Fuck you heebie, figure it out yourself.
GAASP! My freaking ears!
I would like to echo Lunar Rockette's request that talk about people's laptops be confined to the thread that nobody is posting in anymore.
Becks: totally mean. I was this close to getting my opinions on Twisty in order.
If you're going to put up a post here titled "Virgin/Whore," you need to be prepared for the consequences.
The chances that I am going to do any useful work today would seem to be roughly nil. Instead, I wrote several pages of dissertation that accomplished nothing but working myself entirely off the track of where this chapter needs to go. Awesome work, me!
*gnashes teeth*
Whoa, that thread got over a thousand comments? I stopped following it like 2 days ago.
Check this shit out: I'm on vacation visiting my extramarital boyfriend and I am doing laundry and being sexually frustrated while he is at work.
This may work: instead of a series of daughter threads, by nominal topic, just one.
Should we refer to "previous" comments by #? This seems like a case where cut-and-paste ital quotation is the best solution.
This may work: instead of a series of daughter threads, by nominal topic, just one.
Should we refer to "previous" comments by #? This seems like a case where cut-and-paste ital quotation is the best solution.
It was Lunar's fault. Everything was going along fine, and then laptops: BOOM! The jackbooted fascist octopus lady showed up.
Matt F: You need RSS to figure out where all the cool kids are hanging out. And by cool kids, I mean not Emerson or heebie.
Becks is right. You people. If you put half the energy into any other aspect of life that you put into Unfogged, you would achieve something out of your worthless life. And by you people I mean me.
Have you tried sitting on the washer? Put it on the Heavy Spin cycle.
7: Nobody ever showed you the washer trick?
B, your fate is in your own hands.
12: It's an apartment building. Public laundry room. I think not.
14: Just not the same.
Damn you, Apo! Damn you all to hell!
I have RSS, but the posts don't refresh in Google Reader after I read them the first time.
It's an apartment building. Public laundry room. I think not.
Prude.
Sorry for the double. Opportunity to repost:
RFTS: That was nice about the Redtail yesterday. Central Ohio, far from the flyways, seemed like a bird-desert when I was growing up there. Cleveland may be better because of the lake, but I'd think Eastern Shore spoiled you for Ohio. I see many more species without looking hard in Chicago, on the Great Lakes flyway, than in fields and forests--sorry for the yizchor echo, it just came out--when I was a kid.
Public laundry room.
It's a good way to make new friends.
Yeah, skeevy guys often cruise the laundry rooms when nothing else seems to be working.
Is this the apostropher hate thread we've all been waiting for? Finally! Damn you, apo! Damn your black heart to hell!
See, Matt F? This is the witty repartee you're missing by using Google Reader.
I'm always true to my boyfriend, after my fashion.
Speaking of skeevy guys, I really want to cut off the fingers of this one co-workers of mine.
It's an apartment building. Public laundry room. I think not.
Wasn't there a thread where we made Teo practice hitting on B in a laundromat?
Wasn't there a thread where we made Teo practice hitting on B in a laundromat?
Good point. Who wants to sleep with the kind of guys that hit on women in laundry rooms?
Jumping on LR's laptop prompt*: Any thoughts on a decent, cheap laptop? The youngster is asking for one, and I may be losing custody of the desktop. I'd like to buy my daughter's affection with technology, but I don't want to actually pay alot of money.
(crap, I should be capable of phrasing that differently)
Sometimes I wish the Internet were for more than men complaining about not getting enough action, women bragging about how much action they're getting and everyone complaining about how thin society expects them to be, but I guess it could be worse. In my mind's eye, "worse" involves a lot of "White power!/There's a Masonic conspiracy..." but opinions may differ.
Just when the Shakespeare Mametizing was getting good, and now it's back to laundromats and laptops. Sad.
Who wants to sleep with the kind of guys that hit on women in laundry rooms?
Women who would cheat on their extramarital boyfriend?
Ah! Maybe because we didn't actually live on the Eastern Shore in Maryland, but on the outskirts of DC, the bird situation didn't seem that noticeably stellar. Alternately, I'm just oblivious. Here we do at least get a lot of Canada geese, cardinals, and all manner of little grey and brown birdies that I can't identify. I often see a hawk circling overhead, but never close like this.
