So this is a thread where you talk about how you're going to score with a lifeguard?
SURE, LET'S IGNORE THE IMPORTANT ISSUES. IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVE WAR CRIMINALS IN THE OVAL OFFICE OR ANYTHING.
GRANNY
Hear the one about the blind carpenter who put down his hammer and saw?
Great. So we're all like, literally political prisoners of ogged.
I can't believe ogged actually deleted my comment. That joke slayed in the 1790s.
There once was a man from Nantucket.
He owned a sailboat.
I haven't seen him in over a year.
...And they said, "I don't know what you've got in mind, but usually we get on the camel and he takes us to the girls."
I go to all that effort and ogged deletes the setup! ATTICA!
If we don't have to be funny, I'm just going to tell you some stuff that has made me happy recently:
- When Snarkout and I were walking home the other day, an enormous hawk swooped down only a few feet away from us, so we could suddenly see its huge white-and-black underside right at eye level. It was astonishing, and very cool. (Whatever small mammal it swooped to catch apparently ran away in time to evade the deadly talons.)
- My dissertation committee is complete, thanks to the addition of someone far snazzier and more suitable than I would have been able to find at my home institution.
- Our new mattress arrived today. No more tired old springs poking me in the back. (No double entendre intended.)
- I am currently consuming a delicious bourbon on the rocks.
Did you get one of those fancy foam mattresses or just regular?
That's it??? 'Candor' was all that was required?
That's fucking hilarious.
20: I was just reading that. Funny, but at least it leaves the cheater Bonds on the hook.
There's something about Giambi's facial expression that says 'haunted.' Just me?
I really wonder if those fancy foam mattresses are any good, or if they get all squished down and ruined within a few years.
Just regular type. Compared to our old, very worn out one, anything new is a great improvement. Also, memory foam is unappealing to me -- I don't like the way it sort of sucks you in. The more sproingy latex foam is nice though; that's what my current pillow is made of, and it's pretty great. If we ever want to spend quite a bit more money on a mattress, I might want to get one that was latex, or latex around a something-else core. There are wool/latex mattresses that sound kind of spiffy.
Great site!
Would you consider a Link Exchange with The Internet Radio Network?? At the IRN you can listen for free to over 27 of America's top Talk Shows via FREE STREAMING AUDIO!
A friend with back trouble has a memory foam mattress and goddamn loves that thing. I too wondered about whether it was hard to move around in it but friend says "no." Not sure I believe.
Now I'm drinking some delicious coconut water.
Ahem:
/* Because of various limiting factors in the technology, this function always returns y */
{ return x; }
28: Can you sleep at your friend's place for a few days and let me know kthx.
Rocky, check your damn email why dontcha.
Nooo, it's delicious! Only good cold, though. Actually, I can easily see how one might dislike it, but I love it, especially with spicy food or when I've just been exerting myself.
I drank quite a bit of it last year during my search for low-sugar sources of potassium but it always wound up making me feel kind of ill. But in the spirit of comity, I'm glad you like it, you monster.
Coconut water tastes good for about 11/100 of a second and then has a horrible aftertaste.
you monster.
Ogged, why are you going out of your way to stir things up?
Like all of Ogged's posts, this one carries significant undertones of homoeroticism. I'm starting to think it's me.
I laugh at every opinionated gramma post
Speaking of memory foam, I really want this.
A top flight mattress will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I was going to get one of those memory foam mattresses, but it was going to be a three-week delay in delivery and I wanted a new mattress right then. So we got the turbodeluxingest coil mattress that had a 2" memory foam pillowtop on it. Oh God, do I love that mattress.
I was amazed; I thought I was getting achy and creaky from age, but it turns out I'd just had shitty mattresses all my life. If you spend extra for any single thing in your life, that's my recommendation.
35: I find that depends a lot on the source. Zico brand doesn't have that problem for me, but other brands sometimes do. I have yet to have the fresh stuff.
Anyway, I'm curious about whether coconut water is going to be on sale in every corner cafe in a few months, the way it seems to be in New York. It does seem to be a thing where it either really hits the spot for you, or is icky. I loathe bananas, so the potassium is a nice feature.
So what did you get, apo? The mattress business is easily as slimy as the used car business, so specific recs are appreciated.
