the second thing he discovered:
"And women pee louder than men do, even though we might expect not. Maybe it's just American women? I don't know."
now his shock at *that* fact strikes me as more suggestive evidence of...well, not having spent much previous time around women peeing, at any rate.
now his shock at *that* fact strikes me as more suggestive evidence of...well, not having spent much previous time around women peeing, at any rate.
Usually, people who have no experience of something are more likely to be surprised when encountering it.
2--
ned, i didn't think i'd have to connect the dots here, esp. for you, but your response makes me think you're not getting it.
enjoying physical intimacy with women often leads to situations in which you hear women peeing. maybe through the bathroom door, maybe before you make love, maybe after, but, you know, anyone who has had a lover has probably heard their lover pee some time. so having a female lover increases your chances of having heard a woman pee.
as does--for christ sake--having a sister, you'd think. maybe he's just of the clueless orientation.
I come from a land where people close the bathroom door when they pee.
He was on a late night chat show a week and a half ago (Jonathan Ross) and JR asked if he were single, adding that the women in the audience and the house band (4 Poofs and a Piano) wanted to know. JG made quite a palaver out of replying, eventaully saying (I paraphrase) that he was single for the women, but not for the gay men.
Fuck me, he's gorgeous though.
Which is why I was watching Jonathan Ross. I was very amused when watching that Jake was the first guest. Isn't there usually a convention that your top guest comes on last? So the order went Jake Gyllenhaal - Hollywood star, then Jools Holland who's turned 50 and written an autobiography, and then finally Jordan & Peter Andre. Class.
7--
look, we know already.
can't you at least *try* to pee quieter?
I'M SORRY, I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE CASCADE OF MY OWN URINE.
With my usual careful reading skills, I had to try and comprehend that paragraph quite a few times before I realized this was Jake Gyllenhaal, rather than Maggie.
I spent last ski season renting a basement. The bathroom was off my bedroom with no door. I think it's the style these days, but a groggily heard splash is a terrible thing.
I love this song! Oh wait, that's Wrongshore peeing. Has a good beat though.
Is it OK if the reason we can't close our bathroom door is that there's a bookshelf in the way?
And heebie, isn't Wrongshore a little young for prostate issues?
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? MY EARS ARE BURNING. I THINK IT'S MY EARS.
You're never too young for prostate issues.
Has a good beat though
isn't Wrongshore a little young for prostate issues?
I'm not too old, but don't understand. Could I have this joke explained?
Don't prostate people stop and start when they pee?
I was assuming that a decent rhythm would require some variation in the stream, as might be caused by prostate difficulties.
I've heard that Wrongshore's toilet bowl is made of crystal, and that's how he achieves such a rich sustaining timbre to his song.
In the first part, I am peeing really loudly. It is so loud that Heebie thinks it is a song! But it is me peeing. Then someone implies that peeing loudly is evidence of a prostate problem, substituing "loudly" for "frequently". Then I had a nice bit linking the concepts of "burning", where the "ears are burning" of people talking about me implies the burning pee symptomatic of a venereal disease, or of being on fire.
I am available to do color commentary on all of your threads.
20 - That, and some Charlie Parker in the background.
22 wasn't really at all helpful, now that I look at 19 and 20.
But 22 has a lovely "Marmaduke, explained" quality that both 19 and 20 lack.
Do you know what sucks? Ever since I had PK, I finish peeing, wipe, stand up, and *have to pee again, just a tiny little bit*. I don't know why this is, but it's hella annoying.
Thank you for your kind words. It would be fun to go through the archives and write little explanations that could be included in the link titles for every comment.
B, did you see the picture of Penny's C-section scar Ogged put up on the Flickr page?
29 - dual purpose - contains pee and removes hair. Excellent.
Ooh, no! Must look, thanks.
28: I guess. Mostly I just either sit back down or else figure, fuck it, and go ahead and pee in my pants a little. I figure it's no worse than the guys' few drops, since they don't use t.p.