Meanwhile, I see that the awesome New York Review of Books Classics imprint is reprinting T. H. White's The Goshawk.
She is under ten. Buy her a wii instead.
28: Well, aren't we the little princess. We can't help you if you refuse to be helped.
Women who would cheat on their extramarital boyfriend?
Exactly. Whores.
Good point. Who wants to sleep with the kind of guys that hit on women in laundry rooms?
38: I don't want to be helped! I want my boyfriend to come home from work. Dammit.
I tend to pay more attention to the small mammals than to the birds in my environs. (I can often be heard saying to/about our local small brown and black birds: "Dammit, you're not a chipmunk!") I wish I would see some owls, though.
The wilds here are great for birds, including pelican, heron, tern, and gull rookeries. I also saw an enormous hawk on a fencepost 30 feet from me the other day. I'm not good at hawks but I think it was a goshawk.
She is under ten; buy her an Etch-a-Sketch Sony Reader instead, they are dope.
That said, they're probaby a bit beyond "cheap", but the basic MacBooks are still pretty nice, and I don't think they lock you into OSX anymore.
I did once see an enormous wild turkey walking down the middle of the road here. That was pretty great. And I do appreciate the Canada geese.
I seem to remember having sex in a public laundry room once. But don't worry: we met elsewhere, and I brought her there.
Di Kotimy is a rich lawyer who has her opponent's cases thrown out of court. She can afford to buy her kid a wii, a blackberry, and a notebook.
Thirteen-lined Ground Squirrel, once exclusively Western, has established itself as far East as Ohio. Watch for that.
I notice owls in daytime mostly when they're being mobbed by crows. Always worth paying attention to, to see what's causing the commotion..
Jody! Wanna fuck?
Uh, I just came in here to do laundry, ma'am.
Face it, B., his work is more important to him than you are.
My weka-minded neighbor's girlfriend resented his job and got him to quit, and then ditched him when he went bankrupt. There's a reason that the term "psycho bitch" was invented. (B herself, as I've multiply explained, is basically wholesome, and earnest to a fault.)
50: gosh, she could buy her a whole bowl full of blackberries! And stickers to put in the notebook! And a cushiony toilet seat, to make the wii even nicer!
a blackberry
These are banned for everyone but deaf people.
49: ambience is a key erotic factor. Public restrooms are also popular, because of the comfort and privacy.
60: obviously, I'd have preferred a glory hole. But those quarters were burning a hole in my pants.
That thread reminds me that cribbage is really fun.
Having a physical dependency on workahol is no laughing matter, psycho bitch.
I'd like to buy my daughter's affection with technology
My understanding is that a dolphin-shaped swimming pool is pretty much table stakes for buying a little girl's affection these days.
58: You used to have an underscore, heebie! What happened?
We can't always have the optimal locale for anonymous sex.
Hillary's inevitable, Joe.
Nothing's inevitable! I'm planning a devastating YouTube attack as we speak.
Speaking of, in case you guys were wondering who's behind the tacky, tasteless, gay-baiting pseudo-advocacy ad called "Gays for Giuliani", it's my best friend and longtime collaborator Ryan, who just conned CNN into doing a feature on him and the ad.
35: If I could stay under $500, I'd be delighted. But I don't really know -- how cheap can I go and still have a decent machine?
37: The subject of Wii came up recently -- though she knows that would probably be mostly for mommy.
46: I have mixed feelings about Apple products. We had a long and committed relationship once that went sour. (Yes, a sour Apple.) I do miss the iBook sometimes. But it feels like it wouldn't be healthy to keep going back.
50: Yeah, so rich and powerful a lawyer that when the judge throws my opponent's case out, I find myself so dumbfounded that I ask the judge (on the freaking record!) if he really means he's throwing the whole thing out.
66: No sense of humor, liberal pro-sex-feminist career-woman mom, wife, and girlfriend, opera dress code Nazi -- and more!
"And more": trying to convince porno consumers not to be entirely beastly.
[Blackberries] are banned for everyone but deaf people.
The chief drawback I have found to the Blackberry is that I can't comment on Unfogged from mine (other sites work fine).
One of you techie people get to work on that, and make it snappy!
