B's vacationing in NYC? Are you guys going to meet up?
I read this and I thought, "Damn, Ogged is confessing again to some pervy impulse he had at the swimming pool." Then I noticed that the story didn't take place at the pool. Then I noticed that Becks posted it.
Some overheard classy conversation from the morning commute: a guy saying angrily into his cellphone "Yeah, you're supposed to be my boy, see, so I don't need you slippin' on no banana peels around my woman. I didn't slip on no banana peels around her friend, so what the fuck?"
what the fuck does that even mean? i couldn't begin to tell if it was classy or not as the content is utterly illegible to me.
Classy people don't just leave banana peels any old place, waiting to be slipped-upon.
sigh...
look, hon, some of us are aging, unattractive, and unaesthetic.
i don't smoke anymore, and i never had any cleavage.
but what do you want? for the unsightly to remain out of sight?
i do my best, okay? but occasionally life requires me to appear in public.
what the fuck does that even mean?
Exactly. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's a reference to sex, but pretty weird and obscure.
What made it extra-classy is that it was delivered in the sort of faux-Ebonic drawl that a certain set of suburban Canadians seem to think is hardass.
faux-Ebonic drawl
Fauxbonics! That's when you tell a jive turkey to slide you some skin.
OOOH. like, a banana peel is a condom? and "slip on" means "put on" rather than "fall down"?
slippin' on no banana peels
Interesting. Either a reference to putting on a condom or sex that "just happens," probably, right?
dude, don't even.
at the bus stop, there was this woman. she had on a red sports bra. she was sorta fat, and i couldn't quite tell at first what was hanging out over her pants. then i realized she was sagging her jeans down, so that you could see her panties. and she had a sunburn and no makeup.
I'm in Toronto, beeyatches. I wish I were in NYC, though, b/c I'd totally love to meet Becks's hardass friend.
That's off the rope! Slap me five, homie!
Ogged's second guess is what came to mind for me, but who knows.
there's a minute phonological difference between "slip on" meaning "to don" and "slip on" meaning "to lose one's balance by treading on".
I hear a more even emphasis on both syllables in the first case, with a more trochaic emphasis in the second case.
(the difference between "minute" and "minute", on the other hand, is not at all minute.)
I was assuming the speaker said the trochaic thing, meaning "to lose balance etc.", implying accidental mutual seduction via allegedly irresistible circumstances. The spondee would certainly be more explicit. (but, "banana peel"?)
You unbelievable honkies, it's a line from Chris Rock's stand-up routine. It's a way he refers to the "accident" excuse for hooking up with someone.
And yoyo's friend, too. Y'all need to exorcize your fascist beauty standards.
and no makeup.
I hope you got her info for ogged!
You unbelievable honkies
Are you saying our honkitude is unconvincing?
My guess was also in line with ogged's second guess. Along the lines of "Dude, it was an accident! I swear! I was just walking along, minding my own business, when I slipped on a banana peel and accidentally put my dick in your girlfriend! Seriously, it could have happened to anybody!"
You unbelievable honkies, it's a line from Chris Rock's stand-up routine.
Does this imply that all African-Americans have memorized all Chris Rock routines? Like nerds and Monty Python?
The use of "Skrull" in 22 makes me wish that, in addition to "Look up in Google" and "Look up in Dictionary," my browser had the right-click option of "Look up in Urban Dictionary."
Now Ogged will tell me that this is a Firefox extension.
good, so the trochaic prosody was correct.
not that i'm a honky or anything.
17 - OK, this is not a question of beauty standards. Were it not for the lighter and pack of smokes stashed in her tits, this would not have been worth mentioning. That's what puts it over the top. Who does that, especially when taking a break with coworkers outside your place of business? (She works in my building but for a different agency.)
The Firefox extension Hyperwords allows direct searches of urbandictionary.
Now Ogged will tell me that this is a Firefox extension.
You'll need the "Look Up in Archives" extension.
(25: I've been defaming 'Smasher as a Skrull since the Great Hottie Race. Or so he will claim, being a Skrull.)
Who does that, especially when taking a break with coworkers outside your place of business?
Hardass cool dykes, that's who! Seriously, I love her.
Hardass cool dykes believe her! Seriously.
Actually, with the roller girl leagues in vogue and the garage rock and so forth, maybe gutter-chic is on the ascendant.
34 - That's the thing. I know from dykes and I don't think she was a dyke. Were she a dyke, again, this would not be all that remarkable.
with the roller girl leagues in vogue
?
ha, after i wrote 'and no makeup' i reazlied, unfogged is pretty accepting of that. but i kept it in, because i think editing is dishonest.
31: Can we please get that? It would be so frakking useful.
And I'll mention the detail I left out of my original description because I didn't want to prejudice you all -- the tattoo? Was a GOP elephant. I think she works for the B0ard 0f Electi0ns. She was telling them that she got it because she's such a die-hard Republican.
