I personally have unmanageable cowlicks.
That is the stupidest fucking thing I've read all year.
I mentioned bangs to my hairdresser the other day, and she stabbed me with a pair of blunt scissors. She says the style screams "sexaholic Nazi terrorist." True story.
"If someone comes to me and wants a full bang for the first time," said Steve Berg, a stylist at Robert G Salon in the West Village, "there are automatically some questions I'm going to ask, like, 'Did you break up with someone?' Or, 'Are you on your period?'"
Now we know who does Justice Kennedy's hair.
Possibly, NCP. Are you playful and coy?
That's what he said she said, but I don't believe she actually said it.
I don't even know if what I have counts as bangs. The stuff right in the middle of my forehead is pretty short -- around nose length -- but it's mostly pushed to the side with the rest of the tousled mess. Bangs, or not bangs?
Those are long bangs. They're called bongs.
And really short bangs would be bings?
Gotta love this sentence:
I was literally on the phone with my hairdresser the day before my divorce proceedings, talking about bangs
I can't wait till feathered hair comes back in.
bangs are an appealing option in the summer, when the weather forces the bangless to march around with hair greased back with sweat, like so many W.N.B.A. players or Romanian gymnasts
So, do other people not know about barrettes and headbands and ponytail holders?
To be clear, I mean my feathered hair. I've been doing a lot of molting lately.
So, do other people not know about barrettes and headbands and ponytail holders?
Know about what now?
Shorter NYT:
Hairstyles: some look good on some, not on others. Hair: grows slowly, making decisions to cut parts of it short annoying if regretted.
I get my hair feathered periodically. It's one of my favorite haircuts. There used to be an awesome site called FeatheredBack.com, with an exhaustive catalog of feathered hairstyles, but it's defunct now.
literally on the phone with my hairdresser
Do you think it's a giant phone? Or are they miniature people? Is the phone now broken?
Even shorter NYT:
People can be fucking idiots about the most idiotic fucking things.
Extremely short NYT: Bangs, hot or not?
I like thinking about my hair and hairstyles.
I have bangs! But this is still a stupid article.
Although I confess that going back and forth between bangs and growing-out-bangs was a major feature of my mid-twenties. And although I don't cut my hair while drunk, I've been known to get sort of euphoric from too much caffeine and chop it off.
I add, though, that the "long piece-bangs that fall in your eyes" look mystifies me--bangs ought either to be retro-fifties-rockabilly or wholesome amorphously late-nineteenth-century. Although sadly mine are only ever wholesome.
26 is the very last thing I would have expected to read from Frowner. Where be thy dirty hippie now?
22: Poor Ulrike. I've often thought that if she'd been a bit more sex-crazed and a bit less internecine-left-stupidity-crazed she would have lived a lot longer.
I was actually designing some buttons (for sale at left outlets everywhere!) and thinking of doing a Baader-Meinhoff set, since I know a bunch of German studies people and Marxists who are obsessed with them, but I started looking at all those pictures and it was just too sad and morbid, not funny at all.
Shorter than 23 but not as short as 24 NYT: Why do you still bother reading this newspaper?
I like thinking about my hair and hairstyles.
I like thinking about my life and lifestyles.
I mentioned bangs to my hairdresser the other day, and she stabbed me with a pair of blunt scissors. She says the style screams "sexaholic Nazi terrorist." True story.
Black people can have bangs?
I foresee this becoming the Most Emailed Article of this week. I certainly emailed it.
I think we can all agree that the Laurie Perry from the article would look terrible in bangs. Score one for her hairdresser.
28: What, dirty hippies can't have bangs? Or is it just that we're supposed to wear them really long so that we can be blinded by pokey pieces of hair in addition to dogma?
Not only do I have a very heavy fringe--as they say--but I wash my hair daily with extraordinarly expensive hair products. Only then do I put it up in plain, wholesome twist; my snobbism is that I will use fancy hair products, but nothing that's obvious to the eye.
