friend seems to be very interested in me.
The friend's interest is not very apparent from the summary of the conversation I gave, but it's pretty clear from my previous interactions with her.
54/77/81 are cool.
79 -- I had a similar near-miss except it did not result in a "first time" or any sort of sexual gratification for me. But it was a close thing, I'm tellin ya.
Any way you cut it = learning experience. Impossible to predict the best way to handle it. Take chances, and enjoy yourself.
At this point, the obvious thing is to go to the event, wear something really cute, and go home with the one who's talking to you the most.
I can pretty much guarantee that if you say anything to either woman that's at all like the question you're asking here? Neither of them will have anything to do with you.
go home with the one who's talking to you the most
For reasons I'm not going to go into, this is not really a practical option.
At least you haven't reached this point, teo.
That's a weird conversation. What's with Teocrush? Personally, if I was interested in someone, no fucking way would I be taking her places where I knew there'd be a dude who was also into her.
What's with Teocrush?
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
For reasons I'm not going to go into, this is not really a practical option.
I am baffled. Is it a Quiet Party?
91: They share one set of vocal chords and pass them back and forth?
Oh, man, Teo. It sounds like Girl #1 is enjoying (perhaps in a masochistic way) the idea of your being excited by Girl #2. It does sound as though Girl #1 might be much more interested in you than she's been able to let on.
If Girl #2 is more conventionally attractive, and you two hook up, neither of the women will ever be able to forgive you.
Clearly I need to explain this more. I'll try to find another lab, since this one's about to close.
Dude, my first time was this close to being a threesome. That missed opportunity still haunts me.
Holy shit. I've never been within a country mile of one, but I think it's safe to say that regret will stay with you until death.
I'm thinking they're sharing a room.
They're roommates?
They're mother-daughter?
72 -- a better alternative to "getting them drunk and having his first time be a threesome" might be, for young Teo himself to get roaring, falling-down drunk while the girlz remain pretty sober, and then weeping lay all his worries and troubles on their compassionate ears. And at the end of all this make a very sloppy pass at one or both of them. That would rule. But I'm trying to figure out how live-blogging could enter into the picture and I'm not seeing it.
It's actually one girl with multiple personalities?
85 is nonresponsive.
Put it another way. Let's say you DO THE DEED with Girl2. Are you still interested in Girl1? I mean, we here at unfogged want to hear juicy tales. But for you, Teo, DOING THE DEED at all costs is not in your best interest, not if it means putting you farther from someone you actually dig.
By all means DO THE DEED, just not with your crush's friend, in a venue such that she will know about it immediately. And don't ask her advice about it.
Teo, here's your response:
Girl 2 is great, and in other circumstances I could see us really hitting it off, but what do *I* want? Honestly, like I said, to hang out with you--I think you're great.
Then if she disses you, mack on Girl 2, and then look at her and say "Circumstances changed, bitch."
P.S. neither of the women will ever be able to forgive you.
And that might be okay, since you all are graduating soon, and despite what everyone says, you probably will never see these people again.
91 needs to be read with the knowledge that Teo is in linguistics.
I was thinking the answer was that Teo's deaf, and then I felt all bad because I was mocking his disability, and then I was thinking well, but that's kind of neat that he might hook up a threesome, being deaf and all, and then I was thinking why should that be neat, especially?
You have to choose one to pursue, which it seems like you already did. You hold limited power in this situation, as they outnumber you and can plot against you. They are most likely now going to talk together about what to do re you. This could benefit or frustrate you, but either way, now that you got the thing started by talking to Girl A about Girl B, it will get shaken out somehow, and with little influence from you.
Perhaps Girl A is at this very moment IMing Girl B to say "Hey, I thought teo liked me, but now he's asking me if you're available. Do you think he likes me?" There's any number of things they can decide to do.
108 is great, and handily explains the Girl 2-related feelers you've been putting out as an excuse to chat with Girl-1
108 is very deft. I second that strategy.
108 is very deft. I second that strategy.
