I guess I have limits. Somehow, it seemed ok to me to watch that video, but I had to turn the sound off. Hearing her talk about dog anus was too much, but watching one be probed was just fine.
Such is life in the pornocracy. I can tolerate basically any gross image.
I can tolerate basically any gross image.
I think I see where this thread is going to go...
I believe the Governor just called up all the afflicted cat owners in CA in an effort to help fight fire with catbutt juice.
I can tolerate basically any gross image.
Sounds like a wager to me! Watch this space.
3: Catbutt Juice would be a swell name for a bluesman.
Why do people own cats? Can anyone explain it to me?
In particular, why do so many single women own cats? Do I have to pretend to have affection for single womens' cats before said women will feel affection for me?
For any attractive single women reading this: just kidding! Unfogged is all about the kidding! I love cats!
God, I'm so pathetic.
More generally, why do people own pets? I've been taking care of a dog for two weeks now, and will be for another two weeks, and I really don't get it. It's a hell of a lot of work, for very little payoff. Other kinds of pets are less work, but still, very little payoff.
7: You're lucky the software automatically closed the "for any attractive single women reading this" tag after the first paragraph.
More generally, why do people own pets?
Well, on the Veldt ... Oh, never mind.
Ah, "massaging the anal sacs." I'm still surprised today at how much time was spent in dog-training emphasizing that. Also, how that precise phrase was used without variation.
I don't fully get the pets thing either. We have a cat, and she's mostly harmless and sometimes kind of sweet, but I could do just fine without the hassle. I have a hard enough time trying to keep up with the people in my life.
Ah, "massaging the anal sacs." I'm still surprised today at how much time was spent in dog-training emphasizing that. Also, how that precise phrase was used without variation.
That's the kind of situation where the military acronym can come in hand. MASSANSAC would work.
"can come in hand"? Of course it can, if you massage the wrong sac. I need to go to sleep.
MASSANSAC would work.
I like MANSAC better.
Catbutt Juice would be a swell name for a bluesman.
I have Journey to the center of Cat Butt on vinyl.
Somehow Apo links on this thread have a bit of a coals to Newcastle feel.
Oh Jesus.
GLOVES! WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING GLOVES!?
About a month ago, the NYTimes had an article on these wild cats (about the size of housecats) that still roam freely in the Highlands of Scotland. They looked cute, but feral. I wondered what would happen if you tried to take one into your home.
I can't quite wrap my mind around the domestication of cats and dogs. How did this happen?
How did this happen?
Selective breeding. The development of doggy treats also helped.
18 is exactly right. I've never witnessed it, but my dad did, and he said the smell made him want to die. Why would you let that get on your hands? Your precious hands! The ones you use to eat sandwiches and masturbate!
Why would you let that get on your hands? Your precious hands! The ones you use to … masturbate!
Look, I'm not saying I do it; I'm just saying, that might be the explanation for why some people might do it.
Why do people own cats? Can anyone explain it to me?
Because when your kids are pestering you for a pet, "quiet, sedate, and clean" beats "smelly, needy, and shits all over the yard."
What 23 says. Which is why I've finally agreed to get my kid a cat. Though this thread is giving me second thoughts.
Why do people keep as pets critters that can kill them, or otherwise do them a serious injury (rattlesnakes, e.g.)? Or critters that are otherwise classed as "filthy vermin" (rats, e.g.)?
Cats entertain and soothe, and are low-maintenance. They strike adorably cute poses and make you go "awww."
I don't get dog ownership at all.
My cats rule. They are my buddies. I don't know why people don't like one animal or another. Animals are mostly great.
Why have there been so many disgusting comment threads lately? Are we seeing a shift in obsessions from romance, dating, sex, and politics to bodily functions? If so, why? No one has had kids recently, which is usually what triggers that shift.
I do not approve.
Rodents are very sweet pets for kids to have. They're a lot less time-consuming than dogs or cats, need only a little daily attention, and are relatively easy to clean up after. They often have highly developed personalities and tastes and will happily cuddle.
I had hamsters when I was young and really loved them, especially because, unlike the family dog, who was also great, my hamsters were just mine. Plus, I think it's not a bad thing for kids to practice being loving and gentle and responsible for a little soft critter. It teaches empathy, or maybe it just gives all that excess kid-empathy an object.
27: that makes sense. I can understand the appeal of pets in the abstract, although more dogs than cats. I'm not sure it's worth the hassle though.