You used to have an underscore, heebie! What happened?
I forgot about that! At some point I realized that LiveJournal doesn't distinguish between underscores and hyphens, and I decided I liked the hyphen better.
These are banned for everyone but deaf people.
No, they're banned for deaf people too.
Also, how does UnFogged avoid comment spam? (He says, having spent five minutes deleting shit off a post he'd just posted ten minutes earlier.)
JoDry, what we really need is an ad in which Warren Jeffs, surrounded by his family, endorses Mitt Romney.
I seem to remember having sex in a public laundry room once.
I once got bizzy in a burger king bathroom.
76 - If you think Ryan and I won't steal that idea for when Romney wins the nomination, you're crazy.
how does UnFogged avoid comment spam?
Vigilante violence.
Women frequently go through crises and try to change their identities in meaningless ways. What you want to do is be affirmative about the changes, since that way they'll remain the lovable victims you need.
Love your hyphen, heebie.
So Unfogged has come to this, an open thread. Hang your collective head in shame.
I find myself so dumbfounded that I ask the judge (on the freaking record!) if he really means he's throwing the whole thing out.
I'm not buying the sweet, innocent lawyer bit. Did you fake tremble for the other lawyer while you were waiting for the case to be heard? "Oh, you smart, powerful lawyer, I'm so nervous [insert fake giggle]."
69: Oh, so you only showed up here to pimp your friend. I see how it is.
71-2: Oh yeah, that.
I can't recommend the Wii highly enough. Just don't buy Twilight Princess, as it 1) makes no sense and 2) you'll never get those hours/days/months back.
81 is the first true thing to be written on this thread.
I once got bizzy in a burger king bathroom.
The new David Brooks column: Red staters do it in Burger King bathrooms; Blue staters do it in Starbucks bathrooms.
Will no one think of the humble mop jockeys that have to clean up afterward?
69: Oh, so you only showed up here to pimp your friend. I see how it is.
So DS, when do you think Unfogged peaked? Months ago, or years ago?
I say it was with "Me and Otto gotta get blotto in the grotto, pronto".
sighdy sigh sigh
Love your hyphen, heebie.
Thanks, johnnie-emmie!
I hope the collective head hung in shame in 81 is that of the bloggers, not the commenters. The inmates have always run every asylum, but the staff should put on a good show.
90 - perhaps just Becks's collective head.
See, only Heebie really understands me.
I am pining away for my Doctor Slack Lite (waiting patiently for me to return from campus) right this minute.
This is not an open thread! Some transatlantic academic will be posting on the original topic any minute now.
82: I don't generally find the nervous novice persona very effective -- which is unfortunate, because I tend to sound panicked while arguing even when I'm feeling confident. The judges pity me, but then assume I'm an idiot and rule for my opponent.
"You People" being the orignal topic?
Racist.
Also, how does UnFogged avoid comment spam?
Well, what you do is you carefully modulate the comment-culture to a level of meaningless such that comment spam becomes indistinguishable from comments.
Becks, it was Heebie G and Lunar R who did it. The rest of us just succumbed to peer-pressure, in a transgressively anti-sexist way.
Also, I was just kidding when I called you a jackbooted Nazi thug.
The judges pity me, but then assume I'm an idiot and rule for my opponent.
"What kind of idiot would hire an idiot like this? An idiot we should take pity on? No, an idiot who should be punished for his poor judgment."
I'm considering having surgery done to restore my hyphen.
I once got bizzy in a burger king bathroom
I didn't get around to posting this on the fast food thread, but Heebie's Burger King remark gives me the slender thread of relevance I need to link to this BK television spot.
I am pining away for my Doctor Slack Lite (waiting patiently for me to return from campus) right this minute.
See? RFTS feels my pain.
Having made that (tiny) joke in 93, I think I may no longer be able to think of my DS Lite any other way again.
Love your heephen, hybie.
I lost my biological hyphin in high school. With about a million different sites. But after I found Unfogged, I became a born-again-vyrgen, until mawiage. So now it's just a symbolic hyphin.
Wait, so you sit on the washamachine and then what?
B wants sex, I want to play with my Pokemon. Oh, the shame.