I think, at this point in your college career, Girl1 in the hand is simply better than Girl2 in the bush. Or vice-versa. The important thing is that you emerge from college fully prepared for the challenges you will face out in the world. And while being a virgin in college is within the bounds of totally adorable, once you get out of college, it gets 20 times harder to lose it. Take it from my old roommate, who, though a totally adorable gymnastics instructor, couldn't pay to have that damn V excised for a long time after graduation. She was just busy as an undergrad! Then suddenly it became this huge deal!
I'm glad to say, that sad time has passed.
108 is very deft. I second that strategy.
Teo, get together with both of them, make sure that Brahms' Horn Trio is playing in the background, and let the magic happen. At least I think that's how it happened in this movie.
I think, at this point in your college career, Girl1 in the hand is simply better than Girl2 in the bush. Or vice-versa. The important thing is that you emerge from college fully prepared for the challenges you will face out in the world. And while being a virgin in college is within the bounds of totally adorable, once you get out of college, it gets 20 times harder to lose it. Take it from my old roommate, who, though a totally adorable gymnastics instructor, couldn't pay to have that damn V excised for a long time after graduation. She was just busy as an undergrad! Then suddenly it became this huge deal!
I'm glad to say, that sad time has passed.
Deafness is not a disability, Sifu. You bigot.
101: Dude. The experience is not to be missed. It really is as good as it seems like it should be. And the bragging rights have been a real bonus--I've been rubbing it in to my buddies for a decade.
I'm such a gentleman.
DAMNIT! Look at all those repititions. Stupid, stupid Heebie.
I am getting rebuild errors all over the place. So now I sound insane.
Ok, who let in the evil-alien-mecha-sheep?
I'm back. Some of the recent comments have come close to getting the situation. They go to a different school than I do and this event will be held at yet another school, so whatever ends up happening this is basically a one-shot deal. So yes, they will most likely be sharing a room (although the arrangements are not yet quite final).
I just thought you really liked my comment, heebie.
122 would have had a link if ogged hadn't banned them. And if I weren't so lazy. And if the blog weren't broken.
123: Agreed. I stared down subway trains for like a month afterward, thinking, "But now the best days of my life are behind me. What purpose can there be, now?"
I'm a student from the school of hard knocks, B.
So yes, they will most likely be sharing a room (although the arrangements are not yet quite final).
Well, now you've settled on Thefriend as the one you're pursuing, in the eyes of both of them, am I right? So the only way you can end up with Teocrush is if you have failed to detect that she actually likes you more than Thefriend does, and Teocrush (or both of them together) decide to steer you toward her instead. Or I think that's the case anyway.
122: Hey, I'm half deaf, hearie.
they outnumber you and can plot against you
Hmmmmmmm. Maybe this attitude, and not shyness, was your problem with women in the past, Mr. Ned.
You can always tell who's really turned a triple play from who hasn't by whether or not they acknowledge the awkwardness. I mean, really, keeping everyone happy requires choreography ... and who choreographs drunk and horny? No one, that's who. (Also, having unhappy people in the room while doing the nasty, it ain't all it's cracked up to be.) That said, teo seems to be in the ideal situation, since they both seem sort of interested. Go for it, teo!
I agree that 108 is very good, and I will most likely say something like that. Thanks, Chopper.
Dude, unless you think Girl #1 is someone you would actually pursue a long-distance thing with, I'm totally dropping my advice in 108. Go for girl #2--at this point in your career, go for the easy layup.
131 - think how haunted you'll be if you don't act on this weekend!
once you get out of college, it gets 20 times harder to lose it.
This I don't get. Why would you mention this in advance?This is something that has come up with a friend of mine--she's had several opportunities fizzle out because she let slip before things got too far along that she was a virgin. I keep telling her to stay mum about that particular aspect of her life, but she doesn't listen.
136: It's not awkward if you explain ahead of time to everyone what their job is, early in the evening, while you're still getting that stubborn last party on-board.
122 - Tell that to the deaf guy. I miss half of what people mumble under their breath. I'm disabled!
Fuck, as soon as I accept Chopper's advice he withdraws it. Now what?
