WL: So screw American chicks!
A perfectly ambiguous statement in context, given that we can't hear the emphasis.
I'm pretty sure the sense was "to hell with American chicks."
Mail order brides drown easily, in my experience.
Actually, I'm good with either reading. Screw 'em or Screw 'em.
6: I'm just sayin' maybe a lifeguard might be a good match.
People who want a good subserviant Asian bride/gf have never dated Asian women.
When stereotypes clash! Docile Asian chick or dragon lady?!??
I certainly hope this is some sort of cage match.
What Will said. It's a myth. If you want to marry a business partner, though, a Chinese woman would be the way to go. Ja, ja, "model minority". Ja, ja, stereotype.
Ha! A desperate neighbor of mine used Sunshine International (which may have a prostitution sideline, for all I know, but is definitely a pen/dating/mail-order bride outfit) and got to the point of flying his new pal here for a face-to-face meeting. When I saw them together on the street, he looked totally sheepish and crestfallen.
Here's a tip: if women think you're basically a loser, and rather than work on your less attractive attributes you decide to shop by mail for a mate, before you buy her a plane ticket you might want to ask how old the photo is she sent you. I'm surprised the one he got wasn't a daguerrotype.
Some of my best friends are subservient Asian brides.
Or they were. Before they drowned.
Do not get me started on this topic, or if you do, like, hand over the blog because that's about how much I have to say about it.
Closing the comment box now.
e-Bay, and you wouldn't believe the shipping costs on a 200lb Canadian (NWT!! MUST SEE!!!1!) Always check before you bid!
which may have a prostitution sideline, for all I know, but is definitely a pen/dating/mail-order bride outfit
Same diff, dude.
21: Isn't more like a rental vs. a lease thing...
(Like 24 months and I do not remember the milage limits.)
On a personal note my wife is going to see the INS later this month to take her 'merikan test. On our last visit she filled out the comment card noting the poor service - man I was livid. YOU DON'T SAY THAT STUFF UNTIL YOU HAVE THE PAPERS IN HAND. So she goes on about about human dignity, people being endowed by their creator with rights and the like. Damn, I want to join her in Jefferson's America some day.
They won't care too much about that, ukko. Got better things to do with their time than retaliated, like decide whether there really is a Canadian mail-order husband service.
re: 24
My wife has been talking about taking British citizenship. They have a test, these days, apparently. About British culture and tradition, and shit.
Not that it makes any material difference. I think the only extra right she'll gain, over those she already has as an EU citizen, is the right to vote in parliamentary elections.
My great-great-grandmother was a German mail-order bride.
On the grounds that prostitution is not inherent in penpal/dating/mail-order bride situations, whatever claims one wants to make about those relationships. You can argue otherwise, but you'll have zadfrack and Jackmormon to reckon with.
Penpalling and online dating involve a certain equality that looking for a wife on a mail-order bride site doesn't. Whether you're picking out a woman to fuck on the street, from a brothel lineup, or from a website lineup, the pay-for-possession aspect combined with the inescapable fact that the women are doing it out of desperation makes it prostitution.
27, 31 Was that mail-order? Or male-order (as in hen-pecked)?
"We've already established what you are. Now we're just negotiating the price."
THREADJACK!!!!!
I've just been called for GRAND JURY. SIX FUCKING WEEKS. WHAT DO I DO????????
Becks, either you have a drivers license or you registered to vote.
Plead insanity ... pretty easy since you hang out here.
Can't you get out of it on hardship grounds? I have to work, big project, etc.
34: Hah! Didn't I read that one in The Lockhorns?
Wow. Six weeks is just unreasonable. But I don't know what the criteria are for grand jurors, so I don't know how to get out of it. Lawyers?
You'll need to perfect an annoying tic while speaking in word sandwiches.
It says I can get, at most, a 90 day deferral. This totally freaks me out. I mean, if I'm off for 6 weeks, that really worries me about work. We ARE in the middle of a big project, that lasts through the end of the year. And what if I'm gone for 6 weeks? Will they just decide to bump me from my current project since they're looking to reduce staff? I wouldn't get laid off but I might get reassigned to bumfuck Iowa. And, even if I didn't, there goes all of my vacation for the rest of the year. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Look, I'm sure there's a way to get out of it, we're just waiting for the person who knows to chime in.
