I don't get worrying abour your trousersnake. Hardly anyone sees it, and if they do, they're going to lie to you anyway if theres a problem.
Hardly anyone sees it
I can tell you're an introvert.
Heh, it took me a while to get over being startled by PK's parts when I had to change his diaper.
I'm not counting the hours i'm blacked out.
My parents have a picture of me peeing on my dad's tie as he's changing me before work.
I was unaware that most porn consumed by Brits is German in origin.
the ignopedia entry on n. cage (printed below the brooker article) was also very funny.
Brooker was the guy that the right-wing US media were going on about after he wrote a column allegedly calling for the assassination of GW Bush.
The best part of the article:
To assist worried readers, the Sun thoughtfully accompanied the article with a "Pecker Checker" - a graphic of an actual-size ruler with the "average zone" clearly labelled.
would it have been acceptable if he had called for bush to be allegedly assassinated?
actually, the funniest bit was an exchange in the comments:
"It's all very well giving the average length and girth but where do I measure it from?"
"Kings Lynn."
which, if you've ever been to King's Lynn....
And a direct link to the picture just to spite The Sun for being little bitches who disabled the left-click with JavaScript.
I don't know how I'm going to get that pecker-checker up inside me, but I sure hope it comes back negative.
The Pecker Checker isn't sized to check girth, though. I would think that dimension would be important as well.
15 - Cut it out and wrap it around. It doesn't have the "average zone" helpfully labeled but you should be able to figure it out.
Cut it out and wrap it around.
If you put a half-twist in it, you can determine if you have a moebius pecker.
The most important dimension is one of the several invisible dimensions that string theory predicts.
I tried using that thing but I can't get the monitor all the way over to the edge of my desk. Not to mention that the ruler would start at one edge of the screen for it to be useful.
Trouble with girls is that the puddle of pee can spread up to their shoulders before you notice it. Or perhaps I'm just not very good at this. Boys are much easier to clean (once the shock of seeing a penis inside the nappy has been overcome).
Anyway, more baby-blogging please!
Liveblogging from a bar with Lemieux: New Guy is officially the first not to apologize for penis size. W00t!
I'm expecting 24 to be followed by "Ironically, he's also the first with no detectable penis."
24: really? I can't imagine doing that, even if I had reason to. Apologizing for the open sores, sure, but that's different.
Boys are much easier to clean
I know this to be true, and I don't even have boys. On the plus side, girls generally pass through the diaper stage earlier than boys; the day that Siobhan, barely two, announced that she wanted to use the potty was one of the greatest days of my life.
24: Seriously? The first?
24: Seriously? The first?
Isn't "this is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me" just good gentlemanly manners?
I have never had a man apologize for the size of his penis. ... Okay, a friend (with whom I've never slept!) once obsessed about it to me when he was very drunk.
28: ah, yes, that's how you phrase that joke. I'd been pondering.
"the average erect penis was 5.5ins to 6.2ins long and 4.7ins to 5.1ins in girth"
Doesn't this make the average penis roughly spherical?
foolishmortal, that's answered on standpipe's other blog.
Boys are much easier to clean
I know this to be true, and I don't even have boys.
Huh. And here I was, just today, assuring a friend with a baby-girl-to-come that girls are easier to clean (cuzza the no-geyser feature). Turns out I was full of shit. Who knew THAT could happen?
Diameter, not circumference. It's very painful to measure the circumference directly.
hey, that second quote was supposed to be italicized too!?
Also, how did he become the first not to apologize? Was it the introductory line for the others? ("Hi, sorry I've got such a small penis. My name's Jim.") Or has he already waxed unapologetic? ("I'm three-and-a-quarter and proud!")
33: I didn't want to get into details, dude, but the geyser is so not the problem.
34: Did you get the joke backwards?
It's just one of the many ways men cower submissively before AWB. This new guy is the first who doesn't lay his coat over puddles for her too.
38 is correct. Here I was so close to finding a picture of a deep-shaft ampallang, too, on the premise that the joke had been told correctly.
I make all my students apologize on the first day of class, as an ice-breaker. Well, the male students. The female students are encouraged to practice a steely glare.
I did, and I don't even have a joke about getting the joke backwards.
AWB, could maybe recall a few of those apologies? This sounds like Mineshaft-Hall-of-Fame material.