Like all of Ogged's posts, this one carries significant undertones of homoeroticism.
There was a very short period I actually worried that Ogged's ironic hipster lolhomoeroticism was just a manifestation of genuine closetedness.
So, who else has a SULTAN HÖGBO?
I got the impression from threads (gay chicken ones i think, or maybe comments over at ezras or something) that i was told my hipsterlolhomoeroticism was a manifestation of my homophobia.
I am a monster, though. Rorrughrrowerararar.
If you spend extra for any single thing in your life, that's my recommendation.
Yeah, it turns out that good sleep is a remarkable tonic. Not that you should know at the moment, Apo.
43: Eh, I think that there are some other places that you could spend "extra" money first.
Like toilet paper. Life's too short of cheap toilet paper.
ANYTHING MEN DO WITH OTHER MEN IS A MAN
IFESTATION OF HOMOPHOBIA
A Simmons Beautyrest, about five years ago.
Ok, thanks.
Sorry, what I meant was: gay.
I would be gay for this mattress.
I read somewhere that mattress retailers all have slightly different make names and model numbers, each of which is exclusive to that chain of mattress/furniture stores, to confound comparison shoppers. We just gave up and bought one that seemed appropriate from Costco. (A Sealy.)
Life's too short of cheap toilet paper.
I don't know, I think life is pretty long on cheap toilet paper.
Aren't we all supposed to be getting those happy butt water shooters anyway?
Hey, Unfogged, tell me what I should make for dinner.
If Lunar's not a vegetarian, I'll eat a burger.
life is too short to wipe your ass with something dry
She didn't ask what she should eat for dinner.
Poop!
Oh, wait, now we don't have to be funny?
Phew!
69: Well, that eliminates the pork shoulder braised in milk.
Hey, Unfogged, tell me what I should make for dinner.
Fuck make, get some of the little Vietminh sandwiches. (BTW, thanks to Bob for describing them so well in "About." I love 'em, and wouldn't have tried them but for him.)
I don't understand your animosity towards me, ogged, or your desperate supposition that a humorous attitude can be attained by force.
Frankly, I'm more than a little hurt by the whole affair.
Are you smoking the crack, Ogged? My background is half Polish, half Southern Redneck.
I am as close as I can be to being the opposite of a vegetarian without severe intesinal problems.
You could make some summer squash gratin and have it with a green salad dolled up with orange supremes and some mysterious asian lemony herb.
74: I had a Vietnamese sandwich for the first time today at lunch. Jesus Pete, I would stand in line for those.
Frankly, I'm more than a little hurt by the whole affair.
Save the cheering up for when I'm really down, Ben.
Anyone know where to get them in Midtown NY? They do sound good, but I've never noticed them for sale.
71.1 to 70 only after the fact.
Goddamit. I can't recommend clams to LROC without being totally, totally sexist, EVEN THOUGH I REALLY DID JUST EAT SOME AND THEY WERE DELICIOUS.
I blame the mattriarchy. Apo.
Goddamn you, Ogged. God damn you.
Also, w-lfs-n, I love you. Never change, baby, never change.
Seriously, no?
Yeah, they opened this place down the road from where I work, and Roberta came and met me for lunch there with the baby. Synchronicity.
Y'all are talking about banh mi, right? You might look here, LB.
Wait, what are these sandwiches? I'd even be funny for you if I could get one.
74, 80: Banh Mi are unspeakably awesome.
Not to hard to make, if you're not fussy about accuracy. Daikon radishes, cured meat, cilantro, good baguette: these are key.
We really dig our Tempur-pedic with the softer foam top layer.
Best.Bed.Evah.
Oh. Oh, those are beautiful. And a quick googling reveals nothing of their like in my town.
59: Not to say that I wouldn't go gay for any of the reasonably good mattresses, but have you thought about good blankets? Damn.
Up here in the North, in winter-time, what makes the most difference to my sleeping is the quality of the comforter or quilt.
I linked to the recipe I use for homemade banh mi somewhere in the archives; one of you enforcers of the Oldfagriarchy might want to dredge it up. Anyway: you can make them and they are yum.
Resolved: Lunar Rockette should make banh mi for dinner.
97: Resolved: Lunar Rockette should make banh mi for me for dinner.
