That photo would be a lot better if his head weren't turned to the camera.
Whoa, closing the window with the softcore gay porn while I'm at work.
That photo would be a lot better if his head weren't turned to the camera.
I quite agree.
What does the tatoo across his lower back say?
What does the tatoo across his lower back say?
w-lfs-n
Looks to me like it says "IRS".
They brand people on HB-1 visas now?
It's "Brooklyn," which is his son's name.
So how many five year-olds would it take to beat him up?
Factoring in the fact that he's a soccer player, I'd say...three.
No, to actually injure him, not to get him to act like he's been injured.
How many NBA officials would it take to bet on his games?
HOW MANY CHIMPERORS WOULD IT TAKE TO LIBERATE AND OCCUPY HIM?
It's those weird bulgy hip muscles that make him stand out. I wonder if all soccer players develop those.
I'm not so bitter these days, though. It's true. For instance, I just hugged a puppy.
Me, at work the other day, having a conversation with some developers who work for me, all men:
Dev1: I heard a funny question the other day. How many five year olds do you think you could take in a fight?
Dev2: Infinite. I mean, you hit them and they start to cry, right?
Dev1: That's what I figured. The most they could do is bruise your legs a bit.
Me: The way I heard it, it was to the death. It's you or them. How many could you hold off to the death. That surely wouldn't be infinite.
Dev1: You have to kill the five year olds?
(general looks of horror in my direction)
It was a lie! I scolded the puppy!
I wonder if all soccer players develop those.
Yes, they do. Those muscles are totally hott.
i maked you a puppy!
but i ated it.
It's like two golf balls on the outside of each hip. The next big implant?
I'm under the impression that most men so posed would expose at least a flash of dangly bits. Have Beckham's been photoshopped away, or are they just obscured by his unusually enormous thighs?
Oh, that is pretty. Mmm.
On the dangly bits, I'd guess that the pose was deliberately made discreet by keeping the legs together and scooping the junk forward, rather than allowin free danglage.
28: Yes, he is purposely denying us a fruit basket, and after all America has done to welcome him.
And what about his other leg (his other other leg)? He looks like a sciapod.
31: There is no other leg. His one-leggedness is what makes his mad soccer skillz so impressive. Duh.
Or rather, the second one isn't really a leg. Which is what makes him so impressive off the field.
And you know, enormous thighs and all, but other than that this supports my thesis that soccer players are your best option for evenly well built, rather than freakishly specialized, male athletes.
Why do you hate basketball players, LB? Is it' coz theyz black?
It's "Brooklyn," which is his son's name.
The last couple of times I've been in dive bars (and a laundromat), I've noticed guys who have realistic portrait tattoos of kids. The guy I talked to went on about his kid, said he had it done when she was 3.
I never noticed this in the 90s, and was in dives more often. Is it a country thing, a regional thing, a jail thing-- anyone know or noticed?
#32. True. That's what Pliny says. Also that they lie on their backs and shade themselves with their feet enormous wangs.
I have finally found some evidence for my thesis that male dancers also develop these freakish hip muscles.
(Hey, costumers! Put the menfolks in less clothes!)
35: Absolutely.
No, it's that they're too tall, which tends to make them awkwardly elongated looking. While there are many attractive b-ball players out there, they do have to overcome the basic weirdness of a body optimized for basketball.
34: what about baseball?
Or even football if you think QB or RB, not LB.
soccer players are your best option for evenly well built, rather than freakishly specialized, male athletes
Rank absurdity, LB. Soccer players have huge legs and scrawny arms. What's evenly built about that?
(And yes, Gaybot's contention notwithstanding, Beckham has scrawny arms.)
I suspect that Beckham stole some of those thigh muscles from his wife.
Baseball doesn't interfere with being attractive, but it doesn't make it significantly more likely -- there's a lot of beer guts out there. Football -- again, not impossible to find a pretty football player, but there are a lot of giant rectangular slabs of meat out there.
And if those arms look scrawny to you, Ogged, you have high, and peculiar, standards.
Ogged, I have scrawny arms. Beckham does not.
Didn't it turn out that those Posh pics were maliciously photoshopped?
Scrawny arms, people. But since Labsy isn't here to back me, I won't press the point. If you like 'em, you like 'em.
45: I'll admit I haven't followed up on the story.
45: I'll admit I haven't followed up on the story.