What's the content of your ? in 40, Ned? You know that even Pgh has roller derby, right? And that this would be, in some ways, analagous to the aesthetic of badass-chickery observed by Becks?
grammar police have been phoned to investigate the phrase "on the ascendant".
the phrase "in the ascendant", which originates in astrology, means "dominant, in power already", not "coming into power".
i have a bad feeling "on the ascendant" may be intended to mean something like "on the rise", but doesn't quite get there.
Total dyke. They're all republicans. Look at Lynne Cheney!
She was telling them that she got it because she's such a die-hard Republican.
Man, that would make party re-alignment particularly awkward.
i think editing is dishonest.
That explains a lot.
I was going for "in the ascendant" if that's in fact how it's phrased in astrology.
the tattoo? Was a GOP elephant.
Oh, so she's just one of those hardass trashy chicks with a big chip on her shoulder and serious vulnerability issues. I like those kind of women, too, although I totally fear that if I keep smoking after my 40th bday I'm going to turn into one of them and become unfuckable.
Seriously. I fear this. So lame.
See why I love women who just embrace their unfuckability?
Man, that would make party re-alignment particularly awkward.
Sounds like this chick would just get another tat of a donkey crapping on the elephant.
I'm going to turn into one of them and become unfuckable
I'd still fuck you, B. But I'd be imagining you were a leathery 19-year-old virgin with a scratchy voice.
52: Calvin peeing on the elephant would work too.
her leathery tattooed breasts.
Tit for tat?
with tat-like cred,
upon the place we steal
Becks' experience would be unexceptional in Portland, OR, and, Jesus will back me in this. The Republican Party part, not so much.
You know that even Pgh has roller derby, right?
Um, it does? Where? Who? Why?
I only read the City Paper, man.
Also, 58 assumes the debunked hypothesis that this was a lesbian.
12: Well, I was downtown and I saw one of those skanky-hipster marketing chicks in some poly-rayon spandex knit dress with an empire waist and a gross "retro" print, and her face was absolutely smeared with all this nasty greasy makeup crap and her eyelashes were all crusted with mascara even though the temperature was about a million and two, and she was wearing stupid shoes and smoking at the same time. And her hair was all fakey-bleached, which made her skin look all haggered even though she was younger than me, and it was repulsive.
But I don't think that the world owes me a constant parade of people I personally deem fuckable, so it didn't bother me that much.
update: now the police are there. and one of them is wearing blue plastic gloves.
59: It's all part of that inexplicable Eighties retro shit.
61
funniest thing i've read today.
If I had written 61, my reputation for misogyny would have been cemented forever.
her skin look all haggered
How does one hagger?
I don't think that the world owes me a constant parade of people I personally deem fuckable
Cool. I'll take yours, then.
65: But Ogged, my little friend, I was writing it in response to a particular comment, even--I might say--as a contrast to a particular comment. It wasn't gratuitous hate, much as poly-rayon-spandex knits make me want to cry.
wearing stupid shoes and smoking at the same time
I don't endorse 61, but I do find this clause to be wonderful.
My world? Or the people I deem fuckable? 'Cause I don't think you'd like them too much. I mean, if you want 'em, I can let you have a few.
61.1 might seem a little harsh--i would never write it as a man, but didn't mind reading it from a woman.
but 61.2 encapsulates one of the first pillars of feminist wisdom.
no hint of misogyny there.
"A few" does not a parade make. It's the parades I'm after, see.
68: Whisper it low, but I don't really endorse 61 either, except when I can't keep myself from playing the "women should appeal to me at all times, all of them, or I am entitled to vitriolic rage" game.
The purpose of this post is to make us yearn for the days of Harry Potter posts.
The irony of 61 is that the world in fact does owe me a constant parade of people I personally deem fuckable, but since this is a big job for the world, I try to have fairly lax standards.
Hey if someone had some wedding photos how would she add them to the Unfogged group?
And y'all, let me (house rules rule!) show you 12 again. (Sorry, Yoyo. I don't mean to be as incensed as I am. But I am.)
at the bus stop, there was this woman. she had on a red sports bra. she was sorta fat, and i couldn't quite tell at first what was hanging out over her pants. then i realized she was sagging her jeans down, so that you could see her panties. and she had a sunburn and no makeup.
Upload them to your flickr page, then select the "add to group" button. Of course, you'd need to be a member of the Unfogged pool to begin with.
Yay! I want to see wedding photos! I want to see what all of this planning finally looked like.
Um, it does? Where? Who? Why?
I only read the City Paper, man.
What other journalistic organ do you expect to cover something as hipster-ironic as roller derby?
Becks' experience would be unexceptional in Portland, OR, and, Jesus will back me in this
Even the full-on moustache-tattoo-leathery breast combo is way more common than GOP tats around here, for sure. I mean, some shit is just bizarre.
Maybe she could use what the mailman just now dropped off on the porch: a sample one of these. This thing is unreal -- five blades, for God's sake. I'll bet that razors in the future will have, like, 30 goddam blades.
81: This thing is unreal -- five blades, for God's sake.
Sometimes, The Onion's prescience is a bit scary: Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades (2/2004)
I just got one of those in the mail, too.
