Look out, Emma Watson, here he comes!
"the flamewar of our love began over heels and makeup..."
stir up passions you never knew what you had
Indeed.
so stir up some controversy by telling him when you disagree with a post.
But which post? If you choose the wrong one, all might be lost.
And when you meet him at the mall, you'll find out he's older than your dad!
On the next "to catch a predator: blogger edition"...
Now we see what Labs has been up to with Althouse all along, I guess.
And when you meet him at the mall, you'll find out he's older than your dad!
That is sooo hott! Like [Insert May actress] and [Insert Late December actor]!
So, you guys really think I should be hitting on teenagers?
Depending on the average amount of time it takes you to close, pre-teens, even!
No, teenagers should be hitting on you. Just make it clear that you're a blogger when you walk around.
Just make it clear that you're a blogger when you walk around.
But how do you do that? Ostentatiously post from your phone?
so stir up some controversy by telling him when you disagree with a post.
Isn't this basically what Sandals did? We all know that turned out.
Due to their generous state-run health care, Swedes often appear to be half their actual age. So it's okay; they just look like teens.
There's a middle school across the street from work; I wonder what Emerson is up to this week.
Ogged already has The Blogger shoulder bag, right?
22: OK, I don't know what I expected, but these are just so... obvious. I mean, amusement park? Walk on the beach?
I like the 13 yr old who suggests bike riding, as it precludes "mushy moments." Ride on, girlfriend.
Sadly, many of the girls in 22 sound exactly like Ogged's type: outdoorsy, active, not terribly girly, willing to laugh at old men in Speedos.
But do they want to date old men in Speedos?
Are the old men willing to be laughed at? And go for long walks on the beach? And take girls out to restaurants with patios? Those are so romantic.
wait, that 13 yr old is perfect: they can fight about Critical Mass, then she can never email him again.
Time for me to rename my blog to "Jailbait Magnet."
Is there a generally accepted age range for "cougars"? (And is the "c" supposed to capitalized?) Because I think that's the direction ogged out to head, unless he's already cougar-aged.
Cougars are women. Like me. Men are just dirty old men.
Tim, I think Ogged is pretty much cougar-aged. Thus Ogged hitting on cougars would be him talking up some similar-aged woman who's annoyed that she's kept from the frat dudes she came to the campus bar for.
cougars
Dude, my co-worker wanted me to take one of her friends to our company dinner. "What's the matter, ogged, don't you like cougars?" And then at the dinner, every now and again her husband would make a "rrowr!" sound.
Tim's not quite cougar aged yet, but he's close enough that he can't date us.
Ack, I mean Ogged. Fuck. I obviously need to take more decongestants.
Sweet. One of my friends is married to a woman he met when one of his buddies said, "ok, what bar do we go to for hot divorcees?"
I thought "Tim dating us" was like a "the priest married us." Somehow Tim would be the officiant (?) at the long-awaited O-B date.
Surely not all the hot young moms at the pool are in happy marriages. I swim, and wait.
wait, that 13 yr old is perfect: they can fight about Critical Mass, then she can never email him again.
To save time, I think we can just all agree that the 13 yr old counts as one of Ogged's failed dates.
38: Watch for kids who look a little emotionally unstable. "Things a little rough at home, Jimmy? Maybe I could talk to your mom for you."
Surely not all the hot young moms at the pool are in happy marriages. I swim, and wait.
Is that Tolstoy?
Alternatively:
I swim, and wait.
And wait.
And Wait.
&c.
Fuck. I obviously need to take more decongestants.
More cougar, less goober.
Good thing Ogged knows how to tread water.
Ack, I mean Ogged. Fuck. I obviously need to take more decongestants.
I've got to say, congestion of the keyboard seems rather serious.
the long-awaited O-B date.
That's "O-B-D-A-T-E".
So Anja in 22 is still reading Seventeen at age 20? Don't most young women graduate to Cosmo by then?
So Anja in 22 is still reading Seventeen at age 20? Don't most young women graduate to Cosmo by then?
Well, since 17 is really for 14 yr olds, and I would guess that most 17 yr olds are already on Cosmo, Anja may be ready for Cougar World. Maybe B could send her a gift subscription?
14,15: You just need to wear blogger-appropriate clothing.
I don't know if many 22 year old women want a magazine full of tips on how to get much younger men.
