Be careful he doesn't dump something in the pool just to see what happens.
Does he frequently receive packages from Paladin Press addressed to "Rusty Shackleford"?
Okay, I'm starting to understand a little better how you came to run a blog like this one. Wingnut lifeguard is the sort of person I would edge slowly away from and never make eye contact with again, and here you are shooting the shit about nitrous bombs with him.
That nitrous oxide bomb idea is seriously almost incomprehensibly dumb.
Ah well, at least he realized that the "gay bomb" they were talking about on his transistor radio wouldn't work because "gays can still fight."
You are making this shit up.
You are making this shit up.
Nah, there's even a post in the archives about the government working on a bomb to do this; it was a real idea.
incomprehensibly dumb
I told him that the nitrous oxide would just disperse, and he said that we needed to add something "heavy" to keep it from doing that. "Maybe you should drop steak dinners," I suggested. But no, we would probably drop frozen ones (government is incompetent) and the locals wouldn't be able to read the English instructions and wouldn't know what to do with them (foreigners are stupid).
I also suggested to him that he should move to Oklahoma where he would find a more congenial political environment and he said that he probably should because he's really stressed and taking a lot of meds, but his wife (an Asian-American flight attendant) didn't want to move.
Nah, there's even a post in the archives about the government working on a bomb to do this
To do what? A bomb that would only affect gay people?
(long pause)
Right, I'll look in the archives.
('nother pause)
Even if it's supposed to do that, Wingnut's realization that "gays can still fight" makes no sense.
probably even still illegal
Probably even still always already illegal.
More on the gay bomb; I can't find the post in the archives.
The articles say the idea wasn't pursued, but in fact it was, and the result was...Fontana Labs. Tell no one.
I give it exactly six months before "gay bomb parties" spring up all over the nation. "We got the bomb!" say the Evites.
Reports of field tests have not been confirmed.
It seems to me that we can pretty much close up shop now.
The BBC links don't put it quite this well:
"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that would ... have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another"
(Sorry, I copied this from a link from an archived post before noting the URL.)
How do you even have conversations like 6 and keep a straight face?
It seems to me that we can pretty much close up shop now.
Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction to the gay bomb story, and it kind of doesn't even matter who the "we" refers to.
How do you even have conversations like 6 and keep a straight face?
Oh, I was laughing the whole time.
"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that would ... have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another"
But after they become irresistibly attractive to each other they probably have a couple weeks before the constant sex leads their units to break down due to soreness or whatever.
It would be pretty cool if someone gaybombed DCon.
It would be pretty cool if someone gaybombed DCon.
it kind of doesn't even matter who the "we" refers to.
Exactly.
Beyond jaw-dropping, you might say.
I keep thinking of ways in which it would be totally awesome if some powerful homophobes convinced the world's superpowers that gayness is worse than death, thereby resulting in universal disarmament as gay-making devices are developed to replace them. Gay rifles, gay missiles, gay bombs, and, eventually, the Doomsgay Machine.
In a post-Armagaydon world, where roving gangs pillage the countryside...only women are safe!
Nitrous oxide is heavy. Nitrous oxide is also a good oxidizer. It would end up being a fire bomb. While that is hot, that is perhaps too hot.
The gay bomb isn't really about making people gay: it's about disabling the team by making them all consider sexing each other up more important.
Is interesting.
Obviously it's only a "gay" bomb because military units are primarily male; and are so precisely because otherwise we figure everybody would be sexing each other up all the time.
What a strange view of human interaction, really.
Wingnut lifeguard is the sort of person I would edge slowly away from and never make eye contact with again, and here you are shooting the shit about nitrous bombs with him.
Hell, you've probably got a bunch of wingnut lifeguards among your relatives. Surely it's hard to avoid them all at get togethers and reunions?
31.---Only one, really: my uncle the former bishop. He's relatively easy to edge away from at family gatherings these days.
military units are primarily male; and are so precisely because otherwise we figure everybody would be sexing each other up all the time.
The Spartans and the Romans encouraged homosexuality within units because they thought it made men more likely to sacrifice their lives for each other. Sexing each other up all the time made them fight well during the breaks. Given the long history of warfare, the link between homophobia and the military is a passing fad.