Again, I have to do the background research for you, apo. What's the matter, can't keep up with three kids and the whole internet?
Your daughter looks exactly like Noah in the lemon-eating video -- the same big-eyed alert stare.
soccer players are your best option for evenly well built, rather than freakishly specialized, male athletes.
Dear god please forgive me for what I am about to say, but.
No, it's swimmers.
Swimmers are good too; I like the swimmers. I was thinking of 'athletes' as meaning 'famous professional athletes', and that's not so much a description of swimmers.
can't keep up with three kids and the whole internet?
Turns out I can't. At least not while holding down a full-time job. Stupid sperm.
55: The kitchen and the main room are clean. I'll tackle the living room and PK's room probably today. Then I'll do the bedroom, which Mr. B. promised (and failed) to clean the *last* time I did a whole-house clean.
soccer players are your best option for evenly well built, rather than freakishly specialized, male athletes.
FWIW, this is what soccer greatness looks like without a shirt.
And you know, enormous thighs and all, but other than that this supports my thesis that soccer players are your best option for evenly well built, rather than freakishly specialized, male athletes.
No, it's swimmers.
Australian Rules Football players also rank highly, if you count "famous" as including "famous in Australia." PS I am not gay, NTTAWWT.
Own your place on the economic food chain and hire someone, B.
I'm pretty sure most human swimmers have necks. Though will says they shouldn't turn them.
59: I think B might feel degraded by having to pay someone to give her a t-t job.
From the OP: David Beckham has, as the physiologists might say, lots of leg muscles.
Probably they'd say he has about the regular number.
It's the European carryall that does it for me.
Own your place on the economic food chain and hire someone, B.
That's part of "get my shit together." Before I can hire someone, we really need a coherent budget. I also need a nanny.
Christiano Ronaldo is handsome, yes, but such a little bitch.
65: so's Beckham, though. Football is rife with them.
Stig Tøfting - not a little bitch.
I'm the only woman here who finds the photograph kind of annoying, in a faux-artsy gimme-a-break kind of way, aren't I?
I mean, Beckham's still hot, but the photo's a little trite.
And just like that one image sends me scurrying back to lynx.
68: is that restricted to women? I agree it would be much less cheesy if he were looking forward, though.
Stig Tofting looks like he's been hitting the human growth hormones a little hard.
72: Agreed. I find that the annoyingness of the photo swamps my ability to enjoy the subject.
Even if he were looking forward, this is still a photo we've all seen before. Not with Beckham's bare ass in it, granted, but still.
See, I think the fact that he's turning towards the camera is the only thing that makes it even partly interesting. Because *of course* the standard thing would be a full profile. Yawn.
Plus he has a cute face.
The pose reminded me of the illustration in Wripley's Believe it Or Not of the armless man famous for his beautiful penmanship, pen held between the toes.
I think the looking forward version would be even more seen-it-before, myself.
78: so have him look away from camera to break the symmetry.
So, in Europe a man can really dress and look like Cristiano Ronaldo does in that street scene, and not be thought to be gay? Really? Because he looks literally more gay than the most stereotypical gay man I have ever seen in real life. Astonishing. I'm tired of our constrictive gender roles here.
Hop on board the anti-macho train, Ned. Glad to have you.
Even wearing a tight, unbuttoned, nearly see-through lavender shirt, carefully tucked in behind the belt buckle but not tucked in otherwise? And with the purse? Seriously, not even children would think he looks a little gay?
82: He needs to decide whether he's tucking in his shirt or not.
You guys, he's Italian (right?). He looks like a hot young Italian guy. If anything, his sexuality is going to be more about the mirror than about men *or* women.
You guys, he's Italian (right?)
No, he's Portuguese. Do not say "Same difference, right?"
Obeying house style gets you pwned.
Obeying house style gets you pwned.
Same difference, right?
I do believe the footballer in question is Portuguese.
I think he's Portuguese, B, but same difference.
I just got Christiano Ronaldo's agent on the phone, and he (CR) is either Portugese or Spanish - the agent said he wasn't sure.
I do believe the footballer in question is Portuguese.
Right, he's Spanish.
I was proud that everybody had spelled Portuguese correctly, until 95.
Strange, Beckham looks a little like Kevin Federline in this picture.
But if you put a bag over his head, I'd hit it.
98: What, you can't bear to see his face while you're pummeling his head?