141 - That's a great conversation to have in a pre-drunk hypothetical, but let me tell you, when it comes down to the niceties of blocking, people want to know how best to get off.
142: Yup. On the other hand I'm very good at extracting meaning from fragmentary context.
136: Drunk? Awkward. High? Man, everyone's got the time to just chill, take a toke, watch, join in when joining in seems like a good idea, chill out when that seems right...
Yeah.
whatever deaf SEK can't even hear mumble mumble sheesh
139: Honestly, this is terribly tempting, but I do have friends coming into town this weekend. Because I must entertain, I cannot be entertained!
when it comes down to the niceties of blocking, people want to know how best to get off.
Not if we're talking cockblocking.
It really is as good as it seems like it should be.
As a married man, this is exactly what I don't want to hear. Shit.
Man, could me and SEK be any cooler? We both have crappy hearing and threesome experience. We're like a couple of Camaros from being the half-deaf Riptide.
Instead of giving Teo advice, which we've been doing for at least a year, shouldn't we tell him that we won't accept failure and that how it gets done is up to him?
Teo--go with your gut. My 108 gives you a good line to play if you reall want to pursue Girl #1 to the exclusion of a surer thing.
148 - Actually, Jammies has friends coming in too, and I should really be around for that. But I had a feeling you had an unbreakable committment, so that freed me up to apply heavy metal scrap peer-pressure.
It's important for everyone to feel they have a job to do all the time. So a non-drunk semi-hypothetical assessment of skills is the first object. Then you can get everyone drunk enough to get them to consent. Then one person should busy themselves elsewhere while the other two get things going, so there's no awkward beginning. Voila! Suddenly everyone remembers their assignment from earlier that evening.
151 - but there was only one threesome total. So yes, you two could be cooler.
Go for girl #2--at this point in your career, go for the easy layup.
You are a living god, Chopper. You should set up a hotline. I'm totally serious.
155 sounds like the kind of thing that the Abu Ghraib MP interrogators were told so their superiors could maintain plausible deniability.
154: You could, uh (digging toe in sand), come here sometime, right? So many of us are here!
The only advice I have for téo: keep your damn mouth shut and go with whichever seems more likely to pan out once you're there. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of booty, and nothin' doin' about takin' no fifth.
Is that your idea of a threesome, Chopper?
The comment so nice, I said it thrice!
Chopper, if you coach teo up and get him into a threesome, your name will burn forever in the night sky.
Okay, the "wait until you get there" stuff just isn't going to work at all, and I already know which one seems more likely to pan out. Plus I have to respond somehow to this question I've been asked.
nothin' doin' about takin' no fifth
But you do have the right not to inseminate yourself.
This question you've been asked seems more and more ominous the more I ponder it. It makes me think they've already been discussing you and wondering if you were planning to start hitting on one of them.
151 - Legally deaf, dawg. Give me some love! (You Jewish too? 'Cause in this other place I frequent, we have a Deaf Jew Mafia started. Not sure what we're market we're going to corner, but it'll involve bitchin' TTY-tech, I can assure you.)
Aw, heck with it. Go for the three.
159 - Is the toe-digging-in-sand bashful or confrontational?
Either way, there's a pretty good chance I'll be taking a trip that way over the summer. Don't know when yet, though.
I say go for the girl more likely to pan out. Not only is hooking up more likely to happen, I think you'll be able to enjoy it more because there will be less pressure. There will be fewer of the "does she really like me?" worries while you're making out and trying to figure out where things are going to lead for the evening. Better to be able to kick back and enjoy things than to have to worry more about how further advances will be received. Things will be easier for you if she's really into it.
170: Thanks.
171: I'm quite certain something like that's the case, and my main concern now is trying to figure out what exactly they've been saying about me.
174: It's very cute. I promise.
So much good advice here! 108 (and 123, and 131) are very solid, but the "easy layup" is pretty conclusive, to my thinking.
Never forget the value of alcohol as a social lubricant. And the rule with lubricant is to err on the heavy side.
175: All true, but I'm not really as into her, which is what's bothering me.