Save a tree, go to the site for the urban cougar
51: I'm pretty sure it's mostly "walks on the beach," "hikes through the woods," &c. Most of the difference between the mags is in cover art (slightly more- or less-slutty pose by Lindsay Lohan) and target demo of advertisers.
Or so I'm given to understand.
So I had to go look up cougar, and I learned from the wikipedia page on which it is located that chickenhawk, in addition to meaning "a war hawk who does not fight," can also refer to a much older gay man who 'preys' on younger males."
Maybe you all already knew this, but it was new to me.
54: I learned that from a magazine interview with Kurt Cobain, who said he considered making money from chickenhawks, but hadn't the nerve.
It does make "Dick Cheney, chickenhawk" an even more amusing thought.
56: OK, I'll get out my gay slang textbooks tonight and study up before posting here again.
54: I think "chickenhawk" as older gay "predator" much predates its political usage. I first heard that the former usage in the late Fifties and have to re-translate every time I hear it in its current meaning.
58. For a crash course, email your phone number to Labs on a Friday night. (of course you have text messeging?)
Anyway, it's time to turn the deadly power of Tinky Winky, no matter if hawk or chicken, against Poland.
Often toothless bloggers old enough to be your grandfather have what it takes to "stir up passions you never knew what you had". You'll find that they are far from prejudiced against the barely legal.
Caetano Veloso's agent must have paid money to get him featured in Wikipedia. I like his music, but he's a pretty obscure guy to use as your only example.
Lots of unconscious humor:
"For example, while a seven-year difference might be considered unacceptable (even illegal in some places) between a 22-year-old and a 15-year-old, it is less remarkable between a 30-year-old and a 23-year-old, and generally unnoticed completely between a 58-year-old and a 51-year-old."
Well, duh.
The attempt to attain nonjudgmental neutrality while reporting derogatory slang terms is also funny.
That Wikipedia page is ridiculous. It doesn't cite a bit of evidence on the actual demography of age-differences, but of course there's the inevitable bit of evo-psych handwaving and 18th-century style neologisms for any number of grades of attraction across age difference. Rubbish.
"Bloggers love having an audience almost as much as they like a battle of wits, so stir up some controversy by telling him when you disagree with a post."
This post is gibberish, Becks. No one would follow Seventeen's tips for how to date a blogger.
Careful, Petey.
"Matt F/cke's back, and you're gonna be in trouble...."
65: Well, the silly little bitches are just out of luck then, I guess.
The attempt to attain nonjudgmental neutrality while reporting derogatory slang terms is also funny
I loved how the page explained that "bobcat" might be offensive, without noting the same for "cougar" etc.
However, I think that a 7-year difference between a 107-year-old and a 100-year-old would attract a lot of attention.
I think that any difference but a 7-year difference between a 107-year-old and a 100-year-old would attract much more attention.
It's pretty easy to lose count when you get up there.
No one would follow Seventeen's tips
Nonsense. How do you think d/e/n/ /B/e/s/t/e and I got together?
Yeah, but everyone thinks it's hot when gigantic white guys dress up as little Japanese girls.
In other news, Giuliani prepares to swallow a mammal.
I think we can just all agree that the 13 yr old counts as one of Ogged's failed dates.
If Ogged has a certain number of failed dates, does he get to redeem them for a real one?
What is unreal about a failed date? Is there anything more real?
So anyway, if I want to buy a poster of a semi-famous painting, what web-based poster/print store should I patronize?
I see that a painting which has a very prominent place at the Art Institute of Chicago is not among the 143 potential Ingres posters at allposters.com. Oh, how discerning my tastes must be!
Once ogged enters the code, he and teofilo will get laid, the War on Terror will end, bacon and petroleum distillate will be notably inexpensive, dolphins everywhere will go down on unicorns—and unicorns only; they're not gay, yo—, and Labs will bed w-lfs-n. It has been written.
Bed w-lfs-n? Is this code in your nose?
Dude, Wrongshore, it has been written. It's out of our hands. Like the Creation Museum. It's accepted wisdom. Get wise.
77: I guess by a "real" date I mean one that actually goes somewhere.
There's a reason I've done very little formal dating.
Once ogged enters the code, he and teofilo will get laid
It suddenly occurs to me that there's a simple solution to two problems.
85. I'm not sure either of them are down for a threesome, B.
"Nintendo party! I'll show you my eight bits, you show me yours."
'Either of them is.' Otherwise, funny.
86: A threesome would be a complex solution. Think simpler.