Hey, maybe you can indict Karl Rove.
Would you be serving every single day?
I don't know anything about state grand juries, but federal grand juries serve for 18 month terms, but only meet once or twice a month.
33: In this case, I think it's quite an escapable fact. The woman I met was no more desperate than any lonely, late middle-aged person I've known, and the profiles my neighbor told me about suggested that there were many others like her. If she'd married my neighbor, would that have made her a prostitute?
I nearly had to serve on a big nasty drug and murder conspiracy case, which was going to last five or six weeks. The defendant looked like a scary motherfucker. I explained to the judge that I was in a giant panic about moving house, and he dismissed me.
53 - Maybe I can just get hysterical when interviewed by the judge. If my reaction right now is any indication, THAT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.
My point is that your neighbor is a john.
Good job McQueen, get this thread back on track.
Free trade allows for specialization. Why shouldn't Russia and Eastern Europe take advantage of their large natural deposits of hot women?
49 Do your civil duty and indict that m..f..r!
Anyway, what is this
The woman I met was no more desperate than any lonely, late middle-aged person I've known
other than merely saying, "well, she didn't look like a prostitute."
I'm not going to argue B's larger point, which I think is basically accurate. There is a serious power differential in most (not all) of today's mail-order bride venues.
I will quibble enough to say it is clear that PK has not yet had to read Sarah, Plain and Tall, which is a good book and worth reading.
55: IMX, judges are pretty understanding when asking people to serve for long (e.g. greater than 1 week) period of time. If you say it will be a hardship, the judge will probably excuse you.
That's assuming that it's an everyday thing. If it's just "meet once a week for six weeks," the judge might feel differently.
I've never read that book either. But this is probably a good time to say that, per LB's recommendation, he is absolutely LOVING the Little House books, and for exactly the reason she suggested. Thanks, LB!
Aren't there a bunch of boilerplate questions they ask about your fitness to serve, the way there are on petit juries? Can you get out by answering yes, I'm absolutely opposed to the death penalty, yes, I think drugs should be legalized across the board, that kind of thing?
It says, in bold lettering: "it is mandatory that you report each day for 27 days".
The jury duty issue reminds me of a question I've always had about jury duty--who are the people for whom serving on a jury *isn't* an inconvenience/hardship? And are they really likely to be the defendant's peers?
Wait a minute, Becks, aren't you still splitting your time between two states? Do you really have legal residency in wherever it is that they're summoning you?
Dude, she was a middle-class woman with a job. Either that, or I was duped by her inscrutable Japanese wiles.
Ugh. It's five days a week. That's sucks.
63 - No boilerplate questions. Just "do you have a medical condition?" and "have you served in the last 2 years?".
I mean, I feel bad because I really should be the type of person to serve on a jury, in a way, in that I'll probably still get a paycheck and know how the law works. But the prospect is still really terrible!
Becks, I think you should go with the "I'm under observation for a possible stroke" excuse. One of the several doctors you've seen will sign off.
66 - Yes, I have legal residency in DC. And I really don't want to go at this from the residency angle because that could affect my standing with the IRS.
If I had to do this, it really is the best time because I was planning on being in DC for a month anyway. But I was planning on WORKING in DC for a month.
70 - This is going to give me a fucking stroke.
So you're not going to get a crack at Rove, then.
You don't have to serve if you no longer live in DC. Or if you have a pending criminal case. So you can move or commit a crime.
Your employer can't fire you for grand jury service.
most (not all) of today's mail-order bride venues
So basically, Witt has my back, despite feigning to take your side. Good one, Witt.
67: Look, I don't know the site, so maybe it's just a dating site. But if it's a mail-order bride site and that was what was going on--even if it was just a "trial" meeting--then it's prostitution. Whether she was middle-class and otherwise employed doesn't mean she wasn't prostituting herself.