I see I've wandered into the TMI thread.
Do you know what sucks? Ever since I had PK, I finish peeing, wipe, stand up, and *have to pee again, just a tiny little bit*. I don't know why this is, but it's hella annoying.
Do you have a penis? This also happens to me.
gswift wants more talk of Jake Gyllenhaal and less of women weeing.
35: Huh, so it isn't a childbirth thing. Good to know.
With men I think it's often a prostate issue. That wouldn't apply to women, of course.
With the lay-deez it's a prostrate issue.
Incontinence due to aging, I'd say. But don't worry, drooling and senility don't come until at least a year or two later. Also, Depends.
I figure it's no worse than the guys' few drops, since they don't use t.p.
Not at urinals, no. Sometimes while seated though.
With the lay-deez it's a prostrate issue.
The only position for women at the Mineshaft is prone. Especially on the bathroom floor.
Ignore these guys, B. Like urine off a duck's back.
I have a feminist friend who argued that the male drip could be avoided by urinating in a sitting position (more efficient emptying of the bladder). So it's good to know that she was wrong about that, seeing as how I always ignored the sign in her bathroom and peed standing up.
PK prefers to sit down and uses exactly one square of tp to dab the extra drops. Some day this will make him extremely popular with the ladies. Right now it makes him extremely popular with me.
I always ignored the sign in her bathroom and peed standing up.
Signs like that have to be ignored as a matter of principle.
PK prefers to sit down and uses exactly one square of tp to dab the extra drops.
When he starts using urinals he'll have to use his shirt like a real man.
I assume that you boys clean the toilet, then?
At a urinal, you have to swing it around in circles a few times, kind of like a lasso. Diffuse pee doesn't really exist.
And now you're all banned.
I have a feminist friend who argued that the male drip could be avoided by urinating in a sitting position
You have a feminist friend who hasn't thought through the anatomical question very well. It isn't a bladder issue, it's the fact that the urinary sphincter (if that's the term for it) is at the top of the penis. Think about a soda straw after you finish a drink. If you pull it out of the cup and lay it on the table, a couple drops are going to roll out of it later whether you dab the end with toilet paper or not.
He was on a late night chat show a week and a half ago (Jonathan Ross) and JR asked if he were single
If he were really gay, wouldn't he be on Graham Norton instead?
Anyway, I've heard a woman pee before and I don't recall that she was noisier than I am. I conclude that Jake merely has a bad ear for pee.
And now you're all banned.
What?!?!? The only analogy was h-g's comparison of B to a duck and our words to urine.
Hence the classic verse, "No matter how you shake and dance / The last drop always falls in your pants."
Don't tell PK, he'll be totally traumatized.
"No matter how you shake and dance / The last drop always falls in your pants."
I'd always heard "You can shake it, you can break it, you can bang it against the wall, but when you put it in your pants, the last drop will always fall."
55: Just get him some Sta-Free Peenie Pads.
Whoa, now there's one of your less-cited SNL skits.
I wondered at first whether that "feminist friend" sounded apocryphal, not to question veracity, but some amazing stuff was heard back in the day, and all difference rankles for some.
WHY DOES THE URINAL STILL EXIST
I SWEAR WE HAVEN'T ADVANCED AN INCH IN 35 YEARS
The real question is, why don't women's public bathrooms have urinals yet, dammit?
Just get him some Sta-Free Peenie Pads
Or, if worse comes to worst, some "Oops, I Crapped My Pants" brand adult undergarments.
And where are the tampon dispensers in the men's room? I mean, I'd like to at least have the OPTION.
65: Yeah, really. All we have is that TERRIBLE tasting gum.
Fuck the tampon dispensers--where is the furniture?
I piss on all of you. Also, the Red Sox. And for good measure, the Democrats of the world.