73: 62 updates my 12.
and, i think i know the girl in no. 61.
also, how fucking many hipsters in gold american apparel spandex did i see at the pitc/hfo/rk mu/sic festi/val? god damn.
81, 84: Y'all are behind the times. I've been sitting on mine for weeks, just waiting for the right opportunity.
It's not clear to me under what circumstances my current 3-blade device will be inadequate. But when it does, I'm ready!
Damn, I'm going to take a shower and try this out right now.
25: You can easily add it to DictionarySearch 2.02 by putting:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=$
in the URL for a dictionary and:
Urban Dictionary Search for "$"
for the menu text that appears.
12 was indeed offensive. Frowner, I don't see why you're being defensive about posting 61. Your comment just yearns tragically for followup jokes. It. Must. Be. Done.
By the end of the decade, we ought to have the Gilette Aleph in our hands.
and, i think i know the girl in no. 61.
Ha! I think I am the girl in 61. And it's not the fakey bleached hair that makes my skin look haggard - I come by that naturally.
(Just kidding. I hope -- you're in MN, right, Frowner?)
I just switched from the Mach3 to the Fusion. It seems that the four-blade setup groups the blades closer together, making the Fusion less-ideal than the Mach3 for my thick and manly beard hair.
Jesus is like a god to me. He never lets me down.
I iz not part of the cool kidz grup.
There's some stupid several step process required to become a member, but the first thing is to add me (cadu/cosity) as a contact.
Jesus is like a god to me. He never lets me down
Nothing to add. This just makes me happy.
No, you should add me as a contact.
ogged I am going to add you as a contact.
Here's my classy moment: I was walking on campus ten minutes ago and this girl hollers, "THERE'S SOME HOES IN THIS HOUSE! IF YOU SEE THEM, POINT 'EM OUT!"
Cappseus now I will add you. Who the fuck is MHarvey? I added him a long time ago (the last time I tried to get access to this thing), thinking it was you.
Wait, smasher, you were already a contact.
104: Would it help if I told you his middle initial is R?
mrh! That bastard must have tricked me somehow.
Hey I found you all! cool. am now sucked in by pictures of deserts, caroline helpy-chalk, and vegas!
I know I'm a bad feminist and all, but I'm missing the difference in offensiveness between 12 and 61.1 (this could be because I am currently wearing stupid shoes.)
Hey I found you all!
You did? Who are you?
I didn't have to join the group to see some of the pics. So I'm not there yet.
113: The difference is that 61.1 is a gleeful lampooning of the style and flavour of 12.
Cala--Are you just doing the "add cadu/cosity as a contact thing" or did you e-mail smasher/ cappseus for a proper key to join. I personally find it slightly easier to navigate the photos added to the group pool instead of looking at all of the photos of cadu/cosity's contacts.
If she adds me (or that bastard, Capps) as a contact, I (or that bastard, Capps) can invite her to the group.
Y'all are behind the times. I've been sitting on mine for weeks, just waiting for the right opportunity.
Weeks? The thing came out at least a year and a half ago. What's next, talking about this groovy TV that lets you see programs in *color*?
Second tech bleg of the week: Has anyone ever bought a used cell phone on ebay? Because I don't want to extend my Sprint contract, I'm looking to buy a used phone. (I haven't bought anything off of ebay in a few years, and it seems to have gotten more complicated.) I guess that a lot of stolen phones wind up there, so it's important to make sure that the esn is clear. How does one do this? I called the basic Sprint customer care number 1-800 SPRINT 1 and got menu hell--menu hell that was compounded by the fact that Sprint and Nextel's merger has not been perfectly seamless; it's basically one company with two services.
With whom do I want to speak?
making the Fusion less-ideal than the Mach3 for my thick and manly beard hair
Ayup. I'll be keeping my Mach 3. If you have thick facial hair and aren't in the habit of shaving daily, the Fusion is not the razor for you.
On the plus side, that is some smooth shave. Perhaps only a bevy of nubile, sharp-toothed virgins gently nibbling off my whiskers could top it.
I am in the photo group! WHAT DO I DO NOW??
You can set your photos to share with the group.
Has anyone ever bought a used cell phone on ebay?
Yes, I bought unlocked and sealed-- I just moved my SIM from old to new. Many sellers of electronics there move volume, have long-established histories with lots of feedback. Alternately, many immigrant districts have mobile shops that sell unlocked phones; DC and Chicago both in proximity to Indian business centers; if you can find one, drop in your sim and verify that it works.
Thanks lw, but Sprint is not GSM. I don't have a SIM. I'd just need to tell them to switch service over to a different phone.
116--
right, and 61.2 was such a beautiful slam of the genuine misogyny inherent in the spirit of some comments like 12 (not saying yours in particular, yoyo, but the genre).
that's why i thought it was so funny, in an 'ouch that'll leave a mark' sort of way.
BG: I did this a couple of times when I had sprint, a few years ago. Mostly I was buying the same model I already had, just because they were cheap and I still liked them. I didn't really ever have trouble; I just got the phone, called up Sprint, and told them to switch service to the new ESN. General eBay hygiene should be good enough.
wait what.