41: I hadn't realized you taught comparative geometry.
Didn't we have a thread about an article in which the guys were all apologizing for having a small penis and being bad in bed? Lemme look...
44: Critical geometry. Smooth operators and real analysis.
47: You call that a thread? 23 comments? This thread has twice that and we haven't even gotten to the measuring contest.
That thread is full of nervous homosocial jokes. Awesome!
That was the good old days, Ned, before we all had our Indian manservants commenting for us.
36: Maybe he overestimated the illusion of size putatively conferred by waxing.
37: Thank you for avoiding the details, I believe I can imagine the problem. This is why childless men should mostly stfu on the subject of baby-management.
46: discontinuity and vector integration with the Bobbitt function.
52: One of my favorite topology seminars involved a grad student drawing a big long silo-looking thing on the chalkboard, and talking about it, and then violently cleaving the tip off to demonstrate how to achieve the theorem.
53: Mathematics is the castration of nature.
That's why the computer system is Eunuchs.
Boys are much easier to clean
Absolutely true. The occasional geyser is a minor problem by comparison.
48: Quality, not quantity, Ned. Or so I pray.
Just remember that Crisco doesn't work.
50--
indian manservants? i thought we were paying chinese gold-farmers to comment for us.
Also I love the name Girth Hammer Lointhump Brooker.
I sense that we're being baited. Perhaps w-lfs-n is running short of cock pictures.
61: ahh, the Crisco geyser. One of the hidden costs of parenting.
Crisco geyser
WORST SPRING WATER EVER
Peary, Eh! (made from genuine Canadian yellow snow)
Hey, that was comment #69. Huh huh huh.
Am I the only one less than impressed by this statistic?
Dr Kevan Wylie of the Royal Hallamshire hospital has recently overseen the completion of a 60-year study into penis size, during which 12,000 penises were "analysed" - an average of 200 penises a year. Assuming they took weekends off, that's 0.76 penises a day.
71: they should have made more breakfasts.
70, meet 56 -- there is a lot of forced laughter going on in this thread.
0.76 penises a day for 60 years is pretty good, Becks. Not everyone can keep up that torrid pace.
Yeah, Becks. Wait until you hit your thirties. .76 penises per day is pretty good. Though I guess the pros might have different standards.
I just feel so bad for that last .24 of a penis. It's like the Left Behind series for dongs.
During my hospital job I delivered several hundred brains, a few livers, a few buckets of semen, and no penises at all.
Becks's real name: Willamina Chamberlain.
Becks: Just Your Average 7 Foot Black Millionaire Who Posts to Unfogged.
If all we're talking about is measuring them, how long must that take? 15 minutes a day? And we're supposed to be awed that he does .76 a day? I'm unimpressed.
Becks, didn't you just see a bunch of doctors? How long did it take them to examine you? But how long were you in each office?
81 - It's still only an hour a week for him. More than that for his staff, sure. But I see your point - if it adds up to one or two billable hours a week, that's still a big hit for a doctor making, like, $700-1000/hour (which, according to my insurance statements, some of them they must be).
Yeah, but Wilt Chamberlain made more than $1000 an hour (in today's dollars) and he was barely able to keep up that pace.
Hm.. for many moons, we have waited for this penis thread, yet when it comes, the quality disappoints. Only learned-nice-ass and DJ-from-boston provide, and by the end, seven tens and six proves she has conquered this thread.
If you do a Technorati search for Unfogged, there's this:
Biggest Cock
Biggest Cock World's biggest cock drowns Ava as she struggles to handle the load ... made by Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff. ...biggest cock ever. unfogged. two naked men together. "abu ghraib
6 days ago in giant cocks
But if you try to visit the site:
This blog is under review due to possible Blogger Terms of Service violations and is open to authors only
giant cocks
Hrm. I always found girls easier to clean when changing diapers due to the absence of dangly bits that have to be wiped -- boys seem to have more area that needs cleaning. I'd guess that whichever your oldest kid is seems easier, because that what you learned on.
"Hrm. I always found girls easier to clean when changing diapers due to the absence of dangly bits that have to be wiped -- boys seem to have more area that needs cleaning. I'd guess that whichever your oldest kid is seems easier, because that what you learned on."
Two thoughts:
1. My son wiggled more than my daughter so it was easier to wipe her. But she makes up for it bc I frequently still have to wipe her butt.