A) He's Portuguese
B) LOL You said you would hit his head
C) LOL
My sociopath brother-in-law was Portuguese-American. A tiny niche minority in the US. I have to remind myself that he's just one guy and they can't all be sociopaths.
Are Portuguese Latinos? Given the way the word has developed, I'd say not.
104: They're sort of Latinos the way Romanian is technically a Romance language. Too much atlantic exposure has diluted the influence of the mediterreanean.
Wasn't Mystic Pizza all about the horrible oppression of Portuguese-Americans?
I'm the only woman here who finds the photograph kind of annoying, in a faux-artsy gimme-a-break kind of way, aren't I?
Yes?
Y'all are too cynical by half. The man, or perhaps the photo, is gorgeous. Disagree about the head-turning; it humanizes, and actually, sexualizes.
Then again, I'm also a fan of well-done black and white photography.
You know, sometimes you have to stop with the self-conscious parody and just smile. It's okay, no one will hurt you for it.
The extra butt-musles are weird as shit.
Oh, come on. Post a pic of a pretty naked chick and some guy saying "I'd hit it" would garner exactly 0 "huh?" comments. When I say it, you think I'm talking about hitting his bagged head.
Translation: I'd have sex with him, if you covered his Federline-ish face. That better? If the phrase "butterface" didn't contain "her" I would have used that one.
I really just wanted to use same sexist language that I see all the time online, directed at women. I wondered what the response would be.
He does sort of look like K-Fed here.
He's yummy, but the overall effect would be better if his arms weren't back there but huddled around his chest; like he was both a little vomit-y and unafraid to stare you down while fighting back puke. I'd prefer that, I think.
I'm pretty sure everyone understood what you were getting at, wrenae.
108: I think this is just the kind of place where people are always going to enjoy leaping on nominally ambiguous anaphora.
I don't like the pic or anything, but sure, I'd hit it too.
112: you'd hit the picture? Or his head?
If the phrase "butterface" didn't contain "her"
um.
106: I'm a big fan of well done black & white photography too ... this one is meh (for me).
108: First, until now I didn't know whether you were female or male.
Second, it was the phrasing (the "it" is ambiguous), that lead to the (sure, lame and obvious) jokes, not the fact that it was a male image you were talking about.
So take that, you humorless feministperson!
What I'm saying is, when it comes to nominally ambiguous anaphora, I'll pretty much hit anything.
108: more telling was 2; namely that a nude photo of a guy is automagically considered borderline `gay porn'.
117:
What I'm saying is, when it comes to nominally ambiguous anaphora, I'll pretty much hit anything.
fixed that for you
I'd hit that like the fist of an angry god!
I'd hit that like it owed me money!
I'd hit that like BAM!
I'd hit that like a pinata!
I'd hit that like pressing return on a google search for the phrase "I'd hit that like"!
When I say it, you think I'm talking about hitting his bagged head.
Not really, it's just funnier that way.
119: Okay, soub. You won't be offended if I ask you to wear a bag over your head though, will you?
Heebie, how's the Tower of Hanoi going?
I'd hit that like the fist of an angry god!
I'd never heard this before, but Google tells me it's possibly the most common usage.
121: You misspelled "funner". We haven't yet discussed which implements would be best to use to beat Beckham about his bagged head with though.
Obviously, one would hit it. That's nearly universal, isn't it?
The second sentence of 125 is my verbal tribute to the Towers of Hanoi.
Not following the subtext here. A nude photo of a guy is dubbed gay porn only as a joke, I would have assumed.
I started on the Tower, with a girl from Hanoi. She has a hibiscus flower in her hair and a club foot and we're inventing our own dialect so that we can speak in code around the adults.
122: well, if you're certain you're up for it.... It'll be hard to be accurate with the whip though. And you know how you have trouble articulating your safe words through the ball gag, so if I can't see, it might get a little rough on you, is my only concern.
"I'd hit that like she was a plate glass window and I was a rioting proletariat with a baseball bat," I'd say.
"That's certainly a... colorful metaphor," she'd say. And there were colors - they had just risen to her cheeks.
"Isn't that a simile?" Some undereducated fool would query.
"A simile is a type of metaphor," I'd snap, childishly upset that my track had been broken.
"That's not what we learned in English," they'd reply, and look to her to settle it.