167 -- You don't have to answer the question you've been asked. You should answer the question you wish you had been asked.
You should answer the question you wish you had been asked.
This doesn't seem like a good way to go in general.
176: Maybe you should make a direct but facetious question as to what they've been saying about you then. Perhaps they think their plotting is going undetected,.
181: Don't knock it. That's probably how Dubya reproduced. (In addition to his family pedigree and buckets of cash, I mean.)
So, I have a question. Is there a better way to say "I'd like to hook up with someone at the upcoming unfogged meetup, preferably you, but if you're not interested maybe a lurker who seems to be into me"?
but I'm not really as into her, which is what's bothering me.
Damnit kid, you haven't been "into" anyone yet. Listen to Chopper.
Never forget the value of alcohol as a social lubricant. And the rule with lubricant is to err on the heavy side.
There are, um, risks involved with that, of course.
All true, but I'm not really as into her, which is what's bothering me.
The point is to get into her, Teo--you don't start there.
Teo, you have to put all your cards on the table for Teocrush. And by cards, I mean balls.
179 -- But when the clock strikes 12, the coach turns into a pumpkin, and all the horses to mice. There's a very limited opportunity at this here ball, and the difference between how deeply into Girl1 you are as opposed to how deeply into Girl2 sounds well within the margin of error for the whole equation (to change metephors).
And it doesn't matter whether you know what they've been saying to each other. They'll do what they do. All you have to do is read carefully, and say as little of the meta stuff as is necessary.
And by table, he means chopping block.
179: So don't pursue girl #2 if you're really not that interested. If you're going to be asking "Do I really like her?" it doesn't seem to be an improvement over not wondering if she's asking the corresponding question about you.
(Where's Emerson anyway? Isn't this his job?)
"Get into her, Teo/You don't start there" could well have been a Rick Springfield lyric.
179: remember, how into her you are is a function of, among other things, your alcohol consumption.
Unless someone has had some sort of foursome, teo, you should be listening to chopper. And buying a webcam.
There are, um, risks involved with that, of course.
Teo's going to end up passed out on the couch and Teocrush is going to end up sleeping with Chopper.
122: Sorry, I couldn't quite hear you.
181 -- That I really meant. There's plenty about this kind of interaction that is totally out of your hands, but you get to decide on what words come out of your own mouth. You can advance your narrative, if you're not obvious or impolite about it.
192: The condom is the glass slipper of our generation.
NONE OF US KNOW THESE GIRLS, therefore a large proportion of the advice should be completely ignored as irrelevant.
End up? She already has. We rode away on my motorcycle. Teo wore a porkpie hat and looked forlorn, then resolved to make her a mix tape.
Why don't you email both of them saying that you're that guy from down at the place, and then go with whichever one correctly understands who you are?
203: Yerroner, I was only checking to see which of the three sisters it fit!
This is when we all really wish that chopper still had his blackberry pearl. Real-time advice is so much more useful.
207: Ogged's strategy can't work for everyone. It didn't even work for Ogged.
164: Huh? I thought "threesome" meant "using both hands."
difference between how deeply into Girl1 you are as opposed to how deeply into Girl2 sounds well within the margin of error for the whole equation (to change metephors)
How significant are their figures?
Are you not into her like "I don't enjoy her company that much and I'm worried that spending several hours alone together would get really awkward" or you're not into her like "but i don't swoon when she walks in the door." If it's the former, then don't hook up with her. If it's the latter, then you gotta get over that.
They both know who I am. Maybe 57 is right.
203: Yerroner, I was only checking to see which of the three sisters it fit!
59: Sorry. I was afraid that my engagement announcement would cause havoc around here.
214: The latter, and you're probably right.
Chopper, you need to get that blackberry pearl back. Real time advice could be critical.
"And the rule with lubricant is to err on the heavy side."
Not in regard to your own consumption, it isn't. After reading this thread, I can say I have absolutely no idea what you should do, teo. It seems that the only outcome that can occur without your having regrets is to hook up with Girl1, so I say, try to do that.