THIS IS DEFINITELY AN OPEN THREAD
LET'S ALL DISCUSS WHO SHOULD BE CHIMPEACHED FIRST
Totally, totally pwned by 104. Tragic, considering how long I spent crafting 108.
B wants sex, I want to play with my Pokemon. Oh, the shame.
Oh, I thought you were saying your husband was a watered-down version of Doctor Slack.
As a party to the incident mentioned in 88, I cannot publicly denounce it. Neither, however, do I denounce the denunciation.
The Great Pumpkin appears and gives you a healthy glow. It's complexion magic.
114: I renounce the denunciation.
(As for Doctor Slack Lite: accept no substitutes. Act today. Eliminate even the toughest stains.)
Joe! Howdy! Are you famous yet?
Not yet, but I'm becoming a master at Mancala, so things are looking up!
112: This is why I go for the cheap and easy.
I ask the judge (on the freaking record!) if he really means he's throwing the whole thing out.
Did they get the "Woo hoo! YES!!!" on the record too?
"Mawiage" S/B "marrage". Damage to goods, later extended metaphorically to include ruined lives.
108: I lost my biological hyphin in high school.
That's surprising to me, because I thought you underscored.
Don't address people by their names when asking a question. It could be construed as making things too personal.
Heebie's been pining for you, B., as you scam every guy in the room.
If you go down to the laundry room you don't have to tell anyone.
Sorry, Ned, I don't wanna have sex with you.
127: Heebie knows my heart is hers for the asking.
Who said anything about your heart?
Hamilton! Wanna fuck?
You're at the boyfriend's place? I think Frowner's the one you want, especially since Hamilton is totally full of eels.
130: Synecdoche, my friend. Synecdoche. What kind of tacky bitch do you think I am?
133: Technically I think that's a metonymy. You know how I hate to nitpick.
Mmm, eels.
Frowner seems not to be around. O, the tragedy.
That's surprising to me, because I thought you underscored.
That made me laugh out loud.
131, 134: Did you miss the thread on this, John?
124: Our policy is that you have to meet the wife first. Actually, it would probably be good if you and I met, first, too.
whoops. I thought he was renewing the call.
Baghdad was not selected.
Crap, the only way to win this argument with Slack is to invoke the intentional fallacy. NO FAIR.
Wait, was that just provoked by the thought of getting the first shot at my regenerated hyphen?
Our policy is that you have to meet the wife first.
I need to be vetted?
145: No, for that we take you to the vet.
144: No, not at all. I'm not a hyphen fetishist. Now, em dashes, mmmmm.
I need to be vetted?
If you have a note from your own vet certifying that you have all your shots, that will suffice.
148: You'll have to get me into that little carrying case first, and I'm telling you, that won't be easy.
Metonymy wins the Googlefight! Metonymy it is.
153: What if there was some way that we could put part of you in the carrying case, and make it stand for all of you?
Synecdoche is often considered a subcategory of metonymy.
155: I know you're not even thinking of any collar and leash shit.
Technically I think that's a metonymy.
Meiosis.
sorry heebster
S'okay wake-me-up-before-you-yo-yo.
158: But you can use it to stand in for the whole concept.
157:
The only drawback: You'll have to convince an actual, willing real live girl to wear it. So, you know... good luck with that.
HAHAHAHA.
161: Forget it. I'm just going to slump down here on the floor and pout.
Dear god, Apo. The first time I saw that, I didn't it was a fucking outfit for someone to wear. Good lord.
Any corporate bankruptcy attorneys among the unfoggetariat?
I've been wondering: if Countrywide Home Loans goes belly up, what is the impact on a borrower who owes money on a mortgage but has money in escrow at the borrower (for property taxes, insurance, etc.)? Would the escrow account become a general unsecured claim? That would suck.
But the actual RealDolls don't have Edvard Munch Scream expressions, do they? It's a joke.
169: Aw, but Heebie, your ass would look great in it.
154: If only we could settle disputes between nations this way.
73: You can post comments to Unfogged from a blackberry if you use Opera Mini instead of the built-in web browser.
168. Okay, let's start over from 141.
172: You'd just need a dash of Scotch tape to simulate your missing hyphen.
Aw, but Heebie, your ass would look great in it.
My ass would look great in a wooden barrel covered in carp.