"I dunno," she'd say. "English was never my forte." And it was true - she'd mispronounced forte.
which implements would be best to use to beat Beckham about his bagged head
Obviously, best would be to pick up Victoria Beckham by her ankles and swing her at his bagged noggin.
trouble articulating your safe words through the ball gag
You should pick "mmmmfff!" as the word.
132: Like it was going out of style.
130: Oh, we'll cut eyeholes in the bag, so no worries.
Now, now, ladies, don't get to excited--as we gentlemen are unfailingly reminded when viewing various celebrities and noting our willingness to "hit it", you ought to be cognizant of the fact that "it" might not "hit" you.
135: I've heard that hitting people is going out of style.
So much for my man-crush.
138: Kicking someone in the shins is the new hitting them.
she is far less metaphorically hit-able. I would hazard this is objectively true.
You had a man-crush on Figo?! Ew.
Of the Portuguese team, my favorite was Deco, in a Dennis Kucinich-y, put-him-in-my-pocket-and-take-him-home-to-set-loose-in-the-backyard kind of way.
a nude photo of a guy is automagically considered borderline `gay porn'.
Sure. The photo is of a man, and porn is for men. It's all so very logical, you see.
I want to be a footballer, shot-caller, with twenty-inch rims on my impala. (Why an impala? What's up with the impalas?)
Beckham wears shin-guards.
Heh-heh, for protection. IFKWIM. AITYD. What I mean is, for protection against STDs and pregnancy. Like a condom. Like a vest for your jimmy in the city of sex.
I'd hit that like pressing return on a google search for the phrase "I'd hit that like"!
Awesome.
Also, of *course* the boys want to talk about beating up the pretty boy that has all the girl attention.
I miss Zidane. Zidane would never pose like Burt Reynolds.
146: "Impala" rhymes with "footballer" better than "Gremlin" does. Duh. You math people just dont' understand art.
137: "too," for god's sake. If you're going to be prim, do it properly.
149: Would you really describe Beckham as "pretty"?
I wanna be a goblin, named Franklin
Twenty-inch rims on my new Gremlin.
Also, of *course* the boys want to talk about beating up the pretty boy that has all the girl attention.
But it was wrenae's idea!
You know who's hot? Lilian Thuram, that's who.
Taking penicillian, in the Kremlin.
Zidane would never pose like Burt Reynolds.
You have no idea how long I spent trying to find a semi-naked Zidane picture.
Are you going to share that link or what, J-Mo?
156: Anyone says different, they're dissemblin'.
No shit, really B? "Too"? Thanks. I'll be sure to start doing a better job proofreading my BLOG COMMENTS. Or not.
158: If you ever do, please keep it to yourself.
163: Just asking, but are you also prone to describing ferrets as "pretty"?
No such luck. There was this one archived image of him shirtless with a jacket on, but he still had his hair back then, so, not as hot.
Brock, honey, if you're going to be a schoolmarm, ya gotta do it right.
165: That doesn't rhyme with "Gremlin" at all, honky.
171: So what about humans with ferrety faces?
There's another picture of Beckham from the same shoot.
146: (Why an impala? What's up with the impalas?) Have we moved on or would you like an answer?
It's good to know one's idol can retire without having disgraced himself in front of the camera.
You don't have permission to access /images/photos/david_beckham_02@.jpg on this server.
I want to be a footballer, shot-caller, with twenty-inch rims on my impala. (Why an impala? What's up with the impalas?)
Not always
Drivin' in my Puegeot
20 inch rims with the chrome now
Blazin' out Yo La Tengo
Drivin' round poppin' with the top down
in other words, I challenge thee to a slapfight.
You don't have permission to access /images/photos/david_beckham_02@.jpg on this server.
Sucks for you, eh?
180: And not a rap-off?
I claim victory!
Have we moved on or would you like an answer?
Well, 151 took a stab at it. But if you want explain more, I'll play along.
183: Are you just fucking with us? I get, "Page Not Found."
You don't have permission to access /images/photos/david_beckham_02@.jpg on this server.
Most of the time (including this one), if you just click in the URL field and hit return, the image will appear. It's just blocking hotlinks in to it.
173:
There's another picture of Beckham from the same shoot.
Forbidden. You do not have permission to access ...
claiming victory is the new totally getting bested in a slap-fight.
183 works; I'd just mistyped it the first time around.
Oh. God it's tiring to be on turtle-speed.
188: I'm just worried that an innocent bystander might get slapped.
And of what might happen to you in prison because of that.