Yep, it is, and yes, I think I will. Mmmm, banh mi.
Some of the Oldfagriarchy move more slowly these days.
If there's ever a Bay Area meetup/potluck/BBQ, I'll bring banh mi.
Also, B and I are talking shit about Ogged behind his back! It's awesome.
I know! I'm reading your e-mail!
I didn't even know you could have hair there.
Tweety, that's not fair. Ogged's hair problem really isn't for public discussion.
If there's ever a Bay Area meetup/potluck/BBQ, I'll bring banh mi.
You know I've just been struck with the oddest thought...
Sanctity of off-blog hirsuteness and all that?
w-lfs-n, go talk some crazy w-lfs-n talk in the Transhumanist discussion on the Virgin/Whore thread, it needs you.
Meetup/potluck/BBQ at Wolfon's in 25 minutes! He'll be wearing a bib.
109: Well, more like, I mean, *that* particular thing is, y'know, especially private and embarrassing. Have a li'l mercy.
Oh, my phantom Vietnamese sandwiches... lost to me for all time, like the gentle baiji.
I'm finding it hard to believe one could make anything vietnamese w/o fish sauce. But why would you want to make one anyway? You're unlikely to do better than the pros,and they're like $2.
112: hey, I'm not the one hunting all over creation for chlorine-resistant x-ray film.
114: pho doesn't have fish sauce either.
Hey, I just thought of the 100% best place ever for a Boston meetup. Best Vietnamese food I've ever had, and I've looked long and hard on several continents.
Apparently there's a place with decent banh mi within walking distance. Oh, I dunno, maybe I should just have McDonald's.
I defy you to try the Viet Fisherman's Soup, Rolling Chicken, and freshly made spring rolls, and still tell me that. Plus, it's BYOB.
But really, Viet Fisherman's Soup: greatest food of all time.
Also, w-lfs-n, you are worse than Ogged.
117: the soup I'm thinking of is somewhat similar to #42 at the place you linked.
What? Lunar—Rocky—what do you mean?
I've never had one.
F'real? You live in the mecca of banh mi, and you've never had one? Go to Cam Huong in Oakland Chinatown already.
I'm about to walk down and get some. It better be fucking fantastic, people.
Then we'll have to listen to his wang talking about its feelings for fucking ever.
Although, thinking about it, "I'm about to walk down and get some" is... certainly an interesting statement.
Our new mattress arrived today. No more tired old springs poking me in the back.
A new mattress really is an amazing thing.
I didn't even get a chance to fail to be funny.
You do that at your own blog all the time, Mr Reasonable.
Oh, you know, change of pace, chance to get over to someone else's house and be unfunny and prolix there.
Banh mi liveblogging! The Acquisition:
32 minutes to go, order, wait, receive, walk back. The place: deserted, seedy. Smelled fantastic, but that was the pho. Service: "How big are they?" [Points to drawing on menu.] "Ah, ok."
Next: The Unwrapping!
Unwrapped! Looks good, in a foreign kind of way. Photos later.
Flavor: Not bad. Slightly sweet, slightly bitter. Could be fresher, more zingy. Meat is good. Bread is more roll-ish and doughy than expected. They did call them "french roll" sandwiches.
What kind did you get? Also, did the place you go warm up the roll beforehand?
Sounds like they didn't make it fresh, ogged. They gotta make it fresh.
What kind of meat did you get?
I got two beef and two chicken. I'm having the chicken now. It took ten minutes to get it, so they must have been doing something back there, and yes, the roll was warmed up.
Forget it: you had to go and get it. No delivery.
Meat is good
I like this part. What kind of meat?
In Puerto Rico many moons ago, when buying empanadillas at a roadside stand, we kept brokenly asking, "Que tipo de pescado?" Answer: "Pescado, pescado!"
Gotcha.
(I asked because in my experience, every single restaurant in Oggedville is horrible. But.)
You have to be Japanese to appreciate it here, Polack.
More like Chinese, if gruesome dim sums if yore are any indication.
Also: hah hah.
No no, this is no place for Chinese food.
Polack
It's gonna take more than that to convince everyone you don't like poles, ogged. (IYKWIM, AITYD.)