Did you see that site also has a post on the statistical impossiblity of women all being virginal, while men reporting to be sluts? too bad we havent' head a thread about that.
The laundry room is teeming with horny skeezes B. This is self-defeating behavior.
177: Yeah, but Farber probably wrote about it before you.
180: Did you miss the part where B wants to get laid?
Yeah, but she refuses to go down there.
My ass would look great in a wooden barrel covered in carp.
French oak barrels or American? New or old? Aged for how long?
If she's on the laundry room floor, OK.
Teo, that's not really Real Doll simulation, just blow-up doll. However, there's a huge fetish culture around getting live women to pretend to be robots. The "reveal" -- when you show that her flesh or face conceals circuitry beneath -- is kind of the Holy Grail, and requires significant artistry to pull off. alt.sex.fetish.robots, or ASFR for short. (the link is to a documentary clip, not a fetish movie. sorry.)
175: I thought the point of 141 was that there's no such thing as "start."
When does that motherfucker getting home, anyway. Thi is distressing me, and I'm sure not only me.
187: Huh. The varieties of human experience sure are remarkable.
My ass would look great in a wooden barrel covered in carp.
Heebie, if you want to sleep with Emerson, it's okay with me. You don't have to play these embittered little games.
190: Probably 5ish? And then we have plans with his young friend D. (who is 10, so shut up already). I won't get laid for hooooours!!!
Heebie, if you want to sleep with Emerson, it's okay with me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I'm a me-mosexual!
I won't get laid for hooooours!!
Maybe if he wore two condoms, it might last longer.
189: No, it just puts "start" at the "start" instead of in the "middle".
Carp are the most important product of aquaculture
195 was not my joke. That is Sarah Silverman's joke. I don't want to take credit for her work.
(who is 10, so shut up already)
I don't think this will stop the jokes.
You know, if Unfogged ever actually results in anyone hooking up, I will be sorely disappointed.
B, I think your erotic system needs to game plan an additional structural level for times like this.
199: What can I clarify for you?
203: I'm pretty sure unfogged's existence results in net negative hookups for the unfoggetariat.
206.1: Baby, if that's not obvious by now, there's no hope.
203: Unfogged has resulted in several hook-ups. Becks and Ficke is the only one that is publicly acknowledged.
Heebie knows my heart is hers for the asking.
Metonymy if "heart" is a substitution for some other body part. Synecdoche if "heart" is a substitution for B's whole body. Metonymy if, a la 158, we agree that synecdoche is a subcategory of metonymy. Not that anyone cares anymore.
You motherfuckers, I was mostly making the setup for a setup at Ogged's expense.
Setup for the setup for a joke at Ogged's expense, even.
God, Heebie, lighten up already.
Because in the future, I want full credit for my hilarity.
205 to 203. My principles are unshaken.
You want us to set you up with Ogged? Do you wear makeup or have a squeaky voice? Because he's picky, you know.
If you set me up with Ogged, Apo, I'm liable to be disappointed.
This seems like an open thread....the Girl wants undies for her birthday.* Does anyone here feel like tossing out some suggestions as to brand? I'm at a loss. A preference for cotton has been stated.
*I'm fairly certain.
203: Unfogged has resulted in several hook-ups. Becks and Ficke is the only one that is publicly acknowledged.
I'm not sure you're supposed to publicly acknowledge that there exist publicly unacknowledged hookups.
Unfogged brought redfox and snarkout together via backwards causation.
Is this a girlfriend or a daughter?
174: hey, thanks zadfrack. This works.
174: hey, thanks zadfrack. This works.
203: People are defying me behind my back. They will pay. I've already caught two of them.
I'm not sure you're supposed to publicly acknowledge that there exist publicly unacknowledged hookups.
Can you try not to publicly acknowledge that that rule may exist?
223: Right, who are well known for their cotton panties.
224: Not so much, for me. But I haven't gotten too deep into the settings.
219: American Apparel is fun, but you might want something either fancier or more comfortable too.
Out of curiousity, how is squeaky defined? Because I always hear people using this, and I think... you know, squeak-toys.
I'm not sure you're supposed to publicly acknowledge that there exist publicly unacknowledged hookups.
Sanctity of off-blog fornication!