Becks, I'm pretty sure that "I might end up in Iowa" constitutes a hardship to any DC judge. Just explain that to him, including references to your employer's desire to reduce the size of its workforce.
Good job McQueen, get this thread back on track
So no bringing up Barry Bonds?
It's not an "explain to the judge" kind of thing, apparently. The linked site says that if you show up, barring an emergency, you'll be expected to serve. If you want to be excused, you have to let them know in writing beforehand, and the people fielding those letters are paid to reject lame excuses. Stroke, baby.
65. Pretty broad definition of peers, I guess. My favorite line is "do you really want your case tried by people who can't figure out how to get out of jury duty?"
The one time I had jury duty (and got out of it) I said that I had to work. The judge asked if I would be paid if I were on jury duty and I said no, and he excused me. I suspect if I'd said yes, that wouldn't have excused me.
And are they really likely to be the defendant's peers?
Get a lot of earls and barons as defendants where you live?
OK, good news! I just realized I'm on the grand jury that only serves 3 days a week instead of five. So I'll be able to bill at least about 20 hours a week. BUT STILL.
But with all good news comes bad: no Sidekick.
a question I've always had about jury duty--who are the people for whom serving on a jury *isn't* an inconvenience/hardship?
Retirees, low to mid-level public employees, maybe some unionized private-sector folks.
Some judges are hard-assed mother fuckers. I've only served on jury-duty once, which RAN THROUGH MY ENTIRE SPRING BREAK WEEK, when I was supposed to be at the beach. Fucker.
Plane tickets, motherfucker!!! Plane tickets!
B. is worried about foreign competition, though she does have her mail order German husband already.
Is the "So screw American chicks!" supposed to be in quotation marks? I've been trying to interpret the post as if the choice were deliberate, but I'm having trouble and I'm starting to think ogged just made a mistake.
In Massachusetts, employers have to pay for the first 3 days, so that's no excuse. I posted on Becks' blog to say that a friend of mine got grand jury in Boston. He had just passed the bar and was unemployed. He got paid $50/ day; it was a 4-day workweek.
"Mail order brides drown easily, in my experience."
That's odd. This is the exact opposite of my experience.
82: I told my judge that I could lose my job if I served, and explained why my bosses needed me daily. He told me I could find another job.
Becks, don't worry. My boss had jury duty for 6 weeks, and served the entire time. She wasn't fired for it. (But when she was fired, her bosses did have a lot of confidence that I could take over her job.)
At the court where I work, we give a little certificate of merit, signed by the Chief Judge, to each grand juror, as thanks for their service. It's sort of a consolation prize...SUCKAS!!11!
On a completely unrelated note, the PBS special on Hamilton has been good.
per LB's recommendation, he is absolutely LOVING the Little House books
Oh gosh -- just a warning that there is violence against mice in one of the later books. It might be The Long Winter or Little Town on the Prairie. I can't remember. Pa wakes up in the middle of the night to find a mouse gnawing on his hair. I think he throws it against the wall or something. And then later there is a kitten-vs.-mouse fight. Anyway, in case you're not pre-reading so you can prepare PK....
Becks, it is entirely possible that you will not actually be selected to serve at any point. You might just have to show up and be told "We don't need no steeeenkin' grand jurors!" and just be late to work. I don't know if they do screening before the testimony, but if so, there might be an opportunity to be dismissed then.
In any event, marshal all the facts about your work situation, send them in to the appropriate people and hope for the best.
Good luck. I am surprised they don't at least have a phone-in situation where you check to see if your group is to show up.
When they call your name, stand up and scream KOBE! That should do it.
97: PBS didn't even interview me for it. Bastards.
"Judge, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL."
I went, hoping I would not be drawn. I was the first person asked to sit in the box. I answered truthfully all the questions, including my general opinion that the drugs laws should be changed. They didn't challenge me. I ended up being the foreman.
(Petit jury.)
The guy in the draw who got excused insisted, adamantly, that he was incapable of disbelieving an officer of the law. It was embarrassing, but it got him off.
If you want to throw grenades in order to get out, you should talk about your profound belief in the right to jury nullification, preferably in a big room full of potential jurors.
