Don't waste your breath, sonny. It's Landmark Thucydides all the way down.
Oops, looks like the question was favorite *novel* which rules out my plan to capture the presidency by extolling the virtues of the glorious Quran.
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will: Moby Dick. Bring up the Cold War reading of the book as a struggle against totalitarianism.
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV: Moby Dick. Make dick joke, with eyebrows only.
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times: Moby Dick. Dig on Queequeg, especially sharing a bed with Ishmael.
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade: Moby Dick. You read the abridged version, in high school, and you love boats.
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh: Moby Dick. It's a classic of American literature. There are no women in it.
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS: Moby Dick. Its proleptic critique of American imperialism is only matched in perspicacity by its ... oh, who am I kidding. Just show that you also know who Hawthorne is.
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan: Moby Dick. Make dick joke.
What a freaky answer, particularly from someone who isn't even a Scientologist. I've read Battlefield Earth, and it wasn't pretty.
In all cases, suggest something by Wodehouse. Light and meaningless, yet read by a broad number of the intellectual class.
I was about to make Wrongshore's argument for Huck Finn all the way down.
I do not understand Romney's answer. Really wierd.
Hm. Let's see, and limiting it to books I've actually read and liked:
1 - OPENING SKINNER'S BOX. I'd choose Freakonomics, but I haven't actually read it. Yay for pop social science.
2 - THE SNARKOUT BOYS AND THE AVOCADO OF DEATH, by Daniel Pinkwater. The title is silly enough that the fact that it isn't actually crap could possibly be forgiven.
3 - THE BRIDGE ON THE DRINA, Ivo Andric.
4 - I'm not quite clear what the meaning of "populist" is here. Possibly see #5.
5 - THE MOON IS A HARSH MISTRESS, Heinlein (Fourth of July in SPACE!) Last read it like 20 years ago, though. Which is probably for the best.
6 - Hrm. LITTLE, BIG, maybe. Which has the advantage of being more or less true, but the disadvantage of not having a lot of semi-intellectual-ish blathering that could be hung off of it. Maybe SEEING LIKE A STATE if I wanted to get into a discussion of political theory or whatever.
7 - THE WAR FOR MUSLIM MINDS, Giles Keppel. Which, however, I don't remember very clearly, or at least not as distinct from a bunch of Aqoul discussion threads.
4: I assume it was supposed to be part of some weird attempt to say, "Hey, there are weirdo religions out there, and I think they're weird too (I'm one of you), but I'm respectful of them (as you should be of me)."
Honestly, you should just say To Kill a Mockingbird and be done with it. Most other answers will just cause more trouble than they're worth.
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will
Primo Levi, "The Periodic Table"
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV
Andy Griffiths, "The Day My Butt Went Psycho"
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times
Sayyid Qutb, "Milestones"
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade
"Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever"
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh
Theodore Bilbo, "Take Your Choice"
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS
Anne Fadiman, "The Spirit Catches You And You Fall Down"
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan
Autobiography of some boring old statesman, like John Hay or something
Suitable for being interviewed by George Will: Angela Davis: An Autobiography
Suitable for being interviewed on MTV: Amusing Ourselves To Death, Neil Postman
Suitable for being interviewed by New York Times: The Turner Diaries
Suitable for being interviewed by Parade: Tractus Logico-Philosophicus
Suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh: Distinction, Pierre Bourdieu
Suitable for being interviewed on PBS: Battlefield Earth
Suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan: The Fabulist, Stephen Glass.
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will: Lincoln, David Herbert Donald
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV: Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung, Lester Bangs
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times: Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade: The Grapes of Wrath, John Steinbeck (though the obvious answer here is The King James Bible)
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh: Rush Limbaugh Is a Big, Fat Idiot, Al Franken
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS: , The Federalist Papers and The Anti-Federalist Papers
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan: Catch-22, Joseph Heller
Goddammit, Wrongshore. I was going to do that for Lord of the Rings.
Battlefield Earth is scientifically proven to be the third greatest novel of all time. And McCain and Giuliani had already taken Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead, so you have to admit it's a pretty logical pick.