221. I can't believe I'm so forgotten. Girlfriend.
how is squeaky defined
Adenoidal, with close-set eyes and a family history of high-strung alarm. Makes the Ohio "woo" noise for a mating call.
Felina makes some nice cotton type boy shorts in a variety of colors. But really, Michael, cotton undies? Bo-ring.
223, Appreciated despite B's snubbing. Checking it out!
That's what happens when you go away forever, Michael. You aren't even the premier drunken commenter anymore.
I can't believe I'm so forgotten., Girlfriend.
I can't seriously imagine the appeal of non-cotton underwear. Say what now?
238: Oh, I appreciate La Perla just fine. I'm just saying, good luck finding cotton undies in their repertoire.
Does The Girl have a website, Michael? She had an @ for me this week at the Weblog and I replied, but that's been it.
Did you see my meetup query, in the NY thread? I thought your "back to Red Lion" suggestion was a good one.
I've been away so long they've invented new punctuation!
Michael, the Calida brand may fit the bill. Often you can find it at substantially reduced prices at Sierra Trading Post (though Becks may object that the owner is a vocal evangelical Christian).
Cotton underpants are comfortable and don't cause yeast infections. Also, they are guaranteed to be opaque, for those of us who like that.
Does The Girl have a website, Michael?
So, so inappropriate.
Cotton underpants are awesome, but as a gift?!?
What's so... gift-y... about freaky hoochie panties that mess about with your ladyparts?
I agree with 248. This woman is clearly operating under a dire false consciousness. Michael should be ashamed of himself.
I might add that she's astonishingly non-materialistic. A safe bet she's never had expensive undies before. So cotton may just be all she knows.
I can't seriously imagine the appeal of non-cotton underwear.
The ability to block infrared rays, for starters.
Cotton underwear was an issue in my marriage, though not one of the major ones.
Get her days-of-the-week panties!
Cotton underwear was an issue of my marriage, though not one of the major ones.
251: Keep her locked up and don't let her learn English. They go bad if you don't watch them closely.
If you really want to do something special for her, get yourself some of these. Chicks totally dig them.
256. What do I look like? A Republican representative?
254: But they don't make Sunday. Because of God.
249: So, so humorless. I bet you like Twisty, too.
Here you go, Michael. Cotton.
If she's asked for cotton undies, it's moot whether they're boring or not. And they don't have to be boring.
Keep her locked up and don't let her learn English.
Only works for 9-12 months. Inadvisable in a rural setting.
I approve of Cala's taste in cotton undies.
Are "Suzie Parkers" named after the great model and Playmate of the fifties and early sixties?
219: You're getting terrible advice here. Just go with something crotchless. The classy solutions are always the best.
I approve of tasting ben w-lfs-n in cotton undies.
267: Breathes even more than cotton.
I approve of tasting ben w-lfs-n in cotton undies.
Mmmm.
The classy solutions
The "classie" solutions
Bay area ladies are encouraged to take apo's approval as dispositive.
Those are nice, Cala.
I'd be giving more feedback if I could figure out how to nagivate these underwear sites. (and if my computer loaded them faster.)
(and if my computer loaded them faster I was typing with both hands.)
This company also makes very high quality cotton underwear, though the items featured in the gawd-awful flash animation on the website are not exactly to my taste.
You might have better luck just heading to a store. What's important (to me, at least) is that the crotch is cotton and the rest of it is soft.
In a good way or a bad way, Ben?
Nagivation isn't something everybody can do well. It's a rare art.
Unfogged definitely results in negative hook-ups. I was so grouchy after reading last night's pdf23ds roast that I almost turned down getting some. Fortunately, five minutes' worth of web surfing the internet's fine collection of photos of carp restored me.
The site in 275 has some extremely obnoxious flash.
Thanks guys. I think I've got some good leads.
For a while, we had a topic there.
279: five minutes' worth of web surfing the internet's fine collection of photos of carp
Riiiight.
I was so grouchy after reading last night's pdf23ds roast
Wait, what?
For a while, we had a topic there.
It was a good topic, cut down in the prime of its youth in a senseless war, blah blah blah, face down in the muck.
That carp is wearing way too much lipstick.
284 - You know, the one where you said "Magical thinking. FAIL."
