How come women aren't eligible for the Backdoor Treatment? That sounds like a great anniversary present.
Not speaking from personal experience, but I've heard that comes free with the full Brazilian.
They could have told me in advance Marble Sac with Shaft didn't work on your forehead.
Well there's no way I'd fuck anyone in the nostril if they hadn't had it waxed first, no matter how much they begged me.
Note: Waxing is not recommended for the following conditions: ... Sunburns
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I'm sorry, if nasal waxing catches on with guys my dad's age, I for one will consider it a great boon to humanity.
I'm with B. Frankly, as an aging male I could use a nostril waxing.
I don't want to know what any of those services is. One must suffer to be beautiful, but that one is not going to be me.
Thank god for sorting. There's no way I could see myself doing that stuff. Luckily, there's also no way someone that valued it in their partner would be interested in me.
And the ears and eyebrows.
Do they have an "old guy" package?
The phrase "'marble sac' with shaft" fills me with dread.
Don't nose hairs offer some functional benefit in terms of germ filtering or something? Don't want to mess with that.
Yeah, if they stick out of your nose no one will get near enough to you for you to catch their germs.
Also, the "chest and sixpack" package is $70, but if you are to buy each of them separately, it's $60.
13: A buddy once used 6" marble spheres as a low-hanging part of his Halloween costume. Maybe it's something like that.
Plucking the nose hair can inflame the nasal cavity and cause discomfort.
The advice I've heard is to trim nose hair, not pluck it.
Yeah, actually, B is sadly correct. You can't shave your ears.
the pioneer of bringing anal bleaching to NYC.
Shouldn't that be like.... 'washing your salad'?
South of the Border, Marble Sac with Shaft, Backdoor Treatment, Crackdown, and Full Moon Rising.
"Get your Precious Pain right here!"
max
['I'm sure that South of the Border, they don't do anything like hair removal.']
I occasionally shave my asscrack, with the thought that it'll make wiping easier (I have a serious amount of asscrack hair). It totally works, but the stubble is a stone bitch. I occasionally fantasize about waxing as a solution, but no way am I paying another dude to rip hair out of my asshole.
no way am I paying another dude to rip hair out of my asshole
I'm sure they have lady waxers (though specifically asking for one might come off as a little creepy). Alternatively: home waxing.
Sadly, 12 is true too. I get my barber (or "hair designer", as she prefers to be called) to do it when I get a cut, but it doesn't last four weeks.
no way am I paying another dude to rip hair out of my asshole
Now, what if they paid you?
Yeah, they should pay me! Come to think of it, if you throw it up on Craigslist, there probably is somebody who'd pay you to let them rip hairs out of your ass.
A buddy once used 6" marble spheres as a low-hanging part of his Halloween costume.
I don't see them that often, but those metal testicles that people hang from the back of their pick-up trucks make me irate. I have a plan, someday, when I see one parked, to snip the testicles off and tie on a tampon string in its place.
This thread is just so far into TMI territory.
Which is the thread for taunting Sifu about the Indians win?
snip the testicles off and tie on a tampon string in its place.
TITANIUM TAMPAX!
max
['Just like the chick on the side of the box.']
30: this one.
(NSFW, unless you're marcus, in which case, think about baseball, buddy)
That's right, I killed this thread! And it's going to stay dead until the Red Sox win! So there!
Does it cost extra to get your masshole waxed?
That's the Big Dig special.
Not even an option: Massholes. (ZOMG so NSFW I don't care even if you're an Indians fan just don't)
I used to work at one of the main NYC waxers, but we wouldn't go near boyparts because men are whiners.
That said, the reason for the "landing strip" pattern is because that's the two inches of real estate that hurts like a motherfucker. The asshole waxing is nothing.
The asshole waxing is nothing.
How dare you treat poor schlubs in the service industry like that. That asshole waxing you has a family to feed!
Sometimes Red Sox fans come off as assholes waxing nostalgic. Not you, of course, Sifu. Just saying.
I'm more of a nostalgic waxing assholes, I suppose.
The real trick is that Red Sox fans have always been assholes, they've just been pathetic assholes, and if there's one thing intellectuals love, it's a pathetic asshole. Now that our true nature is revealed it's all "why hast thou forsaken us, ruddy-faced Mass Man?"
