I hereby declare my love of old (over 70) guys.

Maybe it was your deodorant.

I hearby declare my love of deodorant on balls.

You sure it was deo, not some stick-applicated version of Gold Bond or chammy butter or something?

Or even antiperspirant.

No, I'm not sure about what it was. It was in regular deodorant/anti-perspirant stick form.

1: SCMT keeps circling in on that gateway gay, doesn't he?

Obviously he has a problem with sweaty, stinky balls.

Do splits if you're Sure!

Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.

Are you sure it wasn't this?

It was kinda that color, Becks!

Strong enough for a man's balls, but pH balanced for a woman's.

If it wasn't what Becks mentions in 10, it was probably this.

Maybe his balls hang low and chafe when they rub up against his legs so he uses that to prevent it. Not that I wanted to think about the logistics too much but it could be an explanation.

It wasn't one of these, was it?

Ogged, did you notice if he had low-hanging balls?

Relatedly, did they wobble to and fro?

Did he tie them in a knot?

Great, the Word of God has been bumped by a post about old dudes' balls.

Also: *before* his workout?

Also: *before* his workout?

That was the weird thing, but Becks' explanation makes sense.

I take it that the locker room abuts a gym as well as a pool?

I surprise even myself by my vast knowledge of the random sometimes.

Yes, JM, there is a gym in the same building.

Also, imagine the years this guy endured before he found the right product to solve his problem. I mean, for him to be rolling something onto his balls in a public place, this must be very important to him. The years of hardship!

Chafing is no joke.

Verily, this blog is so helpful sometimes. I had no idea such a product existed, but it's just what I need (for my breasts, not my balls).

And! I've sometimes wished I knew what the Quran really said about this or that, but had no idea what's a good English version.

Thanks, unfogged!

From heat [sic] to toe, BodyGlide arrests friction and creates a smooth, non-oily protection barrier. It helps prevent blisters, chafing, dry skin, saddles ores, cracked skin and rash. Use it everywhere - for hands, feet, upper body, inner thighs, under arms, shoulders and chest (nipples)."

27: I keep some in my cubicle.

For what it's worth:

My lady-friend does vet tech work on the side to earn a little money. Apparently, it's common practice (in some vet clinics) to use deodorant on a dog's balls before neutering. (Or after shaving them? I'm not really sure what the exact reason is -- they just do it, okay?)

She learned this the hard way -- by seeing another vet tech, after shaving some particular balls, grab my special lady's deodorant from her personal locker to use for slathering purposes.

(When asked, "what the fuck?" the other tech replied, "Oh, sorry, I thought that was the Public Use deodorant.")

So, Ogged ... maybe the guy was about to neuter himself.

I hate to be naive, but what does he do in the gym that involves ball-chafing? Shouldn't he be wearing supportive undergarments?

Riding the stationary bicycle might chafe one's balls a bit, I imagine.

I have this anti-friction foot lotion that I bought in Europe that is my favorite thing ever -- it really prevents blisters, even in the face of my predilection for wearing strappy sandals and walking a lot. This has seriously improved my quality of life. It never occurred to me to use Bodyglide for the same purpose, but it seems like it would work. Neat. How does the stuff smell?

Oh, you know what else I see at the pool? Women with six-pack abs who have walking-but-not-yet-talking children. What's up with that? Are these lounging at the pool at midday women so rich that they just pay other people to carry the child to term?

31: there's something rather endearing about a woman gamely trying to figure out what activity at a gym might chafe a guy's balls.

"Well, I'm no expert, but I think this right here might be your problem."

27: I keep some in my cubicle.

Ok good. I'll remember that.

Antiperspirant works well after shaving... Somehow, it reduces ingrown hairs. Chamois cream is almost a necessity if you're a fella who's hardcore into spinning. Especially if you're wearing the wrong gear.

Both are not a good idea if you'll be teabagging anyone later on.

This post about butter and balls is brought to you by my excitement pour le Tour.

Putting it on the balls might be ancillary to putting it on the inner thighs, which for me chafe during running or elliptical or bike exercise no matter what kind of underwear is in place.

35: Well, I tell people that, then they stop bothering me.

Do you wear a supporter, Ned?

Is "spinning" some sort of physical activity?

Is "girl27" a guy?

Sorry Labs, I think 36 was already TMI.

Maybe Ned just has massive thighs that rub against each other.

Women with six-pack abs who have walking-but-not-yet-talking children. What's up with that?

Come on now, how long does it take to regain one's six-pack abs after giving birth?

Actually, I had a friend who was drinking Slim-Fast (as a substitute for meals) in the last months of her pregnancy, against all our advice. Kid came out fine, but.

37: The name's 27. Girl27.

39: Spinning is stationary biking on crack.

33: Probably cosmetic cesarean section.