I konw 66 is a hoary old chestnut, but I can't remember what the mistaken object is supposed to be. Condom from the dispenser, urinal cake, or my dick?
sorry, "konw" is short for "konichiwa"
Just heard on the Bachelor:
Bachelor to statuesque blonde: "Why are you single right now?"
Statuesque blonde: "Well, I'm really really picky"
Condom from the dispenser has spermicide in it, see?
This is the bitchiest Bachelor yet. Off the charts scheming and backstabbing among the women.
urinal cake
The what? Oh, the complimentary breath mints, you mean.
I wondered at first whether that "feminist friend" sounded apocryphal
Of all the improbable tales I tell around here, I woudn't have imagined that *that* one would trip someone's BS-detector.
Anyway, you can rest assured that said feminist friend exists. She is indoctrinating young school children as we speak. When I knew her, she was a history grad student living in a women's collective and acting in a French absurdist theater troupe. Her face was always my mental image of the Myrna Minkoff character in A Confederacy of Dunces
Speaking of gay Senators, how awesome is NC Senate candidate Jim Neal?
76: Indeed. Have sent him money already. Haven't yet received a thank-you note. Grandmas would be skeptical about his future prospects: "rude boy."
Hope Solo, and her nose ring, just appeared on Sportscenter. Seems that Coach Ryan got canned. Vindication for Ogged.
When you give up on Hope, what do you have left? Nothing! Nothing at all!
Crap. 77 should be "grandma," singular, as in mine, who has real doubts about anyone who doesn't send a thank-you note within 36 hours of receiving a gift (or cash contribution). Sorry. Now I'll return to my regularly scheduled lurkathon.
we couldn't find a battery for our recording device so we ended up in a woman's bathroom
This strikes me as a profound non sequitur.
81: They were tactfully trying to borrow batteries from someone's... personal massager.
Which would explain how Jake got introduced to the floor.
Maybe the women's restroom was the location of the nearest outlet?
I don't even own a women's bathroom.
Or a men's actually. I don't own any bathrooms.
Well I don't even own a women's personal massager, so I unfortunately can't take part in the TV/microwave cookery conversation.
I'm guessing gswift owns more bathrooms than anyone here. Speak up, bathroom owners of the world!
I own only bathrooms, televisions, and microwaves.
I'm guessing gswift owns more bathrooms than anyone here.
I'm guessing there's too many well off lawyers for me to compete.
We have 1 3/4 bathrooms upstairs, and we're partway to another downstairs. We have a good sized laundry room/third bathroom down there that's unfinished. Just a laundry room for now.
89: that's a bad strategy. Get into non-agri commodities and euro-denominated interest rate swaps.
I pwn bathrooms all up and own the eastern seaboard.
1 3/4
What is a three-quarter bath? Toilet and half a shower? Or is it one half bath and one quarter bath?
I have two and a half baths in what is basically a large one-bedroom apartment. I have no idea how this happened. I've filled the half bath with boxes, no idea what to do with the extra full bathroom. Except to use it to convince guests that I keep my bathroom cleaner than I in fact do.
What is a three-quarter bath?
Toilet and shower. Toilet and shower and tub is a full bathroom.
Also, if I had embarassing prescriptions I could keep them in the bathroom I use, while the extra "Potemkin" bathroom stays clean and anodyne. But of course I have no embarassing prescriptions...I suppose the closest would be the XXL Magnum condoms.
95--
is that what happened?
i parsed your 92 as
re the bathrooms: i pwn them all up.
re the eastern seaboard: i own it.
i'm always giving you guys the benefit of the syntactical doubt, just working hard to get some plausible parsing.
dunno why i bother.
The concept of Jake's overwhelming hotness and a desperate horror at the thought it would be wasted on bathroom-cruising trolls like Larry Craig is a really unpleasant way to start the day.
I saw a headline on one of the locals at the gas station this morning regarding Neal but it was the first I'd heard of him; must research.