The book description linked in 33 is the most clichée thing I have ever read.
Yes, this is a silly article, but I would like to take this opportunity to scream at almost all of my previous haircutters: Dudes, bangs do not work with seriously curly hair. I do not want a pouffe at my forehead. Leave those hairs the fuck alone.
21 is funny.
This article makes me want to cry. I have some stupid conversational openers that I get rut-ish about, but I sure as shit am not calling myself out on them in the NYT. Further, none of them are as mind-numbingly dumb/narcissistic as "Do you think I should get bangs?"
34: Hey, what's wrong with being blinded by pokey pieces of hair? It's my only option for playing down the vast expanses of forehead that otherwise dwarf my face.
You know, Frowner, I pictured you with bangs. Did you mention it before, or is it just logically deducible from the overarching principles that govern the universe?
32: Black people can have bangs?
We've already perfected the mullet. Bangs cannot be far behind.
I am in possession of some ambiguously growing out bangs at the moment myself. I have a spectacularly dorky and insistent cowlick/wave that appears right as my bangs grow past my eyebrows, but now I also have one of those ceramic-coated straight iron things with which to force it into submission. It's a wonder, I'll tell you.
Heebie, have you figured out how to comb your hare so it doesn't leave a bare spot?
People, learn from my mistakes! Never click on any link provided by apostropher while at work! Or when connected to the Internet in any way!
Please answer the question exactly as expressed.
"I'm cooler than you, I have a lot of sex, and if you leave your husband with me I'll devour him."
Is this a realistic portrayal of women with bangs? (And is there a word for that? I want to say "banged women" but that doesn't quite seem right.) I never knew bangs were identified with the sexually aggressive (even as a false stereotype, if that's all it is).
RFTS, From your facebook photo I think you would do well to wear retro hats all the time and stop worrying about your cowlick.
Didja see 1, rfts? Didja didja? WE'VE GOT TWIN HAIR! PARTY AT OUR HAIRPORT!
39: What's wrong with being blinded by pokey pieces of hair? How can you seriously ask this? Ouch, ouch and ouch is what's wrong, plus constantly having to push at them. But don't let me stand in your way if that's what makes you happy. ( I just bisect my vast forehead with a line of bangs, myself.)
40: Overarching principles that kicked in for good about 2002, and were in occasional effect between 1998 and 2001, yes. Although I always had bangs as a kid. I'm a bit disappointed that they're becoming fashionable, in my heart of hearts.
This is an artist's rendering of what I look like with bangs. They always grow too long because I forget to trim them, hit the tops of my glasses, and then curl up into little wings.
I admire the Black Helmet
Myself, my lifetime goal has been the "Cousin Itt" look, which is why I eat so much protein. Sadly, apparently your maximum hair length is something you are born with.
"I'm cooler than you, I have a lot of sex, and if you leave your husband with me I'll devour him."
This really only applies to the long piece-y bangs and the retro fifties ones. My bangs convey that I care nothing for your fascist beauty standards, thank you, and almost certainly nothing for your husband. Mine are bangs of scorn.
Heebie, have you figured out how to comb your hare so it doesn't leave a bare spot?
My hare is topologically equivalent to a sphere, so it is impossible to comb it flat.
I consider that link work-safe.
But if you're Googling for more information about the film, you should probably remember to clear "black gang bang" from your browser's search field before the boss comes around.
Hats! I love hats, though I also feel sort of shy about wearing them. Do you have any particular kind of retro hat in mind?
I am delighted to hear of the cowlicks and bang-wings of others. My hair is currently several inches longer than it was when that photo was taken, which reminds me that I really need a haircut. Unfortunately, something about the atmosphere at the haircut place where I have been going makes me... twitchy.
Heebie, where's that American can-do spirit. Nothing is impossible. Reach for the stars! Dream the impossible dream! They said it couldn't be done -- but we did it! Comb that hare flat!
This is an artist's rendering of what I look like with bangs.