12 had nothing to do with 'fuckability' or even her being a woman or anything.
129--
fair enough, you wrote it. but if you want to understand 61, as well as 72 & 76, then you should know that it sounded that way. (as did the original post, to me. or if not "i insist that everyone be fuckable", then at least "i insist that everyone be young, chic, and pleasing to look at").
The point of 61 was to both parallel and parody 12...and I maintain that the "ooh, gross, she was kind of fat and I couldn't tell what was hanging over her waistband thing is sexualized misogyny even if it's not motivated by a direct point-for-point consideration of fuckability. My point was that misogyny speaks us, that it's easy to tap into that "oh, that's not attractive, that's disgusting, look at the back hair and the flab and the pants that don't fit right and the age marks and the moles", when all we're looking at is a human body walking around. Disgusting? What's disgusting? Someone drooling blood into the gutter after the security forces have worked them over, that's disgusting.
Pardon me.
As far as it "being" anyone...it was a composite figure that I made up, actually, although I did temp in Target's marketing division a few years ago, and honestly, I don't believe that viscerally-felt "ooh, gross, look at the make-up/flab/bleached hair/cellulite" response is anything but suspect, a product of media and resentment.
So no, I don't actually notice people's shoes unless I like them.
I read 12 the way yoyo says he wrote it, which is why I was confused in the first place. Once you go past a certain level of godawfulness, gender is irrelevant.
Although I honestly don't like those poly-rayon-spandex tunics and dresses. What's wrong with a fine cotton jersey? So much cooler and more pleasant to the touch.
128: Thanks Nathan. The thing is that a lot of sellers say, "This is the ESN. Test it before you buy, because we won't give any refunds for activation issues."
i mentioned the somewhat-fatness, becuase it was part of my mental process of realizing she was not-really dressed.
sorry for how it came across though, frowner.
The idea that it should be in anyway noteworthy to be "accepting" of not wearing makeup kind of blew my mind.
132: I think, seriously, that the "oh gross that's godawful" response is tied up with misogyny, or the things that produce misogyny, even when it's directed at men. Even when I slip into it myself, that doesn't mean it's a way of thinking that I'm proud of.
But I think this could be one of those sadly humorless threads if we let it, and that would be a shame with B missing.
(I should emphasize that I think misogyny speaks us, not that yoyo or anyone in particular is a Big Bad Misogynist Who Will Be The First Up Against The Wall...)
136: That's okay. I'm sorry that perhaps it sounded like I was saying that you personally were responsible for Patriarchal Oppression.
misogyny, because of female being the 'on display' gender?
See, now that I read Frowner's explanation, I'm not buying it. Perhaps this is because my last such experience involved a 6'5"-ish hick with teeth what went out at weird angles, dressed in seriously crusty denim: I was very impressed. So, if I noted similarly striking, but female, person, and was suitably impressed, would I be guilty of "sexualized misogyny?"
Also, Someone drooling blood into the gutter after the security forces have worked them over==totally hott.
This is Frowner trying to tell us that there's no such thing as ugly people.
140: Because of the idea that there's sort of this unequal looking, that the unspoken goal is to dominate someone by looking at them and picking out the flaws, so that you're the looker and not the lookee. (Not you personally) And the idea that bodies ought to be judged against some weirdly abstract standard, like the body ought to be a dead plastic thing whether it wants to be or not, whether that's the point or not. Like people who go all "ooh, ick, her breasts have stretch marks on them now that she breast-fed".
I'm rambling now, but I'm making curry and I need to cook.
If you want to get really humorless, we could have the conversation about how all of these descriptions are, obviously, classist. My family is about 85% Southern poor "white trash," and most descriptions of gross and badly dressed people shamelessly in public could be applied to my aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Sometimes appreciating how beautiful someone (or even something) is requires you to also appreciate how shockingly ugly they are.
I'm not sure that makes sense, but I've been convinced its true for a while. Also "Everyone is hideous/ in their own way..."
Also, Someone drooling blood into the gutter after the security forces have worked them over==totally hott.
Well, there's plenty of slash fiction online to help you out with that, foolish.
I don't understand the other part. By "impressed" do you mean "astonished"? "Sexually attracted"? "Disgusted"? "Thought it was really great"? Because okay, if you meet someone with bad teeth dressed in crusty denim and you find them tremendously erotically compelling, I absolve you of misogyny--inasmuch as our sexuality isn't constructed around misogyny.
Ogged, I do sort of mean that there aren't "ugly" people...at least in the sense that what we find "ugly" isn't (and this is, really, almost Feminist 101) some kind of timeless EvPsych deal...oh, wait, you're trolling again; I know you know this stuff. Never mind.
I'm not trolling you, Frowner. I just disagree that there isn't broad intercultural agreement about what's beautiful and what's ugly.
The thing is, disgust and fascination go together with beauty and allure. Sexual attraction is situated in time and culture, not essential or abstract.