220: I have absolutely no idea what you should do, teo.
I think teo should solicit advice from the Mineshaft continuously until the event is safely over, thereby avoiding the need to make any decision at all.
203: Ack! I hate to think what I'd have to cut off if it was too small. Which, of course, is oh-so-likely.
Ogged's strategy can't work for everyone. It didn't even work for Ogged.
That just increases the odds that teo is the one for whom it will work.
223: Past performance is no guarantee of future results.
211: I think that, under these facts, the Ogged strategy would be to summon up his imaginary cockblocker and then go after whichever girl said cockblocker did NOT choose.
Break the rules: void where prohibited.
the only outcome that can occur without your having regrets is to hook up with Girl1, so I say, try to do that.
Who has time for regrets while tasting, for the very first time, the sweets of sin?
Yeah, planning prospectively to avoid retrospective regrets is in itself regrettable.
I went with 108. We'll see what happens.
228: Where can I find picture of Jesus to forgive my tasting, for the very first time, the sweets of sin?
it's the aftertaste that concerns me. oh hell. the two girls are likely to make this decision, assuming there's one to be made.
204: I was going to suggest that he link us to their facebook pages, but then I remembered how facebook actually works.
retrospective regrets are fine. it's prospective regrets that are to be avoided. but that's ok, let teo ruin his life.
The aftertaste lasts longer, but worrying about it doesn't get things done. My own experience of trying to lose the V involved all sorts of dissimulation on both sides, drugs, alcohol, adultery, and not much pleasure at all. But Jesus Christ as my witness, I'm really glad it happened.
233: The conversation I've been talking about here is entirely in the format of facebook messages, by the way.
Not, like, just now, but intermittently over the past few weeks.
Wise decision. Of course, I can't figure out what it means, so I always assume pokes will eventually lead to intercourse.
Mine involved a Brazilian woman (so she said) at mardi gras, wearing a cowboy hat, a friend pretending to be passed-out in the adjacent bathroom.
That's my assumption too, but it hasn't panned out so far.
I think there's a certain strange sort of pickiness that comes from not actually knowing (more than theoretically) the upsides of intimacy/HMS/etc. I think it's very important to break out of the stupid molds one can get into like "I only like this type of person" or "if I'm interested in person X, then I couldn't possibly be interested in anyone else" etc. Broadening your horizons in stupid ways ("well I guess it's ok to hook up with her even if she's not my ideal") can broaden your horizons in more important ways ("hrm, women with short hair are dateable" "wait, I really do like nerds" etc.)
If you get along and she likes you, that should be enough for a weekend fling.
On the extremely limited basis of the exchange you related, you clearly have a shot with G1. If that's who you're interested in, go for that. The potential competition with G2 may actually make that more likely to pan out.
I think there's a certain strange sort of pickiness that comes from not actually knowing (more than theoretically) the upsides of intimacy/HMS/etc.
Definitely, and this is a big problem for me.
Is Julian Sanchez gay?
He seems to be avoiding the question.
I should go home. Thanks for the advice and support, everyone. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Julian Sanchez could pull off the threesome. Guy's got game.
Broadening your horizons in stupid ways ("well I guess it's ok to hook up with her even if she's not my ideal") can broaden your horizons in more important ways ("hrm, women with short hair are dateable" "wait, I really do like nerds" etc.)
I used to refer to my collection of past lovers as my "menagerie of oddities." The problem with broadening horizons is that you can get rather addicted to the broadening part.
Well, but AWB, I think Teo's got a bit more in common with me at his age than he does with you. I wouldn't give that advice to everyone.
The problem with broadening horizons is that you can get rather addicted to the broadening part.
And then you see the life-size cardboard cutout of Ted Nugent tacked to the ceiling, and you're cured.
I make me completely uncomfortable with my words and what I say.
But what if it's a really well cared-for cutout of Ted Nugent? With those little glowy stars all around his head?
I'll admit to the glowy stars, yes, but never the Nuge.
When SB took me back to his place, I was ok with the print of dead baby seals kissing, but when I saw the Nugent cutout, I ran.
a really well cared-for cutout of Ted Nugent?