The top 10 on the Reader's List are hilarious.
Theodore Bilbo's "Take Your Choice" is available in its entirety online, by the way.
On the other hand, so is Moby Dick.
#17 on the readers' list....WTF? My mom is a fan of that writer and I don't think she even owns that book.
10: Am moderately perturbed to see Australian classic 'The Day My Bum Went Psycho' renamed for US publication.
Nakku, in the US bums going psycho has a less pleasant connotation.
Well, in the US, bums going psycho isn't really noteworthy. Though I guess having your own personal bum is.
A) "Disgrace," J.M. Coetzee
B) "The Metaphysical Club," Louis Menand
C) "Ender's Game," Orson Scott Card
D) "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72," Hunter S.
Thompson
E) "Seven Pillars of Wisdom," T.E. Lawrence
F) "The Secret," Rhonda Byrne
G) "The Secret," Rhonda Byrne
I may not have those in the right order.
Better to just make up a few titles and, when the interviewer expresses ignorance, look away, shake my head and smile sadly.
"Yes, he/she never got the attention he/she deserved [in this country/even after his/her unfortunate death]."
22: I'm not sure either of the readings is pleasant, as such. But point taken.
You know, I think you could probably say "Sun Tzu's Art of War" for all of those, and each one would read in whatever they wanted to read.
The daughter of a friend of mine lost her chance to be the Portland Rose Festival Queen when she told the interviewing committee that "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" was her favorite book. Her public service work was encouraging condom use, and that probably didn't help either. (She won her high school contest, though.)
28: I may not have those in the right order. kid.
29: Sounds like a good date though, if you were into that sorta thing WOCYA,BJECOB.
suitable for being interviewed by George Will: Poor & Brewster, eds., Plants That Merit Attention, Vol. II -- Shrubs
sfbi on MTV: Marilyn Yalom, History of the Breast
sfbi by NYT: Pierre Vallières, White Niggers of America
sfbi by Parade: Martin Sprouse, ed., Sabotage in the American Workplace
sfbi by Limbaugh: Sven Lindqvist, A History of Bombing
sfbi on PBS: E.P. Evans, The Criminal Prosecution and Capital Punishment of Animals
sfbi by Andrew Sullivan: Terry Eagleton, The Truth About the Irish
Those are just the ones I can see from my desk. I'll get back to you if I move my chair.
Novels are for dreamers.
Wrongshore is in fine form today.
Why, thank you. But I'd still like to see the LOTR round-up.
Main difficulty with LOTR would be making it work for the NYT and PBS interviews.
There are no women in [Moby Dick].
Not strictly true; there's that woman who runs the chowder place where he eats before he gets on the boat. She's not really a major character, though.
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will: The Adventures of Augie March by Saul Bellow
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV: A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times: [The (untranslated) galleys of Orhan Pamuk's next novel]
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade: O Pioneers! by Willa Cather
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh: For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS: Austerlitz by W.G. Sebald
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan: I challenge you to outdo The Light That Failed by Rudyard Kipling.
Good point, teo -- and thanks for keeping mum about the part where Starbuck RIPS OFF HIS LATEX MASK AND HE'S REALLY THE WOMAN FROM THE CHOWDER PLACE WHERE HE EATS BEFORE HE GETS ON THE BOAT.
I fucking LOVE Moby Dick. And no one should have it ruined by bloggy spoilers.
17: L. Ron has three in the top ten. There must be something to having one's brain dry-cleaned.
Okay, without looking at other lists, here are my mostly serious picks:
Moderately intellectual choice: Collapse: How Societies Choose or Fail to Succeed, by Jared Diamond
Funny choice: Fargo Rock City: A Heavy Metal Odyssey in Rural North Dakota, by Chuck Klosterman
Multicultural choice: Beloved, by Toni Morrison
Populist choice: The 6th Target, by James Patterson
Safely patriotic choice: The Heritage Guide to the Constitution, by Edwin Meese III
Thoughtful choice: The Revolt of the Elites: And the Betrayal of Democracy, by Christopher Lasch
Anti-terrorism choice: The Red Roots of Terrorism, by Christian Hartwright
Actually following the rule about novels:
Moderately intellectual, George Will: Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose. Focus on the importance of empiricism argued for by the main character.