Whatever. I'll throw a beer at a baby.
the reason for the "landing strip" pattern is because
You're making me cry.
OT: The evening's household agenda has been watching Halloween (2007). Are there any good horror films? I think it's a genre that dislike categorically.
44: early John Carpenter. Alien. Early Sam Raimi. The original Halloween. The original Night of the Living Dead. Giallo, if that's your kind of thing, can have a strange beauty to it.
I'm mostly with you on this, though.
44: What do you mean "good"? Scary? If so, the one set in Maryland, fake documentary, with the herky-jerk-unsteady-cam. Crapity, crap, what was it called? Ugh. Anyway, that movie scared me even though I was all growed up when I saw it. But I'm not sure it would translate to a small screen. Of course it would help if I had any idea what it was called. So scary that it wiped my memory clean, I guess.
The only horror movies I like are the kind where the viewer not only doesn't know what will happen next, but doesn't know what the hell is going on as everything gets weirder and weirder. Also, it's good if there seems to be a shifting boundary between normality and weirdness, with the protagonists trying to stay in the zone of normality but being unable to do so (instead of simply everything taking place in a zone of weirdness).
"Phantasm" is a good one. Also "Gozu". It's hard to explain what they have in common besides both being described by the first paragraph of this comment.
And I'll invite scorn here by saying I liked "The Ring" too.
The original Phantasm, though more in a so-bad-it's-totally-awesome way.
48: It wasn't bad given its budget. I like movies that use their extremely limited budgets to the fullest. It was certainly less ridiculous than "The Evil Dead", at least to me.
48 is correct. What the hell was that ball-blade-thing called?
Jinx. Phantasm was the first horror movie I ever saw, so I'll always love it.
44: What do you mean "good"?
I mean not-groan-inspiring and with a plot that seems plausible.
I forgot The Ring, which I too enjoyed. But I did watch it with some sketchy dudes in a really bad part of Santiago, Chile. Helped with the whole "I might die tonight" thing.
I saw a pretty cool movie that probably wasn't actually a horror movie BUT had some of that everything gets weirder and weirder vibe Ned describes some time ago.
It was Japanese and it involved water and serial killing.
If you want (a) Japanese and (b) keeps getting weirder and weirder I could certainly recommend Tetsuo the Iron Man.
56: That one more or less starts out with the weird turned to 11.
I'm pretty sure this post has something to do with Warren Spahn beating up ogged, but I don't know what Sain's involvement is.
Speaking of movies, I saw this one last night. Highly recommended.
Wait, I guess it was actually yesterday afternoon that I saw it. Whatever.
58: but then it goes to, arguably, 15 or 16.
Eraserhead was waaaay fucking weird. Does that fit the Ned taxonomy. Not really a horror film. But weird.
64: I thought Eraserhead was kind of hilarious, actually.
On reflection, I hereby recommend Cure to you all.
The Bothersome Man is one of the strangest, and best movies that I've sen in a loooong time.
Feeling trapped in a sterile existential nightmare? Then see The Bothersome Man; it understands how you feel.
In many ways, Ben, you're adorable.
68: it sounds kind of conventional—where's the strangeness come in?
This is the only movie that has made me physically gag. You know, if that's what you're going for.
Apo if I make it to UnfoggeDCon Too we should totally do a Giallo viewing. Which I will exit very early, but nonetheless.
Though now it seems tame compared to what my fevered imagination is doing with "marble sac" with shaft.
Marbled sac makes the very best Rocky Mountain oysters.
Blair Witch, seconded. Also, The Others was pretty good, as was The Devil's Backbone. There is a dichotomy among horror movies. Some aim to frighten or disturb, while most try to provide fodder for fans of the genre: gore, tits, and special effects. Not that there's much wrong with the second approach, it's just that they're engaged in an enterprise distinct from that of the makers of the aforementioned movies,
"Cure" is pretty boring. I don't get the Kiyoshi Kurosawa phenomenon. His films have the randomness of horror movies but somehow no suspense.