I like Beckham emerging from his chrysallis.
Actually this second pic is too stagey by far.
Oh well. Once is enough.
I'd go further than that. The Impala was the "Sportier" version of the full size Chevrolet from the introduction of the small-block V8 in 1955, an iconic year, until the last rear-drive full-size sedans were made in the mid-nineties. They've always had cache, and older ones were the basis of lowriders, and can be seen in many of the gangsta rap videos. The huge chrome rims have been the style for customized cars for the last dozen years; there are a number in my neighborhood. Very highly prized, particularly in gang culture.
Chevrolet has recycled the name for a sedan, now often used for taxis in Chicago, but Impala here refers only to the rear-drive V8.
195: I've got gangster cred coming out my ears. I was just seeing if you knew.
And of what might happen to you in prison because of that.
More free time to formulate mad Kakutami beats?
gangster cred coming out my ears
they have drops for that.
I put drops in my eyes to make me wise, and to reduce the amount I despise my thighs.
they have drops for that.
The pain lets me know that I'm alive.
I put drops in my nose to make me doze and, while I sleep, it grows in repose.
actually the drops help the gangster cred come out.
I put drops in my beat, like it's hot. I drop beats a lot, with little thought, pausing only for Cat- and Capp Bots. Did you know I'm a polyglot?
"I dunno," she'd say. "English was never my forte." And it was true - she'd mispronounced forte.
You all know that "forte", as in "English was never my forte", should be pronounced "fort" not "for-tay", right? Because it's from the French for the wider part of a rapier blade, not from the Italian musical term.
You all know that "forte", as in "English was never my forte", should be pronounced "fort" not "for-tay", right?
True! But there's a certain cachet in making it sashay.
On the other hand, speakers of English should pronounce it "for-tay" for the same reason that they shouldn't say "Paree" when they're talking about Paris.
I'll eee-ow your toilety, young man.
I can't wait—but we should make the arrangements in private; I think your husband knows about this site.
You all know that "forte", as in "English was never my forte", should be pronounced "fort" not "for-tay", right?
Upon looking this up I see that this is unclear. It is clear that the French term fort should be pronounced "fort", but it appears that "forte" is somewhat in limbo.
The pronunciation of forte 'strong point' is a subject of much debate. The most common pronunciation--by far--in America is FOR-tay, the same as the Italian musical term. Conservative usage writers usually insist that this pronunciation is wrong, and only the pronunciation FORT (identical to the word fort 'defensive military location') is acceptable. The rationale is that the French word forte should be pronounced like fort in English; people who pronounce is FOR-tay are either confusing it with the Italian musical term or are assuming that it's spelled forté, which would be pronounced FOR-tay. (In fact, the word is occasionally found in print in the forté spelling, confirming that people do make that mistake.)
There are several problems with this argument. First, the French word is simply not forte, it is fort, so the forte spelling is wrong from the start. Second, the correct French word fort is pronounced FOR, without a "t." Thus, anyone claiming that the FORT pronunciation is correct because of any connection with French is simply wrong. Another factor is that French words can be Anglicized however we see fit--Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of English Usage points out that the punctuation mark (') is pronounced uh-PAHS-tro-fee in English, even though it "should" be pronounced ah-pahs-TROPH, since it's from French. Finally, there's the point that the FOR-tay pronunciation is so common that most people now have never heard of the FORT pronunciation and will think it's wrong.
None of this, of course, makes FOR-tay a correct pronunciation; it comes from a mistake of one kind or another. But there is no pronunciation of forte 'strong point' that is etymologically acceptable, so it comes down to a question of choosing which error you want to go with. FORT is favored by the more conservative, but is much less familiar; FOR-tay is far more common but is thought to be wrong by people who bother expressing opinions on such matters. The choice is yours.
(I think I managed to conform to house style appropriately there. If you forgive the lengthy quotation.)
204:
Isn't the second picture a yoga pose?
Actually, yeah, it is. Or a facsimile thereof.
211: To confuse the manner, we always pronounced it "fort" when speaking of the corresponding position in fencing.
Hey, did you guys know about the Ulysses S. Grant doll?
OK, I'ma go drink now.
the corresponding position in fencing
I didn't know that trafficking in stolen goods was so formalized.
217: it's important for criminals to have a code of conduct.
More than that, profits are maximized by specialization. You don't run into many Renaissance Thieves- the old ways are disappearing.