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV: Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomnicon. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to not like this book, both as a liberal and someone who likes to think of themselves as having taste, but screw it.
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times: Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I'm not sure what Deborah Solomon's followup would be.
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade: James Ellroy, L.A. Confidentia. People will assume it's no darker than the (somewhat dark) movie, and find it somewhat inspiring.
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh: FAIR, The Way Things Aren't, Rush Limbaugh's Reign of Error. Fuck Rush Limbaugh in the ear.
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS: Flann O'Brien, At Swim Two Birds. Shouldn't need any explanation on this blog.
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan: Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange. That'd work for him, I think.
24: "Ender's Game" is multicultural?
Card hates fags. There's your multicultural.
McCain should lose his straight-talker status for lying about his favorite book. Nobody who's actually read Atlas Shrugged can possibly think it's a good book.
Woops, this is the internet. I meant "loose" his straight-talker status...
Okay, here we go:
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will
"I was drawn to Tolkien's portrayal of his heroes as ordinary men rising to meet the challenges of extraordinary times."
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV
"I'll be honest; when I was thirteen, I just wanted the One Ring so I could be invisible and watch the cheerleaders practice."
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times
"As a boy, I liked the books for the action and heroism, of course. As I've grown older, I've come to appreciate the significance of the ring as the symbol of the lust for power, and how all the cultures, the dwarves and elves and humans, had to work together to defeat the threat."
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade
"SEVEN THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT BEING PRESIDENT FROM LORD OF THE RINGS."
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh
"It's really about an existential threat to their way of life. Their world changed with this threat to the East, in the book, I mean, and they had to sacrifice to save it."
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS
"I had always liked the trilogy, but in high school I had a wonderful English teacher who explained that Tolkien was trying to create a myth for our times. How he drew inspiration from Viking sagas and combined them with modern values."
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan
"In the story, after the good guys win the war, they return home only to discover that the evil they were fighting abroad has taken root at home. They defeat it, seek no glory, and return to a quiet life of small industry and isolationism."
The all-18th-century answers:
Moderately intellectual choice: Life of Johnson by James Boswell (not really novel)
Funny choice: Tristram Shandy by Laurence Sterne
Multicultural choice: The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano by Equiano (neither is this)
Populist choice: Fanny Hill by John Cleland
Safely patriotic choice: Edgar Huntly by Charles Brockden Brown
Thoughtful choice: Roxana by Daniel Defoe
Anti-terrorism choice: Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
The 19th-century answers:
Moderately intellectual choice: Middlemarch by George Eliot
Funny choice: Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell
Multicultural choice: Son of the Forest by William Apess
Populist choice: Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens
Safely patriotic choice: Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
Thoughtful choice: À Rebours by Joris-Karl Huysmans
Anti-terrorism choice: Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
The 20th-century answers:
Moderately intellectual choice: The Interpreters by Wole Soyinka
Funny choice: The Dead Father by Donald Barthelme
Multicultural choice: The Palm-Wine Drinkard by Amos Tutuola
Populist choice: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Safely patriotic choice: Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon
Thoughtful choice: The Beautyful Ones are Not Yet Born by Ayi Kwei Armah
Anti-terrorism choice: Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
44: "practice" s/b "change", right? RIGHT?!?
Ever since this summer I see À Rebours popping up everywhere.
46, no, no, you wink all subtle-like, and everyone knows what you meant, but you still look devilishly wholesome in the papers.
48: But can you tell me if you agree that Pink Narcissus was based on it? Because that would help me a great deal.
50: I've never read it, or Pink Narcissus, so I couldn't help you there.
Moderately intellectual choice: "Gehirne", Gottfried Benn
Funny choice: "A Country Doctor", Franz Kafka
Multicultural choice:The Sea and Poison, Shusaku Endo
Populist choice: Death on the Installment Plan, Céline.