The chances of this happening are extremely rare since the secondary schools stopped requiring Nugent Husbandry.
Ben knowingly indulges a fallacy from time to time.
Nugent was all in favor of husbandry until they caught him at it.
Sucks to your joke-mar!! :-D
I have a question about Facebook messages, if Teo doesn't mind.
A bit of background--I'm in (as far as I can tell) roughly Teo's general situation, at least before now--male undergrad, lamentable lack of romantico-sexual experience, etc.
I recently came across the Facebook profile of a girl at my school who seems to be my type--similar interests and so on--and I'm trying to decide about asking her out to coffee or somesuch. If I did, it'd most likely be via Facebook message--I have seen her in person a time or two, and we do have some mutual friends, but it just seems like it'd save on time and awkwardness/weirdness to do this directly.
That said, I'm a little leery about it, because it might seem weird and because my desire to ask her out seems to be partially driven by my dislike of the situation I'm in--I'm really sick of not having stuff with girls work out. What do you guys think? Should I ask her out, and if so, is facebook a viable way to do it?
First, you should express interest in her friend. Second, you should purchase aviator sunglasses from a Walgreens or a CVS. Third, poke. Fourth, poke. Fifth, think about approaching her after class, but then her friends got in the way. Sixth, poke. Seventh, ask her out in person.
really, I think asking her out in person is best. but it's hard. best of luck.
268: Use craiglist or a dating site or something. Then you know you're dealing with people who are seriously looking for a date. Real life and online dating have a tradeoff: in real life you know if you hit it off, but not if people are single and online it's vice-versa. Facebook seems to me to be the worst of both worlds. (Then again I'm a 26 year old fogey, so what do I know about generation facebook?)
Er, obviously on facebook you know if she's single. I meant more knowing whether she's actively interested in dating.
Oh, and we haven't really met before, if that clears things up.
Is it possible to tilt a poke of dust on facebook?
Ah. You should meet her first. NOW retired.
Do it Other Paul. Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? You don't know her, and if she says no it's not like anything's been lost.
I tried to hit on one girl, and then her sister, and back and forth a few times. Nothing good came of that.
around the second time i liked sister one, she liked me back, but i had switched over to liking sister two again.
Is that the incident from which your nomme de blouge originates?
Unless someone has had some sort of foursome, teo, you should be listening to chopper.
I've got one roomfulsome in my past, but I went to bed early last night and missed this entire conversation.
A roomfulsome all to yourself? Or was this just a common orgy? The former is what buys you credentials in this conversation.
Just a common orgy. But, despite it being before I was married, both of my future wives were there. Do I get any credentials for that?
Of course, they're all orgies. But I'm referencing the fundamental distinction between UCOs and MCOs. (Uni-Cock Orgies vs. Multi-Cock Orgies.) Expertise with one doens't necessarily translate into expertise with the other. And since you're not a feminist I've no way to know in which you've specialized.
287 posted before I say 286. And you get tons of extra credit for 286. Advise us, dear sage.
Eh, the only advice I have for that is join a co-ed fraternity and do tons of drugs.
Which one would you suggest I join?
At our age? Umm, Rotary Club, maybe?
These people are horny as goats, but also somewhat uncomfortably old. Plus, they make you run. But I bet they have well-appointed orgies, at least. Can you run on acid?
The local group here features an actual porn star, so that's promising.
Their best-known motto is "Service above Self." Another motto is "They profit most who serve best".
Actually, those aren't bad mottos for an orgy. You might be on to something, Apo.
re: 123
My experience of same was disappointing. With some moments of truly comic farce involved.
I do still dine out on the story though, as the details are pretty damned funny.
I'm pretty sure the zombie joseph beuys search was mine, though I recall phrasing it in the form of a question. Where can I find picture of zombie joseph beuys to forgive my sexual sin?
"My work here" above referred to the dissemination of the ZJB concept. I'm sure the search was Armsmasher's.
No, no—I mean, I was the one doing the zombie+joseph+beuys site:unfogged.com.