F'rinstance, I like people with physical flaws of one kind or another, people who are fat or scarred or weirdly built. It's, for me, a kind of perversity--there's a thrill in seeing what our culture says we shouldn't notice, valuing what it says we should despise. It's very intimate, looking carefully at someone to see the imperfections.
148 sounds like a pretty personal thing though.
Also, AWB is completely right in 145.
Now, I am going to make curry with squash and you can't stop me.
I am making a ratatouille and I note that I am doing so because I watched a movie about a rat and thought it might be something to do with all the zucchini.
hm. i'm going to go hit on girls by being the lookee. tell me when you make squashless curries.
149: Only you are stopping me!
Yes, it's personal, but it's also cultural. What I like isn't because I'm some kind of freak who wouldn't survive on the veldt (as true as that may be) but because our culture is so constructed that certain things are "normal" and certain are "perverse"...what I like is, just a little, perverse. If our culture valued shortness, for instance, I doubt that I'd be interested in short men. And although I may overthink this stuff, as far as I can tell everyone's sexuality is molded in similar ways by our culture, toward whatever striving-after-normal or whatever mild perversity.
Men being the lookees is teh hott, though, yoyo. Not just to me, I mean; to a variety of women. You might consider that approach, just for variety.
maybe frownerburg girls are more aggressive, or i'm road-carnage-rubbernecking-in-waiting, but for me the road to getting laid always goes through me being aggressive. lookee was my plan till i was like 20 and it had no success.
Also, AWB is completely right in 145.
No no, *I* was totally right in 145!
146: I went from "Disgusted" to "astonished" to "Thought it was really great."
144: I can suck a little more fun out by pointing out that "white trash" is also an inherently racist term. If "trash" needs the "white" modifier for clarity, non-whites get to be trash without even trying.
Not that I think most people are conscious of the implication, though their lack of consciousness is of course part of the problem. (And I make no implications about your illustrative usage to make your class point, AWB.)
159: I like to put it in quotes for that reason. It's a phrase I was raised never to say aloud.
OT graffiti just spotted on the coffeehouse wall:
What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?
VICE magazine had this conversation fifty years ago, then some decades later had it again on really good, angry drugs and it turned into DO's and DON'Ts.
DON'Ts greatest hits
DOs greatest hits
To threadjack: one of the highway bridges here in Minneapolis (35W) just collapsed into the Mississipi. It's pretty horrible. There's a bunch of cars in the river and a schoolbus. I can't even watch the coverage.
So if you're in Minnesota, well, you might want to turn on the TV.
What the fuck? Bridges are supposed to stay up! What the fuck?
Yeah, they are. Especially here. We're not California, large things aren't supposed to fall down. The bridge has been under construction this summer. Seeing the pictures of the cars and the bus in the river is pretty terrible.
oh god.
http://www.visi.com/~jweeks/bridges/pages/ms16.html
I think we can all get behind hating on collapsing bridges. Especially with people on them.
I did just see a report saying that the school bus "only" fell 35 feet and they've gotten the kids out...so maybe people and cars are more durable than I think. What a nightmare.
Collapsing bridges are a definite DON'T. Phuck.
frowner, is that bridge i linked to in 168 the same as the one you're seeing on tv?
I'm pretty sure it is--my grasp of car directions is a bit hazy, but that's the only one it can really be. I am astonished, really. We're a fairly small city. Everyone drives that way a lot, I used to myself all the time. It goes from just north of the University around downtown and branches off into a bunch of other things.
You-all can go back to discussing Vice Magazine; it won't mean you're heartless and evil....I didn't mean to totally derail everything; I was just shocked. I don't think anyone I know comes home from work that way regularly, at least.
This from a Minneapolis news station:
A school bus carrying approximately 20 to 30 children was able to stop just before the bridge collapsed into the river.
I am now ogged's contact on flickr. A personal bridge has collapsed.
There were, I think, two buses--at least there seemed to be one in the river itself.
Holy fuck, kittens! I didn't know there'd be kittens!
Oh oh. Infrastructure spending is very important, people. Minnesotans - help out with the follow up to this.
You know what's really scary, is that we've had a fairly decent record on infrastructure spending -- the 8th district congressman, Jim Oberstar, is on the Transportation Committee, and usually makes sure that we're covered on the important stuff.
As you can see from the pictures, however, this was by no means a new bridge. Scary.
Let's see them blame this on the Somalis!
(Fox kept emphasizing that the cause was "undetermined," until DHS said they didn't think it was terrorism.)
Oberstar is responsible for the MN bike trail system, which is wonderful (on old railway routes).
No fatalities yet, but I can't imagine that continuing. I cross that bridge at least weekly (in fact I was going to cross it tomorrow.) It has been under construction but the work has really only been surface work on the concrete, not the structure itself.
Shit.
I fucking hate our media sometimes. Sometimes bad things happen that are the fault of white people, too.
At least 4 fatalities AOTW. Glad to see Frowner and Minneapolitan here.
187: And South African apartheid, into which* Dave Matthews was born. So it's like, doubly bad.
*(under which? during which?)
Oh, and ukko! Sorry, didn't know you were a local.
I actually took Frowner's permission to go back to reading Dos and Don'ts.