Gaypocalypse Now
I see potential for a pretty great gay porn remake of 28 Days Later.
Of "Doomsgay," "Gaypocalypse," and "Armagaydon," I deem "Armagaydon" to be the winner. Congratulations, Ned.
33:
(Rob, I know.)
So! Actually the gay bomb would produce better and stronger armies!
I get it: the 'mericans reasoning about how to disable the enemy here is similar to its reasoning about how to interrogate prisoners by not knowing how to speak Arabic.
I see potential for a pretty great gay porn remake of 28 Days Later.
I Am Legend, I think.
Oh wait, there's also the aunt who managed to offend me by expressing her love for me by talking smack about "Arab" men. Hoo-boy did that turn into a disaster, but I do think she's now a little afraid of me.
"Yeah, fuck those Arabs, thats why I bang Iranians."
You'll think of more examples. No Mormon on earth has only two wingnuts in their extended family.
Hoo-boy did that turn into a disaster
So you seriously engage with people who talk like this? I guess that's the thing to do, but I can never manage it.
Do your Mormon relatives talk about how much they hate arabs to you often, ogged?
I see potential for a pretty great gay porn remake of 28 Days Later.
Destroys buildings but leaves people kneeling.
Engage with? Uh, no. She wrote me an apology email, to which I have not replied, and the next time I see her it will be very tense and rather frosty. My cousins---who heard about the whole thing through the grapevine---were all appalled at her. She's turned into the creepy lunatic aunt who's always saying the most awkward thing at the most awkward time. After this, though, basta! Only polite small talk from me to her now.
How did she know to apologize? What do you mean it turned into a disaster? Did you say something to her? I'm just curious is all, so ignore if you don't want to get into it.
I've never had a close enough relationship with my uncles and aunts to determine whether anything has ever become frosty. My weird 45yo lives-with-mother uncle lectured me about how my grandfather's Pakistani doctor was delighted about 9/11, and told everyone to watch themselves, because it could happen again, except in their own neighborhood. He wanted me to acknowledge that this conversation had taken place, like, "This did happen. See? It did happen. AWB, it happened. He said that. See? It happened," over and over. I just said he didn't need me to verify his own experience for him and got a glass of water. Are things "frosty" now? I wouldn't be able to tell.
It started with a conversation over dinner. She was asking me about my honey, who hasn't been so much introduced into my family business, but then I've been away for a while. My cousin (different parents), who has met him, was saying how nice he was, etc., and my aunt asked his name, and then where he was from. I said, "he's from Iran," and she leaned way back and lifted up her voice in a wierd quasi-jocular tone: "Woo, that sets warning bells off for me!" And I quietly put my hand flat on the table and said, "Well, it's a good thing you don't have to date him then." And that was that for a little while.
But, boy, I was steamed about it. On the drive back to my cousin's place, she and I bitched about the various wierdnessness of Aunt Em., and I called my sister the next day and bitched some more, and eventually, all my cousins about my age learned about it---at which point I was a little embarrassed to have sparked a hullaballoo.
Then my aunt emailed to apologise, during which she made the howler about Arab men, and how her racist generalisations were all coming from love for me. I made the giant mistake of showing the email to my honey and we ended up having a knock-down drag-out fight (he said the wrong thing about my momma), and by the time that cooled down, I was in no mood to forgive my aunt.
She's an elementary school principle in a largish city, btw.
Jackmormon should start wearing a headscarf to family gatherings.
I used to wear a turban at Mormon girls' camp. That was when I was about 13 and had just read Dune. The girls from the "nice" wards thought I was wierd, as I probably was.
"Woo, that sets warning bells off for me!"
That's pretty funny. So she's in charge of border security? It would have been funny if you'd said "It's ok, I managed to convince him that I, personally, am not a threat to him."
I once went to dinner with a friend's parents and managed to have total comity on hating Andrew Sullivan without making it explicit that I hated him because he was a crazy righty and they hated him because he was too left. The friend later expressed admiration for that neat trick. Iranians are slippery, you know.