My grandmother once got off when she insisted---truthfully, I'm afraid---that she couldn't trust a man with long hair.
The one time I was called for jury duty I was close enough to hear half of my fellow citizen avow that they were racists who always believed cops.
What does Kobe scream to get out of jury duty? Dirk?
I would think "Who wants to sex Motombo?" would work even better.
Every time you people start up with the sexing Motombo stuff my brain starts humming Waltzing Matilda. Knock it off already.
85: Do you have a laptop? I had to show for jury duty a couple of months ago; turns out, AT&T appears to have a deal with the state, so there was WiFi in the jury room. $8/day, but it was worth it.
I have a laptop. The site says there are seven modems that can be fought over but Smasher said he remembered wi-fi.
Carlin: "Tell the judge you'll make a great juror, 'cause you can spot guilty people just like that! *snap fingers*"
Oh, man an Asian fetish thread and nobody told me about it. Jeez, guys, thanks a lot.
#4: Mail order brides drown easily, in my experience.
You have to let them out of the shipping crate.
Every time you people start up with the sexing Motombo stuff my brain starts humming Waltzing Matilda.
Funny!
105 is so right.
A question for the lawyers in the house. I understand (meaning I understand to be the case, not that I understand the rationale) that judges aren't allowed to instruct jurors about jury nullification, which already seems like lying by omission to me. But what if, having been instructed, one of the jurors asked the judge about this jury nullification thing he'd heard about? Would the judge have to actively lie about to the juror?
Ben, the judge would likely toss the jury, declare a mistrial and start over. Jury nullification isn't a legal doctrine; it's a artifact of our jury system that jurors can if they want simply ignore the law and the instructions given by the judge and reach any result they want. (They aren't *legally* allowed to do so -- not that it's illegal, just again that's it's not a strictly within their legal prerogative -- but there's no way to stop them if we're not going to second guess jury decisions.) What exactly would you want the judge to tell the jury?
Once deliberations have started, juror questions are presented by the judge to the parties' attorneys, in open court, with the jury still in the jury room. Then the answer is discussed on the record. The parties aren't going to agree that an answer be given that includes nullification -- I would guess that the judge would instruct the jury to review and follow his/her instructions.
And Becks, if they ask you to indict a ham sandwich, don't do it. They're just trying to prove how powerless you are.
What exactly would you want the judge to tell the jury?
Something like this.
The concept of a runaway grand jury sounds intriguing. Exactly how much shit could I stir up if I wanted? Can I make them go after Karl Rove? If I'm stuck there for six weeks, I'm going to make it worth my time.
116: Jury instructions are an incredibly frustrating area in general but I think it's defensible not to give instructions on jury nullification. A jury probably knows that they can chose to refuse to convict if they want to, w/o any adverse consequences to themselves. An instruction might convince them they had legal authorization to decide whether or not they want to apply the law as written, which isn't really true.
I'm more bothered by, e.g., juries not being told that a murder defendant will definitely be committed & not let out on the street if they find him not guilty by reason of insanity.
121: why not ask the judge?
So my law school friend who abandoned me to vicious waters of craigslist claimed that jury nullification isn't just a byproduct of not questioning juries' decisions but a positive outgrowth of the desire to maintain some autonomy against foreign legislatures (though this isn't the picture laid out in the introductory material to the paper slol linked). If that were so, then there would really be something for the judge to tell the jurors; if, on the other hand, it is merely a potentiality opened up by the way the jury system happens to work, there wouldn't be.
Also: I should report for duty in Spencer's "Stop Snitching" hoodie.
98: Dear god, thank you for the warning! Tonight we had a hissy because Laura was forced to give up the beads she found at the Indian camp to Baby Carrie, which is COMPLETELY UNFAIR!!!
I was pleased, though, to find out that the doctor who cured their malaria was a black Indian, given how much editing on the fly I've had to do while reading about the "savage" Indians. Sigh.
123 -- We don't convict people of violating foreign criminal laws. Not usually, anyway.