Safely patriotic choice: Doctor Stories, William Carlos Williams.
Thoughtful choice: Ingenious Pain, Andrew Miller
Anti-terrorism choice: this one has me stuck, I admit. Maybe The Sea and Poison again.
Pink Narcissus is a pornographic film from the 70's.
AWB:
Did you like Mason Dixon? I just couldnt get into it.
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will: Jokingly, The World is Flat, T. 6months Freidman
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV: Lost in the Cosmos, Percy
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times: Ficciones, Borges or The Death of Artemio Cruz, Fuentes
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade: It is Not About the Bike, Lance Armstrong
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh: Liddy, G. Gordon Liddy
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS: I and Thou, Buber
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan: Future of Freedom, Zakaria
54: I loved it, even cried at the end. But I have yet to meet anyone else who seems to have really enjoyed it, other than the Pynchon Is God! crew.
I loved Gravity's Rainbow and the Crying of Lot 49, but just couldnt make it through Mason.
I also hated Confederacy of Dunces that someone else mentioned.
I also hated Confederacy of Dunces
You probably wouldn't care for the Enderby novels either, then. But I'll recommend them all the same.
Why?
I love Southern American literature and latin American lit, but just didnt like Dunces. I thought it was flat. Since so many people that I respect like it, I must be a big reading loser.
Anti-terrorism choice: Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
There are actual terrorists in The Princess Casamassima (1885), although since I haven't read Wuthering Heights, I don't know if it's a better choice.
Serious picks (untainted by the thread past 7, which I will give MAD PROPS for obvious reason):
Moderately intellectual: Devil Take the Hindmost, Edward Chancellor. Potentially and more topically the new one on financial bubbles that Dan Gross has out (called Pop, I believe)
Funny (MTV edition): Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck Klosterman
Multiculti: My Name is Red, Ohran Pamuk
Populist: World War Z, Max Brooks*
Patriotic: Memoirs, Ulysses S. Grant. Confederate apologists can suck it.
Thoughtful: John Kenneth Galbraith, Richard Parker
Anti-terrorist: Learning to Eat Soup with a Knife: Counterinsurgency Lessons from Malaya and Vietnam, John Nagl.
Reading the thread - oh, crap, we were supposed to pick novels? Um. The Third Policeman for everyone!
* Arguably suitable for the anti-terrorist slot.
Fuck it, I'll have a go. I like novels.
Moderately intellectual: I would say "Against the Day" except I can't really picture discussing Pynchon with Mr. Will. Something German The Man of Straw, I guess.
M-Funny: Probably The Keep by Jennifer Egan.
Multicultural: The Autograph Man, by Zadie Smith.
Parade-style: Cat's Cradle.
Patriotic (if the word be taken to mean something that could be applied to Limbaugh): Gravity's Rainbow, or possibly Naked Lunch.
Thoughtful: I don't do thoughtful.
Anti-terrorist: Haroun and the Sea of Stories.
What's wrong with the choices in 51? Great if you're running on a health care platform.
I'm glad to see that Pamuk has replaced Garcia Marquez as America's go-to foreign brown-person novelist.
63 -- I am looking for Zadie Smith to take over that role.
Ignoring the fact that Pamuk is one of the great living novelists and Smith isn't, British people don't count in the foreign brown-person sweepstakes unless they were born somewhere exotic -- we want them shuttled in from over the Naipaul line.
I can't speak to Pamuk but The Autograph Man is a great novel. Also White Teeth. Do you dispute this?
I've read neither The Autograph Man nor On Beauty. White Teeth is an excellent first novel. Black Book, Red, and Snow are all fan-fucking-tastic, however.
I'll note that a friend whose taste I trust was disappointed by On Beauty, and I thought White Teeth, while excellent, was overrated.
White Teeth was great, but Pamuk is a fucking master.
Just finished Snow and really liked it.
responses likely to end one's public career, e.g., Lynne Cheney's "Sisters."