Who else is MN? Emerson, parsimon?
B. comes through now and then. We oughta have a meetup.
What?
You can put me in MN if you like.
Yeah, let's really do a meet-up this time. Lots to talk about (not just bridge collapse, but 2008, etc.)
193: I hope this doesn't make it more difficult to get to Fargo.
194: done and done!
Dave Matthews retroactively caused South African apartheid.
I don't have anything more to add about the collapsing bridge until we know more. In the interim, I do kind of have a question about that "Dos and Don'ts of everything," though: is cocaine the new marijuana? And if so, is it possible to pinpoint when that happened? It's striking how in some contexts -- and Vice is a perfect example of this -- it's become almost normal to casually toss off references to coking out or doing a few bumps, in the same way people once talked about toking or dropping acid. This seems very different to me from how things were, say, ten years ago.
her pack of cigarettes and lighter stowed for safekeeping in the cleavage between her leathery tattooed breasts.
You do what you gots to do.
197: there is lots of cocaine around my U, that's for sure. Kids these days don't remember the 80s, y'know?
Also, I think ecstasy stopped working for people.
It's hardly the new marijuana, though. Marijuana is the new marijuana.
doing a few bumps
What? Man, I need to get out more.
Off to read the Dos and Donts. Apostrophes are so ... cloying. Too.
Coke? Huh, none of the hipsters I know are into that scene. It's more like: Weed, weed, Pabst, weed around here.
"Nose candy" s/b "yayo", or so the kids say.
Back to this bridge thing. Are we officially a third world nation now, or what?
199: Marijuana is the new marijuana.
Well sure, except it's lost most of its ability to inspire moral panic or the thrill of transgression. It just seems like Bolivia's finest is sort of sneaking into that "mildly transgressive gateway drug" role, despite being totally unsuited to it.
Mileage will vary according to locale, of course. Right now Slackville is pretty much snowed in with the stuff (and its worse variant is on the upswing), so it's something I think about. And it could be that the Vice guys and gals are in some cases just trying too hard -- which surely has to be the case with the whole "it's cool to dabble with heroin every six months or so" thing -- but I've noticed the re-signification of the white elsewhere, too.
I mean, if you can't count on the imperialist honky for infrastructure, what can you count on him for?
Man, I hate the media and their yammering. It is also possible to acknowledge the gravity of the event without the breathless-oh-my-gosh stream of consciousness blather. Take a breath, calm down, and report. We will all be better for it.
And it could be that the Vice guys and gals are in some cases just trying too hard
*gasp*
No!
204: Bridges collapsing can still be first world. Depends on what kind of response there is.
Bridge collapses aren't that new of a thing. I can't imagine it would seem to have such important if our government was functioning correctly otherwise.
Although, as I type that, I'm wondering how much of the upkeep on bridges in the Interstate Highway system is the responsibility of the feds?
208: I specialize in these shocking insights. I like to work on the edge.
Excellent book on the subject of engineering failures, which may or may not be relevant here.
Funny thing is that the politicos were just talking about the fact that the other bridge in the area, the Washington St. bridge, is weaker then they thought. Before the 35W bridge fell that only indicated that adding light rail through there would be more expensive than promised. Now it is oddly foreboding.
Anyhow, the twin cities imperialist-infrastructure-honkies do a terrible job on the pot holes around here, so who knows where else they are skimping.
Are we officially a third world nation now, or what?
I think so, but don't take my word for it. Ask someone from New Orleans.
I think that cocaine has been the new marijuana ever since Reagan was elected. It wasn't Reagan, though, it was GHW Bush.
Ask someone from New Orleans.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Between this and the small matter of the disappearing city last year, I've lost my faith in imperialist honky.
213: so it was honkitude fatigue?
216: this could be a very different situation than New Orleans, though. Minnesota is a tough environment for bridges, and it's not always easy to tell when (and how) you need to fix them. "Metal fatigue" and such concepts are still not all that well understood, and require a lot of complex-ass testing to get even a big picture understanding of how safe an older bridge is.
Not that this should make anybody feel more comfortable.
6 dead, but they are hedging in a way that makes me think that there are more dead in the water. Sounds like the kids on the school bus are OK.
Yeah, you said it on the potholes, ukko. Were you here 8 or 10 years ago when there was a gigantic crater every 100 feet on Lyndale Ave. S.?
Anyhow, I really am shocked by this, and that's saying a lot. That was just such a plain old quotidian bridge. Compared to the thrill of driving over the Lake St. bridge when they had half of it torn away a few years ago, going across the Mississippi on 35W has always seemed so dull. I guess it just goes to show that it's always wise to stick to the Hennepin Ave. bridge if you can -- at least I've always heard that the suspension portion of it is completely superfluous because it's too short to be a real suspension bridge.
Thanks again for nothing, Pawlenty!
What I've heard so far is that only 2 of the children on the bus were injured seriously enough to be sent to the hospital, and they apparently walked away from it. As many have commented, you could hardly pick a better place to be injured in a disaster: 1 mile from a Level I trauma center and 1 block from Red Cross headquarters.