Some of my family members are always *this close* to blaming whatever X on Israel and/or The Jews, but they're polite enough to never say anything in front of me given my engagement with The Ex (who they all love, of course). It's actually kind of hilarious to have conversations suddenly stop just when they would be hitting their stride if I were absent.
"Woo, that sets warning bells off for me!"
Arg. That's the kind of shit my family deals in all the time, as if it's a hilarious joke that they're so aware of the danger of Islamic people, even though I'm the one who lives around and knows lots of them.
My mom warned when she was coming to NYC that she would not get in a cab driven by someone in a turban. I helpfully explained, like, Sikhism, etc., to no avail. "I know what I know," she said, "and I know that I don't trust men in turbans." Of course, her cab was indeed driven by a really sweet guy who was wearing a turban and chatted happily with Mama the whole way about religion, the Midwest, and so forth. Mom was charmed.
When I met her on a bench in my neighborhood, she had become fast friends with a Lubavitcher who was handing out pamphlets, and had just made friends with the Muslim Lebanese guys who sold her a falafel sandwich. Mom tries to be racist, but she's too damn charming.
I'll bet that as the engagement fades from memory, the inoculating effect will wear off. I need to find another nice Jewish girl soon.
"Some of my family members are always *this close* to blaming whatever X on Israel and/or The Jews The Heebs.
I was hanging out with a biased sample of mormons recently. The very interesting female grad student who drove me back to the airport talked about her senior-year panic about not being married, about how she got over that, and about how her mormon friends all make fun of her for still being a virgin.
57: that doesn't sound very biased.
"I know what I know," she said, "and I know that I don't trust men in turbans."
This one sold me a fucking antique lamp once and it caused me no end of trouble.
The very interesting female grad student who drove me back to the airport talked about her senior-year panic about not being married, about how she got over that, and about how her mormon friends all make fun of her for still being a virgin.
Heh. She's probably not. They're like the evangelicals. Not really any more pure than the rest of us, they just talk like they are.
Well, her angle was critiquing the concept of perfection that pervades a lot of social sanctioning in her world, and she was quite matter of fact about it -- I'm pretty sure the goal wasn't to one-up her friends, especially not in front of the likes of me.
Can't trust a girl in a turban either. N even a little bit SFW.
Barbie? Ibelieve that is Jasmine.
I no longer have contact with most of my jerky relatives, but I do have the dittohead uncle. I used to get into arguments with him but nowadays he tries to bait me and I just roll my eyes and he laughs.
He's really good about not talking offensive smack around PK, though, which I appreciate.
total comity on hating Andrew Sullivan
It's surprising how many doors you can open this way.
Heh - my bestest girlfriend when I was growing up was a rather late bloomer so you can imagine the exquisite conflict her parents -- jews from Brooklyn -- felt when it turned out that her first serious serious boyfriend (finally!) was Iranian (this was the 80's, no less). They smiled and said nothing, but boy, the breath they let out when the engagement was called off...
All of my Mormon cousins were virgins when they got married. The ones who didn't wait married non-members. I'm pretty sure about this---okay, there's maybe one couple I'm not sure about---but seriously, the family gossips. I do know, for instance, that one of the nice Mormon gentlemen who married into the family slipped once before he went off on his mission.
All of my Mormon cousins were virgins when they got married.
Only because they never dated me.
62: Hahahaha, god was I not expecting that. What would the internets be without crazy people?
My father in law actually said to me, in my wife's presence while we were engaged, "you did something to my little girl, but in time I'll forive and learn to love you." It took every ounce of my self control not to reply, "dude, ready and willing doesn't even begin to describe your daughter."
My father in law actually said to me, in my wife's presence while we were engaged, "you did something to my little girl, but in time I'll forive and learn to love you."
[boggles]
I give it exactly six months before "gay bomb parties" spring up all over the nation.
Too late. My friends and I have already had "gay bomb" parties. And in South Carolina, bitches! Also, the studded collar on my friend's dog that I saw last night? Yeah--used to belong to a dead relative who was totally into BDSM.
This isn't your father's Old South.
you did something to my little girl, but in time I'll forive and learn to love you
Holy shit. I mean, it's clear that within the bound of his world, he's an open and good guy, but that's a pretty weird world.