That doesnt look so good. But it is still better than my meal of a cheeseburger at my son's football practice.
I really need to convince them to sell sushi at the ball field.
Not to beg the redaction, but 1) Rockyville is just as good for Japanese food, trust me, 2) the Bay Area actually completely blows for certain kinds of Japanese food compared to Los Angeles, ie, sushi, and 3) the real point, which is man, Oggedville is lame, sucka.
Stanley:
WHERE IS MY COLLEGE INN PIZZA?
Now having the beef. Not bad. A lot more cilantro and carrot on this one; the first one might have been a lemon.
144: Dude, you couldn't post a pic of a non-gnawed on sandwich? No one wants to see your chewed food.
You don't know from Oggedville, cracker. What's the best place to get ramen here? Huh? Huh?
Not enough Daikon, if the picture is an indication.
That sandwich hadn't been touched, B. Keep ratcheting up that credibility and we'll have to make you President or something.
149: Calm down, will. That shit isn't that good anyway. But I am planning to go to Dr. Ho's this weekend. I'll forward you the doggie bag.
The best place to get ramen is like a minute walk from my house, motherfucker.
Yes, I know you qualified it, I don't care.
150: So beef is better than chicken. There's news. Didn't they offer pork?
Yeah, I think they had pork. Next time. I'm muslim, you know.
(If there's actually good ramen in Oggedville, I'm going to have to beat up my Oggedville-dwelling friends for holding out on me and torturing me with slimey chinese.)
this is no place for Chinese food.
Once in oggedville I shall never take my menu from any national cuisine.
104: Don't feel threatened, B.
Dr. Ho's is certainly far superior to College Inn. I just didnt want you to have to bike so far. Plus, you can get great pie next door.
Go a little further down the road to the Covesville Store and get some Raspberry Jalapeno jelly. Delicious.
Lunar, you're kinda pwning yourself here. There are several ramen places here and at least one of them is very good.
Trust me, regardless of their goodness, they are wholy inferior to those of Rockyville, for very obvious reasons.
Ok, enough with the local blogging. Apologies to people who live in the rest of the world.
I will say that banh mi seems to have a lot of potential and I'm not not enjoying what I got.
Ben, I don't get the allusion (if such there be).
Funny, I had that poem in mind when I wrote the line about Chinese food, but obviously didn't remember the rest of it.
Also, all my Oggedville-dwelling friends have vacated for friendlier, tastier locales, so I'd need a reason to put my beliefs on Oggedville cuisine up for possible invalidation.
165: by acknowledging that, you reveal yourself a stranger in your own land.
I think the only place in CrypticNed/JRothTown with banh mi is a woman under an umbrella in front of a grocery store on Penn Avenue somewhere near 23rd street. I presume she's there at the same time the rest of the Strip District is open.
She only has one type of sandwich and it's $3. I'm always torn between that and a fish sandwich at Wholey's.
Have nothing to prove, you mean, O-dog.
So, Ogged, I have a question.
Technically, that was a statement.
Hit me, Rockdog, but nothing I'll have to redact.
Nothing, too reticent to prove, redacted.
Blurry phone picture of sandwich.
Ogged, were you raised by wolves? What have you done to that sandwich?
People, I unwrapped the sandwich, removed the top from one half so that you ingrates could see inside, and snapped a picture. That's all.
It was already cut in half? Clearly that was the problem.
Nevermind; I am too reticent.
However, you never ate that hamburger.
Dude, you guys are totally fucking, aren't you?
Dude, you guys are totally fucking, aren't you?
I swear to god, I was just starting to type "L-Rock, you know some people think we're flirting..." when I decided to refresh the thread.
185: as opposed to just oral sex, yes.
I know some people think that, O-dog.
Impossible, we all know Ogged has a biological penis.
(Oh, goddamnit, Elemund just called me and said something brilliantly hilarious that I can't fucking say because it will require redaction. Shit.)
we all know Ogged has a biological penis
You all do?
190: unless you grew a vagina, I know better, too. Still, 'thell?
191: Ooh! Oooh! Allude! Elide! But share!
193: Wolf-boy emailed the photo to all of us. Pretty convincing, at least.
Sifu, if you had thought to call me O-dog, I would have flirted with you, too. I'm easy that way.