Well, she could be classy; it depends on what the tattoos were.
This probably isn't time for a funny story but I'll tell it anyway:
When I was living in New Orleans, a cargo ship crashed into the Riverwalk Marketplace (a big touristy mall built on the riverfront) and there was all kinds of breathless news coverage about the hundreds of people who were feared dead and bodies floating in the river. Turns out nobody was killed and the "bodies" were all mannequins from The Gap.
I was thinking that. Damn, if that's the comment that finally crossed the line...
Has anyone linked to this? They're totally cute and funny. Six episodes.
223: Gallows humor keeps us sane.
Well maybe not sane, but at standard levels of crazy.
228 - I think I know the format for Capps and LOLCath's victory vlog.
"Russian women punch much harder than their husbands" is brilliant.
Is this the blog where we pretend to respect each other's opinions? No? AWB, that's horrible.
There's a blog where people pretend to respect each other's opinions?
OTOH, the setup where one of them isn't supposed to know what "going all the way" means doesn't really work.
You ever have that feeling, after you've just cleaned up the ants that are all over your kitchen, that there are ants on you? The problem is that there probably are a few ants on you, but the sensation isn't dependable. So in order to get two little ants off of you, you need to flail at yourself nineteen times.
I bet they don't really need to shower. LAME.
I thought they were pretty funny. The pain relief one is cute.
237: Maybe you should try weaning yourself off gradually, rather than quitting cold turkey.
I thought 238 really was to 237; take a shower, Wrongshore, that'll get 'em.
I got bit by mosquitoes all over my legs this weekend, and when I'm not actually itching, I'm feeling phantom mosquitoes biting me all over. It's horrible and I long for it to end.
I've been feeling phantom mosquitos all over my legs all night, as a matter of fact. I keep closing doors and windows on the assumption that there's a hole in a screen, but possibly I'm just psychotic.
The real bummer is that I'm going to have to start cleaning up after myself. Although in my experience, that doesn't do a whole lot. If you don't give them food, they just get into dirty underwear.
A neighbor of mine used to surround the entire apartment building with sugar, on the principle that it would give them something to do all summer long.
I wonder if it is merely a coincidence that the "is coke back?" and "hey - I feel phantom bugs on my limbs" topics came up in the same thread.
230- in undergrad, for a departmental party where various skits and whatnot were performed by members, we made a fake recruiting video for our physics department.
I played "The Naked Professor" who was willing to let his students have flexible working conditions. It was pretty convincing. The manilla folders were artfully placed.
246: and, by implication, that I had something to say about both of them?
Let's hope so.
that doesn't do a whole lot
I don't know. I think I've mentioned before that this solved my ant problem in a previous place: 1) follow them to their holes 2) RAID the bejesus out of the holes 3) clean up 4) put out ant traps along the paths they used to take. No more ants. Some people don't like RAID, but that's only because they haven't had enough ants yet.
I've had pretty good luck with ant chalk. There's also the Richard Feynman "teach them a new scent trail" technique, if you're (a) a genius or (b) insane and (c) have an enormous amount of time on your hands.
I was a big RAID fan but the new gf objects strenuously to poison. One the one hand, she was a bug-massacring entomologist so it's more about living with poison than about pity for bugs. On the other hand, her kitchen is covered in ants, and the two bottles of RAID I already own may as well get used, right? Wouldn wanna waste RAID.
"Follow them back to their holes" IME is harder than it sounds. These are the little Argentinian ants; they come from nowhere.
Wrongshore, it almost sounds like you've inherited both my old place and my old girlfriend. If so, the RAID will get used.
These are the little Argentinian ants; they come from nowhere.
Shockingly racist.
Ogged, thanks for leaving me your special sock under the bed. I needed one of those.
BTW I think if pwnage has the same time stamp, the pwned should have the opportunity to demand a Coke.
If anyone besides Tweety wants something to listen to, I caught Castledoor opening for Bishop Allen last night and they were just golden beams of light, not of pee. In the orchestral pop mode of Jellyfish etc.
If anyone who is me needs something to listen to (and watch!) I can highly recommend Neptune!
Gosh, that's terrific Tweety, thanks! I wonder if they're playing anywhere soon? I bet lots of unfogged commenters would like to go!
I'm sure that's true, Tweety. I'm sure that's true.
Traditional management of Argentinian ants involves tiny blindfolds and tiny planes flying out over the ocean.
257: and the glamorous ant wives of ant dictators crooning away in hackneyed musical ant theater.
Don't cry for me Argentine ants
For you don't have aaaaaaany tear ducts
251:
Still a poison but if you use the liquid bait it doesn't have to be sprayed all over like an aerosol. It is also the most effective ant killer I have ever used.
257 is horrible.
I'm sure he's really only going to fly paper airplanes into the bathtub.
They used to execute dissidents in Iran that way too: fly out over the sea and throw them alive, bound in sacks, into the sea. I bet there's an evil dictator IRC channel where they all hang out.
Didn't Idi Amin do the same thing?