We can all share credit for being awesome, except ogged.
294: I think both SEK and choppers experiences are common. A lot depends on the dynamics and the context. It isn't like the awkward can't come up with only two involved, particularly new partners; it's a lot easier to get past with fewer people though. Some altered states are better than others for avoiding thta.
Aw, man, missed another fun one. Good luck, teo!
Other Paul: If you don't know her at all, I definitely do not recommend asking her out via facebook message. The worst that can happen is that you get rejected, but that's also the overwhelmingly likely outcome, and then you look like some sort of creepy facebook stalker. Sending her a message on a different subject might be a good way to start to get to know her, though. Do you have anything in common with her (as, say, reflected in both of your profiles) that you could use as a pretext for writing her?
304: Eh, I don't trust any Facebook-only interaction, messaging or otherwise. Other Paul, have you checked for any mutual friends on your and their lists? If there are any, ask them about the girl in question, what they know about her and if they could arrange an introduction.
You're at a college, there has to be a chain of mutual acquaintances that you can work through, and that has always had a much higher rate of success for meeting new people in my experience.
I'm pretty sure that Beuys' story about his time with the Tartars is bogus.
JAC's advice is also good, and probably more likely to work out well than mine. I've gotta say, though, that I think your chances are pretty slim regardless.
So I haven't heard back from Girl 1, which is not necessarily a bad sign since she's very unreliable about responding in general, but I did come up with the idea of talking to another friend of theirs (who I know fairly well) and asking about all this. Good idea?
I think that if you just put "Initiated member of the Unfogged posse" on all your communications you'd have to get a social secretary to screen the volunteer babes that flooded in.
312: Because it will be sure to get back to both of them.
We could even get Ogged to declare you an officer in the Unfogged posse, such as Sergeant at Arms or Kleagle.
And, as always: a.) relationships are bad, and b.) Unfogged relationship advice is always wrong.
Because it will be sure to get back to both of them.
See, I think what some people here aren't getting is that I don't care if it gets back to both of them; I just want to know what's going on.
309: Is the third person a closer friend of yours, or of Girls 1 & 2?
If Person 3 talks to you and then tells the other two girls, it just doesn't sound good that you're going after both of them. Especially since you're letting other friends in on the situation, deepening the possible humiliation for any girl who gets rejected or made 2nd choice.
If Person 3 is a much closer friend of yours, they might let you in on what's being discussed without mentioning things to Girls 1 & 2, while giving you decent advice on whether you're doing the right thing (morally and technique-wise).
315: If it gets back to both of them, the chances of anything "going on" are significantly reduced. Also, asking her friend about it a day after your first message potentially conveys neediness, which is bad (even if accurate).
Girl 3 is a much closer friend of theirs. I've tried to talk about this to closer friends of mine, but they don't seem to care.
317: Okay, but what I'm intending to say to Girl 3 is "I really like Girl 1 and want to hook up with her at Event X; do you think she wants to? And by the way, what's up with Girl 2?"
Hey guys:
There's this nail I just stepped on. Should I go step on this other nail?
Update:
I've spotted nail #3. Thoughts?
I've spotted nail #3. Thoughts?
All you need now is a cross.
I'm glad you can see the humor in things. It'll work out, teo.
Judging from past experience it probably won't, actually. But okay, whatever.
So does everyone really think this is a bad idea?
I reiterate my advice to keep your mouth shut and just see what happens. It sounds to me like Girl #1 is trying to suss out on behalf of Girl #2 whether you like Girl #2, but pretty much saying anything doesn't help.
325: probably not... on the other hand if you can somehow end up with a 4 way out of this, with realtime updates to unfogged, you'll win the interwebs.
However, you do not get second prize if the three girls have a hot LUG threesome while you're sitting in your room posting to Unfogged.
I figure if they were going to have a threesome they would have done it already, so I think I'm in the clear on that count.
they would have done it already
You mean girls #'s 1, 2, and 3? Or is there another, darker figure in this drama?
Yes, the three girls already mentioned. They're quite close friends.