Yeah, it's a slut carp or a crossdressing carp or something like that. Carp have different cultural values than we do, though, so we shouldn't be judgmental.
Michael, the nicest cotton underthings I've ever experienced are by Hanro. They don't look all that spiffy, but they're softer than anything and if treated nicely, last forever. (I have a thirteen year-old cotton camisole from them: one or two holes, but the fabric hasn't budged or faded.) Expensive as all hell, though.
Fuck. Now apo is going to find an even more disgusting carp-related picture than the one in 285, and I'm going to accidentally click on it.
284 - pdf23ds strikes me as the most harmless, earnest commenter here. I didn't like reading 200 comments on how stupid and nerdy he is.
291: But he IS wearing too much lipstick, B!
That's a great sexist photo. Looks like the entry to hell, the devouring maw of time, the vagina dentata, etc.
Walt, there's no blame! But you know, you DID throw down.
293: Y'all sound like Ogged, here. Do you really want to be doing that?
I'd re-post that Izaak Walton piece about how carp is the Queen of Rivers, but my recent experience with injecting 17th century text gives pause.
B is even earnest about carp mouths.
They were not comments on how nerdy he is; rather, how nerdy he is not.
but my recent experience with injecting 17th century text gives pause.
Try another vein?
298: You forget, I have carp as pets.
299: Don't let it happen again.
Rockette is toast when the Singularity comes.
Sanctity of off-blog fornication!
Don't people read the archives anymore?
302.298: Your chances with Heebie just plummeted.
Carp are very affectionate, however.
You know, I'm not saying, I'm just saying, but if the oldfags are going to insist on this "read the archives" trip, it'd be nice if someone modified the MT single-entry template to have the standard "previous, main, next" navigation links at the top and bottom.
(If this has been covered in the archives, I apologize.)
295 - I blame only myself. And my mother. And society. And feminism.
They can be trained to nibble you in an appropriate place and manner. The Emperor Tiberius was especially fond of this.
Your bait of falsehood takes this carp of truth:
And thus do we of wisdom and of reach,
With windlasses and with assays of bias,
By indirections find directions out.
They were not comments on how nerdy he is; rather, how nerdy he is not.
"You're wrong! I didn't insult him that way, I insulted him a completely different way!"
(If this has been covered in the archives, I apologize.)
The comment archive page previous to unfogged.com/archives/comments_$n.html is unfogged.com/archives/comments_$n-1.html; the next one is unfogged.com/archives/comments_$n+1.html. We aren't going to rot your brains with no damn clicky links around here.
I can't wait until we have AIs capable of doing that tedious adding-and-subtracting-one for us.
You know, I haven't played with MT for literally years, but back when I did this was a truly trivial thing to implement.
Just ignore the archives, LR. We should let the superannuated oldtimers here play that game for us.
I had this great idea in the shower this morning about tying the singularity-and-AI conversation together with the feminism conversation in that thread by analogizing babelfish to RealDoll. It would have been awesome, by which I mean "would have gotten me banned three different ways."
Oh, and quote the body of the post in with the comments, too. That would be very helpful indeed.
We're almost a third of the way there now.
Here's something I hadn't know about carp from Walton:
The Physicians make the galls and stones in the heads of Carps to be very medicinable; but 'tis not to be doubted but that in Italy they make great profit of the Spawn of Carps, by selling it to the Jewes, who make it into red Caviare, the Jewes not being by their Law admitted to eat of Caviare made of the Sturgion, that being a Fish that wants scales, and (as may appear in Levit. 11) by them to be reputed unclean.
LR, these people hold to their ancient ways do not take kindly to suggestions. You need to learn how to work them as they are.
321: Because the comments are related to the body of the post? Have you been paying attention to the threads around here?
It would seem that catfish is not kosher either then.
Catfish are no prettier than carp, and bottom feeders too, but mmmmmmmmm. Those poor Jews.
325: No, but sometimes there are informative links is porno.
There are no coincidences. Note the resemblance between the carp mouth above and FL's butthole.
Worst. 24 hours of unfogged. Ever.
On the other hand, I spent half of the resultant free time here, and the other half here, which was a decent approximation.