I can't believe the vet bills people pay these days. That's another big reason I don't get the kids a dog. I don't have a lot spare money floating around, so 1000 dollar vet bills are a no go. I'll get stuck taking the dog out back for the Old Yeller treatment. No thanks.
No one has had kids recently
Both Chopper and I have had a kid in the past six months, but I don't think we're the ones driving the trend.
It's the world that's become foul. Also, fall is the season for ceasing the constant hunt for love and sex and beginning to consider that all life will, in fact, end in lonely misery and smelly rot.
You east coasters with your seasons.
33: I had a good date tonight, to the extent that this is consistent with the fact that I'm commenting now.
Hooray for WD! He knows no seasons.
I have had cats my whole life and am completely unaware of this "anal sac" thing, which has never been mentioned to me by a vet, either.
People own pets because nurturing a dependent is gratifying. Pets are substitute children, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Wenereal Disease can stwike at any time of year.
Reflecting, I might be a victim of the mistaken inference explained here.
re: 19
You can't. They are, allegedly, not tameable. They are a different species from the domestic cat and are larger than most domestic breeds [but not larger than monsters like the Maine Coon], although apparently with the number of escaped domestic cats that have interbred, many but not all Scottish wildcats have at least a small amount of domestic cat blood in them.
http://www.scottishwildcats.co.uk/images/wildcatpic.jpg
http://www.scottishwildcats.co.uk/
I'm pulling a near all-nighter on a report that's already late. Sigh. Keep me company, Unfogged! Figures I pick the one night LB is not around to commiserate.
Nobody asked me how my date with the woman with the Heebie-esque email style lwent on Saturday night.
Pets are substitute children, and there's nothing wrong with that.
This makes sense, since I feel about the same way about kids as I do about pets -- cute, I get the attraction, but can I take the hassle? Hope so.
41 - If this is the topic that brings your Saturday date to mind...
ewww! No! It was washerdreyer's lovestruck ramblings that did it.
24. Cats can do a remarkable amount of damage to property, if not to people. And you should resign yourself to being seriously scratched fairly regularly. Cats play with their claws extended.
The thing to bear in mind about cats is that they're essentially symbiotic with humans, rather than domesticated or captive. If this floats your boat you may be a cat person. Otherwise, no.
Why do people keep cats? Because cats get you up in the morning.
Also, a cat appropriate Halloween cake.
Cats can do a remarkable amount of damage to property, if not to people. And you should resign yourself to being seriously scratched fairly regularly. Cats play with their claws extended.
I've never had a problem teaching them to be gentle and keep the claws in. I always hand pick them as kittens though.
We always had cats growing up. I don't remember either of them scratching or playing particularly rough. Nor do I remember much/any property damage. Our neighbours, on the other hand, took one of our kittens and it used to shred their furniture.
Our main cat did kill a truly inordinate amount of wildlife, though. In retrospect much more effort with bells and suchlike could have been made.
Our main cat did kill a truly inordinate amount of wildlife
They can be real terrors. Fortunately, our cat is good at keeping mice away, but too lazy to get much in the way of birds. The occasional robin, but that's about it.
The other half, a vet, says nothing stinks like anal sack stink. I suspect that is a good part of the reason the vet is keen for the owner to express it at home!
Cat personalities are like people. You get really sweet ones and real shitbags, and all points in between. They are also quite malleable when young, just like kids. Be firm and consistent, and results will follow! We have one cat that is really sweet and nice. The other, a former alley cat, is mostly sweet and nice but displays mild antisocial tendencies (namely, jumping up on the kitchen counters and kicking up a fuss if we don't wake up on time). However these tendencies have dramatically decreased over time.
re: 50
Ours mostly got mice, voles and small birds. Once or twice it came back with (huge) rats. It did once have a go at a rook. Which was comical. The rook won.
http://www.rspb.org.uk/wildlife/birdguide/name/r/rook/
A friend's cat gets surprisingly large animals. Rabbits and squirrels.
48. Partly true. IME, they get excited and forget themselves, like children.
Your main cat? You had an alternate cat?
Could be a business proposition; disaster recovery for cat owners. I'm thinking of a roster of cats at a site on the other side of the continent; if your main cat goes down, a motorcycle courier is sent to the airport with a cat from the cat rack.
We'll need a robust, scalable web-based ticketing application, a lot of cats, and a NetJets account; can't depend on commercial airlines for mission critical puss delivery. I reckon we can get the bike service from local partners.
