1: see, that's the whole gimmick. w-lfs-n's addressing the fundamental nature of meta-commentary. What does it mean, really, to disseminate a copy of a cover. Do all of our heads not already have holes?
I was just trying to trick you into thinking I was being clever.
Increasingly Becks-style, I am eager to hijack this thread, yet everyone has gone to bed.
Bored, I rhyme.
(And by "everybody" I mean ST, obviously.)
(Assuming he's still here, of course.)
I don't, actually. Jewish, you know.
Oh!
Do you like shrimp pizza?
Oh.
Oh, damn.
Aha! I have an idea. Teo, I will get you laid. Let's run this.
I don't really keep kosher; I just never developed a taste for ham. I like bacon, though. In fact, for lunch today I had a delicious bacon hamburger. If you're ever in Ozona, Texas, I highly recommend the Cafe Next Door.
17: You know, I've never seen that movie. I hear it takes place in Santa Fe.
Step two. Get your actual size! None of this baggy-ass nonsense. Ask AWB.
Oh man I love bacon so much.
I have a bacon air freshener in my car. I made a time machine called the "Baconator."
One year, for Halloween, I dressed as the Chinese god of pork products, a costume which included many, many pieces of bacon.
Bacon is life.
19: the funny thing about that movie is that the seduction strategy in it, unlike (say) the double-your-dating douchebags, is completely effective.
Of course, the art of picking up women can be summed up in one three-word sentence. I will reveal this to you if you keep talking to me.
20: My recent t-shirt purchases have indeed been medium rather than large or (shudder) extra large. In my defense, my mom bought the XL one.
22: I used to have a beard. I got sick of it after a while.
Of course, the art of picking up women can be summed up in one three-word sentence. I will reveal this to you if you keep talking to me.
I will keep talking to you all night if you want. I'm on Unfogged time now.
"I'm on Unfogged time now."
Mountain?
Now I feel like it's going to be an anticlimax when I actually reveal the big secret.
26: I feel that. I hate beards. College girls love 'em, though. I know this sounds reductive but it is, from recent experience, literally true.
Possibly not those kinds of beards, though.
OK.
The secret in three words: "have self-confidence."
DAMMIT!
Sifu!
That's no answer at all!
I don't actually care that much about the secret, but everyone else seems to have gone to bed so I might as well talk to you.
33 was composed before 32 posted, but it's still true.
"I don't actually care that much about the secret"
It isn't that much of a secret.
Also, I'm not sure I can really be that much of a mentor to you on, like, anything, since (a) I am in my thirties, (b) in college, and (c) single.
So, technically, it might be for the best to ignore any advice I give you.
hate beards. College girls love 'em, though.
Stuff and nonsense.
36: I'd like to think so, but not so far. Really, if you can convince me to shave this stupid fucking thing off my face I will. I hate it.
Hi, teo.
Sifu, if you hate the beard, shave the goddamn thing. Talk about lacking confidence.
If Trent Reznor is not pwned by this than either Trent Reznor is a silly name or being pwned is a silly operation.
Also, yay, B! I was in your neighborhood t'other weekend, but not for long. Next time!
Also, non-imaginary friends are here, so screw you guys.
Hey, teo. How are your parents?
41: Boo Tweety. Anyway, I'm off to bed.
42: They're quite well. My dad's on a new treatment regimen that's a different ratio of some drugs he was on before, and it seems to be working very well; he has much more energy than the last time I saw him and seems to be in pretty good spirits.
That's great. My best to you both.
Off to bed myself.
46 looks slightly less obnoxious with the knowledge that it was written before I saw 45. Still, y'all are lame.
I thought you went off to play with your non-imaginary friends.
39: did I say I was actually living out my advice? Plus, my double-chin is a disaster. And I need to get laid, thanks.
49: I missed you guys. But they're outside now, so brb.
BRB?!? So banned.
TEO!
TEO!
I miss you, man.
I got negged from this game of foosball, and now I'm back.
My god, I'm a manipulative bastard.
TEO! Don't trust me.
Teofilo: All dating advice at Unfogged is malivcious and intended to make your life a living hell. Only my anti-dating advice is well-intended and altruistic.
Everyone else: Teofilo is really a 43-year-old government-certified perv whose intentions are more than suspect.
Devo's cover: interesting, but not as good as the original. There, I said it.
I've had and shaved off my beard countless times since I was a freshman in college. I've not noticed it making any difference in my success rate. Maybe you should grow one of these beards, teo. But you'd need to make that face all the time, too.
And get you a leathery, cadaverous wingman, but then that goes without saying.
I have Devo's cover of "Head Like a Hole" on my hard drive too, and I suspect I got it from the same place w-lfs-n did.
55: That's great. There's a Zoolander in every slide.
There's a Zoolander in every slide
These four are the winners. Though I have to give an honorable mention to this one.
Can you imagine what the collective bill for self-tanning products must be in that place?
The girls are both trying to turn their lips inside out. Some day they'll be able to afford Restylane. Also, those honorable mention guys have all had their eyebrows done. Wax, I bet. No man is man enough to do his eyebrows with tweezers.
Those eyebrows freak me out. There's something just so wrong about it.
[I do mine with tweezers, when I can be bothered]
Mark Mothersbaugh tried to pick up my wife at some great big punk gathering once. "Love or money, H.," said the big punk host. "Love or money." She stuck with me, until she didn't.
I suspect I got it from the same place w-lfs-n did.
Audiogalaxy?
55: Nobody should grow that beard. All it can say is `I didn't quite have the guts to get "tool" tattooed on my forehead'
Audiogalaxy?
Nope. Seems my suspicion was wrong.