I would never have imagined. Please, for the love of god, nobody ever call me Tweet-dog.
HL, do you know the nice three-initialized young Chinese man of great angriness who was elemund's college roommate and also worked at MayNotExistCo for a time? And, further, do you know the SF suburb in which he dwelled for some time before leaving for tastier climes?
I see you as more of an S-Hound, Tweety.
Wow, I just outed my "dealing with dodgy WoW related stuff" email to Ogged. Ohnoes.
Shut up, Ogged, it's funnier this way.
This thread is as exciting as watching Korean Language financial news. You could at least SPEAK ENGLISH maybe and then redact later. Or, like, e-mail each other and repost the cock jokes here.
Also, everybody already knows that ogged lives in Alameda. Why else would she get the tattoo?
Well, Sifu, considering you already made the joke but with the wrong commenter, let's just consider it settled.
S-Hound almost inexorably becomes Zounds. Which I can imagine quickly becoming Z-Slice. Maybe Z for short.
"The only body you could find was a woman... and a GAMER? Ibob, you're fired."
"But Master Frankenogged, all the cemeteries are in Colma!"
"BLAST! She'll have to do. Bring me BitchPhD's brain."
209: Eh?
Oh, for fuck's sake: Also, everybody already knows that ogged lives in Alameda. Why else would she get the tattoo?
207: see, I was thinking like "sound," but drunkenly slurred. Which is appropriate, in its way.
211: still lost. The wrong commenter? Ogged lives in Standpipe?
Do banh mi typically have MSG? My heart's a little poundy, and not just for Z-Slice.
You be my O-dog, and I will give you heart disease.
I think they have a fair amount of salt in the meat; dunno if that sets you off.
Most of the places I've gotten them have proudly proclaimed their lack of MSG, so that could point either way. But if you're liable to croak if you guess wrong, break out the epipens or whatever.
This is the least funny thread initiated by a complaint about unfunny threads ever.
It's funny, you just aren't seeing those parts.
Yeah, I actually deleted all the funny comments.
146: I think that Stanley is Stanislaus.
Also, sauerkraut. Mmmmm.
nice three-initialized young Chinese man of great angriness
Not ringing any bells. I'm no fun at all! But, uh, you should mail me anyway so we can stop BOTHERING THESE NICE PEOPLE WITH OUR CIRCUMLOCUTIONS. The address I use here is valid.
I think that Stanley is Stanislaus
Not on the birth certificate, but you're right on the origin. Growing up in Chicagoland, I attended St. Benedict's, but St. Stanislaus' was right across town and b-balled against us. My true loyalties were always in-question.
Poles! Woo!
Polacks are fucking everywhere. I do like their ethnic food: sauerkraut and horseradish and sausage.
Hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
Note that Heebie is boycotting.
I'm declaring the banh mi MSG-full. I know that weird feeling. I'll have to ask in the future.
Yeah, GB, I saw that. I can't believe no one drowned. You live in a very strange place.
OT: just thought of a boss pseud: "Onanymous"
Available!
Check your email, O-dog.
Don't people just regularly check their email? Doesn't it, in fact, "ding" for most people when an email arrives?
An onanymouse would selflessly generate utility setoffs without any human intervention. You wouldn't even have to jerk them off personally, just give them food and water and let the utils pile up.
Don't people just regularly check their email?
Not everyone has it open all the time. I mean, I do, but there are people who don't.
I emailed you 3 minutes ago Ogged. WTF??!!??!
Some people do have multiple emails. One good friend of mine checks his email once a day, and God bless him for that. I wish I had his self-control.
I am always already checking my e-mail, Stanley.
When I get an e-mail, my computer snaps the hips.
I rarely check my personal email when I'm at work, and I rarely check my work email when I'm away from work.
I rarely check Hamilton's e-mail.
Anything else you want to admit to, Lovecraft? Do you also beat up old ladies?
Check your email, people! Maybe I want something from you just then.
Do you also beat up old ladies?
Sexist.
Maybe I want something from you just then.
...
My parents check their (joint!) e-mail about once a week.
It's ok, I don't want anything from old people.
Pretty much all they get is forwarded jokes and promotions from websites they've used in the past. They're not very technologically oriented.