Civil cases often involve law other than that of the forum, but jurors wouldn't ever know this. I had a recent Maryland case where the contract claim was governed by Virginia law, and the tort claims by Maryland law. The judge just instructed them on the elements and standards. No one cares if they know what went into the making of the standards. You'd do it the same way if a claim was governed by Lebanese law.
(Real life example: an American living in Lebanon is kidnapped by Hezbollah and held hostage; after release and return to the US, he sues Iran for its role in the thing: what law applies to Iran's conduct?)
I was semi-serious about 121. Not Rove, perhaps, but how much leeway does a grand jury have to do whatever the hell they want? If we wanted to abuse our position of power, what could we do?
123 -- We don't convict people of violating foreign criminal laws. Not usually, anyway.
Yes, but we used to be a British colony.
128 -- I don't think you get much choice. The prosecutors present you with evidence and ask you to indict. You can say no.
I recall that some of the grand jurors adopted a protective attitude towards Monica Lewinsky: they definitely asked her questions. I suppose you can do this as well.
You won't get to pick targets, though.
129 -- Sure, and that's why the Crown created the admiralty courts.
I think, though, that nullification existed long before the colonial troubles.
Bushell's Case, 124 Eng. Rep. 1006 (1670).
Will they just decide to bump me from my current project since they're looking to reduce staff? I wouldn't get laid off but I might get reassigned to bumfuck Iowa. And, even if I didn't, there goes all of my vacation for the rest of the year. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Wait a minute. If you get called up for jury service, your employer can fire you? Or make you take it as vacation time?
You need a union. Jury service should count like National Guard service - protected under law.
Becks, I grew up in bumfuck Iowa. It's lovely. You'll enjoy it.
Hey, Will.
Becks, a co-worker just did a stint on a grand jury here in New York. She said they were quite limited in what they could do; it seemed they couldn't even ask the witnesses questions. She was quite frustrated by a couple of retired people on the jury who wanted to probe every detail of the cases presented while she just wanted to vote for an indictment and get out of there.
You lucky duck. I've ALWAYS wanted to serve on a jury. Any kind of a jury. For any type of case. Ever since I was a kid.
For about a decade and a half after I got married and settled down, I found a jury duty summons in my mailbox every other year. Like clockwork. And never for anything local. I always had to drive all the way downtown, but that was okay, because I really wanted to be on a jury.
But I never got picked. Never even got close. Sometimes they'd send me home almost as soon as I got there. Other times I'd have to sit around all day. Only once did my group actually go into a courtroom, but they filled their needs long before they got to me.
Then I got the big summons. Grand Jury. This is it, I thought. They've been saving me up for this. I always wanted to lead a runway grand jury. I started planning to indict the governor.
Alas, I got no closer to a spot on the GJ than I did on any other jury. And that straw broke the camel's back. After that, each jury duty summons had "moved, no forwarding address" written on it. So they'd cancel my voter registration, and I'd have to register all over again.
After the 2000 election, I became completely discouraged with the system, and I no longer vote. The last time I got a jury duty summons, I just tossed it in the trash. The fundamental promises of America are all lies. There's nothing worth believing in anymore. Fuck the system.
I was on a petit jury in DC a few years ago. It was great. Just a three-day personal-injury case, but when you took it seriously it became quite thrilling to try to figure out what had happened using the conflicting testimony and evidence. I was left with that clean, fresh, civic-duty glow. Luckily, I had an undemanding and boring job at the time; jury duty was a huge improvement.
OH SWEET JESUS PRAISE THE LORD.
I just called up and begged and pleaded and begged some more and talked my way down to petit jury.
138: Sweet! It was "Iowa" that did it, wasn't it?
I just served on my first jury (petit) this spring and it was an interesting and worthwhile experience.
It did, however, create a long running argument with one of my friends who is convinced that the judgement my jury came to (which I supported) was horrible and wrong.
That has been less fun.
Congrats, Becks. I think it's much easier not to be chosen for an actual petit jury than a grand jury. (One guy in the jury pool for the case I was on was actually reading a white paper on tort reform during the voire dire for the personal injury case. If he wasn't a Cato type, he sure had the look, and it totally got his ass sent home.)