Oddly, picky people don't like to eat cute things like rabbits, and they don't like to eat ugly things like catfish and carp. Sort of homely things like chickens and pigs and sheep and cows and non-nasty-looking fish are OK. Lesson: don't be homely in this world.
I like to eat cute things like rabbits and sheep and waddly li'l ducks. Yum.
332 would have ruined my life forever, but it took too long to load! Thank you, clogged intertubes!
334: You monster! Also, sheep and ducks aren't cute.
Lamb are generally thought cute.
Let's not blame the victim. It's hardly the carp's fault if he's dropped tail first into boiling water, or thrown up on the bank to rot in 90 degree weather.
Liiiiiiisa, don't eeeeeeat meeee.
When I wrote "like" in 334, I should have written "such as".
Ben, your parents are the ones who ate rabbits and sheep and ducks, not you! You can transcend your heritage! You are a sophisticated intellectual who eats raw, quivering carp!
I such as to eat cute things like rabbits and sheep and waddly li'l ducks. Yum.
340: There is a set of Things w-lfs-n Likes to Eat that makes "viz." appropriate, I now know.
I was reading the link to the archives posted in 306, and all of the comments were about carp, transhumanism, and heebie's ass. The date on the timestamps? 1987.
Speaking of cute animals, it's almost time for the State Fair! Whoo-hoo! Food on sticks! Cheese curds! Heat! Stickyness!
(The following conversation was overheard at the entrance to the 4H "Miracle of Life" baby animals/animals giving birth exhibit at a recent Minn. State Fair)
Peevish looking woman in her late forties: "It's not a miracle!"
12 year-old 4H volunteer girl, practically sobbing: "But it IS a miracle -- they're little baby animals."
Peevish woman, now snarling: "It's just biology!"
Carp are kosher. They're way scaly.
If that woman had had the opportunity to post here, fifteen years ago when she was in her early thirties, her life might have taken a very different turn.
She could have been snarlingly embittered much younger?
Are we still supposed to be shooing you away from comment threads, LB?
Jesus Christ. This thread is about absolutely nothing and it goes on for three hundred comments. This place is turning into fucking Atrios's comment section.
I know, stras. Open threads are the beginning of the end.
350: Jesus Christ. This thread is about absolutely nothing and it goes on for three hundred comments. This place is turning into fucking Atrios's comment section.
No, not enough earnest meta-commentary for that yet.
Or stupid fucking emoticons, for that matter.
Hey, it's about carp, and B being horny, and cotton underwear pants.
349: Yes, and probably for the rest of the month.
350: I know, I'll try to find something quick to post on. Hey, anyone who wanted to write me a post and email it to me? I'd post it. This is your chance for mainpage greatness, or at least a thread that isn't 'open'.
Finally, my DailyUnfogged Diary can make the front page!
Oh, never mind, I got something.
All I could think of to post was the world's most majestic rice pudding-based Flash animation, anyway.
Hey, it's about carp, and B being horny, and cotton underwear pants.
On the whole, the carp jokes can go.
Is the thing you got a thing that may be disclosed?
Hey, that's the way I felt about the Harry Potter shit, but no one cared. Do I complain? [Yes.] Everyone in the world is either a carp-joke person or a Harry Potter person.
362: but there's only two of the former and several hundred million of the latter.
Without the Harry Potter people, global warming would not be a problem, let me tell you that. The rest of us could wander happily through a more open, less crowded, freer world.
Considering homicide by carp is all I'm saying.
362 - I am neither a carp-joke person nor a Harry Potter person.
364: A world without Potterites would probably be a world without war.
I am neither a carp-joke person nor a Harry Potter person.
There's no shame in being a carp-joke person, Hamilton. It's difficult, I know, and there are many who won't understand. But once you admit it to yourself, you'll feel a hundred pounds lighter. And one day, you'll even be proud of it.
366: You can't be neutral in a clash between Good and Evil, Hamilton. If you're not for the carp-joke people, you're against them.
Can't we all just get along?
Apparently not. Jesus, people, can you not drum up arguments for yourselves? It's not like we agree on everything: I remember the halcyon days of knife-fights over tucking-protocol. Here's a controversial proposal: you are all craven pussies who couldn't start a fight in a double-booked dome of the rock.
No, you pretty much got us dead to rights there. Comity!