For more money, we could offer a premium service; we guarantee not just a cat, but an identical cat. For even more, we could offer a specific, dedicated cat.
Or did you mean a Maine cat?
Alex, count me in. I can source the cats for the standard service. Duplication, required by the premium service, will be more taxing. For one thing you can't duplicate tortiseshell or piebald coats even with cloning. But that's why we have venture capital, right? We'll spend a few tens of million employing an army of cat herders in India, and somewhere in the herd will be just the right mog.
We have three cats, and they are awesome, and we've never had to express anything. Perhaps our cats have especially considerate asses?
That comic is hilarious.
The other day I took my dog to have his nails trimmed and the groomer reported that the dog wasn't interested in the process whatsoever. He said, in a tone that didn't seem nearly aggrieved enough, that my dog expressed his anal glands. Oh hell, now where will I take you. But now I realize that 1) I don't actually know my dog at all and 2) woo two services for the price of one!
I was hoping to keep the phrase "cat herder" for our customer-facing staff; I see the business processes as being something like this.
Customer opens a ticket on our website; mod_python looks up customer ID in the DB and checks if there's a dedicated cat assigned. If yes, update ticket with cat's name and send push e-mail to the next catherder on the stack. If no, assign the next cat in the cat pool and update the ticket with that cat, then roll the catherder.
Backend, meanwhile, looks up the customer's closest airport and sends a request to NetJets, and echos the ticket to the bike service. Update ticket with travel details; send confirmation to client.
Cat herder, meanwhile, runs down to the cattery, grabs the cat detailed on the ticket and heads out to meet the bike to the airport. Once there, they meet the aircraft and enter the ETA on the system from a mobile device; this triggers a ticket with the bike service partner at destination and an e-mail to the client giving the ETA.
On arrival, bike meets cat and herder, zaps round to the client, deliver cat. Customer confirms receipt. Initiate credit-card authorisation.
It's the IT platform that does it, like Amazon.com; we could include a service to call a vet, recruiting them through the partner program, or automatically place locally targeted Google Ads for the lost kitty.
re: 54
Unfortunate phrasing on my part. We had one cat for a couple of years which died. We had another cat for nearly 20 years. So when I think of 'our cat' I mean that one [the 'main' one].
Never min d; I'll think of you when we hand out the stock options.
that video didn't work for me.
the first result i got on youtube was a song called "anal express"
People own pets because nurturing a dependent is gratifying.
That's a really nice way to put it, Bitch.
People get cats because they are really cute and adorable as kittens and by the time that wears off you're stuck with the cat.
[looks over shoulder to see if B. is around]
And don't forget that they catch mice.
This anal glands business is possibly the most vomitous thing I've ever read on Unfogged. Thanks for nothing, Becks.
On the other hand, Scottish wildcats? So awesome.
He said, in a tone that didn't seem nearly aggrieved enough, that my dog expressed his anal glands.
Perhaps Wreck did it gently.
It sounds like it, but it's unclear whom the glands belonged to.
Now that's getting vomitous.
Yes, Scottish wildcats are indeed awesome.
I grew up with the greatest cat ever, and thought I was a cat person until I realized that most of them don't have personalities like Fred. He would greet guests ceremoniously (overnight guests also got a 3am interrogation, which often puzzled them, but didn't take that long.) He did scratch us, but a consideration of the circumstances surrounding any such incident almost always revealed that he was perfectly in the right (the time he treed me on the piano bench because he disapproved of the clashing stockings I was wearing was weird, but he really was right about the stockings -- they were a terrible color.) He'd play games, like no-claws boxing/slapfighting, was a mighty hunter when allowed outdoors, and was generally great.
I'll make friends with other cats because of him, but most others aren't that interesting.
The anal glands of scottish wildcats secrete oatmeal. True fact.
And any true Scotsman takes it from the source.
"Expressing anal glands" is different than just shitting, right? It's the special gland they use to personalize their shit for communication purposes, right?
More sophisticated animals prefer the Bedazzler.
I'm halfway through teaching the cats to use the toilet.
"The toilet" is a working link in 77. Why don't the links show up in blue sometimes? What am I doing wrong?
So far no one's fessed up to actually performing anal gland maintenance on their cat or dog. C'mon, don't be shy, pet-owners! This is a safe place.
That is bizarre, Heebie. It's black on my screen, but highlights and underlines like a link, but it doesn't go anywhere when I click on it.