Actually, if you're a *Democratic* candidate, I think that's a very good answer, even better than Scooter Libby's bearfucking novel. I mean, what're the Repubs going to say? That you're a degenerate for liking Mrs. Cheney's novel?
Never read any of Pamuk's novels, but Istanbul was excellent.
Irresistible.
Moderately intellectual choice, suitable for being interviewed by George Will -- Mrs. Dalloway. Which isn't really "moderately" intellectual (nor, for heaven's sake, is Moby Dick) but fuck it.
Funny choice, suitable for being interviewed on MTV -- The Velveteen Rabbit. Not funny, but my favorite kid's book. PK hates it b/c it's sad.
Multicultural choice, suitable for being interviewed by New York Times -- Don Quijote.
Populist choice, suitable for being interviewed by Parade -- Pride and Prejudice.
Safely patriotic choice, suitable for being interviewed by Rush Limbaugh -- The Education of Henry Adams.
Thoughtful choice, suitable for being interviewed on PBS -- Mrs. D. again, which genuinely is my favorite novel.
Anti-terrorism choice, suitable for being interviewed by Andrew Sullivan -- Paradise Lost.
Mrs. D. again, which genuinely is my favorite novel.
Moreso than To the Lighthouse? I wonder why.
Possibly because I haven't read To The Lighthouse.
"Sisters" can be bought for a mere $250. Not likely to be found in libraries.
Life of Johnson by James Boswell (not really novel) - Ouch!
Are these suposed to be choices for an alt/republican candidate or a human being? For the former:
Intellectual: Joyce - Portrait of the Artist (covers off obligatory faux-Irish reference);
Funny: Pratchett - Night Watch (hat tip to the liberatarian viewers. Thank you and good night);
Multicultural: Ngugi - Petals of Blood (fantastic novel, very accessible and not currently trendy);
Populist: Ruiz Zafon - Shadow of the Wind (imply that you might read Spanish but not very deeply);
Patriotic: Vidal - 1876 (fuck Limbaugh);
Thoughtful: Anything by Twain, or refer to Oprah (this category is flaccid);
Anti-terrorist: Conrad - The Secret Agent (well, d'uh).
74: Oh, read it, read it. I like Dalloway, but TTL is Woolf at top form -- that "incandescence" she talks about re: Shakespeare.
My dad liked "Mason & Dixon" much more than whatever other Pynchon novels he's read/attempted. The old-timey-ness made the pretentiousness much less unbearable.
68 -- I agree with your friend about On Beauty. But: White Teeth and The Autograph Man* have so much going for them. I am really looking forward to seeing what she does next. I will seek out some Pamuk. Should I start with the earliest or the most recent, or somewhere in between?
*Everyone: Read this book!
No, thanks. I prefer books written by dead people who won't give me reader's remorse with their depressingly conventional or shockingly unpleasant political opinions, via blog or interview.
Oh, did Smith do that? I have no knowledge of her outside her books. Probably better to keep it that way if her opinions are going to depress me.
Funny: Pratchett - Night Watch
You know, there's probably a "Terry Pratchett all the way down" answer (or several) that would work but I haven't the time to come up with it. It would undoubtedly feature Jingo but I'm not sure where.
This opinion seems pretty non-depressing.
83: Either that or for the NPR interview, depending on whether the interviewer has actually read it? I dunno.
Oh, all right then:
Intellectual: Small Gods
Funny: Wyrd Sisters
Multicultural: Men at Arms/Thud!
Populist: Last Continent
Patriotic: The Truth
Thoughtful: Hogfather
Anti-terrorist: Fifth Elephant
On a loosely related tangent, Kevin Drum's comments are generally unreadable, but the first and fourth one to this post sure did crack me up.
For MTV, you have to go with Soul Music, natch.
And really.... for anti-terrorist, you could have Jingo, Fifth Elephant, or Thud! The dwarfs even have imams!
77: Okay, okay! I'm not reading anything right now, so I'll start TTL.
I read Istanbul in Istanbul! Don't take it on someone else's words, I always say.