My friends and I have already had "gay bomb" parties. And in South Carolina, bitches!
The only place I've run into more gay people randomly (in the course of business, going to a store, etc.) than in San Francisco, was in Columbia, South Carolina.
this is just confidential to Bear: the beginning of the end of my date with the nerve guy you went out with was when I made myself a turban out of the Tinker Bell sheet we'd been sitting on and wanted to walk home in it, and he was all, you look too ridiculous, and I was all, this is New York! No one cares how ridiculous I look, but finally I backed down, obviously crestfallen I couldn't keep my turban. (I mean, I would've understood if he'd been one of the 40 or 50 year olds, but what is the advantage of dating people in their 20s if they won't even let you have your turban?)
Now I am leaving this place.
In France a lot of fashionable white girls wear turbans, but I've always felt too wierd doing it here in NYC. Or rather, wearing one out of doors here.
Tia, don't do it. Life is good! Surely you will find a turban-friendly guy eventually!
it's clear that within the bound of his world, he's an open and good guy,
As it turns out, he's a pedophile. No joke. DA's initial charge is 4 counts. Maybe he'll plea it down to two or something, but so far no plea deal. Prelim hearing is this month.
The only place I've run into more gay people randomly ... than in San Francisco, was in Columbia, South Carolina.
Historically, Charleston out-gays Columbia. But, yeah, with the legislature and all, Columbia is pretty gay.
you did something to my little girl
As it turns out, he's a pedophile
Hm.
75: The indulgent Daddies are the older ones, I think.
As it turns out, he's a pedophile.
Damn, I don't know if I should be happy or sad that I tactfully refrained from the obvious joke about 71.
As it turns out, he's a pedophile.
And thus we see demonstrated once again that there is no subtext. Please tell me that he was also a Republican Party operative.
78: Eep. Your poor wife, that must be extremely creepy and awful.
Please tell me that he was also a Republican Party operative.
Heh. No official position in the party, but die hard Repub for sure. One of those 30 percenters still defending the war.
Oh man, that does really suck for your wife, but in this thread, and as it relates to my ability to judge the Mormon heart, that's goddam hilarious.
Your poor wife, that must be extremely creepy and awful.
She's found a whole new appreciation for being adopted. "Thank god we're not related" and such.
This isn't your father's Old South.
Actually, now that I think of it, it is your father's Old South, only with Lindsay Graham conveniently standing in for Strom Thurmond.
Ah, well, then. Carry on.
Guess it's too late in the comments to mention hydrogen peroxide is in the news as an explosive.
I really hate poorly reasoned columns endorsing policies I agree with. I was immediately wrong-footed by his thinking that Columbus landing on Hispaniola actually marks an important day to reflect on the American experiment, and his comment about how separation of church and state made justification of slavery easier is just mind-boggling. But then later he says good stuff about non-proliferation and not torturing people.
While I'm posting comments randomly at the end of a thread anyway, do you think Paul Krugman would have closed a column by paraphrasing David Byrne lyrics before Krugman started regularly reading (and now writing) a blog?
A nitrous oxide bomb wouldn't make anyone laugh unless they were doing something funny to begin with. Everyone would just get light-headed and pass out. Just saying...
Hydrogen peroxide, in concentrations commonly purchased for lab work, by, say, me, is a good oxidizer. In combination with a strong acid or with some organic solvent, it is basically rocket fuel.
how separation of church and state made justification of slavery easier
NGAHHHHHH.
World War 2 would never have been a problem if there had been a gay bomb: the french would totally have outmanned the feeble Germans when the krauts tried to enter through France's vulnerable backdoor - Belgium.
Since the war on terror is in fact 100% exactly like World War 2 a gay bomb would give us a big boost right now.
88: Re: Graham and Thurmond, the obvious difference is that Strom was proud of his skirt-chasing whereas Lindsay is a screaming queen if I've ever seen one.
Lindsay is a screaming queen
He strikes me as more of a hands-folded-in-the-lap queen to me, but you're the expert. When I hear him talking, I usually think, "Why is this Baptist choir director on Meet the Press?"
Really? I always imagine he sits with his arms glued to his sides so that his hands won't flap around the room like exotic butterflies.