2. LB is becoming old and boring like me to want to discuss this topic.
New Guy is officially the first not to apologize for penis size.
"On behalf of my wang, let me extend my apologies ..."
"On behalf of my apologies, let me extend my wang..."
18/19: So you do you have to find a Klien box in that case?
93: That's very one-sided of you.
what 95 said.
and 94, hard not to be if you had a moebius pecker
I make all my students apologize on the first day of class, as an ice-breaker. Well, the male students. The female students are encouraged to practice a steely glare.
This comment has not been given the attention it deserves. Is everyone humor-impaired today?
43, etc.: I think we've talked about this phenomenon here somewhere, but I forget what thread (maybe it was an Unfogged meetup conversation?). A considerable majority of the dudes I've slept with, despite being perfectly respectably equipped, have apologized for their size before having sex the first time. I have no idea why, as it seems to have nothing to do with my corresponding parts, which they, at that point, have not much experience with. And I've asked as many women as I can whether dudes have ever said something like that to them, and learned that, no, this has never happened to anyone else, like, ever.
I have no idea why this happens. I am not some kind of size queen, and there's no common topic of conversation that seems to precede these apologies. It usually goes: sudden making out, mild groping, statement of purpose, "Sorry there's, uh, not much to work with here."
Found it. I knew we'd talked about it before. In fact, that was the thread that made me realize I'm the only person this happens to and began my research into other whether other women experience this or not.
Hrm. I always found girls easier to clean when changing diapers due to the absence of dangly bits that have to be wiped -- boys seem to have more area that needs cleaning. I'd guess that whichever your oldest kid is seems easier, because that what you learned on.
Nah - three girls, one boy (#3). The lack of crevices was the major advantage to my mind. Larger area perhaps, but all smooth(ish) and visible.
Also, I have never been apologised to. I think I should have had warning for at least two, if not apologies.
Perhaps the psychos you fancy all really do have tiny thingies. Maybe that's why they're psycho. Have you measured them? Are the usually bigger than your little finger? Thumb?
The only time I've had a guy "apologize" for size, he was really just expressing chagrine. We were in an adult novelty store, and any man would feel inadequate compared to the neon-colored, amply-veined, massive dildos they carry in those places. I consoled him by saying "It's okay, baby. The Donkey Dong Jr. here costs $80, but yours is free."
Apologies if this has been raised above, but has anyone ever had a woman apologize in analogous ways, or seem to be trying to lower expectations about some body parts?
103: Oddly enough, I've had women apologize in advance for being tight. "It's been a long time" being the explanation.
When you look at the legendary very-large-penised animals, it doesn't seem to be anything to brag about: tapirs, Argentinian ducks, and some kind of flea.
And, of course, the enormous-cocked Fontana Labs.
Although, strangely, it took my about three tries not to type "Fantana Labs"...
I think that if I found myself in bed for the first time with a guy who actually *did* have a disappointingly wee penis, hearing him apologize for it would be exactly what it'd take to move the situation from disappointing to boner-losingly uncomfortable.
107: I believe his porn screen name is "Fantasia Labs."
108: Is that better than boner-losingly comfortable?
The Fantana labs have been doing some amazing work lately.
Also, I have known a woman to apologize, or at least to point it out apologetically, when she had been wearing a padded bra.
111--
proving once again that the opposite sexes have *no* idea what the other wants.
proving once again that the opposite sexes have *no* idea what the other wants.
104 a better demonstration of that than 111. Lot of guys really are into big tits, while you'd be hard pressed to find many guys who'd complain that a woman was too tight.
you'd be hard pressed to find many guys who'd complain that a woman was too tight.
It can happen...chronic tenseness/contraction of muscles...or dealing with an enormous penis like apo's or mine...
I've been with several girls who apologized for the smallness of their breasts. I really didn't find it that much of a turn-off, to be honest (either the smallness or the apology).
111: It's somehow fitting that that page is "taking too long to respond".
113: Now I'm pissed because I know there's a "slips through the crack" I could make if only I tried hard enough...
I've been with several girls who apologized for the smallness of their breasts. I really didn't find it that much of a turn-off, to be honest (either the smallness or the apology)
Agreed. Another dreary datum for the asymetrical importance of "confidence."