Speaking of spooky, maybe you can explain why the referrers show a link to this very thread from this apparently non-existent wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City_of_the_living_dead
how often do you check the refs?
i've occasionally tried to make funny refs, but i never ever get unfogged on the first few pages of results (unless i'm searching for something i know exists, not to make fake funny refs)
I changed the wikipedia "no article" template to include a link to unfogged. Looks like it got changed back right quick, though.
Don't you try to trick me, Youngjamin. Don't you try to corrupt the referrer process, yoyo.
i just want to be in the internet freak croud, just once.
All this wiki business aside, it there a literary equivalent to Blair Witch etc? I read Lovecraft when I was eleven, and he rocked ass, but I have yet to encounter a good modern writer who can produce a similar effect, Does such a writer not exist, or am I uninformed?
84: Not a horror story as such, but Cortázar's Rayuela made me temporarily insane, I think. So that's something!
Also: how does one deal with Loud Talkers? My roommate's sorta-girlfriend drives me nuts with her loud-ass, late-night opining. Garsh. Opine away! But do so at a reasonably volume.
86:Retaliation in kind, of course, EGGPLANT IS TASTY, etc . . .Failing that, death metal (btw, non-sep is deprecated).
Well, this clip seems to have helped. Thanks, Sifu!
71 : I assure you, this meagre summary does not do the bothersome man justice.
Speaking of death metal [and for anyone who plays guitar or bass] this is the funniest clip ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WcsV7hQ1V4
But then again, I thought Knocked Up should have been placed under horror. It still makes me shudder.
Did this thread actually proceed so far without discussion of the Freshman Facial?
43: Sorry, very very Becks-style last night.
I don't know where this antipathy to hair comes from. We went to see Wack! yesterday at the National Museum for Women in the Arts. Women artists at the time were very concerned to reclaim the female body from the male gaze and since the male gaze included Playboy style airbrushing, they emphasized pubic hair. And when they painted men they emphasized body hair. Whence this falling away from the example of your foremothers?
I can be a Loud Talker, and I sure do wish I could control it better. It's hard, especially when you have the kind of voice that seems to have little middle ground between CARRIES VERY WELL ACROSS LONG DISTANCES and mumbles inaudibly. Probably I should find myself an elocution coach, or something, but somehow I always find myself spending my time and money on something else.
Aw, the small tag doesn't work here?
97: I have the opposite problem -- I have a hell of a time being audible in a noisy room. I too have thought vaguely about elocution coaching, but it always seemed too silly to do.
95:
1)Advertising's—with fashion and entertainment if you think of those things as distinct and not all the same thing—enormous influence and power to suggest, particularly anxiety.
2)The fact that it is the example of [their] foremothers. Gross! In this as in so much else, knowing better, realizing this and wishing it were not true doesn't banish a feeling, however much you might like it to.
99: I have no idea if this will work or not, but for what it's worth - my friend's husband the opera singer claims it's not about lots of volume but about hearing everything that's going on around you (in his case it's usually orchestra) and sensing where there's a space your voice could fit into, and aiming it there. Mind you, this guy's noisy to begin with. This is a drive-by instead of collecting tax receipts for 2005.
Aw, the small tag doesn't work here?
Blame Cryptic Ned.
re: 99
It is definitely a 'chest' thing. Or at least that's how it's always described.
My own voice is like redfoxtailshrubs in 97. I can easily project and fill a huge room but [when drunk, especially] don't have much of a middle ground between softly spoken/quiet mumble and too loud.
I too have thought vaguely about elocution coaching,
It's not elocution (which I associate with mindless class-ridden pronunciation exercises) so much as being taught how to relax and lower your voice "into your chest" so to speak, so that you can project it into a large room. Many people tighten up (due to understandable nerves) and try to force the volume out the top of their voice, which leads to screechyness.
102: I bet you blame the Burmese monks for their situation too. When did you become a fascist?
This is a drive-by instead of collecting tax receipts for 2005.
Nice to know I'm not alone, Penny.
83: So far there are no Google results for "internet freak croud". But I'm sure it'll pay off.
Oh Jesus, and I thought you were like *this* with the tax collectors!