That looks like a bird is perched on your forehead. Which would be a cool look!
remember to clear "black gang bang" from your browser's search field
55: Wow, Louise Brooks was some kind of cute.
Louise Brooks also wrote a very funny memoirish thing, Lulu in Hollywood, and she was wicked smart and read all them philosophers and stuff.
58: The appropriate defense is to call it "multicultural research" and ask your boss if s/he's some kind of racist.
But she's dead, so no thinking about her while touching yourselves, folks.
66: It's a diversity training film!
67: But is it okay to touch her while thinking about myself?
But enough of this exciting talk. Now let's discuss baking.
68: That's the spirit!
Love that kid in 63.
So, do other people not know about barrettes and headbands and ponytail holders?
meet
"You can't be a 36-year-old wearing barrettes walking down the streets of L.A.
The NYT has spoken.
the fuck Christ
Andres Serrano's even more controversial follow-up piece.
59: I don't know what the names are for different kinds of hats. How about this?
Or for formal wear, the one with the poppies here.
the fuck Christ
Are there any even moderately well-known pieces of art showing Christ having sex? If not, why not?
It depends on whether you consider Jeff Koons to be the Messiah.
Doesn't Last Temptation include something like that?
my theory of the "dodgy fringe conservation law" (that whenever one of my female friends gets rid of a dodgy fringe, another goes out and gets one) was a staple of the bitter-drunken-shouting-match-at-a-party scene of the 1990s.
Are there any even moderately well-known pieces of art showing Christ having sex?
I'll be surprised if Apo doesn't provide a link within a couple of minutes.
From the credits to BGB:
"Soloman Gregory (as Solomon Gregory)"
It's like how Tony Danza always plays someone named Tony.
I can only assume that Solomon Gregory's opus includes a scene or two with the Queen of Sheba.
Doesn't Last Temptation include something like that?
A dream sequence, right? Yeah, that's the only one I can think of. It just seems like such an easy way to be shocking, I'm surprised more people haven't tried it.
81: From the film Song of Dongs, I think.
LAre there any even moderately well-known pieces of art showing Christ having sex?
Um, wasn't that kind of what that Dan Brown book was all about?
That was the backstory.
Yeah, that's the only one I can think of. It just seems like such an easy way to be shocking, I'm surprised more people haven't tried it.
Perhaps not everyone is as committed to shock as an aesthetic as you are. But don't let that cause your spirits to flag. First they mock you and all that.
St. Clare had some visions with some fairly explicit symbolic relations with Christ, if I recall correctly.
Anyway, the answer to growing out bangs is easy. You grow 'em for a little while, and just when they start reading the annoying point, you get a really short bob and they kind of blend in. Then you can grow the whole thing out all at the same time. Problem solved.
Stupid NYT.
56:
My bangs convey that I care nothing for your fascist beauty standards, thank you
I like this. Down with hair fascism.
(One reason I haven't been to a haircutter in like 10 years is that I finally got tired of the dreaded question: "Where's your part?" Part? What part? I think there is something you don't understand.)
67:Brooks is a goddess, and is not dead but immortal. Pandora's Box is a must-see. Still pictures don't capture her.
I have seen a video, and she was attractive fifty years later. But not so much in between, in contrast to Clara Bow, who looked good while on Rex's ranch.
Along with Jane Birkin, a lesser known banged perfection of the 60s was Samantha Juste who in no way was deserved by Mickey Dolenz.
75: I think this would be the canonical example.
Tynan had a nice appreciation of Brooks that I read somewhere. She came off as a woman who really was compromised by her attractiveness. Sort of sad.
91: sweet pedophilic jesus on a lightswitch!
Having now read the Style section over lunch, I must argue that the Junie B. article is more ridiculous.
The fact that Jesus is not often depicted in the sex act clearly relates to the fact that the Christ is also not often depicted with bangs. Do people without bangs even have sex? Have we learned nothing from the NYT and their incisive piece on the social signification of bangs?