Another Vegas story that I'll share against my better judgement:

When we went out on Friday, I was wearing heels and E. was making fun of me for how much I was limping in them. When we got back to the hotel, I admitted that my limping wasn't (entirely) because my feet hurt but because I'd worn some ill-advised underwear when we were out exploring the city earlier in the heat of the day and had some chafing in a very delicate place. She laughed and said that we should come up with a code word that we could say in public in case that became a problem again. She went into the bathroom and ran out yelling "KELLY CLARKSON!!" and I was like "what?" and she yelled "KELLY CLARKSON!! That will be our code word!" I gave her a puzzled look and she said "like in the 40 Year Old Virgin!" So that was our safecode word for the rest of the weekend. Fortunately, I didn't have any more problems after a good night's sleep but would periodically smirk and ask "how's Kelly?" all weekend to make sure I was OK.

46: Fishnets and (an adorable little vintage dress) and a long walk in July lead to profound chafing. Only my surprising Byzantine stoicism kept me on my feet for the last mile. On my feet but walking really funny.

Oh yes, fishnets can be very bad. Especially the durable kind you get in dancewear stores, but the non-durable kind are almost as bad and of course fray instantly.

The only person I've ever seen actually wearing fishnets was a middle-aged German cardiologist.

Yeah, and the ones you get at dancewear stores are nothing compared to the fishnets you get at the baitshop.

Least, that's what all the dolphins say.

I have two pairs of fishnets, one which is black and very soft and the other which is silver and pretty much evilly abrasive.

Both are kinda fun to wear.

32: I have this anti-friction foot lotion that I bought in Europe that is my favorite thing ever

I need this! There are almost no shoes I can wear w/o socks. But doesn't it make your feet all slippery and gross?

Solving your fishnet problems, right there.

And fyi, Ogged, I wore those in Davis. You can ask around if you don't believe me (assuming people were bothering to notice my garb as well as my brilliant repartee).

32: What IS it? Do tell! I can't walk three inches in FLATS without getting blisters. I would live in flip flops if it didn't get so damned cold here in Pennsyltucky.

But I'll agree with 52 when I say that I hope that it's not, uh, foot lube?

It's called Pedi-Relax. It is slippery right at first but you rub it in, and then it soaks in/dries and is normal. I am usually not patient enough to wait for it to finish soaking in all the before I put my shoes on, but I don't think it takes more than a minute or two.

I believe it lowers your friction mainly via silicone (or, apparently, cyclomethicone), so that's not greasy, and glycerin, which is like corn husker's lotion, also not greasy.

"INGREDIENTS: ... Squalane"

Cool!

So do you develop sissy feet if you use this stuff in order to wear shoes you otherwise shouldn't be wearing?

(Don't ask.)

I remember when a story about someone deoderizing his balls wouldn't have led ineluctably to a debate about skin care regimens. I'd like to say that the other was preferable, but...I might have to try the foot stuff out.

58: Gotcha!

Thanks for the brand name, FTS.

57: mmmmm. Squalane.

I learn such interesting things on this blog.

Becks, I'm not sure that Kelly Clarkson is what you want people associating with your rubbed raw region. Perhaps, Paris Hilton evokes a more lithe, less hairy, slightly skanky image. Or maybe Cate Blanchet - intelligent and sophisticated.

She laughed and said that we should come up with a code word that we could say in public in case that became a problem again.

You know, I've had this very thing happen a couple of times when I was doing a lot of walking around as a tourist. It's damned uncomfortable but what makes it worse is the (usual) social obligation to hide it from whoever you're with. Among family, the problem was always known as "monkeybutt," but there's only a subset of people to whom I'd be willing to say, "I got the monkeybutt so bad, I can't walk another step or my ass gonna catch fire."

Bodyglide is great stuff, btw.

only a subset of people

proper?

61 - I'd never heard of it until I met my present partner - his family called it "leafletter's arse" in honour of a family friend who'd had a job delivering leaflets.

Maybe that wasn't deodorant.

49: You live in Frisco. And you've only seen one person in fishnets? I guess denial ain't just a river in Persia.

IIRC, ogged lives not in San Francisco but in its environs, broadly construed.

And I'd like it if people started saying "Denial ain't just an anagram of Denali", if it's not too much trouble, instead of that nonsense about rivers.

Denial ain't just . . . I mean it ain't . . . oh, I can't bear to say it . . .

Ain't no such thing as denial.

63: I meant "small subset." Better?

Denali ain't just another name for McKinley, you know.

61, etc. : I don't understand this. Is this something that happens to people who don't walk much in general, but the suddenly do one day?

re: 73

Nope, I walk all the bloody time. It's still happened to me. Only when it's really hot, though. You don't sweat, ever?

74: Agreed. The other term I've heard is the euphonious "crotch rot," perhaps a misnomer, as the condition in question tends to afflict the buttocks more than the crotch-proper.

74: Ok, I'll take your word for it. I've always walked a lot, and sure, I sweat. Maybe less? I dunno. It's just hasn't happened to me for whatever reasons.

75, I thought that meant VD. Of course, one can exacerbate the other.