I say you just leave out a big pile of cocaine where the ants gather. Enough for them to all overdose.
Hi I'm an evil dictator and I keep getting these dissidents showing up? And this wasn't in the help file? It says use helicopter but it doesn't say how to turn it on, so I gave the helicopter to a dissident and now he's strafing my troops? Plz hlp.
Let a million ant Len Biases croak
You know there's going to be one Alvy Singer ant who ruins it for the rest of 'em.
Tonight, I'm going for a quick mop followed by individual stomping. We'll see: if they persist, I may just RAID. Although the gf is at home finishing off Harry Potter tonight, so maybe this is the right time.
I bet there's an evil dictator IRC channel where they all hang out.
Probably hosted someplace like, say, Langley, Virginia.
I say you just leave out a big pile of cocaine where the ants gather.
Wrongshore lives in LA, right? He's probably got that already.
the gf is at home finishing off Harry Potter tonight
By throwing him out of a helicopter?
Gosh yes, it accumulates like snowdrifts there. Cars getting stuck, movie star kids with sleds, the whole deal.
I... what?
You have to get up early and listen to see if school has been canceled on account of cocaine.
Let a million ant Len Biases croak
I knew you wouldn't let 257 go outdone, Sifu.
The title of the post is "classy", after all.
fly-paper airplanes into the bathtub
What?! That would just make a mess. Though, I guess a stray ant here and there might stick to the wreckage.
Where's Bridgeplate? The last twenty comments remind me of the golden days of the blog.
All snark aside, Argentina is a lovely country fouled by hideous politics. If you want to see what the U.S. will look like in 50 years, it's worth the $800 to catch a flight down to BA. It's like 75% off, Everything Must Go!, Paris. One night there I saw Mad Professor and Lee Perry, bought way more weed than I needed to, and drinks without count for under fifty dollars. Argentina has American history and Italian jurisprudence, and passes the savings on to you.
That was wizard cocksucker travelogue.
This is hardly the time to cat snark aside, foolishmortal. Ogged has led us to the very precipice of introducing watersports jokes to the thread.
Ant dictators high on cocaine cancelling school so as to kill off Harry Potter... with urine? As a fetish!? Structurally unsound or no, this is a bridge we must cross.
284: ant man need no girl! Ant man have helicopter!
281: No women?
I'm sure that has nothing to do with why it was so funny, AWB, you sexist.
Anywho, I'd worry that ants, being basically the efficient, cooperate Japanese of the animal kingdom, would become insanely active on cocaine. For about a month, they would literally rule the world. After that, posses of worker ants would dunk the queen ants in syrup while the rest of colony jerked off. Might be cool.
Well, that night, utterly coincidentally (honest, seriously (what's the safe-word that means you're not kidding?)) Mr. Lee "Scratch" Perry revealed himself to be a crazy old man, mumbling in that dub style of his about the Pope and various other things, culminating in an impassioned, but rhythmed, tirade about Harry Potter sodomizing (among others) himself with a broomstick. Mad Professor did ok for himself, but there's only so much you can do with the equipment when you've got material like that.
287: I was just busting your balls since B isn't here.
289:
Once the queen has been killed, hormones in a dominant worker produce a transformation.
In case anyone is interested: bridge collapses apparently look much worse than they are! (Reassuring for my walk to work during which I cross the mighty Mississippi.) So far only four confirmed fatalities and sixty injured.
That about the ants? Very funny!
Most of the cars on the collapsed portion actually in the river looked driveable to me. Olberman gave his show over to it about the time you started commenting about it here, and was pretty good, I thought.
Glad to hear it (and from you), Frowner. Which other Mineshaft Constituents are in the Minneapolis area?
Although the number of deaths in all the new sources I frequent is seven, not four.
Where's Bridgeplate?
Sleeping. I tried not-sleeping for a while, now I'm trying this other thing. In theory this should help me bring the monster funny, but it takes away so much prime commenting time.
sb, in my experience you *always* bring the monster funny.
Weren't you here for my bitter period, you unobservant wretch?
298: Your bitter period was hilarious to watch. Sorry.
I see. I've moved on to a killing-my-detractors-with-knives period, FYI.
Well I'm certainly looking forward to seeing that. Please note that there are no credible accounts of me ever detracting anyone fitting your description.
"I see. I've moved on to a killing-my-detractors-with-knives period, FYI." s/b "SPARTA!"
My detractors without knives are safe for now.
Although the number of deaths in all the new sources I frequent is seven, not four.
There are something like 30 people missing, so let's not get too sanguine. If we act all worried, maybe Bridgeplate will let them live.
On the subject of class, I can't tell you how ready I am to have a president who doesn't behave like a snotty eighth-grader.
He really is a villainous villain. 27%, baby.
305: It's really classy of you apo to bump up Bush's behavior to the sophistication of an eighth-grader.
I just rode the elevator with a guy who told me all about how the Minnesota bridge collapse had to be an act of terrorism being covered up by the government.
I swear to god.
308: My mother just told me the same thing. "Dust clouds" + "Strange noises" = "Terrorists"