88: No, it's not. You know how long that takes? That takes about eight months! Eight months of having hair that is too-long-to-be-bangs-really but too-short-to-cut-into-a-bob. And my hair grows fairly fast, even. I've been through this process about eight times since 1992, and I've about worn out my patience on it. Will I or never so, I think I'll have to have bangs as long as I have much hair at all.
You know, Junie B. has bangs. Coincidence? I think not.
This is a site dedicated to the Mickey/Samantha marriage. Grotesque, with a garland cursor, but I am a guy. This page has shots with baby Amy, but without bangs. Jesus, she's gorgeous. Not baby Amy.
I lied about not liking blondes.
96: I'm sorry, beyotch, you are just wrong. I've used that technique every time. Works just fine.
If you are willing to go for a sort of long-layers bob, it's a lot easier.
Ned, the hats linked in 74 are terrific, but what on earth is up with that mannequin? Does she have a goiter?
There's Loving Jesus. And, of course, Terrence McNally's Corpus Christi.
I'm sorry, beyotch, you are just wrong.
I don't believe anyone has ever said exactly this to me before. That's Dr. B--expanding horizons wherever you go!
But I suppose if you don't mind eight months of choppy, floppy, impossible-to-put-up hair, well, each to her own.
I perceive that Ned would like the one retro hat I already own. It's straw but expensive, with a broad, gently curving brim and a wide black ribbon. If it's sunny tomorrow, maybe I'll wear it to work. I also own a $3 witch's hat, which looks great on me.
Although I should add that my hair is extremely coarse and straight, so layering really doesn't work, and "blending" different lengths together really doesn't happen. Also, I have an enormous head, which means my hair has to be shoulder-length before it will go up in a ponytail.
103: That's the point of the uber-short bob! You can't put it up, but you don't need to.
Keep in mind, I have totally stick-straight hair.
Kinda like this. It's not hard to get bangs as long as the sides there, and then just go for it.
The love words to Jesus link from that Loving Jesus article is so, so awesome.
Also, I have an enormous head, which means my hair has to be shoulder-length before it will go up in a ponytail.
Eerie point of correspondence 43, check. But the hair here is fine, responding well to being erratically layered. If I wanted it to hang sleekly, I'd have to spend my life blowdrying.
The 'Loving Jesus' link recalls this Magnetic Fields song; similar deal.
If B really looked like the picture in 109, people would always talk about how attractive she is.
111: Ha ha ha...did you know that merely having heavy, coarse hair is no guarantee of sleekness? I've had a Brooks-y bob (which looked pretty good) but it was much more Edwardian full-and-flyaway than twenties-sleek. I can't bear to spend enough time drying my hair to get it all smoothed out. Plus, of course, I always feel that it looks a bit weird against my rather craggy and now-slightly-lined features--the woman who cuts my hair likes to flatten it, and I sneak away home right away so that no one will see it, and then I wash my hair and disarrange her labours.
next up: what to do if those little moonshapes at the base of your nails aren't exactly semi-circular.
113: I'm not so gamine. Surprise surprise.
This conversation is sitting in a nether world between the Jim White songs "When Jesus Got a Brand New Name," "Combing My Hair in a Brand-New Style," and "If Jesus Drove a Motorhome."
115: They have plastic surgery for that now--no excuses any more!
Isn't it PK with the "mischievous or boyish charm"?
I never understood how really sleek hair happens. It's all over the ads, but how often do you see it just walking around in everyday life? I suspect shellac, followed immediately by a photo shoot.
I see sorority types with it relatively often -- I believe it's the result of skillful blowdrying and sometimes other kinds of hot styling tools (flat irons, curling irons), plus silicone-based anti-frizz products.
silicone-based anti-frizz products.
Yeah, I try to use these too, but after a couple of hours they kind of do seem like shellac. I'm a sleek hair wannabe, so out of my bitterness I question the sleek hair of others.
123: Ah. No, he's more just bratty.
126: Shouldn't you be fetching breakfast for your child?
He says he's not hungry yet. I got him some orange juice.