Yeah -- my eye skipped over DaveL's comment when reading your 330, so I did not have context for the assertion.
I've got to say, guys, worrying about this has really upset me a lot for some reason.
334: That's why the Intelligent Designer created liquor, teo.
336: I don't, but even if they have it doesn't affect me.
Oh, dude, don't worry about it. It's a party, you're going to have fun, and you'll hook up or you won't. It's not your last chance ever to get laid, and you shouldn't think of it as if it were. Just go, have fun, flirt like crazy, and enjoy yourself; you'll make a pass at one of the numbered Girls, and it'll work or it won't. But don't make yourself unhappy -- this is fun, and if it's not fun you should do something that is.
It's not a party, and I almost certainly will not make a pass at one of the numbered girls.
Your advice is, of course, sound nonetheless. Now go away.
will not make a pass
I have to tell you, if you're committed to this approach, your odds of success go way, way down.
And now I'm gone. Have I mentioned how little I enjoy my job?
It's a statement of (probable) fact, not intention or desire.
I don't know why I'm obsessing over this so much. I really wish I had someone to talk to about it here, but none of my friends seem to care.
Have I mentioned how little I enjoy my job?
But I thought you had dropped some hints about a coming change in your situation?
344: As someone or other said in a different context: the unexamined life is not worth living, but too much processing and you get Velveeta. Could be your friends have sensed you're at that point.
I know how useless "don't worry" advice is; it's not like it's something you can switch off. That's why I'd recommend finding something else to take your mind off. (Not necessarily booze.)
Later, and good luck.
345: Those hints related to hopes, rather than anything definite. Hopes which have been quashed by letter received yesterday.
"We receive applications from a very large number of qualified applicants. Yours was not among them."
On to the next plan.
Could be your friends have sensed you're at that point.
Highly unlikely. I doubt they have any idea I've been worrying about this at all.
Ah. Maybe it's just that I have the impression you're at that point.
I may well be. I'd kind of just like to get this damn thing over with already, but it's not for another week.
347 -- Oh gosh, sorry about that. Hoping some other hopes come along soon.
get this damn thing over with already
A good way to approach the notion of "losing" one's "virginity". Sort of a proto-Emersonian approach.
Now that's an attitude that's seeming more and more attractive every day.
347: That sucks. Condolences. And what the hell is wrong with those people?
Getting out of the law firm really is better. Yeah, it's still practicing law and having to get up and go to work every morning is a pain in the ass, but you sleep at night and get home while it's still light with some regularity. And the no timesheets thing really does make a huge difference. Sometimes I even really like my job, and when I get past the initial "I hate making first impressions" stage of the thing I think there will be more of that.
That was sort of my take on it: huh, don't need this any more.
What sort of party is this, téo, that it's got you so stressed?
I vote we all take up a collection and hire a prostitute for Teo.
Even though doing that would leave us with a dearth of things to talk about.
Oops, missed that one. Why has this not-party got you so stressed?
359: Au contraire, I think for a short period it would give us a lot to talk about.
I guess it's because it's the last of a series of recent events that have been attended by both me and these girls, and I haven't managed to do anything the previous times so it seems like my last chance with them, and possible at all before I graduate because I don't have any particular prospects here.
I vote we all take up a collection and hire a prostitute for Teo.
Well you just know if we went about it that way, he would wake up the next morning with a message about "Welcome to my world" scrawled on the mirror in scarlet libstick... Probably best not to...
Get it over with. Send the girl you like a message saying that you like her and can you guys do something this weekend, just the two of you, sans her friend?
359: Au contraire
What's with the recent spate of auto-addressed comments?
362: Have you read any of this discussion? She's hundreds of miles away.
This place closes at 10, and I should probably go home anyway, so I think this is it for me for now. Good night, everyone.
364: Oh right. Read, but not memorized. Night.
I'm sorry about your travails, Teo. Good luck.
Sympathies, teo, it does sound frustrating that the general uncertainty is combined with a sense both of multuple possibilities, and a lack of anything constructive to do at the moment.
Good luck.