I went in and fixed it. You had a quote at the end of the URL, but not at the beginning, so for someone with a forgiving browser that doesn't need the quotes, it was a busted link, and for a browser that does need them it wasn't a link at all.
Do say if it works -- if it's practical, and I ever have a cat again, I'm totally doing that. I don't mind cleaning the litter box, but I hate the litter they kick out of it.
79: I've never had a pet need it. Thank god.
Usually when you link you've just recently clicked yourself, so it doesn't show up blue for you. It did for me. Also, the link worked, and I like Samantha's trick of making the whole room move by ever so graciously waving her tail.
I will put a bullet in a pet before I put my hand up its ass.
84: Come out of the closet, GSwift.
81: Thanks for the fix.
Yeah, it's great so far. They've had some accidents on the way, but hell, they're 9 year old cats. They got the hang of jumping up on the toilet, and we removed the inner-most ring the other day.
Brown up to his elbow, but in public he puts on this show of respectability. Within the community GSwift is a laughingstock, but we have to fear him too.
A friends of mine tried to train her cats to be vegetarians, and said that they were healthy but that they always begged for food, even after they'de just been fed.
Come out of the water closet, Gswift.
You have to draw the line somewhere, and "will not milk the ass glands" seems like a good place.
Brown up to his elbow
You ever read James Herriot? Those vets working the farms are getting shoulder deep.
A friends of mine tried to train her cats to be vegetarians, and said that they were healthy but that they always begged for food, even after they'de just been fed.
My cats do that, and they're just regular cat foodatarians.
91: And catching horrible cow diseases doing it. Herriot picked up brucellosis(sp?) that way, and spent the latter half of his life with episodes of irrationality relating to it.
One of the kids in school with me was the daughter of the cow inseminator. Lots and lots of annoying jokes found their way to her. You need a shoulder-length rubber glove, they say.
81: Just get one of the litter trays with a box like a kennel around it. More privacy for the cats and no litter kicked onto the floor
94: You certainly do, and a Catholic-family-sized tub of KY. You can imagine my horror when I first saw my beloved sporting one of those gloves. It did but little abate when I discovered its purpose.
Moron alley cat has just stolen an end of cucumber out of the vegetable scraps. Must attend.
Moron alley cat has just stolen an end of cucumber out of the vegetable scraps.
Sounds like a very bright alley cat, improvising its own sex/ass-expressing toys like that.
Herriot picked up brucellosis(sp?) that way, and spent the latter half of his life with episodes of irrationality relating to it.
That explains the books.
I always hand pick them as kittens though.
The ones who have been through the picking machine are usually damaged: good choice.
You cannot tell me that isn't endearing as hell.
"Expressing anal glands" is different than just shitting, right? It's the special gland they use to personalize their shit for communication purposes, right?
Cats can actually spray from their anal glands similar to a skunk to mark their territory (just the males, I think). The smell is foul beyond belief.
Some vets remove the anal glands surgically when the cats are neutered.
One of the kids in school with me was the daughter of the cow inseminator.
One of my friends once worked on an earlier stage of the artificial insemination value chain: he was a bull masturbator. He said that when the old bulls are past their prime and have trouble ejaculating, they would stick an electrode up the bull's anus to stimulate the prostate.
You need a shoulder-length rubber glove, they say
I've worn one of these while helping my father suture up a prolapsed uterus on a cow. This is an experience no one should ever force on their 12-year-old son.
It was tough explaining to Mrs. Ruprecht why I didn't want to be in the delivery room when she gave birth.
Wait -- how come no one has demanded marcus & WD spill the details on their dates? I loves me the cats, but first things first!!
104: then it would be "their DATE", not "their DATES", wouldn't it? Humor must pass the grammar / reading comprehension threshold before it is permitted!
This is such a disgusting thread, full of anal sacs and cow uteri, that it's hardly an appropriate forum for delicate matters of the heart. Plus I'm offended that everyone ignored me before.
disgusting thread, full of anal sacs
But for one small vowel sound we would be back to the habitual discussion topic.
then it would be "their DATE", not "their DATES", wouldn't it?
Not if they'd had more than one.
I care, Marcus. But all this anal expression (without gloves!) makes anything involving sexual contact pretty gross right now.
I, of course, have nothing to share on the dating front because I'm gradually turning into Ogged.
all this anal expression (without gloves!) makes anything involving sexual contact pretty gross right now.
Exactly my point. And when AWB agrees, then you know anal has gone too far.