What I should be doing is cleaning the house.
Whether they conjure painful visions of husband-stealers or happy memories of Betty and Veronica, bangs are an appealing option in the summer.
bangs s/b bangings
127: For crying out loud, NCP, it's only 11:30 Pacific time. Ease up on the poor woman.
129: Again with the bangs and the summer. Do bangs generate a self-powered air conditioning system I am unaware of?
131: You have to flap them up and down really fast.
132: Maybe they keep the sun out of one's eyes, like the black stuff football players use but more so?
Becks, you ignorant slut. By definition this is simply not over the top. Mohawks are over the top. Migrating geese are even further over the top. A mechanical avunculogratulator might or might not be over the top. Bangs are at the sides, dammit.
Bruce, I think my hair is a little blah right now. Should I get migrating geese?
OK, so I just looked at the Junie B article, and am not at all sure that I find it annoying. I mean, is it written in that annoying NYT Styles section tone? Of course. But it's making me think about how we'll deal with these books when they (apparently inevitably) come up in another year or so. I've never talked down to my daughter, and the thought of reading childish words to her makes me cringe. But maybe the stories are OK? I'll certainly take ungrammatical sass over Queen's English princessey any day of the week.
Over-the-top is a bad hairstyle for men, right?
Ned, I'm told they're very fashionable this year, but you'll have to check on local zoning.
130: The child is fed. Happy, haters?
the thought of reading childish words to her makes me cringe.
Lighten up, or she's gonna turn into w-lfs-n.
The child is fed. Happy, haters?
Depends. What did you feed the child?
Get this: a chicken caesar salad. Which is what he wanted, so shut up.
143: And the chicken in this salad: locally sourced? What about the romaine? And what about the labor conditions of the farmworkers?
As long as there were real anchovies, I'm happy.
144 and 145, I have no idea. It was the leftovers from his dinner last night at the not-so-kosher Jewish diner.
And then what did you feed the child to?
The denizens of the internet, for their amusement.
Those DOIs are such a bunch of stick-in-the-muds.
My wife has banned the Junie B. I didn't know the series was so popular.
Those DOIs are such a bunch of stick-in-the-muds.
A stick in the mud won't seem so bad after reading this.
Yeah, those aussies sure know how to party.
Lousy pool players though. Pool cues are applied to the balls, idiots, not the holes!
Coming late to the thread (as always) I've had bangs for the last 24 years until the boyfriend, in a moment of "trust me, I can do this" accidentally chopped them off. 6 weeks later and its back to normal. Maybe I'm a poor excuse for a girl but I've always viewed it as: It's just hair.
A bang story.
Middle school class. Hottest girl in the class sits next to me in one of our classes. She says, "I hate my bangs!" I give her the blank look of a middle school boy who has no idea what bangs are.
She repeats, "I hate my bangs." She puts her hand on her bangs so I know what she means. Then she says, "Cut them off!" and hands me a pair of sissors.
I ask, "Cut them off?!?" "Yes!" she says.
Are you sure?
Yes!
I cut them off. She screams and cries.
Shorter still NYT: We think you're stupid.
I'm angry now; I'm going to go try to find a productive use to put it to.
I just ran into someone with bangs while I was going to grab a coffee, and they totally gave me a blowjob after telling me what a great summer hairstyle it is. True story.
121: You might try hunting around the 'net for modeling fora. We had about thirty "hair models" in for auditions last year and they all had that super-sleek look (and one had a small dog in her purse). There's got to be a well-known trick to it.
160: they
The bangs gave you a blow job?
And it was damned silky, I tell you what.
157 - sounds like something by Donald Barthelme.
DS is Canadian, John; of course she was.
Emerson, are you familiar with the work of pianist Satoko Fujii?
Not at all. I don't really keep up very well.
Gaze not into her bangs,
Lest her bangs gaze into you.
I have bangs. this is totally making me want to trim them. now that I'm sober I do a much better job cutting my own hair, I must say.
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