Hey, Ogged, what's the word for someone who waits for an occasion to be scandalized?
Hey, Unfogged community, what's the word for someone who waits for an occasion to be scandalized?
B.
Wait. This isn't multiple choice?
Funny, I was going to say B, too.
(Sifu, in trouble, waits)
Dude, how unfunny is this? I was sitting by my kitchen window, talking on the phone, and there's a person, suddenly, on the other side of the window, on the fire escape, trying to get into my apartment. Calling the police and dealing with that shit all night? Super-fun. Far less fun, of course, would have been getting killed. (My blood is worth a lot in money rituals.)
Holy shit AWB. Did they find them? Do you have somebody over for approximate reassurance?
264: Naw. I called the police and then called my friend back while I waited for things to settle down. They never came and told me what happened, but the alarm on the roof door was going off, so I figure some asshole tried to go on the roof and then thought it would be fun and easy to get some sucker to let him in their apt window. I was having none of it. I see a face six inches from mine at 1am, and I scream and call the police.
265: I didn't bother to register anything about the face. I don't even know if it's someone I know.
It's possible I overreacted, but I've been reading Charles Brockden Brown's Wieland, in which a woman goes to open her closet in the middle of the night, and there's a dude there who was waiting to murder/rape her. It wasn't the best imaginative context for the moment.
That is, the police did come to investigate, and they were out there with the alarm going until just a few minutes ago, so they probably found the person and were trying to verify that it was some douchebag who didn't believe the alarm sign. I didn't hear any gunfire or sounds of a struggle. ....or maybe the Fire Escape Walker still walks the night! Woooooooo....
I see a face six inches from mine at 1am, and I scream and call the police.
No wonder you can't get a second date.
Wow, something self-pitying woulda been funnier, Ben. I'm sorry.
My excuse is not having first dates.
When I see a face six inches away from my own at 1AM I put away the mirror, sheepishly wash all the cocaine off my face, and go to bed.
I'm sorry, 221 is the only funny statement in the entire thread.
At American center what you think,
The doctor told me I had to drink?
He said "Take this advice from me, buddy
"And go back to the West Indies!"
"What you need is:
"Drink the coconut water!"
The pho and banh mi in Frogtown in St. Paul is second to none.
"What you need is:
"Drink the coconut water!"
Ye gods it's been 50 years since I heard that.
"Drink the coconut water
Plenty good for your daughter*" etc etc.
Song is "Coconut Woman" by I don't know who, Harry Bela-bloody-fonte?
* "daughter" in Jamaican in the 60s, and, from this, in Trinidadian in the 50s, just meant "girlfriend younger than you".
Gothic novels should be kept away from sensitive young girls.
Some of us sensitive young girls have to take oral examinations next month.
I'm sure there's a non-innuendic way to read that, but who cares?
Practice, practice, practice, AWB.
(Sifu, in trouble, waits)
Aw, sweetie, all ya gotta do is ask. Don't forget to say "please, ma'am."
281: I often wish there was a non-innuendic way to say it. "Oral examination" is the tree that bears low-hanging fruit wherever it is planted.
I often wish there was a non-innuendic way to say it.
"Exams."
285: But one must distinguish from the comprehensive written exams.
In my program, they're very different tasks. The writtens are taken after the first year, in a big group, and graded anonymously, while the orals are committee-run, with lists, and it's a big dramatic deal. Of course, everyone says to just act like it's not a big deal and just get the damn thing done.
288: Must we push this thread that far?
They are very different, BUT,
(a) not all schools do it the same way
(b) if the person you're talking to doesn't know that, "orals" alone won't clear it up for them
(c) if you're talking to someone in the midst of it, "orals" won't even register as dirty, most of the time
(d) "major subject exams".
Ooh! Subject exams! This is excellent. I will foil fellatio jokes at my expense wherever I go!
"major subject exams"
Baby, I gotta major subject for you right here.
Dammit Heebie, you are NOT HELPING.
The anal exam comes only after the PhD has been sentenced and is being taken into custody. It is sometimes called "the job interview".
I wish job interviews were that fun.
291: not all schools do it the same way
Ain't that the truth.
297: "sentenced" s/b "abducted"; "custody" s/b "the mothership"
I think the coconut song is by Harry Nilsson.