It's a "mini-audit", mini because they only want certain (hundreds of) receipts, receipts I have, and I have probably the nicest auditor in Canada, so what the hell is the matter with me that I have procrastinated two weeks past the due date? Am I trying to trigger a full-scale audit? Everytime I think of starting, I feel nauseated. When I go over my notes from 2005 I have scribbled in the margins things like "Do not this bullshit accounting program ever again". I have more "correction" entries than actual entries because by the end of each quarter I'd forgotten how to use the program. I hate myself today.
My best friend in grade 5 figured out how to project her voice all on her own, and taught me how to do it. (She went into music theory eventually). I agree with Gonerill that most attempts to "be louder" will send you in the wrong direction. "Fuller" or "wider" maybe. Rounder than love.
If you don't have a big build it's helpful to place the sound in the front of your face too, so that it buzzes in your sinuses and on your lips -might feel unusually bright but it will carry better. You can hum high notes into the top of your head (all this at home I mean, just to get used to the different feeling)- there are lots of resonators, some people just have natural access to certain ones, and some spaces favour different kinds of voices. It's circular, but the best thing is having a certainty that you will be heard. Oh god I am procrastinating like an idiot and I'm going to jail.
that's the two inches of real estate that hurts like a motherfucker.
I did not know that. Huh.
Whence this falling away from the example of your foremothers?
Um, most women back in the day were neither feminists nor feminist artists. What most women do, or what salons try to convince most women to do, does not, in fact, fall in a straight line of influence from feminist movements of the past.
it there a literary equivalent to Blair Witch etc?
Pretty much all the early "novels," which also claimed to be "fact" and were believed by many largely because the were breaking new ground formally (or claimed to be so doing) and people didn't know how to read the conventions yet.
It's circular, but the best thing is having a certainty that you will be heard.
Yeah, it's mental -- I've been inaudible since childhood. I don't have trouble in a public-speaking kind of context, I can physically project my voice just fine, I just have a very hard time making myself do the same thing to get over background noise in a conversation.
what the hell is the matter with me that I have procrastinated two weeks past the due date?
Um, being audited sucks and you're terrified that you won't find something you need and will therefore go to jail. Think about how long you "need" to get the shit together (X), call the auditor person, tell her you know you're past the due date and you are sorry, and then ask her to reassure you that taking X+3 days is okay.
Then start collecting the crap. Make a friend help you if you can.
B's trying to set the record for starting comments with "Um".
And with that, I'm off to take Noah to the State Fair.
What is "poetic" hard wax? and "poetic" Rose and Chamomile strip wax? (and why are Rose and Chamomile capitalized?)
B's trying to set the record for starting comments with "Um".
She's going for the triple crown of condescension, which also includes "most comments ostentatiously addressed to commenters of only one gender", and "most instances of waiting until the 200th comment to appear and respond to the entire thread as if it were one entity with one opinion".
people didn't know how to read the conventions yet.
In what sense were there conventions yet at all?
113: Fun!
115: Yeah, I'm trying to be condescending and not at all trying to avoid this kind of pissy remark about what a cow I am.
116: There were tons of conventions--just not for "novels".
Right, of course there were conventions for other things. But to say "people didn't know how to read the conventions yet" seems to imply that novels (since we're talking about novels) were already being written in accord with some conventions that no one knew about.
118: No, what I mean is that people didn't know how to read *novelistic* conventions yet--e.g., the combination of romance heroines with travelogue-type detail, or the combination of criminal biography and Protestant redemption narrative. Because the conventions hadn't yet been established.
Probably what I should have said is that people didn't know how to *write* the conventions yet, which is why readers who *are* familiar with them (e.g., undergraduates) get all freaked out by Oroonoko and Robinson Crusoe and want to know if they're "true" or not--questions that don't bother them at all when you get to, say, Pride and Prejudice.
95 - Hey! m. leblanc and I were at Wack on Sunday. We both also commented on the surprise of seeing hair and how different it seemed compared to modern-day porn and, overall, it was enlightening, except for that one woman with, I swear to god, 4" hairs growing out of her ass who gave me nightmares and really needed to at least trim.
Thesis: anyone, male or female, who has hair growing out of their ass crack that is long enough to braid or style needs to trim.
No, they just need to find their erotic niche.